01x05 - I Can Change

[bunniefuu]

- Oh, thank f*ck!

I thought ice cream vans were
for drug dealers and perverts.

Bit sexist, Jackie.

We could be both.

Okay, you two,
don't get arrested now, yeah?

- See you.
- Thank you!

I'm sorry I dragged you
into this.

I just wanted to meet him.

Look, there is one other
place we could try.

I know he used to gig
there a lot.

I don't think I want
to get my hopes up.

Yeah, you've been here
two minutes

and we've already beat
the hope outta you?

Come on!

You've come this far.

Sure, what harm?

Go! Go on! Go!

You're going to have
to keep me awake.

- I haven't slept.
- We can play 20 questions!

I'll DJ!

I booked us a fancy hotel
in Carlingford.

Ah!

Oh, come on!

Oh, my God!
We're here already?

That was so quick.

- Thank God they have a bath.
- You can have a bath.

- Jesus f*cking Christ.
- Oh, my God!

: Surprise!

Oh my God!

: What are you doing here?

- How's my girl?
- Oh, isn't he handsome, Suzi?

And you must be Suze.

Going in, going in.
Is it okay if I go in, sis?

Straight in there
for the huggathon!

The resemblance is uncanny.

And you could be their sister!

Oh, Steven!

How are you here?

Well, I was worried about you,

so I booked the next
available flight.

Isn't it romantic, Suzi?

Sheryl here was
Thelma to my Louise.

We wanted to keep
the whole thing a surprise,

so I tracked you on
Find my Phone.

We were heading to Galway,

but then I saw you were
on the move, so I...

This part is so clever.

: Checked your
credit card!

Wow, that's not creepy at all.

Ladies, drinks?
Come on. Sit down.

- Sit down. Barkeep!
- Whiskey!

- Can I get two whiskeys?
- Yeah.

And a sparkling water
for the little lady.

And I will have... Hmm...

What do I want?
What do Irish people drink?

Oh! I'll have a Guinness!
Gotta be five o'clock somewhere!

It's 5:30.

Steven just told me
he's going to be a father!

- Oh, Suzi did you know?
- No! I didn't tell her.

Surprise! You're going
to be an auntie!

You know, I...

I think I might need
to lie down.

- Oh, that'll be the baby.
- Oh, it's not a baby.

- It's a fetus.
- Oh, no... Wait, wait, wait!

"This week, your baby
is the size of a kumquat."

I love this app!

I really am so, so tired.

Oh! All over it.
I've upgraded you guys
and booked us a suite.

- Aww!
- So nice to have a man

looking after us,
isn't it, Suzi?

Aw, it's lovely.

- Mm-hm.
- Mm-hm.

- So good to see you, baby.
- You, too.

Maybe it's still
morning sickness?

Like, totally normal. 85 %
of women experience it.

But we're nearly
in a new trimester, baby!

Though one percent of women
do go on to have

Hyperemesis Gravidarum, HG,

where you're just dangerously
sick the whole time.

But that's not going
to be you, honey.

Open notes: Call Dr. Budlovsky
about safe antinausea. Period.

We can cancel dinner
if you're not feeling good.

I booked us in at 7:00,
that's in 15 minutes.

I just thought everybody
would be hungry.

No. Dinner sounds great.

Oh, I brought you
your fluffies.

I know you hate
sleeping without them.

I'm going to order more pillows.

These are simply not
going to do the job.

Ahh, this is what
it must be like to be rich.

Well, you came prepared.

Well, it's probably 30 Euro
for a bottle of wine downstairs.

Ridiculous.

And I'm joined by three...

Ah, Suzi, would you
look at it?

How do you feel about
the lack of Scots?

Better not say too much
'cause I think it's a problem,

but I'm a bit disappointed
with the selection.

That's funny, isn't it?
We're live...

- Mum.
- What?

What's going on?

Can't I just enjoy
myself for once?

You don't go to
Lidl without Deryl.

Suzie, you don't get
to have all the fun.

Suzie, they have
the loveliest little buffet
up there at the bar.

- Oh, Mam, they're for...
- What?

Nothing.

Give us one of those olives.

I always steal the bar
garnishes myself!

I won't tell.
Ladies, my name is Phelim,

and I'll be looking
after you this evening.

- What can I get you to drink?
- Oh!

Aa bottle of white wine,
please, Phelim.

Certainly, madam.
We have Pinot Grigio,
Sauvignon or Chardonnay.

The house is fine.

Ah.

What a charming man!

Deryl's been arrested.

Lovely.

What?

Lovely.

Oh, that's lovely.

Hey! Are we okay?
Is it okay that I'm here?

- 'Cause you're acting a little...
- A little what?

Distant, or something.

Sorry, that's not
a criticism, it's just...

No, God. No.
I'm sorry, Steve.

No, I'm... Oh, I'm so happy
you're here.

It's just the...
sweetest surprise!

Ever. Mwah!
No, I'm just, um...

- God, I'm just so tired!
- Of course you are.

- And that's okay.
- Okay.

- Sare.
- Mm-hmm?

- We're gonna find him.
- Yeah.

That baby is going
to have his, or hopefully her,
Irish grandfather.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Ah, it's the love birds!

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Oh, I got that.
- Oh, thank you.

- You both look lovely.
- Okay.

- Ah, Steven.
- Oh! She's fine.

But I will have some.

I'd like to raise a toast!

No! It's bad luck
to toast with water.

We'll get you a Guinness. It's
good for the baby, the iron.

I drank it every day with Suzie.

- To our new family!

And to new life!

Yes! To our new little family.

Yay!

Mmm...

- I need the toilet.
- Yeah, me, too.

Okay! I got it!
You could hit me with the van.

Just gently.
We go to the hospital,
say it was a miscarriage.

Or I could fall down
the hotel stairs?

- Yeah.
- Say the bleeding just started.

Or I could jump off a cliff.

You know there's only
one way out of this.

Maybe you could tell him?
He likes you.

Hurry up.
I need to go, too.

Yeah. Ever since
I got pregnant,

I just need to pee all the time.

You are not pregnant!

You had an ab*rtion.
All over the front seat.

Young love.

It's so lovely
looking at you two.

It's too bad nothing
worked out for Suzie.

I'd have loved to be
a grandmother,

but it's too late now.

Child would probably
be deformed at this rate.

- Age of her.
- Mam, you don't say that.

- What?
- Oh. Double tequila.

And another bottle
of wine, Phelim!

Yes, let's have
the chardonnay this time.

The French, not the American.

So, when are you two due?

- Valentine's Day!
- Oh, that is so lovely!

I've been working
on our birth plan.

Oh! Would you go away
out of that birth plan.

I had to walk to hospital on
my own when I went into labour.

Waters broke all over
my new shoes.

72 hours in labour!

Broke my pelvis in three places.

When I finally saw her little,
squished red face

looking up at me,
the first thing I said
to the midwife was,

"God, she's ugly!"

- Women are so brave.
- Do you know, on the radio

last week they were saying
that women are booking

a caesarean between
the blow dry and the manicure.

Have you ever heard the like?

If you want to book in,
that's still on the table.

- Well, sure Mary had Jesus

in the stable
and he turned out all right.

Science has come
a long way since then.

Ai, sure that's
the world gone mad.

I would like to make
another toast.

There is no baby!

Sorry.

I lost the baby.

Just now?

- In the toilet?
- What? No!

No, I... it...
the baby, the...

It stopped. The... Stopped...

The, uh, I stopped the baby.
I, uh, it... I aborted it.

Uh, ah, ab*rtion.

Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

- Is this a joke?
- No.

What are you talking about?
What's she saying?

Steve...

Steve?

Steve?

Ladies, are you ready
to order your mains?

The gentleman
is taking care of it.

Oh!

I'll have the Lobster Thermidor.

Steve.

Steve.

Steve, come on!
Open the door.

Steve, please, open the door!

I know you can hear me.

How did you even get
an ab*rtion in Ireland?

I did it before I left.

So, you've been lying
to me this whole time?

- Yeah.
- You lying... b*tch!

I know. I'm a lying c**t.

Oh, my God!
Don't use that word.

Why would you do this to me?

I didn't want to have kids
in the first place

and I told you that
over and over.

And then, when I got pregnant,
I wanted to talk options,

but you wouldn't listen.

You were just so excited and...

I just didn't want you
to have any regrets.

Everyone wants kids.

I don't think that I do.

Steve?

Steve!

Thank you very much.

- Woo!
- Right, come on.

Deryl. Arrested?

They've taken him in.
The guards.

He was drunk as a skunk!

Funny, isn't it.

It's when people want a baby,
they call it a baby,

but when they want to get rid
of it, they call it a fetus.

- Focus!
- Well, that's it, really.

There isn't much more to say.

Well, I told him.

Yeah, you told
the whole hotel.

Everyone's like,
"Oh, I want a baby.

I want a baby."
But it's not a baby, is it?

It's a person.

And I just, like, didn't want
to have this thing,

you know, that's gonna grow up
to have a miserable job

and be depressed and have
to watch me die,

only to develop
some new type of cancer

while baking in a nuclear
wasteland where people

are k*lling each other
over half a cup of water,

just to eventually
die themselves

in an earthquake or a flood.

How can there be a flood
if everyone's k*lling each other

for a cup of water?

Sorry. I hear ya.

No, it's a good point.

I mean, look at you. You don't
have kids and you're...

you're amazing!

The wheels are coming
off in here.

Oh... oh, Jesus!

Okay. Party's over.

No, Susie.
I want to sing!

- Ah!
- Jesus Christ!

We need to get you to bed.

Another drink is what I need!

With a side of Phelim!!

What room are you?

: Oh, Jesus!

It's okay!
Happens to me all the time.

- Oh, Mam!
- Oh, ancient rain!

I'm a stupid woman.

A stupid, stupid woman.

Oh! And I was a terrible mother.

No.

You did the best you could
with what you knew at the time.

No!

I was terrible.

My Suzi. She's the best thing

that ever happened to me
in my whole life.

She's the only thing
and I just...

I love her so much.

And I want her to be happy.

Do you think she's happy, Sare?

Oh, I thought you were Sare.

You must think I'm some idiot.

No.

You want different things.

It sucks.

Would you look at her,
so strong.

Never settled for anything
less than she deserved.

You're like that.

Wasn't good enough,
so you walked away.

He tried to k*ll me, Suzi.

Pointed a kitchen knife
at me, shouting mad stuff.

I just ran out of the house and
down the road in me bare feet.

Jacinta's light was on.

Sure, she's always watching
those late-night bingo shows.

She took me in,
made me a hot toddy.

She put cloves in it...
and everything.

She rang the guards
and I just sat there on the sofa

watching the little ba*ls
on the telly, in me housecoat.

Thank God I was still
wearing me bra.

What do you want to do?

I'll press charges.

Will you come with me?
In the morning?

Of course.

Then we can do something nice.

I got my savings
from the credit union.

We could do one of them
foot things...

...when the fish bite
your feet.

Saw it on the... on the telly.

Uh, I figured we should get
an early start

- if we want to find your dad.
- Steve.

I think best course of action
is to hire a private detective.

- Steve!
- I Googled seventeen,

all with varying Yelp reviews.

Steve!

Last night was really hard.

But I've given it
a lot of thought

and I just want to say...

I forgive you.

But I'm not asking
for your forgiveness.

- Whoo-whoo...

Who even are you
right now, huh?

What's the point in anything
if you don't have kids?

Huh? What's the point
in any of it?!

Huh? What's the...
what's the point

in brushing your teeth
in the morning? Huh?

What's the point in this?

What is the point
in this sticky thing?!

What's the point of this shirt?

The g*dd*mn tablecloth,
boring, f*cking shirt?

Huh? Huh?

These...

These tiny,
little dead baby socks.

Why don't we all just lay down
and die while we're at it?

I think you should fly home.

Wha...

Don't... don't do this.

sh*t.

Uh, I think my fingers are
swollen from all the sodium.

I'm really sorry.

I've been eating
a lot of chips and I just...

I can't get it off!

Steve? Steve?

Mam?

Where are you going?

He rang this morning, Suze,

and he's going to get help.

Well, what about
pressing charges?

And, do you know,
he's never said that before?

- But, Mam, last night--
- He loves me!

And I love him.

Here.

What? Are you allowed
to take these?

Yeah.

Ah, that's lovely.

- Oh!
- Jesus. Sorry.

- Sorry.
- So, here.

Hello, Susan.

Jimmy.