01x08 - Episode 8

[bunniefuu]

Previously on
Secrets & Sisterhood...

- We should all take a trip together.
We should go to Sonoma.

- Let the shenanigans begin.

- Cheers.
- To our sisters' trip.

- I think I should get the biggest room.

- Never! No.

- I agree with them.
- Why are you talking?

Be happy to be here!

- Everybody, turn your back to Shakur.

Get the outta here.

Excommunicado!

- What's happening
takes me back to my childhood.

Here they are,
doing the same sh*t they did to me

my entire life growing up.

- I definitely am not gonna
speak about my secret

in front of the whole group
with Shakur around.

- Don't.

Muzzie.

I'm gonna separate our stuff.
I'm probably gonna leave right now.

I'ma head out.

I'm probably gonna leave right now.

- Shakur, my love.
Can you please have a seat, babe?

I'd much prefer to stand.

- Okay, you can stand.
No problem if you wanna stand, babe.

Shakur, we love you. You're our sister.

And if any one of us have done anything

to offend you or hurt your feelings,
we're truly sorry.

At the end of the day,
we're all here to be together

and enjoy our time
and these precious moments that we have.

'Cause tomorrow's not guaranteed
for any of us.

- So this is damage control, then.

- That's what it looks like to me.
- We're saying sorry.

We're saying sorry.

- That doesn't mean sh*t.
- What I need is the respect.

Last night,
I heard the conversation being had.

The you guys are spewing out.

I didn't come out and say anything.

- Get the outta here!
- Fake-a*s apology!

All right, I'm done with this.

I really can't. I really can't.

- Walk your a*s on off, "elder."

Fake-a*s Khadija.

This is not what I'm here for.
I don't wanna be here for this.

And if I'm not enjoying
your presence or your company,

then either I gotta go or you gotta go.

- All right, well, this...
That was very productive.

See? Fake. Just what I said.

Khadija walking out
is the way I felt my entire life.

She was being dismissive.

Like, it doesn't matter how much
I put into our sisterhood,

and to our relationships and building it,

and how much I do for my sisters.

It's never enough.

- Shakur, we tried,
and you didn't accept or receive.

That's trying?

That's trying? It's for a camera.

It's fake. It's fraud.

The person who I have a big issue with,

Khadija, is my elder sister.

She is the one who I hold in high regard

and I always speak positive about
and say Khadija's the mediator.

Does this look like a mediator?

Or is this like a front
to pretend like she's a mediator?

I feel like Khadija abandoned me
when I left home at 15.

And she wasn't there for me

the way she was
for the rest of my sisters.

And continues
to be there for the rest of my sisters.

Like, protect me
like you protect the rest of them.

Why am I left stranded?

You think I want a fake apology?

- Shakur, what is a genuine apology
to you, my love?

Listen, I didn't ask for the apology.

I asked for respect.

- That's what we're trying to give you.

All of us sitting here right now
is a sign of the biggest respect to you.

Do you think anyone else would sit here
and talk to you if we didn't respect you?

- I'm gonna tell you right now...
- No, Jamila, that sh*t is fraud.

- I... I... I am sorry. You're my sister.
- No, no, no, no.

- You're my sister, listen.
- No, no, no.

No, I'm straight, I'm straight.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- Okay. Cool. Cool.
- You're my sister.

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.
- Cool, cool.

It's not a matter of being hurt
in the feelings, Jamila. Listen to me.

- I'm just so sick
of seeing this fighting, Shakur.
- No, no, no, no, no. No.

Crocodile tears. Nah.

When you... When we were at the beach,
what happened?

- What did I do for you?
- I'm over it, Shakur. I tried.

I defended you. Did I not?

Maybe she could have had more courtesy
in how she addressed you guys.

However, this is not the time
to kind of like,

everyone points and starts being like,
"You did this. This is wrong, Jamila."

It could be just,
I think individually, being like,

"Jamila, look, I don't like
the way you handled me, babe."

I'm here for everyone.

And here we are, once again,
nobody is here for me.

Everyone's turned their back.

It's the same issues.

It's not fair.

To have my back!

- We're having your back right now!

- Who had my back yesterday?

- Nobody has your back
'cause you're wrong right now!

- Where was the camaraderie?
Where was the sisterhood there?

Where was the sistership?

- Everybody just apologized.

- The way that Shakur is feeling
didn't happen overnight.

It's compounded.

It's feelings that she's had
since childhood,

and they've built up over time.

I'm gonna have a glass of wine.

But it's just kind of
coming out now in this way.

And she's just seeing red.

And once she sees red,
God help you.

Y'all ruin my vibe on my trip,

and now I'm not ready
to receive your guys' apology now,

because I never asked for it
and I don't want it.

- I thought you said
when somebody apologizes,

it's water under the bridge.

- But I'm not accepting it.
- And you hold grudges.

- But I'm not accepting it.
- But it's a genuine apology.

I explained to them how you felt.
- No.

- Shakur, just suck it up.
- No.

- I explained to them how they felt.
They acknowledged it.

- Can't force me to accept it.
- You wanted acknowledgment.

We're not even allowed to hold grudges.

As Muslim,
you can't even hold a grudge.

When you hold a grudge,

your prayers aren't even accepted
when you hold a grudge.

Well, you should
preach this to the rest of your sisters.

Shakur.

I'ma take a beat, and I'ma gonna go away

because this is not the vibe that I'm...
I don't like this vibe.

- Shakur, may I speak for a second?

What's the real-life scenario here?

You're gonna go home.

All you have in this world
is your sisters.

- I'll manage.
- - Let's just go onward and forward

and get over it, Shakur.

- Everything that I do is always rooted,
not just with me in mind,

but with my family in... in mind.

You want your sisters

to succeed.

You want them to do well.

And I'm always praising them,

but where the is my praise?

And I'm like,
"Damn, if they just knew

"how much I just really loved them,

then maybe they wouldn't
pick on me so much."

- All right, Shakur,
there's nothing else I can do.

There's nothing else I can do.
- There isn't.

- There's nothing no one else can do.
- All right. All right then.

- I just gotta let
the time pass on this one.
- All right, then let the time pass.

- I will.
- Let it pass.

- Perfect.

Whatever you need outta my stuff,
just grab it, Muzzie.

I'ma head out.

Khadija,
she should not talk to you like that.

It's so disrespectful.

- And the fact that you're even...
- You're in tears.

No one should be talking
to Khadija like that

because you're like a mother,

and you do so much for her.

That's it.

Enough with the tears.
You don't deserve this.

- Shakur, she really needs to sit down
and think about what is going on,

why she's acting this way,

what's causing her to feel this way.

I can't be around her.

But right now, I need a minute to myself,

and I don't wanna put my energy there.

- Let's get ready for dinner.

Let's just say
a solid 30 minutes for each of us.

Everyone.

Khadija, let's just get ready for dinner.

Close the door.

Can I get un-mic'd?

- Hey, babe.

- Yeah, you are.
You are, you definitely are.

'Cause this sh*t is for the birds, baby.

- So they're gonna go to dinner.
- They up my trip.

I'm gonna end up leaving my own trip.

It's beyond up.

It's the constant disrespect that happens.

And I'm like,
"All you guys will try to little girl me.

And then you guys tag team and do it."

And their apology was... was solely
for the fact of self-preservation.

You've seen
those apologies given out before.

Their apologies are horrible.

And then, of course, I go out here

to... to go receive
this fake-a*s crocodile tears apology.

And what does Khadija do?

Makes it about Khadija.

Yeah, parched, dehydrated.

Khadija thinks because she's older,

automatically you're gonna
have that respect.

And it's like,
"-it's earned, not given."

And in this position,
this is my playing field.

At the end of the day,
it's like, "I created this show."

Me. I pitched it. I created it.

I worked on getting it sold and picked up.

And I still don't get my respect?

Like, respect
the chain of command.

There's levels.
I'm here and you over here.

Anyways,
I'm trying to get these flights situated.

I'm gonna see
if I can look and find something

and then, I don't know.

I'll let you know. Okay, I love you.

- Welcome.

- This is so lovely.
You have such a beautiful property.

- Thank you so much.
We're so happy to welcome you.

It's a beautiful setup you have for us.

- It really is.
- Absolutely stunning.

- Thank you so much.
- I love it.

I wish this was my backyard.

This is pretty.
We even have little special menus.

- These are real grapes.

So the grapes on the table
are actually zinfandel.

It will be the same wine
that we're pouring.

- I'm glad you get to try
the grapes at least, Muzlefa.

You can't drink the wine.

- Yeah. Okay.

- Did you see all the...
The cattle and the farm animals

when we drove up?
- We did, the chickens.

- The bull. That thing is huge
and the horns look so intimidating.

It's not even... It's a baby bull.

- That's a baby bull?
- It's a baby.

Wow.

- Are they... Are...
Do they mate or do you mate them?

- They don't, no.
They're just pasture companions.

- Cool.
- Yeah.

- That's what Mom is looking for.

- A pasture companion. Yes!

Did we do anything
about setting her up on some app?

You're lying.

Yeah, Mom agreed. Mom agreed.

- There's no way.
- You're lying.

- Mom wants a companion.

She can't be a nun forever.

- I love that for Mom.
- No one wants to be 70 and alone.

- She deserves it.

- Ladies, are we waiting for anyone?

We're not sure.

- Maybe, I don't know.
- We'll keep it there just in case.

Of course. It's a pleasure.

- Shakur's chair, it's sitting there
just empty without her in it.

And a part of me
wants to call and text her

and say,
"What the are you doing?"

Because I don't want her
to miss on these moments

that we have together as a family.

And I hope that Shakur comes to it.

Ladies, I'm just really excited
to be with all of you tonight.

And thank you for coming and showing up.

And just, you know,
setting our pride aside.

And no matter what,
we know what family means

and here we are doing it.

- So I love you all.
- Family over everything.

Love you. Cheers.

Let's make some good memories.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

- Love you.
- That was beautiful.

- I have no idea
if Shakur's gonna really leave.

If she does, I would be very disappointed

that she allowed her emotions
to take control over everything

and get in the way
of creating memories together.

Like, why would you rob yourself of that?

- One thing that I wanted
to just bring up to you... you guys,

because, you know, at the end of the day,

this whole Wolf Pack,
we joke about it all the time,

but the reality of it is

this show is comprised of us 10 sisters,
and what we add to it.

And this is what we are.

This is real life.
The 10 sisters and our mother.

Like, it couldn't be
any more real than this.

This is not any one-person show.

This is a sister show.

We are here to show
where we have come from

and the power dynamic
that we are as a family,

and how powerful we are as a force.

Every obstacle, every opposition,
we have risen above all of that.

And it breaks my heart
to see Shakur try to shatter that.

- Or feel like she's entitled
to something more

when all of us were equally invested
in this same project.

- Like, come and th... throw it
in Khadija and my face.

"Um, you came in at the ninth inning.

Um, be happy
that you were even invited here."

- Like...
- Yeah, that's not okay.

- You don't get to talk to us like that.
- That's disrespectful.

Multiple times throughout the trip,

even Rabya asked her,
"How are you enjoying yourself?"

And she goes,
"Is that a rhetorical question?"

She was ready to fight.

She's very combative right now,
and that doesn't help anybody.

- Right now, she's seeing red.

She's not thinking.
She's obviously very angry.

She called us all frauds.

She said all these
outlandish things to Khadija.
- Yeah, she did. I'm over it.

- There is something
that is affecting Shakur

where she's at right now,

and I can't pinpoint it.

- Ultimately, how does this speak
to a solution?

She said she needs time.

- She needs time.

- And if she decides
that she wants to leave...

then what?

- If she decides she's going to...
She's going to leave,

we will, um...

We will catch up
and see how she feels

until she reaches out to one of us.

We're going to take her signals
just as they are.

But at this point,

we have another few days
of activities left.

Like, I have
an entire day full of fun festivities

- for all of us to enjoy tomorrow.
- Yay. We're excited, Noor.

- And if she does not want to partake,

she does not have to at all.

But it should definitely
not put a damper on our fun...

Of course not.

- and our time because
we all deserve to have a good time here.

- Absolutely.
- And that's it!

- Cheers to letting go of negative energy.

Absolutely. Cheers, ladies.

I'm way over here, so.

And cheers to you, Khadij.

I was really heartbroken

that Shakur wasn't at the dinner
in the end.

We have to fix this.

We need to lay it out on the table

and tell her that we love her.

Because at the end of the day,

this experience
is supposed to bring us closer together,

not divide us.

I think that someone from the Wolf Pack
really needs to speak to her

because I know that
she's not going to listen to me.

- You chose not to.
- Okay, my bad.

I ju... I didn't defend you. I'm sorry.

Please, just let's all humble ourselves

and let's just let go of that anger

because we don't need it, babe.

Just know you are providing a good life
for your sisters, for your mother.

- Like, literally.
- Think of Mom.

- Exact... I'm providing it.
- We all are.

- And I am getting treated like sh*t.

- No, no.
- I'm not getting my just due respect.

Shakur, sweetheart.

- We're on our knees.
- That's it.

- What else do you need?
- We're on our knees.

Shakur, we need each other, my love.

We have to be here together.

- And after this show,
we're still sisters.

What did you decide, Shakur?
Are you gonna stay?

Are you guys gonna get in the water?

Yes.

- Take a breath in.
I want you to feel those ribs expand.

Party's here.

Party's here.

Tilt it, baby, tilt it.

Flex that foot.

Put your mouth over it.

Yeah, just leave your mouth open.

Let it just run down your throat.

I'm sure it's not the first time
you heard that before.

It's like she's hitting a bong.

- You know what's really good
after a night of sister drama?

A cham-bong!

- Damn! Like a pro!

- Wow!
- Wow!

It's good, it's good, Khadij... Shakur.

That's the wrong sister.

- Belly buttons pulling to your spine.

Last night,
the Wolf Pack convinced me to stay.

They did take accountability
on what happened,

and they did show remorse.

And I think it's imperative to be able
to get quality time with the Wolf Pack.

And I'm not gonna
interact too much with the elders.

That's something I'll deal with later.

I just wanna focus on the moment now.

- Shuky.
- What's up, girl?

And the queen decided
to stay and grace us with her presence.

I'm happy
that Shakur decided to stay.

It's not every day that
you get to take a trip with your sisters

where you literally have nothing
to worry about but just to have fun.

And it's exhausting
to have to beg and plead Shakur.

But hopefully, we can move past this.

Shakur, we have an initiation.

I'm gonna pour rosé in here
and you're gonna drink it.

- We all did it.
- You look like cotton candy.

- Is it sweet?
- It's sweet.

- Are you lying?
- No.

My God. You're down. Holy sh*t!

- That's it.
- Holy sh*t. Holy sh*t.

Seeing Shakur this morning
makes me happy.

I'm so glad that she decided to stay.

I'm hoping that we can get past this.

But I know that she's not ready
to hear me out right now,

so I'm just gonna give her her space.

- Just open your mouth...
- Babe, just put your mouth on it.

- and let it...
Let it go down your throat.

That's what he said.

Girl, you know you'd be throat...
Deep throating that sh*t.

Yay!

- Yay!
- Yay!

- Yay, Shakur.

Are we... Wait, are you back?

Is Shakur back?

Yeah, now that
the bad vibe is away from me,

I'm back.

We're all back?

- Yeah.
- Okay, good.

We are back like we never left.

- No dirty looks, no names, no nothing.

Everyone, good vibes, positive energy.

- Can you see dirty looks
under my glasses?

- Yes, we can.
- I can.

- I can see your eyes.
- What'd I do right now?

Rolled your eyes.

Damn.

- And I'm behind you, and I saw this.

- I'm grateful for the Wolf Pack
to help keep my spirits high

and get me back on track.

I'm not gonna let anything else
ruin the rest of my trip.

- I need to get a push.

- Pool party time in Sonoma.

Check out our chef, Matt.

Hi, are we getting hungry?

Yes.

- Would we like some brunch?
- Yes.

- All right, would you like
to join me at the table?

- Wonderful. Thank you.
- Yes.

- Today we are having
a CBD, THC-infused brunch.

- Are these mocktails, hun?

They are cannabis-infused mocktails.

- Okay.

- I'm really excited that
the elders are actually living a little

and, you know, partaking in this.

- Thank you, that looks delightful.

They need to loosen up a bit.

And I think
this will definitely get them...

It'll get everyone in a better mood.

I am from 365 Recreational Cannabis.

We are infusing some of your dishes today.

So the olive oil
has two milligrams of sativa olive oil.

Because it's such a small amount,
and because it's a sativa,

it's much more of an upper.

You know, laughing,
happy, giggly, talkative.

You picked the perfect day!

You picked the perfect day to be here.

Did you know this already, coming in?

Yeah, no. You... That's amazing.

- All the food can be eaten as is.

If you would like to infuse,
there's a spoon right there.

If you would like more than that,
I'm more than happy to help you.

Yeah.

See you in a couple of hours, guys.

- You're probably gonna pass out.

Where Rabya?

- This is heavenly.

Would you like some more?

- Yes, please.
- Okay.

I wanna be blown away.

- Each drop is a milligram,
so that was three more milligrams.

- I'll have five.

- Five more?
- Yeah.

- Blown away!
- Yeah, so just blow me away.

I'm, I'd like
to feel the same, thank you.

Just absolutely okay with it.

Thank you very much.
- Yes, okay.

- Muzlefa, would you like some more?

Yeah. Muzlefa... See, exactly.

It's a good time.

We're all havin' a good time.

- I'm just thinking, damn,
all this drama the last two days

has got all the girls
getting high right now.

Too bad we didn't have this sh*t day one.

- Would you like more?
- Sure.

- Sure.
- Okay.

- Dose me up.

I'm waiting for this sh*t to kick in.

- Feel free to do that
all the way around the table.

- Okay.

Would we like more?
- Sure.

Wow, Khadija.

- Khadija's gonna be in a happy place too.

At the end of this meal,

you will have consumed 25 milligrams.

- Which isn't that much, actually.

- Twenty-five is a lot, Hamida.

- It looks like
it's already taken over you.

- Rabya's already feelin' it.
- Rabya, you are high.

I am so feeling great.

- You finished all that oil?

- No, it's... Still some there.

- Barely.

- I don't know what's happening.

Is everyone high?

I don't know what's happening.

And I see Rabya next to me,

and she's getting
like four drops in her oil

and she's putting it all over her food.

I'm thinking, "Girl, you 'bout be flying."

- And for you?
- Sure. As many as you'd like.

She goes, trrmp!

- Two, three,
WOMAN: There you go!

Hamida.

I think I'm high.

- h*-h*! Hey!
- Khadija!

So, Muzlefa, I have a question for you.

Obviously, alcohol's prohibited
in the religion and stuff, Islam,

but what about cannabis and THC?

Well, there is an opinion that cannabis,

you're still aware
of what you're doing, is okay.

Like, if you're able to still,
you know, do your prayer without being...

- Not being intoxicated.

Without being intoxicated,
then you're fine.

- But I'm... I'm trying
to understand the scripture.

So everything that cognitively impairs you
that's not mentioned

is a loophole, and we can do it?

I mean, it just sounds idiotic.

No, it means
if you're still cognitively aware,
then you're fine.

- I can still drink wine
and be cognitively aware and pray.

Then do your thing, babe.

Nobody... Who's telling you not to?

- But it's the picking and choosing
and the loopholes

that turns me for a spin.

If it turns you for a spin,
then spin around!

Go for spin.

Go on the merry...
Go on the merry-go-round

and get off where you want!

- To each their own.
- To each their own.

How cute!

That is so adorable.

Hello.

- All aboard.
- Choo-choo.

Sid, Jamila!

- Sonoma!

- Hey, ladies.

Hey.

- Sisters in Sonoma!

With the drama going on
between Shakur and the elders,

I've decided
to separate our activities today

so the elders can go
and enjoy some chocolate,

and they don't drink anyways,

while the Wolf Pack goes
and has some champagne.

Ooh! My God,
I've died and gone to chocolate heaven.

Chocolate happiness.

- All right, ladies.
I hope you like the vibe.

- We do.

- Yeah, I'm gonna
get you guys some champagne.

- Well, I kind of like the fact
that we're... the Wolf Pack is together.

- Me too. It's nice to have us five.

Yeah, it's nice to have us five, and...

- The OG five.
- The OG five?

- Well, how are you feeling, Shakur?

- Cool.

I think when you're with the Wolf Pack,

you're so, like, fun, outgoing.
You're like, "Yeah!"

But then, like,
when it's more than just the Wolf Pack,

you're just like...
- It cramps my style.

Cramps your style?

It does. It does.

It's okay if I take them in micro-doses

when we're out and about, that's cool.

But, like, all the time at one time,

it just becomes too much.

I'm happy to get this alone time
with the Wolf Pack right now.

Especially because I have some news
I wanna share with them,

and I don't want the judgment
of the elders.

- Cheers, ladies.
- Cheers!

- Thank you.

- To the OG Wolf pack.
- To the OG Wolf pack.

Okay, so since I have
you guys together now...

Jay, you know he wanted a wedding,

and I was like,
"No, I don't wanna have a wedding."

So he really wants to do a vow renewal.

And I told him I would like to do
some marriage counseling

and see how that goes,

and then think about
doing the vow renewal.

So we actually did
marriage counseling, and...

- You guys did?
- Yes.

- Good.
- Wow.

- It was just recently, actually.
It wasn't too long ago.

And I plan on
seeing Dr. Ally again with him,

and keep working on it.

And keep just working on the techniques
and the tools that she gave us.

Just, you know, even small things.

Like, the smallest things
make the difference.

- I'm very excited to hear that
she wants to renew her vows with Josh.

I think it's a beautiful thing.

And they deserve it.

I want to see my sister happy.

However, they both need to commit
to doing therapy for long-term,

especially with this many people involved
in the relationship.

- So I told him, "Okay,
since we're on this path of doing that,

then, yeah, we can do a vow renewal."

Which means, like,
a white dress and the tux.

- And I'm your maid of honor.
- So a wedding.

So it's a wedding.

- I just wanna know
when this is all happening.

- So this will be after the fundraiser.

- Okay. Like, how soon
after the fundraiser?

- I mean, probably shhh... shortly after.

Like... Like a split second after.

- All right.
- Do you have a wedding planner?

I hope you have a wedding planner.
- No, girl. You know me.

- So who's gonna be there?

- So Jay...
- Both y'all have no friends.

- I know who's doing your tents.
I know who's doing the tents.

- That's another thing, right?

And I'm like, "I don't have friends."
- Indoor or outdoors?

- I literally can count the amount
of people that I would have on this hand.

- So are you going to write your vows?

- Yes, I would like that.

I'm honestly just taking it
one day at a time.

- It's really good
to see Shakur in better spirits.

And I'm feeling like
maybe it's not too late for me

to share my pregnancy
and miscarriage secret with the sisters.

You know,
Hamida was able to speak her truth.

And I'm thinking maybe
it's time for me to do the same.

- Well, cheers to Shakur.

- Thank you.

- Woo! So excited for you!
- This is surreal.

- This is our final dinner
on our sister trip,

and I don't want this trip
to come to an end.

I feel like we just started to have fun
and enjoy ourselves.

But I'm looking forward
to this dinner with my sisters.

- Hi, ladies.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Cute! We'll go around this way.

Hi, ladies.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Did you miss us?

- No, Hamida missed me.

- Of course, I missed you, Muzzie.

Can I ask... Do you also have anything,

- non-alcoholic for beverages?
- Yes.

- That balsamic vinegar is wow.
- I'm taking this balsamic vinegar home.

- I loved, um...
I... I only eat the middle of bread.

Who else only eats
the middle of the bread?

- Me.
- Me! Me, look.

- Look what she left me.

Hey, how are you doing?

So dumb.

- Tonight's our last dinner in Sonoma,

and either I tell them about my secret
or I don't.

But one way or another,

everyone's gonna find out
when they see the show.

And I'd rather the sisters who don't know,
they hear it directly from me.

So I'm just gonna
have to find a time at dinner tonight

just to tell 'em.

- Has everybody had
a good time so far in Sonoma?

- I had a great time.
- I sure have.

- I really enjoyed today's brunch.

Who's feeling the micro-dosing?

- I didn't feel anything.

No, Khadija,
I know you're definitely feeling.

Khadija, you are
definitely feeling it, girl.

I felt it a little bit, but that was it.

Doesn't Khadija fight it?

Okay.

Sneaks up on you. Woo!

Well, it's nice
to see you guys all laughing and giggly

and this and that and yippy-yap.

Chippity-chap.

Well...

I'm glad we're all micro-dosed up.

I thought you were gonna say,
"Well, and about the fundraiser..."

- No.
- Wait... Wait, she's getting there.

- This is... This is, um...

This is a little more
heavyhearted for me, um...

But you know what?

At some point, this is gonna come out,

so I should be the one to tell you.

I don't wanna be judged.

And some of us already know.

So Khadija, Muzzie,

and Sid...

This is harder than I thought.

I got pregnant earlier this year.

And had every intention
of going through the pregnancy and...

Um, but unfortunately,
I ended up having a miscarriage.

I've had support
from the sisters who have known.

Um, it's not gonna hinder my journey

and my wanting to have a family someday.

You know?

I never expected me
to be in a position that I was in.

You know, I went through the pain,

the mental anguish.

So it feels a lot better
just to be able to come out and say it

to everyone face-to-face.

That's it.

- Why did you feel that
you couldn't share it with either of us?

- To me, in my head,
just the way we were raised,

I feel like that's the ultimate sin
that someone could do

outside of committing m*rder.

I'm sad that she didn't come to me.

I want Jamila to know
that I won't judge her,

and that I'm here for her.

And if anybody knows
what she's gone through, I do

because I've had a miscarriage.

Even though your body heals,

it takes a long time
for your heart to heal.

And you never forget.

Potato, potahto.

- Well, we were raised in fear.

We... We were raised
to believe in Islam in fear.

- I'm not here to talk about religion.
I was just scared, you know?

And it was... You're being rude.

- No, we're talking about something else.
Just about something else.

- I'm having a really serious conversation
talking about...

- No, she mentioned something
to me, Jamila.
- So selfish.

- It was a comment...
- You're being selfish.

- Babe, it was...
- No, that's just
ultimate disrespect right there.

- I wasn't the only one
that made a comment, love.

- Please stop.
- I'm only listening to you speak.

What have I done?

- You're having a side conversation
when she's making a big announcement,

and it's disrespectful.

- Okay, I shouldn't have
responded to Shakur.

- No, you made a laugh,
and I said, "Don't be disrespectful."

That's all I said to you.

- It was about something
completely different.

Why would you be having a side comment?

- Well, I didn't mean it that way. I was...
- You did. That was intentional.

- Was that not intentional?
- Okay, let's move forward.

I didn't mean it like that.

- Honestly, this whole dinner
wasn't about my, "woe is me,"

this is my issue.

I know you don't give two.
That's fine.

Be careless and, you know, off.

- Jamila, honestly...
- I don't wanna have a con...

- Don't talk to me.
- Okay.

Stop, Siddiqa.
Your fakeness is really making...

It's... It's boiling my soul right now.

- Okay, I'm sorry, Jamila.

My ears are yours.
- I don't wanna talk about it anymore.

I just wanted it off my chest,
now it's done.

I'm never bringing it up again.

And you don't have to, babe.

I'm hurt. I'm upset.

All my emotions that
I've just spent months getting over,

I feel like they're all coming back to me.

What I'm saying
is just not being received

or taken seriously.

It just makes me regret
even saying anything.

- You just wanna attack me, Jamila,

'cause my reaction wasn't what you wanted.
- Stop barking.

- Let's just stop, guys...

I'm sorry
it wasn't what you wanted, babe.

That's just me.
- Where... Where's your volume control?

Does she have a volume control?

Fine. Why is she getting mad
at everybody but only me?

- You guys are making a mockery
out of people's pain.

It's crazy to me.

- I didn't know
you were in pain right now.

- I know but, like, the...
It's like making a mockery.

- Jamila!

We have literally started
a life-changing journey together.

Having babies. Freezing our eggs.

You don't think to tell me any of this?

I just feel kind of betrayed.

I just feel like
she expects a different reaction from me.

Honestly, I don't give two
about her opinion.

- What more can I give you
besides my ears?

- Stop talking, for the love of God!
- See?

- Walk away.

- I don't need to walk away.
I'm having a good time.

Why should I walk away?

- What more can I give you
besides my ears?

- Stop talking, for the love of God!
- See?

Stop talking.

- Think she'll be back?

- Yeah, I'm done, girl.
I'm gonna sit, chill.

Where's Jamila?

She just gonna be gone?

- She's being...
- She's just being Jamila.

If you don't give her
the reaction that she wants,

then that's how she acts.

I don't know.

- No, I don't agree
on this one with you, Sid. I don't.

- Babe, I apologized and I made a joke.

She made a joke. We let it go.

- I still feel like your attention
should've been there the entire time.

- If you're not understanding,

it took her a lot of courage
to say what she said.

- She took accountability.
- Thank you.

- And she said sorry.
- Thank you.

She only said the words "I'm sorry"

'cause I told her,
"Siddiqa, say I'm sorry."

- Muzlefa, is that why?
- No, that wasn't the reason why.

- Were you really sorry though?
- Of course, I was.

For the future,

when a sister is making
any type of announcement,

focus on that sister
and shower her with love.

Period.

No sidebars,
no laugh, no joke, no anything.

- Fine, I'll have a conversation with her
on the side when time is right.

She doesn't wanna talk right now.

And that's what it is.

I don't always give the reaction that...

- Just approach it
with compassion next time.

- Of course.

- She did go through a real loss.
- Give her some compassion.

- Sure, I will. Absolutely.
- She's hurt.

- I would... I would think,
if there's anyone in the world

who should give me love,

- it'd be my sister.
- Noor, drop it.

Sidd said she's gonna handle it,

she's gonna handle her with compassion,

then just leave it at that.

Okay, I'm gonna go check on her,
see where she's at right now, so.

Okay.

Regardless of all the...
The drama between my sisters and I,

my only concern right now
is making sure Jamila's okay mentally,

and that she feels loved and safe
and, you know, secure right now.

- Like, who are you to say anything?

Like, let me just... come out.

And, you know, this is why
I don't tell you these things as well.

This is why I don't wanna
ever share a secret with you

'cause you don't have
compassion whatsoever.

I can tolerate a lot of sh*t.
- I get it.

- Her energy in that moment,

just everything about her was literally,

it was angering my soul, Shakur.
- Listen, you...

- That... That...
That hit a different level of hurt in me.

- I get it. You have the right.

- And this is not a laughing matter.
- No, it's not.

- She's more mad about probably the fact
that I didn't tell her right away,

versus her finding out now
with me telling the rest of the group.

- You have the right to feel how you feel.

You have the right.
Your feelings are valid.

- To me, the way I was receiving it,
it was painful for me to hear.

- Yeah, that's what you need to do
in that moment.

And you wanna walk away.
Sometimes it's honestly best to walk away.

- It's true. Because nothing good
would come out of my mouth.

I'm just not gonna talk about it.

I definitely don't wanna talk
about it anymore tonight.

- Okay, you got it. You got it.

- Just gotta get back to LA.
- I know.

But I thought as we grew older,

these sort of things would stop.

- Not all of... Not everybody matures.

Not everybody grows up.

Next time on
Secrets & Sisterhood...

- I invited the Wolf Pack today
to get matching tattoos.

- So I've never had a tattoo.

I know you have a tattoo.

- On my fairy.

- Hasn't been verified.
- Hasn't been verified?

- You wanna see my twat?

- Let's do it.
- Yup.

- I'm a little nervous, okay?

- I don't care if you guys are mad at me.
I'm not doing it.

What?

I want you guys to know that...

I'm always there

without judgment

to love and support you
through everything.

Two, three.

Look at the camera.

- Wolf Pack, where you at?

- Elders, where you at?

- I'm ashamed for you.

- You be ashamed of yourself.
- I'm ashamed for you.

- Bye.
- You're disgusting.

- No, you're disgusting.
- Don't ever speak family.

- You're useless!
You couldn't get the bags done!

You did nothing!
- They're coming Saturday!

You don't even have them!

- They're coming Saturday.
- Get out of my face!

I don't wanna hear
from anyone else's mouth.

Do not say a word!

- Shame on all of you!

God.