01x28 - Dibble Sings Again

[bunniefuu]

[PIANO PLAYING]

TOP CAT:
Okay, Dibble, this is it!

[DIBBLE SINGING
"CAMPTOWN RACES"]

Hey! You joker at the piano,
move along!

-Hey, Mac, get them out of
there!
-Right, chief.

♪ Top Cat ♪

♪ The most effectual Top Cat ♪

♪ Who's intellectual close
friends get to call him T.C. ♪

♪ Providing it's with dignity ♪

♪ Top cat ♪

♪ The indisputable
leader of the g*ng ♪

♪ He's the boss, he's a pip
he's the championship ♪

♪ He's the most tip top ♪

♪ Top cat ♪

♪ Yes he's a chief
he's a king ♪

♪ But above everything ♪

♪ He's the most tip top ♪

♪ Top cat ♪

[DIBBLE SINGING
"CAMPTOWN RACES"]

[DIBBLE WAILING]

Boy, I feel good.

Maybe today will be
my lucky day.

Maybe I can sneak up on Top Cat
and catch him using my phone.

[LAUGHING]

Easy does it.
I gotta catch him in the act.

Oh, I go through this every day.

One day, I'm gonna make it.

And I got a feeling
that today is the day.

[TOP CAT SCATTING]

TOP CAT:
Let me have the soap, Chooch.

Good. He's still in the shower.
This is my big chance.

When Top Cat tries to use
the phone, I'll be right here
to grab him.

[LAUGHING]

Boy, will he be surprised.

TOP CAT:
Okay, Brain, turn off
the shower.

-Uh, which way do I turn it,
T.C.?
TOP CAT: Just turn it, will you?

Gee, what a grouch.

TOP CAT: The towel, Chooch.
-Here you are, T.C.

[TOP CAT HUMMING]

TOP CAT: My vest.
-Your vest.

TOP CAT: Ah, here hath been
dawning another new day...

...so let it not slip...

...uselessly away.

-What's next, Chooch?
-Your rubdown. You ready?

Yeah, as soon as I finish
my morning exercise.

Nothing like staying in
condition, you know. Here goes.

Oh, boy.

Very good,
T.C. Maybe you're ready
for two pushups a day, huh?

Never mind the wisecracks.
Just make with the rubdown.

Sure. I'm an expert masseur,
you know.

I may even open up my own
masseuring parlor someday.

If I can get a G.I. loan, or
something.

[TOP CAT MOANING IN PAIN]

There. How do you feel, T.C.?

Terrible. I don't know if
I've been rubbed down or rubbed
out.

-Want some more?
TOP CAT: No, thanks.
I don't wanna wear you out.

Besides, we're wasting
a beautiful morning.

I need a lucrative idea,
and fast.

Brain, what's on the
lucrative-idea agenda for today?

Uh, on the agenda for today
is, uh, uh..

Well--
TOP CAT: Oh, yeah,
the wishing-well bit.

Haven't tried
that one for weeks.

Okay, you guys, set it up.
I'll be down at the corner
later.

Right now, I-- What the...?

Hmm. I see Dibble
is trying to pull a fast one.

Well, far be it from me
to disappoint him.

TOP CAT [SHOUTING]:
Right now, I better
make a phone call!

[SNICKERING]

Hello, operator.
Give me long distance.

I got you, T.C.!

Kind of early in the morning...

...to be wrestling telephone
poles, isn't it, Officer Dibble?

Oh, shucks. I missed.

And I may never get another
chance like this again.

Dibble's getting a bit crafty
in his middle age.

I must rember to congratulate
him. But right now,
it's wishing-well time.

Nobody seems to be
tossing any coins today, T.C.

It'll pick up. Don't worry,
don't worry.

Uh, yeah, I guess there must be
plenty of well-wishers around.

Wow, look.
Here comes a real hot prospect.

TOP CAT: You're right,
Choo-Choo. Battle stations, men.

-Uh, I hope my wish comes true.
-I feel lucky already.

Uh, like, pardon me, sir,
but did you notice this, uh....

Huh?

You care to throw something
into the well, sir?

Oh, yes, of course.

[TOP CAT YELLS]

Okay, let's forget
the wishing well.

Yeah. It's nothing
but a firetrap anyway.

But somehow I gotta raise 50
bucks today to pay off Big Gus.

He's probably got his gorillas
out right now looking for me.

We'd help if we could,
T.C., but we're broke.

Then I gotta blow town
till I can get the dough.

Let me see if I'm all packed.
Champagne, pinup pictures, yup,
all set.

Say, T.C., by "gorilla"...

...do you mean a large
individual person
of great strength?

That's right. Why?

There's a gentleman out there
that answers that description...

...who's looking for something.

TOP CAT: Let's see
what he looks like, Choo-Choo.

Yikes! That must be him!

Tell him I've gone
to Madagascar.

Uh, not so fast, friend.
I'm looking for a gent
name of Top Cat.

I said I'm looking for
a gent name of Top Cat.

He's gone to Madagascar, sir.

GORILLA:
Oh.

-And when'll he be back?
-I don't know, I'll ask him.

When you coming back, Top Cat?

Just a joke, ha-ha-ha.

If you'll excuse me,
I was just leaving.

-Uh, duh, who are you?
-Me? Oh, I'm the plumber.

What's in the bag?

Oh, just the things
I take with me on the job.

GORILLA:
Oh.

This what you take on the job?
Uh, pinup pictures, uh,
champagne?

TOP CAT:
Well, we've got a strong union.

These initials on the suitcase,
"T.C."

-Ah! So you're the guy!
-Now, look, let's be reasonable.

I wonder what you'll
look like after surgery.

-I'll-- I'll get the money. I'll
get it.
-Uh, come on.

Let's go out to the street.
I'm sure it'll look like an
accident.

But Big Gus said I could pay
half now and half later.

Aw, shuckers.
You mean you've got the money?

-Well, I have to go the bank.
-Okay, you got one hour.

Either I pick up
the cash in an hour...

...or the city hospital
will be picking you up.

Well, uh-- Where will I meet
you?

Right here...

...under the lamppost.

-And you better have the dough.
-I'll have it, I'll have it!

-What time is it, Benny?
-10 minutes before 11, T.C.

Hello, Grand Central Station?
How far can I get for $1.60?

I don't care about direction,
it's distance I'm interested in.

-Uh, I hear someone coming, T.C.
-It can't be. I still have 10
minutes.

[HUMMING]

-Oh, it's Officer Dibble.
-Good morning, gentlemen.

Why, what's the matter with you,
T.C.? You really look beat-up.

Stick around.
You haven't seen anything yet.

-Oh, isn't it a lovely day?
-What's so lovely about it?

Why, it's payday, and I start
my vacation today too.

-Payday? Vacation?
-Yep, that's why I'm so happy.

[DIBBLE SINGING
"CAMPTOWN RACES"]

[DIBBLE WAILING]

Did you hear that voice, Fancy?

I did indeed. But what could
I say? He's carrying a club.

Magnifico.
That's the word for it.

Dibble, you could make
a fortune in television.

-Me? In television?
-Certainly.

Benny boy, get that TV chassis
we've been saving...

-...and let's see how he'd look.
-Right, T.C.

Gosh. Television.

TOP CAT: You are a natural.
BENNY: Here, T.C.

Thanks, Benny. Now, would
you just slip this on, sir?

We'll just try it on for size.

Ooh, ooh, ooh! Stand back, men.
The new star is dazzling.

As an agent, I say
you couldn't miss.

All that talent
and a 21-inch head besides.

I didn't know
you were an agent, Top Cat.

TOP CAT: Hold it. Hold it!
Let me just get the picture
a little clearer.

Oh, beautiful.

Yeah, but maybe you better
stay out of show business.

So you become rich and famous...

...surrounded by beautiful
starlets night and day,
but so what?

There are other things
much more important.

-There are?
-Certainly.

I could take your 50 bucks,
and by this time next week...

...you'd be a big star,
but would you be happy?

-Here's the money.
-No, I can't take it.

But you talked me into it.
Now, let me see.

-There's only 25. I said 50.
-That's all the cash I got.

The way they pay cops,
it's robbery.

But since I'll be rich
next week, I can pay
you the rest then.

-Well, okay.
-Now what do I do?

Nothing for now.
Just get lots of practice...

...don't sign nothing, and
keep in touch with the office.

Now, isn't that a
beautiful sight?

-Like, uh, lovely.
-Wonderful, wonderful.

GORILLA:
Yoo-hoo!

Uh, yoo-hoo!

-It's me.
CHOO-CHOO: King Kong is back.

I have returned.
Uh, so let's get started.

TOP CAT: Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute, hold it.

Uh, which way you wanna go,
north or south?

Wait, I got the 25 clams!

Uh, you mean you got the money?

Aw, shuckers.
That means I can't clobber you.

Sorry. I'm very big
on disarmament.

Oh, well. Maybe next week,
when I come back for the rest.

I'll see you then.

Like, uh, what was that?

BRAIN:
Uh, two points for the gorilla.

Boy, imagine what he would've
done if you didn't pay.

Sure hope you have the rest
of the money for next week,
Top Cat.

Well, Dibble's good for it.

BENNY: Yeah, but first you gotta
get him on television.

What's so hard about that?

BRAIN:
Hey, T.C.!

[PANTING]

You'd never guess.

You know what's happening
down the street?

Now, let me see, let me see.
There's a fire?

-Uh, how'd you know that?
-Oh, just a lucky guess.

It's a big one. Even the
television cameras are there.

-You coming?
-No, I don't think--

Television cameras? Hey,
hold it. This is it, gents.

Choo-Choo, you get that piano
out of the bowling alley.

-Check!
-Benny, you get hold of Dibble.

-Check!
-And, Brain, you get back
to that fire.

-Uh, check.
-Here. Use this when
you get there.

A fan? Uh, what do
I do with it?

Keep the fire going
till we get there.

Where's the audition gonna be?
And why do I have to hide in the
piano?

The unexpected, the spectacular.
That's show business,
Dibble, baby.

Now, when I knock,
you come up singing.

Okay, gents, let's go.
Mule train! Mule train!

[SIRENS WAILING]

[PLAYING PIANO]

TOP CAT:
Okay, Dibble, this is it.

[DIBBLE SINGING
"CAMPTOWN RACES"]

Hey, you joker at the piano,
move along!

-Hey, Mac, get them out of
there!
-Right, chief.

Boy, what a way
to start a vacation.

I still don't understand
why I had to sing at a burning
building.

That's show business, sweetie.
Entertain the boys in uniform.

-What boys in uniform?
-The firemen, the firemen.

Oh, T.C., what are we
waiting around for?

The late papers.
I wanna catch our reviews.

BOY:
Extra, extra! Get your paper!

Aha! Here we are.

Read all about it!

In just one second, Dibble,
we'll see how big a star
I've made you.

Extra, extra!
All the latest news!

What did I tell you? What did I
tell you? We made the headlines.

You read the glad tidings
for us, Fancy.

This momentous occasion
calls for your eloquent diction.

Glad to, T.C.

"TV cameras were at the fire...

...but unfortunately...

...a falling ember
burned the cable...

...and no picture
went out on the air."

You mean after all that,
we still didn't get on TV?

Relax, Dibble, relax.

That fire was all part of my
master plan for your career.

So, what do I do next,
a guest shot at a tornado?

Nope. How would you like to be
on the #Peeping Camera# show?

The #Peeping Camera# show?
Great. How do we work it?

Now, I got a tip.
They planted a camera in a...

...mailbox
at Broadway and 42nd.

-I better get right down there.
-Oh, Dibble, one thing.

You better put your clothes on.
It's a family show.

TOP CAT:
Okay, we're all set.

-You nervous, kid?
-Yeah, a little.

Forget it. Now, you just get out
there and knock them dead, baby.

Howdy, all you friends
out there in TV land.

It's your old friend
Dibble here.

Say, did you hear the story
about the three holes in the
ground?

Well, well, well. Get it?

[LAUGHING]

Keep those postcards
coming, folks.

Do you recognize this celebrity?

[AS EDWARD G. ROBINSON]
Now, I'm in charge, see?

And when I say go, see?

And I want you mugs
to know that, see?

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Now, here's another.

[AS JAMES CAGNEY]
All right, you guys.
You dirty rats, listen to me.

You dirty rats, you guys.

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Uh, now for our song.

Let's stroll down melody lane...

...reaching into our memory
chest of favorites...

...old and new.

[SINGING
"CAMPTOWN RACES"]

[STUTTERING]

Dibble!

This is disgraceful!
You get extra duty for this!

But, sarge, there's a TV camera
in the mailbox and, well...

...I've always wanted--

If people don't start writing,
I'll be out of a job.

Empty again.

Empty? And all this time
I've been--

T.C. Where's that T.C.?

Gosh, T.C., that Dibble's
gonna chase you forever.

So I'll get him on television,
and everything'll be hunky-dory.

-But what can he do on TV?
-He'll be a singing star.

A singing star? But he can't
keep a tune, doesn't know music
and sings awful.

That's all it takes.
But this time I'll go right to
the top...

...the head of the network
program department.

Gee, a big shot like that.
Will he see you?

Silly boy.

Alright, look alive, everyone.
The boss is here.

Oh, I see my flowers came.
What time is the program
meeting?

-It just started, but--
TOP CAT: Promptness, that's what
I like.

-How long you been with us now?
-Three months, but--

Take a few dollars from petty
cash and buy yourself a hat.

And remember,
we don't wanna be disturbed.

[CLEARING THROAT]

Well, I believe everyone's here,
so we might as well get started.

Sorry I'm late, gentlemen.
I was detained upstairs by
the chief.

Oh, and who--?

Finishing an efficiency survey
on which executives get bonuses.

-Well, well, won't you have
a chair?
-Have mine, it's warm.

Take mine. You busy for lunch?

We were just going to preview
highlights of all our new
programs.

TOP CAT:
Fine. Proceed.

Now, this first one is a show
where the hero swims
underwater...

-...in a frogman suit.
-What's so different about that?

In this one, the hero
is a real frog.

TOP CAT:
Oh! Brilliant. Brilliant!
Pencil it in.

Next, a new Western.

Actually, it's an Eastern.
It's about pioneers heading
back east...

...after they chickened out
from a covered wagon train.

We call it #Yellowbelly.

TOP CAT: A blockbuster.
An absolute blockbuster.

But our audience survey
showed...

...that the public is hungering
for a really big show...

-...especially a musical show.
-Music, huh?

Top names: Crosby, Sinatra,
Como, Dibble, that sort.

-Uh, uh, Dibble?
-Best of the lot.

But no point discussing it,
you'd never get him.

-Not Dibble.
-I don't think I remember him.

Let's not even talk about him.
Fat chance of landing a star
like Dibble.

[LAUGHING]

It's a shame.

What the chief wouldn't give
to anyone who could sign Dibble.

EXECUTIVE 1: He would?
-Yeah, but back to earth.

The new shows sound great,
even if we can't get Dibble.

Gentlemen, I just had
a great idea for a show...

...but there's just one thing,
we've got to get Dibble.

RECEPTIONIST:
Morris Williams Agency.

I'm sorry. There's no Dibble
registered in Palm Beach.

No, they haven't been able to
locate Mr. Dibble at Lindy's.

No, he's not in Paris.

[PHONE RINGING]

Sorry, the bartender in Hurley's
hasn't seen him.

How are things going, doll?

No, there's no Dibble
registered at Grossinger's.

I'm Dibble's manager.
Any messages for him?

I can't find--
You're Dibble's manager?

-The Dibble?
-Did someone say, "Dibble's
manager"?

Those are the conditions,
gentlemen, under which
Dibble will sing.

No rehearsal, no bother.
He shows up at air time
and goes on.

And it has to be this week.

Well, we could dump the
president's press conference
Thursday night.

Fine, fine. You're making
television history, gentlemen.

I salute you.

And you'll have the money there
just before he goes on.

Well, it's a bit irregular, yes.
Stage seven, tomorrow night.

Fine. Until tomorrow, then.

You sure you told Dibble
the right place, Benny?

Yep. He'll be here any minute.

And he says he forgives you
for that mailbox bit.

Well, I hope he hurries.
He goes on the air in five
minutes.

Pardon me, I wonder
if you gentlemen would...

...stay just on the other side
of that doorway?

We're sh**ting a scene here
for #The Unattachables.

BENNY: Yeah, sure.
-It's going to be all sorts of
g*ns...

...and b*ll*ts and knives.
It won't bother you, will it?

Not a bit. Just blaze away.

There'll be big, noisy,
nasty old machine g*ns too.

-You sure you won't be scared?
-Won't bother us at all.

Isn't it wonderful?

I can't imagine you won't be
frightened,
because I always am.

I wonder why they got a guy
like that for a director.

Well, they probably wanted
the k*ller type.

Hey, there's Dibble!
What took you so long?

I was at the rental place.
This suit just got back
from a wedding.

I'll tell them you're here.
Keep an eye on him, Benny.

Check.

This is a take.
Camera, action. Roll them!

[g*nf*re]

[SIRENS WAILING]

Hey! What's going on?

[BRAKES SCREECH
AND CARS CRASH]

They got me.

I'll be late for dinner
tonight...

...Mom.

-It's a hijack.
BENNY: Yeah, I guess so.

-I gotta break it up.
-Hey! Don't go out there.

I must.
When duty calls, Dibble answers.

Alright, you guys, stop.
Stop in the name of the law!

You're all under arrest.
You with the barrel, drop it.

-You mean me, sir?
DIBBLE: Yeah, you. Drop it!

Yes, sir.

All set, Benny boy. Where's
Dibble?

-Here he comes now, I think.
-I don't see him.

Yikes!

[LOUD CRASH]

TOP CAT: Oh, come on now,
Dibble. This is no time
to play games.

This is your big chance.
Get up, Dibble, you gotta sing!

Sorry, T.C.

Officer Dibble won't be singing
for the rest of the doo-dah day.

Take it easy, Choo-Choo.

The old bones
have taken a lot this week.

-Here comes Dibble, T.C.
-Not in a barrel, I hope.

So, Dibble, baby, how are you?
You look wonderful.

And while you're here,
I might as well collect...

...the ridiculously small
weekly fee, my 25.

I'm sorry I couldn't
be on your show, T.C.

The 25.

But that knock on the head
brought me to my senses.

I realize now
that I'm not a singer.

What's the difference?

When I thought that TV scene
was a real robbery...

...I had to step in, which
proves I'm just a cop at heart.

I'll stay where I belong.
It's better for me.

-But it ain't better for me.
-My mind is made up.

I'm retiring from show biz.

So long.

I think I better
do a little retiring myself.

Oh, what's the use?

I'll take the 25 clams.

Yeah, well, I, um--
I don't have the money with me.

Uh, you're just saying that
to make me feel good.

But I'm sure we can
work this out.

Now, um, how much time do I
have?

How much time do you have?

Uh, well, sir, that's something
none of us ever really know.

-Uh, shall we get started?
-Uh, just a minute, sir.

Um, let's step around the corner
by that old TV chassis.

-There's more room.
-Uh, good idea.

You calling the police,
Choo-Choo?

No, his dentist.
He's gonna need an appointment.

I don't hear anything.

Oh, he's so brave. Not a
whimper. Right till the end.

I guess it's too late
for the dentist.

Maybe we should just notify
his next of kin.

Hey, look at that!

So you pay Big Gus the 25...

...and we'll call that
my first week's retainer fee.

Gee, imagine me
on television. Gosh.

Television? But what can he do?

Do? He'll have his own show.
I found out at the network...

...you just have to be able
to do three things to be a
headliner.

And he's perfect
in all three of them.

Demonstrate, please.

I can ride a horse,
and I can pet a dog, and, uh..

Uh, oh, yeah!

I can hold my breath underwater.

Gentlemen, oh, you lucky,
lucky ones.

You have just seen
the birth of a star.

I can ride a horse, pet a dog...

...and, uh, hold my breath
underwater. I can ride a dog...

...pet my breath
and hold a horse underwater.

I can ride the water, dogs a
breath...

...horse the pet and ride the
water under the horse's pet dog.

I can....

♪ Top Cat ♪

♪ The most effectual Top Cat ♪

♪ Who's intellectual close
friends get to call him T.C. ♪

♪ Providing it's with dignity ♪

♪ Top cat ♪

♪ The indisputable
leader of the g*ng ♪

♪ He's the boss, he's a pip
he's the championship ♪

♪ He's the most tip top ♪

♪ Top cat ♪

♪ Yes he's a chief
he's a king ♪

♪ But above everything ♪

♪ He's the most tip top ♪

♪ Top cat ♪