01x08 - Leben vorstellen

[bunniefuu]

Mrs Dorbin?

Have you been able to work on the
Helene Sternberg vs. Dr Spellart case?

-Who are you?
-I'm the legal counsel for Mrs Sternberg.

I'm Helmut Kohl's right testicle.

Did you know that snakes
have bigger testicles than intestines?

Yes, I remember.

We had to destroy it of course.

With such things you can only
go to the police.

What kind of creams were they?

Anti-aging creams.

Interesting.

Don't you think
Dr Spellart should be tried for this?

Maybe, but I'm the wrong person for that.

How did you find out about this Spellart?

He was my father's dermatologist.

Only until my mother slept with him,
of course.

And now he's my stepfather.

And he wears glasses
of all different colours.

I'll think about how to help you.

Boo!

Yes.

Did I make you jump?

-No.
-sh*t.

I know you didn't want to make me jump.

Yeah, that's right.

You were watching me.

-Yes.
-You often watch me.

Yes.

That's okay.

-Helene?
-Huh?

I've always wanted to ask you...

I've got to hand it to Maike:

she always has some fruit at home
I haven't even read about on Wikipedia.

Why I'm so disturbed?

I don't find you disturbed, Helene.

No. Do you know what I think?

I think you're a savant.

What's that now?

That's an island person.

You live somewhere on an island

we don't really get.

Helene Island.

Yes. So it's an island

that no one really goes to
because it's not easy to get there.

Not even with easyJet?

No. EasyJet only flies within Europe.

-That was a joke.
-I know.

Okay.

-Oops.
-Yeah.

So, this island... I imagine
it's actually quite a beautiful island,

It's just that nobody really gets there.
You know?

In Mali, there was a blind cobbler

I had a pretty long conversation with.

He made the most beautiful saddle shoes.
You can't imagine.

And he always said, "I know my material.

I know feet. I can't imagine
anyone knows feet as well as I do

because I imagine feet all day long."

Anyway... You are that cobbler, Hell.

You're a good person, Maike.

Come on, leave it.

It's okay.

I know you don't think that.

No, I... I find...

...all the things you're doing here
really, really great.

I know you're lying, Helene.

Yes, I think you suck.

Yes.

I think it sucks
that you achieve everything.

I know you think that.

And I know there is
no such place in Portugal.

I've known that all night.

They wiped the place off the map.

Mhm. Yeah.

Nah.

It was a lie.

Yes.

Sorry.

You know, for you
this place exists, Helene.

But you shouldn't have written
those nasty comments on YouTube.

What nasty comments?

Keyword: "intercultural cash c**t"?

"Influencer-Pinfluencer"?

"Madlen007"?

That's you for sure.

No, that's not me.

-Helene.
-Word of honour!

Okay.

Shall we... go to
that art opening together now?

Of course we will.

We're going to the opening,
we're going to the opening...

-Your father?
-Uh-huh.

Is everything okay?

Yeah. No. Oh.

Oh dear! I gave my dad's address
to two love scammers...

-No.
-Yes.

-I...
-Hi, Maike!

Hey, Ramin! Hi, Luki!

Oh, Lampy!

Hi Ray, I'll be right in.

Um...

Tell me!

Well, my father had a heart defect. Has.

But if he'd found out about it...

...he'd have died at once. He couldn't
know!

It would've created a negative
dynamic with impossible pressure, huh?

Yes.

It's possible to put it that way, yes.
But you don't have to.

I tried to keep him away from it.

If you think you have a brain tumour,
you'll get a headache straight away.

Yeah. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Like a reverse placebo effect.

I even hired a doctor.

He examined him and said,
everything was okay.

Enrico Fengler-Schmitz.

Ah!

-The unnecessary visit by the doctor!
-Dad, what's that?

Oh, just a piercing.

No. In the background.

Oh, that's Gunnar Flash.

House DJ from Braunschweig.

Good bass, right?

Uh-huh.

-He's processing his divorce.
-Quite on the contrary:

I'm listening to DJ Flash.

My name is Fengler-Schmitz,

Dr Fengler-Schmitz.

Take your shirt off.

Don't overdo it!

-Was he really a doctor?
-No, an actor.

-Oh, really?
-Yes.

Took acting lessons at a private
acting school. Once, twice. Earlier.

Why don't you come in first?

So, you're a cardiologist?

You're absolutely right.

More underacting!

So, why come to me?

Just last week, I went rafting.

I had a pulse rate of 90.

Quite contrary to Wilfried,

my business manager.

Dad, it's just a check-up.

But Wilfried also has
such a paunch hanging down.

When he showers, he's no oil painting.

Well then.

Check-up.

Let's do it then!

Let's see if it still pumps as it
should, as I always say.

Now take your shirt off.

Everything's just hunky-dory.

I told you! Go see Wilfried!

By the way, I don't eat pork any more.

And I regularly measure my waist.

Do you know what Eric Clapton once said?

-No.
-Eric Clapton once said...

Your father believed it?

I think he wanted to.

So you think,
he believes he wanted to believe it?

You think that I think
he wanted to believe it?

Anyways.

Can you not say "anyways"?

-Okay.
-It's making me aggro.

I don't want to be mean, Helene,

but could it be that you've...

virtually... significantly shortened
your father's lifetime?

I really don't want to make you feel bad,

and I think it's totally understandable
that you think he shouldn't worry.

But this really minor operation
could have saved a lot.

Hearts are no longer extracted from pigs,
but artificially produced from fibres.

I've even read about a company

manufacturing heart parts
from plant-based biomaterials only.

Vegan.

So, you mean when the person
dies one day,

-there will be no plastic in the soil.
-Yes. Exactly.

In short: the person
can simply be composted.

So, no need to fight with the landlord
because the pacemaker has to be recycled.

Okay.

Important in the art business:
break off eye contact relatively quickly

and make neurotic chewing movements

although there's no chewing gum
in your mouth.

"Llewellyn Reichman, 30, a
representative of concrete corporeality,

has not spoken a word in two years now.

A verbal hunger strike

against the normative transhumanisation
of virtual autoreproduction,

I like it.

But I wouldn't be able to not speak
for two years! I love to talk!

Um... The idea that only I'm allowed
to talk, and you have to be silent...

...turns me on a bit.

For example, that man there...

I could talk to you about him forever.

I fancy him,
but I don't know what he thinks of me.

The other day, he said he was my carer.

He was trying to help,
but he might really think this at times.

I think, many people believe
I need a carer

or a kick in the a*s

or a f*ck or...

...whatever!

I don't want to
think about him a lot, but I do ,

and I don't want to
want him to think I'm great, but I do .

Or let's say,

I give him the chance

to say, "Hey, I'm proud...

to have you by my side."

Proud.

Proud...

Proud as Oskar.

Nah. It's not funny, I know.

So...

-Hello!
-Hi!

Okay.

Um...

And you are...?

Yes, this is Samu. Vincent.

-Um... Orchestra mates.
-Nice to meet you, orchestra mates.

Helene is a friend.

-Hey, Helene!
-Hello, Helene!

Well then... Um...

...have fun! There's lots to talk about.
Have a nice evening!

Last stop, please leave the bus.

All this is bullshit of course.

You wiretapped phone calls,
broke into his practice...

You're lucky you're under age
or you'd be in deep sh*t.

Mum and Dr Spellart must be punished!

Well, then go to Iran.

It's true, you're crazy as a coot,

but I wish there were
a few more like you.

In the end, what you want is nothing more
than the basic idea of justice.

Here you go. I'd like you
to go to law school one day.

I will.

Hey!

Come on!

I know you're in there.

You left the key in the lock outside.

I'm turning it now.

Okay?

You look great!

Am I looking after you today?

Nah, my mum doesn't even know I'm here.

I ran away.

You can't do that.

Nobody tells me what to do.

She doesn't want me
to spend time with you anymore.

Why?

She found out that
I've left 289 comments on YouTube.

On Maike's and
other stupid capital wh*res' channels.

Madlen, I...

No, don't "Madlen" me!
You said it yourself.

-Yes, sometimes I say things...
-No!

You said it, and it's true!

Now I'm banned from YouTube
and I'm not allowed to see you anymore.

sh*t.

Yes.

Can we go and buy fireworks?

And did she find out
about the money thing, too?

Yes.

-Will she report me?
-Why you?

She, thinks I gave it
to some homeless guy

who paints chalk locomotives
outside the station.

I want to move in with you.

We could do a flat share,

look at stuff on the internet
all the time.

It's a nice idea, you know.

But: blah.

Yeah.

Blah.

I think it sucks.

I know.

Take care, Madlen.

We'll meet again.

Some day.

Keep it up!

Hey!

Put your hand over your eyes
after lighting!

PS.

-PS.
-Huh?

Have you ever heard of
"freedom of contract"?

Yes.

Really?!

No.

I handled a case once

where one guy knew about
another guy's scam.

He let the other one pay him
for having that knowledge.

He forced him into
signing a consulting contract.

Sure, it's immoral.

-But I could never bring him to trial.
-And how much was that for?

-Forty.
-Forty euros!

That won't be enough.

Forty thousand.

But for that you have to be an adult.

Every contract can be dated.

Now get the hell out of here!

So, I wrote what I wanted
in the contract.

You can write anything you want
in a contract.

As long as both parties accept its terms.

-And it is valid?
-This is Spellart's signature.

Funny shape, looks a bit like a...

...willy.

What did he sign with the willy?

Dr Spellart has assigned
USD 40,000 to me.

And in return, I won't disclose anything.

You're wicked.

You're brilliant.

Thank you.

Madlen!

Go home!

Your mother will call the police.

And tell her, I was the one
who took her money!

Helene?

Helene!

I missed you so much!

This is the "Saraband".

This recording is so overwhelming!

It is the orchestra...

of...

Prague.

There's so much...

violence in it and

will and

passion and...

sex too.

Just everything.

It's so sensational!

Mum,

Dr Spellart,

I just wanted to say, thank you,
I have received the money,

so the contract is fulfilled.

By the way, the investment you've made

will become the property of
Günther Sternberg with immediate effect.

Dad,

I'm...

...sorry

and...

I wanted to ask:
do you still have Chinese oil

which smells of peppermint
and makes your head go "Bing!", and...

...have you slept well last night,
and do you...

...also think that if you...

...eat polenta and burp...

...it smells like rice, and...

...whether I can come over tomorrow...

Um...

...whether I should
book a table at Giovanni's...

...because he misses you already.

It's so nice with you!

"Was".

Past tense.

Why past tense?

Because it was nice, Oskar.

Because it's the past tense.

I'm so sure
you'll do really well on your path.

But we... We haven't lived or anything.

We... weren't even really together.

I only imagined all this.