01x04 - Un match

[bunniefuu]

You've talked to
four mechanics already.

No, no. I'm just gonna see
one more mechanic

and then decide what to do.

It has a gas leak. It's dangerous.
We can't sell it like that.

But there's no...
There's no rush or a deadline or anything.

- Okay.
- Don't worry, I'm taking care of it.

I'll pay the insurance, okay?

I got it.

- Turn on your lights, as*h*le!
- Feli?

- Felipe?
- Hold on.

Okay. When will you bring me the car?

Hey! Feli, are you there?

- What's going on? Can you hear me?
- Oh.

Uh...

Uh, uh, I'm gonna have
to talk to you later. Okay?

- No, wait, listen...
- I-It's... It's just...

There was a... a car crash
and I... I gotta go help.

But when will you bring the car over?

Great.

COMMUNITY SQUAD

I'm sure you'll have a great time
taking care of the city beach.

And even though I've been suspended...

I love me some beaches! Yeah!

...in spirit, because, no matter what,
I won't, you know...

Change of plans.

Some traffic lights are out,
so we need you guys to work on that.

Alright, I see you've found
a place for the photo. Nice.

We have some news about Diego.

- Did you find out who shot him?
- No, no.

- Not yet.
- Ah.

- He's out of the coma?
- Negative, and, from what they said...

Anyway, it's difficult to replace Diego.

But we're gonna try!

Piero!

Hi, everyone.

I'm Piero.

I'm so happy to be part of the team.

Uh, I didn't know Diego,

but I've heard he was a great guy.

And he'll be greatly missed, I'm sure.

Yes.

Get to know each other!

Welcome to the team.

Nice to meet you.

Thanks, gorgeous. You and I
are gonna work great together.

- Why?
- We both think walking is the worst.

You're sassy, huh?

You bet I am.

- Take a vest.
- Is that the only color?

- Can I have a bigger size?
- Yep.

- Hey.
- Huh?

- Don't go down there.
- Down where?

Man, Sofía.

Don't go down that road.

You surprised? Just because I can't see,
you doesn't mean I'm an idiot.

- You won't know what hit you.
- What do you mean?

She's been there, done that, man. Twice.

And only twice because of the wheelchair.

Right.

The wheels get her there faster, right?

No, you can't make those jokes.

I can, you can't.

Okay, okay. But, um, how do I know
which ones I can or can't make?

Stick to jokes in your wheelhouse.

Like Jew jokes.

Oh.

Mmm, Kenzo.

- Huh?
- Your perfume.

Oh, it's Enzo. I got it from Betty.

- Good fake.
- Think so?

You think that's cute?

Don't f*ck with me, idiot.

Don't you think it's

kinda funny, you know,

that they replaced Diego
with another fat guy?

I mean someone who looks like him?

I guess.
I bet he'll be great here, though.

Oh. Yeah, I-I really like him too,
you know, I...

I-I like him a lot, yeah.

- I like everyone here.
- Mmm.

Joni.

Diego.

- You... I like you.
- You like me?

- Yeah, a lot.
- Mmm.

I feel like
we can really trust each other.

Like there's a connection
and I can talk to you about anything.

Of course you can.

I have something I wanted to ask.

Yeah? What's been on your mind?

Come on, man.

- It's a little embarrassing.
- Say it.

Do you know how to look up
a license plate?

- What?
- I found this photo in Diego's phone.

Uh, I wanted to give a solid lead
to the police.

Maybe you and I
could investigate together?

'Cause I don't know what to do.

Well, I mean, Google exists, right?
Try, "How to track a plate?" on there.

Right.

- Hmm.
- You can Google anything these days.

HOW IS SEX WITH A PERSON IN A WHEELCHAIR

- You just type whatever and...
- Ready?

- Let me see.
- Huh? No, wait...

- Let me.
- I, uh...

- Ah.
- It's just that, uh...

- Your phone's ringing.
- Oh.

It's Pauli.

PAULI MY LOVE

I'll call her later.

- So...
- Hey, yo.

Like Miguel says, right?

"Don't you guys feel like moving your a*s
and getting to work?"

- Yeah.
- Are you coming?

- Yeah. We just wanted some water.
- Great.

Bernardo! Bernardo!

We're not going to the beach, okay? Hey!

Well...

- Bernardo!
- I don't think Miguel has ever said that.

I say don't mix sex with work.
It's not good.

And I would know.

If you only knew what I did
in the maintenance closet.

Don't waste her time, okay?

The poor thing's lost both her legs.

She has both legs.

They don't work, but...

she's got 'em, though.

The ones with Korean writing go in back.

- Complete the form.
- I'll sign.

- How are you?
- Okay, thanks.

CASATTA BROTHERS

Thanks.

They're really good.

The Casatta products are here.

Tell Tacha to come by
and pick up the merch.

He's not gonna make it.

Let's just say I k*lled him.

Dogo, why don't you...
You could take some time off, you know?

- Slow down a bit.
- Yeah? What do you mean by "time off"?

Don't waste either of our time.
If you don't need me, just say it.

That's not where I was going with that.

When you keep things to yourself,
they just blow up on you later.

- Dogo.
- Yeah.

And that guard, what do we do?

We can take care of that without Dogo.

I can be really scary.

I've been told that
I can be pretty intimidating.

Says who?

Yanina Goldstein, do you know her?

Isn't "giant baby" what she called you?

Mm-hmm.

Here's one. What do you call
a dinosaur made of cheese?

Gorgonzilla.

- Don't you see it's my turn?
- Good.

Those are good.

- Take notes.
- What they call that friend?

- What?
- They call him Gym.

- Why?
- 'Cause he's great, but so tiring.

- I have one more.
- Is it like a fetish?

Mm?

Imagine her without the chair
and tell me if you still like her.

I don't know.

I met her with the chair.
I can't picture her without it.

Eh, that's a fetish.

Don't worry about it.
I'm also pretty kinky.

I'm not kinky.

Sorry it took us so long to get back,

but good news, we made a deal
with the man from the pizza place.

He told us whoever does the best today,
wins a dinner for two.

What do you think?

You'd better play to win, 'cause that guy?

He'll eat all of it.

Hey! That's not funny, okay?

Fat shaming is no joke.

- No, no, no.
- Mm.

- No.
- Definitely.

Let's get going.

Girls, come with me to the squad,
and you guys go deal with the traffic.

Can I go to the city beach
instead of that?

Yeah, no problem. You got it.

Don't do that sh*t.

- I didn't do anything.
- Come on.

- Let's go.
- Let's go. Let's go.

Yeah, let's go.

Shall we just go?

Don't second guess yourself.
Earn that dinner!

You could share it with someone.
Someone you like, you know what I mean?

Hey!

You gotta pay attention, dude!

What's wrong with you?
Don't you know how to cross the street?

Your documents.
Your driver's license.

You can blow better than that.

FELIPE
I FOUND THE WEBSITE FOR THE LICENSE PLATE

Now count to 100.

My God, shut up.

I told you to avoid the fickle guys,
didn't I?

What do you see in him?

The fact that he doesn't pity me is great.

Whatever you do,
don't f*ck a guy from work.

It might be funny at first, but then...

when he comes, he cries.

Alright!

Ugh, it's the worst.

It's much, much better
to go for the girls instead.

Is it, now?

I demand you give the app
a serious shot, you know?

It'll help you relax.

Yeah, but I don't think I need to relax.

If you don't move your a*s in 5 minutes,
I'll key the f*ck out of you!

Yeah. I'll try the app. I'll try the app.

You're clear, but just barely.

No! That's Miguel!

Capoeira!

- I never expected to see him on an app.
- Right?

Cute.
Yeah.

- You got a bio?
- No...

I've just got a picture up there.

Let me see. C'mon.

Okay.

What?

- I'm ugly, right?
- No.

I am, it's not a good photo, I know.

- You could take a better one.
- Okay.

Make it more revealing.

Ah, okay. Okay.

Can you just take it from the t*ts up,

and keep my eyes the main focus,

'cause... 'cause that's my best feature.
Okay?

Ready.

- What is that supposed to be?
- Sexy.

Wanna do another? Here.

Girl, you gotta show the f*cking chair.
You do.

No, I don't think I wanna do that.

Why do I even have to advertise it?

You will immediately dodge
jerks and idiots.

And besides, this is just who you are.
You don't need to hide it.

Mm, I don't think.

You've got perfect t*ts,

you're clearly independent, and come on,
you're wearing a uniform,

- Authority is hot.
- Authority is hot.

Let me help.

What are you do...

Got a match, Vivi!

Get it!

That's okay.
That was so nice of you. Thank you.

Yeah, hi.
I need a sign in your biggest size.

"Stay out of it or we'll k*ll you."
In all red letters.

Ariel... No, no, no, no.

No, no name on it.

It can't just be anonymous?

Oh.

Okay, cancel it. No problem. Thanks.

Go dance somewhere else
and let us move!

What are you doing?

Come on! Move, jackass!

- It's my turn, jerk!
- Okay. Okay, okay.

Wait... Hold on.

You f*cking idiot!

- Go that way!
- What are you doing?

- I't not going that way!
- Where are you trying to go?

- I wanna go over there!
- Tell me where you're going.

Will you knock it off, man?

Gimme 40 seconds, dude.
Gimme at least that long to do my act.

Okay, okay.

Why is this as*h*le
blocking the street?

Do your damn job, man!

Yeah?

You're messing with the wrong crew.

Yeah, so you better get your nose
out of our business.

I'll tear your grandma to shreds

- and feed the pieces of her to the dogs.
- Huh?

- Say what?
- Come on!

I'm gonna tear up your granny

and feed the dogs all the pieces.

- What?
- We're gonna destroy your whole family.

- What's wrong with you?
- And then I'll r*pe your father.

- Do you understand?
- Don't be so rude!

- Move!
- It looked exactly like a dinosaur, yeah.

- Hey, you're such a stupid as*h*le!
- Huh? Yeah.

Well, you're a son of a b*tch, alright?

Uh...

Why don't you just settle down?

Chill out! I'm trying to...

There he goes with that whistle again!

- Stop blocking the street, man!
- Move it!

Alright, alright.

A policeman pulls over
a random guy one day, and he says,

"Drugs and Narcotics here."
The guy rolls down his window and says,

"I'm more of a wine and beer type of guy."

- You're hilarious.
- Wait, wait.

You're so good.

"Just in case," said the priest,
and bought a queen size bed.

See? Sense of humor.

Always does the trick.

I can't tell you that one.

It's about the eyes. You got me?

No, I don't.

Joni told me about... your fetish.

Let me give you a tip.

I'm telling you it works if you just say,

"I dreamed about you."

Why is it a fetish, you know?
Can't I just like her?

'Cause I'm... I'm... I can take my time here.

Dating a coworker is a big thing.

No.

Get her, tiger.

Hmm.

Wow, you really like beets, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, they're really good for, like...

- In general.
- Yeah.

Oh.

For your system.

- What is it?
- Nothing.

Just, um... Last night I dreamed of you.

- That's why I...
- Yeah? You did?

- Was it sexual?
- Well, yeah. Kinda.

- A little.
- And? Go on.

On the bus.

He was my dad.

I wrestled the g*n away from him.

And everybody clapped.

And where did I factor in?

Well, uh, you were the bus driver.
You know?

You kinda

controlled everything.

Mm, why is that sexual?

There were a couple of dogs
in the back just...

f*cking like crazy.

- Yeah. It was a metaphor.
- No!

You hear that? Huh?

That's the sound of us
not covering for you.

What's the matter?
There's no dessert today? That's a shame.

- Move it.
- Move your asses, people. Alright?

Good, that's it.

- Go. Beat it.
- Jesus.

Hey, Feli.
Do you know if she's seeing anyone?

I hate to admit it,
but the wheelchair turns me on.

- No idea.
- Why the long face?

- Okay.
- I don't know what...

- Hey.
- Hey, Doguito. What are you doing today?

Hanging with the family.

You need me for something?

Hey.

What's going on?

What's the matter with you?

- I see you struggling, you know?
- I've dated Pauli for too long.

Pauli? What Pauli?
Why would I care about that?

- I meant directing traffic.
- Ah.

Don't listen to the haters, man.

You can't do that.

What you need to do is stop your ears.

And take a breath. Okay?

Look at Bernardo, right?

- He turns a deaf ear to everybody.
- Come on, idiot! Move it!

f*ck!

- So, I should just ignore it?
- Exactly. Go, go, go!

Come on, scumbag! Move!

What the f*ck are you doing?

Can you wait a minute?

Pedestrians!

You hear that? Your turn!

- That's it! Go!
- Alright.

It's my job, man. Can't I just...

Not right now, man. You gotta wait.

Okay. I get it, I get it.

Alright.

Come this way.

Let's see who's the best agent now, huh?

We'll see who the best guard is!

Really great job, Piero.

He just got here,
and he's running circles around you.

Enjoy it.

Number one.

Hey, thanks. Great job, guys. And girls.

You all did great.

You did a great job.

- Yeah, I know.
- Out there in the...

Heya, Sof. How does a threesome sound?

- You, me, Naples-style pizza?
- No, thanks.

You a fat-shamer now?

Don't be an a*s.

- Hey, Skinny...
- Sup?

How does a threesome sound?

- Us two, and a pizza?
- Come on. Stop!

I'm vegan, but the threesome sounds nice.

We could ask for some
of that potato cheese.

Have you ever had potato cheese
with handcuffs on, big boy?

- No, but I'm up for it.
- We'll go to the city beach, right?

Not now, okay?

- Miguel! Can you take over?
- No, I'm just here to say hi.

- No, I insist.
- Hey!

- They're all yours.
- No, no, no.

Don't get too excited.
I'm not back officially.

I just dropped in to say hello
to my little birds.

How are my special ability birdies doing?
How's it going?

Are we going to the beach?

So that company will take less than a week
to get us the plate data.

Hey, Mike.

Mike... Mike...
Let's say you're looking for a guy,

and you only have his plates.
What do you do?

Uh, okay, you gotta go into the Intranet.
Do you see the thing that says Sector Ten?

- Yeah.
- Click that.

You'll notice it asks for a code.

The code to use is "sex organ."

Which is...

it's a dumb pun.

So, how was your day?

- Good.
- Lots of capoeira? Lots of Zen?

Okay.

Get some matches?

Let's see.

Sometimes I use the apps to try to, uh,

to do some research
into the, uh, sociology.

- Are you also doing some research?
- Ah.

- "Casatta Brothers." Thanks.
- Mm-hm.

You owe me one.

My ex.

You know what?

PAULI MY LOVE

I should've changed her name
a long time ago.

How's the Pauli thing going now?

Now? It's, uh...

- Not really anything anymore.
- Mm.

You on dating apps?

No, 'cause I already struggle enough
interacting with people I know.

Trying with strangers would be a problem.

It would, yeah.

- Better to stick to faces you know. Mm-hm.
- Yeah.

No.

No, no. No! Mm-mm.

Hey, wanna grab a drink?

Uh... Oh, well... Mm...

I'm going on a date today.

- Oh.
- Mmm.

No, yeah. You know,
I just meant like we could

talk, um, go somewhere to, uh,

talk about the case?

If you felt like it, we could eat
and we could talk, so...

Well, it's possible to cancel the date.

If you want to, then yeah.

'Cause it wouldn't be good
to let the investigation go cold.

Remind me of

exactly which investigation?

- Uh...
- The one on your phone, right?

No, no. That was uh... Uh...

Which search are you... Huh?

I saw your browsing history.

It's more interesting
than the Casatta thing.

If you're curious about sex
with a wheelchair user,

you can always ask me.

Okay.

Okay.

I gotta go look for a thing
that might be in the maintenance closet...

I'm coming, Bernardo!

Let me get it!

Ooh!

- So you go like that.
- Mm-hm.

And that's a way to detain a suspect.

Oh, yeah. Got it.
That's a good one.

- That's... That's what I was told.
- Mm.

I just came to get this.

Okay.

Don't mind me, kids.

Is something on fire?

Keep going, keep going.

- No.
- Okay. Yeah.

Can I get your help going down this ramp?
It's steep as f*ck.

Yeah.

- Come on. Hurry up!
- I do love me a good fire.

Wait, wait, wait. Gentle!

- Let's go!
- It doesn't go any further.

Tell Bernardo
I can't stop the fire like this.

I'm going inside
to tell him that.

What can you do with a hose this short?
Water the plants?

You gotta be kidding me.

It's weird.

Was that overkill?

I just wish he'd been inside the car.

Ah, well, he got the message anyway.

It had a gas leak.

Agh!

Son of a m*therf*cking b*tch!

Goddammit, what the f*ck!

Hey, way to go, Betty.

Don't worry. It just needs a new paint job
and some upholstery. That's all.

Well, this is why we have insurance,
you know?

I was a little behind on payments,
so I don't know what they'll...

- No. You're outta luck.
- You don't think...

- No, no.
- Okay.