04x09 - Rockin' Richard / Misfortune Teller

[bunniefuu]

[Big band style music plays]

♪♪

♪ Doop-dah!

♪ Dooby-doo-wah!

♪ Doop-dah! Dooby-doo-wah! ♪

♪ Doo-boo doo-bah-bah dow!

♪ Dooby-doo-dah dah bah-dah-dah dee-bah ♪

♪ Dah-dah dee-bah-dee-bah dah-bee-dah ♪

♪ Bah-dee-dah dah-dah dah deedle-dah oh! ♪

♪ Oh yeah! Yeah!

♪ Dah-dah doo-yah dah-dah-dah dah-bah-dah-bah doh! ♪

[Thunder of stampeding feet]

Once you lick a lollipop it's yours.

Seriously, don't be gross.

♪♪

Vendor: it's the plant day expo!

Buy flowers for your flowers!

[Sniffing]

[Inhales deeply]

Vendor: oh no, stay away!

I'm not real wood! Agh! Agh! Agh!

Scaredy: richard, this year I am getting you

The perfect plant day present!

Plant toupees!

It's the gift that keeps being regifted!

Uh, that's not actually a good thing.

Looks like dirt, tastes like dirt,

But it's "I'm shocked it's not dirt!"

Your plant will eat it up!

Sorry, he just ate.

How's about some dancey corn?!

Cobs of corn that dance to music!

You love 'em, don't you?

Mmm... Not so much.

I know, they're awful.

Oh richard, if only you could talk,

This'd be so much easier!

Luigi: pssst! Hey, squirrel!

So you wanna talk to your plant, do ya's?

Well, lay your ears on this then.

[Whispered] the plant whisperer.

The what?

[Yelling] the plant whisperer!

How does it work?

Just hook da thing up to da thing,

Badda-bing badda-boom, and bam!

Well, it would be nice to know what richard's thinking.

Luigi: sold!

Wait, I'm the one that's supposed to say "sold!"

You just did.

Thanks!

Scaredy: oh, richard!

I can't wait to have a real conversation with you!

Testing... Testing...

Come in. Do you read me?

Dave: nuh-uh.

Reading leads to writing

And before you know it... [Farts]

You've learned something.

Scaredy: dave, richard's gonna talk to me.

Meh. Plants talk to me all the time.

Drive-thru attendant: welcome to burger oasis, can I take your order?

[Laughing] you're funny, mr. Magic tree!

Say something else!

That's when I learned that if you have money,

Trees will give you french fries.

Hello, richard? Helloooo?

[Mic feedback squeals and fizzles]

Richard: [gasps] my voice! My beautiful voice!

Sweet acorns!

Is that really you, richard?

Richard: indeed it is.

Beautiful, isn't it?

Scaredy: oh, richard, I have so many things to ask you!

Is your pot big enough?

Do you get enough sunlight

To convert carbon dioxide into oxygen

During photosynthesis?

Dave: does this rash look strange to you?

Richard: yes, yes, and good heavens!

Scaredy: most importantly,

What gift do you want for plant day?

I'll tell you, but it won't be easy to get.

Whatever it is, I'll get it!

Promise!

I want... I want to sing.

Scaredy and dave: sing?

Richard: yes. It's the only dream I've ever had.

To be a famous singer

And to record the greatest album ever made!

How about a bike?

Wait. You can sing?

Richard: let me put it this way.

[Operatic] ♪ aaaaaaaahhhhh...

[Thunder stops, storm clears]

[Babies stop crying]

[Angry yelling stops]

That was so beautiful, richard.

Richard: and that was just me yawning.

Wait until you hear my singing voice!

Well, if that's what you really want

Then, richard, we are gonna make you a star!

You will?!

Sure. I know all the in and outs of the music business

From when I made my rap album.

[Rapping] ♪ come on, safety squirrel

♪ Sa-sa-sa-safety squirrel!

Scaredy: we even shot a video!

[Rapping] ♪ walkin' down the street you gotta watch your feet ♪

♪ Makin' a sandwich better wash your hand-wich ♪

♪ Keeping you safe, every boy and girl, ♪

♪ Cuz I'm the...

Dave: ♪ sa-sa-sa-sa-safety squirrel!

♪ Sa-sa-sa-sa-safety squirrel! Yeah! ♪

Our album went double aluminum.

Trust me, richard, we'll get you a record deal.

Whenever you're ready, richard!

Richard: but what about an audience?

Sing it and they will come.

Richard: very well.

Key of e major minor, upbeat boogie-woogie.

Watch me for the changes.

Dave: and a five, six, five, six, nine, orange!

[They play a country tune]

Richard: ♪ oh, I fell in love with a tulip ♪

♪ When her two-lips kissed me

♪ I went crazy for a daisy

♪ Her looks just dazed me

♪ I rolled over for a clover

♪ And pined for a pine

♪ But when you're just a plant like me ♪

♪ True looooooove is haaaaaard to find ♪

[Cheering]

Oh, richard! You're the greatest!

The name is plantz. Richie plantz.

Agh! I'm gonna faint!

Catch me! Ow!

Seth: do you have an album?

Buck: who taught you to sing?

Gary: will you marry me?

Scaredy: see, richard? They love you!

Getting a record deal will be a cinch!

Richard: do you really think so?

Scaredy: according to my calculations,

With just a few more years of busking,

Seven or eights years of playing small venues,

And the right promotion and overseas tours,

You'll have a record contract in... 27 Years!

Buck: why don't you just audition for "balsa's next big star"?

The winner gets a recording contract!

"Balsa's next big star"?

Tell me more! Quickly!

Auditions are just down the road.

C'mon, richard! This is your lucky day!

Well then, on to my solo project.

I call this one "stinky-town."

A one, two, one, two, seven, orange!

[Farts loudly, crowd screams]

Mayor runswell: whenever you're ready, gary.

Gary: alrighty.

[Clearing throat] ahem.

Terrible!

That is worst voice I've ever heard!

But I was just clearing my throat.

Guy and mayor runswell: next!

[Bursts into tears]

Uh, hi. This is gonna sound crazy...

Guy: your voice is too whiny!

Mayor runswell: and your head is too big for your body!

If there was a toy version of you

It could never stand up.

Guy: ha! Like there'd ever be any merchandise

For scaredy squirrel!

Wait! I'm not the one auditioning!

Guy: then who is? The plant?

[Laughing]

Yes. His name is richard,

And he's a budding young talent!

Mayor runswell: ha! If that plant sings, I'll eat this table!

Richard: ♪ buh-buh-buh-baaaaaby

♪ Won't you be my baby

♪ Baby, baby, be my baby,

He sings like an angel...

Dipped in honey...

And sprinkled with awesome dust.

Mayor runswell: that's why it pains me so much to tell you...

That you're in the finals tomorrow night!

Scaredy: woo-hoo!

Richard: well, I could've told you that.

Squirrel! Take me home!

I need a mudbath and a pruning.

Uh, sure thing, richard.

Richard: richie! The name's richie!

Uh, mr. Mayor,

You don't actually have to eat the table.

Just get me some salsa!

Scaredy: that was amazing, richar...ie!

I wish the whole world could've seen that!

Dave: they can, scare!

The auditions have been uploaded to the internets!

Dave: see? It's already been viewed by one whole person!

Thanks, mom.

Richard: only one?

What in heavens are people watching,

Cat videos?

[Cat screeches]

[Laughing]

Don't worry, richie.

I'm sure tomorrow you'll have a few more fans.

G'night guys.

[Owl hoots]

[Rooster crows]

Morning, dave.

How many views are we at now?

[Yawning] twenty-four...

Scaredy: all right! That's a pretty good start.

Bazillion! What?!

[Knock on door]

Seth: is richie here?

Buck: can he sing at my bar mitzvah?

Gary: my arm is stuck in your mailbox. Ungh! Ungh!

Richard, you're famous!

Richard: of course I'm famous! I'm richie plantz!

Now water me!

Yes, sir, mr. Famous richie, sir!

Reporter: fans have camped out to get a glimpse of richie.

Sweet acorns! We're on the news!

Tell us,

What do you love most about richie?

He's just so... So... Aggghh!!!

Ow!

Tune in tonight

As richie plantz is poised to win

Balsa's next big star

And move on to mega-stardom.

Wow!

Looks like tonight your dream is gonna come true, richie.

Got your water, mr. Plantz, sir.

Fool! I drink sparkling water!

Sorry!

Richard, you should treat people with more respect!

Whatever, squirrel. Take a hike.

I need alone time to prepare for my big night!

♪ Me-me-me-me-meeeeeeee...

Mayor runswell: ladies and gentlemen, boars and squirrels,

Welcome to balsa's next big star!

[Cheering]

Mayor runswell: thank you! I wrote that myself.

Our first act tonight is... Somebody doing... Something.

Take it away, somebody!

I'm dedicating this to the little girl

Who smiled at me today.

[Belches loudly]

Scaredy: all right, richie.

I've got lemon water, honey,

And my own homemade super throat syrup!

Time to warm up that voice!

Richard: warm up?!

What do I look like, a bowl of soup?

Go get me more leaf wax, squirrel!

I've got to shine out there,

Right, girls?

[Dancy corns giggle]

What's happened to you, richard?

Ever since you got a little fame,

You've been acting like a bad seed.

I've grown, squirrel.

Deal.

Well, I can't watch you grow any longer!

From now on, you're on your own!

[Starts to cry]

Ungh!

Scaredy: the guy from the plant show?

What're you doing here?

Uh, I just came by to wish the little bambino good luck.

After all, I gave him his voice!

He'd be no one without me.

♪ Me, me, me, me, meeeeee ♪

Yeah, yeah, you gave richie his voice,

So I guess... [Realizing]

Wait a minute! You gave richie his voice!

Mayor runswell: and now, the act you've all been waiting for,

And will most definitely win...

Richie plantz and the plantations!

[Audience cheers wildly]

But I need to- I just wanna- [whimpers]

So, richie,

What are you going to sing for us tonight?

Well, bob,

It was a tough choice between...

"I fooled a squirrel,"

"My evil plans are nearly complete,"

And "I can't believe they haven't caught on yet."

I decided to go with my tear-jerking smash hit,

"There's a real face behind this plant."

I'm crying already.

Take it away.

Richard: ♪ buh-buh-buh-baaaaaby

♪ Won't you be my baby?

♪ Baby, be my baby

♪ Tooniiiiiggghht...

♪ Baby, baby, baby, baby

♪ Won't you be my baby?

I knew it!

Well, nobody uses my plant and gets away with it!

It's time to reveal balsa's next big scoundrel!

Luigi: ♪ when you see the real me- ♪

[Shocked gasps]

Mayor runswell: unbelievable!

Scaredy: people of balsa, you've been hoodwinked!

Richard's been leaf-syncing all along!

This is the real richie plantz!

[Shocked gasps]

Okay, it's true.

I am the real voice of richie.

But you still love me, right?

Mayor runswell: a singing plant

Is spectacularly amazingly awesome!

But a singing sweaty guy is...

Ugh! Yucky.

But wait till you hear some of my other songs!

♪ I like bananas and bananas like me... ♪

♪ We're a happy family... Hey! ♪

Mayor runswell: no! Stop! Cut! Cut! Cut to commerical!

C'mon, richard! Time to break out of showbiz!

[Splat] ehh!

Enough with the tomatoes already!

No more tomatoes!

Scaredy: well, richard,

I still haven't gotten you the perfect gift,

So how about this:

Peace and quiet in your favourite window.

Who needs the spotlight

When you can have the moonlight, right?

Good night, pal.

Real richard: good night, scaredy.

Did you just...?

Nah.

♪♪

Scaredy: [hums]

Scaredy, why aren't you working?!

Get stacking!

I'm waiting for dave.

He promised to help me today!

Stacking manoeuvres higher than 6.3 feet

Require a spotter,

Especially if handling a volatile item

Like projectile cheese.

Projectile cheese?

I've never heard of- [squawks]

Mmm! That's the stuff.

[Nervous chuckle]

And uh... Here's dave now.

Just get to work!

Sorry for being late.

I was just trying to help some guy

Stuck in a box over there.

Someone's stuck in a box?!

Emergency! Clear a path, people!

Emergency!

I'm with him!

I need a slightly wider path!

Dave: right here, scaredy. This guy.

Scaredy: [sighs] this is just a machine, dave.

"Hoo-tan the mystic, automated fortune teller?!"

Dave: wow! I wanna get my future told.

Scaredy: oh, these things are all phony!

Fortune comes from making good choices,

Working hard,

And brushing three times a day!

Meh. This is quicker.

[Whirring]

Hoo-tan sees all!

There will be change in your future!

That could mean anything!

[Whirs]

Hey! I got my quarter back!

Change was in my future!

That was just a coincidence.

Oh, yeah?

Why don't you give it a shot?

Fine. I suppose it couldn't hurt.

Hoo-tan sees all!

You will meet... A grizzly demise!

[Whimpers]

That sounds like it'll hurt a lot.

It could mean any number of things.

Dave: sure!

It could also mean, "you're done for, partner,"

Or "it's curtains for you,"

Or "you're out... Forever!"

Dave! Sorry.

It was a fluke. Just watch this.

Scaredy: buck! Wanna waste a quarter

Getting a fake, totally untrue,

Liar-pants-on-fire fortune?

Sold!

[Change clinks]

Your work will bring you great joy.

Mopping floors?!

Where's the joy in that?

See? What did I tell you?

Nestor: excuse me, buck?

Why haven't you finished mopping these floors?

I told you to- aaagggghhhhhhh!

[Laughing]

Joy overload! Joy overload!

This thing's a genius!

No way that'll happen again.

Hoo-tan: a fool and his money are soon parted.

Gary: what does that mean? I need more information.

I don't care how many quarters it takes!

Come on!

Hoo-tan: you are a very boring donkey.

Hatton: [cries]

Scaredy: now that's just mean.

Hoo-tan: you are will receive a gift.

Scaredy: that could be anything.

Hoo-tan: it will be half a pastrami sandwich

With carrots, onions, and peanut butter.

Hey, nestor, want the rest of my pastrami sandwich

With carrots, onions, and peanut butter?

[Inhales and gags]

Wow! Hoo-tan's on fire!

Then I'll just get a new fortune.

[Change clinks]

You already have your fortune.

You will meet a grizzly demise!

He can't just keep giving me the same fortune!

Here's a different one.

You will meet a grizzly demise here, today,

Before the end of your shift at the stash "n" hoard!

[Whimpers] can I have my old one back?

Hoo-tan: no!

This isn't over!

You're not the only fortune teller in town!

Wally: let us see what fortune the cards have in store for you.

Hmm...

What do they say?!

I gotta be honest,

I'm terrible at reading these things.

Got any idea what this means?

Aghhhhhhh!

What does my crystal ball reveal?

Is it something bad?

Mole: relax. Scaredy: phew!

But yes, no, it's very bad.

Sweet acorns!

Stylist: a grizzly demise is right.

These hang nails are atrocious as well!

Oh no! This is terrible!

Can you do my toes next?

There's no way around it, dave.

I gonna meet a grizzly demise

At the stash "n" hoard today.

Maybe you should just go somewhere else.

Of course!

Hoo-tan said I'd meet a grizzly demise

Before the end of my shift!

If I skedaddle, it won't come true!

Hoo-tan: don't count on it.

How did you get here?

Hoo-tan sees all!

Also, hoo-tan has an extension cord.

Scaredy: nothing dangerous ever happens in a library.

Oh, "casual cooking, pop up edition?"

Neat! Let's see, meat tenderizing-

[Yelps]

How about... Vegetable chopping?

[Knives ring, scaredy yelps louder]

How about... Flambe?

What's flambe-

[Flames roar, scaredy screams]

Librarian: shhhhhhhh.

Sorry.

Ah, a big empty field.

Nothing could happen to me here!

Golfer: fore!

Four? Four of what?

Agghhh! [Smack]

Golfers: foooooore!

[Screams]

Dave: hey, scare!

What are you doing back at the store?

It's just as bad out there, dave.

Everywhere I look is another grizzly demise.

How could you of all people get hurt?

You have a hit animated cartoon series

Named after you,

And your the safest person in balsa.

You're right!

I am retaking control of my destiny!

I'm gonna be so super duper safe

That nothing on earth will be able to hurt me!

Hoo-tan: oh yes it will.

Agh! Can someone unplug that thing?

You ready to get stackin', scaredy?

Sure am!

I'm ready to climb this ladder!

Er... Maybe a shorter one.

Shorter.

Shorter.

Perfect! Here goes nothing...

Yup, that sure was nothing.

Dave, it never hurts to be safe.

Uh, but...

Scaredy: agghhh! Whaaaaaaa!

This isn't as fun as it looks!

[Screaming]

Phew!

[Screaming] yowch!

That was way too close!

I'd like to see hoo-tan come up

With a grizzlier demise than that!

Sorry.

[Gasps]

Scaredy: check it out!

Sweetest body armor ever! Literally!

I'd like to see something hurt me now!

Not literally.

Ooh... You dare challenge hippumo,

The sumo champion of balsa?!

What?! No!

I wasn't even aware balsa had a sumo league.

Such insults!

Aie! Aghhhhhh!

I flop you!

[Screaming]

[Splat]

[Licks] mmm...

Grizzly-licious!

What now, scare?

[Shaking] it's no use, dave!

Danger is everywhere!

Just look at that stack of paper plates!

It's just waiting to fall over and paper-cut me to pieces!

Or a bag of popcorn could explode any second...

[expl*si*n]

And attract ravenous movie ushers!

[Screams]

Scaredy: or that rack of knives!

I could try to reach one and... I could stub my toe!

So what are you gonna do, scare?

You can't spend the rest of your shift

Hiding in a cardboard box.

Why? It's not so bad.

Maybe I'll make it if I stay out of sight.

Hoo-tan: hoo-tan sees all.

And that is the lamest thing he has seen in like... Forever.

Scaredy: I can't take it anymore!

I can't!

The only grizzly demise I'm gonna see is hoo-tan's!

Hoo-tan: hoo-tan did not see this coming.

Hoo-tan sees all.

Hoo-tan... Does not like the looks of this.

There! How's that for a grizzly demiiiiiise?!

Ewwwwwwww!

Who thought a trash compactor would be so filthy?

Hoo-tan: hoo-tan sees all.

Yeah, yeah, I get it.

[Rumbling]

[Yelps] what do we do?!

Hoo-tan: you will meet a grizzly demise!

As for me, hoo-tan's warranty covers all.

I never should've doubted you.

Hoo-tan: ungh! Hoo-tan. Ooh!

Scaredy: huh?

Grizzly demeeze: I believe I've found the clog.

Were you trapped in the trash compactor?!

I was.

I slipped and the walls were closing in!

It all started when I was-

Nestor: don't care! Your shifts over.

Go home!

Wait. My shift is over?

That means my fortune didn't come true!

Hoo-tan was wrong!

It sure is lucky the garbage guy came along.

Thank you so much!

What's your name, heroic stranger?

[French accent] the name is grizzly demeeze, at your service.

Grizzly demeeze?

You're name is grizzly demise?

Ouais! Oh, of course! Is something wrong?

[Relieved sigh] no, no.

It's a pleasure to finally meet you.

Good night, folks!

Dave: ♪ it's scaredy's safety corner

♪ Scaredy's in a corner and he's safe ♪

Today we're gonna talk about book safety.

When reading a pop-up book,

It's always best to take the proper precautions:

Goggles, helmet,

Water wings.

It's important to remember that pop-up books are the reason

You should never read over someone's shoulder.

Whatcha readin', scare-

Owwww! That hurt so mu- ungh!

[Pained groan]

I don't know who invented the pop-up book,

But I bet they're evil.

Pure evil.