01x05 - The Decorator's Debacle

[bunniefuu]

[UPBEAT POP SONG]

♪

- JOGGER: Morning.

- Hey!

JOGGER: Have a good one!

♪

♪

VICTORIA: Well, no, I

haven't told Darby yet.

You know how she overreacts.

But I am telling you, Sarita,

I have not written this fast in years.

This new character is

changing everything!

[IN DISTANCE] Of course,

yes. I'm excited, too.

I promise, you're going to love it.

♪

Ex-cop who was kicked off the force?

Surly Handsome

Bryn's long-lost daughter

Clodagh?!

VICTORIA: Darby, are you home?

We're wheels up in 20!

Ugh!

♪

[QUIET CHATTER]

♪

DARBY: Ugh, this is really

not what I need today.

VICTORIA: Would you stop sulking?

You promised last week

when you borrowed my car

that you would come to

this estate auction with me.

But you also said you

would wear something nice!

Well, I didn't know it would be like

something out of your novels!

Speaking of, how are your

new pages coming along?

Um good! Fine, actually.

Yeah? Feeling particularly

inspired, are we?

- As a matter of fact, I am!

- Hmm!

- RORY: Well, hello, ladies!

- VICTORIA: Hello!

DARBY: Why am I here if

you knew Rory would be here?

Just to soak up a

little A.B. culture, hmm?

- Alder Bluffs.

- Thank you, I got it.

RORY: This place is

owned by Zelda Hoffman.

Wealthy widow, total firecracker.

She had impeccable taste.

VICTORIA: Oh, dear. Has she died?

Oh, no. Apparently she's moved into

an upscale nursing home.

Her daughter put this whole thing on.

Ah, there are some

serious pieces up for sale!

Ooh!

RORY: You might see, uh

an art deco hoodie, Darby!

[VICTORIA & RORY LAUGH]

Great.

♪

$1,500 for a trifle bowl?!

And then you have to eat trifle.

Lucas! What are you doing here?

Yeah, Lindsay saw this thing

about "eclectic centrepieces"

on some hip wedding blog,

so we figured that this would be

- eclectic?

- Well, sure.

Nothing says "I do" quite

like naked babies on stuff.

Mm-hm! Yeah, exactly.

That's why I'm having my

groomsmen dress like that.

[LAUGHS] Oh! Nice!

- Oh, Darby!

- Hi!

- Hey, it's good to see you!

- You, too.

- You look gorgeous, as always.

- Thanks.

This ensemble started

as a silent protest

against my mom, but now it

just feels like a self-own.

[LAUGHS] Hey, the more dressed down,

the richer people think you are.

Oh, then everyone here

must think I'm loaded.

- LINDSAY: [LAUGHS]

- Definitely.

Um [SIGHS]

Hey, I've been taking

like a zillion photos

for wedding inspo, and I realized

I don't even have one

of the bride and groom!

- Do you mind?

- Not at all!

Okay.

Uh say "trifle"!

- BOTH: Trifle!

- [CAMERA CLICKING]

- I took a bunch.

- LINDSAY: Oh, awesome.

- Thank you.

- [GAVEL BANGS]

AUCTIONEER: Can I have

your attention, please?

Ladies and gentlemen, the

auction is about to start.

LUCAS: I should find

seats. I can't miss this.

Don't miss it. Run, don't walk!

LINDSAY: Um Hey, listen.

This may sound odd.

I was wondering if you

and I could have lunch?

I'd really like us to be friends.

Yeah!

Great. Yes um, when?

Um soon.

Super soon.

Okay.

- See you out there.

- Okay!

Okay

AUCTIONEER: Ladies

and gentlemen, welcome.

Bidding will commence shortly.

But first, I'd like to invite

our hostess, Moira Hoffman,

to say a few words.

[APPLAUSE]

MOIRA: Okay wow!

My mother would be so

touched by this turnout.

As some of you know, she was

recently moved to a care facility.

And, you know, while they say

that you can't put a price

on a loved one's care

they have. A large one!

- Uh

- [AWKWARD COUGHS]

So, um

please bid generously and, um

thanks.

[APPLAUSE]

AUCTIONEER: Thank you,

Miss Hoffman. All right

Archer Lancaster.

Thinks he's God's gift to antiques.

I outbid him on a

Hepplewhite chaise last year

and he's hated me ever since.

And first up, we have Lot #129.

This is it!

It's early Deco.

Neo-Egyptian piece.

Wow, it's lovely. You should bid on it.

I'm going to!

And the bidding will begin at $400.

$400.

AUCTIONEER: 400 to the

gentleman; do I hear

- 500.

- AUCTIONEER: 500.

- Do I have six?

- Six.

I have 600. Do I hear seven?

700 to the woman in the back.

1,100.

AUCTIONEER: I hear 1,100 for

the gentleman in the front.

- Do I have

- 1,200.

AUCTIONEER: 1,200.

1,300.

Yes, I have 1,300 to

the gentleman in front.

3,000!

[CROWD GASPS]

The bid stands at $3,000.

Going once Going twice

- Sold!

- [APPLAUSE]

Well done, sir.

[APPLAUSE]

♪

♪

DARBY: You didn't even buy anything!

That's not the point, darling.

The point is to have fun.

Well, that redefined

"fun" for me, so success!

VICTORIA: What's wrong with

you? Is your blood sugar low?

You're so surly.

- Surly?

- Mm-hm!

That's a funny word for you to use.

[PHONE BUZZING]

Oh, by all means, take your call.

Hello?

Rory?

He pocket-dialled you. Just hang up.

Okay.

[SOUND OF CAR HONKING ON PHONE]

RORY: Oh, come on, just

pass me then, all right?

Rory, is everything all right?

[CAR HONKING AND BRAKES SCREECHING]

RORY: No, no, no! What are you doing?

- No, no, noooo!

- [LOUD CRASH]

Rory!

[THEME MUSIC]

♪

♪

HARRIS: Okay, okay,

white car, tinted windows.

We got that.

RORY: Listen, I don't

think you're taking this

with the gravity it deserves!

All right, the only sets

of tire tracks off the road

are yours, Mr. Iseñor, all right?

That's not much to go on.

This is a case for

your insurance company,

- not for the police.

- I am telling you,

someone is trying to k*ll me!

And I am telling you to

calm down before I arrest you

- for wasting police time.

- VICTORIA: Enough!

If Alder Bluffs' "finest"

won't take this case seriously,

then the Spencer Sisters will.

Wait, what? We will?

Really?

Okay, whatever. He's all yours.

All right, someone

call a damn tow truck.

RORY: You're serious?

That the Spencer Sisters

will take my case?

Of course!

Oh, but no friend discount!

I want to pay the full price!

I need to get my cat.

Okay, we're not seriously

taking this case on, are we?

Harris is an a*s, sure,

but attempted m*rder?

Mom, Rory probably just

got spooked when someone

tried to pass him while he

was staring at his dumb cat.

VICTORIA: We don't know that.

And besides, a case is a case.

Fine.

But we have to treat

it like any other case.

It's not like something

from one of your novels.

As if you've ever read any of my novels!

RORY: Oh, it's all right!

Ah, it's safe.

Well, I guess I'd better get

a ride share or something.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

We have plenty of room.

Darby can ride in back.

Oh, yeah. You can ride in the back.

- I heard her.

- Mm-hm!

DARBY: Okay, Rory,

start from the beginning

and tell us what happened.

He came at me out of nowhere!

Like a lunatic!

I couldn't see his face,

but I could feel the

hatred just burning at me!

Except we don't actually

know that it was a man, right?

- Because you couldn't see him?

- Oh

Are we sure this isn't

just a case of road rage?

VICTORIA: Maybe someone

wants you out of the picture.

[GASPS] You mean like a conspiracy?

Or maybe it was a case

of mistaken identity!

Yes!

The k*ller misidentified

me as his target!

Okay, let's all just climb down

from the grassy knoll here for a second.

Rory, I know when you've

had a scare it can be easy

to jump right to

assassins and blood feuds.

Yes!

But when it comes to

real investigations,

Occam's Razor is the rule.

The simplest explanation

is usually the right one.

But, as Bryn Martell always says,

"Sometimes Occam is wrong."

- Really?

- Mm-hm.

Bryn said that, specifically?

RORY: Yeah, Book 9.

"The Philosopher's Foible."

Okay, Rory, do you

have any actual enemies

who might want to hurt you?

Oh! Archer Lancaster!

Ah, of course!

He was furious that you outbid him.

Public humiliation is a great motivator.

Oh, Darby is well aware of that.

Okay, fine. Yes, Archer is a solid lead.

Or at least a lead here on Planet Earth,

so we'll start there.

- Let's go to his store.

- Right.

RORY: Let's shake him down!

♪

RORY: Oh, Archer.

You've just been eating yourself

up with jealousy, haven't you?

What is it, exactly,

you're accusing me of?

We want to know where you

went after the auction.

Here.

To lick my wounds.

Oh, that is a lie!

He's lying!

Okay, maybe let me take care of this.

[IN A WHISPER] Liar!

What route did you take?

What's the make and

model of your vehicle?

I don't believe I have

to tell you anything.

You're not the police.

[RORY & VICTORIA CHUCKLING SCORNFULLY]

RORY: Tsk-tsk-tsk.

What?

Oh, we were just admiring

your impeccable taste:

Hepplewhite, Georgian, mostly Victorian.

But that cat you bid on?

It was decidedly Neo-Egyptian Art Deco.

What gives?

Fine. You caught me.

I never wanted that piece

of junk in the first place.

Oh, bull!

You bid against me for it!

ARCHER: [GIGGLES]

I was goading you into overpaying.

RORY: [HUFFS]

ARCHER: And, if you must know,

that cat is a cheap 1970s reproduction.

Can't imagine why Zelda

Hoffman even owned it.

I know I wouldn't want to.

Oh, and I drive a restored

powder blue 1969 Fiat Spider.

It's parked out back if

you want to admire it.

♪

♪

Well, there goes that lead.

The real question is why

would Zelda have a worthless

piece like that in her collection?

Well, it was a very good reproduction.

I think anyone could

have been fooled by it.

Wait a minute.

There was a third bidder.

A woman at the back.

And then she just vanished.

I remember her!

Damn, I wish I made a mental

note of her paddle number.

As Bryn would say, "The

devil is in the details."

Yeah, Book 21. "The

Clockmaker's Crisis."

Okay, fine.

We'll go to the auction

house and we'll get her name.

[CHUCKLES]

What?

Auctions are a very exclusive world.

Their clients count on discretion.

Okay, so what do you suggest?

Zelda's daughter, Moira,

would have access to

the bidders list, right?

We could use Rory's status as

a decorator to our advantage.

How?

She seemed very concerned

about selling everything.

You could offer to work her list

and move the rest of her stock.

Ooh, like undercover!

Well, it's not undercover

when you're playing yourself.

♪

MOIRA: What what am I

supposed to do with this?

Do you know how big the bills are?

RORY: I can't believe

this happened to you.

MOIRA: And how expensive it is

there, it's like they just

DARBY: Don't think you're

going a bit overboard?

This isn't a stakeout,

and Moira isn't a suspect.

Well, she could be!

[MOIRA CRYING]

Yeah, she's a regular femme fatale.

Seriously, what is your problem?

You seemed so happy when you

went out for your run today.

I was, until you dragged

me into this mess.

Or should I call it Book 31,

"The Wealthy Widow's

Worthless Waste of Time"?

Do you have a problem with my writing?

Well, actually, I kind

of do, and I wanted to

RORY: We have the list of bidders!

Mm-hm-hm!

Oh, she's quite a talker.

And a crier. Hmm.

VICTORIA: I see that.

Paddle 118 Francesca Diavolo?

RORY: Oh, a glamorous name!

Like something out

of one of your novels!

- Oh, you don't say.

- Mm-hm!

DARBY: Hmph!

Ah, looks like she lives

at 66 Heathcliff Lane.

Let's go.

♪

♪

DARBY: 66 Heathcliff Lane?

You've gotta be kidding me!

So, Francesca Diavolo lied

on her bidding application?

How baroque.

VICTORIA: Seems like

Bryn Martell was right,

and Occam was wrong.

Oh, good morning. Orange juice?

- Did you spend the night?

- Yes.

I had my housekeeper

drop off a weekend bag.

I thought it was safest, what with this

Diavolo character on the loose.

There you are!

Alastair just got back to

me, and there are no hits

for "Francesca Diavolo"

anywhere near Alder Bluffs.

Great, now we're back to no leads.

[TEXT MESSAGE NOTIFICATION]

Ugh!

Lindsay tagged me in the photo

that I took of her and Lucas.

And she used the triple fire emoji.

Look, my day just keeps getting better.

They are gorgeous together,

but it's best not to dwell, honey.

Hey, wait a minute.

Isn't this the Francesca Diavolo

woman or whatever her name is?

- Look.

- It is! Good work, honey.

Lindsay took a lot of

photos at the auction.

I wonder if our mystery woman's

in the background of those.

RORY: You

text Lindsay and get those photos.

Yeah.

Oh, no, no!

No, I can't do that

because if I do that,

Lindsay will make me

go to lunch with her!

Well, it's for the

good of the case, honey.

[SIGHS]

♪

Small talk.

Appetizer only.

Get the photos and get out.

Darby, hi!

Hey!

I am so glad we can make this work!

Oh, me too, me too.

I've always wanted to come here,

so this is very exciting for me.

Oh! [CHUCKLES] Yeah!

BOTH: Anyway [LAUGHTER]

I could use your help with

a case, if you're willing.

Oh! Okay, sh**t.

Could you send me the photos

you took at the auction?

Like of me and Lucas?

Of everything.

And this is for a case?

Yes.

A mysterious woman ran

our client off the road

because he bought what

turned out to be a worthless

statue of a cat.

And as I say that out loud,

I realize it sounds super made-up,

but your photos might

help us identify her.

Right, yeah. Of course!

Thanks.

Um

[KEYS TAPPING]

Okay, done.

And I sent them to Victoria too.

Oh, good. I really appreciate that.

Yeah.

And I hate to do this, but I should go,

because the case is really heating up.

Darby?

Um, I'd actually really like

us to have a conversation

about Lucas.

Oh.

Okay.

But we should eat first, right?

[LAUGHS]

Yeah!

Hi!

- WAITER: Can I take your order?

- Yes, thank you.

♪

So, what do you think?

Bryn Martell would be so proud!

Lindsay sent the photos

and I printed them out.

- Hmm!

- And here is our mystery woman.

Hmm Is her hair

I dunno how to say this bad?

Yeah.

I think it's a wig. And those glasses?

- Mm-hm.

- She might be in disguise.

Oh!

But we're still no closer to

finding out her real identity.

Yes.

Oh, yes we are!

That is the car that tried

to run me off the road!

- It is?

- Mm-hm!

The license plate's obscured.

But there's this bumper sticker.

It says

Here.

"CompanionAid."

[PHONE BEEPS]

Uh, find "CompanionAid." Oh!

- [PHONE BEEPS]

- Oh!

PHONE VOICE: Here's what I found.

It says it's a local staffing agency

for in-home nursing services.

- Call!

- Ooh, okay.

Hello, uh, this is Rory G-Gan

O'Flanagan.

[BAD IRISH ACCENT] Ah,

top 'o the mornin' to ya!

[IN A WHISPER] That's not good.

Um I'm just calling because

I was following one of your cars

that had one of your stickers on it.

And there was a woman driving,

and she went directly

through a crosswalk,

striking a child dead!

- No!

- Oh! Okay, no, not dead.

But certainly not well.

It was just a close call.

And I was wondering,

if I sent you a picture,

I'm sending it right now,

would you be able to tell me

if you recognize this person

as one of your employees?

Have you got it?

Yes, her hair's a little

different, by the way.

Oh?

Is that so?

So, listen

I know there's a lot of

history between you and Lucas.

But, like, ancient history.

Stone age.

We're talking dinosaurs and meteors.

For you, maybe. But not for Lucas.

When you left all those years ago,

Lucas was shattered.

Mainly because he didn't know why you

just ghosted.

I mean, everything's fine now,

it's just when I found him

he was still hurting.

And now, suddenly you're

back in town, and

I would just hate to see him

go back to that dark place.

I'm not ordering you out

of Lucas' life or anything.

- [LAUGHS]

- Oh, good.

It's just your presence,

it has an effect on people.

And, well, it's not just Lucas'

happiness at stake anymore.

I can admit I didn't really

handle things well back then.

But the last thing that I

would want to do is hurt Lucas.

Or come between you.

Not not that I'm capable of that!

- [BOTH LAUGH]

- Obviously.

Um

I wish you two nothing but happiness,

so if that means I have

to keep my distance

I will.

Darby, thank you.

I mean it, I do.

I'm just oh!

Oh, I'm so glad we could clear the air.

- [LAUGHS]

- Yeah.

♪

- [DOOR CLOSES]

- Oh, how was lunch?

Like being eaten alive by

beautiful woodland animals.

Where's Rory?

Uh, he's out on the sundeck, resting.

Exhausted from working our case?

Actually, yes. We had

a big breakthrough.

It turns out that "Francesca Diavolo"

is really someone

named Carmella Da Silva,

who used to work for a home-care

company called CompanionAid.

- Used to?

- Mm-hm.

Until she was fired for a complaint

from her past employer, get this

Zelda Hoffman!

Hmm! Well, you figured out a lot.

And it was definitely her car

that ran Rory off the road.

And she went to the

auction in a disguise.

Why was she there? Why

did she bid on the statue?

I have no idea, but it

proves that Rory was right.

You mean, it proves you were right.

Look, I'm just trying to

solve a case for our client.

For our client, or for your new partner?

Is this what this is all about?

You're mad at me because

I let Rory help us?

Well, why wouldn't you?

When he's your number one

fanboy and I'm just, what was it?

"A dark, surly cypher, quick

to anger and slow to apologize"?

You read my pages without my permission?

You had no right!

No right?

You're the one who used

her own daughter as a joke

for the sake of book sales!

That is not what the Clodagh

character is about, at all!

Oh, Victoria, these new

pages are magnificent!

And the Clodagh character is so oh?

You let him read it?

Of course you did.

Darby, please.

You don't care about

me or this partnership.

You're swanning around like

a real-life Bryn Martell.

Do you know how ridiculous you sound?

Are you surprised that I

didn't tell you about Clodagh

when this is how you react?

When all you ever do is

criticize my lifestyle,

my work, and my friends?

At least Rory doesn't treat me

like I'm some kind of delusional idiot!

Fine!

I'll leave you two to it.

And since you guys have

so much fun together,

why don't you k*ll off Clodagh

and make "Lory" Bryn's new partner?

Then we'll all be happy.

[SIGHS]

how to push my buttons.

It's the whole Bryn Martell thing.

- Mm-hm.

- It's exactly what happened

after my dad died.

My mom became like a

completely different person.

I feel like a teenager when

I'm with my mom and I hate that.

I was so angry back then.

At my dad for dying.

At my mom for dragging

me to Alder Bluffs,

only to then abandon me for her career.

Hey, now if she hadn't dragged you here,

you never would have

met the most handsome

eligible bachelor in Alder Bluffs.

Are you seriously throwing

Lucas at me right now?

Hello, I'm talking about

me! Look at this jaw line!

- I mean

- [LAUGHS] Oh.

That's true.

Okay, well, "eligible

bachelor" no longer applies,

but the rest does.

Look, I-I get it.

That was a rough time for you.

It's why you left.

Is that it, though?

Is that all?

Or do I run from stuff?

Do I push people away?

Well yes.

Sometimes.

But it makes sense.

People with abandonment issues

tend to do the same

to protect themselves.

I knew it.

I'm totally screwed up.

Not totally. Look how far you've come!

Would the Darby of ten

years ago have ever imagined

starting a business with Victoria?

Probably not.

- I mean

- Okay, definitely not.

There we go.

I hope we still have a business.

I said some pretty rough stuff.

How bad could it have been?

I bet she's already over it.

[SCREECHING BRAKES]

RORY: Mm-hm-hm

Okay, Furiosa.

Maybe we should take a breath

before we go and see Moira.

Why? We still have a case to solve.

And if Carmella really

was Zelda's nurse,

then maybe Moira can

tell us where to find her.

Victoria, I love you,

and I know you're upset,

but maybe you should

cut Darby some slack.

What? Why?

I just think I know why

she's been acting out a tad.

You do?

She hasn't been any nicer to you!

Well, Darby's a walking leather jacket.

Her bark is worse than her bite.

And I I, too, tend

to overreact sometimes.

Oh? I hadn't noticed.

Ha. Yeah.

I know what I'm like.

I take offence when people

don't take me seriously.

It's a classic defence mechanism.

And Darby's the same.

Yeah, but you heard what she said.

She's the one that

doesn't take me seriously!

But, uh, maybe she just

feels more comfortable

pushing people away

than being vulnerable.

It's this whole Clodagh thing.

I clearly meant it as

an homage, not an insult!

Her bravery, her sense of justice,

the way Bryn has been longing

to have Clodagh back in her life.

What if Darby looked at it and saw

her own worst fears about herself?

That the distance between Bryn

and Clodagh is all her fault?

Well, technically,

it was the nuns' fault

for lying to Bryn about her

baby dying in childbirth.

Yes

Just to protect the secret

of the lost monk's treasure!

Yeah.

But I get your point.

[BELL RINGS]

♪

Moira!

Sorry to pop in on you like this.

I just wanted you to meet

one of my clients, Victoria.

She's interested in buying some

of the pieces that didn't sell.

Now is really not a great time.

We're sorry to disturb you.

I'm just such an antiques hound.

I guess we'll come back later, okay?

Okay.

Although

I do need to get in touch with

someone on your bidding list.

She bid against me for an item.

Do you have the picture? Yeah.

Do you recognize her?

The one behind the cute couple.

MOIRA: Wait a minute, is that ?

This is my mother's ex-nurse!

I fired her when I caught her stealing.

She kept harassing us.

I-I took out a peace bond against her.

Why is she here? I

Donning a disguise to sneak back in?

This is like something out of a

- A mystery novel?

- Indeed.

We're so sorry to upset you.

We were just trying to

find out where she is.

I have no idea where she is.

I see.

Well, um I nothing?

Okay, great.

[SIGHS]

♪

♪

♪

Oh.

Oh, I'll go make us a great big drink.

I'm sorry, Mom.

What I said was really harsh.

I think I was just trying to

push you away or something,

because that's what I do

apparently.

No, I'm sorry.

I should have never

based a character on you

without asking you first.

But I promise you, it was

never meant it to be hurtful.

RORY: You won't believe this.

Carmella left me a voicemail!

CARMELLA: Rorygan O'Flanagan,

I know you have the statue.

Bring it to 1177 Carlisle

Street or someone will die.

Tell no one and come alone.

What in God's name is

up with that statue?

♪

RORY: Hmm

It's just a cat.

Whoa, whoa, whoa

I can't believe I'm about to do this,

but what is it that

Bryn Martell always says?

Uh, "Vengeance is always

best served like Vichyssoise."

Oh, "A woman's best

weapon is a black dress"?

No.

Oh, "Sometimes the wrong

man is the right answer"!

"Sometimes you have to break

a few eggs to crack a case."

- That's the one.

- I don't remember that one.

Gah! No!

Oh, I spent $3,000 on this

cat, thank you very much!

♪

Is that what I think it is?

Say, "Cheese."

RORY: Well, that's Zelda.

God, she looks awful.

VICTORIA: So Carmella

planted the camera?

Why would someone who's

supposedly stealing

from their employer set

up a secret nanny cam?

Can you fast-forward a bit?

DARBY: Wait, stop.

That's Moira.

ZELDA: Stop.

What are you giving me?

Where's Carmella?

MOIRA: Humph! Mom,

you're confused again!

Carmella quit. She couldn't handle you.

That's why I had to move

home and take care of you.

[IN A WHISPER] Not that you're grateful.

ZELDA: No, wait, wait

Uh, maybe Carmella isn't

the bad guy here after all.

Maybe she planted the

camera because she knew

Moira was up to something

and wanted to keep Zelda

from being put in a home.

Yeah, that's why she wanted it back.

That's why she chased you.

We need to talk to Carmella.

Quickly.

♪

♪

♪

[SEAGULLS CALLING IN DISTANCE]

♪

♪

♪

I told you to come alone!

They're harmless.

Except to each other.

[SIGHS]

RORY: [SIGHS]

MOIRA: [ON VIDEO] Not

that you're grateful.

ZELDA: No, wait, wait

Oh my God!

This is exactly what I was afraid of.

We have to stop Moira!

Tell us what happened

from the beginning.

I had been working with

Zelda for over a year.

We were very close.

Moira was never around.

She only ever called

when she wanted money.

One day, she showed up

and said she was moving in.

Soon after, Zelda started to

show signs of cognitive decline.

It didn't make sense; she

was always sharp as a tack.

That's why I set up the camera.

But before I could retrieve it

Moira fired you for "stealing."

Exactly.

She thought I was asking

too many questions.

I tried to get back in

the house to say goodbye,

but then she claimed

I was harassing them

and filed a peace bond.

Is that when you went to

the auction in disguise?

It was the only chance

to get that camera back.

But you outbid me.

$3,000 for something I

bought at a flea market.

Well, it was a very good reproduction

Once I heard Moira had

moved Zelda to a facility,

I knew something was wrong.

Zelda always said she'd rather die

before ending up in a place like that.

Why did you have to run me off the road?

I didn't!

You were swerving and honking

before I could even lower my window.

Well, you could have at least come back

to see if I was still alive.

I heard sirens, and

with the peace bond and everything

I'm sorry.

We saw in the footage that

she's hooked up to an IV?

What's in that?

I have no idea.

I used to give her a

daily dose of epinephrine

for her low blood sugar, dehydration.

That wouldn't cause

delusions or confusion.

If Moira figured out

that you're onto her,

you're definitely at risk.

♪

VICTORIA: Well, I got Carmella

settled in the guest room.

She's seems to be resting comfortably.

Moira said Zelda was

in a senior care home,

but in order for her to be

admitted against her will,

she would have been assessed

for cognitive decline, right?

Yeah, but you saw the video.

She could barely put

a sentence together.

Yeah, but what about after the

drugs Moira gave her wore off?

If Zelda was still as

sharp as Carmella says,

eventually she would have come around

and said something to the doctors.

Moira realized she

couldn't send Zelda away.

If she did, her secret

would be discovered.

So she's kept her in

the one place she knew

she'd never be found.

The house.

- She's still there!

- Oh!

And we're gonna need a hell

of a plan to get her out.

♪

♪

If Moira's desperate for money,

maybe she'd be willing to let

Victoria and I into the house

if we told her we were interested

in buying the remaining pieces.

It's not just a matter of getting in,

it's a matter of getting poor Zelda out,

and it would be quite a bit

easier if she wasn't drugged.

If I could get to Zelda's IV,

I could identify what she's

on and counter-dose it.

RORY: Hmm!

Uh-uh, it's too risky for

you with the peace bond.

You'll have to tell me what to do.

It's not that simple.

She may need medical supervision.

VICTORIA: [CLEARS THROAT]

Well, we do know someone

with a medical license

who would probably do

anything for you, Darby.

- Hm!

- It's for the good of the case!

It's for Zelda! Lindsay

would understand.

I'm not so sure.

But it's better than

Carmella going to prison.

So our current plan is:

my soon-to-be-wed

ex-boyfriend and I

will break into an old

widow's manor to administer

a "mystery antidote" while

you distract her evil daughter,

who's been suspicious of

us ever since we told her

that her mother's ex-nurse snuck

into her mother's estate auction

in a wig, pretending to be

someone named Francesca Diavolo.

Do I have that right?

VICTORIA: As plans go, that sounds

- 1,000% insane?

- Yes.

Well, it might work!

I mean, it's just like

one of your novels.

That is the problem. Darby is right.

This is a real investigation

with real stakes.

We have to start treating it like that.

Actually, I think Rory's right!

This case has been like one

of your novels from the get-go.

Which is why, and I can't

quite believe I'm saying this,

I think we should be asking

ourselves not what would

Darby do or Victoria, but

what would Bryn Martell do?

Bryn and her daughter, Clodagh.

♪

♪

So when you said "house call"

I know, this looks less than

- Legal?

- [CHUCKLES] Mm-hm!

But I promise I wouldn't

have asked for your help

if someone's life weren't at stake.

All right, I'm here for you.

But, respectfully, I

am not gonna be caught

climbing through some dowager's window.

At least not first, anyway.

[LAUGHS]

♪

♪

♪

♪

MOIRA: So is there a particular

piece you're looking for, or ?

VICTORIA: Um

Oh, she'll know it when she sees it.

She has a very discerning eye.

- [GLASS CLINKING]

- Mm-hm!

Oh, you must have so many wonderful

childhood memories in this house!

Yeah, sure. Lots and lots.

♪

DARBY: Carmella said

this one is Zelda's room.

♪

Mrs. Hoffman? Hello?

♪

Morphine sulfate.

- Is that bad?

- Uh-huh.

She's alive, just unconscious.

Now, we can reverse the

effects, but I'll need your help.

- Oh!

- [FLOOR CREAKS LOUDLY]

[GLASS CLANKING LOUDLY]

Oh my, these old houses!

Mine is just the same!

[MAKES A CREAKING NOISE]

Speaking of which, this

is such a big house.

Are you planning on staying here?

Yeah, I dunno. Maybe.

Ah!

[NOISILY RIFLING THROUGH GLASS TRINKETS]

Let's avoid that spot!

Agreed.

Everything good?

- Yeah.

- You sure?

Yeah!

- Let's just wake her up!

- Okay.

All right, I can set up

a saline drip to swap out

the morphine sulphate, but I need you

to administer the naloxone.

Me?

You do it! Why can't I do the IV thing?

Because I'm the one with

eight years of medical school

and I only have so many hands.

You still afraid of needles?

Naloxone is a common

antidote for opioid overdose!

Don't cops literally have

to carry that with them

in case someone ODs?

Yeah, but I always

made my partner do it.

You'll be fine.

[UNZIPS PACK]

♪

♪

- Okay?

- Okay.

- You ready?

- Yeah.

All right. Three, two, one

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMING UPSTAIRS]

Can't blame that on an old house!

Call the police! Get

out your pen camera!

DARBY: Just stay

still, okay? Don't move.

What?

What what is what is happening?

You!

How could you do this to me,

you useless waste of space!

How?

This from the mother

who always criticized me,

who never supported me,

who always hid me away

from her society friends

like I was some kind of shameful secret?

This from the daughter who was

never grateful for anything?

You're an embarrassment

who spits in my eye!

Oh, what have I done to

deserve such a wicked child?

I should have k*lled you

when I had the chance!

- [ALL GASP]

- Whoa!

Whoa, hey, hey!

Say, "Cheese!" You're on camera!

[POLICE SIRENS IN THE BACKGROUND]

I guess our relationship isn't

so dysfunctional after all.

Right?

♪

♪

I'll just be over here, just here.

Smooth, Mom. Thanks.

- Do you

- Thanks for your help.

Well, you know, we've

always made a great team.

Yeah.

I just think maybe our team

days are over for a while.

You have a new life now with Lindsay.

And I have a new life too, with

my mother.

It's not ideal,

but I'm actually sort of

okay with it at the moment.

And why wouldn't you be?

There's no case that the Spencer

Sisters can't solve together.

I can definitely see that.

There's no one quite

like the Spencer women.

♪

You should have this for evidence.

See you 'round.

Yeah.

Thank you!

♪

[AMBULANCE ENGINE

STARTS, DOORS SLAM SHUT]

♪

[POLICE SIREN WHOOPS]

Ugh, you two! I thought I told you to

Do your job for you? No.

But we did it anyway, so you're welcome.

This is all the evidence you

should need to convict Moira

of elder abuse and forcible confinement.

Should be another slam dunk conviction,

unless you want us to

report it ourselves?

Wha no.

No, no, I-I [STAMMERS]

Thank you for bringing

this to me personally.

Of course. Oh, and Detective?

I think you owe Rory here an apology.

I'm I'm sorry, for what?

For doubting him.

It just seems like the right thing to do

under the circumstances, you know?

- VICTORIA: Yes!

- RORY: [CLEARS THROAT]

Mr. Iseñor, I regret

that we weren't able to use

- police resources to

- Mm-mm!

- Mm-mm!

- No, no.

- Try again.

- Okay.

I'm sorry.

I was wrong.

You were right.

How very gracious of you, Detective.

Okay

- Good.

- [LAUGHS]

Thank you. I really did need that.

It was our pleasure!

Some of the time.

Oh, all of the time!

DARBY: Okay!

VICTORIA: Ugh, this

case! I mean, those two?

There is not enough therapy

in the world! [LAUGHS]

For what it's worth, Mom,

I know you weren't actually

trying to replace me.

Never.

I just

With Clodagh, I wanted to

get it right first, you know?

I wanted to make it clear

that Clodagh was the thing

that Bryn was missing all along.

That she needed her.

I can see that.

And who knows?

Maybe Clodagh will end

up feeling the same way.

Does this mean I get to

keep her in the book?!

- She can stay.

- Oh, yes!

- You have to change her name.

- What?

Ugh! Okay Bésame?

- No.

- Um

- Italia?

- That's worse!

Oh, I've got it! Cayenne!

No! Mom, absolutely not!

But you're so spicy!

DARBY: I like Agatha.

VICTORIA: Ugh! No way!

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪