01x08 - Baba O'Reilly

[bunniefuu]

Previously on SurrealEstate

We worked the Jackson house.

Class three shape-shifting demon

that bounces from person to person.

Both the Travis's,

the victims of tonight's incident,

were clients of the

same real estate firm.

Something followed us home.

How did it get up here?

It found a host.

- Did we get it?

- It rests in pieces.

What's wrong?

Now take us home.

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

Listen people ♪

Go put on your dancing shoes ♪

Come on, people ♪

Chase away these blues ♪

'Cuz tonight, yeah ♪

You know we gonna have ♪

Please

It's time for me to go.

- How's he taking it?

- Not good.

Him and Megan got into

a huge fight earlier

and clients have been calling,

pulling their listings all morning.

Okay

So

it was Antonia Hablanis moving

her listing to Livingston-Kent.

And the Kims have decided not

to list with us because, uh

personal reasons.

Rita Weiss is probably putting her

sign in their front yard as we speak.

Unless Bob Livingston has already

sprayed it with his musky odor.

And already the vultures gather

and feast upon my flesh.

Aleister Crowley.

Any clients that they

could take from us,

we didn't deserve to keep.

Can you run by and get our signs?

You know, we could be

huge assholes about it.

These people signed contracts.

We will take satisfaction

in being the grown-ups here.

And in the thought of Bob Livingston

having to disclose to prospective

buyers that a lady with goat legs

goes clip-clopping down

the upstairs hallway

every night at twelve-oh-three.

So

We in trouble, or what?

Look, it's late. I need to think.

We'll circle back tomorrow?

- We're in trouble.

- First Travis.

Now this Jackson thing.

Two high-profile incidents

resulting in death

and drama in less than a year.

None of this is Luke's fault.

Tell that to Luke.

Seriously,

tell it to Luke.

Physics.

That's all it is.

Your release was too high.

Ball didn't have time to

connect to the floor enough

for the friction to take

hold to create the desirable

30-degree trajectory into the pocket.

You really know how to suck the

fun out of everything, don't you?

So, how are things going?

Oh, let's see

I'm an industry pariah,

clients are firing me left and right.

Responsible for domestic violence

and the death of innocents.

Well, you still have your health.

- You gonna bowl or what?

- Ah. Wrong shoes.

Dad, what if I'd never been like this?

What if I'd never been

able to see these things?

Talk to them?

What if I'd just been born a normal kid?

Who are you calling "these things"?

Nice one!

See what happens when you

find a direction of impact

to distribute the kinetic energy?

The answer, uh,

to your question is, uh

You were a normal kid.

And if you weren't,

I'd've loved you every

bit as much as I did.

Your mother probably

still would have left us.

Wasn't you, Luke.

It wasn't even me.

It was her.

She said I was a

disappointment and a failure.

Now, that doesn't sound like her.

I knew her, Luke.

I knew her in the good times

and, God, they were good.

I loved her a long time.

Long after she left us.

Can't say for sure I ever stopped.

Well, that must not have been easy.

She was in pain.

But she was never cruel.

People change.

Hey, you.

They told me you'd be here.

Used to do a bit of bowling myself.

So, let me guess:

Zooey thought I needed a pep

talk and you drew the short straw.

It's wrong that you're blaming

yourself for Travis and Jackson.

Those things are gonna happen

with the kind of houses we sell.

We are good, you and I.

We're good at the fundamentals.

Marketing. Sales. Staging. Financing.

- Hand-holding.

- We're damn good.

These horror shows,

they make up a relatively

small percentage of our listings

and our revenue.

They account for most of

the time and aggravation.

I'm tired, Susan.

What are you saying?

Maybe it's time to cut bait.

Make the safe, smart play.

Just take on the regular listings,

leave the other ones to

October 31st, where they belong.

That would impact everything.

Allocation of resources. Staffing

Well, Phil could continue

to do our title work.

Probably lose August

to some place like NASA.

Or Hasbro.

Zooey'd probably stay on for a while,

for the dental and free office supplies,

but she'd get bored and she'd

You need to think this through.

I feel like

Like we-we're doing some good.

Real, existential good.

If you're done, I'm gonna lock up.

I just have one more.

Hey, it's Megan. Your move.

Hey. Uh, it's just me.

I know your class

schedule is really insane.

Was just hoping to see you again

if you want to see me.

Ah, anyway, give me a

call. Or, even better, uh,

text me when you want

me to come over, okay?

Okay.

We're a guitar and a sheet cake away

from being a support group.

Luke has a lot on his mind.

Hey, y'all. Let's make this quick.

Just got off the phone with

a Lisa Neal in New York.

She got our name from Tessa Green.

Word of mouth. The best advertising.

Ms. Neal's aunt Nellie

recently passed away.

They didn't know each other; last

living relative type of thing.

Anyway, she wants us

to clean up the place

and liquidate it for the estate.

- Natural causes?

- Sounds like it. She was almost 90.

Natural causes sounds

like a nice change of pace.

So, I grew up in the neighborhood.

When I was a kid, I used to make

some extra money mowing their lawn.

I never met Ms. Neal

she never went outside

as far as I know

and I'd always find a couple of bucks

stuck to the mailbox with a clothespin.

Years later I found out it was

my dad putting out money for me.

Felt sorry for the lady.

Your father sounds like a fine man.

He was.

Anyway, it is a nice,

normal place and I'm

going to make it my project

for the next couple of days.

We can hire people.

I just need to be busy with something.

I have a feeling this house

is going to be pretty

heinous on the inside,

so have Shelley Disposal

deliver a dumpster, would you?

Pass my calls along to Susan, okay?

I will check in once in a while.

I am late for a showing.

Uh, wait!

My tools are still in your

Trunk.

I need to check my M.E.D.'s

screening algorithm.

I never should have

missed that second Roadie.

How could you know?

Roadies never travel in even numbers.

- Hey, Zooey.

- Hey.

Megan's on the phone.

She's looking for Luke.

I'll take it.-

Megan, hi.

I need Luke.

He's tied up right now.

Is there something I can help with?

It's a problem with the house.

A big problem.

I just finished a

showing not far from you.

Do you want me to stop by?

Yes.

Huh. I, uh

Wonder how I got here?

Calibration is perfect.

Problem must lie in the M.E.D. which

is still in Susan's trunk

along with my acoustic propagation

sound-scope and my nanny-cam.

Nanny-cam?

Some technologies

require no improvement.

So, I dug into this

nice, normal Neal house.

It's built by Nellie's

parents back in the 50's.

She would have been about 16 then.

She inherited the place

just a few months later

when her parents died

in a freak accident.

I become apprehensive when the words

"freak" and "accident"

are used concurrently.

Yeah.

I tracked down the police report.

They each fell out of two

different attic windows

at the same time.

Wow. And what are the odds?

Over the years, police have

taken multiple complaints:

garbage, weeds, varmints, et cetera.

Social services registered seven

visits in the last three years.

All attempts to remove

Ms. Neal from the house

failed.

- 'Til she got the big remove.

- Yeah.

Face up on the porch.

It was the first time anyone

can remember seeing her outside.

This seems like information

Luke should know.

He's turned his phone off.

God, what happened?

That's the thing. I don't know!

I woke up in the library.

It was a mess, just like this.

Someone was in the house!

Just awful.

I mean, you don't

think it was your ex?

Brock?

No, I don't think he's capable

of this kind of irrational

crime of passion.

Did you change the locks?

Uh-oh.

Does anybody else have a key?

Only my real estate agent.

I think we can rule him out.

Maybe you should call the cops.

I mean, what if it's some creepy person?

Or, worse yet, what if it's not?

You need to get out of here. It's time.

Well, I found a place I love.

Luke has it under contract,

pending inspection, title search and

Where is Luke?

- You haven't talked to him?

- Mm-mm.

- Oh, come on!

- What?

This says I missed

12 messages from Luke!

Where have I been?

What is going on?

I need to go to my car for a quick sec.

I will be back.

Took you guys long enough.

We hit a lot of red lights.

Must be inside.

Luke?

Hello?

Who the hell are you?!

Who are you?

Freaky-deaky.

Um, what is this place?

I've never seen it before.

Yeah, no, I'm out of here.

Or not.

So,

I mean, I guess we go

- That way?

- Yeah, let's do that.

TEEN AUGUST Hello, is anybody here?

I was just on my way

to not going to school

and then all of a sudden, I'm here.

I was going to church

for choir practice.

What's your story?

I was fixing the tractor.

It kept stalling, I'm pretty

sure it was the fuel line.

You're a farmer?

I live on a farm. It doesn't define me.

Whoa.

This is a top-of-the-line Commodore 64!

It hasn't even been

released to the public yet.

Man, I'd love to mess with this thing.

Uh, if only I had some

Tools.

Can we please just keep moving?

You guys go ahead.

Whoa.

What are those?

Only my favorite candy of all time.

Moby d*ck.

I always wanted to read this.

The fish did it.

You know, all my favourite

things in one room.

Congratulations on your

low threshold for happiness.

This room's creeping me out.

Oh, hello.

Oh, sick.

All right, sh*t waffle.

You really want a piece of this?

Bring it, b*tch! I will

- What is that?

- He sounds pissed.

Bam!

No! No!!!

Sad Girl!

Altar Boy!

Hi!

Come on. We should all stick together.

I am gonna reach through that screen

and kick your pale a*s.

Oh, no. I don't think so.

Bam!

Eat hot smoking death!

sh*t waffles!

People of Earth! Welcome!

Voicemail again.

Did you guys have some kind of a

Disagreement after the awards?

Did we? Why is that night such a blur?

I remember watching

you up at the podium.

You looked so great.

Stop.

Strong and powerful, yet humble.

Cut it out!

Eventually

And the next thing I

remember, I was here.

Alone, passed out on the couch.

And the place looked like this.

Well, I have no idea what happened.

But if it happens

again, we're gonna know.

This is August's bag. Amazing stuff.

Don't touch this. You

know what that can do.

Here we go.

If somebody or something

is creepy-crawling you,

this hidden camera's gonna

catch them red-handed.

I'm gonna look for a place to hide it.

Get ready to lose.

I am losing.

I don't like it.

Stop moving!

I don't like pain. It hurts.

I thought farm boys were

supposed to be tough?

I need a touch of herbal anesthesia.

Don't forget your old friend.

Bodacious.

Bodacious?

- How old are you?

- 16.

I'm 16 and I've never

heard that word used

in anything other than ironic context.

Bodacious?

What year were you born?

What?

Luke,

what about you?

What about me what?

When were you born?

Sad Girl's checking IDs.

'84.

Yeah. Same.

'98, '65.

But we're all 16?

What if we're dead?

- Wait what if this is hell?

- Naw.

The weed's too good.

It's the house.

It's the house!

It-it brought us all here

and-and made us 16 and it

It's giving us everything

it thinks we want.

Yeah, you got books and-and

sugary jumper cables.

You got old computers and weed.

And Mallomars and

Non-productivity.

- You got piercings.

- Yes!

All right, so think of

something else you want.

Um

Okay.

Uh!

It knows me.

And I think

it likes me.

It seems to be

telepathically reading our desires

and then leveraging

them to keep us here.

Does anyone want to play Foosball?

Oh, hell, yes.

Seriously?

Oh, yeah.

This is motion-activated

to record anything

that moves through the front hall.

So, you and Luke might want to

control yourselves so we can,

you know, keep our PG-13 rating.

Oh.

Could you, uh, put that thing away?

Gives me the creeps.

Sure took care of those Roadies, right?

Poof.

Just like the Jackson kid's drawings.

Three Roadies?

Uh Megan?

Ah!

The hell?

What happened to all my hardware?

No way.

This place is faking it.

Yeah, no. I'm outta here.

Vos volos nimis!

Okay. This may work with

somebody else, but

Shi Noo!!

I just have to have her ♪

She puts up a fight ♪

I keep jabbing at her ♪

Yes.

with her lustful combinations. ♪

I become impatient ♪

Where is Sad Girl?

Probably giving herself a tattoo.

like when I caught my case an ♪

I'm gonna go check on her.

She says bye to me ♪

This house,

it's a feast!

So much pain and

confusion and heartbreak.

You took two of my lives,

but now

I'm home.

Oh! Ah!

No!

Oh. You want this back?

- Ah.

- You okay?

- Yeah. You?

- Yeah, I think so.

Ahh.

- You hit hard.

- Oh. You're sweet.

Oh, dear.

I can't find Sad Girl.

Did you check her room?

It's not her room anymore.

And I think she was

right about this place.

It's giving us stuff to-to try

to keep us here, but it's

- None of it's real.

- All of my screwdrivers are the same size.

And, have you noticed,

your score hasn't changed

in the last 20 minutes?

That sucks.

All my books, no matter

what the title is,

every page is page 339 from Moby d*ck.

Is it an important page?

It deals with blubber removal.

Well, there you go.

I can't live in a world where

the books only have one page!

Vos

volos nimis!

Vos volos

Nimis.

That's Latin.

It means "you want too much".

Too much what?

Ah!

Help! Help! Ah! Grab my hands!

Grab my hands, please! Please!

Man, this is bullshit!

Oh!

Ah!

Am I back to myself?

Back to your creaky mid-thirties.

I forgot how much 16 sucked.

I was getting too young for this sh*t.

Here.

Ah, you, too. Come on, Altar Boy.

Ah!

So, any ideas on what just happened?

We call it a glamor of some kind.

That house makes you happy and secure,

gives you everything you want

except it keeps you 16 forever.

But only in the house.

And something was off.

The glamor, it wasn't perfect.

All my piercings disappeared.

My books only had one page.

It appears the house isn't strong enough

to properly service a party of four.

- There can only be one.

- Like Nellie.

The house is holding

auditions for her replacement.

And Luke just made call-backs.

- We gotta get him out of there.

- Mm.

Ah, okay. I got no other plans.

Dad?

Skipped a generation.

So

The house thinks the

thing I need the most

is a lively round of golf

with my middle-aged self?

Who you calling middle-aged?

You look a little weathered, dude.

I got one word for you.

It's an important one

and it's one I'll hope

you'll remember in the years to come.

Moisturizer.

Anyway

It's a pretty sweet

gig you got here, right?

- It's okay.

- Okay?

This house gives you everything

you want, when you want it.

You're not going to get that

good a deal out there, Luke.

Trust me.

I know.

Now, out there,

you're on your own.

You want something?

Good luck!

You start needing people, they need you.

You get attached, bonded

and it gets complicated.

And one day you just

You lose them.

Like Dad.

Something happens to Dad?

Life happens to him, buddy.

Death is a part of life.

Usually the quiet part.

So, here's the pitch:

You stay here and none of it happens.

None of the complications,

none of the muss, the fuss,

scary nights, the sad goodbyes.

So, what do I do?

You make the safe, smart play.

You tell this house

this is all you want.

Out loud?

You think this house can read your mind?

Well, right.

Duh.

But, yeah.

You say it out loud.

So, how do we convince

someone who is inside the house

who doesn't know that

we're outside the house

to leave the house?

Yeah, a bit of a conundrum.

Well, we all went in

through the front door,

but we all got ejected

through the window, right?

So, the window is the way out, okay.

Okay, so,

what if I call Anthony?

I'm pretty sure he can remove

the entire window frame,

otherwise, he'll have to use

glass cutters and very carefully

cut around the ornamental glass,

- unless it's thermal pane

- Stand back!

Yes!

That's another way to go.

Ahh.

What's going on?

- What happened to my friends?

- Friends?

Those weren't your friends.

You have no friends!

You have ghosts

and demons.

Things that whisper at

you from under your bed.

You have work 24-7, and

that is all you have,

you motherless freak.

You are going to be alone forever, Luke.

Alone with the screams

and the whispers. Busting

your a*s, never a vacation.

Burnout city.

Or you can say the words

and stay here forever.

Safe,

unburdened,

unchallenged.

Just say,

"This is all I want."

This is, ah

This is all, um

But, see see the thing is,

I want more.

I hear the voices and

I want to talk back.

I-I see these things,

these people

who are lost, and

I want to help them find

whatever's out there to find.

M-maybe that's

God, or

Maybe it's just

peace.

Or, uh

Maybe it's a miniature

golf course, which,

by the way,

this is not.

This is why we can't have nice things.

Luke!

Are you sure you wanna do this?

Dad, are you even here?

You never had a family.

- Stay with me!

- I was being honest.

A guy like you

Like us

who doesn't see the world

like everybody else

It is tough out there.

A lot of people are

going to push you away.

Mom was just the start.

Or we could stay here,

never give them the chance.

Don't go out there, Luke.

You'll be sorry.

What'd Dad always tell us?

"Ships are safe at harbor."

That's not what ships are for.

- Everybody okay?

- Luke!

- Bud!

- I believe so.

What happened in there?

The glamor, the illusion.

I tore it open.

I don't think anybody's ever

called it on its bullshit before.

Certainly nobody with your unique

perspective, Luke.

Sometimes it is a gift.

I guess it is.

So

Is the house back to normal?

What's he doing?

What he does.

Glamor is broken.

- Are you okay? Where you been?

- We'll talk later.

Okay.

Um,

well, since you're all here,

I need to tell you about

a decision that I've made.

I've been thinking that it

might be time for us to go legit.

Mainstream.

Just like any other

residential brokerage,

just a little more fashion-forward.

But now I've decided

Nah.

This thing'll blow over.

We gotta be who we are.

No faking it.

We are built for a particular job.

Exactly.

Now, I want you to go home tonight.

Rest up, hydrate,

because we are going to come

back to the office tomorrow

ready to kick a whole lot of a*s

and close a whole lot of escrow!

Hells, yeah, we are!