01x44 - Episode 44

[bunniefuu]

You can have all the olives
you want, but the vodka?

Come on, baby.

You know you got to wait
nine months for that.

I'm not pregnant. [sighs]

I met the surrogate mom-inator.

She was even more unhinged
than Eva.

I think her name was Ana?

Weird. I'm sure Eva said
her name was Leslie.

LESLIE:
I want Ted

and Nicole to look back

and remember me
toying with them.

And I want them to feel
like damn fools.

That kind of power
could be useful to you

when the time is right.

I don't take bribes.

Don't play stupid, Martin.

You know what I mean.

JAN:
Derek's moving in with Ashley.

She just texted to let me know.

[sighs] Two people
in that tiny apartment?

It is going to be crowded.

Especially if they
have to find space

for their big old
fireman's pole.

[laughing]

Wha...?

[laughter]

Oh, it's just that
Mona is so funny.

You know what?

That is one of the things
I love most about you.

Never thought of myself
as all that funny,

but it's nice to be appreciated.

[laughter]

In fact, you know what?

Both of you mean
the world to me.

You do.

And I wouldn't have been able
to start over in a new city

if it hadn't been
for your friendship.

Leslie, are-are you all right?

'Cause you're talking like
you're never gonna see us again.

[light piano music playing]

Hey, babe, can you
come here for a second?

Ted, what is this?

I thought we'd have a private
pre-anniversary celebration

before the extravaganza
tomorrow.

You are so sweet and thoughtful,

and I cannot wait to pop
that bottle, but...

I understand.
I know it's urgent.

I'll get you an answer
right away.

We are having
a little appetizer emergency.

They have to make
a last-minute substitution.

Uh, how do you feel
about chicken sauté

-instead of shrimp appetizer?
-Sure.

Chicken sauté will be fine.

Yes. Thanks.

Bye.

Great. Problem solved.

Thanks, Eva.

Now, we can get back
to that champagne?

Um, I'm afraid
I can't let you two

have this little celebration.

♪ ♪

I'm impressed.

You made it
halfway through lunch

without mentioning
your ulterior motive.

Very circumspect, my darling.

Well, what's wrong
with thinking you might enjoy

revisiting the sight of your
triumphant return to the stage?

Let's start with: karaoke
is not a real performance.

And yet it netted you
a valid offer

for a real comeback concert.

-Vernon...
-Why are you hesitating, huh?

The crowd loved you.

And your voice sounded
just as glorious

as the first time
I heard you sing.

My love, your ears
must be biased,

because that's just not true.

My voice has aged,
just like the rest of me.

Like fine wine.

When you spoke to the agent,
you said you'd consider it

if Dani and Naomi
accompanied you.

Have you even discussed
the possibility with them?

Why raise the question

when I haven't decided
to do it myself?

What's stopping you? Hmm?

And what will it take
to get you to say yes?

I got a whole bunch
more stuff in my car.

Uh, honey, I don't know how

we're gonna fit all of your
things in this tiny apartment.

Babe, you knew
I'd be bringing stuff with me.

Yeah, but I didn't know you'd
be bringing your own furniture.

I thought you'd leave
that ratty old chair

with your roommates.

Herbert goes where I go.

Of course you brought
a chair with a name.

What was I thinking?

Herbie was the very first
piece of furniture I bought

when I moved into my old place.

My chair buddy has
great sentimental value.

Oh, and I have a lamp that will
go perfectly in this spot,

instead of
your funny-shaped vase.

No. I used a very big chunk
of my very first paycheck

from the hospital
to pay for this vase.

Right. So we can
keep it somewhere

a little more out of the way.

Absolutely not.
This vase is one of a kind.

-I mean, if it's even valuable.
-Oh, it is.

Then maybe we should sell it,

make some money
and free up space.

[chuckles]

♪ ♪

[distorted grunting]

-[knocking at door]
-[gasps]

How you doing, cousin?

Oh, I hope I'm not interrupting
anything important.

I'm happy for the distraction.
What's good?

I'm trying
to figure out something,

and you're the person
in the family

best qualified
to give me advice.

Always happy
to lend my expertise.

Great. I want to talk
about threesomes.

I think you've confused
being g*y

with being
in an open relationship.

Smitty and I
are boringly monogamous,

so no threesomes.

Chill, Martin.

I'm not trying to make
any assumptions

about your relationship.

I wanted to talk to you

because you're the only person
in the family,

that I know of,

that's actually thought about
their sexuality.

Most people just
take it for granted.

So, what about threesomes?

The other night, I was with
this husband and wife,

Craig and Allison.

It wasn't our first time
we had been together,

but this time, Allison was
more into me than Craig was.

Frankly, he ended up
as more of a spectator.

Did that make you uncomfortable?

More the opposite.

It was exciting,
and I just didn't expect it.

I kind of felt like
I was letting Craig down

by not including him more.

Did he complain?

No.

[chuckles]
I don't see the problem.

From what I understand,

straight men actually enjoy
two women getting together.

I guess the problem is me.

I suddenly began to wonder
what would happen

if I spent time with Allison
one-on-one.

Get to know her
a little bit better

outside of the bedroom.

So it's not the threesome.

It's the scariness of actually
caring about one person.

I mean, I've been
with women before.

You know, I like to keep
my options open.

But I never really thought about
what would happen

if it became more than
just a casual hookup.

Meaning if you were g*y or bi

instead of just experimenting.

I don't like limits or labels.

Or maybe being serious
with anyone.

-Would you wipe
that smirk off your face?
-[chuckles]

This is too damn complicated.

You're certainly
making it that way.

What do you want me to do?

I want you to tell me that
everything I'm doing is okay.

Everything you're doing is okay.

I don't understand
why you are so determined

to have me do this.

Because you were so happy

singing in front
of an audience again.

It was like you discovered
a lost part of yourself.

And I want you to feel that way
all the time.

There's a whole new generation

that deserves to experience

the glory of you
performing live,

just like I did.

But it wouldn't be like
when you first met me, though.

I didn't start out
as a solo act.

I was just
one of the Articulettes.

There was nothing better
than singing with those girls.

I mean, yes, I had more fame and
success as a solo artist, but...

those women were my sisters.

And honestly,

what I loved most
was performing with them.

And I suppose in
some hypothetical universe...

...if we were
to sing together...

...maybe I'd consider
performing again.

I think an Articulettes reunion
is a wonderful idea.

We should mention it
to the agent.

Um, it's not that simple.

The breakup of the group
was far from amicable, and...

I am not proud of the way
I treated Tracy and Sharon.

I don't even know
if it'd be possible,

to make up for what I've done.

[chuckles softly]

Hey, honey, you know,
I already have a shower caddy,

so there's just no place
to hang this one.

Yeah, but yours is full
of all your girly products.

I need space for my body wash
and shaving cream

that doesn't smell
like chrysanthemums.

There's just no room.

I can install a hook
in the shower,

hang it from the ceiling.

Yeah, I suppose that'll work.

Of course it will.

As long as we compromise,
everything will work.

Hey, uh, what shift
did you pull tomorrow?

-7:00 to 7:00.
-Me, too. Which means

we're both gonna need
the shower at the same time.

God, I forgot how tough it is
when we have to deal with that.

I wish we had a second bathroom.

Well, did you also forget

how much fun it is
for us to share a shower?

Okay.

I'm seeing major advantages
to living together.

I was watching social media
and they were saying

how important it is
to let your friends know

how much they mean to you
on a regular basis.

It-it sounded like
a good idea to me.

I guess it wasn't.

-No, no, it is, it is.
-Mm-hmm.

I'll go next.

I am so happy that I have
you and Mona as my besties.

You guys keep me sane.

-LESLIE: Oh.
-MONA: Really?

[laughter]

Our friendship is
a blessing to me, too.

[chuckling]

Oh, I better get back
to the house.

There's so many
last-minute things to do

before the anniversary party.

Yeah, I bet that party is
going to be a really big deal.

You know it. Nobody does
a gala like the Duprees.

They practically invented them.

Or at least gave them a glow-up.

If you're headed out,
I'm gonna go check in on Ashley

and see if she needs any help
with the big move.

All right.

Now, Eva, I know
you don't want to keep me

from enjoying special quality
time with my beautiful wife.

That is the last thing
I want to do.

But it is my job to make sure

that everything about this party
goes off without a hitch.

And unfortunately,
I need Nicole's help to do that.

Of course you do.
Let's get it done.

But I hate disappointing Ted.

I mean, the champagne,
the strawberries...

It's the most romantic thing
I've ever seen.

I don't think I'll ever have
what you two have found.

Don't say that.

You are just as capable
as anyone

of finding a loving
and happy relationship.

I don't think
that's in the cards for me.

I'm the one men leave,
not the one they choose.

Eva, I don't want you
to think like that.

You just haven't met
your person yet.

One day, you'll be planning
your very own anniversary party

with your very own family.

You sound so convincing.

I almost believe
it could happen.

[keys rattling]

JAN:
Ashley?

What in God's name
is outside your door?

Catering correction.
Flowers. Sound system.

I think we have
a completed list.

-Hallelujah.
-[laughter]

Now, Eva, you can go on home
and relax.

Doctor's orders.

Well, I'll leave you two
to your strawberries.

Thank you.

TED:
Bye, Eva.

Bye, Ted.

Now I have you all to myself.

Let me feed my beautiful woman.

-MONA: Nicole?
-NICOLE: Uh...

Mona. Of course.

I'm so glad you're both here.

I wanted to let you know,

I am giving the rest of the
household staff tomorrow off.

I figured you might want
some privacy after your party.

[laughter]

Privacy is always appreciated.

I also wanted to talk to you
about some discussion

that the gardener and I
have been having

for how to update
the look of the backyard.

L-Let me just pull up
a few images.

Now, I want you to know that
I'm not married to any of this.

There are plenty
of different options.

No time like the present.

Thanks for meeting with me,
Granddad.

Sorry if I seem
a little frazzled.

It's been kind of
a complicated day.

No problem, Martin.

What did you want to talk about?

LESLIE:
Oh, my.

Are you...?
Oh, of course you are.

You must be the senator,
Vernon Dupree,

and Congressman
Martin Richardson. Oh.

Yeah. I'm flattered
you remember me.

Pleased to meet you, ma'am.

Oh. Oh, the pleasure's all mine.

And I am so honored. [laughs]

Uh... [clears throat]

You look like you'd appreciate
a nice brownie.

-I-I love brownies.
-LESLIE: It's just a gift.

Just a little gift, that's all.

I mean, I didn't mean
to intrude.

Actually, I normally
don't talk to strangers,

but I am such a huge fan
of the Duprees.

And I just had to come over here
and-and say hello.

-I'm so excited.
-Thank you. I...

No, you. You, and you!

All of you. All of the Duprees.

Do you know what role models
you are to me?

How y-you...

You actually inspire me.

You do.
I mean, I know it sounds crazy,

but I think of you all the time.

I think about everything
you represent.

I mean, really, who else

would make sure that Bigfoot

is getting privacy
when he's hiking?

Or that Atlantis stays under
the water, where it belongs?

Oh, my goodness.

I just, I just want
to say thank you.

Thank you so much,
from the bottom of my heart.

Because if it wasn't for you...
[gasps softly]

...truly, my life
wouldn't be what it is today

without the Duprees.

Oh!

[squeals] The Duprees!

[camera clicks]

[laughing]:
Okay. Oh, my gosh.

♪ ♪

ASHLEY:
Mom, you have to start knocking

instead of just
letting yourself in.

I guess so, now that I might be
interrupting something.

It's not about that.
It's just simple privacy.

I think its eyes
are following me.

Yeah, they do that.

Maybe I should have left it
in the hallway.

Does he have a name, too?

Name a stuffed moose head?
Come on, Ash.

I won him in a raffle
at the station.

I kept him tucked away
in the garage at my old place.

It's not really me.

Just didn't have the heart
to tell the guys that, though.

Well, so it's not
really me, either.

So it's not going on the wall
of my apartment.

Uh, it's our apartment,
remember?

-Of course she does.
-[Ashley chuckles]

I know it can be a little rough
when you start living together.

Lucky for you two,
I am here to help

smooth out any little bumps.

Compromise is the magic word.

Maybe you two
could start compromising

by keeping the moose head.

But putting it in the closet.
I'll make room for it.

No, Mom, you'll mess
everything up in there.

Nonsense. I have a great sense
of spatial relationships.

It's like my superpower.
We can make this fit.

Mom, stop.
I have everything organized

according to a system!

I'm just trying to help.

Am I supposed to adhere

to this a**l shelving system?

[clears throat] Do you have
a system of your own?

Yeah, I put stuff
where there's space.

Which is a sure way to make sure
there never is any space.

Look, I'll train you
on my system, it's very easy.

I-I don't need a lesson on how
to put things on shelves.

Children,
I suggest that you divide

the closet in half,
and each of you can organize

their sections
the way they see fit.

-No.
-No.

At least you agree on something.

ALLISON:
Chelsea. Hi.

Are you too busy,
or would you like some company?

Hey, Allison.

Your text was a nice surprise.

I mean, too bad Craig's
at work and can't get away.

Oh, no worries. I actually
wanted to talk to you alone.

That sounds like trouble.
But I like it.

Should I,
should I be concerned?

No. No.

Okay, act--
I'm actually concerned now.

What's up?

It's the other night.

I can't stop thinking about it.

What happened between us
was incredible.

I agree.

I mean, the two of us,
without Craig.

It was different
than any other night

I'd spent with you two,

which is usually more of a...
group project.

I mean, the group element
was the part

that interested you the most,
you said.

A-And Craig and I love variety.

I mean, it's the spice of life,
after all.

Yes, and we had fun.

But I enjoyed
this particular spice

much more than I expected.

And...

...I might want
to experience that again,

without other added ingredients,

if you catch my drift.

I think I do.

So...

...would that be something
you might be interested in?

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Hey. So do you think
that this wig

matches my dress?

Or maybe I should
try another one?

If I didn't know any better,

I'd say you were trying
to impress the Duprees.

Impress them? Girl, please.

I could wear a garbage bag

and still run circles
around Nicole.

What's three plus three?

It's six,
and that's not the phrase.

It's "What's four plus four?"

Ate! Ah, thank you.

I agree your mama
is eating this wig.

But I think I'm gonna
swap it out

and give Miss Tina a break here.

Mmm.

You should go with whatever
makes you feel the best.

Oh, I always do.

Mm.

So guess who I saw.

Congressman Martin Richardson

and the almighty Vernon Dupree
at Orphey Gene's.

And I made sure
they noticed me, honey.

I got all up in their faces

and acted like
I was a fawning groupie,

and I just let them know
how much I just love the Duprees

and how amazing they are, and...

Mama, I thought this
was all about Ted.

Why are you making it
about the Duprees?

-Well...
-Look, the bigger
this thing gets...

Calm down already, okay?

Always catching an attitude
for no reason.

This is not having anything
to do with our plan, all right?

I know all about
the Articulettes.

Honey, please.

I lost my virginity with Anita
playing in the background, baby.

Okay, please tell me
you're kidding.

About which part?

All of it.
You are playing with fire.

You look mighty pensive
over there, son.

Been thinking
about my constituents.

People like that woman
who was talking to us before.

They've put their faith in me.

And you've justified
their belief in you, Martin.

When I'm awake, I believe that.

The dream, huh?

It's back, for the first
time in a while.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Do you know what triggered it?

I ran into Bill earlier.

Maybe that helped
the memories come back.

It's not like
they're that far away.

I hate that Bill Hamilton
is involved in this...

but the one good quality he has

is that he can
keep his mouth shut,

at least
when it's to his benefit.

Is Bill's mouth one reason
you argued against my running?

I do have reservations

about you running
for president, Martin.

Is it possible that
your concerns about running

brought the dream back?

Could be.

I've been so worried
about Tyrell

that maybe that
was a distraction.

But now that my son's issues
seem to be resolved,

it's given space
for my old demons to return.

And I'd give anything

for a way to get rid of them
for good.

Don't leave
a girl hanging out here

with her heart on her sleeve
like that.

Here's the thing, Chelsea.

Craig and I are a unit.

We wear matching fits.
We do 5Ks.

We have a pact to only go to
new restaurants with each other,

and we've always
partied together.

I understand that.

And I want to respect
any boundaries

that you have
in your relationship.

But, I mean,
it's not like we have

any hard-and-fast parameters
when it comes to that.

You know, in fact,
our marriage is happy

because we're free to do
what we like

outside of each other, too,

as long as we're transparent.

Well, in the spirit
of transparency,

I got to keep it a buck.

I'm feeling you, Allison.

And I was nervous as hell
to have this conversation.

Come on.
Aren't we past playing coy?

I mean, in some ways, yeah,
but this is different.

The way you read me
and anticipate my needs,

the warmth that I feel
when I hug you.

The way I cannot stop
thinking about the other night.

And I was worried
how you would react

to me telling you
how I really feel.

And hand to God,

I don't want to offend
your relationship,

but I just couldn't stop myself
from reaching out.

And I'm falling hard, huh?

You're not alone
in your feelings, Chelsea.

I can't deny that I feel
a spark, too, you know?

In and out of the bedroom.

So if you're okay with Craig
knowing all about it,

then I'm definitely open
to a solo encounter with you.

I am more than okay with that.

-I have something else to ask.
-Mm?

How about we get
a little wild first?

Ooh, surprise me, baby.

How about we have a real talk?

A real conversation?

See what lies beneath
the connection IRL?

I think we could both
use a drink after today.

Moving is supposed to be one
of the great traumas of life.

And you weren't
even the one moving.

And yet...

-Hi, guys.
-ASHLEY: Hi.
-DEREK: Hey.

-Good to see you.
-ASHLEY: Good to see you.

-You look so pretty.
-ASHLEY: You look gorgeous.

-What's going on, bro?
-ASHLEY: As always.

You look happy.

That's because I am
back to practicing

the type of law that will
let me sleep at night.

I'm gonna have no problem
conking out, that is for sure.

Yeah, you do look
a little worn out, bro.

I didn't hear about any fires
on the police scanner.

No, no, I was doing something
much more stressful

than dousing flames.

Moving in with Ashley.

JACOB:
Okay.

I think I'd enjoy
getting to know you out of bed.

How about we order
some appetizers and c*ck?

NAOMI:
Chels. Hi.

You and your friend
should come join us.

I mean, the more the merrier.

Mama, you do know Martin
and Vernon never wronged us.

Oh, I know.

Ted's the one that used me
and threw us both away.

But when it all
comes down to it,

it's really
that Nicole Dupree's fault.

I mean, Ted couldn't give up
that glamour

and status of hers, but...

Except it's really not
her glamour and status.

I mean, it's not like
she earned it, right?

I mean, the child was born with
a silver spoon in her mouth.

And that's because she had

a senator daddy and a diva mom.

Hmm.

So, the way I see it,

all that suffering
and abandonment

that you and I experienced

is really the whole
Dupree family's fault.

And they deserve to pay.

I guess, in a karmic sense,
that might be true.

No, baby, literally.

They need to pay.

In, like, cash.

And I bet they'd be
willing to ante up

to preserve Ted's reputation,
which, of course,

will protect their
precious Nicole from scandal.

Once we reveal it to the world,
we lose our leverage.

So, in order
to maximize our power,

we have to take our time,

milk them for every penny
we can get,

and then once
we've bled them dry,

ooh, we can blow Ted's secret

sky high, baby! [laughs]

I wish we could talk
to someone with expertise

about your issues.

Mom would be
the most logical choice.

No, we...

couldn't bring Nicole into this.

We don't want to burden
anyone else with this secret

who doesn't already know.

No, there's too much
at stake, Martin.

Not just for you,
but for the whole family.

Believe me, I know.

And I hate keeping secrets
from Smitty,

but this is my responsibility.

God knows,
I brought it on myself.

Allison, I know we just met,

but is there any chance
I could interest you

in acquiring
a stuffed moose head?

Hey, come on.

ASHLEY: Derek and I just
moved in together,

and his taste in decor
is just...

It's a little questionable.

-[laughter]
-ALLISON: Mm.

We just are going to need
an adjustment process.

-Yeah.
-ASHLEY: We could
probably use some advice

from the married folks.

Well, Jacob and I lived together
before he put a ring on it,

and I was nervous
about how we'd get along,

but it went smoothly
from day one, right, baby?

Yep. And I'm nobody's fool.

I wasn't about to mess this up.

Allison, you seem to be
one of the married crew.

Got any sage wisdom for us?

Um...

I mean, based on my experience,

as long as you communicate
about everything,

even when it's difficult,
you'll be fine.

Well, Derek's disorganization
and pack rat tendencies

are gonna make things
difficult, all right.

I guess opposites
really do attract.

TED:
Now, if anyone else
comes to the house,

I'm gonna physically
kick them out.

What if it's my mother?

Quick, let's make this toast.

To the most beautiful woman
in the world.

To the love of my life.

To my reason for living.

To the most handsome, kind

and romantic man
I have ever met.

I am grateful every day
that I married you.

Mmm.

Mmm.

This is the beginning

of what will be truly
an epic anniversary celebration.

-Mmm.
-Mm.

Mama, you're probably right.

Blackmailing the Duprees
would be a smart move,

financially speaking.

Exactly.

I mean, we'll live here
a little longer

while lining our pockets.

I mean, look at all this stuff.

Don't you want to leave
this apartment?

I mean, don't you think
we deserve it?

Yes, but honestly,

I don't think you could
stay quiet that long.

-Excuse me?
-You cannot resist

poking the Dupree bear.

-Mm.
-I mean, look at the way

you talked to Kat about me.

And went up to Vernon
and Martin this afternoon.

Besides, this whole
anniversary party was your idea.

And I've worked 24/7 for weeks

to make it the kind of gala
you claim to want,

that you want
to look perfect for,

even though you won't admit it.

It's never been solely
about the money for you.

We were fine without money.

Tell me I'm wrong.

♪ ♪

[sighs]

[keys jingling]

Hey, Mama, what are you doing?

Oh, hey. [chuckles]

Oh, nothing, baby.

About to make dinner.

You in the mood
for some spaghetti?

I'm always in the mood
for your cheesy spaghetti.

-[laughs]
-But I can't stay.

Oh, you have
another client appointment?

You know who has been
texting me all day?

Mm-mm, not... not that child.

What's her name? Shonda.

She messed up another blowout?

You know these girls
can't maintain

their hair after I do it.

Spend all this energy
and effort,

and they can't be bothered
to tie it up at night.

-You okay?
-Yeah. Yeah, I'm great.

No, I'm not.

Mm.

I'm tired of you working
long days on your feet.

We're barely getting by.

-Alan's insurance.
-No, honey, please.

This-- [scoffs]
They pay his medical bills.

Maybe.

But i-it's time for us
to have the life we want, baby.

All right, this hand-to-mouth
thing is not working.

Something has to change.

I can get a second job.

I-- Yeah, so could I, mm-hmm.

But what will that do?
How will that help us?

You deserve better.
I deserve better.

Mama. It's okay.

There are people out there
that are living their lives.

They are stepping high
in cotton.

[laughs]

And everything
was just handed to them,

laid right there in their lap.

That's what I want for us.

Oh, baby. For us to spend

every single day living life.

Walking tall and living large.

How is that gonna happen?

Oh, well, you know, your mama
is gonna figure it out.

Mm-hmm.

But in the meantime,

you call me when
you get off from work,

and we are gonna
have some dessert.

Mama, we can't afford dessert.

W-We're gonna take the time
to make our lives be

what we desire them to be, hmm?

Aww. [laughs]

Mm.

It's about the truth, Eva.

Justice.

We had to live a lie,
for decades.

You had to grow up
without a biological father.

I had to live a mediocre life
with a mediocre man,

when I was supposed to be

this rich, respectable
doctor's wife.

Not the mediocre life
that Ted made me accept.

But you have a point.

You do.

We can't live
off of revenge, right?

Yeah, we are going to
have to make sure we air

all of Ted's dirty laundry.

Because he put us
in this position.

He did that.

And it's gonna be so much fun

finally settling the score.