02x09 - Wizard of Ooze

[bunniefuu]

We join our heroes. You can see for

yourselves awful danger, blah, blah,

blah. Ah, narrator's too good for our

predictable story structure, ehGetting

hisself a tude.

Hello?I'm going to destroy you

here, remember?Oh, sorry. I

scared. I frightened.

I I frightened. Earthworm

Jim, my new Doom device shall destroy

you utterly. Tell me, old

fiendish queen, pulsating, bloated,

festering, sweaty, pus-filled, malformed

slug for a buttWhat does it do?

Uh.. not exactly sure.

Professor Monkey for a head made it for

my birthday. It's a surprise! Well, I

hope it's better than his last Doom

device. Heartbreak of psoriasis, Ray.

Indeed. I need a

real challenge this time! A

challenge! Bless you!

Color meet challenge.

Peter, I have a feeling we're not in

Turlock anymore. Well, duh

Earthworm Jim. The soil he did crawl.

Earthworm Jim. A super suit did fall. Jim

was just a dirt eating chewy lengths of

worm flesh. But all that came to a crash

again. Earthworm Jim. He's

such a groovy guy. Earthworm Jim. He

rockets through the sky, cruising through

the universe, having lots of fun. Here

comes Earthworm Jim. You know that he's a

mighty one.

Despite his great big muscles And his

really big gray g*n Jim is still an

earthworm but then he's the only one With

a super suit to make him really super

strong Jim can be a winner if we only

sing about right Earthworm Jim We think

he's mighty fine Earthworm Jim A hero

for all time Earthworm, earthworm,

earthworm, earthworm Jim Oh, great

for Jim

Go, groovy!

We rejoin our heroes exactly where they

were just a minute ago. Thank you so much

for paying attention.

Luke?

I will never get the hang of that bubble.

The steering's all messed up on those

older models. Princess, what's her name?

Oh, it's good to see you, my ghostly

hitchhiker of delectation. Oh, no,

actually, I'm Gilda, the good Princess of

the Northwest. Who are you guys?

ah OK, how come

she doesn't recognize us?OK, Fuzz Buddy,

I think that weapon of the Queens has

sent us to an alternate universe.

Again?I still haven't gotten over the

rash from last time. No, an

alternate universe. Oh,

I thought you said cat show. Well,

whoever you are. Thank you for

destroying the wicked Bleveridge of the

Southeast! Well, this is a...

high ya do. Welcome to the Land

of Ooze. The wicked

queen of the Southwest.

All right, who dropped the house on my

best friend?He did it! Are

you forgetting the sapphire toe

socks?Sapphire

toe socks?

ohh My podiatrist is going to have a

feel over this one. So,

you have the sapphire toe socks.

I do?Shoe model pose, shoe model

pose. I'll get you my thingy.

And your little sidekick toe.

ohh We want to thank you for getting rid

of the wicked bleverage. Hey, are you

guys munchkins?I'll tell you what,

try calling me a munchkin and see what

happens to your face. Rain check on that

one, Pilgrim. Jim, we have to get back to

our universe and defeat the real queen.

That's a 10 on the right meter, fuzz

buddy. If you want to get home,

you'll need help from the Wizard of Ooze.

He's in the minty fresh city. To

find it,Just follow the Flat

Critter Road. Follow the

Flat Critter Road.

Follow the Flat Critter Road.

Golly, road k*ll. Well,

we're not dead. We just like

being walked on. Yeah, it's

real good for the spine.

We're gonna see the wizard We're gonna

see the wizardHey, watch out

for... the backdrop!

Later on another soundstage.

Which way should we go?How will we ever

decide?What, you couldn't just

ask a person?Astonished gasp!

That Jockiller fiberglass mascot spoke!

Oh ohh yeah, like that's the weirdest

thing we've seen today.

Hello. I am Wolf's fat lad,

and I am miserably depressed. Why

is that jocular talking fiberglass mascot?

Well, I'm supposed to attract customers,

but they're all scared off by my bad

teeth. Oh, if only I had me

some floss. Say,

I bet the Wizard of Ooze could give you

some floss. We're going to see him now.

What the?Why, could I come with y'all?

Sure, but I should warn you, the

Wicked Queen is probably going to attack

us from time to time. Like now!

Prepare to experience. Suckage most

follow!

When we left our heroes, forget it, it

doesn't really make much sense anyway, I

hate parodies. I must not fear. Fear is

the mind k*ller. Fear is the little death

that brings total oblivion. I must not

fear... Hey, what's the matter with your

little friend?Well, he had a bad

experience with a vacuum cleaner once

and... Well, what happened?He gained

intelligence. Good thing that

never happened to me.

Eat dirt big, nasty, pointy-headed,

dust-fewing nefarious!

Ohh What can I say?I

like putting things in my mouth. Quick,

fat lad, show her your teeth!Excuse me,

Mr. Lady.

Good work, pet lad. Thank

you. Now, let's

go see the Wizard of Ooze.

We're gonna see the wizard We're gonna

see the wizard

Later, our heroes skip through the woods,

which you may have noticed since you can

actually see them. Hey,

what's that?Oi-ah!

Oi-ah!

Moilfan?You know,

I'm also a fan of... I think he's saying

oil can. No, I

was saying lotion. Oil is a bit harsh on

my tin. Lotion it is, pal.

Who are you anyway?I am the Tin

Reaper. About a year ago, I was going

about my business when a storm rusted me

solid. Oh, what

exactly is your business?Sending

souls on their journey to the

Maul of the Dead.

The Mall of the Dead?The Mall

of the Dead is a better place where

deceased souls enjoy free frozen

yogurt. And there are always good movies

at the multiplex.

Sweet. But despite the

humanitarian nature of my work, I get

depressed. I

see you want a heart, right?

No, I want some of that frozen yogurt.

Everyone but me gets it! Hey,

I bet the Wizard of Ooze could give you

frozen yogurt. Come on! We're gonna

see the wizard! We're gonna see thewizard!

Now just make up your own line here. It's

gotta be better than what's in the

script. I mean, really. Where are we

anyway?These are the

Hollywoods. The

Hollywoods?Then we could run into

actors and agents and grips. Oh

my. Actors and agents and

grips. Oh my. Actors and agents and

grips. Oh my. Actors and agents and

grips. I am

the brave hamster. I'm

guessing that you A are depressed and B

want something. You bet I'm

depressed. I am a brave

hamster. Hamsters are supposed to be

meek and cowardly. And what's

worse is, I'm so brave,

I can't resist blowing myself into

incredible danger! And that's very

bad for my health. Look, a

big truck!

See what I mean?All I want is a

reasonable dose of fear. Come with us to

see the Wizard of Ooze. He'll put the

fear in ya. We're gonna see the Wizard!

We're gonna see the Wizard!

This time we have outsmarted you, my

cunningly painted backdrop friend.

Anyone mind if I skip the transitional

speech?Sure, I don't blame you. Blah,

blah, blah. Always the same. You said it,

sister. Oh, evil

whackie! Go kick some

heroic butt Oh, your wish is my

contractual obligation, oh, wicked

queenie. Go now! Fly!

Fly!

Flap! Flap, Joe! Flap! Flap!

Soon the sapphire toe socks

will be mine! Of

course, the most horrific thing about

being the narrator is the degrading

pooler girl outfit they make me wear.

There it is, the minty fresh

city!

Shortcut.

No! Stay on the road! The

poppies are dangerous. How can

poppies be dangerous?

They're dangerous if you feed the monster

juice! Oh, yeah, monster juice. I used

to drink that in college. We are

doomed. Doomed, I tell you. Doomed

from the Middle English, meaning

condemned to ruination or death. Doomed.

All right, Marty. Marty, listen. You're

my agent. You have to get me off this

show now. Reaper, you take care of

Professor Flying Monkey for a head. We'll

deal with those puppies. Did you say

puppies?Puppies. Oh, now

one commands the 10 Reaper.

OK.

I challenge you to a game of chess.

Oh, man, I hate when this happens. All

right, union rules say I must accept your

challenge. Come on, what do you want,

white and black?

Uh, what do the little horsey guys do?

Beats me. What the heck with it?Let's

just toss a coin.

Pull it in the air. Toss that

coin, me and my big mouth. Ooh,

frozen yogurt.

How's it coming with the puppies?Puppies?

Hoppies. There's just too many of 'em.

Let us help. We like you guys. You

walked on us real good. We are a

simple folk, but fiercely loyal.

No offense, but what can you guys do?

We have razor-sharp edges.

Ha, I gotcha. Guys. Let's play

Frisbee.

Come, stunts, Chuckies. The minty

fresh city. Minty

fresh city. It's so beautiful.

And so sweet-smelling.

What do you want?We've come to

see the Wizard of Ooze. It's not that

easy to see the wizard. Why is he blurry?

Oh, a wise worm, ehBuzz off!

Show him the sapphire toe socks, Jim.

Now, Peter, let's do it the

lazy man's way. Who disturbs the great

and powerful

lose?Well, we--

say, that voice sounds familiar.

Hey, you look like me!

Look, Peter, the alternate universe me is

a real big shot! Hey, why do

they call you the Wizard of Ooze, anyway?

I, uh.. Well, I...

I got this excess worm slime secretion

problem. Okay?Oh, yeah,

I had that. My wormatologist gave me an

ointment for that. Enough chit-chat!

What do you want?To go

home! Donuts, donuts, donuts!

Frozen yogurt! Yunk floss! A

reasonable dose of fear!

Whatever, you mother! You guys have to

take responsibility for your own lives.

Now take it

away! Ohh What do we do now?All this time

I've been counting on the wizard to fix

everything. Hey, you're the galaxy's

mightiest invertebrate. Why, you can do

anything you set your mind to. You're

right. And what's more, you've foisted a

positive message on the viewing audience.

Good work! It weren't nothing. Nothing

can stop me now! You know, you really

shouldn't say stuff like that. It's

always, like, a cue for the villain to

show up. I shall destroy you

all! Right as always, first button.

Hand over the sapphire toes, socks, or

parrot. Your choice. Hmm,

decisions, decisions. Actually, I think

I'd rather-- Get your butt

Getting sick of you.

Now I'm gonna get us everything we want

without any dumb old wizard.

You ain't nothing but smart, worm guy. I

ain't lying. Thanks, fat lad. Coming from

you, that means absolutely nothing.

There's the place!

All right, let's see. Floss for the fat

lad?Frozen yogurt for the tin

reaper?We

haven't paid for that yet, and use a

utensil. Don't you believe in spoons?

I do believe in spoons. I do believe in

spoons. I do, I do, I do, I do, I do. Hmm

But what about the reasonable dose of

fear the brave hamster wanted?Here

we go. Ten steps to slimmer

thighs than a reasonable dose of fear.

This is perfect. I guess I've learned

that if you want something, you never

have to look any further than your own

local supermarket.

Introduction of alarm!Oh,

they'll never get home now. And I thought

parking regulations were complicated on

Earth. Say, that gives me an

idea.

Hello, Trans Universal Towing Service?Uh,

how much is this going to cost?Uh, let's

see. Earth is in universe. 58 stroke two,



that'll run you about 4 billion quad

loos. Here. Hmm

Oh. But I'll do it for those

nifty socks. Um..

Deal!

Bye! Nice to meet y'all! Don't

forget to write, or at least e-mail or

something. You know,

I'm sugary miss those guys. Yeah,

me too.

ohh Jim, Peter, are you

okay?Yeah. We

went to a beautiful, magical land.

And you were there, Princess. And you,

and you, and you were there too, Spectre

of Death. And what are you doing here?

Don't worry, it's just a social call. The

Land of Ooh seems so real,

but I can't help but wonder. Me too,

Peter. Maybe it was all

just a dream.

It wasn't a dream, you idiot! My weapon

sent you to another universe, and it'll

do it again! Hey, remember how you

defeated the other queen?Good thinking,

Peter!

Eat dirt! Entomological thingamabob!

Narrator, you have a line here. I'm

not in the mood. Then perhaps you'd like

me to unleash these vocal cord-eating

insects on you. I'll say the line, I'll

say the line! And so Jim turns the

Queen's weapon against her, thwarting

evil and saving the day. Thank you. Umm

This place doesn't seem so bad.