01x11 - Bring Me the Head of Earthworm Jim

[bunniefuu]

We join our mighty heroes trapped in

disgusting, gooey cocoons.

With the power of your suit, I

will conquer the universe.

Oh, great queen, pulsating, bloated,

festering, sweaty, puss-filled, malformed

sl*t for a buttI don't think it's

gonna fit you. Are you saying I'm

fat?

I'll make it fit.

Now destroy those

filthy heroes.

I feel strange, Jim. Me too.

Something funny is going on inside this

cocoon. Funny weird, I mean, not funny

haha.

Freak show, man! And yet

somehow, groovy.

Eat dirt. Everyone in the facility.

Once again, villainy is rotting meat

before the maggots of justice.

Thanks for jamming that delightful image

into my brain, Peter. Man,

this suit really chafes my wings. But

this butterfly thing should wear off

soon. Ohh I hope not, Jim. For

the first time in my life, I feel

pretty.

Earthworm Jim. The soil he did crawl.

Earthworm Jim. A super, super fall. Jim

was just a dirt eating chewy length of

worm flesh. But all that came to a crash

again. Earthworm Jim. He's such

a groovy guy. Earthworm Jim. He rockets

through the sky. Grooves through the

universe, having lots of fun. Here comes

Earthworm Jim. You know that he's a

mighty one.

Despite his great big muscles And his

really big gray g*n Jim is still an

earthworm But then he's the only one With

a super suit to make him really super

strong Jim can be a winner if we only

sing along All right Earthworm Jim We

think he's mighty fine Earthworm Jim A

hero for all time Earthworm,

earthworm, earthworm, earthworm Jim Hooray

Go, groovy!

We go now to the large hall of the

Fraternal Order of Space Villains, where

Psychro and Professor Monkey for a head

engage in a little friendly shop talk.

The worst thing is when people ask

villainy advice. You know, how do I steal

this?How do I utterly destroy that?Hey,

hey I'm off duty, pal!

No, no, the worst is the henchmen.

Oh, yeah, the henchmen. Don't talk about

henchmen there. No, it is

impossible to find good henchmen these

days. Of course, I did not mean you.

But you know, Prof, the evil dark

victories make it all worthwhile. Like

when we defeated the mighty Ultra Walrus,

or when we defeated the

heroic Captain Giraffe, or when we

defeated...

That was quite a triumph. I remember it

as if it were yesterday, yesterday,

yesterday. It was yesterday.

I am setting up a flashback.

Yesterday. Yesterday.

But you know, Prof, the evil dark

victories make it all worthwhile. Like

when we defeated the mighty Ultra Walrus.

Or when we defeated the heroic Captain

Giraffe. Or of course,

when we defeated Earthworm

Jim! Dang it! We haven't defeated him

yet. You are responsible for that worm,

you know. You were supposed to take that

suit to the queen, but no. You have to go

and lose it! Hey, hey, hey, you're the

one who built the suit in the first

place. Yellow belly! Know it all! Bubble

head! Monkey fancier! You relieved my

monkey out of this! Hey, hey, whoa, hang

on, hang on. Big idea form in here.

Couldn't you build another suit?

Well, I could, but the suit's power comes

from the battery of the gods, and I only

had one. I tried to get another, and the

gods turned me into a bread

maker. You're not a bread maker. Oh, yeah?

Check it out.

Actually, it's kind of handy. If I twist

the monkey's tail, I can make

pumpernickel. Yeah,

but the point is, without one of those

batteries, any suit I built would be, you

know, pretty weak. Then

build a weak suit. I got

me a plan. Meanwhile,

Earthworm Jim is embroiled in a crisis of

epic proportions. I

slept on my head funny again, and I've

got a hot date with Princess

what's-her-name. You're just going for a

pizza, Jim. I'd hardly call it a date.

By the way, you don't have facial hair. I

know that! You think I don't know that?I

just want everything to be perfect! And

I've only got 36 hours to get ready!

By the great worm spirit, who spears some

bread, furkisses the legends of evil,

must make reservations!

Interstellar Operator, give me that hip

new restaurant on the Aldebaran 5, the

Aldebaranquin. No, to adjust the

stink, Ray. What do

you mean you won't take my reservation?Of

course I'm really the king of Spain. Yes,

I can prove it. Soy el

re de esponja. Um,

Jim, you just told him you're the king of

sponge.

Horizon! Something

smells like rehistoric

cheese! Oh

my sod!

That's me! Say, uh, big fella, when's the

last time you had that suit cleaned?Let's

see. Approximately...

Never. What's your point?

Dry cleaners! How convenient!

Doesn't it look kind of, oh, odd?

Not at all. This style is popular with

young postmodern architects. Spaceship

Moderne, they call it. Very cutting

edge.

Oh, partner.

Yee-haw. That suit, oh,

yawn, smells like a

polecat it do. I reckon

I could clean it for you all, partner.

Head lice. Clean and

press, please. And be quick about it, my

parasite-laden fellow.

Smells as fresh and clean as a country

road. Obviously, you've never been in the

country. Does the term horse apples mean

anything to you?You

have fallen for a little trap. This

is your super suit.

What you're wearing is nothing but a

wheat duplicate.

Eat dirt! Nefarious! Whoa.

Well, Fuzzbuddy, it looks like... Please

don't say we've been taken to the

cleaners. We've been... Uh, well,

never mind then.

On the distant planet Heck, Evil the Cat

is preparing to destroy the universe.

Oh. Sorry, my mistake. He's just watching

TV.

Everyone should, you know, like,

save the rainforests and stuff.

And sorry, got to keep it moving. Thank

you. The fools. An entire

planet watching them. And they use it for

nothing but their puny pet

causes. With that

much power, think of the

evil I could do.

Let chaos reign! Demolish the

cities! Destroy the world!

Say, now there's a fresh idea.

Yes, I shall go to Hollywood and

become a movie star.

Give me the Cary Grant special, please.

Excellent.

And the award for Best Supporting Animal

goes to... Emil T.

Cat!

Uh, I, uh..

Anona. had a speech

all written up. It's here

somewhere. Oh, yes.

Destroy! Sorry, gotta keep it moving.

Thank you.

Well, that's so good. And

now, back to Earthworm Jim.

Our hero, wearing a weak duplicate of his

super suit, is about to be destroyed by

Psychro, who wears the real suit. I must

not fear. Fear's the mind k*ller. Fears

the little death that brings total

oblivion. I must not fear. Fears the mind

k*ller. Fears the little death that

brings total oblivion. You know, that's

really starting to get on my nerves,

little buddy.

This time it is you who will eat

that cat.

Whoa.

Leaping out of the way isn't as easy as

it used to be. That

is because you now have only the strength

of an ordinary person.

Correction. An ordinary, really big

person. Now time to

flee.

Oh, no. That's a cheap

shot. Hey, let's

play campfire. You could be the weenie.

Get this thing off of me. Get him off.

Hey, Peter, up here.

What?After them. Forget

it. I got to hose you off. That worm's no

threat without the suit anyway. Now, come

on. It's time to...

the universe!

Oh, man. This suit smells like something

dying in it. Later, in Jim's

secret HQ, our bold hero conceives a

plan to defeat the villains. I must have

superpowers. Luckily, these

reference materials have shown me how to

get them. Jim, those are my comic books.

So, are you suggesting they are less than

completely factual?No, I just don't

want you to wreck them. And so

Jim tries every way of getting

superpowers he can find in the comic

books. He tries getting trapped in the

core of a nuclear reactor.

So can you sh**t energy bolts from your

eyes now?No, but I got a nasty

rash on my head. And check this out.

Neat. Oh. He

tries getting bitten by a radioactive

flee.

Now, I should have incredible leaping

powers.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! This

mutation stinks.

Groovy! Meanwhile, the Professor and

Psychro prepare to conquer the universe.

You know, we always say we will conquer

the universe when we get the suit. But

now that we have it, how the heck do you

conquer a big thing like that?

Simple. Go to where the rulers of the

universe hang out, and then

start blasting away like a lunatic.

And where might that be?

Elementary, my dear. What's it?That hip

new restaurant, the Al de Barranquet.

No, it's not your turn to wear the soat.

In a last-ditch effort to gain

superpowers, Jim flies into the heart of

a terrible cosmic storm. Um,

Jim, remember how I told you the amazing

cosmic weasel got his powers by flying

into a cosmic storm?Well,

you know, it's such a funny thing. The

cosmic storm was actually where he met

his horrible, flesh-searing doom. Isn't

that funny?

We rejoin our heroes as they are pulled

inexorably into the cosmic storm.

But due to something of chance, they are

not destroyed. Rather, they are

transformed into the Worm Wonder and

the Dog of Destiny. Are we mighty

or are we mighty?Come, Dog

of Destiny, let us save the universe.

You got it, Worm Wonder. But

our heroes are oppositely charged and the

handshake instantly dissipates their

powers.

Well, easy come, easy go. At least we

didn't get hurt.

Back at his secret HQ, Jim has one

final desperate idea. I know

we'll get help from the

audience. I'll get superpowers

if you all just believe,

believe and clap very hard.

Well. Are they clamping?A

few of them. Most of them are just

changing the channel. That's it, then.

We've lost. I'm worthless

without my super suit. I'm nothing

but a vast, quivering mound of

festering-up junk!

Ditch the defeatist talk, big fella. You

can do anything you set your mind to.

True heroism comes from within.

You mean... I can beat the bad guys

without any superpowers if I just have

faith in myself?Nah, that was just some

junk I got off a greeting card. They're

gonna win for sure. That's it!

I have a cunning plan, fuzz buddy! I

am going to... let them win!

Uh-huhNot quite as cunning as one might

hope, is it?

So sorry, we have no reservation for a

Professor Monkey for a head or a...

Psychro.

Why'd you say so, right?This way.

OK, rulers of the universe,

put us in charge or I'll destroy the

universe with my incredible power. Of

course you can prove this power of yours.

This is the universe.

His power surpasses belief. We must

surrender at once. Next self

pass.

What could you do to stop us?

Nothing. I have come to offer a trade.

My freedom for the freedom of the

universe. Interesting proposition. Of

course, we could destroy you and rule

the universe. Good point. You're

going to be like that. Sick 'em, snot!

Horses! We forgot that miserable blob

that lives in his backpock. Give me that.

It was my turn to wear the suit anyway.

Face your doom,

spineless worm thingy. Was that

supposed to be an insult?I really don't

have a spine, you know.

You're going to be just another trophy on

the wall, worm. Hey, is there a

taxidermist in the house?

I'm a taxidermist.

Stuff this worm's head and mount it on

a plaque. Ah, yes, that was quite a

victory. And now we rule the universe

with the power of the suit.

Okay, I got it figured out. You get the

suit Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and I

get it Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.

Oh, really?Who gets it Sunday?Uh, it

was my plan, so... Pardon

me, but I need it this Sunday. My

folks are in town. No way! Sunday, I'm

wearing it to the big dance. They tell

you how to shut up. You don't get to wear

it at all, Jim, for brains. You cannot

talk to my monkey like that!

Back in the suit and ready to rock!

Let me introduce your taxidermist,

Peter Puppy! He's

gonna squish us up something fierce,

ain't he?Apso stinkin' dookley. Eat,

dirt, nefarious suit

thieves!

need any help, Jim?No thanks, Fuzzbuddy.

I'm just having a quiet little moment,

enjoying once more being...

Earthworm Jim, the galaxy's mightiest

invertebrate. Later, Jim

and Princess what's-her-name are on their

date at last. Nice of the rulers of

the universe to let us use their table, eh

I think our date is going quite well,

don't you, my delicately embroidered

hanky of bliss?

Why do you keep calling this a date?

My ambrosial pound cake of delight makes

a merry chest. Mm-hmm

Fine. You call it a date. I'll call it

eating.

Why is this place so popular anyway?This

pizza stinks, but c*ck aren't even

crunchy. Yes, but the decor is

mild. It

could be worse.

He says you're right.