02x09 - Dearly Departed

[bunniefuu]

-Who’s a good client?

-Come back to ASDRA, August.
Come back to me.

-Susan, I desperately need
some career advice!

-Help me.

-You seen Zooey?

-She went to see Susan.

-I’m going to see my mom.

What’s new?

All this time
and you still don’t care.

-Do you still hear the voices?

- These days?
Not so much.

Yeah, yeah.
Zooey’s okay.

I’m just
leaving the hospital now.

Pardon me, Miss?

You okay?

-I’m looking for my mom.

-Where’d you leave her?

-We were arguing

and then this big white car
came out of nowhere and--

-You’ve been
waiting here a while, huh?

-I just keep thinking
she’ll be here.

If I keep coming back,
she’ll be here.

But nobody will talk to me!

They just walk past me
like I’m not there.

Except you.
You’re different.

-You know what your mom
would want you to do, right?

-We argue a lot.

-Doesn’t matter.

She loves you.

-I guess.

-Things with moms is:

even if she’s not, like,
there to say it,

doesn’t mean
she doesn’t care.

She wants the best for you.
Always.

And the best for you...

just isn’t here anymore.

You go ahead.

You cross.

Joiti. Joiti.

There’s someone in the house!

Okay, yeah.

Just, uh, stay in bed.

I am going to check it out.

Um...

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Uh, you better get outta here!

Hey!

I’m six-foot-four and 240 pounds

of a pissed-off homeowner.

Hey, I’m holding a blade!

Oh, God, it’s so sharp

it could cut a tomato

into, like, really thin slices!

Ohhh...

You got to the count of three

to get your punk a*s outta here.

One!

Two!

Please don’t make me do this!

What, funny? Really?
You find this funny?

- Oh, you’re so sweet.

-Jo, what the hell
is happening? Stop!

-Stop! Hey, stop!

-What was that?

What’s this?

-It’s a baseball bat, dumbass.

- It was his.

-What’s it doing here?
-I don’t know.

-It’s mine and it’s ready to go
all lemonade on your a*s!

-So, this is going into the pile
with the rest of his stuff.

-Jo, what the sh*t is going on?

Who is this guy?
What is happening?

-I know. Just be patient.

It’s hard for me, too.

-Hard for you?

Listen to me!
Talk to me!

-I get it. I know it’s hard

but that’s why we have to do
this, right? We have to move on.

-Move on -- yes!
Out of my house, out of my life!

Stop! Stop! Stop!

-Let’s go to bed.
-Okay.

-What?

Jo?

Jo, what the hell?
Talk to me.

Now you’re cut off.

- I didn’t even
have that much.

- What’s it doing here?

So, this is going into the pile
with the rest of his stuff.

Just be patient.

-What? What? What?
- I know it’s hard

but that’s why
we have to do this, right?

- What?

What? What?

We have to move on.

Let’s go to bed.

-Nas?

- What the--?

-How is she?

-Zooey is bruised
and she is bleeding

and she is mad as a wet cat,
but she’s gonna be okay.

August is taking her home.

-What about Susan?

-That is the question, yeah.

-Okay, well, listen,
I’m gonna keep digging here,

but we need those bank records
to get a full picture.

-I’ll settle for a snapshot.
Anything you can find

about the house!
Who built it, who lives there.

-Okay, okay. I’m on it.

You okay?

-Susan is in there.
I know it.

-Well, how can you know?

The voices?
The power, it’s all back?

-It was my mom.

I touched her hand
and it was like

plugging into a
12-gauge speaker wire.

-How...
How could that work?

-What am I, a scientist?

-What about your dad?
Have you seen him?

-No, I haven’t had time
and now Susan’s stuck in there

with God knows what
and we need to get her out!

-What are you gonna do?

-I’m gonna go see a house
about a lady.

- When we first moved in
there was a half-wall here

that just didn’t work
and a hideous green accent wall.

It was horrible.

-Well, it feels very open.
Great job.

-Thank you.

It wasn’t me, though.

My husband was good
at this stuff.

He even picked all the colors.

He really made this house
into something special.

-Well, he did.
And it is.

Okay, so you are competing
with four other houses

-in a three-block radius.
-Okay.

-I checked them out and they’re

just about as exciting
as underwear for Christmas.

The work you did is going to
pay off huge in terms of

a faster sale
and a higher price.

-My first husband
did all the work.

He was the one
with the vision.

The talent.

And he died.

-I died?

-I am sorry for your loss.

-Zayan poured his heart
and soul into this house.

He called it our
"forever home."

- "Until we can afford
something better."

-I met Nasser earlier this year.

We married in early October

and a couple months ago
we decided...

it was time
for us to move on.

-Too many memories?

-Zayan had a heart thing.

They called it an...

aortic dissection.

It k*lled him so young.

And that just k*lled me.

For months I stumbled
through everything.

Numb.

Then Nasser
brought me back to life.

So...

let’s get this place sold

and find something
new and wonderful ’cause

Nasser really deserves
a fresh start.

-I don’t disagree.

- Hm.

You should probably know
what happened last night.

-Whoa.

Well, nice to meet you, too.

Looks like we got
something to talk about.

So, let’s talk.

-Look, I feel bad
that he died so young.

It’s just that, you know,
we have our own life, too.

But don’t get me wrong,
it’s a great house.

Except it was their house.

You know, I want to live
somewhere that’s our house.

-Understandable.

-See, this is exactly
the type of thing

that makes me think that maybe
Joiti’s not on board

with all this.
Excuse me. Joiti?

-Yeah, babe?
-D’you unpack all these boxes?

-No, I didn’t touch
your precious boxes.

-I thought we agreed that we
were gonna donate all this crap.

-You agreed.
I got tired of arguing.

-Uh, what was in them?

-Oh, just all of his old sh*t.

-You gotta be kidding me.
-What?

-I spent all day yesterday
packing these.

I was gonna take ’em
to Salvation Army.

-And what are they doing here?
-You didn’t put it back here?

-No.
-Oh, then who did?

- I did, b*tches!

-Are you
calling me a liar?

-Clearly I like to pack things
just to unpack ’em.

I’m not an idiot, Joiti.

-Ah, let’s
put a pin in that.

-Wait! Joiti!
I was just--

No, let’s just
talk about this, please?

-Ahh...

Oh.

You have a good eye.

That’s, um,
Groundthorne number 13.

Oh, and if you look
a little closer,

you’ll see Mutant Nun
number seven.

The one where she cage fights
Jerry Falwell.

They had to pull that one
when the lawyers got involved,

but, uh,
I got to it first.

This is the stuff
that he calls sh*t!

Do you know what it is?
It is the residue of a life.

My life! And he-he, what?

Wants to cart it away
to the Salvation Army,

sell this house,
abduct my wife?

Really?

What the hell is Joiti doing
with a philistine like that?

You think you’re
gonna sell this house?

No!

I don’t think so.

-I have all day.
I’m not going anywhere.

- It’s my happiness
that bothers you,

isn’t it, Luke?

-I always wanted
Susan to be happy.

- Sure,
as long as it makes you happy

and the world
still revolves around you.

-I’d like to
talk to Susan, please.

-I am Susan.
-Bullshit.

-You want proof?
Proof it’s me?

-Yeah, if I could see, like,
a photo ID

and a major credit card.

Taught us to build a fire
in cub scouts. Proves nothing.

-You know what
I hate about you, Luke?

You’re Mister Perfect.
Perfectly styled,

color-coordinated,
confident, glib.

-I’d like to
talk to Susan, please.

- What makes you think
I’m not Susan?

-Well, it’s the whole
color-coordination thing.

See, I could buy the rage
on the other points, but, uh,

color-coordination?

It’s one of Susan’s
core beliefs.

- You need to leave,
Mister Roman.

-You’re not Susan either.

-Oh, but I am.

We are one.

Susan Ireland possesses me.

-Possession is nine-tenths
of the law, so what do you want?

-I want you all
to stop distracting Susan.

Leave us alone.

-See, Susan is a friend of mine,
so if she tells me to piss off,

I’m gone.
Boom, I’m outta here.

But until she does...

watch for me.

I’ll be back.

Piss off, Luke.

-Susan would never say that.

-Looks good.

-Hey.

Is, uh,
is everything okay?

-Yeah. Yeah, I’m sorry
you had to see that.

Look, I know
that this is tough on her.

I just don’t want to
spend the rest of my life

being her dead husband’s
cover band.

-Joiti told me about
what happened last night.

-Yeah, that was... weird.

-Have you, um,
noticed anything else...

weird in the house lately?

-Hi! Hey.

Uh, can I bounce a couple things
off you right now?

Cool.

So...

Apparently, I’m dead.

I can see you and muscle boy,
but you can’t see or hear me.

You’re gonna want to cut those
zucchinis pretty thick.

Anyway...

I don’t think we should
let a little thing

like my untimely death
get in the way

of a terrific relationship,
so here is the plan:

I help you get rid of
Mister Musclepants.

You can do better.

In fact, you actually
have done better.

Next, you fire
the real estate lady

and move the furniture
back the way it was because

the whole feng shui thing
is totally messed up now.

And, then,
here’s the best part:

we just, um...

live.

Well, you live and I do

whatever the hell this is
right now.

But we will be together.

In our house.

Our house.

Wow, you remembered
my secret ingredient

for superior ratatouille.

Touch of brown sugar.

I miss you so much.

-That looks great!
You mind if I help?

-Yeah, it’s your favorite.
I’m making it for you.

-Thank you.
-Good news, Joiti.

I have us scheduled
to look at that new house

on McGuill Street.

-I love that house!

- I know it’s hard.

This is going into the pile
with the rest of his stuff.

- All of his old sh*t.
- Making it just for you

-Time to put my plan
into action.

What?

-Damn it. I missed.

-I think I need to
talk to my supervisor.

-And then I looked in the mirror
and there she was.

And she did not
look good.

-You should be home
taking it easy.

-I’m fine. And I’ll take it easy
when we get Susan out of there.

-See, the mirror thing
worries me.

There’s centuries of
mirror mythology that suggests

an attraction to souls,
the ability to trap them

and the will
to hold them indefinitely.

- Mm.
-Did you see Susan?

-I never even got inside.
You okay?

-Yeah, just sore.

-So, you gonna tell them
or should I?

-Tell us what?

-I’m back on the air.

- Ah, hell, yeah!

-So, it’s all back?
The voices? The ping?

-Stronger than ever.

-About damn time.

-Lomax. Hi.
-Roman!

I know you’ve got
your hands full, but I think

my homeowner’s dead husband
just tried to k*ll her new guy.

-Uh-oh. You saw this?

-Yeah, I saw a knife
fly off the countertop

and barely miss
the guy’s face.

Got stuck three inches
into the wall.

-Look, I’m sorry
to pull you into this.

I can handle losing a sale,

but losing a client
to a knife in the face?

That’s gonna look really bad
on my performance review.

-I’ll get there
as soon as I can.

-I gotta go help Lomax.
-What about Susan?

-We should be there right now!
-Not without a plan.

We’re still in the "investigate"
phase of the ECHIDNA process.

We don’t move on to "neutralize"
until we know exactly

what we’re up against.
We owe Susan that much.

You still working
on the past residents?

-The bank has owned it
a very long time

and they do not like
to share records.

-I’ve enlisted some help
on the technical aspects.

-Well, keep working on it and
I’ll be back as soon as I can.

-Hey,
wanna mess with the bank?

-Yes, please.

-Ow.

-Hey, I am so sorry
to drag you into this.

-Where’s our happy couple?

-They’re in the house,
rage packing in separate rooms.

-What do they think
is going on?

-Nasser, the husband,
is in complete denial.

He thinks he’s the victim
of a drive-by knifing.

Joiti, I-I don’t think she knows
what to make of it.

There’s a healthy dose
of survivor guilt in there.

I-I saw it a lot
on my last job.

-What about the, uh,
other husband?

The one without a pulse.
Any idea where I could find him?

I know where I’d start.

-Great.
Another pale authority figure.

You know,
I have just about

-had it with you guys.

-You need to
adjust your stance.

Your feet should be
shoulder width apart.

-What?
Are you, like, um...

-Dead?
Not at the moment.

-The-then how can you see me?
How can you hear me?

-How can Tame Impala
sell nearly two million albums?

Universe is a freaky place.

-Yeah, true dat.

-So, Zayan.

-Uh, ZAYan.

-Zayan.
-Um-hm.

-Your wife and her partner
decided to sell the house

and I’m pretty sure
that’s what brought you back.

-Cool. I don’t care.
She can’t be with that guy.

She can’t love him.

She just can’t.

-I hate to be this direct,
but you died.

You are, in this moment,
worm chow.

Now, I have no doubt
that you loved Joiti

and that she loved you back,
but that?

It’s over.

-I thought
love lasted forever.

-Well, yeah.

Like low-maintenance
composite decking.

-Then why can’t Joiti and I
be together?

-Well, you can.

-Just not yet?

It’s bullshit.
Who do I talk to about that?

- Yes, we’ll be needing
those records now.

Uh-huh.
All right.

Can I please have your name

so Miss Shelley in legal
will have someone to reference

when I tell her that
you are completely incapable

of providing these documents
that she needs

for an important legal matter?

Oh, really?
Oh, that’s great!

Miss Shelley in legal
will be so pleased.

Uh-huh. Ah!
Those people in legal.

They’re scary, huh?
Lawyers, am I right?

Perfect! You’re a
warrior prince, Cody.

Uh-huh. Okay. Bye-bye.

Lawyers.
Is there anything they can’t do?

-You have to be Zooey.

-And you are...?
-Here to see August.

-Do you have
an appointment?

-Honey,
I am an appointment.

-Oh, Zooey,
this is, uh, Rochelle.

-You are exactly
as he described you.

-Oh, he described me.
-I think he called you his--

-Uh, Rochelle, my...
workshop is this way.

-Fifth daughter.

For this you
turned me down.

-It may be small,
but it is...

adequate.

-So, what are we
trying to solve?

-We have
a living organism

forcibly conjoined
with an inanimate object.

-Specifically?

-We have a nice lady who’s not
just trapped inside a house,

but becoming part of a house.

So, we need an extraction tool

that can separate
and withdraw her without harm.

-A metaphysical jaws of life?

-As always,
you capture the essence.

-Can we go see this house?

-Zooey, we’re going to take
some readings at Susan’s house.

Phil’s meeting us there.
He’s never seen the place

and he wants
to get a feel for it.

-Mind if I tag along?

-You, uh, certain
you want to give this house

another swing at you so soon?

-We’ll see who’s still
standing at the end.

-Yeesh.

-Yeah.

I’ve covered up
nastier knife wounds than this.

-That’s what I like about
you, Lomax. You’ve seen stuff.

-Okay.
Take it or leave it.

I met this woman once.

Her husband had died,
it was some sort of cancer,

but she bought
the whole premium package.

Odyssey-level casket,
string quartet graveside,

dove release at benediction.
It was top-drawer all the way.

Paid for my senior year
at Brown.

-Okay.

-In a private moment,
she told me

that they had gone
through this rough patch,

but they found
couples counseling

and apparently it just turned
the whole thing around for them.

She said that when he died
they were holding hands

like newlyweds
until his last breath.

-That’s a nice story.

-Couples counseling.

I think maybe
that’ll do the trick here.

-Which couple?

-Hm. Both.

-So, it just seemed like
there was a lot of pain,

a lot of loss
and more than a little anger.

-Dibs on the anger.

-So?

-I think that if we
put things out in the open

it’ll help all of us,
you know?

Move on to where
we need to be.

Emotionally...

Spiritually...

and in a residential
real estate context.

-This feels kind of silly.

We’re supposed to pretend
that Zayan is here in the room?

-That is the idea, yeah.

-This is stupid.

-You’re stupid.

-I think if Zayan was here

he would say that that attitude
isn’t going to get us anywhere.

-Come on, Naz.
What could it hurt?

-Uh...

-Yeah.
-What an as*h*le.

Come on.

-Okay, if Zayan was here,

he would say that the love
he shared with you, Joiti,

was something
that should last forever.

-That does sound like
something he’d say.

He was such a romantic.

-And how would you respond?

-I’d...

This really feels dumb.

-Go on.

-I’d tell him
that when he...

When he passed...

-You were sad.
Oh, I get it.

-I never left the house.

Except to mosque.

Only to mosque.
It was the...

only thing
that made me feel better.

That’s where I met Nas.

His mom had just passed.

-That is a
very halal meet cute.

-This is over a year later.
How long was I supposed to wait?

-Forever!

-Nasser, if Zayan
was here right now

what would you tell him?

-Dude, you’re dead.

-You are a smarmy,
home-wrecking piece of sh*t!

-I think Zayan would argue that
you two aren’t as compatible

to one another as they were.

-It’s not really
for him to say, is it?

-Dude, you know,
you’re dead.

This is stupid.

I’m sorry. I just--
I’m gonna go repack the den.

-Hey, keep your hands
off my sh*t!

-I don’t think
this was helpful.

-I’m sorry.

I just thought it would be best
to get everything out there.

-You made him sound jealous
and controlling.

He was never like that.

He was kind,
and funny.

Really loving.

And I loved him
more than life.

All he wanted
was for me to be happy.

And when we were together,

we were happy.

-Well, doesn’t look like
Castle Dracula.

-Just don’t
turn your back on it.

-Phil, this is Rochelle Decker,
a friend and colleague.

Rochelle, Phil Orley, ibid.

-Nice to meet you.
-You, too.

-Oh, dear.

-May I?

Oh, these are marvelous.

-They’re calibrated for
different energy fluctuations

indicating drains and surges
that can alert us

to residual emotional
and temporal activity.

-Oh, why don’t you two
just get a room?

-Yeah, we gotta go.
Susan’s in there.

Susan!

-Shall we?
-Yes.

-It’s the ones that don’t look
like Castle Dracula

that worry me the most.

-Susan!
Susan!

Susan!
Susan!

Zooey! I’m here! Zooey!

- Distractions.
Distractions everywhere.

You don’t need them
anymore, Susan.

You have me.

They should be dealt with.

We can do it together.

We can do
everything together.

- Let me out of here!

-Perhaps we can work out
a compromise.

-The hell we will.

-Well.
-Yeah. Well.

-At least he left you
the recliner.

-Yeah. He is waiting
for someone to help him.

I mean, you go
to the gym that much

you’d think you’d be able to
lift a recliner by yourself?

-What are you gonna do?
Just wander around the house

rattling chains,
hiding toothpaste from Joiti

for the rest of her life?

-I have a plan.

-Does Nasser survive this plan?
-See, that’s the thing.

k*lling Nasser
is a short-term solution.

Joiti would just
find someone else.

-Someone even worse.
-Exactly.

Or his soul could be stuck
in this house forever.

You think I want to spot him
on the bench press

for the rest of eternity?
No.

No, I have
thought this through...

and the logical person
to k*ll is Joiti.

If Joiti dies,
her and I could be together.

You heard her! She was happy
when we were together.

-I don’t think that was the
scenario that she had in mind.

-Well, I don’t see
another solution, so...

-Okay!
How’re you gonna do it?

-I don’t know.
- I don’t know.

Take your baseball bat.
You’re gonna bash her head in?

We can knife her
in the heart.

-Shove her down the stairs.
-Dude, just--

-I saw some
rat poison in the basement.

You could slip some
in her coffee.

-Stop, man.
-She won’t go easy. She’ll go.

-Dude, just shut up!
-No, you shut up and listen!

Joiti has her whole life
in front of her.

You say you love her,
but I don’t believe you.

-You know I do!

-Because when you
love somebody...

you want them to be happy,
no matter what.

Even if they’re happy
with somebody else.

- Now how soon?

Well, I’m sure if you just
give us a bit more time

we can convince
Miss Amaranth to--

I understand, but she has
lived there a very long time.

A very,
very long time.

Okay, just give me
one last try

before you do anything
too drastic, okay?

Do you have a place
to put all this stuff?

-Um, Nas has a storage unit.

-He seems very capable.

-I’ll always miss Zayan,
but...

Nas makes me happier
than I ever thought I’d be.

I kinda think
I deserve that, you know?

-I think so, too.

-Hey, thanks for your help.
- You bet.

-Hey, I just, uh...

I’m sorry
for being kind of a tool.

-It’s okay.
-I guess it’s just...

this Zayan character
was so amazing.

How’d you like to live
in that kind of shadow?

-Yeah.

He was quite a guy.

-Well, he basically
rebuilt this house, right?

Did you know he was a cook?
And a musician.

And this pop culture guru
kind of renaissance guy.

Stop.

-How am I supposed to
compete with that?

-You know,
you don’t have to.

-Yeah.

Now, let’s get
this thing loaded.

- Look out!

-Oh, yeah.

- Man, he didn’t even stop!

-You okay?

-So, we’re all set
for the open house on Saturday.

Get ready to field
some way-above-asking offers

-on Sunday.
-That’d be wonderful.

-Oh! And before Nasser
sends all that stuff

to The Salvation Army,

Roman tells me that some of it
could be worth

a significant amount of money
to the right dealer.

-I can’t imagine that
it’d be worth much.

-Apparently we’re in
six-figure territory.

Like...

down payment on a house,
or college fund money.

-Uh...

-Here’s a number.

Tell them that
Zayan sent you.

-I’m sorry, Jo.

I thought I loved you
so much that I, uh...

I couldn’t let you go.

Now I know I love you so much
that I can.

- You were at
Susan’s place?

What did you see?

-Nothing.
But August and his squeeze

have some ideas
about how to get Susan out.

-His squeeze?
-Rochelle. They have

some kind of history together.
-What about Phil?

-Phil is picking up
the tenant records at the bank.

-Well, great.

Let’s get everybody together
for as soon as I get back.

-Luke?

I think I have an idea
about my career path.

-Okay.

-I think I want to be...

a lawyer.

-Oh, God! Where did
your mother and I go wrong?

-Okay, okay.
Hear me out on this.

I’m tenacious.

-Yeah.

-Argumentative.
-To a fault.

-Persuasive.

-Well...
-Persuasive.

-Okay, you’re persuasive.

-And, with a law degree,
I can do any number of things.

I can actually help people.

I can afflict the comfortable,

but comfort the afflicted.

-To be honest,

the thought of you
with a law degree is terrifying.

In all the best ways.

Look, let’s talk about this
when we get back.

Right now...

there’s nothing more important
than Susan.

-Yeah, absolutely.
Okay, bye.

-Everybody.

-Uh, Luke, this is, uh,

Dr. Rochelle Decker.
She’s helping us out a bit.

-Great, we need it.
What’s the plan?

-Okay.

These sensors
identify all of the human DNA

within the infrastructure
of the house.

It’s an estimation at best.

-Still no house plans?

-Finally got the name
of the builder.

One Thomas Rabbitfoot.
I’m tracking him down.

-What’s next?

-We activate our device,

which should extract
the fully corporeal Susan

to a GPS coordinate nearby.

-Think it’ll work?

-Probably.
-Absolutely.

-Okay.

Let’s storm the castle.

And get our girl back.

-g*ng’s all here!

Your office?

- Is it...?

- Yeah.