01x04 - Not All Heroes Carry Vape

[bunniefuu]

Hey!

Hey.

Something you gotta say to me?

Um, happy birthday?

You fully just
smashed my window.

sh*t. Yeah.

Sorry, my aim's a bit off today.

Where have you been?

Every morning I wonder where
that paper is I don't want.

Family stuff.

My brother's back
from boarding school.

You know, I'd give
you the lowdown,

but it's boring, even to me.

I have some bad news.

I have to cancel
my subscription.

Let me guess. You're going to
get your news from TikTok now?

It's more like my
brother's suing me.

It's boring even to me,
but there's a good chance

I'm going to have
to sell the house.

What a f*cking as*h*le.

No, Viv, I'm serious.

Do you know I tried to
help an old man across

the street this morning,
and he yelled at me.

And I went to a friend's
last night to go dancing,

but she wants to watch a
grown man play video games

and eat cheese sticks.

This world is going to sh*t and
everyone's out for themselves.

Why are you laughing?

I just didn't realise
this was a thing.

What?

The fifties.

I thought you just liked
the clothes and newspapers.

I like everything
about the fifties.

Everything was so simple
back then, and I...

I don't get why no
one else can see that.

Hey.

Hey, listen.

Believe me, I know
how tempting it is

to spend all your
time in the past.

But it's really
f*cking unsustainable,

and really f*cking
ruins the present

and I don't want
that for you, dude.

So my advice would be to
try and accept what this is.

Even if, yes, what this
is can be very sub-par.

You know, that was
vaguely insightful.

Does this have something
to do with your 15 saves?

How do you know about that?

You kidding?

It's the talk of the
Crevice, dollface.

Hey.

God, that guy is highly strung.

Like a f*cking violin.

Have you just
come from Vivian's?

No. Oh.

Well, yes, I guess. Why?

Well, I've been thinking,

about trying again
with my article.

See, she's celebrating her
Crystal Jubilee this week.

It is made for the front page.

Did you just refer to
her saving 15 people

as a Crystal Jubilee?

Look, I've got to
find some kind of

phrasing for it, Dane.

You've vetoed so many of them.

Maybe you could
talk to her for me.

What?

Why?

I think I came on a
bit strong last time.

Mentioned my n*pples.

But you could
float it, casually,

during one of your classes.

We don't do those anymore.

Well, you could just go up there
then and talk to her for me.

I mean, you two are
friends, aren't you?

No, I'd just... I'd
rather stay out of it.

Oh, my God.

You like her.

Like her?

I don't even know her.

Well, you've got a
little crush, then!

Okay! How old am
I, Mother? Twelve?

Should I invite her over
to sandpit in the backyard?

We could build a
castle together.

Oh, Dane, you've lost
control of your face.

It's moving
all over the place.

And just to be clear, this?

Only horror and utter confusion.

And I really thought you knew
me better than that, Anna.

Oh, God!

Thank you,

my darling. Thank you.

Oh, finally.

Amy!

Amy?

Oh, don't you look nice!

Like a high school boy

on the way to pick up
his date for the dance.

Not what I was going for.

I thought we said we were
finishing the house today?

We are. This is part of it.

I had this dream last night.

Well, less like a dream

and more like a vivid
awake hallucination,

because I'm sleeping
on a workbench.

Anyway, I came up
with this extra

gesture for whoever
takes on the house next.

Or us.

We have to sell, Amy.

See, why do you do that?

Why do you have to put
that energy out there?

Because there's
literally no other way

we're going to raise 140k.

You could talk to him.

I am. It's a mediation...

I mean properly.

I mean sit him down and tell him

all the good things
we've been doing here.

It doesn't work with John.

Never has. Why not?

Oh,
f*ck! f*cking tin!

f*ck!

Ooh, I'm sorry!

I'm just trying to open it.

Maybe there's money inside.

You do realise you don't
need to keep pretending

this thing has significance.

What?

You think that tin is just a tin

and that brolga
is just a brolga?

Oh, Vivian, it's a laugh
a minute with you around.

Now.

You will fight today, won't you?

Yes, I will fight.

Good.

Okay, just wait a moment.

Better than before, I reckon.

I will see you tonight.

My love, are you okay?

Yeah. Yeah, fine.

This is your third nervous
poo of the morning.

Look at your neck.

What?

It's the merino.

No, this is a stress rash.

When your body tries to tell
you something, you must listen.

This is your soul,

saying "John, this
is not right."

Thank you, but it is.

To punish your family like this?

It's complicated.

Then tell me how, hmm?

She's crossed a line, Ale.

Anyway, that'll be Big John.

Hi.

Thanks for doing this.

Oh.

Yep, come in.

I'm just gonna...

Christ.

I didn't realise you ordered a
strip-o-gram for the occasion.

I'm kidding.

You must be the holiday fling.

It's nice to meet you, pal.

So I heard you got John
into the whole vegan thing.

Yeah, I couldn't do it myself.

It's like,

you need your protein,
you know what I mean?

Why is it they
call you Big John?

Oh, it's just cause I'm so
much taller than John here.

People needed a way
to differentiate us

when we were together.

Together?

Yeah, we dated for a
month. A lifetime ago.

Well, five
months, actually.

I was in business affairs back
when John was in publishing.

Oh, Small John
didn't mention this.

Uh, it seemed irrelevant.

Yeah, Big John's here
because he's good with

tough negotiations.

Plus he knows Viv so
he's not going to let her

get away with her usual sh*t.

No, we're gonna crush little
sister into dust, right, pal?

- Ooh, yeah.
- Every last cent.

Yeah.

Good, yeah. Yes.

Good. You coming
to watch the show?

Ah, no, no, he's...
he's not coming.

No, not coming.

It was nice to
meet you, Big John.

You still do that
nervous breathing thing.

It's adorable.

Huzzah!

Uh-uh! Whoa! Dot, no.

We do not throw our food.

We do not throw our food.

Are you eating?

Can you have some
of this, please?

Can you just... can
you do this for me?

Can you... wait,
come around this way.

Come around this way.

It's like an airplane
or something.

Whooo!

Whoo!

Ah, fine. Okay.

Okay, that's fine.

Um...

Hendrix, can you please help me?

I have to go.

I've got this Zoom with
Hans at 10:00 and I...

Wow!

Oh?

Hello.

What's this?

Whatever you want
it to be, baby.

Oh, my God.

What? Your hair!

- How did you do...
- Shh, shh, shh!

No, no.

No more questions.

Let's just, uh, let's
just enjoy this ride.

I... no, Hen, it's not...
it's breakfast time

and it's not a vibe.

Let's
make it one, then.

You shut your dirty mouth
and take your pants off.

That is, if you would, um,
like to do those things.

Get them off! Ooh!

Tiny Teddies!

Leave the Tiny Teddies!

Are they tiny teddies
or are they...

massive teddies?

Oh, sorry!

Hendrix!

Oh my God!

June, June,
June, June, darling,

how did you get out of
your chair, sweetheart?

I heard talking.

Oh, is that, uh,

is that all you
heard, sweetheart?

Yeah, we stay here now, yeah?

We stay put in our
chairs, eat our porridge.

Sorry.

I thought... I thought that
would be sexier in my head.

No, that was... That
was plenty sexy.

Thank you.

Good.

'Cause, uh,

I'd like to do stuff
like that more often.

Me too.

Really?

Well, tonight,

I'll do what you want.

Anything.

I mean it.

Okay.

Deal.

To be
clear, lovelies,

this is not a courtroom
and I am not a judge.

Retired four years go.

You have opted for a mediation.

So we are first going to see

if some structured

negotiation can
resolve the dispute

between...

Vivian Cunningham

and Maized and Corn-Fused.

It's a vegan taco truck.

Oh, wonderful.

I've always been curious
about making the switch,

but I just... well, I do worry
about where I'd get my protein.

Oh, no, that's a
common misconception.

Lentils, chickpeas, edamame.

They're all great...

sources of protein.

Legumes tend to flare my IBS.

Could we maybe...

Oh, yes, of course.

Well, where shall we begin?

Well, how
about with the fact that

Ms. Cunningham caused a fire
in my client's food truck

before fleeing the scene?

Objection, Your Honour...

Uh-uh-uh! To clarify,

not a judge.

Still,

we completely deny

these slanderous
claims of arson.

No one is accusing her of arson.

No, they are not!

We're accusing
her of gross negligence

resulting in
destruction of property

to which we are demanding she
pay for the damages caused.

You know I can't do that.

You could if you were to depart

with the significant asset
that Granddad left you.

Are you seriously gonna
make me do that, John?

Believe it or not,
I'm making changes.

Mm, that's what you said
when I gave you the job.

And then you sat there,
sucking on that vape...

I didn't know it was
going to explode.

Yes, indeed.

Maybe it's the vape manufacturer

who should be paying
these damages.

Yes, well we looked into that.

See this little part here?

Mm-hmm.

We were informed
by the manufacturer

that it is a custom
modification made by the user

to create what Reddit
commonly refers to as a...

Super bong.

super bong.

You were
smoking a super bong

on the job, Vivian.

Yes.

A job where you
pushed her too hard,

in grueling conditions,

underfed on a vegan diet,

completely devoid of protein.

So she fell asleep on the job.

You fell asleep?

- Oh, yes. What?
- Right. Well,

I don't think we
need to hear anymore.

Is that right?

Is that right?

Well, I have some testimony.

From Google reviews.

This is from Peas on Earth.

"The taco was fine,
but nothing special."

Hummus Where The Heart Is,

"A little soggy,
but otherwise good."

Hardly the reviews of
a successful business.

In fact, it could be
argued that my client

has done a public service
by removing this product

from the city's thriving
food truck scene...

Look, it's true.

I was high.

I fell asleep.

And when I woke
up, the super bong

fire was halfway up the truck.

Why did you run?

Why didn't you call me?

We could have
salvaged something.

You wouldn't have
salvaged anything, John.

You would have stood me
in front of the truck

and yelled at me
like you always...

So this is my
fault? No!

No, of course it's f*cking not!

I just... I just wish...
I f*cking wish...

What? What?

Wish you would come out
and say what you want to,

instead of all this
excruciating bullshit!

Okay. Okay,
sure. Sure, Vivian.

Maybe I finally
f*cking will then.

I think it's time

to take a break here.

That's the wonderful
thing about a mediation.

It really is in your own time.

Uh-uh, lovely, it's not vegan.

Oh!

Hey, hate to ask but
are you still all right

to look after the twins tonight?

Yeah.

'Cause, um, Laura
and I are having sex.

Hey.

Is that not keeping them awake?

No, I...

They like the sound.

Ale.

Mm?

Do you wanna know how it went?

No.

No, I'm not involved, hmm?

Hey, could
you just get in here?

Christ,
what's going on here?

Hello.

My old school uniform?

Yeah.

I even found your chain.

Do you remember?

Of course. Hmm.

Oh, it's-it's tight.

Put this on too.

Let's go fool around in
the boys' changing room.

Okay.

As long as Mrs. Wilson
isn't outside on smoko.

Oh, f*ck Mrs. Wilson.

She made me put down my hem.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe there's only
three weeks until graduation.

Me neither.

Three weeks
until we're... free.

Free to do whatever we
want, whenever we want.

What do you want to do?

Oh, Jesus.

I want you
to f*ck me, Hendrix.

I want you to f*ck me
in my uniform up against

the back fence.

Oh!

Oh, f*ck me, Hendrix!

Oh, take me back there.

Take me back there!

Take me back there.

Take... me... back!

Okay, stop. What? Why?

Please stop. Stop. Why?

Oh. Oh, my...
oh my God, I'm so sorry.

- No! No, no, no, no.
- Babe?

No, I am. I am.

I am, that I don't
look like I used to.

Wait. What?

I know I've put weight on,
and my hair is thinning,

but I have...

I have tried to
look better, Laura,

but I am just so f*cking
hungry all the time.

I think we just have to
accept this is who I am now.

Hey.

You...

are just as sexy to me
now as you were back then.

Laura, what the hell
is all this about?

Oh.

This was... this was dumb, okay?

This is... we're fine.

Okay? We are so...

so beyond fine.

Okay?

Okay.

Hey.

When our parents died, I, um...

Well, Walt looked after us,

but I...

I sort of looked after us, too.

You know, I was
17. It felt right.

I picked her up from parties.

I pulled vomit out of her mouth.

I gave her my study notes

when she hadn't gone
to class in months.

Never once a thank you.

Never.

Or even a thought about me.

When it happened to me too.

Hey, John.

I have so many dark thoughts.

All the time.

Sometimes...

I...

hate her.

Can you imagine it?
Hating your own sister?

Look, they are not
horrible thoughts.

In this case, they are
reasonable thoughts.

Ale, today...

today, I just wanted her
to take responsibility,

for something.

You know, to understand what...

what sacrifice is.

And have you told
her any of this?

Do you want to
know what I think?

No.

Because it'll probably be
right and even if it's not,

it's gonna sound really
good in your accent.

You should go ahead with
this truck business,

if you think it will be
good for both of you.

Or take your life back.

Realise that it's not your
job to look after her, hmm?

Just let it go.

Perhaps...

she's actually changing.

And that's very hard
for you to accept.

Amy, I thought I told you
to finish the pergola.

Yeah, almost there.

Though I'm hoping
there's no rush now?

My brothers think I
k*lled our parents.

No, they don't think, they know.

I was the only one
in the car with them.

Vivian.

That must have been...

I don't
want your sympathy.

Don't do that.

So you think that's why
John is hard on you?

Because he blames you?

He nearly said it
out loud today.

For the first time ever.

How did it feel?

Like my heart
split a little bit.

But I also felt relieved.

I've been scared
of it for so long.

I've decided.

I'm going to sell the house,
give him the cash, move away.

Maybe it'll make
him feel better.

How will it make you feel?

Doesn't matter.

Night, Amy.

Night, Vivian.

I love you.

sh*t. m*therf*cker!

Oh, morning.

You're chipper today.

Yeah, well I thought
about what you said.

Accepting where the world is at.

Oh, I'm glad. I'm still

not restarting my
subscription, though.

I watched High
Society last night.

Have you seen it?

You know, Sinatra,
Grace Kelly...

Sorry, Lou, I gotta run.

I'm gonna miss my bus.

Okay.

Hey, what time will you be back?

Late.

I'll most likely be drowning
my sorrows somewhere.

See you tomorrow, though.

f*ck off!

Did you know that Vivian
uses two-in-one conditioner,

like she doesn't
even care enough

to separate out the processes,

which are very
different, by the way.

Like what would our
dating look like, hey?

We're eating unidentifiable
meat off white bread

every night of the week,

and injecting heroin
in our eyeballs.

Then we'd... we'd get so drunk,

we'd accidentally get married

and buy cheap tickets to Vegas

and get Elvis to perform at
the ceremony in his chapel!

Then, um, we'd be so exhausted,

we'd probably
order room service,

which I've actually
never done before.

Oh...

No, no, no!

It'll never happen.

So I really, really wish

you'd stop getting carried
away with all of this.

Okay?

Are you all right?

What do you think?

Hmm.

Oh, my God, this is
a party in my mouth.

The secret is
doubling the butter.

Mm-hmm. Oh.

I made a little something
for you too, John.

We began at 10:00.

Well, I'll make this quick.

How much do you want?

Excuse me?

I'll pay for the food truck.

How much did you say it was?

140k?

I think my client has been
smoking that super bong again.

No, I just... I
want this done with,

so we can move on.

Well, there's...

there's a matter
of lost income...

Yes, fine. Just
send me the bill.

What are you doing?

Giving you what you want.

John, does that sound

like a satisfactory
outcome to you?

Wait!

Your Honour!

I would like to submit
some new evidence,

if it pleases the court.

Again, not a courtroom.

Not a judge.

What the hell is this?

Wilkinson?

I thought you were disbarred.

Uh...

only in Scotland.

Well, I don't know who thought
this shitshow was a good idea,

but Vivian, might I
suggest we postpone

until you've received some
counsel from a real lawyer?

Unless you lot want to
be sued for coercion?

Wow. Okay.

I didn't realise you were
going to come in so hot.

Your Honour.

John.

I just wanted to
speak to you both,

because I think it's important

you know the full extent
of what Vivian has done.

God, there's more?

No, this is completely
inappropriate.

It is certainly unorthodox.

But John, it's up to you.

Yep. Fine, just...

say what you want to say.

Just make it quick.

Do you want to know
what my favourite part

about being a shop
assistant was?

Jesus f*cking Christ.

The part where you
pull the customer

out of that change room

and they see themselves
for the first time,

and you see them, seeing that.

Compelling.

Oh, shut up, Big John.

And I thought I was good at it.

I really did.

Until I met Vivian.

In the space of three weeks,

Vivian Cunningham has saved
the lives of 15 people,

myself and Caitlin included.

And yes, she's sort of sweary
and yelly when she does this,

but she also possesses something
I've never quite seen before.

This...

swollen heart.

She feels all your pain,

and then...

somehow turns it into hope.

Makes you feel like
you're not alone.

Helps you remember who you are,

when it feels like you may
never remember them again.

While Vivian is really good

at helping people out
of that change room,

she would never, ever
step out herself.

Maybe because she's afraid
of what she might see.

So today I'm doing it for her,

in the hopes you see what I see.

Someone who...

if you took her away
from that house,

I think would be lost.

As would the people who turn
up on that ledge for her help.

Well, I think we've had

our fill of the poorly-formed
retail metaphors.

Am I right, John?

John?

Fine.

Fine?

She doesn't have to pay.

No.

No, you can't let
this rubbish sway you.

I didn't think
that was going to work!

Waste of my time.

Congratulations, Viv.

How are you doing?

Oh, good.

Got a no-contact order in place.

That b*stard will
never see me again.

Now I have to go, because
I need to be in real court,

and this was really
f*cking weird.

You know
what this calls for?

Schnitzel. And
possibly Pictionary.

Can I get a hell yeah?

Hell yeah!

So we'd booked
this house down south

and we were thinking, "Oh, this is
gonna be a lovely, relaxing weekend."

But then as soon
as we get there,

Big John has a full itinerary

with every second accounted for.

Okay, yes, he could
be a little full-on,

but that's why we
ultimately broke up.

We were just... We
were too different.

What?

What?

He's
basically your clone.

Your idea of foreplay
was performing scenes

from Les Mis to each other.

Yeah, until
they had that argument

about who'd play Fantine.

Laura and I were
listening to it all night.

God the walls in that
house were so thin...

Okay, having similar taste in musical
theatre does not make us clones.

I'd love to have sex
with a clone of myself.

I think it would
be deeply erotic.

Ooh!
She's a delight.

You must keep her, Vivian.

Hey, how'd it go?

What?

You know, being
sexually assertive?

Oh. Oh, great,
yeah. It went great.

Mission accomplished,
if you get my drift.

Okay, John, just relax
and go with the flow.

Now, is there a card
that you're drawn to?

That one. Ooh, interesting.

Oh, yeah, there's
definitely a theme here.

See how this one has his hands
crossed over his heart chakra?

And this one is bound in ropes.

And the Hermit withdraws
from the world,

preferring to control
his environment.

Hey, maybe
there's something

to this sh*t after all.

You gotta admit, John,
that's pretty bang on.

No, no, no, this
is not John at all.

You're great, Amy, but no.

Did you know he and I met on
a nudist beach in Tenerife?

No, we don't need... We
don't need to go into that.

Yes.

His cling-wrap...
cling-wrap, you say?

His cling-wrap blew
away in the wind,

and he didn't want
to make rubbish.

So he chased it down
the beach into a zone

where you must wear clothes.

A polícia started to
make trouble for him.

I could hear his Spanish was
not so good at that moment,

and I went to help.

The rest of our
time on the island,

we never put on clothing.

Naked swimming, naked dancing.

Even naked cooking.

Hey, you two only have one
view of your brother's soul.

And maybe this is
not the true one.

His best self.

To being the best
versions of ourselves.

The ones Mum and Dad
would have wanted.

I miss them.

Me too.

Hey.

Hey. I've got that.

Um, look I just wanted to say...

Oh, don't.

It's, um... you're so welcome.

You know, Hendrix and Laura
haven't f*cked in a year.

What? Yep.

No, I don't... I thought...

He told me they were
doing it last night.

No. He's bullshitting.

Do you know what's wrong? No.

No f*cking idea.
It's really weird.

Hmm.

Bye! Bye!

Thanks for coming!

Oh! What are you doing?

Oh, sorry, I have a surprise.

Probably should
have asked first.

Okay, come on.

Open.

I call them sharecrows.

I always wondered who
would people talk to

when we're not here?

Amy, you...

You're really good at this crap.

Thanks.

I always wanted my own shop.

And I always imagined it
would look exactly like this.

Ooh, minus the suicide
paraphernalia, of course.

Mm.

George said I should
focus on the app,

that no one would come,

or I'd talk so much
that they would leave.

I think you need your bed.

I'd love a bed.

No. Your bed.

Let's take it
back, from shitbag.

I don't know.

Come on. I'll go with you.

We'll rent a van.

Look at us.

Like Batman and Robin.

Oh!

Okay, why do you always
have to pick the sh*t ones?

Why can't we be like...

Sherlock and Watson!

Ha!

Doctor, detective.

Oh come on, you can't
say that's sh*t.

Right?

Hey, Vivian.

- Come on. Let's do it.
- Okay.

So, where is it?

Dane!

I need... I need
to talk to Vivian.

Oh.

If... if that's...
okay with you both.

So, what's up?

Are you okay?

I like you.

I don't know how it
happened, but I do.

Oh.

I see.

Are you sure?

Well, do you... do you want to
say anything in response, or...

I think we should talk tomorrow.

Okay, that's...

totally fine.

No, not because I
don't like you too.

I just...

um...

I think if you stay right now,

I'll probably have
another drink,

try and f*ck you
on my new pergola,

and possibly forget I did that.

Right.

Okay.

Well, this has been...

You know where I live.

I don't know why I said that.

Dane, I meant what I said.

Louis?

What are you doing here?