01x04 - Ghost of Medusa

[bunniefuu]

[groaning]

We're coming in hot!

Congratulations, Private Obvious.

I'm promoting you to captain.

I totally deserve it.

- I'll check below.
- God's light!

Can't you work that contraption
any faster?

When I was a young man, I could operate
a blacksmith forge while juggling.

[grunting]

How is it we can't stay in the air
with two giant gas bags aboard?

We made it in one piece.

This...

- doesn't look like Japan.
- Huh?

You know,
I think we're getting better at this.

[cow moos]

How are we supposed
to find the Brotherhood

when you won't even help us land the ship?

Na, na, na, na, na.

Hmm? Why didn't you tell him
you saved the ship?

Seemed funnier this way.
And he's being a total jerk.

Compass said something supernatural
should be going on here.

Nothing seems awry.

Ugh! Total boredom. There's a guy
over there watching cheese curdle.

And those three
are literally watching paint dry.

Yeah!

[sniffing]

Does anyone else smell soup?

As if.

- Who are you?
- Aah!

Don't do that.

I'm called Aldo. I'm a shepherd.

[baas]

Wait, you can see ghosts?

[Aldo] Oh, yes.

We're used to strange things around here.

I knew it.

Last week, Miss Dimitri's loom broke.

Mr. Potenza's roof sprung a leak.

The city of ghosts.
A sheep kicked me again.

Wait. Go back.

- The sheep kicked me right in the...
- The one before that.

- The ghost city?
- [Leo] That's the one.

[Teodora]
Ah, yes, I'm glad we trusted a tip

from that totally legit
provincial shepherd boy.

[all shudder]

- Oh?
- Huh? There.

Something's happening.

Something big!

Ave, travelers.

We are Auxilia Cohort 13.

Your local Roman legion,

proudly serving Pompeii
and surrounding townships for eternity.

We ask that you, uh, leave.

We don't wanna make you. But we could make
you. We are strong and manly indeed.

You're afraid of us.

Pfft. No. As if.

Test not our spear arms, demon!

You're ghosts?

Well, of course we are.

And by your armor, I would say

you've been dead
at least a thousand years.

Since the volcano erupted.

That's Mount Vesuvius?

Holy... Would you...?

Oh, wow!

I've seen drawings, but...
But... But it's so majestic.

Yes. It k*lled us all,
but I'm glad you like it.

It's okay, everybody!

They're ghosts!

Come on out!

It has been too long
since Pompeii has had visitors.

This calls for a celebration.

- A true Bacchanalia.
- Ooh!

I always wanted to go to a toga party.

There is but one rule in our fair city.

None are to enter the mouth of Vesuvius.

For it brings doom.

But you seem very nice. I'm not worried.

Friends, Romans, countryside folk...

being a ghost is, by its nature,
a solitary endeavor.

But the circumstances of our city's demise

means that none of us wants
for companionship.

Since we all went together,
we'll always have each other.

So, drink up.

[all cheering]

[man] Cheers!

Ugh!

[groaning]

At least when pirates are shipwrecked,
they have a cannibalism option.

- There are some crackers on the ship.
- [Alebrije] Too late.

[gasps]

Back home, we used to leave food out
for the dead once a year,

on the Day of the Dead.

I never thought to ask you guys
if you could actually eat it.

Oh, yes.

We don't need to,

but once food is left out long enough...

the picnics become ghost food,
just like this.

Best days ever.

That makes me feel better.

Aah!

Still starving, though.

So, what is it you're so jumpy about?

What can a town of ghosts
possibly be afraid of?

Oh, let's not talk about that.

This is a party, Leo.

- Hey there.
- Heh.

Show off.

[giggles]

I remember painting a false tunnel
on a rock face as a trap,

only to run headlong into it myself.

Relax. It's a party.

Stupid Bacchanalia.

"Relax. It's a party."

[grumbling]

[yelling]

[sheep baaing]

Hey, buddy.

Huh? Hey!

Shoo!

[whimpers]

[yelling]

Huh? Aldo?

Aldo!

Aldo, wait!

[gasps]

[ghostly wailing]

I told you not to enter the cave mouth!

Now she'll have to take one of us.

You have undone me, boy.

But it wasn't me. I swear. It was...

Aah!

Save yourself, boy.

Come on!

Mayor?

[screams]

[woman 1] How could this happen to him?

- He was such a good mayor.
- [man 1] He was so young.

- [man 2] Oh, no!
- [woman 2] No!

- [woman 1] He doesn't deserve this. Why?
- [man 2] I can't believe it!

- [woman 2] He was a special person.
- [man 1] How could this happen?

He was such a good person.

There's gotta be a way to bring him back.

We have to do something.

There is nothing to do but remember him.

But that is what ghosts do best.

[Teodora] What happened to him?

[guard] Once she turns you to stone,
sunlight means the end.

When it hits you, you turn to ash.

She?

I think it's time you told us a tale,
young man.

So be it.

It's all Perseus' fault.

Challenged to destroy the Gorgon Medusa,
he collected many weapons.

From Zeus, an adamantine sword.

From Hermes,
winged sandals to help him fly.

From Athena, a polished bronze shield.

He faced the creature bravely...

by running away.

But using the reflection in his shield,
he took her head.

And that is when the troubles truly began.

Medusa turned humans to stone
when she was alive.

But when she became a ghost...

she could turn ghosts to stone.

When we brought the Greeks' myths
back to Rome,

we brought their monsters with them.

Many great warriors tried to defeat
the ghost of Medusa.

All failed.

Yikes.

She hides there.

A secret volcano lair.

Pompeii is Medusa's hunting ground.

You just let her turn you guys to stone?

[guard] We made a pact.

We used to give her sacrifice once a year.

But then she did not take them.

We haven't sent a champion in a long time.

Well, let's fix that.

We can trick her.

When Perseus fought her,
he had the weapons of gods.

Yeah, but it sounds like
he didn't really need, like, any of that.

We can finish this tonight.

I've got a plan.

[Don Andres humming]

[singing] The monster came
And the children all screamed

They said something, something
Raspberry cream

Don Andres is really good
at this whole diversion thing.

I bet half of Italy can hear him.

I told him to be as quiet as possible.

They told him to ride
That old horse on a dare

But he was a fool
And the horse was a bear

Witness his stealth mode.

And you're sure this will work?

We can't lop her head off like Perseus.

How do you k*ll a ghost?

- Leo's right. Let's give up.
- No, because we know now there is a way.

Medusa. She can k*ll ghosts, right?

We give her a taste of her own medicine
and, bang, she's a statue.

Hence your mirror trap.

Hence verily.

Do you think ghost Medusa
can only turn ghosts to stone?

Yeah, the soldier said that was
the deal. She can't hurt humans now.

So, why is Don Andres down there?

Huh? Huh? Huh?

I never said the plan was perfect.

Yes, you did.

You said it exactly five times.

This is a perfect plan.

It's perfect.

Perfect, perfect, perfect!

We don't even know if reflections work.

The Jersey Devil's weakness was iron.

What if Perseus' shield only worked
because Medusa is allergic to bronze?

[Teodora] Don't get yourself worked up.

[Leo] Do we have bronze?

Oh, we're done. We're toast.

Relax.

Boys?

- Yes, Teodora?
- Aah!

Do we have the bronze mirrors in the trap?

Yes. I put some up. Marry me
and we'll live in a country house.

[giggling]

[hissing]

What was that? Hello?

I guess it was just my imagination.

Aah! Back, cursed fiend! Back!

Now!

Oh, crud!

[both scream]

[man 1] Run!

[man 2] Hide! We have to hide now!

Don Andres!

This is what we train for, men.

For Rome!

New plan.

Run for your ghostly lives!

- Come on! Let's go!
- Run!

- [man] Run!
- [woman] Run!

- No, no, no!
- [man] You have to get down! Come on!

- Come on, let's go!
- Don Andres!

There!

[gasps]

- No!
- No!

No, no, no!

My adorables!

Guys, Don Andres is frozen.

And my adorables.

Do you ever stop?

I'm dealing with loss through humor.

Folks, we should cover the statues

before the sun comes up
and turns our Don Andres to ash.

I know why I'm here.

I know why Alebrije is here,
what he brings to the team.

Even Don Andres, he... He tries.

What do you ever do?

Your so-called plan got him turned
into a lawn decoration

and you don't even care!

You don't know a thing about me.

She's not really a talker, you know.

Yes, she is.
She pretty much won't stop talking.

Oh, well, yeah, she yammers,
banters, gossips, prattles and gabs,

but she doesn't talk an awful lot.

She's not good at telling others
when she's done something good.

Uh-huh. Sure.

[Alebrije]
Did you know she saved the ship yesterday?

Teodora!

Ah?

Teodora!

Teodora?

Huh? Aldo? What are you doing here?

If you're looking for your friend,
she went up to the volcano.

[ghostly wailing]

She what?

Teodora went up to the cave
to take on Medusa!

What? That's cuckoo bananas!

It's my fault, Alebrije. Can you
keep doing this while I go get her?

Sure thing, Leo. I got this.

[panting]

[ghostly wailing starts then stops]

Huh.

Guess it's just an alarm.

[ghostly wailing starts then stops]

[chuckling]

[ghostly wailing]

So this guy couldn't beat her.

No pressure.

I know you can't hurt me! I'm human!

[yelling]

In here!

One of us must've stepped on a trigger.

I'm guessing
it's the one of us who's tangible.

Ghost skulls?

Not ghost skulls! Not ghost skulls!

I guess she keeps a cage
in case of human visitors.

Gotta admire her preparedness.

I think I know
why the mirror trap didn't work.

We used real mirrors.
Medusa's a ghost now.

Leo! I don't wanna interrupt, but...

[Leo] Lava!

Looks like there's a lever
to stop the cage.

Just one problem.

[ghostly wailing]

Oh, my goodness.

[yammering]

Got that. Yes! And that.

Huh?

[yells]

Come on, keep going.

You're getting closer.

Relax, keep your eyes closed
and you'll be fine.

Just hurry up!

[Leo yelling]

[hissing]

[Teodora yells]

Any time now!

[screams]

Hmm!

[screaming]

[grunting]

Ahh!

Whoa! Teodora! Look out!

You know what Perseus never had?

A weaponized selfie.

Hmph!

Oh, no!

[sobbing]

Goodness!

- We're back!
- We're alive!

- Yeah! We're back!
- All right!

We're back to normal!

Not the face with the snakes
and the hissing and freezing!

- It's too much, dear God in heaven!
- It's okay, it's okay.

[speaks in Spanish]

I've been meaning to ask,
how come you didn't turn to stone?

Hmm.

Her power must not work on perfection.

Right.

I'm just glad that shepherd kid told me
where you'd gone.

[Teodora] I only went into the cave
because he told me you had gone in.

[laughing]