(MYSTERIOUS SCORE)
(THUNDER CRASHING)
(LOUD THUNDER CRASHING)
(EERIE SOUNDS)
♪
("CAGE WITHOUT A KEY" BY
JILL BARBER PLAYS ON RADIO)
Time like a wave ♪
Nature's daughter ♪
Can be safe ♪
In the net that caught her ♪
Dark as the ocean ♪
Deep as the sea ♪
High like the tide ♪
Rising in me ♪
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
(LOW, EERIE RUMBLE)
(GARBLED NOISES AND VOICES)
(LOW, OMINOUS PULSING)
(GRANDFATHER CLOCK TICKING)
Set me free ♪
(DEEP SIGHS)
The wind's inside of me ♪
Set me free ♪
A cage without a key ♪
Set me free ♪
- (LOUD THUNDER CRASH)
- (EERIE VOICES)
(HEAVY BREATHING)
Get a grip, girl.
(INDISTINCT WHISPERING VOICES)
Love was made ♪
Like a lamb to slaughter ♪
Rise again ♪
(GRANDFATHER CLOCK CHIMES)
(SWIRLING INDISTINCT VOICES)
- (SHARP GASP)
- (WOMAN SCREAMS)
(GRUNTS)
(SWIRLING VOICES)
(OMINOUS SCORE)
(SWIRLING VOICES CONTINUE)
Hello?
(CRASH)
(FIRE RUMBLES)
(URGENT PULSING SCORE)
(MEGAN SCREAMS)
LUKE (NORMAL VOICE): Um, hi.
I'm Luke Roman.
Sorry to drop by so late.
I'm here about the house.
Historic six-bedroom,
four-and-a-half bath,
multi-level hardwood floors.
Lots of custom woodwork.
The house wants to k*ll me!
Seller motivated.
It's not you, Miss Donovan.
(GENTLE SCOR)
It's the house. I can help you.
Who are you?
Are you a priest?
No, ma'am.
(UPLIFTING SCORE)
I'm the real estate guy.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(GENTLE RAIN)
I called my fiancé.
He's coming to pick me up.
(DINER RADIO PLAYS IN BACKGROUND)
Maybe that should be a decaf.
I may never sleep again.
What's wrong with the house, Mr. Roman?
It's Luke, please, and it's sort of
difficult to explain,
so I have this Keynote presentation here
that sort of lays it out.
Oh.
(INDISTINCT DINER CONVERSATION)
SMEP?
Oh, you have no idea how
many euphemisms we focus-grouped
before we hit on
"metaphysically-engaged."
I don't get it.
Well, we were hoping to spell
out something cool like SPECTRE,
but oh, well.
No, what is a "metaphysically?"
Could have been worse. We
were dangerously close to SMEGMA.
You're talking about haunted houses?
Well, focus groups,
they slaughtered that one.
But here is a term they loved.
(WHOOSH)
(MAN SINGING ON RADIO)
A "stigmatized property"
is one whose market
value has been affected by
unfortunate occurrences.
(MAN CONTINUES SINGING)
Tragic events associated
with the property,
including, but not limited to, m*rder
- (g*nsh*t)
- suicide
- even accidental death.
- (g*nsh*t)
or the perception, real or imagined,
of any residual unpleasantness
related to said unfortunate occurrences.
Residual unpleasantness?
This next slide is a little scary.
- Can you take it?
- Eh.
(WHOOSHES)
A stigmatized property
could lose up to 35%
of its market value. It could
take up to 317% longer to sell.
Because of a ghost?
Did I mention ghost?
Do you see the "g" word?
No, many stigmatized properties
they're totally normal.
But even the perception of
creepiness, it just kills them.
And even when phenomena are present,
most of the time there's a
totally rational explanation.
Weird reflections. Noisy pipes. Mice.
A downdraft that can make a fireplace
Reach out to grab you
and suck you screaming
feet-first into hell?
Occasionally irrational
explanations are required.
I had been looking at
autopsy photos all day.
I'm a med student.
I wasn't judging.
So, that, plus two
glasses of chardonnay and
Suddenly you are a
hysterical, helpless woman
scared of the thunderboomers?
There was something there.
See, I believe that. But do you?
So, you're a
Ghost chaser.
Miss Donovan. Megan? Megan.
I'm about one thing:
preserving homeowner equity.
Protecting the God-given,
market-driven value
of your property from
anything in this world,
or the next.
I don't believe in ghosts.
Neither do I.
I just work with them.
BROCK: Megan!
Oh, that's Brock.
- (CLICKS TEETH)
- (CHUCKLES)
I'm sorry. He does that.
It's okay.
He missed me.
- Okay?
- Yeah.
We can talk about
the house. I'll, uh
Oh, I'll call you tomorrow.
And thank you. Really.
So much. Huh.
(DEEP SIGH)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
The client is Donovan, Megan.
She inherited the place
from her grandfather.
Boyfriend lives with her. A lawyer.
You know the drill. Complete
psychokinetic triage,
malevolent entity evaluation.
Try not to totally spook her out, okay?
AUGUST: The conscience of the world
is so guilty that it always assumes
that people who investigate
heresies must be heretics.
Aleister Crowley.
ZOOEY: Way to not
spook her out, Augie.
Can we talk about the Lenore's place?
Did we get the M.E. results?
PHIL: Mm-hm. Clean.
There was stuff flying out
of drawers. Mirrors cracking.
Plates breaking. The
M.E. came back clean?
Squeaky.
Well, the referring agent is
certain there is a poltergeist.
Who's the referring agent?
Rita Weiss.
- ZOOEY: Ooh.
- PHIL: Mm. Mm-mm-mm-mm.
So, I have to call Rita Weiss
and tell her we came up empty?
- Make the new girl do it.
- (CHUCKLE)
Susan! Your ears must be burning!
Everybody, this is Susan
Ireland, our new agent.
We stole her from Livingston-Kent
where she spent eight years straight
in the Platinum Ring of Esteem.
I'm so excited to be here
What's the Platinum Ring of Esteem?
It's just this club for
people who do ten million dollars
in volume over a twelve-month period.
So it's not an actual piece of jewelry.
No.
This is Father Phil. He
does our title work, research,
background checks, due diligence
that sort of thing.
Father Phil?
- Fallen priest. Hi.
- Ah!
And this is August Ripley.
August designs, builds and maintains
some of our proprietary technology.
You're the I. T. guy?
To find joy in work is to discover
the fountain of youth.
Pearl S. Buck.
And you met Zooey, our office manager.
Aye.
She knows where all
of the bodies are buried.
So to speak.
No. Seriously, I know
things that could make
Why don't you wait to
take Susan to your dark,
nihilistic places until after
she's filled out her W-4, shall we?
Ready to work?
I'm psyched!
(CELL PHONE BUZZES)
Susan, I have to take
this, but why don't we
circle back to my office?
(PHONE CONTINUES BUZZING)
Ms. Donovan! We were
just talking about you.
(MYSTERIOUS SCORE)
Ms. Donovan Megan
I really feel like you're
making a mistake here
and a potentially dangerous
Yes.
I'm sure your fiancé is skeptical.
And I realize things look very different
in the light of day.
(OMINOUS SCORE)
The light of day can fool you.
(OFFICE PHONE RINGING)
So
(AWKWARD SILENCE)
We heard about that fire you
guys had at Livingston-Kent.
Is, uh everyone all right?
Ah, yeah. Everyone's super!
It was a very small fire.
Hm.
Has Luke explained the, um
the niche of the market that we serve?
Oh, I did my due diligence.
I know you people are specialists.
You close the houses no one else can.
The problem houses. And you usually get
your asking price or better.
The numbers don't lie.
And your boss, Luke, is
kind of a mysterious figure
in the business. But
real estate should have
some mystery, some romance.
Don't you think?
- Mm-hm.
- Uh, yeah.
Mm-hm.
(CLEARS THROAT)
That's why I'm here.
My personal mission statement is,
"I want to make a
difference in the world,
one house at a time."
Thank you, Miss Nebraska.
It's
(CLEARS THROAT)
(GENTLE SCORE)
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
That was our client on the phone.
Oh!
- She fired us.
- Oh.
- It happens a lot.
- Oh?
They almost always come back.
Oh.
So, we'll proceed
as if we're still hired
and see how things go.
You met everyone.
What an eclectic team.
August and Phil are
really great at what they do.
(EXHALES)
It's just they're not great
with clients. Okay? But you are.
I am a people person!
You are a people person!
And we serve a lot of people,
all over the world. No
one really does what we do.
Sounds exciting.
Can be.
What, exactly, do we do?
I have this brief
Keynote presentation here.
Sort of lays it out.
Super!
(GENTLE SCORE)
SMEP?
In Stambovsky versus Ackley,
the Supreme Court of New York,
Appellate Division, ruled
that haunted houses are real
insofar as the reputation of the house
being haunted impacts its value.
Some agencies, they help their clients
sell their houses by reducing clutter,
or by putting drops of vanilla extract
on hot light bulbs for that
fresh-baked cookie smell.
We help them by stopping
the walls from bleeding.
For these people, it's
not just their houses,
you know, it's their lives.
Their lives have become a
Stephen King short story.
And they need someone
nice and smart to talk to.
Someone who wants to make a difference.
One house at a time.
Look, if you change
your mind about the job,
you know, it's okay.
I'm sure Bob Livingston
will take you back.
Bob Livingston fired me.
We had a thing.
It was unprofessional and
wrong on both of our parts.
And how long were your parts
together?
A year. I knew it was wrong.
But it got complicated.
He promised to leave his wife.
He said we'd be partners.
Two weeks ago, he renewed his
vows in Trinidad and Tobago.
When he got back, he fired me.
♪
(SIGHS, SNIFFLLES)
(SIGHS)
Look at me.
I'm 34.
I'm not in a relationship.
I am locked into an
above-prime mortgage rate!
(BLOWS NOSE)
And now I'm Winston
Zeddemore from Ghostbusters.
(SIGHS)
(SCORE TURNS DARKER)
(DOORBELL)
So, this place has us stumped.
The phenomena says poltergeist,
but our tests say no.
Still, nothing like a rotisserie
chicken floating two feet
off the counter to scare
off the looky-loos.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Rita Weiss? This got scary fast.
Hi. Is your mom or dad here?
LAUREN: You're the ghost guy.
I'm the real estate guy.
RITA: You are a delusional,
oily b*ll s*ck wrapped in Armani.
Nice, Rita. In front of the kid.
I'm not a kid. Just
get rid of this thing.
It's embarrassing and
impacting me socially.
Rita, you know Susan.
RITA & SUSAN: We've met.
Well, Susan just joined our team.
Brave choice.
So, where's Pope p*nis the Twelfth
and Frankenstein's butt-double?
(SCOFFS)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(GENTLE SCORE)
Excuse me.
Can't seem to find any original
documents on this house.
CLERK: Gotta be in the file.
It's not.
This place is at least 100 years old
and there's nothing on it prior to 1987.
That's weird.
Mm-hm.
Didn't just grow up
out of the ground, did it?
(MYSTERIOUS SCORE)
(DISQUIETING SCORE)
Nice turnout for a weekday.
♪
If it is a poltergeist,
they're generally benign
so I doubt you're in any danger.
What happened here?
HERB: We were all in here
together, it was game night,
and a glass came up off the table
and smashed into the picture.
See? Classic poltergeist.
(SIGHS) Tests came back negative.
Any cold spots in the house?
Apparitions? Unusual noises?
- ELSA: None of that.
- Well, we did a
preliminary investigation of the filing
of this subdivision and, uh,
this land was only developed
12 years ago.
No battlefields, no
ancient burial grounds,
no spiritual instability that
made it into the public record.
Have any of your neighbors
experienced any unusual phenomena?
Edie Kalmanowitz grew
a potato in her garden
that resembled John Quincy Adams
and bled on national holidays.
It's a quiet neighborhood.
Well, if something bad did happen here,
it had to have been prior to 1851.
Right around the time they took
that picture on your sign, Rita.
(LAUGHS) Eat a warm bowl of
Can I go out tonight?
I think it's best if you stay in.
Nana and Boompie might be coming over.
You can give them cute names
but it doesn't change the fact
that your parents are old and boring
and carry a slight urine smell.
- Lauren!
- Your mother said stay home.
Whatever.
I could use some help with
dinner. Would you make a salad?
Whatever!
She's at that age.
(EXHALES)
Hm.
So, what now, genius?
(EERIE SCORE)
- Ah!
- Uh!
(OMINOUS SCORE)
(WHIZZING)
(SCARED WHIMPERS)
(CRASHING AND CLATTERING)
(CELL PHONE RINGING AND BUZZING)
Luke Roman.
August? What'd you find out?
Do something!
- Have you talked to Phil?
- (FRIGHTENED WHIMPERS)
No, I think that I should go alone.
(CRASHES SUBSIDE)
Oh, I think Susan seems to
have everything under control.
Oh, dear. Are we going have problem here?
No problem, we just
learned some interesting things
about your house. It
would be a violation
of my sacred blood oath to
not disclose them to you.
Real estate agents
take a sacred blood oath?
It's like the oath the doctors take.
It just mentions carpet more.
(SIGHS)
(CROW CAWS)
See, that's the thing.
There's no record of
this house being built.
It's like it was always here.
Jeez.
All I'm asking is that
you let my people look around.
They do a few simple tests.
No charge. No obligation.
I just don't know. My fiancé
The lawyer.
- Don't say it like that.
- Like what?
Condescending.
A lot of people don't like
you guys any more than lawyers.
We are both parasites.
Real estate agents do
less damage to the host.
(EXHALES THROUGH NOSE)
I don't know. This
is all just a bit much.
Megan, listen to me.
There is something old and
very angry in this house.
These things,
they are like global
warming, or liver failure,
or the Easter Bunny.
Whether you believe in them or not,
they could still hurt you.
The Easter Bunny can hurt you?
This isn't about my troubled childhood.
This is about your house.
(GENTLE SCORE)
(INHALES; EXHALES)
What kind of tests?
♪
Feel it?
Like it's watching?
Miss Donovan?
You must work for Luke.
(SIGHS)
The bad thing happened in the study?
That's where the bad thing happened.
♪
(MACHINE WHIRRING)
(CRACK!)
They told me you'd be here.
Please, don't let me interrupt.
All right, just one more.
- (CRACK)
- Whoo
(BATTING MACHINE BELL)
You want to take a few
swings? It's great for stress.
No, thanks. I'll
stick to binge drinking.
You wanna know what
most things people call
hauntings really are?
What?
They're unfinished
business. That's what they are.
What we do what you do?
You find out what the
unfinished business is
at the Lenore's place and you finish it.
Sounds so simple.
What's your deal?
You know all about me.
I know nothing about you.
There's not much to tell.
(GENTLE SCORE)
You want me to be
your perky flight attendant
on the ethereal plane,
you're going to have
to open up a little.
(SIGHS)
Well
I grew up in southern California,
I went to UC Santa Barbara
on a tanning scholarship.
I got my real estate
license, and I did okay.
Yeah, I can read your resumé.
I want the good stuff. Married?
In a relationship?
I'm asking for
ambivalent thirty-something
single women everywhere
'cuz we have a database.
Nobody special.
Parents?
My mom left when I was
little. My dad raised me.
Single parent. This was our place.
We used to come here
a couple times a week.
You see him much?
Passed away a few years ago.
Oh. I'm sorry.
♪
It's okay. We keep in touch.
Fascinating, she said.
She slowly inches towards the exit
Susan,
I'm going to need to
focus on the Donovan house.
Can you take over the Lenore's place?
And we are running out of ideas.
And Rita? She's going to eat us alive
if we don't come up with something soon.
We've been at it for a
month. Can I count on you?
(SIGHS)
Well, I expected no less
from a veteran of the
Platinum Ring of Esteem.
I wish it had been jewelry.
♪
And one last thing.
Don't rule out the rational explanation.
Ever.
Rule it out? I'm praying for it.
(SCORE SWELLS)
(BATTING MACHINE WARNING BELL)
(SCORE FADES OUT)
What's upstairs?
There's six bedrooms, four bathrooms,
a sort of a library, um
Like a parlor or something.
And a big attic.
Downstairs?
I don't really go down there.
There's just a bunch of
boxes and, like, a door,
but it's locked.
I think, uh, we should
have a look, don't you?
Uh
Yeah. Please.
(MYSTERIOUS SCORE)
(LOW GROWLING)
(SNARLING)
What's that noise?
You've never heard that before?
♪
(LOUD GROWLING)
(HEAVY BREATHING)
Do you have pets? Dogs? Cats?
No. Brock's allergic.
- Fish?
- Fish?
Wouldn't their little fins
have trouble working the knob?
Any living organism
can stimulate an otherwise
inert psycho-kinetic field.
Could be rats.
Oh, don't say rats.
I don't believe in most of this
crap but I do believe in rats.
♪
(FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS)
(STRANGE ANIMAL SOUNDS)
(CREAKING)
To your knowledge,
did your Grandfather,
or anyone else, die
horribly in this house?
He died in an extended care facility.
He suffered from some dementia.
I don't blame him.
(TENSE SCORE)
(GROWLING)
(NERVOUS EXHALE)
(SNARLING)
Big puppy.
Who's a good boy?
(MENACING GROWL)
You are!
(ROAR)
(PANICKED BREATHING AND GRUNTS)
(HEAVY BREATHING)
Ahhh! Shut the door!
No, wait, wait!
(DOOR CREAKS)
(NERVOUS BREATHING)
Have you, uh, regained your faith?
No.
But I did shave a few seconds
off my best time in the 40.
Please tell me that wasn't a big rat.
(HEAVY BREATHING)
(BAG HITS TABLE)
Morning. What do we got?
Luke, where did you find this place?
Well, I've had my eye on it for a while.
Man, from a pure emo-energy standpoint,
we're talking Tower of London
meets the Paris Catacombs with,
well, a little Wonderland
Ranch thrown in.
What tests did you run?
The basics. The M.E. level?
(ENERGETIC SCORE)
It's coming in at a five.
A five?
Never had a five.
Oh, I think we're
in for a series of firsts
with this place.
Oh, yeah.
He followed me home. Can I keep him?
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
Hi.
Oh, well, look who finally shows up!
Is he all right? What happened?
Poltergeists are benign, you said.
Nobody's in any danger, you said.
Just tell me what happened!
Just like last time, all three of them
were sitting down to a
nice family dinner when that
big stone clock on the
mantle flew across the room
and hit Herb smack between the eyes!
He's lucky to just have a concussion.
He could have been k*lled!
You are gonna get sued
back to the stone age
and lose your license.
Rita! Shut your hole.
Now,
tell me exactly what happened.
(THUNDER CRACKS AND RUMBLES)
(ATMOSPHERIC SCORE)
(WOMAN VOCALIZING)
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
♪
(PHONE TONE RINGING)
Hi, you've reached Brock.
Please leave a message
and I'll sue you later!
(BEEP)
Honey, it's me.
It's after nine and you
promised you'd be home by eight.
I just
I need to hear your voice.
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
♪
Brock, Brock, Brock, Brock, Brock.
It is me, your woman.
I am alone and scared and
lonesome
and afraid and, frankly,
more than a little p.o.'d.
Come home to me now, tort monkey.
Or don't!
(PHONE ON TABLE)
(DRAMATIC SCORE HIT)
Yeah.
Lauren had just come home,
finally, and we were eating.
Remember any sights? Sounds? Smells?
There was a burning smell.
Dinner was overcooked
because of Lauren's
t*rd and lack of respect
for our family time.
Herb was just explaining
to her how a late dinner
impacts his blood sugar.
I could die.
Did the clock do anything before
Before it attacked?
No
Yes.
It seemed to shake, just a tiny bit.
(MYSTERIOUS SCORE)
LAUREN: Stop.
(BABY GIRL CRYING)
I miss you so bad! I know.
I miss you, too.
I don't know. I think they're
going to keep my dad overnight.
Uh
(TODDLER WAILS)
No, it's Uh
I can't hear this kid!
I can barely hear you, Todd.
(GIRL CONTINUES CRYING)
No. Okay, no Don't get
mad. I just I-I can't.
(SCORE SWELLS)
My mom told me to wait.
I'm already in trouble.
(SCORE LIGHTENS)
Okay, thank God. What a little brat.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(RAIN SPLASHING)
(THUNDER CRASHES)
(OMINOUS SCORE)
TV HOST: The lioness rounds the corner
and gets close to the
Soon she will have it in its
clasp and takes it down hard.
Tonight, maybe for the first time
(TV STATIC)
(TV BUZZES)
(WOMAN VOCALIZING)
(INDISTINCT VOICES)
(CHANNEL SELECTOR CLICKING)
(MEN VOCALIZING)
(EERIE SCORE)
(EVIL SURGEON LAUGHING)
(SCORE FADES OUT)
(RELIEVED SIGH)
Oh, God.
- (HEAD THUMPS ONTO PILLOW)
- (SIGH)
(LIGHT BUZZES AND HUMS)
(CHOIR SINGING DRAMATICALLY)
(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)
(GASP)
(STRUGGLES AND GRUNTS)
EVIL SURGEON: Ahh
Ha, ha, ha.
(DRAMATIC SCORE)
(SCREAMING)
♪
(THUNDER)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(GASPS AND EFFORTS)
(MANIACAL LAUGHTER)
(GENTLE SCORE)
Are you okay?
Can you go back in there?
I'll go with you.
We'll get you dried off
and we'll take a look around.
(HEAVY BREATHS)
♪
(WINE SLOSHES)
(DEEP SIGH)
I can take you to a hotel.
You'll get a good night's rest,
and we'll figure out
this thing in the morning.
I really can't be alone right now.
Can I trust you?
Yeah.
You can trust me.
♪
(BOTTLES CLINK)
(THUNDER CRASHES)
(EERIE SCORE CRESCENDO)
(SWIRLING INDISTINCT WHISPERS)
(HIGH-PITCHED WHINE)
(DISTANT CITY TRAFFIC)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(GENTLE SCORE)
(SLURPING)
You want to talk about last night?
(SIGHS)
These houses
They know what scares you.
♪
There's something you should know.
Your house?
I've been watching it for a while.
(DRAMATIC SCORE)
Several years ago,
before your grandfather
bought the place,
it was unoccupied.
The yard had gone to hell, so to speak.
A neighbor lady she had just
moved in she came next door
to complain about the weeds.
Nobody knows who answered the door.
But nobody ever saw that lady again.
(DOOR SLAMS)
Any idea who she was?
They say I have her eyes.
Your mother?
I guess she'd just moved back to town.
I got some hang up calls.
I called back. She
answered. I heard her voice,
and I knew it was her.
So, of course, I hung up.
We never connected and she disappeared.
Anyway, it's It's complicated.
Moms always are.
So, I have been eyeing
that house for a while.
When your grandfather bought
it, I went to see him, you know?
To see if he would let me
do some tests and things.
He said no.
Yeah. Grandpa didn't like people.
(CHUCKLING)
(BOTTLE ON TABLE)
It's a little early, isn't it?
Hm?
Nope. I never stopped,
so, technically, it's still last night.
Um, Megan,
this is a Domaine de
l'Armand Montrachet.
It is one of the finest
white wines in the world.
The oh-four is legendary.
Yeah, Grandpa was a serious wine guy.
He had cases and cases of these rare,
expensive vintages in the basement.
In fact, they told me
that he was adding a wine cellar
to the house when he got sick.
(LIGHT UPBEAT SCORE)
Really?
(SCORE CRESCENDOS)
(PHONE CLICKING)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
Do you mind if I?
Your dad seems okay.
Think they're going to spring
him as soon as the doc shows up.
So, who's the guy?
What guy?
The guy who's got you so messed up
that you're tossing around
salad forks and mantle clocks.
(GENTLE SCORE)
I never I didn't
You are.
You did.
You're not doing it on
purpose. But you have to stop.
It's something that happens
to some kids at a certain age.
We're a hormonal theme
park to begin with, and then
something short-circuits.
We flex a muscle we
didn't even know we had
and then boom!
Things move.
Things get broken.
The technical term is telekinesis.
I looked it up a long time ago.
What if I hurt someone?
You will learn to control it.
Trust me.
♪
And go easy with this guy.
Guys can do stuff to your head.
Make you doubt yourself.
Besides, he's-he's an opening act.
He's not a headliner.
He's My Chemical Romance.
You gotta save a little
something for when Linkin Park
comes along.
Those were bands, right?
Yes, those are bands.
Come on, let's check on your dad.
Did things like this happen
to you when you were my age?
He was a bass player.
I set things on fire.
- No, you didn't.
- Whoomf.
(LENORE CHUCKLES)
That is awesome.
(ENERGETIC SCORE)
Hold on.
What?
Feel free to keep on trusting me.
Okay.
(DOOR CREAKS)
I need to get this house out of my life.
I'm either going to hire
somebody to torch the b*stard
and burn it back to hell, or
I'm going to lower the price.
Lower the price?
Luke, it's a supernatural
beast guarding a hell-house.
What makes you think?
Meat.
It's the universal language.
(MEGAN SCOFFS)
(SNARLING)
As your broker, I
encourage you to toss it!
The pork chop now!
- (MEAT HITS THE FLOOR)
- Oh, sh*t!
Oh.
- What?
- It's all dusty!
He's not going to mind.
(SNARLING, BARKING)
(TENSE SCORE)
(GROWLING)
(BARK, GROWL)
(WHIMPERING)
A dog is a dog,
no matter who his master is.
♪
Yup.
Wine cellar.
(DISTANT VOICES)
(EERIE SCORE)
(DISTANT VOICES CONTINUE)
(LOW RUMBLING)
(CLOSER INDISTINCT VOICES)
(SCORE CRESCENDOS)
(SCREAMING)
(GRUNTING AND GASPING)
(BEAST GROWLING)
(BEAST SCREAMS)
(PANTING)
(COUGHING)
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
(GROWLING)
The pork chop's
wearing off. Come on!
(SCORE CRESCENDOS)
(BARKING)
(EXCITING SCORE)
(GRUNTS AND EFFORTS)
(WHIMPERING)
(SCORE FADES)
(HEAVY BREATHING)
(WHIMPERING CONTINUES)
Ohh.
So, in the process of
building his wine cellar,
your grandfather, he accidentally opened
some sort of portal or a gateway.
I think we closed it
but I'll call in a welder
and we'll seal up that bad boy for good.
What about the dog?
Well, without the energy from
the open portal, he'll move on.
He's probably looking for a
ghostly mailman as we speak.
Oh, God. We are never
gonna sell this place.
Oh, I think you will.
You just need proper representation.
A sort of a specialist, then.
Definitely. Someone you can
trust. That's, like, crucial.
And the, uh, evil
spirits They're all gone?
I assume that the lawyer is staying?
We'll see.
(SIGHS)
What about your mother?
♪
- MOVER 1: Still got it?
- MOVER 2: Yeah, I do.
You did some really nice work here.
Thanks.
(LIGHT SCORE)
So, where do we stand
on the Donovan house?
Oh, we are gonna sell that mother.
Luke, I need to know:
how did you find out about me?
My telekinesis and the fires.
Research. It's what we do.
♪
So, you were kidding
about your dad, right?
'Cuz you know I don't
really believe in that.
So, what do you believe?
I believed
that I was in love with Bob Livingston.
I believed he would leave his wife.
So, is it so hard to believe
that I stayed in touch with my father?
Susan, people die.
Their souls, they pass on.
Only love and low maintenance
composite decking last forever.
I believe it's going
to be very interesting
working for you.
I believe that you're right.
♪
(BOTTLE CLINKING)
A Frenchman named
Rochefoucauld once wrote,
"It is with true love
as it is with ghosts
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
Everyone talks about it
but few have seen it."
(MYSTERIOUS SCORE)
(BLOWING WIND)
(DISTANT ROLLING THUNDER)
(EERIE SCORE)
Still,
person's got to believe in something.
Don't you think?
I'll see you soon.
Mom.
(THUNDER CRASHES)
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01x01 - Pilot
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Real estate agent Luke Roman and his team specialize in clearing and closing haunted houses.
Real estate agent Luke Roman and his team specialize in clearing and closing haunted houses.