01x06 - Happy Holidays

[bunniefuu]

["Shakedown Street" playing]

I played this song in

the car this morning.

- [Nikki laughs]

- [Sonya scatting]

[all cheer]

- Surprise!

- Hi. What

What is this? What

What's happening? What

My metastatic cancer

is one year old today!

- Oh.

- [Sonya laughs]

[Nikki cheers]

Dr. P, do you want some cake?

No, thank you. Oh, Funfetti.

- But no. I You Actually, I will

- Hmm?

I will take one of

those party hats.

Nothing would make me happier.

Aw. The thing is, I actually

I actually have a one year old.

You know, she quacks at ducks.

[Molly] Cute.

So, anyway, I wanted to, um

I just wanted to check in and, uh, tell you

that the scan showed no new spreads. So

- [cheering]

- Holding Holding steady.

No, but I wanna keep

an eye on the nausea,

- right?

- Okay.

Cannabis therapy

seems to be working.

And Sonya tells me that

you are the most popular member of

the stage four, uh, support group.

- So Yes, so

- Stage four. Stage four.

- Yep. Stage four.

- Well, good. No, good. Good.

And so, what's everyone

doing for Thanksgiving?

- My partners are cooking.

- Par

I didn't know you had a company.

No, no, partners.

I'm in a polycule.

I'm in a relationship

with two other people.

Well, that's fantastic. Good.

Yeah. More More hands

to stuff the turkey.

[laughs]

- Or

- Naughty. That's nasty.

Yeah, okay.

Well, this has been a Just the

most wonderful party for your

Love you, Dr. P.

- Thank you.

- Oh, well, that's very sweet.

- Well, here. I'm gonna give you this back.

- No, no.

Keep it. Keep it, please.

Thank you. Thank you.

[Sonya] Right?

[all laughing]

Nothin' shakin' On

Shakedown Street ♪

Used to be The

heart of town ♪

[song ends]

[soft pop playing]

Oh, my God.

Is that what I think

it Is that a butt plug?

[gasps]

And its little friend.

Hold on

- Ta-da.

- Aw.

It's a whole butt plug family.

- Yeah.

- Baby, mama, papa.

I did not know that you guys

were into butt plug stuff.

Yeah, he said he wanted

to give it a try.

Special Thanksgiving treat.

Oh, my gosh.

Before the meal, I hope.

[chuckling] If you

know what I mean.

Hey, if you guys are gonna do stuff

with your butts and butt plugs,

can you just not

do it on the couch?

Because that's my home now.

I go where his butt leads. So

[chuckles]

- Hey, man

- No guarantees.

Happy cancer birthday, baby.

Thanks. You're the

greatest woman alive.

I'm sorry I can't eat

this beautiful cake.

I can't eat anything good.

[knocks on door]

All righty. Okay, I'm

outta here. That's him.

Okay. You okay?

[Nikki] Yeah, I'm good.

I love the hallway.

I love the buzz of the fluorescent

lights. It really chills me out. [sighs]

Thank you. You have

everything you need?

Oh, yeah.

Hey.

She's Oh. She's in there.

Okay. Uh, what

what are you up to?

What am I up to?

Yeah. I mean, you know, we

never get the chance to talk.

So I just thought maybe

We could talk about

what I'm up to.

[chuckles]

Okay, I'm gonna call

hospital billing

and yell at them for sending

bills that are not real bills

when they actually just want

her insurance company to pay.

And then I think that I will

try to look for an apartment.

Um, but one that would let me sign

a lease without income or money.

And then if my

system can take it,

I will get more stoned so that

I can forget my broken heart.

Oh, so, you got a

pretty full night.

[scoffs] Yeah. Totally.

Okay.

- [door opens]

- You make her happy.

Okay, ticktock. She's only got energy

for, like, one more hour. So You go.

[groans]

Tell me about this plant you got me for

my cancer birthday, ya piece of sh*t.

I just panicked and

I got you a plant.

Do you like it?

I hate it.

I'm gonna put it in a

pot with no drainage.

It's a monstera deliciosa.

Unique foliage,

easy to care for.

You know what happens if you

keep talking about the plant?

You're gonna need to let it dry

out a little bit between watering.

[grunts]

[whimpering]

Did that hurt?

[whimpering] Yeah. Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Do you want some cake?

Yes, please.

[panting]

Eat it off my finger.

[Neighbor Guy moaning]

[sighs]

[moaning continues]

- Is that Funfetti?

- [Molly] Shut the f*ck up.

I'm gonna untie you.

Keep licking.

[high pitched sound begins]

[Molly] Oh, of course you're

here. Of course you show up.

No. Not now.

Not now.

Get out.

Get out.

Are you okay?

[high pitched sound ends]

I'm sorry.

I got messed with when

I was a little kid,

and I

I've never had an orgasm

with another person.

I'd like to try

to come with you.

I'd really like to try that,

if that's something that

you would like to try.

Yeah.

Yes.

I'm I don't know how many times I can

say yes without sounding like a creep.

Now go stand against the wall and

show me that little pink butt.

In the corner!

I have some good news.

[Nikki] Mm-hmm.

I told him I wanna

come with him.

[support group cheers]

Thank you, thank you.

So we're gonna try that.

And Sonya's helping me with

deep breathing techniques.

So I'm feeling really good.

And I think I'm gonna try

and come by Christmas.

- [cheers]

- Like a Hallmark movie.

- [Nikki cheers] - [Molly]

Molly Comes for Christmas.

She'll be coming 'Round

the mountain When she comes ♪

Yeehaw!

- She'll be what?

- coming 'round The mountain ♪

- She'll be what? Come on.

- coming 'round The mountain ♪

She'll be coming 'Round

the mountain When she comes ♪

[moans, chuckles]

Thank you for letting

me join this group.

[all chuckle]

[Frenchie] You know what

I want for Christmas?

A new f*cking wig that doesn't

make me look like Bea Arthur.

I know. How about insurance start

covering wigs with Black hair texture?

That would make me come.

- [gasps]

- [support group laughs]

I think we all need a deep breath

in for that one. Come on now.

[all breathe deeply]

- [Sonya] And chill.

- [support group sighs]

Listen, you seem pretty cool,

but what are you doing here?

Don't you have anything better to do than

hang around with a bunch of dying b*tches?

- Uh [chuckles]

- Uh

- Slight burn, but No, I don't.

- Yeah.

I actually don't.

And I think I'm good for the group

because I'm generally very sad.

Very, very sad.

Um, because my boyfriend

and I broke up. And also

f*ck him.

Uh, Nikki is an amazing actor.

Not anymore, but

Yeah. I don't know.

At least I don't have cancer,

'cause that seems like it sucks.

[Sonya] All right. We're

gonna try something new today.

I want you to get

out your notebooks.

We're gonna write

something that scares us.

- [Nikki] Yes.

- Or draw it.

[Sonya] And I'd like you to keep working

on these at home this week, okay?

Let's go.

[somber music playing]

[girl] What are you writing?

[door opens]

What are you doing?

You're being weird. You need me.

[sighs]

[music ends]

Steve took us to this therapist

who said that if I told the story of

what happened to me again and again,

then I would get over it.

But I never really wanna talk

about it in front of Steve.

So tell me the story.

But you already know it.

Yeah, but I've never really

heard it all together.

- I wrote it down.

- Mm-hmm.

I can read it to you.

"The summer I turned seven,

I was molested by my

mom's new boyfriend.

He was rich.

He had a fancy watch

that my mom loved.

He was taking us to Florida.

So the night before the trip,

we stayed at his apartment.

We took our suitcases

over in the rain.

My mom asked for orange juice.

I was standing in the doorframe between

the living room where my mom was,

and the bedroom, where he was stirring

powder into her juice with his finger.

I didn't tell her.

A few minutes later,

she passed out cold.

Then her boyfriend had me play oral sex

games, telling me he loved me. And

All I wanted to do was leave.

But he'd hid my clothes.

So I threw a brush at him and

stormed out of his bedroom.

I wanted to go home.

I went to find my mom. I

shook her as hard as I could.

'We have to go, ' I said.

She woke up for three seconds

and said, 'Go on, I'm sleeping.'

Then I went back to the boyfriend and

apologized for hitting him with a brush."

Are you sleeping?

Was that so boring?

[sniffling] What?

No. I'm crying.

Oh.

Obviously I'm crying.

Yeah, that makes more sense.

[whispering] It's okay.

[sniffs]

[chuckles]

- Did you fart?

- Yeah. [laughs]

[Nikki] You farted. [chuckles]

I'm sorry.

It was a stress fart.

[stammers]

I figured you couldn't get mad at

me 'cause of what I just told you.

No, obviously I'm just gonna

have to deal with it. Yeah.

It's just I'm just

really right here.

[both chuckle]

Do you think I'm cured?

Do you think 'cause I said

it out loud that I'm cured?

[somber music continues]

I think that we

should call Sonya

and find a therapist.

No, I can do it.

I have you.

Tell me where.

On your leg.

Just with one finger.

On the inside of your thigh.

Say please.

[Neighbor Guy] Please.

Yes.

You can touch my

thigh with one finger.

[breathing heavily]

Knee.

[Molly moans]

My leg.

Foot.

Toes.

Palm.

Fingertips.

Chest.

Scar.

[Molly] "I'm afraid the

people I love want me to die.

Because it's hard for

my family to know"

I feel so stupid.

I mean, she's reading what

I wrote, but I'm dancing?

She's gonna read what

you wrote out loud,

and you're just gonna

move along with it.

Try to find where the

fear lives in your body.

You got this. Okay.

"It's hard for my family

to know I'm dying,

but not right away.

Sometimes I feel

them pulling away.

I don't blame them.

Fine, I blame them.

[Sonya chuckles]

[Molly] But my wife

isn't pulling away.

And I feel guilty.

Like I should start

letting her go.

Speaking of letting go,

I just sh*t my pants. Bye."

[Sonya laughs]

[Nikki] Yes.

Okay, who's next?

Are you pregnant again

or is this the same baby?

- Is No, I know that sounds wrong.

- What?

Of course it's

not the same baby.

- You've met my daughter. No. This is

- I Yeah, I know.

This is I'm pregnant again.

If you're gonna keep

having so many babies,

I feel like you should at least

change your f*ck' maternity wear,

because it does

all look the same.

[laughs]

It seems like a prank.

Okay. You are a mess.

You don't even have a

bed. Look at us, please.

We Look at us right now.

We're right next to the elevator, and

we're having Hanukkah in a hallway.

All right. Okay. Seriously.

- You need I have

- No, get serious.

- Honestly, this is the setting for it.

- I have to get serious with you.

Right? I'm in my

business attire.

- Let's f*ck' talk.

- You need boundaries with her.

Okay? You I'm serious.

Thanks. I will. I will try to

do that. I'll I'll work in

I'll work on boundaries with

my my dying best friend.

- Look, I know you love her. I know that.

- Look, I got it.

But it

I just thought you were gonna take

her to some doctor's appointments.

- I had no idea you were gonna give up

- What?

everything else in your life.

Like, you loved Noah.

Yeah, it was never about taking her

to f*cking doctor's appointments.

- Well

- It was I was always, like

How do I explain this

to you? Like, this.

This is some of her blood on my shirt.

I don't even know when it's from.

I have her blood on, like, half

of my shirts at this point.

It's, like, how I look, okay?

And And when I see this,

what I think is, I'm gonna

be happy that it's here.

I'm gonna be happy that this stain is

here when I don't have her anymore.

Does she know what

you're doing for her?

Hey, you know what? We forgot

the most important part.

[clears throat]

Oh, yeah, we did.

[both chuckle]

- Okay.

- You ready?

Oh Hanukkah, Oh Hanukkah

Come light the menorah! ♪

Let's have a party

We'll all dance the hora ♪

Can I touch you again?

Here.

[moans]

[sighs] Okay.

[Molly moans]

I love you.

[high pitched sound begins]

Is Is that weird timing?

[Molly whispering] No.

[grunts]

[muffled] Molly?

- [molly whimpers]

- [Neighbor guy, muffled] Molly?

[girl] Go. Go.

[Molly breathing shakily]

[girl] Go.

- [door closes]

- [high pitched sound ends]

[Molly panting]

"The first man who told me he

loved me was my mother's boyfriend.

He made me say it back to him.

He wanted me to say the words.

I think he knew he was

taking away love for me.

He is there every

time love is there."

I'm sorry. This isn't

gonna work for me.

- I

- It's okay. It's okay.

Just return to the breath.

No. No, I-I don't need

to dance about something

that happened 30 years ago.

It's not gonna change anything.

Molly. Uh, your leg.

No. I'm not gonna breathe into

my leg and send it kind energy.

No. Your leg is Your

Your leg's all puffed up.

Oh, great. f*cking great.

[Dr. Pankowitz] You have deep

vein thrombosis in your leg,

and we don't want those blood

clots to move to your lungs, huh?

So you're gonna have to go on some

pretty heavy-duty blood thinners

and, um, I'm afraid you're

gonna have to spend, uh,

at least a few weeks here

so we can, uh, monitor you.

Um

Do you

Do you want me to

breathe with you?

She hasn't spoken

in a couple hours.

- [Dr. Pankowitz] Right.

- I think she just needs some time.

Of course, of course.

No, nobody wants to spend

Christmas in the hospital, right?

I'm sorry. So

[door opens]

Hey. Hey.

[door closes]

You'll come by Martin

Luther King Day.

Presidents' Day.

It's what Lincoln

would have wanted.

Definitely JFK.

[phone buzzing]

It's him.

Are you sure that you

don't want to take that?

[buzzing fades]

[electrical humming]

[festive music fades in]

[festive music

playing over radio]

[nurse] Here you go.

One for you.

Enjoy.

Merry Christmas.

After tonight,

you're gonna be like,

"Why have I never spent New

Year's Eve at the hospital?

What have I been

doing my whole life?"

["My Kink Is Karma" playing]

- We're ready.

- [Molly] Babe? Babe?

Yeah?

I'm leaving.

What?

I'm checking myself out of the

hospital. I just made a date.

You just can't,

like With who?

You remember that guy I

canceled on three times?

Dante. He has the

karate dojo in Queens.

Well uh, are you

gonna wear that?

Yeah. Why?

It's kind of a bummer.

Like, I just

I got these dresses because they're

for us to wear on New Year's together.

- Okay.

- That's what this is.

How much were they?

I'll pay you back.

Obviously, it's not about that.

They were five dollars at a thrift

store. It's more just, like

What is this? Like,

who is this guy?

- Is he even kinky? Do you like him?

- I don't know.

- Like

- I don't know. I don't care.

He said he likes hand jobs.

And, lucky for him, so do I.

- Cool.

- [Molly] Come here, gorge.

Okay. Cool. So you're gonna

check out of this hospital,

awesome idea, and leave to go

give a stranger a hand job?

Yeah.

[Nikki scoffs]

Rather than, let's say, trying to be

with someone that you're in love with?

Stop it.

I'm sorry, but it's just

like, what are you doing?

You were really, really

close. You were so close.

I was never close. It

wasn't serious, okay?

[Molly] I'm gonna

be late. Jesus.

What do you want me to do here?

You just want me to sit here

and watch you try to

hurt yourself now?

That This, right here,

this whole f*cking move is why I

gave up my whole life? For this?

I told you not to

give up your life.

That's what I told

you not to do.

[Nikki] You told me you

wanted to die with me.

So I am dying with you.

We're dying here together.

- No, it's not happening to you.

- That's what we're doing.

You're not dying.

I'm

It's hot When you

have a meltdown ♪

In the front of your house

And you're getting kicked out ♪

I didn't ask for any of this.

And you're getting called out

'Cause you're running Your mouth ♪

Oh, god And it's

coming around ♪

I don't want to be happy.

It's coming around ♪

Oh, god Oh, god ♪

People say I'm jealous

But my kink is watching ♪

You ruin your life ♪

It's just a balloon wall.

You dyeing your hair ♪

People say I'm jealous

But my kink is watching ♪

You crashing your car ♪

You breaking your heart ♪

You thinking I care ♪

People say I'm jealous

But my kink is karma ♪

[song ends]

Hey.

Happy New Year.

Oh, thanks.

Why'd you stop?

Sorry, I can't feel my hand.

Just keep going. Come on.

What are you doing?

Breathing exercises.

I thought we were hooking up.

Did you hear me? I said

I can't feel my hand.

Why would I give you a hand

job if I can't feel my hand?

Like, how much longer are

you gonna breathe for?

I'm still hard.

I don't want to do this anymore.

This feels bad.

Are you f*cking serious?

Yeah. So f*cking serious.

Good luck with your dojo.

[door opens, closes]

You were right. It sucked.

[scoffs]

I'm sorry.

No, I am sorry.

You do not have to be happy,

and you don't have

to be happy for me.

It's just been so hard.

I keep thinking

about everything.

I can't get any of

it out of my head.

Yeah. Then I think maybe

just let it be there.

[breathing shakily]

I'm so sad.

Yeah, I think you're grieving.

I think you're finally you're

really grieving what he did to you.

No. I wasn't.

[shakily] I tried to hold his hand,

and he told me to stop being a child.

[scoffs]

[sniffles] And you did.

- You did. You did stop being a child.

- [groans]

[somber music fades in]

Oh, yes.

Yes.

[chuckles] Oh, my God.

Why am I laughing?

[Nikki] Sonya said, you

know, you just go for it.

You can laugh. You can burp.

You can fart. You can yawn.

Whatever you need to

feel, you just do that.

[sighs]

[laughs]

[footsteps approaching]

[birds chirping]

Hey.

- Hi. Just wanna say hi.

- Hi.

Didn't wanna

interrupt your walk.

It's a beautiful day.

[Neighbor Guy] Yeah. Yeah.

- Um

- [Neighbor Guy] Where's Nikki?

Oh, she's with her sister.

All right. Well,

I'll-I'll see you.

I've never seen you

outside in the day before.

Is it disappointing?

[sighs]

Well, I'll see you.

[sighs]

[gasps]

Molly?

Hey, Molly.

I think I fell.

Yeah, I'm gonna

call an ambulance.

[breathlessly] Wait.

- No, I don't think I should wait.

- Shut up for a second.

I want you to know I love you.

And I think we should

just love each other.

I love you. Of

course I love you.

I think we have a

real future together.

[laughs]

["Tears Stupid

Tears" fades in]

I love you.

- I love you. I love you.

- [Neighbor Guy] Hello? Hi. Hello.

Hello. I've got an emergency

and need an ambulance.

[Molly] I love you.

[Neighbor Guy, fading]

She's struggling to breathe.

We are at the corner

of St. James and, uh

Time is a matter of fact ♪

And it's gone And

it'll never come back ♪

And mine It's

wasted all the time ♪

Tears, stupid

tears Bring me down ♪

I got lucky by coincidence ♪

But I got my feelings bent ♪

And my head Looking

at the ground ♪

Tears, stupid

tears Bring me down ♪

[song fades]