04x05 - Episode 5

[bunniefuu]

Oh, my, God, here he comes.

Morning, sir.

Girls.

Both of you, it's not a race.
Calm down.

Morning.

- Are you ready for the drugs awareness day?
- It's gonna be great.

Yeah, thanks so much
for all your support, Rache.

Here is your early morning escort. Again.

- There's Ralph Mellor with his big box of tricks.
- What is Ralph doing here?

He's the chair of the Board of Governors
and a policeman to boot, it's an obvious tie-in.

- Maybe for you, yeah.
- Don't be so negative, Rache.

These tests are about raising drugs awareness.

It's not like we're labelling the kids dope heads.

Hello, Ralph.

Rachel.

I suppose
I should say thank you for getting involved.

It's a pleasure. Anything that tells the community
we care about the kids' welfare.

And I've got a mate coming from the local paper
to do a story about it.

That's going to bring us some fantastic publicity.
I'll check to see if Rose Kelly has arrived.

She must be scared as hell.
Her first day's work in over a decade.

Excuse me, what about...

I'll be back in a bit once she's settled.
Our adults are important, too.

The time we've wasted on that family.

Have you got my drugs day consent form?

- What for?
- I'll show you.

That is well good stuff, man.

Hand me some of that.

Oh, hell.

Oh, man, I need something kosher
to see me through today.

Tell Mason to shove her job.

Don't, Mum, don't listen to him.
She wants this job.

- All right?
- Yeah. Course she does.

Hey, I'll get my sleeves rolled up, no problem.

Morning, Rose.

- Are you ready?
- Yeah, actually...

Well, good for you for making the effort.

Flipping cheek.
Treating us like junkies. For what?

- A bit of smoke on the weekend?
- I know, it's mental, innit.

- I ain't even doing that any more though.
- What?

All that training that I'm doing, innit. Cleaver's,
"Drink this. Don't eat that." Ner, ner, ner, ner.

Well, if any teacher points a finger at me,
they'll get it pointed right back.

- What are you on about?
- I've been doing a bit of research.

Amazing what you can find out on the Net.

It's a flaming nightmare.
On my case about everything.

I've got as much right to a private life
as anyone else in this school.

With Dad snooping around, it's impossible.

The drugs tests are voluntary.

Dad's a policeman, remember.

He'll find some way to turn it
into some big criminal investigation.

I've just finished marking your last essay.

Don't look so worried.

You've got a way with words.

Oh, thanks, miss.

And I'm not known for my generous marking,
so well done.

It was all right.

Maybe Marley can help you with your structure.

I might take you up on that.

- It was a fluke.
- There you go again.

Putting yourself down.
That is one thing you'd get an A in every time.

We've got to go to this drugs thingy.

- All right.
- Are you worried?

No.

Turning into the school janitor now,
are we, Dave?

Just making myself useful, Miss Haydock.

Don't want messages like this
going out to the pupils, do you?

Nice to see you making yourself so handy.

Did you see that?

- What?
- Dave.

Giving me the eye.
I have so got him wrapped round this.

So you're into him again? Cos yesterday
you weren't sure. Make up your mind, Stef.

A girl's allowed to take her time, Maxine.

Great for you. It must be nice being able
to do what you want when you want.

I don't think I like your tone, young lady.

It's not fair, is it, banning me from seeing Earl?

- I wish I could ban you.
- I wish you'd stop trying to!

Maxine, it's only during the school week. I can't
get you up in the mornings at the best of times.

We love each other,
so you're just gonna have to get used to it.

Hey, Tom.

- Any news on this mortgage coming through?
- Nothing.

- How long do these things take?
- If you're short, I can help you out.

Well, maybe just a little bit
till the cheque came through.

Donte, we don't need it.

The rent on that flat
must be costing you a fortune.

And that's not even including
the maintenance charges or gas and electric.

We've borrowed enough money
to cover all our bills.

He's just trying to get interest-free money.
Don't let him fleece you.

What did you say that for?

Tom, you know at this morning's break?

Can I practise my lesson on you?

Yeah, course.
But you don't need to, you're a natural.

Phil.

- You all right?
- Er, yeah, good, thanks.

Listen, I just wanted to say thank you
for the link you sent me.

You're a star.

- It's no problem.
- Are you nervous about today?

What if Aunt Rache and Stepdad Eddie
find out you're a secret toker?

I don't want to do that, to be honest.

You're kidding. I thought you'd be a right rebel.

It must be hard, though.
Your mum going out with the deputy and that.

It's a nightmare.

No, Eddie - Mr Lawson - is quite cool.
Me and him are good mates.

Is that right?

- Have you told Haydock our plans yet?
- I'm going to, today.

Good, cos I can't be bothered
waiting much longer.

I told you what she's like.
I've just got to persuade her.

What are you doing?

Lt's great to see
you and Melissa getting on so well.

You don't sound like you think it's great.

Maybe you could wrench yourself away
once in a while.

That's very schoolmarmish.

I hope you've given your support to this
for the right reasons.

Good morning, everyone.

In case you haven't already noticed, today we're
beginning our drugs awareness campaign.

Detective Inspector Ralph Mellor,
chair of our Board of Governors,

is here to take us through the nuts and bolts.

But I want you all to remember,
this is a drugs test trial, it is not a witch hunt.

All we want is to make sure that everybody
in the school, including staff, are drugs aware.

OK, Inspector Mellor.

On that last point, yes, it's a trial.

But I hope anyone testing positive
will use Miss Ryan's drugs education classes.

Because taking cannabis is a criminal offence.

Might as well get the handcuffs out now.

And we want to stop young people
from turning to a life of crime.

What do we have to wear this clown's outfit for?

So your nits don't go in t'food, innit.

- Stick a flower in it or something. Jazz it up a bit.
- Excuse me, it's a question of hygiene.

And every time you go to t'toilet,
wash your hands.

I don't need lectures from you
about keeping clean.

For all I know, you're covered in scabies.
Maybe you serve 'em up to the kiddies for lunch.

- I told you, I'm not putting up with this.
- Come on, ladies, big smiles.

Now, Rose, as Candice will tell you,
there's not a lot to this job.

It's just like cooking at home, isn't it, Candice?
Except with a few more portions.

If you think it's that easy, you try.
It takes years of training.

And a PhD in diplomacy.

If it had been up to me,
she wouldn't have this job in a million years.

There must be something else I can do. Peeling
potatoes for a living is what immigrants are for.

- Yeah, Irish immigrants.
- Look, Rose, just try getting on with Candice.

She might have a hard exterior,
but, believe me, there's a warm heart in there.

I'll do my best.

OK, I'll see you later, ladies.

- You're getting off, are you?
- I'll leave Rose to the expert.

Right. See that grill over there?

Lt needs scrubbing till it shines.

Great having a free period
when you don't expect, isn't it?

I'm not good at being free, me.
I'd rather be teaching.

If that doesn't sound pompous.

I suppose I get a buzz from it, you know.

Me, too. But I don't think
I give off the same glow as you do.

That'll be the Ready Brek.

You should be in there
talking to the kids about drugs.

- Oh, yeah?
- Well, they listen to you.

You're like one of those life coaches
you see on American TV.

- I must be sounding pompous.
- Don't talk about yourself in the third person.

I like getting the kids pumped up.
Maybe I wish someone had tried it on me.

Well, do you know something?
Your energy is infectious.

That does make me glow.

I don't know whether you saw
the vacancy advertised on the notice board,

but it might be right up your street.

The only people having fun with drugs
are the dealers who take your money

and sell you what could be your final hit.

(Toots whistle)

This is Gonzo. Gonzo is a sniffer dog.

His bark is admissible evidence in court.

- What the hell?
- Off you go, Gonzo.

She's found something.

Oh, come on.

Can you turn your pockets out, please?

- You what?
- Can you turn your pockets out now?

No way.

- And you a teacher?
- I can't believe it.

- Neither do I.
- Someone must have planted it.

- Stop taking those photographs.
- You are coming down the station with me.

- It isn't mine. I'm just looking after...
- I don't believe this.

Listen, lying only gets you in deeper.

How long do you want to spend behind bars, eh?

Lt isn't mine.

- Thank you, Mr Clarkson.

Obviously, this was planted

- for demonstration purposes only...
- What?

...and will be going straight back
to the police stores.

- Sir, is that your tenner on the floor?
- What? Yes, it is. Thank you, Kelly.

Are you sure there's a tenner down there?

Oi, get away!

Come back here!

You animal!

Come here!

Right, now! Drop it, you stupid mutt,

or I am going to kick your backside.

- Drop it.
- Gonzo.

- That's my flaming hair he's slobbering all over.
- Back to your seats, please.

Get back in now!

- Good boy.
- Good boy?

Good boy? That's ?450 worth of work.

Right, over here.

Put those on.

And then what I want you to do is take this,
put it in the flour,

dip it, coat it, slap it on there.

250 times.

Bleeding hell. 250?

Fine. 250 it is.

And then when you've finished with it,
put it in the ovens.

You've not turned the ovens on.
I said to you before, put the oven on.

- I forgot, right.
- We've got hundreds of kids to see to.

- You can't just forget.
- Stop picking on me, Candice.

- This is my first day.
- First day of work in 15 years.

- Well, I'm trying, aren't I?
- Very.

Just give us a chance, right.

I'm on pills for my nerves.

In fact, I'm not meant to do a lot of standing up.

Oh, right.

Laziness.
That'll go on my report to Miss Mason an' all.

Look at me. I'm doing it.

And what are you doing hanging around here,
Charles?

Sir, man to man,

you can't go into a classroom looking like that.

You're gonna get made mincemeat of.

Anyone taking the mickey out of me
will find themselves in the cooler, all right?

Oh, so you can fit
the whole school in the cooler?

Cos that's what you're gonna have to do.
I mean, it's a joke, sir.

But I can help you out.

You?

Yeah. Well, our Chlo, she's...

...been training up on hairpieces.

- Has she?
- Oh, yeah.

It's a big part of her course, you know,
cos loads of guys like yourself want it done.

Cool guys.

And, well, it's pretty cheap. 50 quid.

Yeah, but for you we can... we can call it 40.

Where did you disappear to?

I just got you a bit of business.
Sorting Budgen's wig.

- Get lost. I don't know the first thing about wigs.
- He doesn't know that, does he?

- Anyway, it's good money.
- Stop going on about money.

- You sound desperate.
- Hey, it's called maximising profit, babe.

All businesses do it.

The guy is gonna be dead grateful, honest.

Just look on it as training yourself up.

Testing will take place in here all day.

And I will be here to oversee the proceedings.

Let's have a couple of volunteers now.

Just to show everyone
that there's nothing to be worried about.

Come on.

What about our head boy and head girl?

Why us?

Because you two represent Waterloo Road.

If you two do it, you'll be setting
a good example to the others.

Anyway, I hope my own daughter
hasn't got anything to hide.

How do we know the test is gonna be fair?

Marley, if you don't want to take the test,
don't do it.

- So it's my choice, right?
- Fine.

- If you're choosing no...
- Dopehead!

Come on, guys.

Marley doesn't want to be open about things.

Fine, I'll take the test. Bring it on.

Thank you, Marley.

Flick? The same goes for you, it's your choice.

What's the problem, Felicity?
Lf Marley can volunteer...

Come on. It's just a simple cheek swab.

Being treated like guinea pigs.

We've got to give them a steer.
If they take drugs, they're gonna get in trouble.

And that is why we need education,
not pointing the finger.

- I don't want to put kids off asking for help.
- She's fretting.

- Why? Lt's all going according to plan.
- Said the captain of the Titanic.

- Come on, you're willing this not to work.
- No, I'm not.

I just don't trust Ralph Mellor.
He's too heavy-handed.

And I don't know why you got him involved.

I've got A level maths.

- Rache.
- What?

Is it annoying you,
me and Eddie being so close?

No!

Of course it's not.

I think it's quite touching
the way he's always backing you up.

That's a relief.

What?

I so don't want to admit this. I've been feeling
that with your history with Eddie...

Come on, Mel, you're not saying
you feel threatened by me?

- I'm being paranoid, aren't I?
- Yes.

Especially now you've got Ben.

- Is he the one?
- Who knows?

I'm dreading this afternoon.

I feel like I'm going to puke up at any minute.

Your assessor wants you to do well.
You'll be great.

Thanks. I just wish it wasn't Year 11
and Earl Kelly.

- See you in a bit.
- See you later.

Anything interesting?

- Oh?
- Suppose it's yours for the taking?

- I wouldn't touch it with the proverbial.
- Really?

Apart from the fact I'd be doing all of Grantly's
work for him, I've got my pastoral job to do.

To tell you the truth, they'll be lucky to fill it.

Hello.

I'll have this off in a jiffy.

Nobody should speak about a lady like that.

Actually, I inherited these desks
from another classroom.

Ah, I thought so, aye.
Just thought I'd clean 'em up for you.

Right. Yeah, they must be at least 20 years old.

Almost as old as me.

You're never 20, are you?

Right.

Find a seat and settle down.

Are you looking for something, son?

No, sir.

See you later.

Miss, um...

If taking drugs is ill*gal, how can
a teacher guarantee you can't be charged?

That's the deal we made with the police.

Yeah, but you don't know my dad.
He sometimes swings the rules if it suits him.

There aren't any rules to swing,
it's just an experiment.

But you'll be reading things into it, like who's
a good or bad person depending on the results.

You're worrying over nothing.

All we're trying to do with these tests
is help make you aware

and help you find solutions
to problems you might have.

Doesn't that sound like a good thing to you?

Netball... is one of the fastest ball games
in the world.

Not only do you have to be physically fit,
you need strategic thoughts.

Why don't you just ask me
to strip off and lie down?

I'm sorry, you were saying something, Aleesha?

She's saying you're to ask her
to strip off and lie down.

- That's crap.
- Why are you lying?

- Sir, she never said that.
- Enough of that. Let's get you up in two lines.

Come on, up. Did you hear me?

Now get the ba*ls out.

I want you to practise your chest passes,
hard as you can.

If I get so much as a whiff of any more
adolescent rubbish from you, I will...

That's good, very good.

- More of that, please, ladies.

To the chest, not the head.

Take it in.

He's always showing me up. He can't keep
his flaming policeman's badge in his pocket.

It's like I expect to be arrested
for not tidying my room.

Imagine if he found out I smoke dope?

He'd lock you up and throw away the key.

- He would an' all.
- Don't be daft. His own daughter.

Like that's ever meant anything.

Maybe that's what they need.
Real addicts. A bit of a detox.

- I kind of agree with your dad on drugs.
- You do?

When you live with someone
who gets off their face every night,

then you'll see where I'm coming from.

Marley.

I need to tell you something.

But you can't get mad.

When those test results come back,
mine's going to be... positive.

Dad's gonna know. Everyone's gonna know.

- What?
- Yeah, I've had the odd spliff.

It's not a big deal, I'm not a junkie or anything.

OK, well...

you might get a slap on the wrist.

- You heard what Mason said. It's just a trial.
- He'll roast me.

Look, they'll pack you off
to drugs awareness sessions, it's not that bad.

Yeah, but you heard Dad.
Entering a life of crime and all that.

- He's not gonna stop there.
- Well?

Well, what? I made my bed?

No, I... That's not what I was gonna say.

Your dad wanting openness about drugs.
He's gonna get that.

- He's gonna have to deal with it.
- God, I'm flaming dead.

There you go.

Earl's gonna love it.

- What? He likes me to look nice.
- He's an headcase.

I don't like lying to Miss Haydock
about you staying over.

- Yeah, me an'all.
- We're gonna tell her I'm moving in with him.

- Haydock is gonna go mental.
- Let her!

I don't want to lie to her any more.

Just like yous.

I hear you've been training up on hairpieces.

Yeah, she has. Do you want yours doing, sir?
After getting all that dog slavver on it.

You don't want to get distemper,
do you, Mr Budgen?

That is a dog's disease.

- Pop this on.
- Do you want me to trim your real hair first?

Just proceed with the weave.

Some... hot curling tongs, Chlo.

Yeah, great.

Don't worry, Mr Budgen.
We'll have it sorted in no time.

God almighty, have you got any idea...

Oh, right!

You are a couple of con merchants.
Miss Mason is gonna hear about this operation.

- Please don't, sir.
- I hope you can pay for the damage.

Now, then, sir.

So, how much money did we scam off him then?

I forgot. I've got English homework.

We often think of poetry
as having subjects like beauty...

Iove and joy.

But if you take a look at this second verse...

"In winter trenches cowered and glum
with crumps and lice and lack of rum...

he put a b*llet through his brain
and no-one spoke of him again."

Lt's very harsh and ugly, isn't it?

Miss, are you giving us the answers
or asking us the questions?

Sorry.

So, how would you describe
the subject matter of suicide in the trenches?

- Load of crap.
- Oi.

One more word from you, Kelly,
and you are out that door.

And put your hand up next time
before you give an answer.

That's great.
That's exactly what the assessor is looking for.

How you keep the class focused on you.
And you're good and scary.

It's good, honestly.

And do you not think
the poem is too depressing?

Stop worrying about it.
You're gonna be great. Again.

OK, remember similes are expressed
by the words "like" or "as".

As fit as...

Mr Cleaver.

- As sexy as...
- Mr Cleaver.

- I think he fancies me.
- That just shows how much you know.

- Cos he asked me round to his house tonight.
- Get real.

I'll tell you exactly what he said.
"I think you need some private tutoring."

Oh, and he did this with his tongue
as he said it.

Karla's right, you're a liar.

And he asked me to call him "Rob".

Hey, are you two wasting your time?

No, miss.

What struck me is the support Waterloo Road
is getting from the parents out there.

Yes, they can see what a difference
the community school is making.

And if you give the local community
your support, they give it you right back.

- Thank you very much, Ms?
- Ryan.

Melissa. Extended Services Manager.

I'm responsible for setting all this up.

- Thank you, Ms Ryan.
- Thanks.

Well, I think we put on a good show.

Yeah, I think we made our point.

I hope your mate over there
is gonna give us five stars.

He'll do what I tell him.
Right, we're gonna get these down the lab.

I'm standing by to give us
a fast turnaround on the results.

- What's the urgency?
- That's what the kids would want, isn't it?

Since when did the kids know
what's best for them?

Hello, is anyone here?

Jasmine, Jasmine.

Hiya. Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.

I'm sorry.

The staff shower lost its pressure.

I have to take a shower about two
or three times a day. Comes with the job.

There's another thing
that might come with the job.

A couple of girls with a serious crush problem.

Only a couple?

These two have got vivid imaginations.

Ah, Danielle and Aleesha.

The very ones.

And they've got you inviting them over
for private tutoring.

- Well, that could get me arrested.
- Yeah. Thought I'd better let you know.

Yeah, ta.

This happen to you quite a lot?

Schoolgirl crushes?

Er, no, not really.

I don't believe the boys let you off lightly either.

Listen, I had a look at
that job advertisement you mentioned.

Deputy head of the English department.

Are you gonna go for it?

I've only been teaching for a year.

You know what...
I'm head of department, yeah?

And I've only been teaching one year,
one year longer than you.

So you do the math.

There's no way he's getting any money off us.

We destroyed his ?450 wig.

Didn't you sell 'em?

- Looks like I ain't ever gonna sell 'em.
- What?

Everyone is downloading now.
The market is flooded, OK.

You've only just set up.

Yeah, well, it looks like
I'm gonna close down, Chlo.

- You are joking?
- Do I look like I'm joking?

This DVD business has gone to crap.

How are we going to get all our money back?

- Our investment.
- Don't start nagging on at me.

You're the one that mucked up today, not me.

We could have got
some good money off Budgen,

but, oh, no, instead
we're the ones that have to fork out to him.

I told you I knew nothing about flipping wigs.

- What are we supposed to do now, Chlo?
- Stop it, Donte.

I'm sorry.

Don't worry, all right.

We'll sort summat out.

We're just gonna have to work twice as hard.

We can cover it though, yeah?

Yeah. Course we can.

Me and you can do anything.

Mum, what do you look like?

Just tell us what you want, love.

Just chips. More chips.

- Only one portion per child.
- My mum can give me what she likes.

- It's only a few chips.
- Yeah, and those chips add up.

- She can have my portion.
- Ta, sir. Ha! So shut your hole.

Get!

I'm sorry, Candice. She's way out of control.

- I'll have to come down heavy on her.
- Who'd be a mother these days, eh?

Lf I could, I'd take
the lot of them to a car boot sale.

The hassle they cause me.

No favouritism to your own kids, OK?

Otherwise it'll cause a riot.

Other than that, you're not doing too bad.

I think you look much better
without the stupid thing.

I hesitate to use the word "conspiracy",
but that's what it feels like.

Conspiracy or no conspiracy,

I know one person who will be delighted
that you got rid of it. Your wife.

Hmm, far be it for a mere teacher
to try to reinvent himself.

Shepherd's pie and chips,
sticky toffee pudding and custard, please.

- Mind if I join you?
- No. You must be hungry.

All the hard work you've been putting in.

You're making yourself indispensable.

Listen, Dave, I...

I haven't really had the chance
to thank you for today.

Sometimes it can be a bit hurtful when
you read what the little sods think about you.

Do you want to know what I think about you?

Yes, please.

Well, the truth is...

...I think you're pretty damn fantastic.

And I've been building up to this,
like, waiting for the right moment...

Some people might say
you're a little overcautious, Dave.

You'd do me a great favour
if I could take you out for a nice meal tonight.

- Steph...
- Not now, Maxine.

It's important. We have something to tell you.

- I'm sure it can wait. It can't be that important.
- We think it is.

Why do I find that very worrying?

Lt's nothing to worry about, honest.

I'm sorry, Dave...

No problem.

- Mr Mellor?
- That's right.

- Sign here, please.
- Excellent.

Thanks very much.

See you.

Yeah.

You're kidding me.

No, no, no, thanks for checking.

Yeah.

Melissa tells me
you and Ben are getting serious.

Are there wedding bells in the air?

For goodness sake! Hi, Joyce.

There's no wedding in the air
or anywhere else for that matter.

- So she's making it up, then?
- Do you want to know the truth?

Melissa keeps... She keeps hounding me
about my love life, so...

I let her believe that Ben and I were together

so she wouldn't start trying to fix me up
and that was what it was about.

I thought I'd bring it in myself.

So there's no confusion.

Thank you very much.

Six positive results.

- Could have been worse.
- Six is outrageous.

- What were you expecting?
- Still single figures.

We should get them involved
in drug awareness sessions.

I am speechless.
Even our head boy is on that list.

Blimey. How reliable are these tests of yours?

Infallible.

Well, good, fine, because we've caught him out.
So we will give him a very severe warning.

Look, I can swing it
to keep these findings under wraps.

But as chair of the Board, I really feel
we should send a message to the community

that we are serious about drugs in schools.

Do I detect a hint of a threat?

Lf we exclude the head boy, it's only one pupil,
but it's an important statement.

I am not excluding Marley Kelly
because of a positive cannabis test.

Especially when he volunteered
under pressure from you.

What do you have to do
to get excluded from this school?

We should definitely remove
his "head boy" status.

It's hardly an appropriate punishment.
It's a criminal offence.

Look... no-one can accuse you
of not giving him every support.

It's a bit of a kick in the teeth,
he goes and does this.

Maybe we should make an example of him.

That boy's an asset to this school.

I am not for covering anything up.

One word. No.

- Are you on a health kick or something?
- Rob gives these to Bolton for his training diet.

I thought I'd give them a go.

Bolton's really got something, hasn't he?

He won't have for much longer,
if he keeps getting his face smashed in.

Boxing's not about punching people's heads in.
It's channelling aggression onto a higher plane.

Right.

Rob really cares about the boys in this school.

Most schools would bite our hand off
to have him on their staff.

Wow. You've signed up
to his fan club pretty quick.

He suggested I go
for the deputy head of English department job.

And I'm going to.

- You are?
- You're not going for it, are you?

Well, he should be.
You need to have experience to do that job.

Davina, ease up.

I'm sorry, I'm just a bit tense.

I've got this big teacher-training gig next lesson
and I'm...

Well, why not pack up?
You can't prepare any more.

You'll be fine.

Excuse me.

Rose, can I have a word?

Can it actually be true
what Maxine has just told me,

that you've agreed to let these two halfwits
live together under your roof?

There's nothing I can do about it.
She's there every night as it is.

I'm sorry?

They tell me they're in love.
Who am I to tell them they're not?

We should get to know each other.

I mean, we're all gonna be family soon.

Don't let them see the real you.

It's an act.

Right, well...

I'm about to find out whether I can do that.

Everybody knows that you can.

Does that help?

Yeah. A bit.

But I've got to face Earl Kelly
in the next five minutes, remember?

If you have any trouble,
just send him out of the class.

And what if he refuses to go?

Get one of the swots to go and get Rachel.

That is very good advice.

Go on.

I love you.

Right... gleaming. That's me done, then.

Yeah, except for this lot.

You're joking?

- Is there a problem?
- No. The sooner it's done, eh?

- If you're after chips, we're all out.
- I were looking for you actually.

- How's it going?
- I might be getting the hang of this catering lark.

But you'd have to ask the boss.

It's well weird having you here, Mum.
In that silly hat.

Well, you'd better get used to it.

Cos your mum's gonna be around for a while.

If she wants to.

Your mum's done good today.
You should be proud of her.

Right.

Well, then, I'd better get stuck into this lot.
Catch you later, I'm working.

Can you go, please?

I don't need to tell you
how disappointed I am in you, Marley.

And take that look off your face.
You know what you've done.

Are you gonna tell me?

You tested positive. You've been found out.

- That's rubbish! What?
- And I don't want you lying to me.

OK. So you've made up your mind, then?

Tests don't lie. You do.

- Hang on. What about my test?
- Don't worry.

- Miss Mason...
- Flick, shut it.

- Don't tell me what to do.
- I'm sorry.

Miss Mason's right.

I'm a Kelly. Guilty as charged.

So what are you gonna do about it?

Well, other people want me
to remove you from this school.

Doesn't that bother you?

Why should it?

Well, one thing I will be doing
is removing your "head boy" title.

That is so unfair!

- You will enrol in the drug awareness program.
- No, I won't.

Yes, you will! What you've done can seriously
damage the reputation of this school!

Do you know something?

I don't care what you do. If you don't
want me here, I don't want to be here.

Marley, don't be stupid.

Oh, that is naughty!

- What is it?
- Check it out.

Max, get this.

I'm not unhappy to see a Kelly go.
I'd be glad to be shot of the lot of them.

Which is why you should not be chair
of the Board of Governors.

There are some people you just can't help.

- I know what you are!
- Don't make it any worse.

He's bent!

Marley, what's wrong?

- Where are you going?
- Anywhere but here.

Marley, what are you doing?

I'm off. I'm not sticking around here.

It's just the same everywhere we go. I don't know
why I thought this place'd be different.

- What are you talking about?
- I am being done for drugs,

- in case you haven't noticed.
- Only because you're protecting me.

No, because your dad swapped
the test results.

He's a policeman, for God's sake, and he's
so desperate to get rid of me, he'd do that?

- How do you think that makes me feel, Flick?
- I'm sorry.

It should be him saying that, not you.

Rose, I need to talk to you.

Miss Mason, Candice reckons I did excellent.
Don't you, Candice?

Hey, well done, you.
Can't have been easy for you.

It's hard enough getting out of bed,
not to mind slugging my guts out.

Rose, I've got a bit of bad news for you.

Marley has tested positive for drugs.

My Marley?

- Yeah.
- No bleeding way. Let's see about this.

Hang on.
Do not spoil what you've achieved today.

Spoil?

I've worked all day, haven't I, like I said I would.

- What happened to you meeting us halfway?
- We're trying, Rose, and so should you.

I know he'd never do drugs.
Earl, yeah, but not Marley.

- Where is he?
- I'm afraid he's walked.

After I took away his "head boy" status.

Well, you can shove your job
and your school up your arse.

Rose, come on, do not overreact.
Think about your kids!

Mum.

They're saying our Marley's doing drugs,
but he'd never.

- They've got it in for us, love.
- Can we go home, Mum?

That would not help your situation, Rose.

I-I've got work to get on with.
You get back to your class.

Right, where did we leave off last week?

Miss, are you gonna get tested for drugs
some time?

Mais non, ma petite.

Now asseyez-vous.

Well, how come
none of the teachers are getting tested?

Shut up, Michaela.
The testing is for your benefit. Now sit down.

So, miss, have you ever done
a bit of a spliff and that?

Bet you have.

Do you want to copy out
the front page of Le Monde, Michaela?

Because, trust me, you're heading that way.

Miss, can I ask a question?

Yes, you can, Bolton, if it's in French.

Has Monsoir Lawson ever done droogs?

I don't know what's got into you lot
but I'm telling you something,

I can't be bothered with it.

Maybe it's the same thing
that got into Mr Lawson?

Right, the next one of you to open
his or her mouth, is in big, big trouble.

Page 24.

OK, let's make a start.

I know most of you are studying
the First World w*r in History just now.

So I thought we'd take a look at the work
of one of the most famous w*r poets,

Siegfried Sassoon,
and his poem Suicide In The Trenches.

This guy shot himself in the head.

...First World w*r military service,
if you could have a read.

Unless there's any volunteers.

Great. Thanks, Earl.

"I knew a simple soldier boy

who grinned at life in empty joy.

Slept soundly through the lonesome dark
and whistled early with the lark..."

They're saying our Marley
is doing drugs and my mum is crying.

- You can't just barge in here!
- Marley's walked, Earl.

- Our Marley has never done drugs.
- Earl, sit down.

- No! We want summat done.
- If Marley's walking, then so should Lawson.

I said sit down.

No! We want something done now.

- Earl, sit down.
- Make me.

Karla.

Could you please go and get Miss Mason?

She was so upset, ready to throw the towel in.

But she didn't. And good on her.
Well done for talking her down.

She seems to think
there's some sort of anti-Kelly vendetta.

- Dad, I need to talk to you.
- Felicity, I'm busy. Can't it...

No, actually it can't.

Miss. Miss Shackleton is really, really scared
and she's doing this.

Hey. Do you mind telling me
what that was all about?

You swapped them, didn't you?
Marley's test and mine.

That is rubbish.

Because I should have tested positive
and didn't.

How could you?

You're disgusting.
I'm gonna tell Mason I want to take another test.

That will prove Marley is innocent.

- Marley Kelly is nothing.
- He's 50 times more decent than you'll ever be.

He took the blame cos he loves me.

Loves you so much
he's got you hooked on drugs.

- You have really let me down, Felicity.
- There's a surprise.

I can't believe that you would take drugs -
my own daughter.

That's the last you see of Kelly,
because you are grounded.

Under house arrest?

Is that for my own good
or so I can't embarrass you?

This is nothing to do with me.
You're the one who took drugs.

I know I'm a disappointment.

I'm not proud of what I've done.

Maybe I took those drugs cos I'm sick of you
telling me how to live my life.

Felicity, you can't... What if I lose my job?

You'd better find a way out of this
or you're going to lose your job. And I mean it.

- There's nothing I can do.
- You can tell Mason you made a mistake.

And, for the record,
I don't want you running my life any more.

Quiet!

Right, come on, quiet now!

Yay! The cavalry arrives.

Our Marley is not a druggie.

And anybody who says any different is lying.

- What are you doing in here?
- Oh, shove off.

They're a bunch of hypocrites.
What do we want?

Legalise drugs. When do we want it? Now.

Remember now, Eddie?

Right, you, get in the cooler now.

And you, move it, come on. Move!

Come on.

We were only having a laugh.

I mean, it's not like you're a junkie or anything.

How did you get hold of this?

Philip sent me a link.

That's all.

Earl and all?

I'm sorry, Rose. And Sambuca.

Look, we need you to come and collect them
and take them home, cool them off a bit.

Rose?

Rose.

Do you know how much trouble you're in, Earl?

How much trouble your whole family is in?

La-la-la-la-la-la.

Isn't there a fragment of common sense
in that brain of yours?

- What about Rose?
- She's just walked off the job.

This is a disaster, Mel.

Why did you get Ralph Mellor involved in this?

Lt's a mess.

Come on, Sambuca.

- Let's go.
- You two, just sit!

Stay where you are!

I feel like a total prat.

If it's sympathy you're after, don't look at me.
You made us look like hypocrites.

I meant what I said. I am anti-drugs.

I just was a little misled back then.

Have you never done anything you regret?

Oh, I didn't mean...

I think, under the circumstances,
you should help on the drugs course.

For the voice of experience.

What?

Miss Mason,
my dad's got something to say to you.

There may have been
some mistake with the tests.

A mistake? I thought they were foolproof.

The tests are, but...

it seems that the young lad Marley Kelly
managed to swap his test with Felicity's.

So Flick's test was positive, not Marley's.

He took the blame
cos he knew I was scared of my dad finding out.

This one's been an idiot, Miss Mason.
She's the guilty one.

My dad's a really good man
cos he's against drugs.

Well, I should hope so, too. What kind
of example do you think you're setting?

You know how stupid it is to take drugs,
let alone dangerous.

Yes, miss.

OK, well, as of today you're no longer head girl,

and you'll be enrolling
on that awareness course.

If we were doing what you wanted,
she'd be excluded.

Yeah, it's only fair.

Isn't it, Dad? Or is it just that you've got it in
for the Kellys and you wanted rid of them?

- I hope you're going to apologise to Marley.
- For something the lad did himself?

For God's sake, stop lying.

Why don't you admit what you've done?

My dad deliberately swapped
Marley's test result and mine.

I let the father in me rule my head.
I will apologise to the lad, of course.

And?

And, naturally, I will resign
as a governor of Waterloo Road.

That's the least you can do, Ralph.

- We should report him.
- Eddie.

I'll handle this.

Ralph, I trust you'll formalise that in writing.

Then we can put this whole matter to bed.

Hello, Philip.

I didn't know Michaela was gonna show
the whole school, Eddie, honest.

What's your excuse?

Just enjoy violating people's privacy?

I thought we were friends.

Eddie, I'm sorry.

Hi. Just the girl I'm looking for.

Not another telling off about Earl, Steph, please.

Listen to me, Maxine, he's bad news.

He is bad, bad news.

I'm sorry, Steph, but we've made up our minds.

You've been great to me and everything, but...

I'm grown up now.
I can make my own decisions.

You've been lying to me, Maxine,
and I don't deserve that.

Just give me one night to talk to you.

You can come over any time, can't she, Earl?

Yeah. During the day.
Cos I won't be coming back here.

That's the kind of guy
you want to shack up with, is it?

You've got Security Dave now anyway, Steph.
It looks like he's mad on you.

I don't give a damn about Security Dave.

What I do care about
is you throwing your life away on that scum.

I'm not listening to any more insults.
I'll see you tomorrow.

So, where are we going tonight, then?

I'm sorry, Dave, I'm not really up for a date.

I'm sure I can cheer you up.

I know Maxine has been giving you
a few problems,

but a nice bottle of wine,
that'll make you feel better, eh?

Lt'll take more than that, believe me.

Maxine is the most important thing in my life.

She's a young adult. You know what they're like.
You can't control her.

Dave, listen, I don't really like
people interfering in my family life.

Especially those I hardly know.

Oh, sounds like the old heave-h* to me.

Well, there never really was an us to heave-h*,
was there, Dave?

Fine. If that's what you want.

What's Miss Koreshi doing with my boyfriend?
He's way out of her league.

Cheap tart.
We're gonna have to take her out, Dan.

Where have you been?
I thought you'd walked.

No, Flick.

Look, I really like you, but...

I... I can't do this.

You and me, we're... we're too different.

Is this about the drugs?
Cos I'll stop. No more. Promise.

I've heard promises like that before.

Hey, listen, I'm not your mum, OK.

I promise.

I mean it.

I'm sorry.

My letter.

I wanted to, as you said, put the matter to bed.

Soon as.

Why didn't you take it further?

I know your personal feelings about me.

Don't tell me it was
out of the goodness of your heart.

How well do you know your daughter, Ralph?

Do you know what interests her
or how she feels about things?

Or do you just project your opinions on her
and expect her to share them?

Are you implying there's a problem
with how I'm bringing up my daughter?

- Suddenly you're the expert in parenting?
- No.

But I know a very unhappy child when I see one.
You need to get to know her.

And she needs a good dad
and a stable home life.

Losing your job now
wouldn't be the best thing for her.

I was only trying to protect her
from a bad influence.

Flick could do a hell of a lot worse
than Marley Kelly.

If you're looking to fling some mud,
fling it at yourself.

Could you put me through
to Children's Services, please? Ranjit Khalom.

Thank you.

Before you slam the door in my face,
I'm here to apologise to you.

- Come in.
- Ah, it's one up for the Kellys.

Earl, come on.

It was a decent thing that you did, Marley.
I know you were standing up for Flick.

But you did lie about the tests

and because of that we are in a mess.

I know it was a stupid thing. I just...

I just didn't want
anything bad to happen to Flick.

No, I know. I do understand that.

And what would be really bad is
if we lost you all from Waterloo Road.

Well, that's not going to happen
now we've been apologised to.

OK. Well, tomorrow a new start?

Say thanks to Miss Mason, boys,
for coming all this way.

Tomorrow, then.

- I'm gonna get us all a chippy or something.
- Yeah.

Are you following me?

They don't call me Security Dave for nowt.

I don't like being spied on.

They say I'm a bit of a mind reader.

You know what you need, Miss Haydock?

A great big Geordie hug.

Do you know something, Dave?

You might be right.

Come here.

I didn't think you'd be here.

You'll be pleased to know
I've handed in my resignation.

And I got another ticking off.

Hands up, I deserved it.

Yeah, you did.

Kids, turn that down a bit, will you?

- Mum, come on!
- Marley, is that you?

Mum, open the door!

- Rose, it's Sandra.
- Sorry, I don't know any Sandras.

- It's your social worker.
- Just piss off.

- We're gonna have to come in, Rose.
- Mum, open the flaming door.

This is breaking and entering.

We've been trying to get in touch.
You haven't answered letters or phone calls.

You're not in a fit state to look after them.
We'll remove your children to a place of safety.

- What are you on about? They're safe?
- What's going on?

- Putting us into care.
- No!

Hey, no, that's my kid! No, please!

Please, Marley, stop them!

Leave her alone!

- It's gonna be all right.

Please!

Sam!

- Sam! Marley, do something, please!
- Marley.

No!

Marley, don't you leave.
Marley, don't! Please don't leave. Marley!

Oh, Marley, don't leave me!