01x01 - Good Value Diet Soda

[bunniefuu]

[Molly] What was his

name? Was it Bradley? No.

Paul? T.J.? No,

nobody's name is T.J.

[moans, echoing]

We were in our 20s and it was like

he couldn't stop going down on me.

Maybe he was hungry.

Stop. Stop thinking

about that. Stop it.

Be here with Steve.

What did he just say?

I guess I'm a feminist?

I'm the only male

journalist at the magazine

that the female editors

want to work with.

I mean, it-it's f*cked.

Journalists can be monsters.

Overworked, underpaid, the

burden of knowing too much.

I'm sorry, I think

we got off topic.

No, it connects. I'm

trying to make a

[sighs]

All right. I get I'm confused,

like, when I get interrupted.

Anyway, so yeah, I just think there's

a little bit of a double standard here.

Molly and I haven't had an

active sex life in years.

Since Molly's breast

cancer diagnosis?

Yeah. I mean, we weren't having much

se much sex when you got cancer, so

[Molly] Because you said my bald

head made you think about your dad.

[Steve speaking, muffled]

But you don't have to take

care of me now. I'm healthy.

I just want you to want me.

Please. Please.

And it's like, now she wants

to again, and I'm the bad guy

'cause I just can't flip a

switch and suddenly be Mr. Sex?

What?

[chuckles] Mr. Sex?

Uh, Mr. Sex probably doesn't

refer to himself as Mr. Sex

if he's actually Mr. Sex.

[chuckles]

Anyways [sighs]

Look, I know my wife.

She's had a really

complicated history with sex.

And I don't think I don't think

this is actually what you want.

I think there's some confusion

here as to what you want.

[therapist] Molly, do you feel

confused about what you want?

- You wanna have sex with Steve?

- To have sex, yes.

[Molly] sh*t.

With Steve.

But this isn't an

authentic desire.

- It's the medication.

- Tamoxifen.

Yeah, the drug that prevents

the cancer from returning.

A side effect is

decreased libido,

but Molly's body

is, like, an anomaly

- and it increased hers.

- That's not a side effect.

Okay, but it is. Dr. Pankowitz

said it's the meds.

Dr. Pankowitz is

your doctor, Steve?

- Molly's.

- Mine.

[phone rings]

I put my phone in the technology

tray, like we're supposed to.

- You can just turn it off.

- Sorry, it's the hospital.

I just, um

It's that hip thing I had checked

It's, uh I'm gonna take this.

You can just put him on speaker.

Molly, put him on speaker.

- Hello?

- Can you put him on speaker?

- [doctor] Molly, is this a good time?

- Uh, yes.

Okay. I have the results

of the biopsy on your hip

and, um, unfortunately

- [Molly] f*ck. f*ck. f*ck. f*ck. f*ck.

- [horns honking]

[pedestrian] Watch where

you're f*cking going!

[siren wailing]

- [panting, moaning]

- [kisses]

[bell rings]

[pop song plays on speakers]

[rapid panting, moaning]

[Molly] f*ck.

- [siren wailing in distance]

- [pedestrians chattering]

[vehicle approaching]

- [engine rumbles]

- [lighter clicking]

- Hey, baby. You need a ride somewhere?

- Hi.

[Molly] Is this what it feels

like to push someone off a cliff?

I'm sorry, were you busy?

Uh, I'm on my way to rehearsal.

Are you smoking cigarettes?

What is that, menthols?

Oh, my God. Who are you?

Are you my camp boyfriend?

What is this?

You know how I had that pain in

my hip that wouldn't go away?

Uh-huh.

It's cancer.

[sighing] It's back.

But you

- It's been two years.

- I know.

And you did everything

that the doctor said,

- and you took all of their drugs

- I know.

- and this is still Hmm.

- It's not fair.

I don't want to die just when

I'm getting used to my new boobs.

Stop. You're not gonna die.

I am, actually. It, um,

metastasized to my bones.

- Mmm.

- It's incurable.

[birds chirping]

[sobbing] Can you just give me

one second? I'm so, so sorry.

- Hey.

- [sobs] I'm sorry, I'm

Babe, it's okay. It's okay.

No, I feel like it's just gonna get

a little bit bigger. Just let me

[retches, cries]

I Just kidding.

I'm fine! [chuckles]

- Y-You are?

- No.

- Oh, my God! What the f*ck?

- Sorry. I don't know why I said that.

- What the f*ck?

- I'm not doing a very good job with this.

- What are you doing? What is it?

- I don't know how to do this!

I don't know how to tell

you that I'm going to die!

Yeah, you're bad at this!

This is a bad way to tell me!

I'm sorry. I'm so

sorry. I'm sorry.

- [crying] Oh, God.

- [sighs]

You look so nice.

Like, if you're dying, like, why are

you f*cking weirdly vibing right now?

- Like, glowing from within right now.

- [chuckles]

- Is this your natural inner radiance?

- [chuckling] I don't know.

- I'm so f*cking confused, overstimulated.

- What is this? Is she drunk?

- No. No. I just told her that I'm dying.

- What? No, I'm not drunk.

- I'm human having human emotions.

- Why is her crying so loud?

[strained] This is how I cry!

She's an actress. Her emotions

live very close to the surface.

Huh? Leave!

- Go!

- No, I won't do that.

My friend is a paying customer!

She bought this f*cking

weird f*cking soda from you.

- Yeah, I did. Good Value Diet Soda.

- Okay, that's nice.

But that doesn't

give you the right

to stand outside my store

and scream like a lunatic!

Don't come out here and tell two

people in a private conversation

- [both yelling, muffled]

- [Molly] Look at her.

- No. She's nice. You're not so nice.

- Do not f*cking talk about her!

[Molly] Not afraid. Everything out

in the open. I love this woman.

- [whimsical music playing]

- [mouthing] Oh, my God.

[no audible dialogue]

I'm having a normal reaction,

and a deep experience that I don't

even wanna f*cking be having!

- So go inside!

- The hell is What the

- Fine.

- Mm-hmm.

- Stay.

- Cool.

Just shut the f*ck up! Please!

- [music fades out]

- [sniffles]

[door opens, closes]

- He said we can stay.

- Yeah. No, I heard.

You have to try this soda. The

aftertaste is unbelievably bad.

- Oh, it's junk.

- I know. I can't stop drinking it.

It's very bad.

When did you find out?

Twenty minutes ago.

- What?

- In the middle of couples therapy.

- [doctor] Molly, is this a good time?

- Uh, yes.

Okay. I have the results

of the biopsy on your hip

and, um, unfortunately it is not

what we had hoped for [distorts]

[Molly] It didn't feel real. I couldn't

even hear what the doctor was saying.

I didn't feel sad, I just saw

myself as a seven-year-old, dancing.

And this seven-year-old version

of myself was being so mean to me.

[classical music

plays, muffled]

She was really a jerk.

[grunts, distorted]

She knew.

She knew what I'd done with

my life and was mad about it.

She knew that Steve didn't touch

me anymore, and she got so sad.

Because I think that she could

see that I've spent my whole life

being scared of what I feel.

And I was so f*cking pissed

at her at this point.

And also, she's a

terrible dancer.

[music fades out]

I got off the phone

and I told Steve,

and he gave me this look

of, like, pity, or

I don't know. It wasn't

pity, it was like

I'll call the hospital.

We're gonna get through this.

[Molly] Excitement.

Oh, f*cking Steve! I wanna

shove him into a bush.

If I'm sick, then everything

is so simple between us.

Yeah.

He's the caretaker and the

martyr, and I'm his patient.

- Mm-hmm.

- And that means he won't touch me.

Oh, my God. Can he not see you?

If he doesn't wanna touch you,

then, like, he's not well.

But I Like, I support your marriage.

Obviously, I support your marriage.

So I'm standing there,

and I'm looking at him,

- and then all of a sudden

- Uh-huh.

I get this flash of a memory of

this guy who went down on me in my 20s.

I did not think you

were gonna say that.

I mean, his head is in my hands. So

vivid. I can feel his hair in my fingers.

- [friend] Oh, yes.

- [Molly] I mean, someone walked in on us.

I never even finished, but it

was the best I've ever felt.

- Yes.

- [Molly] And I just kept thinking,

I don't wanna die without

ever feeling that way again.

And then I run across the

street to this bodega.

To this bodega? Like, you ran

from therapy to here? Like

Yeah. It's right there.

Oh, look. That's Dr. Anne.

- Oh, my God. What is she saying?

- [Molly] I don't know.

- "Are you okay?" Are you okay?

- No, I'm very bad.

Wait. Oh, my God. She's

getting Steve. sh**t. Hide me.

- What?

- Hide me. [stammers]

Oh, um Hold on. Uh

I don't think this is

gonna give you what want.

Oh, no. Oh, oh I mean,

make another choice.

- We have Steve. Steve's on the move.

- Okay. All right. Let's go.

Where are we going?

Just leave it.

- [Steve] Don't leave!

- Here. Go, go, go. I got you.

[Molly] Thank God

he doesn't jaywalk.

[friend] Oh, my gosh.

Okay. Are you good?

[Molly] Why am I so much

bigger than I thought I was?

[Steve] Wait, wait, wait. Just

let me talk to you for a second.

- [Molly] Drive! Nikki, please drive.

- All right.

- He's getting closer. I can feel it.

- [Steve] Nikki, no! Nikki, no!

- I don't have a f*cking push start thing.

- [Molly] Oh, my God!

Like, I'll deal with it in

It just sticks. Also, one other

thing, just super quick

- Hey, hey, hey. Hi.

- Oh, my God.

[both chuckle, kiss]

Hold on just a sec.

- Just don't tongue me down right now.

- Mmm. What? Oh.

- I mean

- Hi. Hi, Molly.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Sorry. Didn't see

you there. [chuckles]

[chuckling] Did Nikki tell

you that she moved in?

Oh, yeah.

- We're living in sin.

- Yeah.

- Taking the plunge.

- [both chuckle]

- Yeah.

- Don't tell my grandma in Taiwan.

[Nikki chuckles]

- [rapid thudding]

- [breathes heavily]

Your boobs are so relaxing.

They're like a cup of hot tea.

[sighs] I'm sorry. He's playing Mahler's

Sixth with the phil tomorrow night.

I'm playing Mahler's

Sixth tomorrow!

Don't ever ask him about Mahler

because he starts whispering

in a really weird way.

Are you telling her how

I'm horny for Mahler?

[chuckles]

You guys are living together

already? When were you gonna tell me?

- I love him.

- You just met him.

[chuckling] It's been,

like, three months. I think?

- Is he being nice to you?

- Yes, he's being nice to me,

and I'm being nice to him.

This is why I didn't

want to tell you.

- [whispers] Sorry. Sorry.

- Please don't be weird.

Just tell me to f*ck off.

f*ck off.

It's good. It's different.

He doesn't vampire off my self-esteem

or sell my shoes on the Internet.

Noah's the most normal guy that

I've ever had amazing sex with.

Look at that. Look at that.

But you have amazing

sex with everyone.

[Nikki] Mmm.

You once had an orgasm on the subway

just from listening to a podcast.

- Yeah.

- Was it true crime?

I think it was The Daily.

[both chuckle]

- Steve hasn't touched me in three years.

- What? No.

How is that even possible? I

didn't know it was that long.

I mean, my t*ts

were full of cancer,

and then with the chemo, I

had diarrhea for about a year.

But still. Like,

you're you. You.

[phone rings]

[Molly] Probably Steve.

But the worst thing is he's gonna forgive

me for this because I'm his sad, sick,

unfuckable wife.

He's the one who's

gonna save me.

- [Nikki] There.

- [ringing continues]

[Molly sighs] Not yet.

Um, are you gonna tell Gail?

[sighs] What's Noah's Wi-Fi?

TimpaniTime45. Are you

going to tell Gail?

She's on a trip. Can we make

fun of that password, please?

No. Where? Where is

your mom on a trip?

- She's north.

- You're lying.

Yes, I am. Will you tell

me more about the play?

No. No. Please don't do

your thing. Just talk to me.

Why are you hiding from Steve?

Why don't you wanna

tell your mom?

She loves you.

- She's gonna need to know

- Stop!

I'm making you soup.

- The good kind from the packet?

- Mm-hmm. I know what baby likes.

[breathes sharply]

[sobs]

- [slurps]

- That is why

It is this big Shakespeare

production. It's, like, this is it.

This is what I've

been hoping to do

ever since I was a kid pretending

that I wasn't from New Jersey.

It's not a big deal. Please, you

don't have to call me every day.

No. It's not fine. It's

not. It's not fine.

[Molly] You've been like this since

you were 22, you beautiful flake.

I just Yeah, I get really

caught up in work and

- What's that like?

- No. f*ck that.

You do everything for Steve. You

organized his whole stupid book.

It wasn't stupid. It

was a Pulitzer finalist.

Well, nobody bought it because

it was so f*cking depressing.

Well, it wasn't supposed to be

fun. It was about climate change.

Pfft. I couldn't sh*t for

a month after I read it.

[Nikki giggles]

I was too sad to sh*t.

[door buzzes]

Okay, you know

what? That's Steve.

- He's been texting me.

- Not yet.

[door buzzes]

[teenager] Dad, get the door.

Hi, Winter. Hi.

This is Winter, Noah's daughter.

She stays here on

Wednesdays, which is great.

And, Winter, this

is my friend Molly.

- [door buzzes]

- Dad?

- Yeah, look at my body right now.

- [Winter] Dad.

I'm, like, afraid of her.

But she's really sweet.

- [Noah] I didn't hear that.

- It's like I'm a dork. I am cool.

- I am cool.

- [Noah] Okay.

- Hi, wait. Hold on. Don't get the door.

- [Noah] Okay.

- It's Steve. We're not doing that.

- [Noah] Oh.

- Oh, did he cheat on you?

- No. She doesn't wanna talk about it.

My cancer is back,

and it's not curable.

- [door buzzes]

- [whispers] Oh.

- Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I had no idea.

- It's okay.

- [Molly] No cancer pity face.

- [door opens]

- [Steve] Molly.

- I let him in. What? What's happening?

[Nikki groans]

[Steve] Sorry to barge

in like this. I just

[Winter whispers] Is

she dying of cancer?

[Noah] Oh, my God,

baby, I don't think

All right, Molly,

let's head out.

[Molly] I forgot how hot he is

when he's mad and wearing a blazer.

Hello? What's going on?

I'm sorry. She's not dying of

cancer. It's just incurable.

How is that

different than dying?

[Molly] Stop saying "dying."

Is there any way you

could stop saying "dying"?

Are you guys smoking in here?

- [sighs] Are you smoking in here?

- [laughs]

- Oh, come on.

- Who are these people, Dad?

- Molly. Let's go.

- This is why I don't wanna live with you

- and your random-a*s girlfriend.

- [Molly] Whoa, yes.

- [Noah] Nikki is not random-a*s.

- [Nikki] No. I am random.

- [Molly] Yes.

- This is happening fast, but I love her.

We're drinking soda too? Great.

[groans] I have to study for the

PSATs. I can't deal with cancer.

- I think we should talk about it.

- I don't wanna talk about it.

Smoking? And having stressful

emotional interactions.

That's This is perfect.

This is exactly what we need.

Can we go?

[Molly] Oh, you're so

disappointed in me. It's so hot.

None of this is

appropriate right now.

[Molly] I'm always doing the

wrong thing and you hate it.

It's a great environment for

you right now. [clears throat]

Hey, Steve.

Nikki.

I called the hospital.

They want you to meet with a

palliative care social worker

after our appointment

with the doctor tomorrow.

Just to help with some of these

big emotions you're having.

[clears throat]

We're done.

Look at this. Can't

even recycle it.

I'm making you juice.

You remember when

you used to f*ck me?

Like, really f*ck me?

[sighs]

You'd take me to parties

with all your friends,

and you'd talk about books

I never read. [chuckles]

And I'd get insecure,

and I'd pick a fight.

You'd have to take me home.

My priority right now is keeping

you alive as long as possible.

[breathes deeply]

Which means no caffeine,

no sugar, no green drink.

[sighs]

We're gonna start a food diary.

We're gonna set a bedtime.

- Molly. Molly!

- [panting]

Do you not wanna live longer?

I wanna blow you.

[whispers] Okay.

[panting]

[both moaning]

[moaning continues]

[moaning]

[sobbing]

- [sobbing] I'm sorry.

- [whispers] It's okay.

- I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay.

[Molly] What if that's

the last time I have sex?

Half a blow job

that made him cry?

It's okay.

- It's just your boobs.

- What?

[sobbing] When I touch 'em, it

makes me think of the mastectomy,

and then I think

about losing you.

- My boobs make you think about death?

- Yeah.

I just don't understand,

like, what is this all about?

Like, wha-what is this

need of yours to blow me?

'Cause it's a little weird

considering what happened to you.

I'm sorry, but just, like,

your childhood trauma

You say trauma like "traw-ma"?

- It's a W-What do you mean?

- Say it.

- Trauma.

- "Traw-ma."

Yeah. That's how you say it.

Jesus! f*ck! I'm just

saying, what I'm

The first time you got

cancer, it re-traumatized you.

And then, like, this recurrence is

gonna probably add to the trauma.

[sighs] You're just deflecting.

You're deflecting, and you

can't even talk about it.

My mom's boyfriend made me give

him a blow job when I was seven.

- There. I talked about it.

- But you haven't processed it.

- I don't What does that mean?

- You know what it means.

When do you know that you've

processed your childhood?

You know what it means.

[sighs]

I have an interview

with CNN in ten minutes.

I tried to reschedule it

but they wouldn't let me.

[Molly] Who are you?

Do you know anything about me?

Um, can you get the interview with the

with the family with the with the baby?

Yeah.

[Molly] Did I do this? Did

I stop you from knowing me?

Are you the last person

I'll see before I die?

Is this sweater Does it give

me a little pooch in the front?

[Dr. Pankowitz] All right. Well.

I, um

I just wanna say,

I'm sorry. So

[Steve] Well, thanks,

Dr. P. Appreciate that.

[Molly] Say something.

[Steve, muffled] I know

we got a long road ahead.

I guess I'm wondering how soon you

think you'll have a treatment plan.

- [Dr. Pankowitz, muffled] Soon.

- [Molly] What do you want?

What do you want right now?

Well

[Molly] Say something.

Say something.

possible for Molly to

come off the Tamoxifen now?

- Yeah, we could do that.

- Side effects have been rough.

- What side effects specifically?

- Stop it. Stop it. That's not

What?

It's not yours to

- He's my doctor.

- [thud]

- [Steve] Okay.

- Sorry.

I think we're still reeling

from the stage four of it all.

- Stop it. Stop it.

- What?

- It's my life. It's my death. It's mine.

- Okay.

[sighs]

- You know, maybe I should just

- No, you can stay.

Oh

- Okay, are you trying to hurt me?

- No. It's not about you.

This is about what I want.

This is about how I feel.

And I wanna feel things.

[stammers] I want to feel things.

[stammers] What

does that even mean?

I don't need to have

this conversation.

I don't need palliative care.

I'm not gonna die tomorrow.

Well, palliative care is all about

how you want to live with this.

Well, I'm here for psychological

support, pain management.

And when you're actively

dying, I'm here for that too.

Hey. I know it's cheesy,

but [whispers] everybody

has a bucket list.

I tell patients to dream big.

You know, climb a mountain,

eat something spicy.

- You know, roller-skate.

- I have cancer in my bones.

Well, it doesn't have

to be roller-skating

You think if I learn to

f*cking roller-skate

- What about whales?

- Look

Have you ever seen

a whale before?

I'm too young, and

it sucks, okay?

I haven't done

anything with my life.

I actually don't know what

I like, or what I want.

I've never

I've never even had an

orgasm with another person.

[sobbing] And now

I'm going to die.

[social worker] Good.

Molly.

Hey.

We have something for your list.

[sobs, sniffles]

[singing] "Orgasm

with another person."

[both laughing]

Yeah?

What is that?

Oh.

You know, I like to have

a little leather on me.

[Molly] Ask her.

Are you into leather?

I like to be hog-tied.

Like, hands and feet?

Like, legs together.

What does that feel like?

Thank you for not

asking if it hurts.

[exhales sharply] It's

It's very intense.

Does that kind of

thing speak to you?

You know, because you

could start exploring.

Molly, there's a

whole world out there.

If you want it.

[car door opens, closes]

[pedestrians chattering]

I think I just left Steve.

Okay.

I told him I don't

wanna die with him.

Oh.

Oh, sh*t. [chuckles] Okay.

I wanna die with you.

But it's okay if you can't.

If it's too much to

[chuckles]

["Vampire Empire" playing]

Yeah. Let's do it. Die with me.

[chuckling] Yeah.

[Molly] Thank you.

Thank you.

Sweetie.

- [horn honks]

- Oh.

Jesus Christ!

I felt that in my f*cking as*h*le,

okay? This is a f*cking hospital!

- Go somewhere else to honk your horn.

- Hey. Move your car, please!

Sir, I'm talking to my friend

who just left her husband.

- So just give me one f*cking second!

- Cry me a f*cking river!

- Jesus Christ!

- Move your car! I need to get home.

I'm being appropriate. I'm with someone

at the hospital. I'm not honking.

- I'm not yelling at people.

- Cry me a river. Move the car.

I'm a person doing the thing that

people are doing at the hospital

- other than being sick.

- You know what? f*ck it.

- I'll move it myself. Ah, f*ck!

- What? Don't get up. Oh, my God!

No. Just stay there.

I'm sorry. I don't

- Go, go, go!

- [Molly giggles]

f*ck you! You started this!

You're a f*cking d*ck!

- [horn honks] - [Nikki]

Just get in. Get in. Go.

[Nikki] Get in. Get in.

Drive.

I see you there rejecting

All your earthly power ♪

I wanted to see you naked

I wanted to hear you scream ♪

Wanted to kiss your

skin And your everything ♪

You turn me inside out And

then you want me Outside in ♪

You spin me all around And

then you ask me Not to spin ♪

You say you wanna be alone

And you want children ♪

You wanna be with me

You wanna be with him ♪

You give me chills I've

had it with the drills ♪

I'm nothing, you are nothing

We are nothing with the pills ♪

I am empty till she fills

Alive until she kills ♪

In her vampire

empire, I am ♪

Falling, yeah ♪

[song ends]