02x20 - Love Week

[bunniefuu]

Oh, no.

They're coming.

Can I see?

No, it's mine. I brought it from home. Get away from me.

Okay, okay, yes, the rumors are true.

The erotes are coming. Do not panic.

Why would cupids make us panic?

They're called erotes, Joshua.

Why do you want to call them cupids?

Because they're stupid cute.

Aww.

No, don't aww in agreement. They're not cute.

This is a serious emergency.

You said not to panic.

Well, you overcorrected, Scott.

You know, there's not just two levels of panic.

There's eight.

An erote arrow will make you fall madly, insanely in love

with whoever you're looking at at the time.

Not necessarily your husband or girlfriend or whoever.

It could be a total stranger.

No, you'll be so in love with this person

who just happened to be in front of you,

you'll temporarily forget your job, your spouse, your whole life.

You won't be cheering if you end up falling in love with a relative.

Woo!

Okay, that was a non-zero amount of cheering.

Have we not learned that sex with relatives is bad?

We did a whole public service mural about it.

The mural is confusing.

How are we supposed to know they're related?

They have the same nose.

Look, if you want to get shot by deranged babies, I can't stop you.

But I can't let you destroy the social fabric of our city.

Therefore, I am forced to declare this week Love Week.

And since everyone knows weeks have rules,

that's what makes a week a week.

Right.

The first rule of Love Week will be no hard feelings.

Anyone with hard feelings will be imprisoned.

Donna, our relationship counsellor,

will be working overtime to pick up the pieces

of your shattered marriages and shattered extramarital affairs.

Hello.

Anyone who doesn't want to get hit, stay indoors.

Or get ready to have your lives turned upside down.

I've been on lookout my whole life,

and I never spotted what was right in front of me.

I did.

I did.

Hey, look!

sh**t me, baby!

sh**t me!

Oh!

I love you.

We'll figure it out.

I mean, I gotta tell my wife.

No, it's fine.

I fell in love, too.

I keep telling you I'm a hermit,

and I'm very, very sick.

I can change them.

Tyrannus, what's different about you?

Did you get shorter?

Could you mean that I'm sitting in a basket

and wearing a bowl on my head?

No, I definitely think you got shorter.

This is for protection.

I don't want to get hit with one of those arrows.

Understandable.

You've had more than your share

of one-sided relationships and unrequited love,

including the magically induced kind.

Has he?

Sometimes I feel like no one in this family

pays attention when I say I don't pay attention

to anyone in this family.

I can see you not wanting to get love struck,

but why not get out there

and let someone else fall in love with you?

Because that's cheating.

Everyone knows you don't try to love trap someone

during love week.

Besides, it's fake love.

I want the real thing,

and Donna says I deserve it.

Yes, but sometimes it sticks.

I know several couples who started off

being shot by a flying baby.

Why aren't you out there, then?

Seems like sticking to strangers

is kind of your thing.

Oh, this is amateur hour.

Right.

No place for a couple of super smash bros like ourselves.

And I'll have you know,

I have a lot of things that aren't sex.

Name one.

Drinking doesn't count.

Don't listen to him.

He's just upset because he got shorter.

Your father and I are full of things,

passions even.

That's why we're off to our sexless cabin for the night.

King Tai,

there's a reporter outside asking to talk to you.

I don't talk to the press

unless they promise not to draw me crying.

I don't cry that much,

and when I do,

the tears don't spray out

like they're always drawing it.

It's just that one reporter from Ice Week?

Tina.

Tina's here.

That lady you got a huge crush on?

It's not a huge crush.

We had some chemistry.

Some chemistry?

You told me you'd do anything to be with her.

Yeah, you sent that messenger to go tell her

thinking of you every night.

Just kidding, just kidding.

But how are you?

Ha ha, just kidding.

Well, maybe this is her finally responding.

Tell her, new messenger,

who's this, just kidding,

rolling on the decorative mosaic,

laughing, be right out.

Whoa, you got one of their arrows?

Yeah, I want to study this stuff.

If I can harness this technology,

we can do so much beyond just arrows.

Bombs that cause happiness,

smoke that causes fear.

Can we infect cats

to make them a little more silly

and a little less evil?

Because something real bad

is going on with those things.

Sure.

Now stand back.

This requires a very gentle touch.

Pippo, are you okay?

This is going to sound absurd to you,

but I'm in love with this bowl.

What?

What's so special about this bowl?

I don't know.

There's nothing special about it,

but I love it.

It's the weirdest thing.

It's just a stupid bowl.

Don't you dare call this gorgeous,

perfect bowl stupid.

Oh, no.

We both touched the juice.

Now we're both in love with a bowl.

Uh-oh.

Thank you for indulging me in a little trot.

I feel it's the ideal start

to a relaxing, sexless retreat.

Oh, I don't mind it at all.

It's more scenic,

and you don't get as many bugs in your teeth.

Do you think the kids are right?

Are we such passionate lovers

that we have no other passions?

Oh, no.

What is going on?

It sounds like a stampede,

and if it is,

I'm joining in.

Shlub, where are you going?

I don't know.

It's a stampede.

My horse parts are in charge now.

It's like when I get spooked,

which famously happens to me.

One of my main characteristics,

getting spooked.

Who are you,

and where did you come from?

I'm Shlub.

I'm on my way with my wife

to a sexless cabin,

but I simply cannot pass up a stampede.

Sexless?

With those haunches?

It's not what you think.

We have plenty of sex,

so much so that we force ourselves

to take breaks.

It brings us closer

on an emotional level,

and gives the troops time

to reload the cannons.

Whoa!

It's over already?

I could go on all day.

We have a winner,

the Mandatar

who joined halfway through the race.

Winner?

What the hell is he talking about?

That was a competitive stampede back there,

and you beat me.

You beat the great Manor Horse.

Darling,

I have never seen anything move so fast.

Wow.

I've never had anything other than sex and drinking

that I was any good at,

but this,

this winning feeling,

it's amazing.

You're telling me

that you're on your way

to a sexless cabin

while in the same breath

talking about how much sex you have?

Buddy,

it's confusing.

But one thing that isn't confusing,

your talent.

I want a rematch.

Would you mind, my darling,

if we put off our getaway

so I can explore this recently discovered

competitive instinct?

As far as I can tell,

it's also sexless.

Mind?

I think you have to.

This could be your thing,

your,

your other passion.

And I can't believe I'm saying this,

but it was thrilling

to be on the sidelines.

You see,

usually I'm the star

of this little show.

Lady,

I don't need to hear your life story.

Oh,

sideline once again.

What a silly new feeling.

Tina,

what brings you here?

Work,

what else?

Life of a reporter.

Ah,

so you're here

to do a story

about the Eurotes.

Yeah,

can I get a quote?

Something that can be boiled down

to a couple stick drawings.

We're doing what we can

to protect ourselves

and I'll be relieved

to see them go.

Hmm,

okay.

I see this as a bigger story

about the whole idea

of romantic love.

Like,

what even is it?

One minute,

you're living your life.

The next minute,

you're devoting yourself

to someone else?

It makes no logical sense.

Are you saying you're not even open

to the possibility of love?

I don't have time for it.

I'm too serious about my career,

but what I'm gonna do

is fall in love for my story.

I'm gonna get shot by Eurote

and write about how it feels.

Oh,

do you have anyone in mind?

I'll fall for whoever,

I guess.

I mean,

that's the experience, right?

The temporary sensation

of love with a total stranger.

Sure,

sounds like a great story

for you and that total stranger.

Well,

next time you see me,

I'll be in love.

Yep,

happy hunting.

Oh,

did you get that quote you wanted?

Sure.

Ty,

what are you doing?

Nobody should be alone

during love week.

Follow her.

What?

Just admit it.

You want to be the guy

she falls in love with.

Trust me,

I'm an empath.

Yes,

I do want her to fall in love with me,

but not like this,

not as some assignment

for a story

and it's going to wear off anyway.

Sometimes it sticks

and you'll never forgive yourself

if it sticks with someone else.

Trust me,

I'm a licensed astrologist.

Unless you think astrology is fake,

in which case,

I'm a licensed healer.

But wouldn't it be a little unethical?

How so?

Well,

if you can't articulate it,

I'd say it's a grey area.

A grey area.

Hmm.

Could you say that

a little more officially?

It's officially a grey area.

Trust me,

I...

The more you say trust me,

the less I do.

Thank you.

I'm off to put myself

in front of the woman

who's planning to fall in love

with whoever happens

to be in front of her

at the time.

It's a grey area,

which means it's okay.

Grandma,

how come you don't want

to get hit with a love arrow?

Well, little one,

after your grandfather died,

I knew then and there

I wouldn't...

Oh!

Get off me!

Hey, you there!

Come give grams a kissy.

Granny, no!

That's dad.

He's your son.

Look at that nose.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, there.

How goes the story?

Have you decided

who you're going to fall in love with yet?

Well, it'll just be

whoever I'm looking at

when I get hit, right?

Although the babies

seem to be avoiding me.

I must be giving off

a career girl vibe.

Should I giggle?

I can't pull it off.

I hear they're attracted to red.

Oh, good tip.

How much for this?

No, if you mind,

I'll pay for it.

But make sure you watch me pay for it.

I'm adorable

when I pay for these things.

King Tai,

I never noticed your eyes.

Not now.

Oh, what is this fruit?

That's, uh...

Cantaloupe.

Calabash.

These beautiful fruits

are native to Cropopolis.

Sailors brought them.

Didn't recognize the language.

And they're delicious raw.

They are poisonous raw.

Don't overrule me, Helen.

I didn't even think

you knew my name.

I don't think

your third nipple

is a story per se.

Mine gives milk, though.

Ah, sorry.

I thought he was attacking you.

Are you okay?

Yeah, and...

Oh, wow.

Tai, what is this feeling?

I think I may be in love with you.

I guess my story's gonna be about us.

That beats my drippy nippy!

We need to be logical about this.

We both know we touched the juice,

and that's what's causing

these surging emotions.

Well, I don't want to fight you for it

because I'll k*ll you.

And I don't want to outsmart you for it

because I'll also k*ll you.

But, look, whatever we do,

we obviously can't let a ball

get between us.

Obviously.

You're my brother.

Exactly.

Maybe it will help

if we turn away from it.

I hate not being able

to see it, though.

Hey, you tricked me!

I didn't trick you!

But ball came to me.

My whole body

is rippling with anticipation.

I'm competitive, Deliria.

Isn't that amazing?

I care if I win.

So do I.

The better you do,

the more I'm able

to influence people

by using my association

with you as a platform.

You wouldn't believe

how many people have asked me

about this hat

since I sat down.

You're going down,

pony boy.

Get ready to eat my dust.

Whatever else falls behind me.

I just trash-talked.

Centaurs, on your marks,

get set,

brown noise!

I think this is better than sex.

Wow, this is incredible.

I'd never realized

how effervescent

your olive skin looks

in the afternoon sun.

Wow, I guess that arrow

really does its thing, huh?

No!

I mean, well, yeah,

I know intellectually

your skin is average at best,

but I'm just seeing it differently.

You differently!

And honestly, it's awesome.

It feels good.

I wish this could last forever.

Yes, well, I hear sometimes

it does stick, apparently.

I hope it does!

Or, I don't know,

I guess that's just the arrow talking.

But who cares if it is?

I love this feeling!

I love love!

Come on, let's do

love stuff for the story.

Love stuff for the story!

Your slurping sounds cute.

What do you think?

Four dogs?

And we give them funny voices.

Pretend they can talk.

I could scratch your back for hours

and never complain about it.

I'm obsessed with cataloging

our life together.

Can you put underneath

two souls, one journey,

one day down with this goober,

a lifetime to go?

I do not know how to draw that.

This is the part

where I want us to have pet names.

I'll call you Typhoon.

I'll call you Tina.

I love it.

The part where we're comfortable

in each other's silence.

Me meeting your friends.

You guys, Typhoon and I

were walking in the park

and he saw this long blade of grass

and said, green much?

I don't get it.

Oh my God.

Our first inside joke.

This has been the craziest

few minutes of my life.

Your gifts for bull

are so embarrassing and stupid.

You're making it do work.

It isn't work for bull

to have stuff in bull.

That's natural for bull.

What do you know

about bulls anyway?

I know I don't need one

on my head to breathe.

You think that's an insult,

but I think that shows

how much better suited

bull and I are for each other.

So we come from different worlds.

We could easily overcome that.

You know damn well

if bull could talk,

bull would choose me.

Why?

Because I'm hotter.

You want to make it personal?

Cyclops.

I'm proud of my heritage,

you sanctimonious fish head.

So am I?

Dumbass.

Idiot.

Double dumbass.

What are you doing?

No, no, no, no.

Why would you do that?

I'm a fool!

Kets.

Typhoonie?

Yes, Tina?

I know this started as

is a chemically induced mania,

but it feels so real.

Real life works the same way,

so it's in some ways

you could say very much a gray area

and there's essentially no difference.

You're totally right.

I love the way you think about things

and I love you.

Ty, will you marry me?

Oh, wow.

But, uh, of course,

knowing that the reason

you're feeling this way is...

Yeah, I'm a grown-up, Ty.

Are you going to say no?

No.

I mean, yes.

No, I'm not going to...

Yes, yes!

He said yes!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

It's a real wedding song.

This one is timeless.

Marriage.

The timeless tradition

where two parents,

who were disappointed

they had a daughter

in the first place,

hand her off to a man

in exchange for one to three goats.

Scott, we've decided

not to go traditional.

We wrote our own vows.

Tina, I love you.

I love you, too.

And it's real, the love.

I mean, we've agreed

it doesn't matter

that it's Cupid magic.

You know it is.

You decided to get hit by an arrow

and you're making this choice

freely as well, you said.

Yes!

Right, yes.

This has been gone over.

Everybody knows it.

And it's clear.

Just triple checking.

Those were my vows.

Great!

Now, do you two take each other

to be husband and wife?

I object!

I'm in love with you, Ty.

I was there when you were

trying to love trap the skank

and I ended up getting hit

by an arrow, too.

Okay, love trap is going a bit far.

And skank.

Right, right.

Helen's objection is fake

because it just came from an arrow.

So let's move on.

Okay.

I now pronounce you...

I object, too.

Object, I object, I object, I object, I object.

I'm sorry.

By law, I have to hear all objections.

Okay.

You with the bird.

Hi, Charlie.



I saw you guys having your picnic

and I got hit.

I love you so much, Ty.

Hi, uh, put me down for an objection, too.

You're all I think about, man.

I got it bad.

Oh, my God, these guys think

they're in love with you, too.

Oh, my God, these guys think

they're in love with you, too.

Okay, so, without further ado...

Actually, Scott, I object.

What?

Tina, I wanted you to fall in love

with me for real, but instead I took a shortcut.

And the truth is, I love you too much

to let you go through with this.

Wait, you're dumping me?

Yeah, yes, but I'll love you as long as you live.

You hear that?

The only thing standing between us and him is her!

k*ll Tina!

k*ll Tina!

k*ll Tina!

Okay, maybe not the best choice of words.

k*ll Tina!

k*ll Tina!

Hey, I didn't realize I was in the senior's race.

You're in my lane, old man.

Rob, you're in mine.

Oh, no, what have I become?

k*ll Tina!

k*ll Tina!

k*ll Tina!

k*ll Tina!

How did a lion fall in love with me?

k*ll Tina!

k*ll Tina!

Come on, what's this really gonna solve?

The problem of Tina being alive!

You're having someone who's not me!

k*ll Tina!

k*ll Tina!

Um...

Has it worn off for you too?

Yeah, it's just a bowl.

So those horrible things we said to each other...

I have an idea.

What if we don't dwell on that too much?

I would love that.

I heard a crash.

Everything all right?

Oh, what a shame.

I loved that bowl.

So did we, Colax.

So did we.

Okay.

Slug, you did it!

First place!

Yeah, I won, but I gotta tell you, I don't feel great.

I knew you were a b*stard.

You broke my leg!

Yeah, that's why I don't feel great.

Well, you shouldn't!

I don't!

I just said I don't!

My competitive side may be into a monster,

and I'm an actual monster.

So if I say that, I don't say it lightly.

Would you be upset if I didn't want to race anymore?

Darling, of course not.

I thought it was sexy when you liked winning,

but I don't have the patience to support a tortured man.

Maybe going sexless isn't for us.

That's a lesson you've learned?

Unbelievable!

You know they're gonna k*ll me, right?

I can't race anymore!

They're gonna k*ll me!

This is the worst way I can go!

Shall we go and ruin our sexless cabin?

Every ruin.

We should be safe in here.

This door was built specifically with angry mobs in mind.

So, maybe not in love with me anymore?

Nope.

The fear kicked it right out of me.

So you made sure you were the one I fell in love with because you want to date me?

Every word of that is accurate.

Even knowing it eventually wears off?

Sometimes it sticks.

I guess this is flattering.

Yes.

In a weird sort of gross way.

Well...

And I was looking for a story.

Do you think in the story you could make me...

not pathetic?

Who's buying that vase?

You know what though?

I get the appeal of this whole love thing now.

You do?

Yeah, conceptually.

But it kind of makes you dumb and it definitely causes more trouble than it's worth.

Yeah, that juice ain't worth the squeeze.

I am kind of curious now though about just dating.

Like without this stupid love stuff.

Maybe the next time I'm in town you can ask me to dinner instead of continually trying to

trick me into being with you.

Ask someone to dinner?

Huh.

Hey Tina, when this is all over would you maybe want to get dinner with me?

I said next time.

Yes, of course.

And I said maybe.

Yeah, I regretted it as soon as I asked.

I have good news.

Tina and I aren't happening.

So I'm here for you, my beautiful citizens.

Hi Charlie 25.

You know what?

It's starting to wear off.

Yeah, were you always this short?

I still love you, Ty!

You're not a person to me, Scott.

Whoa, whoa, easy there.

You got this.

Got what, Donna?

What do you mean?

You don't have to sugar cube it.

You're gonna k*ll me.

k*ll you?

I k*ll horses who can't run.

Horses maybe, but you're not a horse.

You're one thing more than just a horse.

Okay, fine, but I'm a racer, Donna.

A stampeder.

I don't even know what I am without that.

Then maybe it's time to find out.

Have you never thought about what you'd do if you weren't a stampeder?

Well, sure I have, but...

Tell me.

I wanted kids.

Never had the time for it.

I guess I spent so much time running.

Maybe I was...

Running away from yourself?

Close your eyes.

Picture it.

Your life.

As a father.

I can hear them clip clopping down the hall.

I've got so much living to do, Donna.

That's right, Menohorse.

Ooh, there's no cure for centaur flu.

Just make it quick.

I don't know how.

Did you get any of that?

I've got that.

Bento.