[dog barking]
[crickets chirping]
Shift's over.
[dog barking]
Now, where could that
silly scarecrow be?
-[distant thump]
-Oh, what in the world was that?
Oh, it's just a silly
old scarecrow.
Not buying it, eh? [chuckles]
I never was much of an actor.
But it's gonna be
a cold day in hell
before you pull one over
on old Aleister.
Now, get inside.
[dog barking]
More corn went
in the silo today.
There's even corn syrup
in this soup. [chuckles]
We're living off
the government's teat.
They're paying for this soup.
[chuckles] b*stards.
You can't even taste
the corn. Mm!
The Connelly boys came by,
wanted to buy the farm again.
Upped their offer $10,000.
[thuds]
Yeah, you're right.
I could never sell the farm.
And the Connellys are never
gonna own this land.
Never.
Hey, did I ever tell you
about the time
my truck broke down
out on Highway 61?
Sing a little song
before you go to bed
And then when you wake up
You will have a wet head
[sighs]
Been needin' a good rain.
[glass cracks]
[solemn music]
[sighs]
[sighs heavily]
Had to happen sometime.
Billy, I got somethin'
I gotta tell you.
[gasping]
[loud thud]
[hiss of static]
[somber music]
[crack of thunder]
[rain patters loudly]
[wind howling]
[horn honking distantly]
[traffic rumbling]
[cell phone ringing]
[sighs]
Oh.
Hey.
Wait, what?
[sighs]
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I'll be there soon.
No, no, I'll be okay.
Love you, too.
[bag rustles]
I felt like he would have
wanted to be cremated.
I--
I'm sorry.
It was a really nice wake, Mom.
Thanks.
I hope he would've liked it.
Listen, um, I didn't want
to mention this
earlier in front of everyone,
but there was a reading
of the will earlier today.
And...
he left you the farm.
What?
All of it?
[Gwen] Yeah.
What am I supposed
to do with a farm?
[Gwen] I don't know.
[laughs]
Uh...
Some people around here
actually thought
that I was gonna get it,
and approached me with an offer.
I don't know too much
about this sort of thing,
but... it seemed
pretty generous.
There's no rush.
[car rumbling]
[car engine shuts off]
[birds chirping]
[door creaking]
Wow.
It smells weird in here.
Does it smell weird to you?
It smells like it always has.
Okay. All right.
Oh, no, we can put
the bags away later.
-Oh, all right.
-I wanna show you around.
-Come on.
-Cool.
Ooh, okay, so my grandma
used to make pancakes
every time I would come over.
And I remember,
I'd run down the stairs,
sit in that seat,
and I would just bounce
up and down
while Grandpa smoked
his morning cigar.
Oh.
He had one every morning?
Yeah.
Uh, the walls must be ruined.
Yeah.
I guess.
You can frame it as a rustic
charm or something.
Yeah.
I can't believe
he kept this up so long.
Ew.
Well, it looks like we've got
our work cut out for us.
Yeah, I don't think he was
planning on dying, Justin.
I'm sure if he'd made it
to the weekend,
the place would've
looked a lot nicer for you.
[Justin] No, I know, I know.
Do you?
Because I think I had
to drag you to the funeral,
and I know I had
to drag you out here.
All right, and look,
I get you never met my grandpa.
But you could show
a little empathy.
You know why
I never met your grandpa.
Can you tell me
with 100% certainty
that your grandpa
would have approved of me?
That he would've approved of us?
[Allen] I don't know.
I hope so.
I hope so, too.
And look, I'm sorry.
Like, I know
this isn't about me.
This is just the kind
of place that...
people who don't approve
of me live.
You know?
It's the kind of place I left.
Look, I'll stop being
such a b*tch, okay?
You're not--
You're not being a b*tch.
Not even a little bit?
Well...
obviously a little.
[both laugh]
I mean, it's kinda cute.
In, like, an old,
inconvenient way.
Hmm. I know what you mean.
It's the kind of place I could
see myself settling down.
Wait, you wanna live here?
I mean, no, not here.
Just, somewhere like it.
I don't know.
I mean, maybe here.
Maybe I could work something out
with the Connellys.
I mean, but how would
you get groceries?
Like, where would you go
to... talk to people?
Well, I think they--
you can get that delivered.
Or I could just drive out
to the city.
It's not that bad.
Yeah.
I mean, I guess. Sure.
[sighs heavily]
I guess I better get started.
[clanking]
[solemn music]
[Justin] What you got there?
Dowsing rods.
My grandpa taught me
how to use them as a kid.
-What's a dowsing rod?
-It's this.
No, you use them to find water,
and minerals,
and sometimes graves.
-Graves?
-Uh-huh.
I mean, it's--
it's mostly for water.
Huh.
-You wanna try?
-Cool.
-Sure.
-Cool.
All right, so,
hold them like this.
-Oh.
-All right.
And then when they're pointed
in the direction of water,
the rods are supposed to--
moves like that,
cross a little bit.
-Okay.
-All right. Right. Ready?
All right.
So, just kinda like this?
-Yeah. That's perfect.
-And turn?
-Okay.
-Go.
[suspenseful music]
Whoa.
That's pointed right
at the bathroom.
-No way.
-Uh-huh.
Ha, I'm telling you,
there might do something to it.
Hmm.
Yeah.
What's this mean?
No idea.
-Weird.
-[laughs]
Okay, you ready for some dinner?
Yes, God, I'm starving.
[door slams]
[eerie music]
Did you leave the door open?
No.
-Did you?
-Mm-mm.
[dog barking]
Hello?
Hello?
[eerie music]
[Justin] So, I looked it up.
Bill Nye says that the rods move
due to small, unconscious
movements that we make.
He says that anything else
is just a...
pseudoscience.
I used to love Bill Nye.
You know, in middle school.
He taught me so much about
gravity, and magnets,
and... fashion.
Oh, yeah.
He was great.
[sighs]
So, what was your favorite
Bill Nye episode growing up?
I don't know.
Do you remember the one
where he shits all over
my dead grandpa?
No, I can't say
I remember that one.
[Allen sighs]
It's fine. I don't even know
why I brought it up.
[eerie music]
[music turns solemn]
[thumps loudly]
[rustling]
[eerie music]
[light switch clicks]
[door latch clicks]
[door latch clicks]
[door thuds]
[suspenseful music]
[suspenseful music builds]
[Allen sniffles]
[solemn music]
[Justin] Getting a lot
of work done over here?
Sorry.
[record player arm creaks]
[record player clicks on]
["Echoes of the Ozarks"
by Catherine Barron Para
& David Para playing]
Oh, no, thanks.
You're just--
You're just such a dork.
Wow.
Okay. All right.
Whoa.
My goodness.
I'll-- I'll try to follow you,
I guess.
-You better.
-Okay.
[chuckles]
Listen, I'm-- I'm sorry
about last night.
I think your grandfather's
old folk magic is cute.
He, uh, you know,
he cursed people, you know?
-Oh, really?
-Uh-huh.
Yeah, so you better watch out.
I might have to put
a curse on you.
We live in a cramped
one-bedroom apartment,
in an urban hell, like...
what curse could your
corn-eating grandfather
have for us?
Well, I'm-- I'm sure
I can think of something.
I'm sure you could.
[light knocking]
Hmm, the g*ng's early.
[music turns off]
Oh, hey. Mr. Connelly.
I'm glad you could make it out.
Oh, Allen, please,
call me Bryan.
Oh, you gotta be Justin, huh?
It's nice to meet you.
Hmm. Hey, look, I just
want to say thank you
for letting me come out here,
take a look at the place,
before the sale goes through.
Yeah, I know, of course.
Of course, uh,
do you want to come in?
[Bryan] Nah.
I'm probably just gonna end up
bulldozing the place, anyway.
-Yeah. That makes sense.
-[Bryan] It's gonna be done.
-Yeah.
-Um...
Uh, well, do you want me
to show you around?
No, I think I can manage.
Yeah, you've seen one farm,
you've seen 'em all, you know?
-[Allen] Yeah.
-Yeah.
[Allen] Uh, well, I guess if you
need anything, just let us know.
-Appreciate that.
-[Allen] Yeah.
Thank you.
[Justin sighs]
Jesus, what a tool.
Yeah.
Hey, is there anything
you want to see
before the bulldozer gets here?
Sure.
[birds chirping]
Yeah, that's good dirt.
Of course I know what
good dirt is, Dad.
I'm a farmer.
Okay, okay, so, I've never
been on a farm before.
I own plenty of 'em,
though, okay?
Oh, yeah, that's-- yeah, you--
you own all of 'em,
that's right.
Yeah, yeah.
Until the lung cancer
f*ck' kills you!
[sighs]
No. No, no, no. Sorry.
No, it's all under control.
You don't have to worry.
Man, thank God
that old guy died, man.
I was ready to k*ll
that f*ck' redneck myself.
Good God.
No, no.
I'll call you and let you know
how everything goes.
All right. See ya.
sh*t.
All right.
[ominous music]
How's it goin' in here?
Hey, uh, why was all this
in the trash?
Um, I just didn't think
you'd need any of it.
I mean, when are you
gonna wear this?
Like, are you putting together,
like, a farmer drag persona?
Hey, y'all, I'm Amber Waves,
and when we're on my farm,
we play by my rules.
Rule Number One.
Snitches get stitches.
[Allen chuckles]
This was his hat.
I know. I know you
want to keep it all,
but we just don't have room
for everything in our apartment.
I was thinking, um,
with the money from the sale,
we could maybe get a new place.
Probably not in the city,
but somewhere in the suburbs.
And it wouldn't quite be big
enough for everything, but...
-it'd be a start.
-[scoffs]
Wait, since when are we moving?
-Oh.
-[forceful knocking]
[pounding on door]
[glass clinking]
-[Britt] Wie geht's, my boys!
-[Allen] Oh. [laughs]
-[Britt] Ohh!
-[Allen] Wie geht's?
Yeah, what's up? What's good?
But in German.
[Shane] Allen. Good to see you.
[laughing]
-It's the Juice.
-[Justin] Hey, Shane.
-Hey, what's up, man?
-How you doing?
-How's it goin'?
-Goin' good, man. Good.
-Good to see you.
-Hang in there. Oh, you--
Oh, and yeah, seriously,
guys, thanks for coming.
I really,
really appreciate the help.
If you want to just leave
the bags here,
I'll show you around.
Um, this is the living room.
And Britt and Shane,
y'all will be crashing in here.
Uh, figure out
the sleeping situations.
-Call the couch.
-She gets the couch.
Yeah, so, uh, Lisa and Luke,
I figured I'd give
you guys some privacy.
Hmm.
-Ooh!
-Quit it, you perv.
We're all adults here.
I mean, come on.
Not you.
By the way,
this is the room I would
stay in whenever
I'd come over as a kid.
[Lisa] Oh, did you draw this?
[Allen] I... I don't think so.
Don't be ashamed
of it now, Allen.
It's like the Mona Lisa
of stick-figure drawings.
If the Mona Lisa of stick-figure
drawings was bad.
Who is Billy?
[eerie music]
[Shane] Yo, what's up
with all this voodoo sh*t?
-Some dope-a*s drumsticks.
-[laughing]
Hey!
They're not drumsticks,
you moron.
They're dowsing rods.
Oh, come on, we're--
I didn't know your grandpa
was into this kind of stuff.
[Shane] You guys got any food?
[Luke] Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot,
hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!
Hot, hot, hot! Hot!
-Pizza time!
-Ooh!
[Luke] Shane!
Shane, Shane, Shane!
-Oh! Mm! Mm!
-[Britt] Oh!
-[Shane] Hot, hot, hot!
-Dude, it's hot, hot,
it's still hot, I said that.
-Just spit it out.
-[Shane groaning]
My God!
Okay, well, while the rest
of us wait like normal people...
-[bottles clink]
-Oh, sh*t.
[heavy thump]
-Oh, amazing.
-I don't know.
[laughing]
I brought some party with me.
Oh, gosh.
[lid clatters]
[sighs]
[Lisa and Luke laughing]
Oh!
Ah! Oh, my God.
It smells like paint thinner.
Hey, it may not be
the highest quality hooch,
but it's the thought
that counts, right?
-Right on.
-What was the thought, exactly?
We're supposed to be packing.
Come on, don't you
remember the farm parties
back in high school?
Hanging out with all
the Amish kids on Rumspringa.
Man, those barn-builders
could party.
Right on.
[sighs]
I just thought we could relive
some of the glory days.
Please?
All right, but we actually
have to get
some work done first, okay?
No, wait, like, before--
[laughing] Mm!
Put it down.
Here, give it to me.
Gimme.
[Luke and Lisa laughing]
[Lisa] So, what's the story
behind this little guy?
-What do you mean?
-I mean, what's his story?
How long has
your grandfather had him,
or where'd he come from?
Oh, uh, I don't know.
I mean, he probably bought it,
I guess, at some point.
It was just his. I--
-You good?
-[Luke sighs]
What, what's she doing?
Uh, she's, uh, been practicing
this with her mentor.
Uh, she's unlocking
her psychic abilities.
Um...
It's called psychometry.
Psychometry. Psychometry?
Psychometry.
And I'm trying to concentrate.
She concentrates real hard,
and makes up a backstory
for anything.
I'm getting a strong
connection to Pennsylvania.
I believe he was made there.
Two women owned him
before your grandfather.
Amy and Janelle.
They needed to make space
when they decided
to move to the city,
so they got rid of him.
He misses them.
But he loved
your grandfather very much.
That's fantastic. Wonderful.
How many siblings has it had?
-What's its favorite food?
-No, don't.
Hey, ignore him. That was nice.
And really impressive.
Thank you.
Not everyone
appreciates my gift.
So, uh, how's Justin?
-He's good.
-Good? Yeah?
Must've been, like, a year now?
-A year and a half, actually.
-A year and a half.
-Mm-hmm.
-Hmm...
Everything-- are you happy?
-You good?
-Yeah, I'd say so.
I mean, happy enough.
Uh, I think we might use
the money from the farm
to actually buy a place,
you know,
somewhere out of the city.
[sighs] That's a big step.
-He good with that?
-[Allen] Yeah.
-Yeah?
-[Allen] Sort of.
I don't know, I--
I just kinda sprung it on him.
Gotcha. So, he's not
committed at all?
No, that's not what I'm saying.
-Mm! Mm.
-Put 'er down.
Fill me up, B-dog.
[moonshine gurgling]
He's gotten so many
damn cups already.
I don't know where he thinks
we're gonna keep all of 'em.
Yeah, that's a lot
of stuff, man.
What's he gonna do
with all that?
Ah, he's got some auctioneer
or something coming on Monday.
And he's going to sell off
most of the farm equipment,
and whatever else Allen
doesn't try to shove
into our apartment.
Oh.
Like grandfather, like grandson.
[Justin] Yeah, I'm not
looking forward to the day
we're on Hoarders.
-See, I couldn't do that.
-Mm-mm.
Surrounded by sentimental junk,
living in the past.
I'm all about the moment, Juice.
-You feel me?
-[scoffs]
That's great, Shane.
In which moment would you
like to start helping me?
-He's helping.
-Oh.
Helping himself to one
of my signature c*ck.
-That's right.
-[laughing]
[Justin scoffs] Yeah.
"Signature." You didn't invent
the screwdriver, Britt.
[Britt] No,
but I did add way more vodka.
Call it... the screwed-driver.
-[both laughing]
-[Shane] The screwed-driver!
Yeah!
You should try one, clever dude.
Yo, honey,
we'll catch up with you, okay?
-[Lisa] Luke?
-We'll catch up with you.
-It's cool.
-[Lisa] Come on.
It's cool. Give us a minute.
How you doing for real, man?
Fine. You know,
fine as I can be.
It's hard.
He and I were close
when I was a kid.
[Luke] Yeah, I get that.
I'm not worried about that.
I'm worried about
how's Justin treating you
-through all this?
-Justin's fine.
Justin's fine. He's been great.
Really supportive
throughout this whole thing.
Look at me.
He's trying his best, okay?
I don't think
he's lost anyone before.
Plus, it's f*cking weird
out here for him, okay?
It reminds him too much
of where he grew up.
Yeah, but it's not about him.
It's about you and your grandpa.
All right, Luke,
if you gotta say something,
-f*cking say it, okay?
-[Luke] I'm trying to
be your friend and
f*cking look out for you.
Okay, just do a better job,
all right?
[Luke] f*ck off.
One, two, three.
-Guys.
-[Shane coughs]
Guys, we've barely
gotten anything done yet.
[coughing] Oh, oh, my bad, man.
We were just trying
to have a little fun.
Your bad? We're not here
to have f*cking fun, Shane.
Dude, I'm sorry.
-We'll-- we'll get started.
-[Allen] No.
Sorry. I'm sorry.
Guys, you know this
isn't fun for me, right?
[Shane] Of course.
Allen, uh...
We were just trying
to cheer you up.
I'm sorry.
My bad, man.
You know what? Um, I think
we have some time tomorrow.
Uh, we can get a few more
things in the back of the car.
Um, and then Lisa,
could you take me to my mom's?
We could drop something off?
-Yeah, no problem.
-Awesome. Cool. Cool.
And then we party?
-Then we party.
-Right on.
Uh, Luke, make sure
they do something, okay?
Is that one good to go?
Yep.
You're amazing.
I try.
[unsettling music]
Mmm.
[gasps] Oh, my God.
Lisa. Come here.
Oh! How are you?
-Good.
-Has Luke locked you down yet?
Uh, no, no, not really.
You kids. When I was your age,
I would've married the first man
off the street that asked me.
I mean, not-- not really.
Obviously.
I had a lot of boyfriends
before your dad, you know.
Mom, that--
I'm gonna go unload the car.
You two should catch up,
all right?
Okay!
How are you?
Um, I'm okay.
Everyone made it
out to the farm,
so we should get everything
packed up fast enough.
Have you decided what you're
gonna do with the money yet?
Yeah.
I mean,
obviously pay off some debt.
The rest I haven't
quite figured out yet.
Do you think I'm doing
the right thing?
I don't know.
What do you think?
I think I wouldn't know
how to run a farm.
That I'd be far away
from everyone.
The money is nice.
And that...
Justin wouldn't want
to live out there.
Have I ever told you
about when your dad and I
decided to move in together?
I don't think so.
Your dad loved that farm.
If it had been up to him,
I would've just packed my bags,
and we would've all
lived up there together
like the g*dd*mn Waltons.
-Do I know the Waltons?
-[Gwen laughs]
It doesn't matter. Anyway. Um...
I was insistent that...
that we leave,
find a place here in town.
So we lived above a laundromat
for five years,
saving up money
for our down payment.
If he had his way,
we would've just kept on saving
until we had enough money to buy
our own little farm
out in the country.
Which would have taken a while,
even back then.
But I wanted to be
close to my job.
And I wanted to have you.
And I wanted to have...
other kids for neighbors
instead of scarecrows and corn.
And he agreed.
Because he loved me.
And he wanted a future with me.
But every time we went out
to your grandpa's farm,
his eyes and yours,
they just lit right up.
Am I helping?
Oh, um...
I mean, not really, but...
thank you.
[Gwen] I'm sorry, sweetie.
You'll figure out what's best.
Where do you want this, Gwen?
[laughs] I'll help you
bring it upstairs.
Oh, no, no, no,
don't let me interrupt.
I'll take it up there.
She's very independent,
isn't she?
Yeah.
So, have you found
anything good yet?
Yeah, actually. Some old
records Grandpa used to put on,
and a few knick-knacks
I remember liking.
Do you remember me making this?
No.
You must have made it
while I wasn't there.
[Allen] Yeah, maybe, but...
I really don't
remember making it.
Well, you would've been pretty
young based on the skill set.
You used to draw pictures
of your grandpa
and your dad all the time.
There's no way you'd
remember all of 'em.
Well, yeah, but that's not Dad.
Sure it is.
Your grandpa used to call
him Billy all the time.
You must have picked up on it.
[Lisa] Round two,
here I go! [grunting]
Come on, let's go help
little Miss Muscles
before she breaks
herself in half.
[Allen] Lisa, careful.
[Lisa humming]
Hey, has Luke said anything
to you about Justin?
No.
Why?
Has he said anything to you?
No, not really.
He was asking questions,
and it...
sounds like
he's not crazy about him.
Of course Luke likes Justin,
Allen. Why wouldn't he?
We all do,
and we think he's good for you.
Don't listen to Luke.
He's just a grumpy old man
who's trapped inside
of a 25-year-old's body.
All right?
-[Shane] Check this one out.
-[Britt] Mm-hmm. Okay.
[Shane] Sick.
[mocking] Sick!
Next time.
Come on, man, you gonna leave
me hanging like this, Juice?
Come on.
I don't know, beer pong's
just not really my game.
[Britt] You're just afraid we're
gonna beat your a*s, Justin.
[Luke]
What is your game, Justin?
I don't know.
I'm good at poker, I guess.
[Luke] Yeah, you would be.
Yeah, I think it's my turn.
What, you got
something to say, Luke?
I just think you have probably
a pretty good poker face.
You know, you've never
really liked me, Luke.
Any particular reason, or
is it just something about me?
[Luke] All right, chill,
it's not 'cause you're g*y.
-You sure about that?
-f*ck you for saying that,
and no, it's because you're
a shitty f*cking boyfriend.
[scoffs] Our relationship
is none of your business.
It's all my business.
I've know him a lot longer
than you have.
All right.
Everyone ready to party?
[Britt] Yeah!
Guys, I'm gonna go get it.
-I have to.
-Please, no.
Come on, please, please
don't be that guy.
[Shane] I've gotten
so much better.
If you play "Wonderwall,"
I swear to God,
I will k*ll everyone here,
and then myself.
-[Shane scoffs] Whoa.
-Deplorable.
[Shane] Chill.
It's gonna be fine.
[Lisa] Oh, goddess.
-[indistinct]
-I think a guitar.
[Britt] So, Allen,
how's your mom?
Oh, she's good.
Uh, you know,
still kind of sad, but...
you know, I think she's
mostly worried about me.
And I think other than that,
she's actually--
she's doing okay.
Good. Man, I miss that woman.
After you moved away,
I didn't have a good reason
to go see her.
You miss the chili?
Yes, dude!
Oh, I f*cking love that chili.
-Right? Mm!
-Yes!
I prefer turkey chili,
to be honest.
[scoffs] You f*cking would.
[Justin] I mean,
hers is good, too.
I get what you mean, Justin.
I prefer tofu chili.
Yeah, whatever.
Whatever you say.
[Shane] Why would you
willingly eat tofu?
Um, because I believe life
has value,
and my "right" to eat
a double bacon cheese-filled
diabetes burger
is actually less important than
a beautiful creature's
right to a happy, healthy life.
f*ck, a burger sounds
so good right now.
Chili burger?
-Yeah!
-Right on, yo!
All right, well, this is
a little something I whipped up
for Allen's grandpa,
may he rest in peace.
-[Allen] Yeah, thanks.
-Yeah.
It goes like this.
-[strums gently]
-Yeah.
I'm gettin' kinda old
My farm is getting sold
I still live in the room
that I was born
My neighbors moved away
The only one who's stayed
Is an ugly-a*s scarecrow
in the corn
Shane!
f*cking stop, man. Seriously.
Dude. I thought that...
-I thought you guys liked it.
-[Luke] Just stop.
-It's good.
-I'm gonna go get some air.
Allen.
Thanks, Shane.
You guys said
not to do "Wonderwall."
I kind of liked it.
[Justin] Shane is such
a f*cking idiot.
He's just trying to help.
You don't have to defend him.
He was being an as*h*le.
-You have every right to be mad.
-[loudly] I'm not f*cking mad!
I don't wanna be mad.
I just wanna be normal.
Okay? Just a couple days.
Let me take
a f*cking couple minutes.
I wanna feel like the floor
is falling out beneath my feet,
you know?
You wouldn't f*cking know.
[Allen sniffles]
I thought having everyone
out here would help.
I still feel f*cking alone.
I know.
Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
[groans]
We should go back,
um, before they...
set something on fire.
Yeah. Come on.
[all] One, two, three!
-Yeah!
-Oh-h*!
-Okay, okay. It's my turn.
-Okay.
Who's most likely
to join a cult?
Oh.
-What? No!
-Definitely. Definitely.
No, okay, I just wanna say
that I heavily disagree
with this sentiment.
One, two, three!
Oh, goddess.
That's awful.
Yeah, okay.
I'm more of an herb girlie.
[groans]
-Oh!
-[Britt] Hey!
Now it's a party!
Come on,
we're playing Most Likely To.
What's "Most Likely To"?
It's that stupid f*cking game
we used to play in high school.
Basically, you ask the group
who's most likely
to do something,
and everyone
points a finger at someone.
Whoever gets the most fingers
pointed at them has to drink.
Juice,
you should ask a question.
-Go ahead.
-Yeah.
Oh, okay. Um...
Who's most likely to
get food poisoning?
Uh...
I'm sorry,
I couldn't think of anything.
No, that was good.
-Money's on Luke.
-[Luke] f*ck off.
Dude, you were the guy
that got sick
from those disgusting
convenience store deviled eggs.
-Ew!
-Like, twice.
-[Luke] They were really good.
-They're not!
-Yes, they are!
-Start drinking.
If they poison you,
they're not good.
[all] One, two, three!
[Allen] Let's count slower
for him next time.
[grunts] Okay, f*ck you.
You know what? If that's
the way you wanna play,
who's most likely
to get gonorrhea?
[Allen] No, wait, does it count
if they already have it?
That was one time.
Uncool, uncool.
-You don't have it once.
-[laughs]
You have it forever.
[all] One, two, three!
[laughing]
[Justin] Oh, my God.
Good job, Shane.
[eerie music]
I like this cute little guy.
He's a cute little man.
With his little blueberries.
You see him?
Are you having a good time?
-Mm-hmm. Yeah.
-Good.
You know what, I want you
to have a good time.
Mm-mm. Nope. I want you
to have a great time.
-Thank you.
-Mm-hmm.
Yep, I am. You should probably
get going to bed soon, though.
What? Uh-uh.
-You should get going to bed.
-Nope.
Right, guys? Should pack it in.
Nope. We're staying out here.
-Okay.
-You know what?
We're gonna f*cking
sleep out here.
[Lisa] Oh, my goddess, yes!
You wanna stay out here
with the bugs and the dirt?
That's how our ancestors
did it, Justin.
If it's good enough for them,
it's good enough for us.
Please.
-Please.
-Okay--
Don't make me cuddle up
with Britt.
Dude, look at me.
f*cking look at me.
-Okay.
-She f*cking farts in her sleep.
All right. Okay.
I will go get the blankets.
-You. You're the GOAT.
-[Justin] Sweet baby boy.
[Shane] Blankets.
That sounds good.
-I'll come too.
-Guys...
We're f*cking camping!
Sorry.
-[Britt snoring]
-She's good.
[tense music]
Need some assistance?
No. I'm fine.
Well, I just thought, you know,
we all need some blankets.
I can help you.
With the blankets.
Whatever, dude.
Just grab what you can carry.
Juice, I'm not here
to grab blankets.
[Justin] All right, well,
if you're not here to help,
just stay out of my way,
all right?
I mean...
there's a bed.
You, me.
Alcohol.
Basically writes itself.
[Justin]
Wha-- what are you doing?
I think you know what I'm doing.
Bro, what the f*ck?
Oh, my God.
-Don't be so lame.
-What the f*ck?
I'm just trying
to have a good time.
Ugh. Aren't you straight?
f*ck, bro.
With the labels, man.
-I'm just trying to--
-Bro, I have a boyfriend.
Oh, yeah. Allen.
"Oh, I'm sad and lame."
His grandpa just f*cking died.
-Yeah, we all know.
-Dickhead.
I wanna show you
a good time that
-Allen's never shown you.
-Bro, I don't know what
this sexuality crisis is,
or whatever this is.
-Come on, man.
-Oh, my God. I'm so tired.
-Just come over here.
-But, dude,
just keep me the f*ck
out of it, all right?
-Come on, don't be so lame.
-Stop. Get out of my way.
-All right?
-Don't be a p*ssy.
-Come on.
-Dude.
Get the f*ck out of here.
[Justin sighs] f*ck.
Hey.
Don't go saying sh*t.
[Justin] Or what?
I'll f*cking kick your a*s,
that's what.
Or you can come in here.
[Justin] I would love
to see you try that.
[footsteps retreating]
p*ssy.
[gasps]
Piss. I gotta piss.
Guys, I'm gonna go piss.
[eerie music]
That's not the house.
Anyone in here?
Mind if I take a piss?
Okay.
[urine trickling]
[exhales]
[trickling stops]
[zipping]
sh*t! Oh, f*ck.
sh*t, man, you scared me.
Allen? Is that you?
Is that you, man?
Nah, that's gotta be Shane.
[chuckles]
You got me good, Shane.
You got me.
Did you know
this place was here?
It's wicked cool.
[laughs]
We should've partied here.
It's a shame Allen's selling
the place, you know?
It's a cool place.
Yeah, but money will be nice.
Ah, screw this place.
Allen's gonna be rich.
Oh, man.
Rich guys throw
the best parties.
I can't wait to see what
kind of place Allen gets
with all that cash.
Shane, why do you got
that weird mask on?
[Britt screaming]
[thudding]
[whirring]
[birds chirping]
[phone ringing]
Hey, Mom.
Yeah, I'm fine. You know,
just a long night of packing.
What?
Um, yeah, uh,
stuff's going great.
I think we have
a few trips we can make.
Sounds great.
I'll be sure
to let everyone know.
Hey, my mom is expecting us
later for food.
[Justin] Mm.
We should wake the g*ng.
Okay, you go get ready,
and I'll wake them up.
I got this.
Hey, wake up.
-Oh, hell, no. Oh, hell, no.
-[Justin] Come on.
Oh! It's so hot in here.
[sighs] I'll take care of him.
Come on.
[groans] I'm so sleepy.
Baby, come on.
I wanna stay in bed all day.
-[Lisa growling]
-[Luke grunting]
God! Why'd you do that?
-[Lisa] Come on, let's go.
-Oh! God.
How much did
we drink last night?
f*ck.
[tense music]
We're missing a couple people.
I think Shane ended up upstairs.
Okay. Um...
Has anyone seen Britt?
Not since last night.
Yeah. I think I heard her go,
"I gotta pee, I gotta pee."
Then I fell back asleep.
Okay. Um, um...
I guess we should
go look for her.
What?
Whoa, hey, guys, guys.
Like, she'll turn up, right?
Can we eat something first.
I'm starving.
-Allen?
-Mm-hmm?
Did you bring something
other than pizza bites?
Uh, we brought some
frozen mini corndogs.
-[groans]
-I'm sorry,
I forgot about breakfast.
Um, I doubt there's much that's
still good in the cabinets,
but maybe some rice.
Maybe, like, cornflakes.
[Luke groans]
I figured this might happen,
so I went ahead
and I packed us some apricots,
bananas, apples, pears.
Lisa, is that why
your bag was so heavy?
Well, that and
my emergency ritual kit.
Awesome, I love you,
you're perfect,
and I'm gonna go make some rice.
Fine by me.
Oh, hey, we did bring some milk
if you wanna add some of that,
and then some brown sugar.
[Luke]
Milk and brown sugar with rice?
Just try it, okay? It's good.
[Luke] All right, whatever
you say, Chef Allen.
Hmm. [smacking lips]
Okay, um, so we're gonna
eat some breakfast,
and then we're gonna do
a little more packing, and...
when Britt decides
to bless us with her presence,
we can all go to my mom's
for some real food.
-Sounds good.
-[Shane] Oh, hallelujah.
[gentle music]
[Justin] Allen.
This is still a lot of stuff.
Oh, I know. Uh, I figured
we'd take it all to my mom's
and just worry about it later.
I hear you, but you're
taking way too much stuff,
and you're only leaving
a little bit for the auction.
[Allen] I know, okay?
Give me a break.
Look, I know you need help
and you need time,
but I'm-- I'm just
trying to help.
I'm not trying
to be, like, a d*ck, right--
Well, then stop f*cking
being one, Justin.
Where's Britt?
[Shane] Uh...
[Allen] Okay, Lisa, Luke,
check out by the barn.
Shane?
-Put down the f*cking yo-yo.
-Yeah, man.
Yeah, yeah, sounds good.
[Shane] But I like to yo-yo.
Are you happy with yourself?
-Oh, sh*t, am I in trouble?
-Yeah, mm-hmm.
A little bit, yeah,
not gonna lie.
What if they break up over this?
Then they break up over this,
and Allen can be happy.
Oh, 'cause you know
what will make Allen happy.
Yeah, I got a pretty good idea.
I've known him longer
than Justin has.
Well, then you should just
go ahead and marry Allen.
Ouch. But dude does have a farm.
All right, all right.
I get what you're saying, okay?
But your whole crew
is a lot to take in.
I had a hard time
getting used to them, too.
-Give him a break.
-Oh, my God.
He sucks. But you're right.
You're always right.
When we get back,
we'll sit down and we'll talk,
clear the air, all right?
-I don't like feelings.
-I know you don't.
Even when you're an as*h*le,
I'm still in love with you.
That's because I'm very loveable
when I'm being an as*h*le.
That thing's seen
better days, huh?
Lisa, don't go in there.
Don't go in there.
Don't go in there.
-Don't go in there.
-[Allen] Britt!
[Shane] Britt!
Britt!
[Shane] B-dog!
[Allen] Britt!
I hope they're having
better luck than we are.
Yeah, I hope Britt's okay.
You and, uh, and the Juice.
Sounds a little tense.
Nah, we're--
we're both just tired.
[Shane] Yeah. I bet.
I bet he's tired, yeah.
We were up pretty late.
I don't know about you.
But I haven't-- I haven't had
a night like that since college.
He didn't mention
anything last night?
-What do you mean?
-What happened?
-What do you mean?
-[Shane] Nah, forget it.
He was drunk. No biggie.
What are you talking about?
I didn't want to bring this up,
but, like, he, like,
you guys went to bed,
and everyone was asleep,
-and he, like...
-What?
...came on to me.
He was like, "Shane, I've been
looking at you all weekend."
was kind of waiting to,
make, you know, like, a move.
You hit on my boyfriend?
No, no, no. He hit on me.
Justin wouldn't do that,
but you...
-What?
-...I think you might.
Dude, I'm not even g*y, bro.
Why would I hit
on your boyfriend?
I don't know, Shane.
Do you want to talk about it?
Safe space, you know, if
you're going through something.
Talk about what? I'm fine.
You know me. I'm good.
Shane, you've never been fine.
Look, I don't want
to start anything.
I just thought you should know.
Shane, you're always
trying to start something.
-No, I'm not.
-Yeah.
It's always gotta be about you.
Even when we're looking
for our friend,
-in the middle of this field--
-Britt's gonna be fine.
On my dead grandpa's
farm, buddy.
It's always gotta be about you.
Britt!
Dude, I thought I could just
come to you and, like,
trust you with this.
That's victim blaming, bro.
Shut the f*ck up.
[Shane] Britt!
What? I just thought
you should know, man. Okay?
You know,
everyone else notices it,
but I'll be the one
to tell you, Allen.
Allen!
Your precious new guy
in there is a f*cking sl*t.
[dramatic music]
What are you gonna do?
[spits forcefully]
[grunting]
What else you got,
grandpa's boy?
[footsteps approaching]
[choking]
-f*ck this.
-[running footsteps]
Ugh, you know, I know you
like places like this,
and weird, creepy sh*t,
that's really creeping me out.
I like it.
It's got history.
Character.
Character?
Hey Luke,
I found something pretty cool.
[suspenseful music]
[music builds]
[retching]
[Luke vomiting]
Oh my goddess, what is wrong?
Luke!
[Luke] Lisa, what the f*ck?
It's Britt.
-Oh my gosh.
-[Luke] What the f*ck?
-We need to get Allen and Shane.
-Lisa, it's f*cking Britt.
-Come on, let's go.
-It's f*cking Britt.
-[screaming]
-Oh! No, no, no, no, no.
Oh, God. Oh, my God, Lisa.
Oh, God.
He is wearing Britt's hat.
You're wearing Britt's hat.
You k*lled Britt.
-Luke!
-Give me this.
-[Luke grunting]
-[thudding]
There's no blood.
There's no f*cking blood.
-Put it down.
-What the f*ck?
What the f*ck!
[tense music]
[both panting]
Guys, where the f*ck is Britt?
-She's dead in the barn.
-Jesus Christ.
-Where's Shane?
-He's dead.
What?
What do you mean, he's dead?
What the hell is going on
down here?
[eerie music]
[Justin] k*ller scarecrows?
Yes, man, k*ller scarecrows.
Dude, stop messing with me.
We don't have time.
f*cking Justin,
nobody's messing with you, man.
Nobody's messing with you.
Our friends are dead.
-They're dead.
-Hey Justin, hey, look at me.
I saw it with my own eyes, okay?
Shane's dead.
Britt's dead.
-[loud thud]
-[screaming]
[Allen] f*ck, Jesus.
-Jesus Christ.
-f*ck, f*ck man.
That's what I was telling you,
man.
That's what I was telling you.
-[loud thud]
-[screaming]
[Luke] Whoa! [groans]
[Allen] There's only
a single pane of glass.
Why aren't they breaking in?
[Luke] They're playing
mind games on us.
They're playing
mind games on us.
No, no, I think there's
a magic ward around the house.
[Luke] Lisa, honey,
baby, I love you.
But you-- this is not the time
for that. This is not the time.
Luke, honey, baby, this
is the f*cking time for this,
because they were made
from a ritual.
A magic ritual.
-What ritual?
-Look.
What are you talking about?
Holy sh*t.
Oh, man, I don't want
to talk bad about your grandpa,
Allen, but that guy
was really f*cked up.
You know what, this--
this doesn't make sense.
I--
Your grandpa's a m*rder*r, man.
Jesus, Luke.
What? He is.
No, there shouldn't be
this many of them.
It says that he only made one.
I'll explain when
we get out of here.
When we get out of here?
When we get out of here?
We ain't gettin' out of here.
We ain't gettin' out of here.
There's f*cking scarecrows
out there.
I can stop them, okay?
How are you going to do that?
I can craft a ritual
based off of the one
that was used to create them.
With the stuff in the house
and what I have in my bag,
I should be able to do it.
[tense music]
Luke, I need you to go to my
bag and get four white candles,
matches, incense,
and my small cauldron.
Allen, I need you to go upstairs
and find some bones.
Twigs, if not.
And Justin, I need you to get
some red and black cloth.
All right? Check the closet.
[exhaling]
[paper ripping]
-Hey.
-Hey.
-I can't lose you too.
-[Justin] You won't.
Did Shane hit on you last night?
[Justin] Ugh. Yeah.
[Lisa] Guys,
we don't have much time.
We should go.
Okay. What else,
what else do you need?
-Eggs. I need eggs.
-Eggs? Okay.
I-- I can look for eggs. Um...
is this gonna work?
I'm positive, yes.
-Positive?
-Mm-hmm.
Okay, I believe you,
I believe in you.
You got this. You got this.
[exhaling]
[ethereal music]
[Lisa] Goddess, I ask for your
protection in this endeavor.
Wrap me in your arms
and hold me in your life.
-Did that work?
-I don't know.
We should check on our friends.
I got you.
[Allen] I think they're gone.
[Luke] You guys see anything?
[suspenseful music]
-[wet thunk]
-[Lisa screaming]
Lisa? Lisa! Lisa!
[suspenseful music]
[Lisa panting]
[Lisa groans]
Read it.
You go, I'll hold him off.
[Luke] No, I'm not leaving you.
I'm not leaving you.
Please, I'm not leaving you.
Come back!
[Luke screams] No!
No. No, no, no, no.
We gotta go. We gotta go.
We gotta go.
-[Luke] No, no, no, no.
-[Justin] Come on!
That lock's not gonna hold
for long.
We're so f*cking dead.
They're-- They're not
gonna break down the door.
How do you know?
[Allen] I think it's my dad.
[tense music]
[dramatic music]
[eerie music]
When my dad died,
Grandpa was devastated.
I didn't get to see him
much after that,
'cause he and my mom...
But the last time I did see him,
he was so happy,
and he kept talking about
death not being the end.
At the time, I just thought
he was super religious.
You think that's
your f*cking dad?
[Justin] Hey, Luke,
back off, dude.
f*ck off, yeah.
Hey, I know it's
not completely my dad, okay?
But some part of him is in there
like a heart or a liver,
or a brain, some part of my dad
lives inside Billy.
-[Justin] Luke, f*ck you.
-f*ck your dad.
Your f*cking dad, it's not
your f*cking daddy, okay?
-That's a monster.
-Breathe.
It's a monster, it's a monster,
and it k*lled Lisa!
-[loud thuds]
-[doorknob rattles]
[pounding]
[tense music]
Hey! Who's ready for some chili?
-Mom.
-Where are you going?
[Allen] My mom's out there.
[Mom] Hi, I'm Allen's mom.
Get back in the car.
Mom, back in the car.
-[Mom] Allen, what's going on?
-Mom, later. Car.
[Mom] If you're in trouble,
I'm not going anywhere.
Hey, it's me you want.
It was my decision
to sell the farm.
-It's me you want.
-[Justin] Allen!
-Allen!
-Justin, no!
Justin!
Mom, stay back.
-Get the f*ck away from my son!
-[Allen] Mom!
Don't.
It won't do any good.
Please trust me.
I know you're in there, Dad.
Okay, okay, okay.
I get it.
Maybe you know my Dad.
I know you.
I know you knew Grandpa.
You loved me.
I loved him.
You know he would've want this.
And I get it, I get it.
I've been having a hard time,
too.
Okay, but this isn't the answer.
This won't bring him back.
[somber music]
[gasping]
[emotional music]
[dog barking in distance]
[rustling]
[dramatic music]
[Allen panting]
[gentle music]
-[Justin sighing]
-I'm so sorry.
[Justin] For what?
You're not the one
that gave me a concussion.
[Justin retching]
Definitely a concussion.
I should've just decided
to sell it all.
The farm. The knicknacks.
I shouldn't have come back.
We didn't need to.
This is all my fault.
[Justin groans softly]
[bird chirps]
Oh God. Oh, sh**t, okay.
We need to get him
to the hospital.
Oh, Luke, Luke's inside.
-I'll get him. I'll get him.
-Okay, okay, come on.
[Justin] Oh, God.
-[Justin groans]
-Okay, here we go.
[Justin] All right. All right.
Okay.
Okay.
-[emotional music]
-[Luke crying]
Justin is hurt.
f*ck Justin.
f*ck you.
I'm not going
to f*cking leave her here.
I'm not leaving her here.
You can f*ck off.
I'm not leaving her here.
[sobbing]
Hey, we're gonna get her
out of here, okay?
What's going on?
What-- Oh my God.
Oh, Christ.
All right, just get in the car.
-We'll take-- we'll take Justin.
-You're gonna be okay.
I'm gonna burn down
this f*cking house.
-Take care of him for me.
-Allen! Allen!
And keeping this empty,
broken, shitty house up
isn't doing either of us
any good.
If there's something of his
you want, go ahead, but...
you're not changing my mind.
You might wanna leave.
-Suit yourself.
-[lid clattering]
[matches rattling]
Last chance.
[gloomy music]
[sobbing]
[match hisses]
[match clatters]
[somber music]
[fire crackles]
Thank you.
-All right.
-I won't be gone long. Promise.
-Okay.
-Hey, I love you.
I love you. Stay safe.
I can't make any promises.
[bird chirps]
Hey.
Got a sec?
I'm not surprised
you made it out.
It's nice.
I miss him.
A lot.
Oh, no, no, no.
I-- I don't want that.
Thank you.
No, really.
I-- I don't need it.
Jesus Christ.
If it means that much to you.
I came here to get some closure.
To let go.
Maybe you should, too.
It's just a thought.
It's nice seeing you.
I mean, kinda.
I guess even after
everything that happened,
it's just, it's nice to see
someone that gets it.
But I'm moving on.
I'm trying to.
I need to.
And I think you do, too.
Where are you going to go?
Well, I guess,
good luck out there.
Just, hey.
Please don't k*ll anyone.
["Wayfaring Stranger" by Brynn
Moncur & Nate Floyd]
I'm just a poor
wayfaring stranger
Traveling through
this world below
There is no sickness
Nor toil, nor danger
In that bright land
to which I go
I'm going home
to see my father
I'm going home
no more to roam
I'm just going over Jordan
I'm just going over home
I know dark clouds
will gather 'round me
I know my way is rough
and steep
But his fields arise
before me
The God's redeemed,
their vigils keep
I'm going there
to see my mother
She said she'd
meet me when I come
I'm just going over Jordan
I'm just going over home
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Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Field of Screams (2025)
Moderators: Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters, Maskath3, sidolanters, GabrielAlejo2341