Silent Roar (2023)

[bunniefuu]

Rongorongo.

Dondo!

Breakfast. Now.

Get up!

Hello? Hello?

Ah. May I say hello?

The minister has returned

and it is myself.

Patrick Archibald MacLeod.

But please, call me Paddy.

Yes. And why are you here?

I was just lying

in my bed this morning

thinking how I must introduce

myself to all the parish.

Open my arms, so to speak.

Ah. This'll be your lad.

Dondo, is it?

Hmm! What a fine, handsome man

you've grown into.

Hi.

Yes?

Well, I've heard

about your loss, Mrs Mackay.

Willy was a fine man.

It must be coming up a year now

since he was taken by the waves.

Fishing on the Sabbath

as he was, I hear.

Willy was not a church man.

Nice meeting you.

Porridge is burning.

Please do come back

another time. And you, clothes.

Best put

your trousers on, boy.

I found his boot.

You have faith.

There's nothing I would do

to dampen that flame.

Dondo!

Ah. Ah, well, uh...

Maybe another time.

What are you doing?

He's back. The skiver returns.

Wow, you've grown.

You have too.

And your voice has changed.

Er, yeah. So has yours.

Sorry about your dad,

by the way.

Ach, you know, it'll be fine.

He's OK.

What do you mean?

He's not so bad, you know.

Sas!

- Sir.

- Those bangles have got to go.

Are you asking me

to remove an item of clothing?

-Smhach!

Next exam, no bangles.

It's highly distracting.

OK, sir.

But you have to shave your beard

before the next exam.

The way you scratch it

is highly distracting.

All right.

- Bye, sir.

- I'm warning you.

Welcome back, Dondo.

You been crying?

Tears of joy, sir.

Tears of joy.

Good man.

Dad.

Dondo, he still lives.

Hi.

- Where are you guys from?

- Planet Earth.

- Solar System.

- Milky Way.

Whanganui.

What about yourself?

Just here.

- Here?

- Yes, right here.

Little grommet.

There she blows.

Oh, man.

- Yeah, man.

- Whoo!

- Yeah, man.

- Whoo! Whoo-whoo-whoo!

Dondo.

Up!

Is Oxford University

in Oxfordshire?

No. Sexfordshire.

No.

You don't know

what you're missing out on.

Goodbye, Kenny.

- Come on.

- No.

My final answer is no

and that is my final answer.

Fair dos.

We can work with that.

One hundred percent waterproof.

Would you shag Dondo?

He's too weird.

It's like he's touched.

Touched?

Touched by something invisible.

- All right. Don the grom.

- Here, check this out.

What's that?

It's a hundred percent

waterproof.

Yeah. But what is it?

It's a Bible.

The mist gathers grey

on moorland and brae

For me and my true love

will never meet again

By the bonny, bonny banks

of Loch Lomond

Oh.

My, oh my.

What are you doing here?

Searching.

Do you really pray?

I do.

Even on your own?

When nobody's looking?

You'll be a swan

before you know it.

So, I'm an ugly duckling now,

am I?

Poor Dondo. He's having

a rough crossing, Saorsa.

Show him some kindness,

at least.

I'll be on my way now.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Who were you chatting with

there?

Oh, some top-level gnarlers.

It was

cosmic alignment.

Where did the new minister go?

- I think I frightened him off.

- Oh. Shame.

Well, you know

where to find him.

Can you teach me to surf

one day?

Whanganui. Yeah.

Awesome.

Hello?

Shaka laka Zula.

Dondo?

What are you doing

up there?

Just... looking about.

Right.

Can I walk you home?

All right.

I saw your mum

the other day.

- She is hot.

- What, my mum?

Yeah.

Your mum is hot.

Hello there, Dondo.

It's very kind of you

to walk Sas home.

Come in, Sassy.

Come in, come in.

Will you come in for a tea?

No, I think I'll just...

- Never mind. How's your mother?

- Fine, thanks.

Good, good. Back to her pottery?

She never stopped.

And you, back to your surfing.

You're not afraid of the sea?

I'd be terribly afraid,

so I would.

- Mum, he's got to go.

- And finally back to your exams?

They'll be keeping you back

the year, I'd imagine.

Grief can cause

such a disruption.

Mum.

You give your mother

my best wishes, now.

Thanks, Mrs MacKenzie. Bye, Sas.

Oh, mind the sheep.

The power of nonsense

between that poor boy's eyes.

- I hope you can see it. Can you?

- See what?

He's not the one. Hm?

- Stop.

- Aw.

They're just pants.

But they're Dad's.

They're good pants.

How would you feel

if you survived a shipwreck

you come back to find someone

wearing your underwear?

I'd hate to see them

being thrown out.

- Mum?

- Yes?

What's church like?

Why do you want to know?

I might go on Sunday.

Why?

Just, you know,

see what it's all about.

Which church? The old one

- with the new minister in it?

- Aye.

Well, the other one up the road

has heating, I've heard.

Mum, they're just churches.

Does it matter

which one I go to?

Thank you, Noel.

Wonderful.

Hi.

It's great to see you.

Here we are.

Another glorious Sabbath,

and a shipwrecked sailor

has washed upon our shores.

Let us pray.

Lord, hear our prayer for Willy.

Willy, wherever you may be,

our prayers are winging

their way to you.

Out, beyond our knowing.

Out, beyond the bounds

of eternity.

Lord, please help Willy.

Summon the creatures

of the ocean,

to return him safely,

on porpoise, by squid,

stoat or narwhal.

Willy, will ye come back,

Willy?

Come back. Return. Amen.

Amen.

Dondo, please be seated.

Off you go. There. Take a seat.

There. There's a good lad.

Forgive us, Lord,

for we know not what we do.

- You know not what you do.

- Amen.

- Amen.

- Amen.

- Thank you so much.

- That was beautiful.

God bless.

Thank you so much for coming.

- Wonderful to see you.

- Paddy.

Norman.

Norma.

Sas.

It is so good

to see the church alive again.

So good, Paddy,

I cannot tell you.

You're breathing life

back into us

after the great sickness

has taken so much.

Indeed, Norma.

Sassy!

Awesome gig, Paddy.

You nailed it.

You're too kind.

Thank you Donny.

How good

and how pleasant it is

for brethren

to dwell together in unity.

Tell me. I hear you surf

upon the waves?

I do.

Rongorongo.

But not upon the Sabbath?

Not upon the holy day of rest?

Er, no. Oh, no, never.

Never, no.

Not even

if it's totally pumping.

Yeah, no, no.

Good. It is forbidden.

It is forbidden.

Hey, Don the grom.

- Hi.

- Donny the grommy.

- Hi.

- You're coming in?

No. No.

Waves aren't, er, big enough.

I think they're optimal.

Don't go!

Why?

Today is the day of rest.

- Who says?

- Er, God.

God.

Will I be struck by lightning?

Erm, probably. There's

a pretty big chance of that.

I'll take that chance.

Solar System.

Surfing on the Sabbath?

Your blood will boil.

Erm... I'm going

to spread the word.

Why go to church

if you don't have to?

Why not?

Do you really believe

in God?

Sure. Don't you?

Uh.

I'm tempted.

There are less crisps

in these new packets.

Pumped with air

to make them look full, but...

they are just full

of emptiness.

Hm. Nothing.

There's nothing out there.

Maybe He's testing you.

Maybe.

You know, maybe He is a She.

Maybe my God is a woman.

God... God doesn't have a sex.

- What, like a ship?

- How like a ship?

Well, a ship,

they're always women.

All that sail in her,

she's seaworthy.

She sank without a trace.

Aye. Sorry.

My point was that we all know

ships don't have a vag*na.

Do you think God has a p*nis?

What? No. No.

Sas, I never think about that.

Well. You have now.

And, Lord, help us

resist the dreadful darkness

falling upon the land.

And fortify us against

the next scourge. Amen.

- Amen.

- Amen.

Hm.

Will you be wearing that

to evening prayers?

The new minister suffers

from terrible migraines,

you know?

Prayers? I've got feeding to do.

The old minister

had migraines too, you know?

An answer to the question

will suffice.

I think I'll stay behind

and study for my exam.

Of course.

Oh, my, it'll be so good

to have a doctor in the family.

A vet would be far more useful

in this household. Hmm.

O Lord,

for what we are about...

to receive,

may the Lord make us

truly, truly thankful.

Amen!

What do you think about having

a memorial service for Dad?

You know, something

where everyone gathers

to pay their respects

and say goodbye.

Desert island survivors.

They do exist.

Mum, people can live

off coconuts

for a very long time.

I mean, ages. Forever, probably.

Where is the nearest island

with a good supply of coconuts?

Tenerife.

So, Dad has just

been hanging out in Tenerife?

Or Lanzarote.

Eat your soup.

Shouldn't it be drink?

You don't drink soup.

You don't eat liquid.

Right you are, Dondo.

Right you are.

God.

If You can hear me...

...show me some kind of sign.

Then I might actually

even consider believing in You.

Deal?

Deal.

Oh, it's you.

Yes, it's me. Hi.

Look, I'm not gonna ask you out,

OK?

But I've been thinking about ya.

I can't stop thinking

about ya, and I...

I probably think about you

a bit too much, to be honest.

I thought it was only right

that I ask you before I...

think about you again.

What?

Well, I just thought

I'd be polite.

Do you want my permission

so you can think about me

when you wank?

Yes, please.

f*ck off!

Come on, Sas.

Only if I can watch.

Ooh.

Begin.

So, where are your folks?

Church.

- Say something.

- Like what?

Just anything.

OK.

Of the two million sperm

that reach the cervix,

the vast majority are lost

somewhere along the way

in places

called vaginal crypts.

Ultimately, it is the egg

that chooses a single sperm.

And that is the process

we call fertilisation.

f*ck, yeah.

Sassy!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Hey, go on!

- Sorry.

- What did we just witness?

- Go on, get out!

- Biology.

Go on! Go on!

You young toad!

Get inside now!

Away from that stone.

Oh, Mum, we, we were revising.

The only reason

you want to be a doctor

is to get to look

at boys' bits and bobs.

The wind

bloweth where it listeth,

and all you hear

is the sound thereof,

but canst not tell

whence it cometh...

Planet Earth.

Solar System.

Milky Way.

Whanganui.

- You surf?

- No.

- You'd be good.

- How can you tell?

You're not afraid of danger.

You should be, but you're not.

Who says I should be afraid?

That.

The men in the grey suits.

Up! Come on.

You'll miss the bus.

Oahu, Kawaii,

Rongorongo, Whanganui,

Kiribati, Teahupo'o, Rongorongo.

- What you praying for?

- Hm.

Good exam results.

Bit late

for that, surf bum.

I was praying

for your exam results. Not mine.

- Did you ask Him yet?

- What?

If He has... a p*nis.

No, er, I was praying

to another god.

A goddess, actually.

Well, I'd save those prayers

for your own results, not mine.

I don't need them.

I already have a path to follow.

Of course.

You're suddenly a fully

signed-up member of the flock.

Hey!

Stop tapping.

Baa.

What are you...?

God does not have a p*nis!

Are you ready?

- Ready?

- Yeah.

- All right. Go on, then. Go on.

- Dondo.

That's it.

Right, you got it going. Right.

Right, what we're gonna do...

You're gonna watch it...

Whoa!

You're soaking.

Hmm.

- Hm.

- Hi. Thanks.

What's that?

It's a wee thing for Willy.

Do you miss Willy?

Yes, of course.

What do you miss most?

I'm going to do

a memorial service for him.

You should come.

For his dad.

I think it would help him.

Dondo.

Dondo.

Hi. How are you doing?

Are you Jesus?

Yes, I am.

Are you American?

Oh, no, I'm Swiss. But I learned

American at a young age.

So cute, ain't he?

- Can you speak Swiss?

- Nobody can speak Swiss!

- Why not?

- Dondo.

He's out there, Dondo.

- To present the prizes today...

- Hello, hello, children. Hello.

It's OK, I'm here.

OK. Let us pray.

We also once lived

in the lusts of our flesh.

We were, by nature,

children of wrath.

But God, being rich in mercy...

...He loved us. Amen.

- Amen.

- Amen.

Oh, the prizes.

The prizes, the prizes.

Oh, my gosh.

- Sas. Sas.

- Hm.

Sas. Sas.

Where are your f*cking shoes?

- Oh. Er...

- My God.

Present

the final prize, Paddy.

The overall prize, this year...

...for giving it their all...

for sheer graft,

and I must say, my own

personal favourite member

of the church...

Let's just call it grit.

The grit prize goes to...

- Dondo Mackay!

- Dondo?

- Donnie boy!

- Me?

Yes! You!

Come on, up you come.

He's been out in the wilderness.

Yes, Dondo.

You've had a rough year,

but now the stars are shining.

Whanganui.

I am stoked.

Go on, laddie, give a few words.

Thank you. Thank you.

I'd like to dedicate this to,

erm, my dad.

He's still out there somewhere.

He still lives.

And another thing I know

is that he is still alive.

And he's coming back.

He's on his way!

I'm gonna bring him back!

- Yes, you are, Dondo!

- Sit down, Kenny.

He...

And now, our head girl

will give a short summing up

of the year's highs and lows.

I only have a question.

Just one question

for our beloved reverend here.

Stick to the speech.

- It's a theological question.

- Oh. Wonderful.

Yeah. Dondo and I

have discussed it.

Don't.

In depth.

Does God have a p*nis?

Big stiffies for Jesus?

Satan's wh*re.

Rongorongo, Kiribati, Teahupo'o,

Rongorongo, Whanganui, Kiribati,

Uluwatu, Kiribati, Teahupo'o.

Are you coming in?

Cheer up.

Soon you're gonna be shagging

human rights lawyers

in ski chalets.

And I'll still be here,

up the duff, married to a man.

I mean,

what difference does it make?

We'll be fat and have bad sex.

Paddy, spunking over

your mum's washing.

Oh, I'm gonna come.

Bless this meal

and the, the, the animals

and the vegetables...

...that have been summoned forth

to be eaten by our mouths.

It's OK, Donnie.

Amen?

Amen.

So, I've organised

a memorial for tomorrow.

Oh, really?

Yes. And you're coming.

Well, I'm actually going off

to find Dad,

so you can cancel the memorial.

We are doing a memorial

tomorrow! End of story!

- Don't you bloody dare!

- Rongorongo.

Dondo.

He's out there, Dondo.

Do you hear me?

Yes, Jesus.

You're not going to find him.

How do you know?

What's wrong?

I don't wanna go

to Sexfordshire.

I don't wanna stay here either.

I don't know what I want to do.

Help me find my dad, then.

Whoo!

Your dad's not here.

Hm.

Who's that?

Oh, I... I found it

in the church.

Nice t*ts.

Who is she?

Dunno.

Norma.

That's my mum's name.

Er, she does

kind of look like you.

It is my mum.

Where did you find it?

Er, it was up in the pulpit,

inside the Bible.

Did you ever... you know?

Well...

Never directly, like, but...

Don't tell me.

Look, I only kept it

because she looked like you.

What?

Beautiful. Like you.

- But it was my mum, Dondo.

- Yeah, but I didn't know that.

Look, surely better

that it was her

and not someone

completely unrelated?

Thanks, I guess.

Better and worse.

Let's head home.

How was Tenerife?

Come here.

It's all right.

We are gathered here today

in the presence of God

to honour the memory

of a fine man.

A wonderful man.

Willy Mackay. Willy.

We prayed for his return.

We prayed

and prayed and prayed.

- But nothing came of it.

- Handsome devil, isn't he?

Days became weeks.

Weeks became months.

And now a year has passed

with no return.

The waves have stolen Willy

from us.

And now we must accept...

...his watery grave.

We will now hear from Dondo.

It's all right. Come on.

Come with me.

I want you to read a little bit,

come on.

It's all right. Come on, boy.

What I want you to do

is just read it out

from page 23, all right?

Is that OK?

"Those who go down

to the sea..."

"Who do business

on great waters..."

"They see the works of the Lord,

and His wonders in the deep."

"For He commands

and raises the stormy sea..."

Are you all right,

Donnie? Go on, carry on.

You'll be all right. Go on.

"They mount

up to the heavens."

"And they go down again

to the depths."

"Their soul melts

because of trouble."

The men

in the grey suits!

"They reel to and fro

and stagger like a drunken man,

and are at their wits' end."

He still lives.

Donnie.

"Then, then they cry out

to the Lord in their trouble..."

"And He picks them out

of their distresses."

Hey, man. Tell them.

He still lives.

No!

Please.

Donnie.

- What's the matter?

- Please.

I must go to them.

Poor boy. Out there

in the roaring forties.

Come on!

We must follow him.

Come on!

Get your coats.

We'll go together.

Come on!

Don't surf on the Sabbath!

Don't surf! You must leave!

For we must all appear before

the judgement seat of Christ.

And pay attention to our deeds.

Or thy shall surely

be put to death.

Leave the seas!

Go!

For Christ's sake, go! Go! Go!

Leave me, leave!

- Dondo!

- Leave here!

It's only meant to be me!

Here for the judgement's day.

Respect his grave.

We were, by nature...

...children of wrath.

Doing the desires of the flesh,

and of the mind.

We were, by nature...

...children of wrath.

But God, being rich in mercy...

...He loved us.

He must return!

Leave the seas!

Donnie, hold it!

Hold it, Donnie!

- Put the knife down, Donnie.

- The wages of sin is death!

Go on!

Dondo!

He's been taken.

Sas.

- He's been taken.

- No.

He can't have gone that far.

He's been taken.

Fire?

Fire!

- Hey. Come on!

- The church! The church!

Dondo!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, f*ck.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Dondo. Dondo! Oh, my God.

Come on, Dondo.

Come on, Dondo. Come on.

Come on, Dondo. Come on.

...three, four, five, six,

seven, eight, nine...

Wake up, Dondo.

Come on.

No way, not now. Not now.

Oh, my God.

You're OK. You're OK.

Oh. Oh, my God.

OK. You're OK. You're OK.

You're OK.

You're OK. You're OK.

You're OK.

So,

where are you gonna go now?

I don't know.

Somewhere... out there.

Thanks for saving my life,

by the way.

It was nothing.

Let it go, let it go down

It's OK

Let it come, let it take all

Thoughts away

Let it go, let it go down

It's OK

Let it come, let it take all

Thoughts away