04x04 - Episode 4

[bunniefuu]

- That's the third one this week.
- Tom, not in the kitchen.

Dead birds on the doorstep.
That's how serial K*llers start.

- We don't know it's Earl.
- Well, we will do soon.

So we get him on camera. And then what?

Then it's not our problem any more.

Right, all set.

You ready to go, babe?

Can you give me a minute?

- To say goodbye.
- All right.

Are you sure you don't want to stay here
till you find somewhere to buy?

- Er...
- We've arranged to pick up the keys at lunch.

I hope you're renting cheap. It's hard enough
for me to get a mortgage these days.

Yeah, course. It's sorted.

You're free of us, now, Tom.

I'm gonna miss you.

And you, soft lad.

We're very happy for you, aren't we, love?

Yeah.

Right, well... Shipley Heights here we come, eh?

Dinner at six, Maxine.

Staying at mine, aren't you?

- I don't think so, do you?
- 'Fraid not.

You don't have to be so obvious.

I tell you what, I'm gonna swing for him
one of these days, the cheeky little git.

Grantly...

- Grantly!
- Mm?

- Oh, for the love of God, give her a call!
- I most certainly will not.

If that woman wants to ring me
with an apology, fine.

Right, you're going to have to find
somewhere else to stay.

You were only supposed to crash at mine
for a few nights, not the whole flaming week.

The dissolution of my marriage was not,
as I recall, a solo endeavour.

And I've explained to Fleur
it was a misunderstanding,

but you staying with me
isn't making things better, is it?

I've got enough to worry about with Maxine
without you moping about. Come on, get out.

Just leave him.

- It's only a flower.
- Leave it.

Wait a minute.

Here you go. Lunch money.

Wouldn't touch that if I were you, love. They bite.

RACHEL: A falconry demonstration?

You asked me to look after the Earl situation.

Is it one of Mel's ideas?

No, it's mine.

We don't know this has got
anything to do with Earl or any of our students.

- Tom seems convinced.
- Tom's been saying a lot of things.

The entire lesson looks like
you're saying Earl's guilty.

It's not all about him.

There are other kids who'll benefit loads
from an experience like this.

Besides, if this bloke can teach
wild animals to do what he tells them...

I think our kids are going to need more
than bird seed.

So do falcons.
Takes a lot of patience to earn their trust.

It'll be a good lesson in discipline. Responsibility.

You haven't exactly left me a lot of choice.

Rachel, you asked me to handle it.
If you don't like what I'm doing...

OK, all right, you're right. It's your call.

But remember,
my name is on that risk assessment.

It'll run like clockwork.

Excuse me.

- One second, Miss Haydock. Arms up.

Thank you.

Pupils and staff are the same.

- Yes, well, I was running late this morning.
- Oh, aye!

Oh, for...

How many times? There is nothing going on.

Lf you must know, I told a stupid lie
because I didn't want to go out with you.

If you'd kept your mouth shut,
we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.

I'll have to take these, I'm afraid.

Deadly weapons in the wrong hands.

Very funny. Come on.

- This revenge, is it?
- 'Scuse me?

Fine. You win.

If it puts a stop to all this nonsense,
I will let you take me out. Once.

But I'm not cheap.

Now give.

That ship has sailed.

You're not the woman of principle
I thought you were.

Ladies all beating a path to your door, are they?

An offer like that doesn't stay on the shelf long.

What? You got somebody else?

- Right. Well, she's not having my hairspray.
- As you were.

Right, one at a time, please.

- Oi!
- As you were!

- Ibbotson.
- Sir.

- Jewitt.
- Sir.

Kelly... Surprise, surprise.

Sorry I'm late, sir.

That's the third time this week.
What's today's excuse?

Had trouble dropping Prince off in the cr?che.

That the latest euphemism for,
"Sorry, I slept in, sir"?

Right, as you know,
our beloved head boy is currently taking part

in a foreign exchange programme.

Doubtless two months of taxpayers' money

learning how to build sandcastles,

but apparently you cannot live without
a replacement in the meantime.

Nominees have been putting
themselves forward all week...

I did a good thing.
But you might not see it that way.

...and the finalists are...

Matthew Alder, Simon Hoskins,
Andrew lbbotson... and Marley Kelly.

Candidates will be making their speeches
to the year groups this afternoon.

Slowly!

Right, you lot. Lessons are cancelled.

Thought I'd change the pecking order today.

So I've drafted in the flying squad.

- All right, Steve?
- All right?

Come on.

Falconry. Oldest sport in the world.

- Anyone done it before?
- My grandad's got Kes on video.

- Well, it's a start.
MICHAELA: Lt's not a sport.

No? Javelin, discus, shot-put...
all originated from hunting.

You versus your opponent
in a race to catch the prey.

Only difference is the weapon you use.

I suppose some of you like to think
you're top of the food chain.

Well, these birds are the real deal.

Highly skilled predators
who hunt smaller animals for survival.

Anyone hungry? Young man?

- Is this a wind-up?
- Eh?

You think I put those birds on Tom's doorstep,
like everyone else.

- It's nothing to do with that.
- Either way, you're trying to make a fool of me.

Bringing birds to a bird-k*ller?

Still getting mysterious gifts at your door?

There'll be a horse's head in my bed next.

Council said I have to get it on camera.
One more strike and they're out.

Oh, Eddie and Rachel will be pleased.

Take more than a little birdie show
to get through to that lad.

I'll give it till the end of the day
before the little hooligan bites its head off

- and spits it back in Eddie's face.
- Yeah? More like lunchtime.

A small wager, is it. Shall we say ?50?

- Oh, you good for it this time, are you?
- Of course.

How about we say the loser has to do
the other one's marking for a month?

He'll be wreaking havoc by lunch.

(Bird squawks)

Hey. This isn't what you think it is.

- Steve's here for everyone's benefit.
- Do me a favour.

You might as well paint "guilty" on my forehead.

Do you honestly think I'm crazy enough
to be hurting little animals like Tom says?

- No. I don't.
- So what's this for?

To make a point.
Show 'em you're not what they say.

Look, Earl, I'm one of the few people
fighting your corner right now.

I went to a lot of trouble organising this.
You want to just throw it back in my face?

Fine. Jack it in.
Prove you've got something to hide.

Ah, reverse psychology!

All right. You want honesty? How about this?

You fail - I fail.

Better. Just don't expect me to enjoy it.

Heads down and planning as normal,
I'm afraid, guys.

Some of us just aren't doing badly enough
to get our own avian display.

- Fancy volunteering Earl to be head boy too?
- This gonna go on all day?

You should have asked.

You've hardly been around. Anyway...

I've gotta spend most of my free time
with whoever wins this thing.

- I don't much like the other lads on offer.
- Not up to you though, is it?

No. I only put your name forward.

- People had to vote for you to be in the final.
- Settle down.

Thought I'd rigged it, right?

Believe it or not,
your year group actually likes you.

- People like him better.
- Eugh! Simon Hoskins?

He's a cardboard cut-out.

You've got edge.

What? A brother in juvey,
the other one's a psycho bird-k*ller?

Yeah?

Look, Flick, I'd love to do it,
but I've got my family to look after.

- That's your mum's job.
- You know what she's like.

Oh, your mum's a drunk and you're a no-hoper.

Poor me, poor me... pour me another drink.

Truth hurts? Maybe you should just not bother.

- Take it easy like the rest of your stupid family.
- Settle down!

Look at it!

Chlo, where's all the stuff gone?

That was a show flat.

- You don't actually get the stuff that's in it.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, course.

It's so much bigger than I remember.

Are you sure we can afford it?

Chlo, please.

You're gonna have 75 grand coming in off Tom.

That's not taking into account what we're
bringing in from Chlo's Cutz and my DVDs.

All right? We're gonna make
three times the rent on this gaff.

We are gonna have loads left over.

We'd better start getting some stuff in, then.

Morning, I'm ringing about the one-bedroom flat
on Shipley Heights.

Yes. The paper quotes ?350 a week. (Laughs)

That's obviously some kind of a typo.
That's per calendar month, yes?

Weekly? For a one-bedroom flat?
You want locking up.

Poor Grantly. This break-up's k*lling him.

k*lling me, more like!
Racing on 24/7, empty wine rack.

- Have you tried getting them back together?
- They won't even talk to each other.

Some rubbish about "the principle of the thing".

Well, maybe they need to move on
and meet other people.

- Oh, not that again.
- It's a valid community initiative, Steph.

Once a month, we get all the single parents
together, and we can have teachers.

- You think I'm begging?
- No, but someone is.

Yes, begging for Fleur.
So let's show him who else is out there.

Get him off your plate.

Has Rachel approved this?

- Well, no, but I mean, if we get enough takers...
- Right.

Leave it to me.
Few more flyers, free booze - we're laughing.

You make sure Cupid brings his bow,
I'll bring the bull's-eye.

A bird of prey will try and train you,
given half a chance.

Breaking them in can take months,
or even years.

Bit like this talk, then.

- Boring you, am I?
- Yeah.

I don't see anything impressive about showing
off some tied up birds to a bunch of kids

who have no choice to be here, either.
We all know who we're here for.

- Michaela.
- There's no captives here.

They're free to go at any moment,
just like you are.

It's true.

The only means I've got of keeping track
of this fella is this little device here.

But ultimately,
there's no guarantee that he'll come back,

any more than there's any guarantee
that you'll turn up at school.

I've just got to hope I've built up enough trust,
coupled with a little bit of bribery,

to show him I can offer him an easier life here
than he'd have in the wild.

This... is a lure.

A little toy to simulate the hunt.

If I can get you to form a line down here,

we'll see if Kes over there
fancies a game of catch.

Oh!

So I've managed to get his attention.
Question is, have I got yours?

Lt's not like you to be
vandalising school property, Mr Kelly.

Just taking my name off the head boy thing.

- Oh.
- It weren't my idea, really.

- Flick kind of did it without asking.
- Yeah, she just told me, actually.

She obviously feels quite strongly
that you should be running.

- They've been voting for you all week.
- It's fine. I'm not good with responsibility.

Well, you seem quite responsible
for your family.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

You should try telling that to my mum.

Well, it looks like some of you
are still having problems with the coursework.

And some of you just have other things
on your mind. Bolton.

- Bolton!
- Sorry, miss.

Did you find you had any particular problems
with your essay?

- Nah.
- No?

Lf you spent less time floating like a butterfly
I wouldn't have to sting you with a D.

Muhammad Ali?

You're not so clued up
about your boxing history, either.

Be writing about me, soon, anyway.

Cleaver's gonna make me World Champion.

Right, why don't we just concentrate on Dickens'
Great Expectations for the meantime, yeah?

I'd love to, miss,
but I've got to dip out early, innit?

Sorry?

I've got a visit at the boxing gym.
Cleaver wants me to go.

No chance.
You're going to be staying put till the end.

No way. You can't make me.

Bolton!

Sit down!

Sit down!

No. I've gotta go, innit?

The only place you're going to be going to
is the cooler!

Melissa got to you as well, then, has she?

Stuff and nonsense.

Oh, come on. Might be a laugh, if you're game.

Is that all my break-up is to you?

Of course it isn't, Grantly.

But you're going to have to jump back on
the dating bandwagon sooner or later.

- Didn't take Fleur long.
- I don't want to know.

Look, I felt responsible...
you know, for breaking you two up.

So I invited Fleur to this.

Jumped at the chance. Nearly bit my hand off.

You snooze, you lose, Grantly.

Who wants to be the first to hold
the Peregrine Falcon?

- Me.
- What a surprise!

How about you then, Michaela?

Put your glove on, then.
Just let him step up onto you.

In the old days, it were all about different birds
for different status.

I know which one I'm having, then.
Harris Hawk? Sienna? Not likely, son.

- Unless you want a nasty peck on the cheek.
- What, so I don't even get a go?

- You can have a go on the Peregrine Falcon.
- I wanna hold this one.

Nah. Trust me, son. She's a fiery one.

- Not a big fan of us humans.
- That makes two of us.

Last owner didn't look after her properly.

- Mother abandoned her.
- You don't like me, eh?

Go on. Can I hold her? Please?

I'm sorry, son. I can't take the risk.

She might take a bite out of you.

Earl, he doesn't want you touching his birds.
Get over it.

He's heard about your reputation,
same as the rest of us.

Michaela.
Another one like that and it's the cooler.

Who's done what now?

Oh, no, everything's fine.

I just thought that... well, you could come in
and we could have a little catch up.

Oh, yeah? Phone's not working?

Erm, Marley has pulled out of running
for head boy this afternoon.

I've tried talking with him but he...

Well, I just thought that maybe you could...
have a word?

You called me all the way down here
like someone's died for that?

It's a really good opportunity for his CV.

- He's fine as he is.
- No, he's not, actually, Rose.

Do you know how many lessons
he's dropped out of this last week?

We do what we can
but if they're not getting help at home...

I'm there for him 24 hours a day.

Really? OK, is that why Marley...
gets left to look after the kids?

Has he been saying that?

No. But he doesn't need to.

He's throwing his life away
while you look for yours in a bottle.

- I beg your pardon?
- Come on, Rose. I can get you help.

There's lots of really good AA groups.

You can't expect your kids to achieve anything
if you're sitting around drinking.

And who made you the bloody judge and jury?

You know what,
I have not got a perfect past myself.

Yeah. I heard all about that, Madame Mason.

Yeah. I moved on. I got a job.

So I'm an alcoholic who's not there for her kids
and you're telling me to get a job.

You've got Social Services on your back
and you've thrown in the adult literacy course.

You need work to work, Rose,
to prove to them that you mean business.

- Have you got kids?
- Yeah, I've got 600 of them.

None of your own, though?

That is my job, yeah?

I could have walked away like all their dads,

but I'm up to my eyes in debt
raising 'em best I can.

You gonna deny me the odd drink for that?

- Hi...
- Hi, it's Fleur. Leave a message.

Fleur, it's Steph.

Listen, I know I'm not exactly
your favourite person at the minute.

It's just I thought you might like to know
what Grantly is doing tonight.

So can you call me back?

I thought I put him in the cooler.

Yeah, and I took him out.
We've got training to do, so...

You can't go walking over everyone else
just for your stupid boxing class.

Stupid boxing?

That is the best future he's got.

Oh, don't be ridiculous!
He should be exercising his mind, not his fists.

- Now who's being ridiculous? Bolton's mind?
- I am studying, you know.

He won't have one left
after you've punched it out of him.

This is genuine talent here.
Do you want him to throw that away?

- No. I want him to have the choice.
- So can I?

Bolton, shut up.

Let's go and see Miss Mason.
See what she's got to say about this.

You know, I'll make sure
that he goes to every class from now on.

- Too right.
- I just have to make sure he works this evening.

Oh, what a shame.
If you hadn't made him skip the cooler,

I wouldn't have had to put him
in detention tonight.

Got to catch him first, haven't you?

He's scared!

- Stupid thing!

Get it off me! Psycho!

- Go on, bird!
- Quiet!

Aw! Doesn't like you either, Earl!

Stick your birds up your arse!

Looks like Special Needs has spit his dummy.

You been telling Mason I'm a drunk?

- No. Why would I do that?
- Well, someone has.

- She's been accusing me of all sorts.
- Well, it weren't me.

Then find out who it was and set 'em straight,
cos they made me look a right pillock.

- It's fine, I'll take care of it.
- Yeah, you better.

I've got it. Mum, I've got it.
Mum, I said I've got it!

He's my kid. You think I can't manage?

No, actually! No! I don't think you can.

You want to know the reason you're so angry?

Lt's cos you are a washed-up old drunk.
Everybody knows it.

So why don't you go home with
your comfort blanket and let me cover for you.

Cos that's what I've been used to
since I were ten, so why change now, eh?

- I want to decorate it all pink.
- All pink?

Perfect. That one there.

Can I pay for that over the phone?

Same-day delivery as well.

The number is 6790...

5688...

I'll pay over the phone. Where's the card?

- Mr Donte Charles.
- Mr Donte Charles.

Donte Charles here.

- Oh, check that out.
- 42-inch would go perfect right there.

We need to copy both the DVDs, you know.

It's the business code. Start making money.

- Five of them? Brilliant.
- Nice one.

Lt would go perfect right there.

That is wicked.

Wicked.

Sorted.

All done, babe.

Hard day or what?

If I'm such an alkie,
who's gonna give me a job?

I am.

In the school canteen.

No way!

- Candice, please. She needs this.
- Yeah, and I need it like a hole in t'head.

Look, it's a trial. Just a trial.
She messes up and she's out.

What is this? A drop-in centre, eh?

That woman and hers sweat trouble.
I can smell it.

And yours were always angels, were they?

- Look...

It's a different pay scale for supervisors.

I'm sure you could do with the extra help.

Right. 60 quid a week extra
and I do the hiring and firing from now on.

She messes up and she's out.

Here we are.

Here we are.

- Suppose I've got no choice, have I?
- Neither of us do, love.

There you are, girls. One each for you.

Take them home with you.

What are you giving them to the kids for?
Lt's adults only.

- Who's going to tell them?
- Try and be discreet. If Rachel finds out...

Of course! You know me.
Discretion is my middle name.

Sam. Now, your mum's been on her own
a long time, hasn't she?

Get her to come along.

There's a dad out there somewhere
waiting for you.

Have to get her off her fat arse
and out t'house first. She's a right catch!

There you are, you two.

Right, rubber gloves have always got to be worn
when you're handling the food, right?

This area is the baking area, as you can see.

You've got that there, you've got weights,
trays here.

If you need anything else, come to me.
Now, this section...

STEVE: I run a falconry class at weekends
if any of 'em want to take it further.

- Oh, yeah.
- We'll see how it goes this afternoon.

I'll give that Earl kid another try, if you like.

- Mind you, you'll owe us more than a pint.
- Yeah, several.

- I don't like to think of anyone as a lost cause.
- No. What the...

Oh, no!

Sienna's gone.

I can't believe it! Well, did anyone see anything?

Well, how long have you been here?

- Did you lock it?
- Yeah.

I can't believe this.
Are you sure no-one saw anything?

Come one, come all!
Single parents required tonight!

Free glass of ros?. Free love if they're lucky.

Excuse me. What is going on here?
I thought I'd said no to this.

It's for the community.

Yes. Not for the kids. Thank you.

Some of us got a little bit carried away
in the moment.

Steph, this sets the wrong tone for the school.

Come on, Rachel, lighten up.
The only time parents get within 20 feet

of this place is when their kids are on the skids.

- About time they had a bit of fun.
- Excuse me, I will tell you...

- Rachel...
- Can you give me a second?

- Please. We've got a problem.
- I'll...

- One of the hawks is missing.
- They've got trackers. If she's been released,

- we should be able to get her back.
- They can't have got far.

It's not how far he's got you want to worry about.
Did they not tell you?

You were teaching a bird k*ller. Earl's m*rder*d
birds and left them on my doorstep.

You had him out there with my birds
and you didn't even tell me?

- We're not sure about this, Steve.
- You lied to me!

Have we even looked for Earl yet?
All we've got at the moment is a missing bird.

- What?
- I told Mr Clarkson I saw Earl lurking by the van.

Sienna's my prize hawk.
You better be praying she's OK,

or I'll report you and you'll all be up on charges.

- Hang on, no police, no hysterics. Not yet.
- Too late.

- You should've excluded him earlier.
EDDIE: Lt's not that simple.

Why don't we just wait till we find the bird
or Earl? There's no need to panic.

- Probably on my doorstep by now.
- I'm off.

- I'll come with you.
- Hang on.

- I'm going with him.
- You drive. I'll get the tracker.

Right.

She's within a mile or two.

Off.

Earl Kelly's only gone and k*lled
one of them birds, hasn't he?

- Who's texted you that crap?
- Ruth. Heard it off Michaela.

- Happened at dinner. Told you he was no good.
- Shut up.

The guy's a muppet, man! Let's face it.
How do you spell "psycho", sir?

- Is it E-A-R-L?

More like E-X-P-E-L-L-E-D.

What you gonna put in your speech now,
Marley? "lt weren't me. It were my brother."

That's disgusting, that,
murdering a little animal.

- Shut up.
- It's nothing to do with Marley.

- It's his brother, innit?
- So? You don't even know what's going on.

It's obvious. The whole family's trouble.

The only thing that's obvious is your prejudice.

How do you expect anyone to get better
if you're always expecting the worst?

GRANTLY: Yeah, all right, settle down.

- Marley...
- Sit down, Miss Mellor.

Not so smart now, are you?

Who's in control now?

Marley!

What now?

Nothing. Just thought you might like to know
Miss Mason's given me a job.

What?

Gonna clean up the school kitchens
and myself while I'm at it.

- Is that all it takes?
- It's a start.

Hey... I heard you pulled out of
that head boy thing.

I don't want you
throwing your life away for me, Marley.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

Thanks for coming.

We're looking forward to some great speeches,

so without further ado,
let's welcome our first candidate.

Marley Kelly.

We're pretty much on top of it.

Should be just down here.

This is Tom's street.

I don't believe this.

- He's taken...
- Earl! Earl!

- She could be anywhere now.
- Rest assured, when I find him...

It's not going to bring my hawk back, is it?

Look, he couldn't have gone far.

We came in this way and he didn't pass us,
so he must have carried on down there.

- Come on, man!

Thank you, Matthew.
And next up, we've got Simon Hoskins.

So, I suppose you're looking for security
and leadership from your head boy.

I like to think I'm up to the job.

I want better sports facilities and more flexibility
on studies before the year is out.

I promise to be reliable.

There's no dodgy skeletons or brothers
in my closet waiting to come out.

You finished?

Is it my turn now?

What's that? Looks like her cage.
- Right.

He can't be far.

You all had a good laugh at my little brother?

Yeah, I suppose it is funny when it's not you.

Look, I wasn't even sure
I was gonna do this speech.

But then I thought...
what else have I got to lose, eh?

Hey, hang on.

When someone's got a reputation,
people always think the worst.

But people can surprise you, can't they?

She shouldn't be trusting him like that.

MARLEY: You know what you lot need?

You need someone
who'll look for the best in themselves

and look for the best in others
and look for the best in the school,

rather than just... rather than just taking
the easy option and picking on the obvious.

This morning,
I wasn't sure I wanted to be head boy,

but now... now I know I do
and I reckon I'm gonna do a good job as well...

cos I've got more to prove.

You can't let your circumstances
dictate who you are as a person.

And you can't let anyone hold you back.
Whoever they are.

Guess this makes Tom happy.

The whole school calling for my blood.

What did you expect?

- You thought I'd k*lled her, didn't you?
- No.

Then why were you running when you saw me?

Expected the worst. Just like the rest of them.

Can you blame me?
You did break into the van and steal her.

I just wanted to fly her for myself.

- You should've asked.
- And so should you!

- You wanna know who k*lled the birds?
- Who?

Our cat. We've just moved house, haven't we?

She's taking them to the wrong one.

Yeah. Tom didn't ask, either.

None of you did.

Just looked at the evidence
and assumed the worst.

That's the thing with wildlife.

They make up their own minds who to trust.

I guess you want to know some of my policies,
then.

OK, what about vending machines
in the common room?

And better study facilities.

More free periods.

More pride in the Waterloo Road sixth form.

And...

I was, erm...

That's my boy.

My heady head head boy. Go on, Marley.
Go on, my son!

- Sorry, I was saying that...
ROSE: Carry on.

Carry on.

Talk amongst yourselves.

If we can invest more in the...

With the right amount of... Mum, what the?

I'm so proud of you, you know that?

I love you, Marley.

- You know that, don't you?
- Mum!

OK, that's all.

That's all.

I'm all right, I'm all right.

I've got her. I've got her.

- You're proud of me, aren't you, Marley?
- Course.

- You are though, aren't you?
- Yeah.

Cos I am proud of you.

Come on.

Ah, good evening.

Grantly Budgen. Absolute pleasure.

If I could rearrange the alphabet,
I'd put U and I together.

How about..."I'm no Fred Flintstone,
but I'll make your bed rock."

What is with the old-school lines, Budgen?

Have you got a date lined up?

Shouldn't you be knocking
seven bells out of Bolton?

Come on, Grantly, I might be able to help.

I am attending the speed dating this evening.

It seems I am once again to play the field,
as it were.

Hey, you seem to be a bit of a hit with the ladies.

What's your secret?
The marketplace has changed a bit...

Since you were last courting.

What was it back then? Pistols at dawn?

No, seriously, I know it's a clich?,
but it's true: Just be yourself.

That's the problem. It's only Fleur
that's ever been able to stomach that.

Failing that...

same principle as any sale: A.B.C.

Always... Be...

Be... Always Be...

Always Be Closing?

Complimentary.

Always Be Complimentary.

Always Be Complimentary.

Steve was telling me about
these falconry classes he runs.

I'm sure he'd like to see you there.

Took to you quicker than she did me.
Be a shame to let that go.

Well, I'll take that as a yes, then.
I'll square it with Mr Clarkson.

No reason why you two shouldn't be
happy neighbours from now on.

- You get to him in time?
- I got him wrong, Tom. We both did.

- Yeah, right.
- He didn't k*ll those birds. It was his cat.

Right!

You might get to know the lad better
if you talk to him.

- Talking to him's one thing. Try living next to it.
- Tom...

Save it, Eddie.
You're as deaf and dumb as all the rest.

Where do I stay?

Where do I play?

Up in this gridlock for days

- I'm sorry.
- Is everything OK, miss?

No, it's not. Have you seen Bolton?

- He's supposed to be in detention.
- I think so.

Mr Cleaver's just took him to the boxing club.

Which is where?

Janeece, please.

- Dunlop Street. But you didn't get that from me.
- Thanks.

Looks like I've made some progress with him.

Finally.

Seems he's found a real passion for it.

Steve's going to take him
to the weekend classes.

That's good.

I'm sorry.

For not listening earlier.

Got caught up in the drama and...

overreacted.

Honestly...
I'd kind of given up on him myself as well.

Well, I think I made some progress
with Marley and Rose today as well.

Oh, what a team!

- Getting the Kellys back on track.
- Yeah.

- We should go for a drink and celebrate.
- I would, but, erm...

I promised your sister
I'd help her with the speed dating.

Eddie, I cannot believe
that you're getting involved in that!

- The whole thing should be cancelled.
- I know, but it's too late.

What would you prefer? Her doing it by herself
or with... a little bit of supervision from us?

Give her a chance, Rach.

I knew you wouldn't have done nothing bad.

- What makes you think I didn't?
- Don't joke. Everyone else was slagging you off

- but I stood by you.
- Yeah?

- You'd be in trouble if you hadn't.
- Whatever.

I'm the only that knows
you're just a big softie deep down.

Well, tell anyone... and I'll have to do you.

Might not be such a bad thing.

Don't get all huggy-huggy on me.

- This better?
- Yeah?

Sir...

Look, I wanted to apologise for my little brother.

No, it's me that should be apologising.
Turns out I got him all wrong.

He told me about your cat leaving
those dead birds on Mr Clarkson's doorstep.

- Right, erm...
- Is everything OK?

- Did you get to do that speech in the end?
- Yeah.

Well done. I'll look forward to the results.

See? Not all doom and gloom.
Got to be good news about Earl, right?

- Yeah. It would be if it were true.
- What?

We ain't got a cat.

Hey. It's a three-to-one ratio in my favour.

Women of a certain age can't afford to be fussy.

Mm. Why don't you try leading with that one,
Grantly.

And all you'll be picking'll be canap?s
out of your weave.

Speaking of unwelcome surprises...

Right.

Sure Miss Koreshi OK'd me skipping detention?

Yes, don't worry about it. It's going to be fine.

- Not exactly state of the art, is it?
- Have you not seen Rocky?

You're lucky I haven't got you punching frozen
meat. From now on, this is your new home.

All right, bruiser?
I'll be collecting your rent in sweat.

Leave it till you get the wraps on.

What does that do?

Not a bad turnout.

OK, everyone.
Two minutes a session, then move on.

And no stragglers.

- Mm, what a pretty blouse.
- Thank you.

My Fleur had one just like it
but we took it to the charity shop.

Allergy to cheap synthetics.

It's more a fear of the unknown, really.

Took me 12 changes of clothes
to get here tonight, I were sweating that much.

Well, I think you look absolutely fine.

- And trust me, I am nothing if not honest.
- (Snorts)

My Grantly used to call it my blossom,
but the doctor said it was eczema.

That's not me, pet. I'm not the jealous type.

And he gave me a cream
that brought me out in welts.

No, it's not my own, but with due respect,
not "no previous owners" yourself, are you?

Excuse me.

I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm going to spare you
both the misery and do a swap.

Fleur, are you through
wasting this gentleman's time?

Hop it.

Right, you two, stop messing about.
Get on with it!

Jab... come on.

Bolton... Bolton, jab.

Jab, jab, jab.

Again, again.

Again, again, again, again.

- What are you doing?
- Done, aren't we?

- What, half an hour?
- Yeah.

Get back, come on.

Hey. Why don't you pick on
someone your own size?

Ha! Ding, dong, round two!

And you'd better tell me why
this is more important than detention.

Rob said...

Miss, this is the only thing
I've ever been good at.

The best.

If you just give me a chance,
I can show you what I can do.

I'll never skip lesson again, I promise.

Please don't take this away from me.

All right. Show me what all the fuss is about.

Jab it out, mate. Jab it out.

Combos.

Again.

Again.

Again. Again.

- Didn't take you long to get over me, did it?
- I only came to watch you in action.

That's not what Steph said.

What are you talking about?

She told me that...

We need to start communicating,
Grantly Budgen.

- Me and you both.

Proper. It's pretty obvious you couldn't manage
an affair even if you wanted to.

I... was just getting warmed up.

Oh, all right, then. Off you pop.
Sorry I interrupted.

No...

Don't leave me.

Please.

Is that us, then?

No. It definitely is not.

I still need to get used to
that mid-life mortarboard.

Now come here, you big idiot!

You see? Some people just need to see
the nose on their face.

Does Grantly's missus not mind
his scarlet woman being in the same room?

No. Does your girlfriend
not mind you being here?

Is that Chanel No.5?

Oh, don't give me that sensitive man crap.

- No?
- Well, I mean, yes, compared to this lot in here,

you're a flaming Casanova, but...

You see this rough-looking exterior
and don't think there's any more to me than that.

No, I see this rough-looking exterior
and I hope to God that there isn't.

Dave, I'm sick of men and their feelings.

There's only room for one emotional
basket case here and you're looking at her.

In that case, is there any chance of me
taking you out for that drink?

Dunno.

Maybe.

Right, right. Good, good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Combination. Yeah.

OK. Take a breath.

Wow. He is good.

Yeah. Not such a stupid sport after all, is it?

I wouldn't go that far, but he's obviously loving it.

Give me two weeks in the ring with you,
I'll have you loving it even more.

You'll be lucky.

Not a complete disaster, then?

No, but don't think we'll make
a regular thing of it.

Spread a little love, Rach. Just doesn't seem fair,
me and Eddie keeping it all to ourselves.

Mel, do you think that maybe you and Eddie
are... I don't know, going a bit too fast?

What's next? Moving in together?
You've only known each other five seconds.

- Eddie? Can you come here a minute?
- Don't...

Rach has got a great idea.

Do you think that you, me and Phil
could live under one roof?

- I don't see why not. Yours or mine?
- Ours.

Rachel, you've got to come for that drink now.
This is a celebration.

Come on, I'll get our coats.

- Rachel, I know what you're thinking.
- Do you, now?

It must seem crazy,
me getting caught up in all this stuff...

but I'm deadly serious about your sister.

I just need to know that you're OK with that
before we take it any further.

- Of course I am. Of course I am!
- Good.

Welcome home, babe.

Here's to our first night alone.

- That dessert?

Not quite. But I tell you what is.

- Is Mum sleeping it off?
- Yeah.

- Are you gonna give us a hand?
- In a minute.

What's this?

That's nothing.

- Are you gonna get that?

Flick, er...

Look, I thought I told you not to come here.

- What was that for?
- I've always wanted to kiss a head boy.

Your work was done
before your mum arrived.

Like you said,
people can make up their own minds.

They wanted you.

Bit like me.

Have I forgot an anniversary?

I recognised I'd neglected someone
who deserves a treat

for all the rubbish they've put up with recently.

From me...

and from them.

- That and...
- What?

Council have sent them a written warning.
Might finally get through to them.

Evicted?

I'll k*ll him!

Earl... Earl! Lt says one more disturbance
and we're out!

Yeah? I'll give him that.

No more Mr Grumpy Neighbour, I promise.

- What the hell was that?

What?

Think it went that way. Really big cat, this one.

Log it with Environmental Health.

- You're finished, Kelly!
- Tom, leave it.

- Come on, come on!
- Tom! Tom, leave it, please. Please, come on.

- Look at the car!
- I know, I know.

Come on. Just... Let's get back inside.