01x08 - It's Not That Serious

[bunniefuu]

- [Nikki] Okay.

- [Molly chuckles]

[both laughing]

[Nikki] Yeah.

Okay. Okay.

After you talk to her, I

will discuss some options.

Okay. Are you, uh

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Yeah?

It's my job.

[sniffles] I'll need a second.

[laughing]

- [Nikki] Oh, man.

- [Molly screams] He can talk.

- Yeah.

- [nurse] Hi.

- Hi.

- Hi.

[both chuckle]

I'm Amy.

- Hi. Sorry.

- Hi.

Well, now that Dr. Pankowitz

has talked to you,

I'm here to talk to

you about hospice.

What do you mean a hospice?

Has Dr. Pankowitz [stammers]

sh**t.

Eh, sh**t, sh**t. Um

You know what? Don't

worry about it.

I'm gonna come back

later. How about that?

[door opens]

[Amy] Hi. There was a

little misunderstanding and,

I'm not gonna sugarcoat

it, I boned this.

Oh, Jesus, Amy!

Molly. Hey.

I'm so sorry you

found out this way.

Hi.

Hi, Molly.

[whispering] Dr. P.

Uh, we got the results

from the lumbar puncture,

and they showed that

the cancer has spread

to the lining of your

spinal cord and your brain.

[Molly exhales]

So you failed?

You said five years.

- I didn't.

- He didn't.

I think we're looking at a

few weeks to a few months.

But we could still do another

round of chemotherapy.

We could do We could do

What the f*ck Immunotherapy.

If that's what you want.

I ca I can't do that.

Okay.

- Okay?

- Yeah.

I can come back at better time.

Well, f*ck, Amy.

Now we need you.

Goodbye, Jerry. Thank you.

Bye, Molly.

- Bye, Nikki.

- See you around.

Yeah.

Ooh, welcome.

Let me know if I can

help you with anything.

You gals like puzzles? Or books?

I got so many art supplies.

Hey, you can put anything

on the walls too.

Just don't drill into 'em.

[chuckles] Yeah. We didn't

bring a drill to hospice.

Oh, you'd be surprised.

You'd be surprised.

[Sonya clears throat]

Hey.

You have the power here.

You tell Amy what you

wanna feel and when.

What I want to feel.

[softly] Thank you.

[softly] Thank you.

I want a different room.

I wanna change rooms.

Hmm. I think they're all

pretty much the same,

but we can make this good.

We can decorate.

Not that painting.

That painting's screwed on.

I think it's a masterwork,

but why don't you tell me what you think

is worst part of this gorgeous painting?

The fishermen.

No, it's the boat.

[Nikki] Hmm.

Actually, the fish.

Why are there so many fish?

[Nikki] Such an in-your-face,

like, obscene amount of fish.

I think my mom is calling.

My phone's not ringing.

[phone ringing]

Hmm.

[Nikki gasps]

- Is it

- Oh, my God!

How did you know that?

I think I'm starting

to be magic.

I believe it.

Mom, hi.

I'm in hospice.

[Gail] Okay. Okay.

I, uh I'm here if you need me.

You just tell me when

you need me. I'm nearby.

Where are you?

- [elevator dings]

- I'm in the lobby.

Of the hospital?

- Yes.

- Of this hospital?

I'm in the lobby. How many

times do I have to say it?

Where else was I going to be?

I want you here, Mom.

- Hi, there. Are you

- Gail. My name is Gail.

Mom!

Mom.

[Molly cries]

Oh, baby girl.

My baby girl.

[Amy] Hey.

That kid over

there was wondering

if he could play with that

puzzle for a little while.

No.

No. Okay. I'll tell him that.

She wants to stick with it.

Is she dying?

No.

But neither are you.

Neither am I, so

let's just be cool.

How about search a word?

[door opens]

Hi, Gail. I'm just

I just need to get my bag.

The nurse is gonna bring a

cot in so I can sleep here.

Oh, good, Gail.

Well, I'll just be in the, um

the waiting room

finishing my puzzle.

- Nikki.

- Yeah.

What you've done for her

[Nikki] Oh

Uh, who's taking care of

your dogs while you're gone?

Scotty, my lover.

Would you Would you like to

finish your puzzle in here?

[Nikki] This is cheese.

This is lemon.

Lemon! No, cheese.

[Gail] This is sun.

We're gonna have to start

another pile for the sun.

I'll do sun.

[Nikki] Okay, good. And

can you also do the mouse?

[Gail] Oh, I'd love to

do the mouse. Thank you.

What happened to

your hair? What?

[gasps]

- Wait, is there something weird about it?

- Yeah.

Oh, my God! What

did you do to me?

It wasn't me, man!

It just seems like you might

be coming down with something.

- She always wanted pink hair.

- She wouldn't let me.

[chuckles] It looks dope.

Thank you.

So, as you are filling

out those forms,

who would like to hear about

what happens when you're dying?

That's good enough for me.

Death is not a mystery. It

is not a medical disaster.

It is a bodily process,

like giving birth,

or like going to the

bathroom, or coughing,

having an orgasm.

'Cause your body

knows what to do.

Your body knows how to die!

How cool is that?

Okay. Here's what to expect.

In the last month of your life,

you're gonna stop getting out of bed.

You're gonna to eat and drink a lot

less, and you're gonna sleep a lot more.

Uh, delirium is common.

And some people say they

get this feeling like

time stops being real.

Is that something that

you've been feeling?

- Yes!

- Yes.

Okay. Two to three weeks out,

you're gonna need help

with all daily activities.

But my favorite part of

the dying process is

Amy!

I know. I've been talked

to about my enthusiasm.

I should dial it back. Sorry.

It doesn't work

for me right now.

Should I keep going?

Yeah. But will you hold my hand?

Your body knows what's coming and

it goes into a state of ketosis,

which decreases hunger and pain

and it increases the

sense of euphoria.

And when you start

active dying

What's active dying?

[Amy] Oh, active dying

is a sacred time.

At least it used to be, and it

still is in some parts of the world.

It's the moment when

you're very close to death,

and your body starts

shutting down.

How's everyone doing?

I'm looking at you, Gail.

If, uh, Molly wants to hear it,

I can hear it.

You guys, come here.

I'm good. I'm good. I'm good.

[Amy] In active dying, you

won't be fully conscious.

And your jaw muscles will relax.

Your breathing changes.

And there might be this gurgling

at the back of your throat,

caused by something, unfortunately,

called terminal secretions.

[Molly chuckling]

[Amy] I know.

And when you are

very close to death,

your breathing goes into a cycle of

deep slow breaths and long pauses.

And then eventually,

there's a breath out

that is not followed

by a breath in.

And that's it.

- Hey.

- Yeah, yeah.

[whispering] Can you make sure that

my mouth isn't open when I die?

Okay.

Just don't bite me.

Why would I bite you?

I don't know why I need

you to tell me this,

but please say that

you won't bite me.

How long have you had that fear?

I understand that you would not.

It's very intense in here.

I It's an irrational fear!

[Amy] Okay. And

at a certain time,

if you're just

feeling too weak or

you know, too much pain

or you're just done,

you can talk to me about sedating

you, but then you'll be unconscious.

I-I wanna feel everything

for as long as I can.

Okay, good.

Wait, I forgot to tell

you about the rally!

God! Jesus!

The last week of life,

some people experience

what's called the rally.

And it's this just surge of

energy and mental clarity.

So enjoy the rally.

Just know that you're another

step closer to death, okay?

I f*cking love your vibe, Amy!

You're nuts, man!

I didn't know if you

were gonna wanna see me.

Honestly,

I just like making you cry.

[both chuckle]

Cool.

You in pain?

Yeah.

I had a lot of stuff that I

wanted to tell you in here,

but I'm blanking on everything.

Um, Beth is pregnant.

Oh, that's so good.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

I've been reading a

lot of baby books.

And did you know for

the first few months

they think everything they

see is a part of them?

Isn't that wild?

Like, they don't know the

difference between themselves

and the rest of the world.

Wow. Yeah, I like that.

[Steve] Yeah.

Me too.

[sighs]

[rattling]

[clock ticking]

[ticking continues]

- [waves crashing]

- [gulls squawking]

[bell ringing]

Hey!

[ticking fades]

Hey, Johnny!

The fish are really

biting today, huh?

Time to get all

these g*dd*mn fish!

- Molly.

- Molly.

Molly. Hi.

- [Molly] Oh.

- [p*nis chittering]

Oh, bye, little fella.

Mom!

Look at this!

Wake up.

- Mom, wake up!

- [chicken clucking]

Wake up!

Molly, I'm here!

- [Gail] Molly.

- Mom.

[baby giggling]

- Good morning, Molly.

- I've got your morning pills

- Good morning, Molly.

- Check on your blood pressure.

- Your left arm.

- Molly, over here!

[clamoring]

[jazz music playing]

[baby giggling]

[vocalizes] Time isn't real ♪

It's a circle [vocalizes]

You're gonna die pretty soon ♪

[dog barking]

[Dr. Pankowitz

vocalizing continues]

[laughter]

[Molly vocalizing continues]

[audio fades]

I've been having these visions.

Like, sh*t is flying off the walls

and rotating around the room.

Wow!

Like, it felt like I was

unlinking or something.

Like from the world?

Yeah, and also from, like, time?

[Nikki] Hmm.

Like

I think everything

exists at once.

Like, I'm talking to you,

but I'm also talking to every

version of you I've ever known.

And it's all in

the room with me.

Holy sh*t.

Like the version of me from 2009

when I got the same hairstyle as you?

Yeah.

Is it scary?

No.

I can see how much

pain she's in.

What should I do?

Well, take a breath.

'Cause it is very common

for people to hold on

when they're waiting

for something to resolve

or they're just concerned about

causing their loved one a lot of pain.

You think she's

worried about you?

[sighs]

No.

Not me.

[Molly] I just wish I

could see into the future.

[sighs] I wish I could

see you when you're old.

Oh, that? I mean, we're

basically almost there.

That's gonna be exactly whatever

you think it's gonna be.

It's like, "Oh, hello. I take

art classes at the museum,

and I have loose mints that

are rolling around in my purse.

And I My breath

smells like crayons,

and my farts sound like little

marbles being dropped on a floor."

[Nikki laughing]

[both laugh]

I wish

I wish you could be

there for that too.

[cries]

Did you call Noah

yet to tell him?

No. I'm

- No.

- [phone wolf whistles]

Oh, hey. [chuckles]

I just matched with someone.

Oh. Whew. Just in

the nick of time.

Oh.

Look at that.

"What are you up to?"

[Nikki laughs]

Um, funny that you asked.

Where have you been all my life?

[Nikki] Yeah.

[gasps]

This is a corner piece. Yes!

And that's for me.

Hey.

Hi.

What's What are you doing here?

Gail called me.

Molly wanted me to play

percussion for her.

Gail said she's been listening

to a lot of classical music.

- [Noah] Hey, man.

- Hey.

- I don't want to put this - I

thought it would be a nice surprise.

On you, but it is actually

insane what is going on here.

She broke into my phone.

Guilty. I used her face.

- Mom.

- While I was sleeping, she did that to me.

Is this real, or am I hallucinating

again? I hope it's real.

And her master plan was

to get in touch with Noah

and then she wanted me to

get back together with him,

so that you would be happy.

I'm not I'm not really sure.

Mom.

You said you would be

respectful of boundaries.

With you, not Nikki.

[sighs] Oh, my God.

She thinks that you're worried

about leaving me alone.

If that's the case, you can

completely not worry about me.

Like, I am gonna be okay,

and I'm cool. Like, I'm good.

Just don't, don't even

keep that in your mind.

I'm not I'm good. I'm okay.

Okay, well, I hope

not that okay.

[Nikki chuckles]

Noah.

I'm sorry that I asked

her to do this with me

right when you were beginning

to make a life together.

Oh, I'm not sorry.

She loves you.

With everything that she has.

I'm not sorry about that.

I think that you should break

up with your girlfriend.

It's my dying wish.

Whoa. Don't break up with your

girlfriend. That's I don't

You should break up

with your girlfriend

or I'll haunt the sh*t

out of you in your dreams.

- Why is everyone being insane?

- We broke up.

- [gasps] Oh, Okay.

- [gasps]

[Gail] Oh.

[Noah] Yeah.

- When did you break up?

- Gail

When did you break up?

Um, like a week ago. So

[Nikki] Hmm.

- Yeah, I didn't That

doesn't mean - Oh, no.

I know. Of course not.

I didn't come to hospice

today trying to hook up.

That's not No.

You've got a big instrument.

- Oh, God.

- Yeah. Thanks, Gail.

Um You wanna see what

I can do with it?

- No.

- No.

No.

If you gotta go, you

can You don't have to

- Or you can wait. Okay.

- I want to.

I

I didn't think

that I was capable

of loving someone this much.

But I know I can now.

[Nikki whispering] It's nice.

Yeah, that's how I felt

when Winter was born.

- Hmm.

- It's crazy. It's Yeah.

Yeah.

For me, it's like I'm never gonna be

there at the start of someone's life,

like at the beginning.

But I am gonna be

there at the end.

And I'm just gonna love this

person right up until the end.

That's amazing, Nikki.

Probably go ahead

and love you too.

FYI. [chuckles]

Got it.

[scoffs] Oof.

[phone buzzes]

That's him.

I don't wanna go, but I

got a five-star rating,

and I'm not gonna

f*ck with that.

- I understand.

- Yeah, I know.

I know you do.

Walk me out?

["Heart and Soul" playing]

I wasn't in the running,

I wasn't in the race ♪

You move in a way

That I've known before ♪

Now I want your

love, Heart and soul ♪

- Tired eyes, Tears that dried

- Leaving you ain't easy now ♪

Loving you's the harder part ♪

- Through the door you go - ♪

You never want me For myself ♪

Now I've needed you

right From the very start ♪

Everything you said

was To the point ♪

- Oh, won't you even try to? ♪

- Can't you try to? ♪

Give a little bit

Of heart and soul ♪

Give a little bit

Of love to grow ♪

Give a little bit

Of heart and soul ♪

And don't you make

me Beg for more ♪

Give a sign, I need to know ♪

A little bit Of

heart and soul ♪

Whoa.

What is going on here?

It's the rally!

We think it's the rally.

That was the heart

Of the love we shared ♪

- Do you keep A secret left

untold? - Is all that I need ♪

Can't give love,

Heart or soul ♪

I used to have a lover

With a Midas touch ♪

I turned to gold But

he turned to dust ♪

Left me for another,

I turned to stone ♪

Now give me love,

Heart and soul ♪

- Tired eyes, Tears that dried

- Living in a fantasy ♪

There's never any

room To breathe ♪

Hoping every waking hour ♪

You'll turn around And

say that we can start ♪

Everything you did

Just said it all ♪

- Oh, won't you even try to? ♪

- Can't you try to? ♪

Give a little bit

Of heart and soul ♪

Give a little bit

Of love to grow ♪

[Sonya grunts]

How's the water, honey?

It's good. [sighs]

I'm gonna be outside.

The labor and delivery nurse

told me you have 20 minutes,

and then a rich person's gonna

come have a baby in here.

Yeah.

[door opens, closes]

[Molly gasps]

I thought it would feel good.

But it just hurts.

[Gail] Oh, honey.

[Molly breathes heavily]

I think I'm ready.

[Nikki sighs]

- [softly] Okay.

- [sighs]

[Gail] Good.

I'll go back to the room

and talk to Amy.

Maybe she'll have

some sedation option.

Mom

I know.

I already know.

Anything you could say to me,

I already know.

[door opens, closes]

My body did a really good job.

Oh

It did so good.

[sighs]

[Amy] Okay, I have the

first dose here for you.

Gonna ease your pain. It's gonna

make your breathing so much easier.

[breathes heavily]

[Molly] Know what?

Honestly,

it's not that f*cking serious.

[chuckles]

Let's get this show on the road.

I'm kind of excited.

You know how many

plans and trips

I've had to cancel because

I wasn't feeling well?

And now it's like I get to go

on a trip that's just for me.

- Yeah.

- [Amy] Okay.

I am so proud of you.

And I love you.

And I am so grateful for you.

You are my favorite person

in the whole wide world.

[Molly wheezes]

[wheezes]

[wheezes]

[Molly inhales]

[gurgles]

I'm here.

I'm here and I got you.

[Molly exhales]

Oh, sh*t.

[whispering] Thank

you for not biting me.

[actor] Our revels

now are ended.

These are actors,

As I foretold you,

were all spirits

And melted in the

air, into thin air:

And, like the baseless

fabric of this vision,

The cloud-capp'd towers,

the gorgeous palaces,

The solemn temples,

the great globe itself,

Shall dissolve

And, like this

insubstantial pageant faded,

Leave not a rack behind.

We are such stuff as dreams are

made of, and our little life

Is rounded with a sleep.

[pedestrian] No! [laughs]

You're terrible. I can't

[chuckles] Tell me

["Calling for You" playing]

[Noah] Hey.

Sorry we're late.

Hi, Winter. How's school?

[audio fades out]

Well, I woke up This

morning without you ♪

Don't ask me how,

But I got through ♪

The floor of this

room I've been pacing ♪

Trying to drown out The

sound my heart is making ♪

It's calling for you ♪

Well, I woke up This

morning without you ♪

Don't ask me how,

But I got through ♪

The floor of this

room, I was pacing ♪

Trying to drown out The

sound my heart was making ♪

It was calling for you ♪

Calling for you ♪

Oh, oh, oh ♪