Gardener, The (2025)

[bunniefuu]

Help! Help!

Help...

Hornet One, the King is in check.

Repeat, King is in check.

Help...

You know how long I spent

on those flowers?

No.

A long time.

SIX HOURS EARLIER

The list is ready.

Yes, sir.

It's on its way.

There are only five this year.

You have 48 hours to finish the job.

It'll get done.

I'll wait for the list.

- I've received our codenames.

- Jealous?

This year, you're Quasimodo.

You're Esmeralda.

Esmeralda?

Why do I always get the shitty name?

- I'm Phoebus.

- I'm over it!

The list is on its way

so get ready.

Hunting season is open.

It's going to be a bloodbath.

Watch out!

Believe me, Senator,

I'm working from the lyse

on a public holiday

and the hallways

are not exactly full!

I bet it's even worse

at the Senate!

But I'm here because your bill

is important to the President.

In fact, the President

has just walked in. One moment.

- What?

- You're working.

Yes, you are.

- It's nothing...

- What are you, a YouTuber?

Who are you trying to kid?

- It's the weekend.

- It's Friday.

We're in the countryside.

Your daughter's getting on my nerves.

You shouldn't talk

about a baby like that.

I'm talking about Selena Gomez, here.

You hear her?

Pack yo' bags and scram, son

Damn, son

I'll pop you like ka-blam, son

I'll draw a bath.

Let me finish with Senator Bourlin

then I'll jump in the bath

and I'm all yours.

Don't you get it?

The bath is for me.

Watch the baby for once.

You think I don't want

to look after my own daughter?

May I remind you, Mrs. Shuster,

I was a parent before you were.

Your daughter?

Who slaps you on the back?

Exactly!

- Who takes your money?

- Exactly.

Who calls you Serge?

She's not your daughter.

She's your buddy.

- Okay. Why don't you leave now?

- What about Charlotte?

Did you breastfeed her?

Did you stretch your perineum?

- Take some responsibility!

- Absolutely. Of course.

I did try to draw milk

but none came out.

As for the perineum,

I'll check it out

next time I take a vacation in Rome.

He's crashing!

He's in hemorrhagic shock.

There's no pulse.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

I have complete faith

in the President on this.

I'll call Grondin as soon as I can.

I mean,

I'll call his chief of staff.

Yes, Grondin's chief of staff.

Absolutely.

What do we have here?

Disgusting.

Well, well!

It's my old pal Sergio!

I'll be damned.

I need to go now, Mr. Secretary, sir.

I have another call.

Thanks. Bye.

How's it going?

To what do I owe the pleasure

of hearing your sweet,

yappy little voice?

Yappy? You've got a nerve!

You want me

to yap at you?

Dominique!

How's my little Dodo?

Great, great.

So...

would you believe it,

at the hospital this morning,

I took delivery of a rider

from the Republican Guard.

This charming gentleman

who, by the way, is deceased,

whose time on Earth

has reached an end...

This gentlemen, in fact,

was carrying an envelope

upon his person.

We looked inside

and found a list of names.

- Five names.

- Okay. And?

So I took a look

at these five names

because, hey,

I know how to read,

and what do I find?

Your name, Sergio.

You're number five.

I'm on a list of names?

You're sure?

What should I do with this robe?

It was on the floor.

- The machine!

- What should I do?

What kind of envelope?

Kraft paper, and bloody.

Dripping with blood.

The guy crashed, after all.

Kraft paper?

That's the Ministry of Finance!

Hey,

looks like your pal Sergio is on

the shortlist to be Finance Minister!

Hey, Mr. Minister!

Don't forget your old friends!

Champagne!

Will you send me a photo

so I can see the list?

I'll do that, Sergio.

- No problem.

- Thanks, Dodo.

- You hang up.

- No, you hang up.

No, you hang up!

Together, on three.

One, two, three...

Three! I'm hanging up!

He's so silly!

Silly old Dodo!

Sivardire...

Why am I last?

What the...

I heard Dad saying,

if you can get rid

of every single weed in the garden,

he'll keep you.

Have a good day, Miss Alice.

Come on, don't be scared.

He's shaking.

I don't want to die,

I don't want to die...

Why are you scared of death?

You work in a hospital.

I feel bad.

Let's get this straight

before we start.

- What did I do?

- Let the adults speak.

- Why Esmeralda?

- Why not?

Because it sucks.

That book has other names.

I think it suits you.

Why are you Quasimodo?

Don't forget, Esmeralda is a gypsy.

She's sexy.

I can't stand carnies.

They stink.

- I don't want to die!

- Oh, no!

There, there, grandpa.

His heart will stop

in three seconds.

Go see your friends in heaven.

There, there...

Heart attack.

Last call:

Serge Shuster.

He sent him a photo of the list.

Shuster?

He's fifth on the list.

He's now our primary target.

Alice!

Serge! Can't you see I'm busy?

Is this important?

Yes, it's important.

We need to look out for each other.

That's what families do.

So, can you be nice to your sister

and keep the noise down?

Half-sister.

Stop that.

She's my half-sister.

The two of you today.

Unbelievable!

Where are you, as*h*le?

There you are.

What does it say?

He's here. Bingo.

Out in the country

at his second home

with his family.

I want two teams on site.

The whole family,

dying in a fire all at once...

So sad!

The angels of death.

Mommy's taking a bath.

Just for five minutes.

I'm going to k*ll her.

No, baby!

Sleepy time!

Yes, my baby.

Let's try this.

That's it!

Works every time.

Why didn't I think of it sooner?

Now, time for my bath.

Then I'm going to k*ll that girl.

This street here,

he's first on the list.

We could stop on the way.

- It would help us warm up.

- Why not?

He agrees.

It saves time.

Go on, Boss.

I want to hurt somebody.

Please.

Trimming, trimming! Good.

Sir...

Lo.

I made you some fresh lemonade.

- It's so hot.

- Yes, Jeanne.

Thank you.

Buddha's hand...

- With...

- With?

Three drops of citron.

You're incredible, Lo.

Just incredible!

Thanks, Jeanne.

Okay, all done.

So, mission number one

is complete.

A fall down the stairs.

I had other plans,

but when the genius

of Isaac Newton

coincides with state policy,

well, gravity is the perfect weapon.

Very theatrical,

but tripping a guy on the stairs

doesn't make you a genius.

Right, Boss?

Number five, Shuster.

We're almost there.

You were right.

This is so nice.

This feels good.

I should do this more often.

Newsflash.

Philippe Sivardire

has been found dead.

He was chief of staff

to the Secretary of State for two years,

managing international partnerships.

More details to come...

No!

Mia!

- Did you hear that?

- Yeah! So cool!

- Sivardire is dead.

- Don't care!

Not that I'm happy,

but it's one less name on the list.

Still don't care.

Poor guy.

This is shaping up

to be an amazing weekend.

Honey...

What's all this?

What are they doing

in the garden?

This isn't right.

This is private property!

Get out!

What is all this? It's not right.

This is the best

that I have ever sung

Right here, right now, today

The best singing of all time

What was that scream?

It's not a scream, it's a note!

You know she can't sing!

I'm aware

of my daughter's vocal abilities.

That was a scream. Alice?

Alice, are you okay?

Can't I get five minutes in peace?

I'm getting out of the bath!

My robe! Thanks, Jeanne!

I don't ask for a lot.

One weekend, five minutes for a bath.

But no, no way!

You took my robe?

It's a home-jacking.

We have to call the police.

When they get here

we'll be dead.

Please, just call the police.

- I've got this.

- No, you don't!

I said, I've got this!

Get a hold of yourself.

Find Charlotte, hide and stay quiet.

- And you?

- Don't worry, I've got this.

I'll...

I'll deal with Alice and the police.

Damn it! No service.

Closet.

Bathroom.

Closet.

Bathroom.

Take that, you b*stard!

Shut your mouth!

Five years of CrossFit, b*tch!

Washroom? Bedroom?

Washroom...

Help!

Mr. Serge.

Shuster...

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Mr. Serge?

Holy crap!

What is this stuff? It's strong!

It's adrenaline, sir.

Lo!

My little Lo,

it's so good to see you again.

That stuff sure works.

It's powerful, but itchy.

I'm itching all over.

That feels good.

They're burglars!

We're getting home-jacked, Lo!

We're getting home-jacked!

My wife!

My daughters! My wife!

They k*lled them.

No, put them to sleep.

They're sleeping.

Thank you.

They messed with the wrong guy.

I'm not calling the police.

I'm calling Homeland Security.

I'll get a SWAT team here.

I'm sending these mofos

to Guantanamo!

I'm Serge Shuster!

There's no service.

Good point.

I set up a Wi-Fi hub over here.

Hornet one, status?

Ready. All the pieces

are on the chessboard.

All of them...

- but the King and the Pawn.

- What?

When we get there,

I want a full debrief.

ETA, 30 minutes.

If sh*t hits the fan

you can count on me.

I'll be really nasty.

I'm a beast when I need to be.

No service? No service!

Why no service?

Where are we?

Is this your cabin?

Did you redecorate?

It looks much bigger.

It's a cave.

A cave, where?

The house is new,

not the cave.

Lo, I'm getting a little tired

of your habit

of being so consistently enigmatic.

It's your choice

and I respect that,

but your vocabulary

leaves a lot to be desired.

So can you please explain more clearly

exactly where we are?

Underneath your garden.

The Resistance hid out here

during the w*r.

Okay, a cave under my garden

where the Resistance hid out

during the w*r.

Nice and clear.

How did I not think of that?

So, here's what we'll do...

We let them find my Rolexes

and the 10k in cash

hidden in my sock drawer

then, boom, we let them leave.

Wow!

You've got quite the arsenal!

Careful!

Don't touch, sir.

Three Special Forces units?

They want more than a Rolex.

- Special Forces?

- Think for a second.

Anything out of the ordinary?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

A list of five ministers.

I might be made a minister.

Except now there are four,

since Sivardire fell down the stairs

and died like an as*h*le.

So, yeah.

But apart from that, nothing.

A list of five names?

- Including yours?

- Yes.

- And the first one is dead?

- Yes.

The list was found

on the body of a motorcycle rider

for the Republican Guard.

What?

The Matignon List.

The Matignon List?

It's a list of people

whom the Prime Minister may,

and I stress may,

be authorized to eliminate

for state purposes.

Eliminate?

Believe me, if it's the Matignon List

then these guys aren't burglars...

and we're all going to die.

You, too.

That won't happen.

Yes, you're going to die.

Because I am already dead.

What happened here?

Esmeralda, gather our guests.

This is their home,

but I get the idea.

As long as there are

no screaming kids, it's all good.

Don't harm the family.

Quasimodo?

Take care of the rest.

I'll build us a beautiful fire,

just like Notre-Dame.

Like in the film? Pretty smart.

For a hunchback!

I think we're going

to like it here.

I promised to take Mia to Peru

to explore Machu Picchu.

And little Charlotte.

My baby!

I never made the most of her.

But why? Why me?

I love plants.

Why do you say that?

Because plants don't complain.

They live, they die,

and never complain.

I'm not complaining.

Sorry for caring

about the fate of my family!

You're alone. Nobody will miss you.

Okay, thanks, I get it.

But I'm different.

- It's you they want.

- And?

Why shouldn't they k*ll my family?

It has to look natural.

A fall, a heart attack, a fire...

Okay.

So tell me, Mr. Know-it-all,

why me?

Why are you on the list?

I don't know.

Maybe a sensitive document.

That's it.

It's the file!

Two weeks ago I was sent a file

about this alleged list,

so I read it

and forwarded it to Sivardire,

then, boom, this morning,

Sivardire falls down his stairs,

and, double-boom, today,

Special Forces show up

at my country home.

That's it!

That's why I'm on the list!

I'm good.

Really good.

Now, Lo,

I know this isn't your forte

and it will probably upset

your daily routine.

I want you to help me.

We're going to get that file

off my computer

and use it like a bulletproof vest

to turn the odds in our favor.

Then we screw those b*stards

and all their mothers!

Sorry, guys!

Now it's your turn

to be scared!

Not the most flattering outfit

but you get the idea.

- What happened?

- Beware...

- What?

- Beware the gar...

The what?

Beware the gar...

The garage?

Somebody's in the garage?

Is that it?

Beware the gar...

Garbage man?

Was it the garbage man?

Did a garbage man do this?

A garbage man? No!

Beware the gar...

Garden gnomes?

What do we have to beware?

That "gar"!

It's the garbage man!

God damn it!

It was the garbage man!

Beware the garbage man!

Ready?

What do you mean?

Like that?

With no g*ns,

just some pruning shears

and a dibber?

Maybe you think it's fun

to play Rambo

but are you really

Sylvester Stallone?

You may be an ace

at pruning roses

but we're not fighting stubborn ferns

or Mexican orange blossom.

These are K*llers on a mission

and I'm not sure

you're able to handle that.

So if I can't count on you,

I'll do this alone.

You're taking too long.

What?

Too long?

Mr. Serge, when you talk,

it takes too long.

Better too long than too short.

Wait up!

- How long to find the file?

- Maybe five minutes.

No. Three.

Okay, three.

I just love working

with beeswax.

It has three advantages.

It burns by itself,

leaves zero trace...

and smells amazing.

Not bad, huh?

You Africans sure love aromas.

I had a Malian neighbor,

Mrs. Soumak.

Her maafe stew was...

Pretty potent!

Shut your damn trap.

What did I say?

Leave this to me.

Be stealthy.

Go, go!

Stop!

Those are delicate.

White azaleas.

Lo, I can hear you!

This is no time for topiary!

sh*t.

Shuster's getting away!

He's getting away.

And they call us th*gs!

Don't make a sound.

Watch me. Silent.

This way.

Now,

we synchronize watches.

Oh, you don't have one.

Great.

Three minutes.

Here goes.

So...

The file on the Matignon List.

You're the reason

the PM wants me dead.

Except, boom,

you messed with Sergio.

Now I'm pissed

and you're gonna regret it

because, bam, Sergio

is going to Bluetooth it

to his phone

which is...

sh*t!

Phone?

My USB!

Where did I put my USB drive?

USB drive?

U-S-B?

No, I don't.

Great! Thanks a lot!

Yes! I'm a genius.

I'll send it to Charlotte's iPod.

There.

And...

We're okay.

Now,

this goes here...

Daddy's going to save you.

Where are you going?

To get the iPod

from Charlotte's room.

Stay with me!

- Stay with me!

- Listen, Lo.

This is going super well.

Go look after your roses.

Leave the action to me.

I did seven years

of Shotokan Karate.

Don't worry.

- Come here!

- No!

I'll be as quiet as a hyena.

Hurry!

And bring them back unharmed!

Let's go!

Move it!

Hurry up!

Come on, let's go!

Come on!

There you go.

Faster!

Quiet!

It's usually right here.

It's always here.

Don't touch me.

I have a baby.

The boat was empty.

That b*stard!

It was a diversion.

Quasimodo, perimeter check.

Esmeralda...

Stop calling me that.

The King is on the board.

Time to play.

Understood.

Time to unleash hell.

Watch the old lady.

Go!

Keep quiet.

Keep quiet...

This guy is looking at me.

Sweetheart.

I'd make a great father.

Here, take her.

Are you crazy?

You're so handsome!

Lo! Problem!

I'll crush you.

You and your stupid baby.

Jesus, filthy kid!

It went in my mouth!

Judas!

Right in the back.

Nice work.

Mr. Serge, we have to go.

Let's go.

You're a dead man.

- What about my family?

- No time.

- Wait!

- What?

- Through here.

- No, bad idea!

Go!

Bad idea!

We can't hide in here.

Yes, we can.

I know this house better than you.

You should listen to me

once in a while.

- Keep going.

- It's a dead end. What do we do?

Keep going.

Where? Into the shelving?

You want me to hide in a jar?

Important.

Charlotte says thank you.

Now what do we do?

Keep going.

We keep going.

Come on.

Incredible!

Wait.

Incredible!

- Don't move.

- I'm not.

I'll shut the door.

- Mr. Serge?

- Yes?

- Are you shaking?

- Yes.

From cold or fear?

Probably both.

So, a gardener

who trained in combat sports?

You never mentioned that

on your rsum.

Care to explain?

Or not?

Wait.

Through here.

Who pays for this electricity?

The last modification

was to copy a file to...

an iPod.

Cunning b*stard.

Somebody puked in my mouth.

Shuster has company.

There's another guy,

a family friend, a security agent,

who knows.

Either way, I got a face-full.

Handsome guy, too.

Beautiful skin. Very limber.

Look into this guy.

I've got DNA samples from his tools.

And?

It will give us a full profile

of Esmeralda's boyfriend.

If he waxes his crack, I'll know.

Mr. T makes jokes, now?

I'm taking a shower. I stink.

Thanks, Boss.

His strength was uncanny.

I couldn't stop him.

He's a madman.

Find out how they left the house!

Search everywhere! Everywhere!

They won't hurt them.

- How do you know?

- I just know.

Sure, you know all about plants

and beating guys up.

But the human soul

is more complex.

They're going to k*ll them.

They would have done it by now.

Speaking of doing things...

I think she just did something.

In fact, I'm sure she did.

Didn't I tell you?

I knew this was a risk, but...

that poop is revolting.

- We need diapers.

- Yup, diapers.

Your robe.

What about it?

- Make a diaper from my robe?

- Yes.

I'm cold enough with it on.

No way.

There are more clothes

down there.

Great. Let's make diapers

out of those.

The clothes are from 1943.

Not great for babies' skin.

- True.

- Yeah.

But no, no...

Your robe.

Go on!

This is ridiculous. Turn around.

They may be K*llers

but I'm still your boss.

Ridiculous!

You're a pervert.

You'll catch a cold, Mr. Serge.

There's no way I'm wearing this.

Out of the question! No!

No, Lo.

I'm sorry

but there's just no way.

I'm not comfortable with this.

First, in terms of comfort,

it's not my size.

It's way too big. Look.

And also for moral reasons!

I mean, really!

When your name is Serge Shuster,

with those initials,

you can't wear a Wehrmacht uniform.

The cap?

I'm not wearing it. No way.

If you'd said, "Try an SS Uniform,"

now that would be different.

Not that I support the SS.

I hate them.

So do I.

But at least that

was designed by Hugo Boss,

it has more muted colors...

It's a strong look.

When they walked into town,

they made an impression!

The Wehrmacht uniform

just can't compete.

Shall we change the baby?

- That's not a diaper.

- Yes it is.

Status?

Still looking, sir.

Here we go...

And, all done.

She's beautiful.

I made a fuss

but it wasn't so hard.

I always object to doing it,

which my wife hates, but now,

I'll be the one changing diapers.

Right, Charlotte?

Daddy's the one who's gonna change

your diapers. Isn't Daddy clever?

Daddy's gonna change your diapers.

Right, Charlotte? Yes!

Some diaper!

Nice work!

Mr. Serge, can I try?

You think you're best

at everything?

The technique is not the problem.

It's the diaper.

You cut it wrong.

Please!

Lo, it will never stay on.

Watch.

There.

Don't be smug.

It's just a diaper.

Isn't he proud?

Look how happy Lo is!

He managed to fasten a diaper!

Incredible!

Can I have my daughter back now?

Thank you.

That's right.

You prefer Daddy don't you?

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes, my little girl.

You prefer Daddy.

Not Lo. He's dirty.

Lo's dirty, isn't he?

With his dirty old hands.

That's better.

Goo-goo, ga-ga.

Battery's dead.

The alarm will sound

in five, four,

three,

two...

one...

There she goes!

She'll do this for 20 minutes.

Nothing can stop her.

- There's music on this?

- Yes. What are you doing?

Where are you taking it?

Be careful!

That thing saves lives!

What will save your family's lives...

is me.

Don't get c*ck, Lo.

You're getting a big head.

Deflate it a little.

Nice, big vegetables? Sure.

But not your head.

You win a few fights

and think you're the best!

Now the guy's a hero!

What are you doing,

rummaging back there?

If you're dressing as a n*zi,

it's not funny.

That's right, Charlotte.

You carry on.

Where is my baby?

She's only six months old.

Where's my dad?

- Take whatever you want!

- These women are busting my ba*ls.

My dad is an important man...

Tell your daughter to shut up

and you too!

She's not my mom.

Now I'm getting pissed.

I'm not backing down.

- My baby...

- Sit down.

I don't know where

your husband and daughter are.

I bet that sucks for you.

Listen, kid,

do you want a smack in the face?

This isn't Pokmon,

it's real life.

Look at me.

I'll teach you a thing or two.

Awake at last!

Apart from your family,

who else is in this house?

Nobody.

Nobody, I swear.

What about Lo?

Lo?

Who is Lo?

The gardener.

- You're lying.

- No!

- Yes.

- You said, "in this house."

You have a liar's face.

He's in the garden.

- Doing what?

- Gardening.

- Okay, I'm done.

- This is your fault.

You want the right answer?

Ask the right question.

I'm leaving. If I don't,

someone's going to get k*lled.

Five cranks of the handle,

five minutes of music.

Look at that!

I mean...

Bravo!

Bravo, Mr. DIY!

You amaze me.

So, what's the plan?

Weird guy.

The gardener's name is

Lonidas Apastegui.

Nothing on him since he was 20.

Since then he's been a ghost.

Dropped off the radar.

Why can't I access the file?

This is bullshit.

I can't access his file.

Crack the file. Quickly.

Look at him smolder!

Who is this guy?

I told your dad he was weird.

So, Lo,

you didn't learn how to m*ssacre

Special Forces in gardening class.

That's for sure.

How do you know this house

so well?

There are a lot of mysteries

to clear up, no?

Don't you think

it's time to confess?

Go ahead.

"I..."

I...

Go on.

- Go on!

- No.

"No"?

You started out so well! No!

That's a shitty move.

Real shitty.

You never finish your sentences!

Thanks a lot! Bravo!

Great.

I don't get you.

Must be a gardener thing.

Who knows.

Sir?

We found something.

So this is their little burrow.

Root the vermin out.

I'll get those rats

out of their nest.

- Alive.

- All of them?

Just Shuster.

Listen, Lo...

I know you're old,

but you didn't fight

in World w*r II.

Why don't you just

tell me your story?

Aren't we friends now?

There's no time.

- We've got company.

- Another excuse!

- Lights out.

- What? Why?

It's about to get interesting.

What do I do? Hey!

Nothing. Do absolutely nothing.

Let's go.

Sleepy time, now.

Here, music. I'm begging you.

It's sleepy time.

Yes, beautiful. Sleepy time.

Come here.

You're a dead man.

Come on! Do it!

You'll see.

You're dead!

Seeing better, now?

You g*dd*mn idiot!

Sorry!

I told you, don't do anything!

I can't see in here!

Shuster!

- Finally, the King is in check!

- No!

I'm not the King.

You're scaring me!

You're lucky

the Boss wants you alive.

I could have ended you.

Nice!

I hope that hurts!

I didn't say anything!

- You okay?

- Adrenaline!

- What?

- Adrenaline!

In the thigh?

Thank you, Mr. Serge.

Your glasses.

- We can't stay here.

- Okay, let's go.

Well done, Lo.

Gardener, do you read me?

Gardener!

This was supposed to be easy.

Now we're hunting a madman.

As plans go,

it's pretty bad, Boss.

A florist!

A florist? No.

He's a shear assassin.

A snip-snipping psycho.

I warned you

but nobody listened.

I sounded the alarm, Boss.

How are we supposed to succeed

when I'm called Esmeralda?

It doesn't suit me.

Sure, I'm somewhat refined.

I could even be a model.

And yes,

I come from a good family.

But Esmeralda? It's a clich.

At least I'm not some moron

who punches trees.

Finished, Esm?

Esm. Better.

Boss,

about the gardener.

A fire is a little tame.

What if we go for

the full firework display?

"A mysterious gardener

slits the family's throats."

I like it.

I'm glad.

I can't deny,

we were getting a little bored.

You know me.

When I'm bored I tend to screw up.

Then you give me hell

and there's a bad vibe.

I'm going to eat

some eggs and turkey.

I'm getting peckish.

You didn't even break your glasses.

Well done.

Hey, thanks.

Burping her always takes forever.

My arms hurt.

May I?

What?

Incredible!

You burped, sweetie!

Good girl.

Hey, your arms

are really something.

Incredible.

Real man's hands.

But soft, too.

That's rare for a gardener.

Don't get ideas.

I just like your hands.

Your hands may be nice

but your ears are not.

b*stard.

sh*t.

He got you too!

I told you the guy was crazy.

Hold on.

We found their hideout.

The gardener was expecting us.

Traps everywhere.

You have one hour to find

the gardener, Shuster and the baby.

The gardener is wounded.

I hit him.

But this guy is serious.

He's different. Ex-military.

Maybe a marine, who knows?

He sounds like you.

No brain, just keeps going.

A moron.

Shut up.

What about Apastegui's file?

We'll crack it

but it takes time.

Hurry up.

I want to know my enemy.

Rome wasn't built in a day.

We'll get there.

Okay. Gardening time is over.

Switch to live a*mo!

Mr. Serge...

Not again. I know you.

You start a sentence in January

and finish in March! Nope!

I'm not getting involved.

Mr. Serge,

I used to live here, before.

Okay!

In the old house...

I'm starting to get it, now.

You didn't have to keep me

in suspense the whole time.

I would hide...

in the basement.

You played hide-and-seek?

Nice!

I rode my bike a lot as a kid.

Not anymore.

Shame. I enjoyed my bike.

My father was violent.

At least he wasn't too permissive.

I wasn't there for her.

I don't understand.

What do you mean?

I mean...

my mother.

Okay.

I don't see the connection, but...

I wasn't there for her.

I'm sorry, Mr. Serge.

He k*lled my mother.

He k*lled my mother.

He k*lled my mother.

And I...

I wasn't there for her.

That's it.

That's why...

I don't talk a whole lot.

And that's why...

I love flowers,

trees,

nature.

I'm comfortable here,

in your garden.

I'm not alone.

They don't talk either.

But they give you so much love.

That's why I'm...

such a good gardener.

You're a great gardener.

It's okay, we'll glue that back.

Now we've talked.

Well done.

I care about you, you know.

No tree is alone in a forest.

We are your forest.

You're not a lonely tree

with no other trees around you.

You're a tree in the forest

of the Shuster family.

Thank you, Mr. Serge.

What's happening?

What was that?

- They've ex*cuted them!

- No, they haven't.

How do you know?

- I can hear it.

- Hear it, how?

They just want to talk.

Keep the noise down.

I have a baby that's trying to sleep.

My little girl.

She's okay.

Mr. Apastegui.

Lonidas Apastegui died

30 years ago.

Obviously... not quite.

Quasimodo, bring me the girl.

Hold on.

Let go of her!

Where are you taking her?

Come on.

- Stop that.

- Get off her!

g*dd*mn b*tch!

Give me that. Give it!

- Leave my family alone!

- You want to play?

The daughter wants to see Daddy!

Leave them alone, you b*stards!

I'll handle this one too!

Are you nuts?

Sorry. They were screaming.

Now they're sleeping.

You want your file, huh?

Your file?

I'll give you your blasted file!

Now I'm slapping, I can't stop!

What? You piece of sh*t!

That's better.

- You're crazy!

- Much better.

Listen, if you go back in there,

we're all dead.

All of us.

Just calm down.

This way, grandma.

Nothing will happen. Trust me.

I can tell you where

the jewels and watches are.

We're not thieves, ma'am.

You could be my mother.

Sorry about the slap.

No big deal.

I still don't know why...

We won't do anything.

I promise.

Go on, grandma.

Can you protect me?

Gardener?

If you and Shuster

don't hand yourselves in,

I'll k*ll one member of his family

every 15 minutes.

I'm not part of the family.

I'm not family.

- Then why panic?

- I'm not.

- Why are you panicking? Come here.

- No!

So, Quasimodo has a heart!

I thought you Africans were warlike.

We're not in the projects now.

- Don't be worried.

- I am.

- Shut up!

- Don't be an idiot!

We work together, brother.

Can I go, sir?

Of course.

Thank you.

Holy cow!

But I promised the lady.

But hey, beautiful work, Boss.

All that blood!

It's pissing out!

Here we go.

We have a new headline.

"A mysterious gardener

has slit the throat

of his housekeeper."

You're in deep sh*t, gardener.

He just wanted to talk, did he?

You could hear it, could you?

Time for a nice, long nap.

With the compost.

Got to move with the times.

May the Almighty forgive me.

For I have sinned.

Job done!

They k*lled Jeanne.

I've had it.

Hold her for me.

I've had it.

Where's your stuff?

Wait, wait. No!

That sh*t is so good.

Listen, Lo.

We have to do something.

For my wife, for my daughters

and for your mother.

Banzai!

What an idiot.

Guten Tag.

60 seconds.

Compliments of the government!

You bloody n*zi!

Papiere, bitte!

Make him stop!

To infinity and beyond!

What happened?

No more innocent people

can die today. Got it?

Blink if you understand.

It's okay.

This game is going

badly for you.

I have the King.

You're trapped.

Mr. Serge has a proposition.

What is it?

An exchange.

Mr. Serge in return for his family.

- Do I have your word?

- You have my word.

He wants to talk to them.

They're listening.

My loves,

- I'm going to do what a dad has to do.

- No, my love!

Yes. Now listen.

This is the only way

so listen closely.

You have to live.

I can go.

Don't do this.

And I'll go, happy.

- Happy I shared a life with you.

- We can't live without you!

I'm sorry for everything I did.

Don't do this!

My little girl...

There's something

I need you to do.

- Just live, and be happy.

- Don't leave me!

- I'm sorry, Dad!

- Promise me.

My love.

When I go,

your smile will be etched

on my heart.

The smile that brought

sunshine into my life.

I don't know how

to live without you.

I'll take care of your daughters.

And tell Charlotte

that her father

gave his life for you.

That her father was a hero.

And now,

he's gone to heaven.

And he's turned into a star.

A star that shines

the brightest of all

and is watching over you

while you sleep.

Maybe you could say "yoo-hoo!"

"Yoo-hoo, Daddy!"

Yoo-hoo?

Okay, no more yoo-hoos.

"Yoo-hoo, Daddy!"

"Yoo-hoo, Daddy."

Adieu.

Pretty good, right?

Yeah!

I thought I was good.

You're being harsh.

I even cried.

That came from the heart.

That's how politics works.

You put on an act.

For the good of the people, of course.

Let's go.

Can we trust this guy?

No.

So what will you do?

Rip up a few weeds.

Scary. But good.

But scary.

Here, you take her.

For the sake of the mission,

and also because today,

I'm a little... unpredictable.

Anyway. Here goes.

Time to make my sacrifice.

Ready.

What are you doing?

The same thing

as mothers in Africa.

Good, no?

It doesn't suit you.

Sure, I understand

the practical advantages.

But the mission comes first.

The mission comes first.

Let's go.

I've cracked his file.

This won't be easy.

We cracked the gardener's file.

He's a big fish, Boss.

The guy's a lunatic.

We should be careful.

The file is top-secret.

But I think you'll recognize

what's inside.

I've been thinking

about your confession, earlier.

I want you to know,

if you ever need to talk,

I will always be there to listen.

You're right.

Sometimes, words are unnecessary.

I'm learning a lot.

His file is pretty hardcore.

Don't you read rsums?

Sergeant Bohm!

I should have known it was you.

Bohm? Who is Bohm?

You little prick.

"Lonidas Apastegui"!

I never knew your real name.

It's a long way

from Sergeant Lo Bohm,

my finest soldier.

Five military honors!

You were like a brother!

I thought I recognized that voice...

Commander Masson.

- Feels weird, right?

- A little.

I'll just go check.

You were my new family.

But soldiers

who k*ll innocent people

will never be my brothers.

We had orders,

and what you did was worse.

You disobeyed.

Wiping out a tribe of nomads?

You're no leader.

That's w*r!

No, it's not.

That's a crime.

And you?

k*lling your own men?

What do you call that?

Some kind of justice.

Wherever you go, I'll be there.

If you attack innocent people.

I'm seeing the bigger picture, now,

and you know what?

I like it,

a lot.

Thank you.

Lo, can you do me a favor?

Take off your clothes.

My clothes?

Yeah!

Where are you going, soldier?

Where?

We can't win.

They're too strong.

Maybe you're right.

You're a deserter!

D-E...

S-E-R-T-E-R!

I can smell you, Playboy.

I know you're close.

This as*h*le is hard to find.

What are you doing?

You'll hurt someone.

That's the point.

No, the wrong person!

In other words, me.

That was fast.

Now what do I do?

Are you putting your finger

in my daughter's mouth?

That finger has k*lled people!

You want to live?

Yes, but we can still

be hygienic.

Watch out.

So you do karate!

There are two things I love.

Women and knives.

You're gonna pay for this.

Really? The baby?

I don't give a sh*t

about your baby.

- Don't touch my Rolex!

- Then don't touch the baby.

He's a bad man.

You're way too handsome.

He's just playing.

Okay, no more playing around.

Feels good!

My ba*ls!

You as*h*le!

The party's over.

Time to pack up.

Any last words?

Esmeralda?

Such a shitty name.

I saw you in danger

and did the first thing I thought of.

Is he dead?

For the sake of your own health,

don't move.

That's advice.

Not a threat.

She's fine.

That's the main thing.

Let's go.

No! Find a signal,

call the police, and hide.

- Not without you!

- Go!

- Come with me!

- It's no use both of us going.

Listen to me for once.

I'll stay here

and wait for your dad.

Go, and if you see Charlotte...

Of course.

I'll care for my sister.

Your little sister.

You know, I...

I don't hate you.

I love you too.

Go, quickly!

Bohm.

Masson.

Bohm.

The deal's off.

You're on your own.

Give yourself up.

You know the code.

Death...

before dishonor.

Damn it.

Sorry, buddy.

But you're probably

already burning in hell.

I'm going to lay down

my weapons, too.

You take her.

I'll let you deal with this

for once.

Careful.

Good luck.

No, I won't say "good luck"

because it brings bad luck.

Break a leg. I mean...

Break his leg.

I mean...

Break something.

Especially if it's his ugly face.

Blind obedience...

that's your thing.

I was born to obey.

I chose to disobey.

For ten years, I've been eliminating

people on the Matignon List.

And that will continue,

I promise you.

I'll teach you to obey, Bohm.

I won't make

the same mistake twice.

And this?

Forget this?

Here's Mommy.

My darlings!

I love you.

You saved my little girl.

- Where's Alice?

- Calling the police.

- I knew you'd come back.

- It's over.

Thank you, thank you.

It's over.

You were ready

to sacrifice yourself!

No! That was

psychological manipulation.

Special Forces technique.

What?

Uh...

Of course, I would have if I had to.

Just not this time.

- What's that?

- That's...

w*r.

Dad!

My love!

It's over.

Mia!

- Did you call the police?

- No service.

Not now! Come on, let's go.

And Lo?

He's busy.

Crawl...

like a lowlife gardener.

This is my turf.

Cactus.

Ivy.

So it's true.

You have no sense of honor.

No honor.

Goodbye, Bohm.

Soldier! sh*t!

The mission is over.

You follow orders, damn it!

It's over. I too chose

the path of disobedience.

You obey...

I'm prouder

to have fought you, Bohm,

than to have followed

Masson's orders.

Bohm is gone, now.

I'm just a gardener, that's all.

No, you're more than that.

You have to plant new roots, soldier.

Say...

aren't you a little tense?

- At least he won't bother us again.

- No, Mr. Serge.

- Are you okay?

- I'm okay.

I'm fine.

No kidding.

What's going on?

What are you doing?

Come on!

I'm not really a city person.

What will you do here?

What I do best. Disappear.

And garden.

Thanks, Lo.

You saved our lives.

From the bottom of my heart.

You take care.

I'm going to blow

this case wide open.

Come on.

The baby. I know it was you.

We worked as a team.

Thank you.

Masson...

Is she asleep?

No music, either!

Didn't I tell you

I filmed something crazy?

For ten years, I've been eliminating

people on the Matignon List.

- And that will continue...

- You didn't!

- When was this?

- In the garden.

Nice work!

The file, and this video?

It's the scoop of the century.

Impressive!

Happy, Mrs. Journalist?

Chief Editor. I'll shut them down.

I'll email the paper.

Can you drive smoothly?

I can't write.

Dad?

Isn't that your car?

- Where?

- There! Behind us!

My BMW!

It's accelerating.

- Go faster!

- I am!

Be careful!

I've got Charlotte on my lap!

- Hold onto her!

- I've got her.

He's going to total my car!

And k*ll us!

Watch it!

- Yeah, watch it!

- You want me to watch it?

Send the damn email!

- Are you okay?

- I'm okay.

- The baby?

- I caught her.

- He's passing us!

- Stop!

He's passing us!

Move!

Pull over!

You pull over!

Pull over!

No, never!

Quick!

sh*t!

- No!

- Yes!

There!

Lo may be the expert

in hand-to-hand combat

but off-road, Daddy knows best!

- He's back, he's back!

- I don't believe this!

Send your email, damn it!

- Where's my phone?

- Find it!

Dad, Lo's here! We're saved!

Bohm!

He just won't leave me alone.

sh*t!

b*stard!

Where is he?

You should have obeyed, Bohm.

Stay here.

All three of you.

Are you crazy?

Be careful.

Hey.

Seems this game

is missing a player.

It's not a threesome

without Sergio.

Say,

don't you have a mission

to complete?

You need to complete the mission.

Remember what they say

in the army?

Every mission must be completed

The mission, the mission!

Come on, then!

I bet you're confused, right now.

Vengeance? The mission?

Vengeance? Mission?

Finish your mission, damn it.

Here's your mission! Yeah.

But your mission?

He's Mohammed Ali.

Float like a butterfly...

See?

That was close!

You're out.

Come on, then.

Come and fight.

Let's finish this,

one-on-one.

Float like a butterfly,

sting like a bee!

Masson.

Nature forgives...

But not me.

Very poetic.

Nice work!

You're lucky I distracted him.

We make a great team,

don't you think?

My love!

Dad!

You did great.

I'm proud of you.

Going to thank me?

Thank you.

You're welcome.

What's he doing?

Where's he going?

- Lo!

- What are you doing?

You're not saying goodbye?

Goodbye.

He's a smart guy.

It's good to keep things short

and to the point.

- I wonder if...

- Shut up.

I love you too.

A new twist in the Matignon case

as Prime Minister

Georges-Franois Balfen

has been placed

in detention pending trial

at the Prison de la Sant

this morning.

The arrest marks

a turning point in the scandal...

That's right.

Your daddy is an unsung hero.

THE GARDENER

Hello, sir.

- Where do I park my bike?

- You can't, sir.

- But I'm Serge Shuster.

- Serge...

Shuster.

The Environment Minister.

Mr. Chassagnol is

Environment Minister.

Not anymore.

Now I'm the Environment Minister.

Is there a problem?

He says

he's the Environment Minister.

That's Mr. Chassagnol.

Until 10 a.m.

I'm being inducted today.

As of 10 a.m.

I'm the new Environment Minister.

Mr. Chassagnol

is Environment Minister.

Excuse me.

Hey, Didier.

So Didier just walks on in?

He works here.

Yes, and I'd like to go inside

and work here, too.

Any ID?

Really?

I'm not happy about this.

Here. Serge Shuster.

Shuster, Shuster...

Sorry, you're not on the list.

For once,

that's actually good to hear.