04x02 - Episode 2

[bunniefuu]

- Morning.
- Hiya.

- Nervous?
- A bit... but we're used to it - aren't we, big guy?

Any problems, Philip - you know the procedure.

Go off and have a wander.
Just don't touch anything. Go on.

- Is he going to be all right?
- You mean about keeping "our secret"?

Look, I'll tell them eventually,
once you've established yourself.

If I establish myself.

You will - that corporate experience of yours
is going to be invaluable.

You wanted someone with experience
teaching adults.

The teaching you'll pick up along the way -

what we need here is vision
and we need a lot of personality.



No pressure, then?

Adult education could be the
biggest thing to happen to this school in years.

More funding, a stronger culture of learning...

So, yeah... no pressure.

Lots of bums on seats. OK.

Exactly.

If we don't get this first lot to sign up today,

Ralph Mellor's going to do his best
to pull the plug on the whole thing.

Come through. You're all right.

One at a time! One at a time, please!

- Morning, ma'am.
- Morning, David.

Come through.

Coming to something
when we've got to protect our kids like this.

Not a lot I can do about that, Ralph.



You're right.

We just have to be careful
who we let in next time.

Dunk! What!

Mate, stay out of his way, yeah?
He is 110 per cent mental. Look at him.

- Nutter.
- I think he's fit.

- He's in Year 11.
- Toy boy, innit? Know what I'm saying?

Look at him.

Oh, look.

Chlo's Cutz now.

Chlo, that's mint!

Donte, you're charging.

But I'll be making a few bob with the DVDs.

You may as well cut a few heads
while we're at it.

A number two all over - how easy can it be?

But this is cutting.
I'm only supposed to be styling.

If Mason finds out I'm charging...

Then we just don't tell 'em, babe.

Mate, how much is this one?

For you, Jan, call it a fiver.

I'll have it. That's cheap.

You see?

See you in a bit.

Donte... Chlo.

I don't believe it. He's wearing a tie.

You are on the pull.

I am not on the pull...

but you never know.

I've merchandise for you, son.

Nice one, Dad. Nice one.

I wouldn't swap her for
a packet of pork scratchings.

You are joking, Dad?

That's the nutter that lives next door to us!

She shoved sausages through our door, man.

Yeah, yeah.

Don't forget, all right? One dinner at lunchtime!

So... do you have to book or what?

... we're not actually open yet.

... go on.

This doesn't take much cutting, does it?

Go on, then. Lunchtime?

Look forward to it.

What?

You're not in charge, Donte.

Every time! They're too flaming sensitive,
those things.

It'll just be your keys.

Nasty things, g*ns, Miss Haydock -
I'm just trying to keep everybody safe.

Well, I'm hardly likely to have an ouzo
machine g*n in there, am I?

I still don't get why the hell you're here, Mum.

Shut up, Earl -
the social have made her pull her finger out.

I'm not just doing it for Brownie points
with the social, but to be a better role model.

They've got loads of good courses here.

Step through one at a time, please.

You can carry the little one.

- What are you doing with that?

- Can I take a look in your bag, madam?
- No, you can't.

Madam, you do know we had a g*n
in the school last week?

Of course I flaming do!
My Denzil's sitting in an institution cos of it.

Mum, just give him the bag.

Thank you.

Stop there.

Maybe Earl's right. What if it ain't gonna work?

She'll just have to make it work.

Boxing in school - yeah, man.

It's a proper boxing club,
so I'll be looking for members - interested?

Boxing?

- Yeah.
- Isn't it banned?

No - it was never banned.

Yeah, but people get brain damaged.

- What are you talking about?
- What year are you in?

11. It's my first day.

Ah. Great, you two can show him the ropes.

Do you get what I?

- Give him the grand tour. What's your name?
- Philip.

These two'll show you round.

I've got a meeting.
Stick this in the cupboard, all right?

You two, stop messing around.

Why would you want to get beaten up?

Boxing's for losers.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Can you afford to lose any more brain cells?

Brain cells - what are they?

Brain cells! Ha-ha!

Have I heard right...
you're starting up a boxing club in school?

Yeah. Starts today.

- Boxing?
- Yeah... boxing... you know.

Oh, yeah. Dog fighting...
but with boys instead of dogs?

Schools that do boxing all report
a decline in bullying - it's a fact.

- Do you think Rachel will go for it?
- I'm certain.

She'll get the full Cleaver sales pitch.

Poor woman.

Come on, then.
We're going to show you your form room.

This guy's on something, I'm telling you.

Hurry up, you div!

"Div"?

I'll look that up in a dictionary.

He's used to being the new kid,
so he should be OK.

- Put him in a nice form.
- And keep him away from Earl Kelly.

I wish I could keep away from all the Kellys.

Just keep them
under close scrutiny and flag up any problems.

Are they getting special treatment now?

Tom - are you OK?

Nothing a good night's kip
wouldn't put right.

You try living next to these people.

The Kellys are hard work, Tom,
but we've got a duty of care.

This is what we do, mate - you know the drill.

You'll enjoy it - it'll be a laugh.

You can invite some of them
back to t'party later.

Yeah - they look like they love a good bender.

Go on.

Oh, miss... my mum's here.

Oh. Excellent, Sam.
That's a surprise... a pleasant one.

She promised Sandra she'd come.

- Our social worker.
- Oh, right.

After Denzil, they've been on her back
about the rest of us.

- If she comes here, she's off the pop.
- That's excellent.

She'll find something there to interest her.

Watch her.
She'll try and get herself kicked out.

I've seen it all now.

This is a brand new venture
for Waterloo Road.

It's what I've always believed schools
should be about.

They call it wraparound community services.

I'm hoping, with your help,
it's going to be a great success.

Right, I'm going to shut up now
and I'm going to hand you over to Ms Ryan,

- our expert.
- OK. Thanks, Rachel.

First things first - my name is Melissa.
You can call me that, or Mel,

whatever you feel comfortable with -
just not "Ms Ryan", please.

It makes me sound like a l*sbian dominatrix.

OK, today is about finding
the course that best suits you.

So if it's basic English and maths skills
you're after, business skills,

learning to surf the net,
or making a good pot of tea... we've got it here.

OK, I see that everyone's badged up.
It's time for the official tour.

Shall we get going?

She knows how to work a crowd.

Yeah, she's got great potential.

I still think it's a big risk.

She doesn't have
a conventional teaching background.

Good - we don't need conventional in this place.

But we need qualified -
someone with proven teaching skills.

Remember, these adults have been
failed first time round.

Are you absolutely sure Melissa
can give them what they want... what they need?

Eddie, if I had the slightest doubt
of Melissa's ability to do this job,

- I would never have appointed her.
- I'm just saying.

Well, a little less carping
and a little bit more support, please.

Right, keep it down, please.

And turn to page 46 of your textbooks.

Got the sniffer dogs with you?

No, no... l'm just doing the rounds...

making sure everything's in order.

Right.

Everything seems to be in order.

Look... l've had this at home for ages.

It's nothing, I thought you
might find a use... you know...

show the kiddies, like.

Right, well, thanks, Dave.

I'm sure it'll come in very handy.

It's the Eiffel Tower.

Not a word from either of you.

Oh, bless!

He'd be right up her street.
She's not had a man for ages.

She doesn't look bad for 50-odd.

Don't let her hear you say that. She'll k*ll you.

Miss and Security Dave.

Unless I know a bit about you, I won't be able
to advise you on the best courses.

So, just a bit about your families,
background, hopes.

You want to know... what? Everything?

Warts and all.

I reckon we're a pretty unshockable bunch
here, aren't we?

Well, I left school when I was 14 with nowt...

no qualifications, no skills - nothing.

My lad Donte's setting himself up
in business so I just want to help him if I can.

I'm not that old, and I thought, "Right, go for it."

And I suppose I wanted to set a good example
for our Bolton an' all.

Yeah, well...

I left school when I was nine.

My mum kept me off
to keep her company, and that.

She didn't like me leaving her.
She'd sit and drink herself stupid.

There were all sorts round, day and night.

Didn't she get into trouble or?

We never stayed in the same place
for longer than six months.

When I was three, I got kidnapped
by a g*ng of child traffickers.

No wonder you want to better yourself.

Luckily I got rescued by the SAS.

(Sighs)

Yes... thanks, Rose.

Nothing wrong with your imagination, then.

I want my PE department
to be the best in the country.

Listen, I could do with some help running
the senior netball team, actually.

Here comes the charm offensive.

Yeah, come on.
I can see you're a natural sportswoman.

What about the girls' football team?

Don't worry about Tom. I'm gonna change
a few things there. Tom's a bit hit and miss.

He's worked really hard on that team.

I know. Listen, can I count on you?

- Yeah, sure.
- Good. See you later, yeah?

Look at them... they love it.

Keep your eye on that lad Smilie.
He looks the business -

agile, quick hands, perfect physique.

Boxing channels aggression - it promotes
self-discipline and commitment.

I get it, Rob. I get it.

I'm just a little bit nervous
about introducing full-contact boxing.

It doesn't exactly seem like the appropriate time.

It's the perfect time.

Once Rob establishes the club
and certain kids start coming,

there'll be less smashed windows and graffiti.

That's what I call community involvement.

- I'm a fully-qualified ABAE coach.
- OK.

OK, right, but I want
all the procedures in place -

health and safety, the whole lot.

Of course, absolutely. I knew I'd win you over.

Excuse me, you haven't won me over.

- Let's call it a trial - see how it goes.
- A trial, yeah.

Good, good, good, good.

All right, lads, swap over.

Just use as many words on the board
as you can.

And if you get stuck, shout out.

Stuck? I'm flaming bamboozled!

Look, guys... Guys?

Lt doesn't have to be the perfect letter.

Just try and use as many of the words
on the board as you can.

She keeps saying that.

My Eric takes care of
all our financial affairs.

It's a waste of time for me, this.

What do you do when you're finished?

... oh, that's great.

Why don't you try writing to a newspaper?

- A letter of complaint.
- What about?

Anything you like -

house prices, taxation...

- Student cigarette breaks?
- (Laughter)

OK, everyone, let's just look at the board
again for a minute, please.

Now, we've tried using nouns and adjectives
in our letter.

Now, a noun is a word that's used...

They're not from eastern Europe.

Talking slower and louder
isn't going to make them understand.

I know you tried your best.

- But I hadn't a clue what you were on about.
- We'll get there, Mrs Hall.

Is everything OK?

Yeah. It all went pretty well, I think.

How was Rose?

She was fine. She did everything I asked her to.

That's excellent!

I know her being here is going to have
a positive effect on her kids. Well done, you.

Look... things are going well, aren't they?

Lt just seems the longer we leave it...

Know what? I'm going to tell Eddie about us.

There's no time like the present.

Try that again.

Step right through.

Amazing.

That is the highest sensitivity.

You can set that to pick up coins, belts...

Anyway, yeah - she's really,
really lonely... isn't she, Janeece?

But she's just a bit old-fashioned.

- What do you mean?
- She'll never ask a bloke out.

She thinks it's up to him to ask.

- Oh, she's a proper lady.
- She's dead shy, really.

Don't say owt, will you? Cos she'd
go mental if she knew we were matchmaking.

Don't worry, I won't say a dickie bird.

See you later.

- See you later.
- Bye.

Excuse me, guys -
do you mind putting those out?

Lt's just that this is LEA property
and there's no smoking allowed.

Thank you.

Sorry, miss.

She can't teach for toffee.
I tell you, my three-year-old could do better.

Folks, we're starting back
in a couple of minutes.

It's not for me, love. Sorry.

Don't worry about it - natural wastage.

So... you wanted to tell me something
about Melissa?

Oh, no. Don't worry. It's nothing important.

You're sacking me?

Adults in school...

Education's gone the same way as politics.

Tom, we haven't won anything.

It's not all about winning.

That's exactly what it's about -
it's competitive sport.

- Nothing else matters.
- Whatever.

- Everything OK?
- Smashing!

Smashing.

I thought you might like a Chorley cake.

Right.

Thank you very much.

Nice with a cup of tea.

... lovely.

Less calories than an Eccles cake, so
it won't do as much damage to your waistline.

I'll remember that.

Listen, are you having lunch in here
at lunchtime?

Yes, probably.

Great, I'll see you then.

Get in there, Security Dave.

Look at it this way - no more
freezing your whatsits off on the touchline.

Sod 'em.

The truth is, I like it.
It's a break from the classroom.

And the girls are a laugh.

I started that team -
took a whole load of grief in the process.

Tell you what. Why don't we go out
for a curry tonight...

have a few bottles of wine
and then straight home to bed?

- Do one! Ain't gotta be your buddies at break.
- You're supposed to show me round all day.

- Were you born annoying?
(Mobile rings)

No phones in school, mate.

- Gi' us it back.
- I'll box you for it.

Give it back, all right? I'm warning you.

You're warning me? As if, mate.

I ain't scared of you. Give it here.

Oh, yeah.

Looks like you fit all the stereotypes of a boxer,
don't you?

All you need now's a flat nose.

Get in there!

Sit down!

Leave me alone! Get away.

What are you? What are you doing?

I reckon we'll be down to half the class by lunch.

What does that mean?
Lt means loads more nosebag for me.

Come on, Rose - username and password
in the envelope, please.

It won't let me log on.

Let me have a look.

Try this.

I think we might have to
send for the computer technician.

It'd be nice if we had someone teaching us
who actually knows what they're doing.

- Guess what my password is.
- Yeah, go on.

"Rose one".

Rose one?

They'll have a job cracking that!

Ms Ryan - could I just have a little word, please?

So, what?

Are we here to learn or watch her gossip
with her bezzie mate?

I heard you've had a couple of walkouts.

Rachel, I can't help it if they don't want to learn.
I'm doing my best.

I know you are.

I'm not having a go at you.

I know they're a hard group.

You've just got to capture their imagination.

Come on, Mel,
you're great at that sort of thing.

Inspire them.

I think it'll take more than inspiration
with some of them.

What is the problem?

Everything's fine. I'll work it out.

You've got to, Mel. Really.

I just can't deal with any more leavers.

- I promise.
- OK.

Has anyone seen Philip Ryan? He's a new lad.

I think he's a bit tied up, sir.

OK, Bolton,
I can see you're dying to tell me what it is

you and the rest of the class know that I don't.

I think he had to answer a call of nature.

Yeah - how's he going to do his flies up?

He's going to the bogs.

Philip - are you in there?

Philip, it's Mr Wilding - I'm your music teacher.

There's no-one in here, just me.

I can't come out.

Why not?

What's the matter, are you locked in?

Has anyone seen Rose?

No. At least we'll get a bit of peace.

Got a proper little salon here, haven't you?

You couldn't give us a quick cut and blow?

Oh, actually, I've got a lesson.

So have I. Go on, I've got the money.

What are you doing?

I'm having my hair done.

Mum - you're skiving.

I'm on a free.

You said after what happened to Denzil
things'd be different - you promised.

Look, I've really got to get to my lesson.
But I'm here at lunchtime.

- Thanks, Sam. I could have saved a fortune.
- You've been drinking, haven't you?

Oh, yeah -
where am I going to get a drink around here?

Sam, love - don't.

Why can't I just have a proper family
and a proper mum?

Langley, there. Smilie, over there.

Come on.

Sir, will Miss Mason find out?

I'm sure she will -
she's pretty "zero tolerance" on bullying.

- Anyway, your mum will want something done.
- What's she got to do with it?

Philip, this is your first day.

Can't we just forget about it?

Listen, I know it's hard
standing up to bullies but...

What's going to happen to them?

Lf it was up to me, I'd exclude them for a week.

Great. So when they come back,
it'll be 10 times worse.

Come on - we'll go and see
Miss Mason now, OK?

No, no. No.

I can't.

Just tell her your worries.

Sir, I can't.

Why not?

She's my aunt.

Who is?

Miss Mason.

The head teacher?

Yeah... she's my mum's sister...

...only I wasn't supposed to tell anyone.

Quietly, please!

Ask me who Rachel Mason's sister is.

She hasn't got a sister.

She does - and she works here.

Melissa Ryan.

No.

- Yeah.
- No!

Her nephew just told me.

It were just a bit of a laugh, sir.

Hilarious.

You do know that Philip's mum's
a member of staff here, don't you?

When she gets hold of you two...

Better make sure it's "A" grades all the way.

It's just naked nepotism.

Get to your lesson.

Putting me through the charade
of a selection process.

She can't do that.

Wasn't there a case a few years ago?

I'm sure a head teacher got the sack
for giving her sister the job.

If it's not a teaching post,
then she can appoint who she likes.

I'm sure you and your new assistant, Jasmine,

will be able to find something
for young Philip to do...

captain of the tiddlywinks team, maybe?

I don't have favourites, Steph -
he'll get the same treatment as every other kid.

I totally agree -
that's always been my philosophy.

But, you know, forewarned and all that...

Salut, Monsieur Lawson.

Keeping you busy?

What is it, Steph?

I've got a little bone to pick
with you and Miss Mason.

About her and Melissa.

There were never such devoted sisters

Steph, what are you going on about?

You don't know, do you?

Rachel and Melissa are sisters.

Seriously?

Oh, yes, as true as I'm standing here
in my slingbacks.

All right, Auntie Rachel?

You never learn, do you?

Oh, look...

I didn't tell you because
I wanted Melissa to make her own mark.

- I wasn't trying to deceive anyone.
- That's another lie.

- That's exactly what you did.
- It wasn't.

The interviews?

You put members of staff
through a bogus interview.

You concealed your relationship
to one of the candidates!

When Ralph Mellor finds out...

I can't even tell him she was the best candidate.
Steph or Grantly would have done a better job.

- What the hell were you thinking of?
- I needed...

What? Another stick
for Ralph Mellor to beat you with?

I needed someone I could trust.
I needed an ally.

I don't know, after last year...

You needed an ally?

So what am I, then?

I'm sorry.

Laterality - coordination
of the left and right hemispheres of the brain.

Come on, Rose, believe it or not,
this helps with reading and writing.

Turn around. Faster, faster, faster.

Good work, parents. Turn around...

and... stop.

Brilliant, give yourselves a clap.

What the bloody hell use is that to anyone...

jumping around like a muppet?

I've not learned one thing.

Rose, you should swap places
with your Sam - surrounded by 13-year-olds.

- We've had her whingeing all morning.
- Who asked you for an opinion?

I don't need to be asked, love.

All right, ladies - come on.

Is there a difference between crap
and the stuff that comes out of your mouth?

Candice.

Get on with your brown-nosing.

Agh!

Stop it!
- You cow!

Clarence, stop them! Stop it!

Delivering PowerPoint presentations
to nice people in suits is one thing.

But this is Waterloo Road.

Stop them. Clarence, do something!

Melissa has no formal teaching qualifications,
no experience...

Clarence? Do something!

Lt was stupid not to tell you about us.

It's gone far beyond stupid.

Forget that you lied to me,
the governors, the staff...

Hang on. I do have delegated authority
in relation to appointments.

It's blatant favouritism!

You wouldn't be the first head to lose her job
over a thing like this.

Melissa can connect with this community -
you've seen it.

Fight. It's a fight... they won't stop.

What?

You'd have to be Mr Fantastic
to get your arms round me. Pack it in!

What the bloody hell's going on here?

You two - outside, now!

Thank you, Clarence.

I really apologise that you had to see that.

You know where the dining hall is.
Head down there and we'll see you in there.

Thank you.

I do apologise for that.

I'm going to have to head down at lunch
and try and salvage things.

I'll get my bag.

Don't bother, I'll talk to them first.
You see what Eddie's doing.

Give me one reason I shouldn't
send the pair of you packing.

You're an employee here -
you should know better.

I feel like sending you both to the cooler -
you can join your Bolton.

What's he done? Why's he in there?

He tied her son up in the toilets.

- Philip? What's happened?
- He's fine.

Go get your lunch. I'll talk to you later.

I think you need to be in the canteen
with your sister.

I'm sorry.

Don't apologise.

I know it wasn't your idea
to keep us all in the dark.

Rachel has been getting a bit freaked,
hasn't she?

Are you aware of what Rachel's been through
this last year?

Yeah, I... do know she's had a pretty rough ride.

And then some. A lot of people
are waiting for her to fall flat on her face.

The last thing she needs right now
is another failure.

Eddie.

Eddie?

I feel really bad about all this.
But it's not Rachel's fault.

Unfortunately, not everybody sees it that way.

I'm not going to let her fail, Eddie.

I know you think I'm inexperienced, but I can be
pretty determined. It runs in the family.

I know I've got a hell of a learning curve
on my hands. But I can do it.

Go to lunch, pretend it never happened.
Don't let them see it got to you.

There's just so much to think about -
the teaching, the scrapping...

If I can be any help, just give me a shout.

I'm shouting.

I um...

I didn't know that Melissa was your sister,
Rachel.

Well, it's not exactly unusual, Steph,

to have two sisters working in the same school.

Yeah, but for her to get the job
ahead of me and all the other candidates

and be your sister... I mean, it's amazing!

The best person got the job, Steph.

Candice was saying how much
she's enjoyed your lessons, Melissa...

all those brain exercises and that,
very cutting edge.

Thanks.

Sounds like a load of... tosh to me.

You're an expert on educational kinesiology?

Well...

The science of human movement,
used to improve learning.

Ta.

Any of you going out tonight?

Yeah, it's going to be a laugh, innit?

Look at this guy, man. He flaming loves himself.

You er... looking forward to my party, then?

Yeah.

I'm here, then.

Do you do head massages?

Oi! Do one.

What's wrong with you?

Ain't nowt wrong with me, mate.

She just ain't cutting your hair.

- OK?
- Don't touch me!

Shame, that. Maybe next time.

I'll see you later.

'Ere, he was eyeing you both up, then.

I think he's a c*ck little git!

I would love to invite you back -
you know that.

It's just my mum, she drinks like a fish
and she'll make a show of herself.

You don't want to be there.

It's OK.

You all right?

You seem a bit down.

What have I got to feel down about?
I'm not the one locked in a cell.

I just keep wondering.

We're sitting here and...

what's our Denzil up to right now?

Have you spoken to him?

Mum's been to see him.

Is he OK?

I don't think so.

Sorry - I didn't mean it like that. I just...

I know you didn't.

It's just, he's my brother.

You know,
I can't help feeling worried about him.

ROB: Jabs, put and combo.

Rob, all right. Here.

Shall we?

Langley, Smilie - here, now.

The rest of you carry on.

Mr Cleaver tells me you've got talent, Bolton.

Is it for ritual humiliation?

No, sir.

How am I meant to persuade Miss Mason
to let you box if you are a bully and a thug?

I know it's up to you, Mr Lawson,
but I'd send the pair of them packing.

The boxing club starts tonight?

I'm not sure I want them in my boxing team.

Sir, we're dead sorry - honest.

We'll tell Philip we're sorry and look out for him,
won't we, Langers?

Yeah. It won't happen again,
sir... erm... sirs - promise.

OK - you're on probation.
Put one foot out of place...

Right, sir. Thanks, sir.

Don't make me regret my decision.

Go on, move it. Jabs.

- Boxing'll soon sort them out.
- Good luck.

All right, mate.

OK, swap around.

These any use to you?

- What are they?
- Worksheets. Number stuff, mainly.

I've tried basic stuff. Half couldn't do it
and the other half were bored rigid.

These are simple, fun exercises -
useful for all abilities. The kids love them.

Where's all that confidence we saw earlier?

Let them see more of you.
Believe me, they'll respond.

OK, great.

Thanks.

I've let you down. I'm so sorry.

There must be something we can do.

I haven't had any bright ideas. Have you?

Lt's not your fault, it's mine. It's nepotism.

It would be great if it had worked out...

She hasn't done a runner, has she, miss?

No, Sam. I think she's outside...

having...

- Is she OK?
- She's doing fine.

I've got a few things I need to sort.
I'll see you later.

Right.

- Rose, I need a word.
- I'm going for a smoke.

Now, please.

It's just you and me, no audience,
so you can cut the crap.

This "I couldn't care" stuff, hostility, disruption -
it's driving me mad and ruining the whole day.

And it's all a front, because I think
that you do care very much.

So you're claiming to know me?

Pretending to be a shrink now
as well as a teacher?

I can see you're angry but I am
not responsible for what's happened to you.

- What's that supposed to mean?
- I saw Sam this morning.

I know you're worried about losing your kids.

And that you want to impress them
and social services.

Come on, Rose, help me out this afternoon.

And let me help you.

This won't work. I've just tried it
in Miss Haydock's DVD.

Ladies, there must be something wrong
with Haydock's machine.

Ain't nowt wrong with this DVD.

She wants her money back.

You only get your money back on faulty goods.

Never buying nothing off you again.

Come on.

We've been told to apologise for what we did.

So make sure you let Lawson
and your mum know.

All right, mate?

You're the one they locked in the bogs,
aren't you?

Is it true your auntie's the head teacher?

Yeah. It's not my fault, is it?

Don't worry about it, mate.

I wish my auntie was the head teacher.

Why?

C'mon.

And me a-jab him and sit him down rapid
with the force of a king.

All right, ladies?

- What's all this?
- Mr Cleaver's brought some boxing gear.

Yeah? I used to box when I lived in Manchester.

Fancy a bit, Bolton?

A match. Do you reckon you could have me?

What, now?

Whenever you want, mate.

Mr Kelly. Come to join us?

Earl used to box.
He's challenged Bolton to a fight.

Really? Are you up for it?

Pssh, yeah! Let's do it, innit?

Good, good. 3:15, don't be late, all right?

I reckon one good punch...

I'll sit him. I'll sit him fast, man.

- Bang him.
- I don't trust him.

Waterloo Road, Adult Education courses.

Hi, there. Waterloo Road.

This course is for those interested in
adult learning education.

Sir, adult education. Free food.
Come down to Waterloo Road.

Do you want to give these
to your mum and dad?

Adult learning, Waterloo Road.

Adult education, Waterloo Road.
Come and have a look.

Up on the hill, adult learning.
Are you interested?

Ah, Philip. There you go. Find yourself a seat.

Ooh, sir, your favourite pupil's here.

Right, let's make a start.

Complete the exercises on page 34.

Fill your boots. Hello.

I promised them a free buffet.

Chlo.

So, how much money did you make at lunch?

Not a lot. A tenner.

Good... cos I made 50, buff.

We are well in the money, babes.

And I tell you what, we're gonna earn
more than that tomorrow.

What's the problem?

Well... it's just that giving me flowers...

tongues might wag.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you.

It's just... erm...

well... I was going to
ask you out on a proper date, like.

Oh, Dave.

That is so nice of you, and normally... yes.

It's just that with me being a teacher
and you being...

...it's a bit of a doctor/patient thingy.

No problem - I understand.

I'm sorry.

Oh, that's me. I am 15...

who is 4 times 3?

Oh, I am 12... so who is a quarter of 20?

I am 5... who is me minus 2?

Oh, and that's back to me, and I am 3.

Well done, everyone.

Mel, what was our time?

We did that one in... 58 seconds.

They never did sums like this
when I were at school.

I think I could be quite good at maths.

We could fast-track you, Mrs Hall -
how does GCSE maths in a year sound?

I could do the sums, love,
but I'm not running anywhere... not at my age.

Rose, could you collect the loop cards, please?

OK - moment of truth.

Feedback and sign-up time.

Could you hand these out for me, please?

The courses are on the left...
tick your preferences in order from one to three.

See anything you like, Rose?

- Give us a chance.
- Sorry... and thanks by the way.

For what?

OK, boys, keep your guard up.

That's it. Nice and easy, lads.

Keep your guard up, Smilie.

Jab, jab.

Don't forget your combos.

- Showboat, Bolton.
- Come on, Bolton, go on.

Don't take the piss, Smilie.

Hit him. Come on, Bolton.

Keep your guards up.

All right, lads. Take a break, yeah?

Miss Koreshi - just in time
for a little exhibition sparring.

I thought it was only non-contact?

No, Rachel's given us the nod.

All right, lads, nice and easy.

Listen, have you had a chance
to speak to Tom?

Lt's just that he seems a bit off.

He's fine, don't worry. It's cool.

Well, look, I'm raring to go.

Yeah, OK.

I'll catch you later - drink, yeah?

Yeah, that'd be nice.

Take him down.

Hey, hey! Time!

Sorry, mate, it was an accident.

Listen, Earl, go and get changed. Go!

Low punch. All right?

We survived, hey?

Just.

Remember, it's only been one day.

If you don't think you're up to it,
you need to tell me now.

I'm up for it - definitely.

Rach?

Are you sure you can do this?

Yeah.

OK. But let's go easy on the chill-out music
and the massage, yeah?

Are you coming for a drink?

- No, I can't.
- Our secret's out, remember?

I know.

Come to mine. We'll have a couple of glasses.

No, you need to go out
and get to know everyone.

- I'm not going without you.
- It's not for debate. I'm your boss.

I take it you got a good response?

- Yeah, we did.
- Well done.

I couldn't have done it without you -
I mean that.

You definitely deserve a drink.

- You coming, Rachel?
- No, I can't.

It'd be good if the staff saw you
let your hair down a bit.

Those exercises go down really well.
They always do.

Look, Melissa, you've proved yourself today -
well done...

But you think I was underprepared?

Yeah, all right. Maybe I was.

That's my personality, I wing it.

But I get the job done, don't I?

Just to warn you, Rachel
might still get a kicking over your appointment.

- From Ralph Mellor?
- And the staff.

And you?

All right, love?

I'm going to a mate's house tonight,
so I'll grab some tea at his.

- I'm meeting him there.
- Have you got your keys?

- Thank God he's made friends.
- Don't you want to know where he's going?

He doesn't like me quizzing him too much.
He'll be fine.

I didn't have a clue.

Turns out the flaming thing
wasn't even switched on.

How did you cope with that Kelly woman?

She sussed me out good and proper.

"Are you sure you
know what you're doing?"

I felt like saying, "No, of course
I bloody don't know what I'm doing...

that's why I'm in adult education."

I thought they'd be a bit funny with me.

No, they're fine... most of them.

I don't like leaving Chlo on her own
with that lot next door.

Donte will be with her.
I won't keep you out late - I promise.

They weren't there this morning. Flaming Kellys.

It's obvious, isn't it? Nobody wants to live
anywhere flaming near them.

All right, girls.

- Come on, Chlo, please.
- I can't.

Laters, yeah?

- You don't have to go, Janeece.
- I do.

I need to keep an eye on her.

- See you in a bit.
- Laters.

- What are you playing at?
- Ssh!

Security Dave.

What?

Secur...

Steph?

Dave!

I've... dropped my money.

It doesn't matter.
I'll let the cleaners get it in the morning.

Can I get you a drink?

Sure? Large white wine, then.

TV: Congratulations.
Talk us through today's race.

Our very own Frank and Nancy. Let's hear it!

Mel Ryan, everybody.

Fleur. I'm gonna have to go.

You can't.
We've got another spot in 10 minutes.

It's gonna have to be a solo.

Grantly, I'll come with you. Get my coat and bag.

Yeah.

Steph, I know what you said about
keeping a professional distance and that.

Dave... l've not been totally honest with you.

It's just that me and Grantly are a bit of an item.

Grantly?

- I'm sorry, I didn't have any idea.
- Can you... keep a secret?

Yeah, won't say a word.

Come on, then.

See you.

Steph...

You do know he wears a... syrup, don't you?

A wig.

Yes... and it's a hair replacement system,
actually.

There's too many people.
It's getting out of hand.

Do you fancy something a bit stronger?

- I don't do drugs no more.
- Come on, it's only a bit of skunk.

I said no. You're a bad influence, you are.

Brilliant party, Earl, mate.

- Phil, mate?
- Yeah?

- You haven't got a drink.
- Oh, I thank you.

Come on, I'll show you my bedroom.

- Look. It's me!
- (Rose squeals)

Clarence is here! Whoo-hoo!

Where do you want the booze?

Anyone want a cup of tea?

Oh, lovely. Very relaxing,
with Ayia flaming Napa next door.

- Tom, don't do anything stupid.

Get out of my garden.

What are you gonna do?

Well, I'm not gonna appeal to their better nature.

Rose?

Half the flaming school's in here.

Dad? What the hell are you doing here?

- Having some.
- Rose!

Come on. Out the way. Move it.

You shouldn't be drinking.

Rose!

Rose! You've got two minutes
to get this lot out and the music off.

Can't hear you, mate.

- Hear me now?

Get that back on. Get out of my house!

He's 14, she's 13, and that's ill*gal.

Mr Clarkson, look, I'll get them out, OK?

- Everyone out!
- (Groaning)

Come on, get out! All of yous.

On your way, come on!

Your dad's not allowed to enjoy himself,
is he not?

- You're a mess.
- Is that what it is?

- Who's that blonde you were dancing with?
- I don't know. Chlo, tell him.

Clarence!

- Listen...
- You're an embarrassment, Dad.

Son. Don't be like that, son.

Eh, Donte, listen, lad. Just one can.

Go home and sober up.

Donte.

Son...

What are you doing there?
Are you all right, lad?

Here you are, let's get you sorted.

Come on. You can't stop there.

- No. No, that way.
- That way?

No, that way. You'll be all right.

- You're in our Donte's class, aren't you?
- Whose?

Donte Charles.

I'm getting off. Are you coming?

No, no, you young ones stay
and have another drink.

I'm getting off to bed.
I've got school in the morning.

- You're staying, Max, aren't you?
- Course she is.

I never said anything about staying.

Go on - you know you want to.

- You can have my room. I'll kip on the couch.
- (Giggles)

I'll even tuck you in later.

What about Steph?

- I'll phone her.
- Right, well, night-night.

Good job they never gave us
any homework, eh? (Chuckles)

Steph, it's me. I'm staying at Janeece's.
I'll see you in the morning.

Cheers, mate.

Sorry, I had to go to the gents.

Oi. Get more bog paper.

(Laughs)

What's so funny?

What is it?

- What is it?
- Well... look.

What?

- Oh, my... Oh, my God!
- (Eddie continues laughing)

Good job I never had my control pants on.

Come on!

I hope you don't think I flash my knickers
at every man I meet?

I think I'm going to enjoy working with you.

Get off!