01x06 - Episode 6

[bunniefuu]

The following program me contains

strong language, adult themes

and adult humour.

Do you ever feel like you're

the worst person in the world?

I tell you Ron, we're gonna have

to find this brother of his.

Jesus! Christ! I'm Sue.

So, Glen was telling me that

you run the family business.

You're my brother. So, whatever

it is I'll, I'll help you.

Just as long as it's

not money, obviously.

Every penny we've got

goes to the wedding fund.

You just gotta keep your eyes open

alright, for geezers driving about

in blacked out motors with

tattoos on their faces.

Glen, we are celebrating!

Check the Savings Account.

What?!

Thanks Trish. Best

chips in town these!

I know.

I'll shout when your

donuts is ready.

Great! Enjoy.

Yeah, will do Trish. Thank you.

It's not Trish. Sorry?

It's not Trish.

It's Julie.

That's just for

marketing purposes.

Oh.

Right, OK.

Great, well thank you.

You won't believe what

Trish has just told me

Kirsty, I, I'm sorry but I do

think we need to call the bank.

Oh, for goodness sake, I've

told you, look it's an app,

it'll be a glitch!

Yeah but what if it's not, Kirst?

We're meant to be celebrating, Glen!

Kirst but what if it's, what

if it's, you know, 'fraud'

like 'bank fraud'? Or Well,

it's not gonna be that is it?

You know Just

shush and eat a chip.

or a scam? Like e-mail scams,

you know, or something like that,

I mean I don't, I don't

What?

Call the bank, Glen. But why?

Call the bank! But why?

Call the f*cking bank.

I am doing! But why?!

OK, there was an

e-mail from the bank.

But then when I looked again, it

wasn't from the bank, it was like,

all spelt wrong. Kirsty.

Did you click a link?

No! I don't think so.

Did you click a link

Kirsty? No, I don't know.

Did you click a link

Kirsty? Did I click a link?

Think Kirsty. Did you click a

link? I don't know. I don't know

Did you click it? I don't

In your own words,

what is the nature of your

call? I've clicked a link!

I'm sorry. I

didn't quite catch that

Hold the star key! I

saw it on the One show!

Yep, yep, alright. f*ck! Oh

my god, won't it be alright?

They'll sort it, won't they?

They'll sort it out, will they,

will they sort it?!

Kirst breathe, Kirsty,

Kirsty, breathe. OK,

yeah! Oh sh*t! No!

The passwords, Glen?! For

the bank! We don't know them!

I don't know them!

Do you know them?

I don't know. I don't know,

I mean It's alright,

we'll talk to

them.OK. And I'm sure,

I'm sure that

they will Yeah.

be able to erm

Actually y'know what

Kirsty, just drive.

What? Yeah, just go.

The passwords are at home. Let's

go. But we haven't got our

Nah, just drive Kirsty.OK. Drive.

Just drive Kirsty! OK I'm

Oi! Come and get your donuts?!

Sorry Trish! f*ck!

Julie, sorry Julie!

Go go faster, go faster

Kirsty! What? What's going on?

Faster, er, erm

Hello there! You're

speaking to Jonathan.

Whom I speaking to? Hi,

it's Glen, Glen Campbell.

Do you mind if I call you Glen?

No, that's completely fine.

f*ck! Can I start by

taking your account number?

Glen, what's going

on?! Yeah, Kirsty.

I didn't want to tell you

this. But it's about Lee.

There're men looking

for him. Bad men.

What? And that's who's

behind us? It might be, yeah.

Are we ready with the number?

Well, what do they want Lee for?

Well I don't know Kirsty, they're,

they're bad men aren't they

so I mean like

What, k*ll him?!

Well, I don't know the details!

If you don't have

your details to hand,

your personal banking PIN will

do. Go left Kirsty, go left!

Where? Here!

What the f*ck Glen?!

Why didn't you tell me?! I

didn't want to panic you, did I!

Oh brilliant, well that's

panned out really well, yeah!

I'll just pop you on hold.

Glen. Brace.BEETHOVEN:

♪ Symphony No. 9 in D minor ♪

Hello?

Oh sh*t!

Oh shush, Glen. We've

all seen Top Gear.

Hello?

Lee! Lee! LEE!

Fraud squad! Fraud team! We need the

Fraud Squad. Whatever you call them!

Yes, yes, no I, I

do understand

but you'll still need

to give me the pass

Yes Jonathan! The passwords,

yes. I'm just looking for them!

He's not here. He's not

answering his phone.

Pick up, Lee but I'll

still need to get the pass

Glen, where's the

thing? Kirst your shoes!

What thing? The thing! The can!

The fake bean can, the bean can,

the can! Under the sink!

Where it always is

NO! It's not there! It's not

Symphony No.

9 in D minor CONCLUDES

Hello?! I really

do need the er

Call the police! I've called

911 because of movies!

Oh!

Oh!

Um Oh! Lee's not here!

Whatever it is you

want, he's not

Is that you, Glen?

Oh Glen, no.

Hello Uncle Ron.

All my bags are packed,

I'm ready to go

Standing here

outside your door

♪ I hate to wake you

up to say goodbye ♪

He's f*cked

us. Your brother.

Taken everything we've got.

The haulage business was

losing money unbeknownst to us.

Lee's kept it secret

and tried to fix it.

Got deeper and deeper

in debt until

bang.

All gone t*ts up.

The firm was everything Glen. That's

our savings, pensions, our futures.

Our business! That me

and your dad started.

That your dad

passed down to Lee.

And

now, that's all

If he'd just told us. If

he'd asked us, we could've

But he didn't

because it's all front

with your brother!

Plays the big man but when

times get hard, he runs off.

Yeah!

Could I trouble you for another

one of those wafer biscuits?

Absolutely, yeah.

How did you find me?

Er, you're on LinkedIn Glen. It

doesn't take a f*cking genius.

You can't treat people like

that. People who love you.

I know the money's not

coming back, I know that!

He needs to look

me in the eye

and understand all

the f*cking pain.

It's alright mate.

He owes me that much.

So erm, when's he getting back?

Kiss me and smile for me

Tell me that

you'll wait for me

Hold me like you'll

never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving

on a jet plane

♪ Don't know when ♪

He's taken

everything. Yeah.

Oh. It's just Mum.

That's a lovely

warm welcome, innit.

Now listen Sue.

We're in the middle of

something. Ex-cuse me?!

Mother! Have you

called the police?

No. What's the point?

By the time it takes the old

Bill to get their heads round it,

he'll be halfway

to Torremolinos.

With our wedding

fund.

Sorry. It was just erm.

f*ck!

.

Hello?!

Who am I, the ghost of

f*cking Christmas past?!

Yes, we can hear you mother! Sue!

Something's happened, alright.

It's erm, my brother Lee. He,

he was staying here with us.

You don't say.

Now, I know he's

your flesh and blood,

but I can't lie Glen, the

bloke's a f*cking melt.

What? Wait, you've seen him?

Seen him? Oh yeah,

I've taken two buses

and a 40-minute trek

down the dual carriageway

just because of that f*cking prick!

What, where, where, where is he?

Sue, Sue it's important.

f*cked if I know?!

Right. He dumped me and

that g*y fella on the A12

after he naffed off with

my Samsung Galaxy. But

Wait! Mum, you left

your phone with him?

I didn't leave it with him, he

nicked off with it, didn't he!

OK. I put Find my

Friends on Mum's phone,

when we thought she

was stealing our ham!

Yeah, yeah. SUE:

You f*cking what?

Do you mind, mum?? This

actually is not about you!

Oh right, OK.

I'll sort meself out for a

drink then shall I? Excuse me.

Where is he?

Oh sorry. I'd say

he's in Stanstead by now.

Costa Del Sol's Luton. Well,

I seem to remember using

Stansted in the past. No!

He's not at the airport!

Where, where, where is he Kirst?

He's in Dagenham? Dag? Dagenham?

What the f*ck's he doing

with 15 grand in Dagenham?

He ain't got 15 grand.

He left this behind. f*cked off.

Big freaky look on his face!

Fancy talking to me now, do you?

Is that all of it??

Minus 50 quid

for my trouble.

Hang on, hang on, no

Wait a second.

Isn't Dagenham where

their Dad erm

In Oh f*ck! Oh!

Glen?

♪ Rhinestone Cowboy ♪

I've been walkin'

these streets so long

Singin' the same old song

I know every

crack in these dirty

Sidewalks of Broadway

Where hustle's

the name of the game

And nice guys get washed

away like the snow in the rain

There's been a

load of compromising

On the road to my horizon

But I'm gonna be where

the lights are shinin' on me

♪ Like a rhinestone cowboy ♪

♪ Like a rhinestone cowboy ♪

♪ Per un

pugno di dollari ♪

It's alright Kirst. You

stay there, I know where he'll be.

Wait, wait. Glen, Glen.

Like a Rhinestone Cowboy

Getting cards and letters

From people I don't even know

And offers comin' over the

phone

♪ Like a ♪

How could you?

After I welcomed you back.

That's Oh.

So what, you just

gonna f*ck off, yeah?

Stay here for the night and then

er, what just drive away, f*ck off?

Run away like you always do?

Somethin' like that.

I should've known.

You

you are a selfish piece of sh*t.

No, no.

Honestly, I don't know how you

can f*cking live with yourself!

What are you-you are

f*cking kidding me.

No, no, no leave

it! No. f*cking

No! Don't!

You don't get to

No! You do not get to do

this you selfish twat!

Who the f*ck are you

to tell me what I get to do?!

Questioning me? You haven't got

a clue! The f*cking pressure!

The f*cking

Do you want to talk

about it, or

You've been a baby

your whole life!

No responsibilities.

Protected from everything.

No responsibility?

Mum shielded you from it all!

Except the responsibility

of looking after her.

Oh, here we go. Trump card.

Yeah. You left Lee!

You left her all-all alone.

Through her illness,

through everything.

Where were you

through that bit, eh?

When she got sick and I had

to I had to look after her!

Where, where were

you through that?

Oh yeah, that's it, I remember,

out, off your head on f*cking

pingers!

I don't know the terminology

do I. I was grieving my Dad!

Oh sure. You have no f*cking idea

what it was like for me when he died!

I've been trying to live

up to him my whole life!

Trying to be the big man!

Do you think

I wanted that?!

I just wanted one chance

just to make him

all I ever wanted

was to make him

Proud?

Yeah.

I reckon it's a bit

late for that, ain't it?

Ron and the boys,

told us everything.

No more secrets. Alright?

Yeah.

It's all out in the

open. It's just

we'll try and sort this mess

out, whatever that looks like.

It's over.

Yeah?

Yeah.

It's over.

It's fine Kirst!

He's gonna

everything's gonna be alright.

He's just

Lee?

Lee?

Lee? Lee!

Lee!

It's a bloody gas tank!

Il Silenzio

♪ Vale Piu Delle Parole ♪

Il silenzio vale

piu delle parole

Ma negli occhi

tuoi

♪ Sta morendo ♪

Ha, it's f*cking empty!

Oh my god!

Tonight Matthew,

I am going to be

Bunny!

Can't even

f*cking get that right!

Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, come out and

we can, we can go home and we,

we can erm, well I don't know what

but I'm sure that we'll all

Oh, for f*ck's sake,

he's gonna flambe himself!

No, no, no, don't do that!

Right, to be honest Lee, I think

it'd just burn your hair off but

f*ck off!

Glen What?

No. Stay back!

Just. Just-just put it down, Lee.

f*ck off! Leave me alone!

No, no I won't do

that, actually.

Go! I'm sh*t!

No, you're not sh*t.

You're well yeah alright,

actually you are a bit sh*t

but, but, but y'know, we're

all sh*t. Aren't we? Ey?

Glen?

Here.

Lee?

Look at me then, you prawn.

♪ Movin On Up ♪

Ey?

Come on (SPOONS

It's your bit, remember?

Come on, come on.

You gonna dance or what?

I can't do it without you Lee.

..you broke my heart

There's no way back

..Move right outta here baby

Go on pack your bags

Just who do you think you are?

Stop acting like some

kinda star.. ♪That's it.

I won't lie. I

did not expect this.

Alright, yeah, that's it.

..Take it like a man

baby if that's what you are

'Cause I'm moving on up

You're moving on out

Moving on up

Nothing can stop me

I'm moving on up

♪ You're moving on out ♪

Why didn't you just leave me?

Cause I love you,

don't I you twat.

You stupid bloody massive twat.

Come on. No.

What? Dad.

Leave it mate! LEE: He's

all over the f*cking dashboard!

We can come back

with a f*cking hoover.

Will we f*ck!

Lee, please, come on. No!

Come on! What kind of a son

would I be if I left him!?

In the middle of

a f*cking factory!

Lee!

That's not yer Dad!

You what?

Your Dad's not dead!

Your Dad, your

Your Dad's in f*cking Tenerife.

For f*ck sake!

♪ El Cumbanchero ♪

I'm sorry, Tenerife?

He's running

a jerk chicken place

in Playa de Las Americas.

Your Mum made me swear

I'd never tell you.

Ah well.

Sorry Jaqui.

Jerk chicken?

Yeah it's,

it's similar to Piri-Piri,

just not quite as spicy.

Honestly, just talk normal.

She's not gonna wake up.

Are you mum?

See.

But what about the

Ashes? Well sure.

Only your Mum was best mates

with Jeff Gardner who had a

what-do you-call-it?

Pet crematorium.

What so it's a f*cking

labrador Well

Not necessarily.

Could've been a large cat

or maybe a baby donkey.

Oh, it's Roger next door.

Just ignore him.

Listen, I know

you've had a hard day of it.

What with all this and the bit

when you tried to top yourself,

twice.

I understand there are mental

issues in here and all that,

but at the end of the day we're all

out of a job unless things get fixed.

This is a big mess

to clean up, Lee.

And you, you are the

man who wields the mop.

Alright Bun.

No, no, Tel, he's right.

What I've done it's er

all them f*cking years,

trying to live up to dad

and it turns out

He left Mum with two kids and

opened a jerk chicken shop?

Yeah

All the same we'll expect

you first thing Monday morning yeah.

I know you're in there!

Move these ruddy

cars off my drive!

What if I had visitors?!

I'm just gonna go and have

one of these.

Alright, well, thanks

be the f*ck that's all sorted.

Hang on.

No but, look at him

surely we can't Glen,

if he doesn't come back,

we don't have a chance of

getting this sorted, like.

There's no alternative.

Well

what if the company were to

accept a Bridging Loan of say

I dunno like, of

just over 15,000 or

Kirsty! No! She means

the wedding money.

It's the right thing to do love.

Kirst, we can't just give away

all We're not giving it away.

They'll make it back in like

yeah, I mean it will

take, years. But

You don't want to get

married? That's what it is!

No, that's not what

it is. Of course not.

I think, maybe just the idea

like, took over a little bit.

And, well maybe a bit more like

focussed on that than we were on us?

And we're so much

better now, aren't we?

And I'm so glad.

But yeah, if it means just delaying

the wedding a little bit then

that is what I

think we should do.

If you agree?

If that's what you want, yeah.

Open up immediately!

I shan't ask again!

Roger, we're having a bit

of a, we've had a family I

don't give a tuppenny toss, son!

Glen.

Alright, Roger!

Love, that's your wedding?

You want to

watch your tone chum!

Didn't your mother

teach you any manners!

Actually, sorry, can I just get my

cagoule please, I'm just gonna

Yeah.

W-W-Why?

No, nothing, just er, won't

be a minute, I'll er

yeah. Glen

Bring it, c**t!

Morning!

Oh!

Stinky old man!

Where will you go?

Don't worry about me

mate, I'll be fine.

Well

It's been Yeah.

I just wanna say something.

It's important that you don't

respond OK, don't respond,

just erm acknowledge

it, give me a nod.

I er

I love ya.

You big nonce!

You alright?

Yeah, yeah yeah.

It's for the best

though, eh love?

Hmm, hm, you're

right, yeah, yeah.

Well. Shall we go inside,

put the kettle on.

Ooh we can catch the

last bit of f*ck!

Lee! Ba ba ba ba ba

Wait! Ba ba ba ba

Ba ba ba ba ba ba

ba ba ba ba ba ba

Ba ba ba ba ba

ba

..Ba ba ba ba ba ba

ba ba ba ba ba ba ba

Ba ba ba ba baaaa

Actually

I still Oh Christ

I'm unfit hmmm.

You can't go just yet.

We've got business.

Hey? Got family business.

Glen. I need you

to stay, alright,

because

I want to find Dad.

I want to find dad and I want to

punch him in the f*cking face!

Sleep like a baby Shut

up and reverse you sh*t!

Kirst!

My little lady

Kirsty!

He's gonna stay

Kirst! He said Oh?

Oh, f*ck me!

We're gonna find Dad!

We're gonna find

Oh, that's great!

Yeah, yeah. Innit? I know!

Oh yeah yeah.

You sure? Yeah of course!

Right!

..Turns on the day

In the Avenues and Alleyways

While you sleep there's

a whole world coming alive

Abel and his brother,

Fighting one another

In and out of every dive

The Avenues and Alleyways

Where the strong and the

quick alone can survive

Look around the jungle

see the rough and tumble

♪ Listen to a squealer cry ♪