01x42 - Episode 42

[bunniefuu]

I should have
been the one to ask you.

I needed my fix.

You miss me?

You didn't let me finish.

This place has
the best prime rib.

I wouldn't know. I'm still

feeling my way
around being a member here.

Oh, well, you better get
used to it.

You're doing big things.

I'm trying.

You're already on your way

to becoming a partner
at Bill's law firm.

That's super impressive.

When it's right, it'll happen.

Hey, how's ChelseaKat going?

Well, Aunt Dani
turned us down for CMO,

but we're on pace for launch.

I was actually just doing
some me shopping.

I don't think I've ever seen
you wear the same fit twice.

Oh, I'm not shopping
for clothes.

-Shoes?
-No.

A spy cam.

Did your last one break,
Jane Bond?

No, my mom actually
confiscated it.

You're serious?

Deadly.

Nicole!

How is
my personal assistant doing?

You are looking at FOMO
in human form.

Is it possible for one person

to read all of the books
and watch all of the television?

Who would've known that reading
would be a survival skill?

I don't know, I just feel
like I'm failing you.

First the car accident,
and now the stupid infection.

Now, you know
that is not true, Laura.

This is the fault of that


But maybe these
will brighten your day.

You're spoiling me.

Between you, Ted, and Mona,

you know, every day there's
a new book or box of candy

or flower arrangement.

You know,
Shanice just carted away

that last beautiful bouquet
you sent.

Wait, I didn't send any flowers.

The card's still right there
on top.

This wasn't me.

Shanice said
Eva dropped them off.

You are such a liar.

A diabolical, pathological liar.

I saw you pretend
to leave, Mama.

Then I saw you
with Nicole at the club.

How in the name
of all that's holy

dare you talk to me like that?

You owe your mother
some respect.

I do respect you, Mama.

Haven't I proven that by now?

I've done nothing
but follow you blindly,

but you keep going rogue.

You said
you didn't speak to Nicole,

but I saw you with my own eyes.

You didn't see me.

You saw Sherry.

And you lying to me

with your "I'm gonna fool
Nicole" disguise makes it okay?

Are you questioning me?

I'm not being disrespectful.

I'm just confused.

You act like putting on a wig
makes you unrecognizable.

It doesn't.

I recognize you.

And Ted would have, too.

-He wasn't there.
-He was right in the next room.

I covered for you.

I did everything I could
to distract him.

That's the only reason
why he didn't catch you

talking to Nicole.

Make it make sense
that you would risk that.

Sherry needed to say
her goodbyes

before leaving town.

Just a bit of theater.

We are on the verge of
everything we worked for.

I don't get why you're
starting to lie to me now.

I'm just returning the favor.

What?

You want real?

Let's go there, little girl.

You're the one
who's been lying to me.

♪ ♪

Evening.

Don't tell me you scare easy.

Thought you had big plans
with Mrs. McBride.

Oh, I had to take my eye
off that prize.

I got a call.

All's quiet on the floor.

Someone...

...has been placing bets
for Doug.

Through an outside bookie.

It's the craziest thing.

Doug won a scratch-off.



He wanted me
to place a bet for him.

He had a line on some horse.

[stammers] He was positive

it was a sure thing.

Funny thing about guys
like Doug.

They always forget
what they are.

Losers.

[panting]

Oh, that wasn't
just phenomenal sex.

That...

was a time machine.

Suddenly I am 17 years old again

and the most gorgeous girl
in the world has invited me

to her bedroom in her parents'
house behind the gates.

I don't remember
you almost spanking me

-with a cast back then.
-Mm...

Sorry about that.

I'm not.

I want to know what you did
with the real Dr. McBride.

Usually you're too tired
to lift a plate,

let alone carry me to bed.

Ugh. And the spontaneity.

Sweeping me away into a hotel
room for a not-so-quickie.

Nice and bright.

Doug.

I'm the same guy you married.

But you...

I saw a different you at Uptown.

You had this look in your eye
I've never seen before.

So...

audacious.

It really got me going.

Perhaps you saw me
looking at you.

You hadn't seen me yet.

What were you
really thinking about?

Hey, baby. Mm.

You are glowing.

Look at you.

What can I make
for my beautiful wife, huh?

I can look up
some mocktail recipe.

No need to make a fuss.

I'll have what you're having.

No, wait-- [stammers] Hayley.

-Hmm?
-You can have
all the olives you want,

but the vodka, come on, baby.

You know you got to wait
nine months for that.

Actually, I don't.

Mmm.

I'm not pregnant.

Huh.

I mean, those pregnancy tests
aren't 100% accurate, right?

I took three.

Oh.

Yeah.

Hey, talk to me.

The idea
of me being pregnant was

a surprise to the both of us.

Now that I'm not, are you

happy or relieved?

Honestly...

neither.

I am embarrassed. These are
the first flowers I bought

for you since the first ones
I sent right after the accident.

Look, I know better than anybody

how swamped your schedule is.

Lilies are my favorite.

I should've known
the others weren't from you.

And Shanice said Eva brought
the other flowers?

Mm-hmm, right after
the whole heart thing.

[groans]

That must've been
so scary to have

your heart stop like that.

Yeah, well, I'm just happy
I'm on the other side.

Eva must've taken it
upon herself

to bring flowers on my behalf.

Well, a great assistant
anticipates.

Hey, no one compares to you.

Eva is doing her best
to temporarily

fill your giant shoes,

but you know Ted and I
think of you as family.

I made a liar
out of my own daughter,

making you lie to them.

And now you're lying to me.

Maybe your loyalty
is getting twisted, too.

I don't know
what you think you know.

The text from the cake vendor.

I told you--

There are things

that you have told Mama,

but there's what Mama knows.

And Mama knows that
the cake vendor doesn't exist.

And that that text
from Nicole...

...is the one that's
been there all along.

You're just assuming.

Don't make it worse.

I'm your mother.

I know your moods
and your tells.

My mood couldn't tell you
who texted me.

You left your phone
sitting here.

You checked my phone?

Mm-hmm.

I confirmed my suspicions.

Well, I just didn't want
to upset you.

You get super riled up
every time I mention her.

Why would I get riled up?

I asked you to get close
to Nicole.

Which means being there
when she snaps

her perfectly manicured fingers.

So why would I stand

in the way of your job...

that I made sure you got?

Setting up a camera
in my mom's office

is the perfect way
to find Eva out.

Isn't a nanny cam a bit much?

I caught her twice
in my mom's confidential files.

And the last time
I got on camera

and she erased it.

Are you sure?

She practically admitted it.

But my parents are so trusting.

It's like she's
their own personal star pupil.

Do you think Eva's hoping
to uncover

Fairmont Crest's secrets?

No. I think it's
about Mom and Dad somehow.

Why?

Eva wants to throw the party

of the century for my parents.

Two people she barely knows.

What temp is that invested?

-[sighs]
-Kat?

You know your name
can open doors.

It can also
tank someone's career.

-You have to be sure.
-I know.

But she's just
so intense about it.

It's like her whole life

is about this party.

What if I'm already too late?

You're really that worried?

It's like I'm in the first half
of a horror film.

I'm yelling at the screen,
but no one else can see

that Eva's about to throw
a big bucket of blood

on my family.

I just wish I knew more
about who she really is.

What if I can help?

I just figured it'd be
a win-win for you.

Either Doug
would clear out his debt

or be all the more ready
for you to swoop in.

Mm, no.

I want to own Doug's debt,

not give some random bookie
a stake in him.

I can make a call.

I already did.

Lazarus knows
Doug belongs to me.

Don't make me say it again,
Randy.

Lose the nostalgia.

You can't be giving your loyalty
to your old friend.

It won't happen again.

Well, lucky for you,

Doug's in deeper
than he ever was before.

And I'm about
to start playing house

with the lovely Vanessa.

"Playing house"?

Using her real estate firm
to clean my money?

Why would old money Vanessa
want to bring

her legitimate business
into our world?

What can I say,
I'm working my charm.

No, she may live a beautiful
life behind the gates,

but...

that woman is drawn
to the dark side.

Even more than she knows.

You know how making a sale
gets me all hot.

I do know you, V.

You know, a lot
of people with money

pretend it's taboo.

But you never had any shame.

Which was a little intimidating

for a guy who didn't have any.

I knew you were gonna
make it rain.

Even then, you knew exactly
what you wanted from life.

What to do with
those magic hands of yours.

When you laid them on me,
I was gone.

And I hadn't even figured out
who I was going to be yet.

I knew I wanted you.

And you got me.

You were gorgeous
and strong and smart.

A place to build my family.

My forever home.

We did good, didn't we?

The kids,

my practice.

You...

found your niche,
and you're k*lling it.

But us?

Where did those kids go

that were crazy
about each other?

I was the luckiest guy
in the world back then.

And now?

Doug?

I guess that luck
just doesn't last.

Maybe no one burns
that hot forever.

Maybe we just somehow stopped
reaching for each other and...

didn't notice
until our house was empty.

There's, there's no...

such thing as a time machine,
is there?

Unfortunately not.

VANESSA:
Hmm.

Oh, my God, you are
my favorite person right now.

Okay, so what's the plan
to spy on Eva?

Ooh, are you gonna introduce me
to the firm's investigator?

Not the best move for me
to use the firm's resources.

Right.

I shouldn't be dragging you
into this.

But you volunteered to help,
so...

With insight.

Not spy craft.

Did you get some of that insight

while Eva was throwing herself
at you to get back at me?

Hold up, what did she tell you?

I did run into her
at the bar when you were

at karaoke with your family.

You're not jealous, are you?

Just curious.

I mentioned the harassment case
and how messed up it was

to see a father and daughter
almost face off in court.

And Eva had this big reaction.

She said she couldn't imagine
opposing her dad like that.

What else did she say?

She told me friend to friend.

So you're friends with the girl

who's trying
to take down my family?

I need to know what you know
so I can protect them.

She told me her backstory.

Her mom died
when she was very little,

and a friend of her mom's
took her in.

I met the surrogate mom-inator.

She was even more unhinged
than Eva.

Super intense and weird.

Warned me to stay away from Eva.

I think her name was Ana?

Weird, I'm sure Eva said
her name was Leslie.

Maybe we should just drop this
before we say

things we can't take back.

Child, please,
I thought you had gotten

that trash out of your mind.

-I didn't say nothing.
-Ah!

It's all over your face.

And now you're doing it again.

Insulting me by suggesting

that I ran that poor girl
off the road,

snuck into the hospital,

and gave her a heart attack.

Mama...

All I care about is
what you think

about me.

So please, please.

Tell me that you believe...

...I'm not capable
of hurting that poor girl.

What did Dr. Flannery say
about this potassium spike?

Uh, he didn't know
what caused it.

But I could tell
he was bothered by it, though.

Yeah, so am I.

I haven't been able to stop
thinking about your chart

since you gave me permission
to look at it.

And if potassium really
spiked in your bloodstream,

why did it disappear
from your blood work

immediately after the event?

And I checked your numbers from
when you first were admitted.

But they weren't high then,
either.

So how did potassium get in
your system in the first place?

Are you saying
someone put it there?

I don't want you
to say something you don't mean

because you think this baby
is something I wanted.

It's okay to be relieved, honey.

I won't be hurt or offended.

And now that
the baby's off the table,

don't be nice.

Be honest.

[sighs]
Well...

I mean, when you first told me,
I was shocked.

[chuckles]
The idea of diapers
and minivans.

-[chuckles] Scary as hell.
-Yeah.

Yeah.

And then
I-I just started thinking

what it means to raise
a tiny human at my age.

And I began to wonder if,

you know, it's too late
to start that journey.

Oh, you're far from old,
Bill Hamilton,

but I hear you.

-Mm-hmm.
-And now you don't even have

to think about it anymore.

See, that's the thing, babe.

I couldn't stop
thinking about it.

You know, the first smile,

the first time
your baby calls you Dada.

You know, wearing your infant in
a carrier close to your heart.

All the memories
you have with your girls

and... Dani.

Yeah, but I'm not trying
to recapture

that part of my life, Hayley.

[sighs]
You know, if we don't have
children, I'm...

I'm fine with that.

-You know?
-Yeah.

A lifetime with you

all to myself
wouldn't be a hardship.

-For me, either.
-Mm-hmm.

I love being touched and held

and kissed by you.

-Yeah?
-Love making love with you.

We'll always have that.

With or without children.

-You were looking forward to it.
-Well, yeah.

Thanks to you.

And what you said about a kid
being half you and half me,

I actually wanted
to meet that kid.

You know,
I want to see you as a mother,

chasing our little devil
around the house,

you know, teaching him or her
how to be a Hamilton.

And now that there's no baby?

I'm actually kind of sad,
you know?

Well, it was great.

Remember when we used
to have makeup sex

and then afterwards
we had no idea

what we were fighting about?

I do.

I wish it was still like that.

Because we didn't
just have a fight.

We've had a life.

Yeah.

But it's still good to know
that we can still be...

BOTH:
Great.

[phone chirps]

Oops, uh...

I missed a call.

Ah, I got to follow up
with the patient.

Totally slipped my mind.

Understandably.

Mwah.

[line ringing]

Yes. I'm interested in booking
someone for several hours.

The last guy you sent
would be perfect.

Mm-hmm.

Just stop.

I don't believe
you can hurt anyone.

I lied because you're taking
all these risks.

It's like you want to blow it
before our endgame.

How can you not trust
that there's a method

to everything I do?

You know how
at the end of a good mystery,

there are all these clues,
right?

And there are these Easter eggs
that you look back on

and you see that you've missed.

I want Ted and Nicole

to look back

and remember me playing

and toying with them.

And I want them to feel
like damn fools.

Because that's
how they made me feel.

All those years
of Ted and Nicole and Kat.

Looking down on people like us.

All those years of Ted...

not thinking of us

while living in his luxury

with his other family.

Mama.

Honey, honey, listen.

I'm making

this revenge so much sweeter.

Please let me have it.

Please.

-Okay.
-Okay.

I'm not here to hold you back.

We're in this together,
no matter what.

So the person who took Eva in--

her name is Leslie, not Anna?

And apparently
she was married to some guy.

Uh... sorry,
I can't remember the name.

But he wasn't
into having an instant daughter

who wasn't his blood.

Then Eva got even more honest.

Talking about
how she envies you.

And what you have with Ted.

And how it made her wish she had
that kind of relationship

with her biological father.

Who's her biological father?

I didn't push on that.

And now I feel bad for sharing
what Eva told me in confidence.

She was pretty torn up.

Uh-uh,
she does not get your pity.

You might have just saved
my family-saving mission.

I'm on it.

Kat, you can't.

I will thank you later properly.

Where are you even gonna start?

This Leslie person.

She's even more off
than the little orphan Eva.

If they're both that shady,
I should go with you.

Oh, sweet offer.

You're racking up
major points right now,

but I've got this.

Order the prime rib.

It's to die for.

Mistakes can happen
in any hospital.

But with all the checks
and double checks in place,

someone would have caught it

if you were accidentally
given potassium.

Yeah, that's
what Dr. Flannery said.

He asked about supplements,
too, but I'm not taking any.

Maybe I am just
a marvel of uniqueness,

and I'll end up in one
of your fancy medical journals.

Uh, nope, not having that.

Your health has given you
enough surprises.

This better be the last setback.

I am all for that, okay?

I'll be back to work
in a few weeks,

and everything
can go back to normal.

I really missed you and Ted.

Oh, and we missed you, too.

Ooh, it's all coming together.

Just two more sleeps
until the big day.

[snorts]
Sleeps?

-Mm-hmm.
-Who says that?

[chuckles]

You used to say that
when your little toy elf

would move around the house
all by itself

right before Christmas
every night. Mm-hmm.

I remember the elf,
but not the sleeps.

Oh, I remember
for the both of us.

Ooh. You know
what else I remember?

We need milk.

-I can go.
-Mm. Mm-mm. Nonsense.

I got this. Be right back.

[knock at door]

[groans]

Mama. What did you forget?
[chuckles]

How do you know where I live?

You're not the only one
who can look through files.

Ah. Are you the neat freak,
or is it your surrogate mom?

What do you know about her?

Her name is Leslie, right?

But she's not here?

Uh, no. She went to the store.

Why?

[sighs]
It must be odd,

me showing up uninvited
into your space.

How can I help you?

I came to say I'm sorry.

I saw the instant connection
between you and my parents,

and I got threatened.
I know, sounds ridiculous,

but I guess I may have
taken it out on you,

and for that I apologize.

It's not what you think.

[scoffs] And what exactly
do I think, Doug?

That you can't stay away?

It's a test to see
if I can be here.

Take it all in
and still walk away.

[chuckles]
Okay.

-And what's the verdict?
-Joey around?

You just missed him.

Mr. Armstrong.

Twice in one day. What gives?

I thought we were friends.

Friends who told the truth
to each other.

Now, why would you ever feel

the need to pay a man
to spend time with you?

An escort service?

When there are
more than enough men

willing to volunteer for free?

You're looking at one of them.

You do have quite
the twisted sense of humor.

I already told you
my dirty little secret.

That you're prematurely feeling

your mortality while
you're still obviously

a very virile man.

-Well, thank you.
-[scoffs]

-But I told you more than that.
-Your cheating ex-wife?

What you're intimating about me

would hardly belong
in the same category.

I could slap you
for your insolence.

You could, but...

I might like it.

The truth is, the, uh,

the escort service
that you have on speed dial--

I own it.

-[nervous chuckle] You what?
-I own it.

Yes, afraid so.

I found your card info
in my books.

-So you came here
to embarrass me.
-No.

I came here to fill in.

And, uh, do you usually play
a hands-on role as owner

in cases like this?

First time for everything.

What must you think of me?

I think you're about the most
intriguing woman I've ever met.

And I don't think that woman
loves her husband anymore.

Maybe you don't need
to test yourself.

It's like the gods keep
giving me signs

and I spit on 'em.

A lottery ticket appears
on the floor under my foot,

I win $50K, and I lose it all
on one stupid bet.

It's like the money was
burning a hole in my pocket.

I'm supposed to be a smart man.

I have everything to lose.

What is wrong with me?

Smart is not
the only part of a man.

There are other parts.
Dark parts.

But you know what they say.

You can't fix
what you can't face.

You hated me at first sight
for my fashion sense.

If I'd thrown on a pair
of kitten heels,

would we be besties?

Well, your fashion sense
was kind of fugly.

Did your parents
put you up to this?

[sighs] No, but my parents
would love if we called a truce.

It just finally dawned on me.
My family loves you.

So why fight it?

Like you said,
I have everything.

A new business,
a loving family, Tomas.

Meanwhile, you...

Have nothing?

That didn't come out right.

I need to learn to accept you.

You really think there's a world

where we're suddenly
like sisters?

[chuckles]

I don't see that happening
anytime soon.

Um...

but we could always hit
the reset button

with me not being
a total b*tch to you

and you not pushing my buttons.

So you're owning
the b*tch thing.

That's something.

I'm game if you're game.

[phone chimes]

My phone's in my bedroom.
I'll be right back.

Can I help you?

Aw, baby.

I didn't know you were
this invested

in our potential pregnancy.

I thought you were
just being a stand-up guy.

Okay, okay. I'm supposed to be
comforting you, right?

-Mm.
-I'm fine.

Okay. Look, I loved
our original plan.

You know, to travel
and selfishly love

and enjoy each other for as long
as we both shall live.

But when you raised the idea,
I just started spinning.

-Plans?
-Yeah.

Yeah, you know,
like the college fund.

But I guess we don't
really need it now.

Bill, you are the sweetest.

But I don't think
we should get rid of it.

Why not?

Well, just because we're
not pregnant now

doesn't mean we won't be
in the future.

That is, if you want to be

and if we're willing
to put in the work.

-Mm.
-Mm-hmm.

Are you saying
what I think you're saying?

Mm-hmm.

You are, aren't you?
[chuckles]

Come here.

-Ah!
-[chuckles]

[both moaning]

Gonna put in some work?
Gonna put in a lot of work.

Overtime.

I know I put you in a tough spot
with your boss,

but I appreciate how you're
always looking out for me.

You know, back in the day...

you inspired me.

You made that narrow escape
from the neighborhood

and actually made
something of yourself.

You can escape this, too.

I'm gonna go check the tables.

Hey, sorry to call so late.

I need to see you.

Tomorrow?

All right. Thanks.

Your secrets are like answers

to softball job
interview questions.

What's your greatest weakness?
"I love too much."

But mine?

I've stepped outside my marriage
more times than I can count.

Well, I applaud you for taking
your sexual satisfaction

into your own hands.

But is it really a stretch

that your extramarital
activities might say something

about your marriage?

Maybe it means
I'm highly sexualized.

Okay.

-I love my husband very much.
-Oh.

But you didn't say
you're in love with him.

Who says "in love" anymore?

Doug and I actually reconnected
tonight right after you left.

-Interesting timing.
-Purely coincidence.

Right.

But if there's still heat,
then why seek out other flames?

Maybe I like things
the way they are.

Maybe I'm worried
that if I do try,

really try,
and it doesn't work...

I don't want
any more disappointments.

Doug has had years to prove
that he's man enough for you.

And if connecting tonight
doesn't inspire him...

Vanessa, if it were up to me,
you'd never be disappointed.

To Ted and Nicole.

You give us faith in love
and goodness.

And you have so much,

it just pours
over all the rest of us,

lifting us up and inspiring us.

That's what I would have said
at the party.

Well, aren't you the sweetest?

You are just gonna have
to recreate that toast

at dinner with Ted and me

when you are back
on your feet again.

You know, I'm really glad
you have Eva there

to make sure your work world
doesn't just fall apart.

Hey, she's great,
but she's not you.

And I promise I'm gonna get
to the bottom

of whoever hurt you
sooner than later.

Nobody hurts our family.

Who are you?

EVA:
Um...

Um, this is Kat,
my boss's daughter.

Kat, this is my...

Leslie.

Hi.

LESLIE:
Kat Richardson?

My name is Anna.

I see.

And you're over here because...?

We have a mutual acquaintance.

-Who?
-Your mother's assistant.

-You know Laura Peterson?
-No, dear.

I'm talking about Eva Thomas.

EVA:
Kat?

Sorry, I...
I just remembered something.

I got to go.

What the hell was that?