01x17 - Abraca-Disaster!

[bunniefuu]

[♪ upbeat rock music playing]

-Is this your card?
-No.

-Is this your card?
-No. [chuckles softly, sighs]

Is this your card?

No.

-Hey, Hon.
-[shushes]

Winter's doing a magic trick.
She's trying to guess Billie's card.

[inhales sharply] Is this your card?

I want to say yes, but no.

How long has this been going on for?

Oh, this is her second time
through the deck.

-[groans]
-Is Winter doing magic?

[sighs] I can't do this again.

Yesterday, she pulled a rabbit
out of a hat.

I didn't know rabbits could scream,
but now I do.

I'll be in the car.

-[door closing]
-Is this your card?

[sighs] No.

Is there any way we can speed
Winter's trick along?

From what I've seen… [sighs] …no.

I don't want to be late.
It's my first day on the school paper.

[exclaims] Ah, school paper!

My baby's gonna be a reporter
just like his mom! [chuckles]

-I'm so excited.
-[giggles]

I'm gonna follow leads, find the truth,

get to the bottom
of the mystery-meat mystery

in the cafeteria.

[chuckles]

There's no mystery. It's chicken.

Exactly what a shill
for big chicken would say!

And is this your card?

No. [sighs]

Wait! No! Yes, it is! It is!

That is my card! [chuckles]

Sorry, I got stuck in a "no" loop.

I told you it was a great trick.

It was. It was a great trick.

[chuckles softly]

Want me to show you another one?

[all exclaim] No!

You're right.
I'll save it for after school.

My mom calls my magic show,
"Four hours you'll never get back."

Ah. [chuckles]

[gasps] I can see why.

[♪ theme song playing]

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you want ♪

♪ By the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess
with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ You might run into trouble
if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

-♪ What it seems ♪
-[theme song concludes]

[♪ upbeat rock music playing]

So, I said, "Alakazam,"
and my mom's car keys disappeared.

Which is why you had
to drive carpool today, Mr. Russo.

It's no problem, Winter.

Good, 'cause you might have to drive me
until I learn how to make them…

-[gasps] …reappear.
-[Justin] Mm-hmm.

I'm just gonna consider myself on call
for the rest of the week.

Winter, what's with the new interest
in magic anyway?

Well, I just figured you're a--

You know?
And Mr. Russo's a-- You know?

So, I thought learning magic
would make me, kind of like a--

You know? You know?

-Aw.
-No, not "Aw!"

[hesitates] Unless, I cut you off,

and you were about to say,
"Aw-ful at magic."

Why'd you tell Winter her trick
was great this morning?

I… I just didn't want to hurt
her feelings.

So, you told her she was good
at something she's bad at?

Well, sometimes you say things
that aren't true

to protect the people you care about.

By the way, you're gonna crush it

on the newspaper today!

[chuckles softly]
Really? Thanks.

I know what you did there,
but I am kind of nervous,

so I'm gonna pretend you meant it.

Greetings, fellow students!
I know what you're thinking.

"At first, she wasn't. Yet now, she is."

Sage! We have talked about this.

No smoke! You're gonna set off
the sprinklers! [blows sharply]

Who's that?

That's Sage. She's the president
of the Magic Club.

Join us tonight in the gymnatorium
when the Magic Club presents our show,

"Smoke and Mirrors."

[Justin] Sage!

Fine. Just mirrors.

Get your tickets before they…

disappear!

Sage, that was amazing!

I do a little magic myself.
Want to see a trick?

Oh, Winter,
I'm not sure that's a good--

Is this your card?

I haven't picked a card.

Right. Sorry, just… [gasps]
…a little nervous…

-Oh!
-[laughs]

[laughs]

Uh, that wasn't the trick. [chuckles]

That wasn't the trick, right?

Hey, don't feel bad.

Magic isn't for everyone.
[chuckles softly]

-[chuckles]
-[chuckles]

I don't get it.

This morning you said
it was a great trick.

Oh, I did say that, didn't I?

[♪ upbeat rock music playing]

-[groans]
-But, Mom, every kid

-in my class has seen it.
-Well…

What are you guys talking about?

I told him he can't see
Bucket of Guts Part II.

I agree with your mother.

You are way too young to see that movie.

Yeah, and you haven't seen Part I.

You'll be completely lost.

Giada, that is not the reason.

What? It's a reason.

I'm not too young!
You guys are so uncool!

[blows raspberry]

Oh, no. Do you hear that?
We are so "uncool."

Yeah, we don't let
our kids watch scary movies.

We make them brush their teeth
"twice a day."

[chuckles] We drive them
to school in a minivan.

[laughs] Whoa, Giada,
why do you got to bring

the minivan into this?

I mean, I know we're joking around,
but you don't have to be hurtful.

[♪ upbeat rock music playing]

Here's how it works.

We're doing a piece
on tonight's magic show.

I take the pictures, you write the words.

Got it, new guy?

Parker, do you have to call me "new guy"?

We went to preschool together.

Look, you're the new guy on the paper,

so I'm going to call you "new guy,"

until you earn my respect, new guy.

I get it. You're ribbing me!

This is a little,
welcome to the team ribbing

from a fellow newshound.

Sure, new guy.

Billie, school's over.
What are you doing here?

Well, I've been thinking about it,
and you should try a trick again for Sage.

The Magic Club already laughed
at me once today. Isn't that enough?

Nobody laughs at my best friend.
Come on, show 'em what you got.

Really? I mean… [chuckles]
…I have worked on these tricks every day

-for a month.
-A month?

I mean… [scoffs] …you got this!

-Hey, Sage, pick a card.
-Oh, it's you.

Yup, it's me. Pick a card!

And now, I'll give them a quick shuffle.

Oh, no, Winter, what are you doing?

For this friend who I hold dear,
make the chosen card appear.

-[♪ ethereal chiming]
-[fingers snap]

Whoa, that's my card!

[exclaims hesitantly] It is?
I mean, ta-da!

That was incredible!

It was, wasn't it?
I knew I'd get it eventually.

Am I an awesome wizard
or an awesome friend?

Am I both? I think I am.

How did you do that?

Yeah, how did you do that?

I've been practicing for a month.

A month, but this morning--
[exclaims] A month?

I was wrong. You're great at magic!

Hey, I have an idea.

Oh, wow. It's happening.

You bet it's happening.

You're in the show. Tonight.
What's your name?

-Winter.
-Well, now, you're the Amazing Winter.

I'm the Amazing Sage,
that's the Amazing Jenny,

-and that's Garth.
-The Amazing Garth?

No, just Garth.

I can't believe this!
I was gonna give up on magic,

and… [chuckles] …now I'm in the show!

Did you hear that?
From magic zero to magic hero!

That's our story!

Who saw that coming? [chuckles]

I didn't, but you'd think
by now I would've.

[♪ whimsical instrumental music playing]

[loud thud]

What was that?

Sounded like a mysterious thump
coming from the bathroom.

[♪ eerie instrumental music playing]

[hisses]

Oh, hey, Boneface.

[♪ music continues]

Knife Hands, am I supposed
to be afraid of you?

Those are butter knives.

I'll call you next time I'm having toast.

[♪ eerie instrumental music playing]

Hey, Creepy Clown,
can you grab me a yogurt tube?

So, any of that scare you?

None of it. I'm telling you,

I'm old enough
to see Bucket of Guts Part II.

Thanks for conjuring generic knock-offs

of famous horror icons to test
my fear threshold, Billie.

Well, what good is magic
if you can't use it

to help the people you care about?

[grunts] I can't get this dumb thing open.

[Roman screams in distance]
Don't hurt me, Knife Hands!

Knife Hands,
he can get this dumb thing open.

-You scream like Dad.
-You smell like Mom.

Thanks, I've been using her body wash.

I know what you did.

I didn't do anything. I wasn't even there.

Wait, what do you think I did?

You used a spell
to make Winter's trick work.

Oh, no, I did do that.

[chuckles]
But how do you know I did that?

Well, this morning she couldn't do magic,

and now, she's headlining
the Magic Club show tonight.

But she's terrible at magic.

Yeah, but she doesn't seem
to know that. Thanks to you.

I was doing a good thing.

When I saw how embarrassed she was

in front of the Magic Club,
it made me so mad.

How do you think she's going to feel

when she's humiliated
in front of the whole school?

It'll be front page news.

Well, not if you don't write about it.

I'm a journalist. I'm morally obligated.

Also, I won't get class credit if I don't.

Okay, I'll fix it.
I'll go down to the school,

I'll tell Winter what I did,
she'll pull out of the show,

and we'll have
a real good laugh about it.

Good luck with that.

-[Billie] Thanks.
-I was being sarcastic.

I know.

[♪ dramatic rock music playing]


And it's prime, not choice.

You never see prices that low! Up top!

We're cool parents, right?

We just used double coupons
to get 50% off meat.

So yeah, we're cool.

Justin, I'm serious.

Is this about what Milo said?
Of course, we're cool!

We're the coolest! We're on the chain!

Yeah, that's just it.

I think we're supposed
to be off the chain.

Are you sure?
Hmm. That doesn't sound right.

-[chuckles]
-If you're off the chain,

then you're just hanging loose.

Although, hanging loose
does sound kind of cool.

Have I been on the chain
this whole time? [gasps]

[♪ tense upbeat music playing]

[breathes deeply]

[Giada]
Hey, Milo, what you doing?

Well, I was laying on my stomach
for a little while.

Now, I'm on my back.

What are you up to?

What do you say you and I sneak out

and go see Bucket of Guts Part II?

-Are you serious?
-I took out my contacts

and put on my glasses, didn't I?

I can't believe this is happening.

Okay, but… [shushes] …keep it down.

We can't let your dad know.

He doesn't think you're old enough,
but I think you can handle it.

-I totally can!
-[chuckles]

-Mom, you're the coolest!
-[chuckles]

Okay, but if your dad asks,

tell him we went to Bath and Bubble Works.

I think somebody's been using
my body wash.

That's weird.
I wouldn't look too closely

into that mystery.
Let's go to the movies.

[♪ upbeat rock music playing]

Hey, Dad, how does this headline sound
for my review of the next magic show?

"Abracadisaster:
Magic Show is a Magic No!"

How can you review
a magic show you haven't seen?

Eh, I just have a feeling
about how it's gonna go down.

-[cellphone chimes]
-Hey, new guy, check your email.

Sending you a sweet pic
I took for our article.

-[cellphone beeps]
-[laptop chimes]

Ah, gotta give it to him.

That is a pretty sweet pic…
[chuckles softly]

…that no one can ever see!

What's the matter?

Nothing. I just realized
that you're right.

I probably should see
the magic show if I'm going to review it.

You know, First Amendment,
journalistic integrity,

blah, blah, blah. See ya.

-[door closes]
-[sighs]

[clicks tongue] Oh, man.
What was I thinking?

We're never going to eat these steaks
before they go bad.

Unless, I bust out my vacuum sealer.

[laughs] Oh, man,

could I be any more
on the chain right now?

[♪ upbeat rock music playing]

And poof! Cloud of smoke…

is what you would have seen
if Principal Russo

hadn't shut that down.

[laughing]

[camera shutter clicking]

Now, put your hands together

for the newest member
of the Magic Club,

-The Amazing Winter!
-[audience applauds, cheers]

Hey, everybody!
Who wants to see some magic?

[cheering]

That's lucky, because I cannot sing.

[laughing]

Oh, no, the show's already started.

For my first trick, an empty box.

[door creaks]

That's not the trick, that's just a fact.

But with a little dose of magic…

[door creaks]

…it's no longer empty.

Alakazam!

[door creaks]

[laughing]

Huh. Can't believe a trick
I just learned today didn't work.

Let me try it again.

-[door creaks, shuts]
-[sighs] I gotta help her.

Alakazam!

[cheering, applauding]

Billie, what are you doing in there?

-Helping you.
-I don't need your help.

[door creaking]

Behold, an ordinary platter.
Alakazam!

[applause]

I told you, I don't need your help.

Well, you kind of do.

I've sort of been helping
your magic with my magic.

Oh, Billie, you didn't.

This is a trunk. We all know
who's coming out of it.

[audience cheers, applauds]

The amazing Winter, everybody!

-Listen to them, you did it!
-No, you did it.

[sighs] Winter, wait!

[♪ soft rock music playing]

Coast is clear!
Wow, that movie was incredible.

I was terrified from the first second.

What'd you think, honey?

I loved it.

Good! I was afraid it was
gonna be too scary for you.

Nope. I give it two thumbs up.
[gasps]

Remember, don't tell dad
I took you. "Cool mom."

-Hey, Milo.
-[screams]

[shushes]
Keep it down, keep it down.

Uh, so, listen, um,

I was thinking about
that whole cool parent thing.

Oh, no. [sighs]

What do you say, you and me,
we sneak out, and we go see

that Bucket of Guts movie
you were talking about?

We really don't have to.

Sure we do. Just do me a favor.

Whatever you do, don't tell your mother.

Because you know her.

She can be a little… "on the chain."

-[door creaking]
-[Justin groans, sighs]

Your cool dad's taking you
to see a scary movie.

You're going to remember this
for the rest of your life.

That's what I'm afraid of.

[♪ upbeat rock music playing]

Winter, wait up.

You made me think I was good at magic.

-I was just trying to help.
-[sighs]

Oh, please don't walk away from me.

Or what? You'll use a spell to stop me?

I'd never use a spell to stop you.

I'd use one to make you think
you're stopping yourself.

Okay, but I'm done doing that. See?

-No more magic.
-I just want to go home.

No, we're talking about this now.

[gasps] There.

[door creaks, shuts]

-[sighs]
-You made me look like an idiot.

No, I didn't. The crowd loved you.

No, they loved you.

You were the one doing
all the magic out there.

I didn't do anything.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I give you the Amazing Jenny
and her Tank of Doom!

[crowd cheers]

Scratch that. The Amazing Winter and…

friend. [chuckles]
But it's still the Tank of Doom!

Why's it called the "Tank of Doom?"

If they don't escape the tank

before it fills with water…
they're doomed!

[water running]

That's why.

Uh, you know, it's okay.

I'll use my wand to get us out of here.

You can't. You left it backstage.

Right. Then we'll just have
to get out of here

without using magic.
How much water can you drink?

[♪ tense rock music playing]

Okay, the door's locked,
the water is rising,

and my wand is outside.

Please tell me you know how
to get out of this.

Of course, I don't.

I was never supposed to do this trick.

Also, turns out, I can't do magic.

Well, if it makes you feel any better,

I can't do magic right now either.

It doesn't.

[shutter clicks]

There's Parker.

Just gotta delete that picture
of Billie doing magic

so no one ever sees it.

Hey, Parker. What you doing?

Taking pictures?

Obviously. [scoffs]

Did you get that sweet shot
I sent you earlier?

[groans] Sure did.

Yeah, speaking of sweet shots,

any chance I can check it out
on your camera?

Whoa, I don't know
you like that, new guy.

Parker, I'm your Spanish tutor.
[chuckles softly]

You do know me like that.
You know me mas mucho.

[♪ upbeat rock music playing]

Okay, Mom's not here. We're good.

Are you sure that movie
wasn't too scary for you?

Don't know what gave you that idea.

[sighs] Where have you guys been?

-Nowhere.
-Then why is Milo clinging

to your leg like a scared monkey?

Dad took me to see Bucket of Guts II, too.

[gasps] Uh, Justin,
you took him to that movie?

Wait a minute. "Bucket of Guts II, too?"

You took him before I took him!

Fine, I did. I just--
I… [breathes sharply]

…that whole cool parent thing
really got in my head.

-[groans] Oh, me too.
-[sighs]

It just-- It took me back to
when I was Milo's age,

and I wanted to see a scary movie

and my parents wouldn't let me.

I think your parents
may have been onto something.

And then I was like,
are we becoming our parents?

-[chuckles]
-But we had great parents.

They weren't worried about being cool.

They just did what they had to
to protect us.

You're right. We really let Milo down.

-[sighs]
-Milo? Can you forgive us?

Well, I am very disappointed
in your behavior.

-Sorry, Milo.
-Sorry, Milo.

But wait a minute, we're the parents.

You're in trouble! Or maybe, you're not?

I don't know, we're kind of
in uncharted territory here.

[scoffs]

I'm gonna have nightmares for a month.

Can I sleep with you guys?

[chuckles] Oh,
so we're all being punished.

I guess that's what we get
for trying to be the cool parents.

-[chuckles]
-Also, we're sleeping

-with the lights on.
-[gasps]

Oh, it's gonna be a long month.

[♪ dramatic upbeat music playing]

Time is running out for them

to make their death-defying escape.

[exclaiming]

[shutter clicks]

[chuckles]
I just thought of something.

I'm a wizard who's gonna die
doing mortal magic.

We're gonna have a real good laugh

about this later.

There is no later.

Then we should have
a real good laugh about it now.

[shutter clicks]

I got a new angle for our story.

I'm listening, new guy.

Instead of writing about the magic show,

I'm gonna write about the guy

who takes pictures of the magic show.

You're gonna write about me?

Yeah! I need a picture of you.
You know, for the story.

Sounds pretty good, Roman.

That's right. I called you Roman.

Your idea to write about me
has earned you my respect.

Now listen closely, because it's tricky.

First, you point the camera at me, then…

you push the button.

This button?

-[camera beeping]
-[gasps] Oh, no.

I accidentally deleted
all the pictures on your camera.

I told you it was tricky, new guy.

Yeah, that's right.
You're back to "new guy."

Why didn't you just tell me
I was bad at magic this morning?

I didn't want to hurt your feelings.

So, you made me think I was good
at something I'm not?

I'm your friend.
I was trying to protect you.

Billie, friends are supposed
to be honest, even if it's hard.

You're right.

I should have been honest with you.

And from now on, I will be.

In that case,
I have something to tell you.

Sometimes I use your wand
to scratch my back.

[chuckles] I do that, too.

I can't believe I watched all those
"How to Do Magic" videos for nothing.

Too bad you never watched one
about how to get out of this.

I didn't, but that gives me an idea.

-[switch clicking]
-[♪ tense music playing]

With mere moments before
the water fills the tank,

are they doomed, or will they disappear?

[exclaiming, cheering]

[cheering, applauding]

I can't believe you got us out
of that tank.

Ta-da!

You don't know how you did it, do you?

A magician never reveals her secrets.

Put your hands together
for The Amazing Winter!

[all cheering, applauding]

I'm gonna miss being The Amazing Winter.

[clicks tongue]
You'll always be amazing to me.

[♪ dramatic rock music playing]

Hey, check out my review
of the magic show.

You used the picture of me
and Winter in our bathrobes?

Yeah, well, I had to delete
all of Parker's other pictures,

because a certain wizard insists
on using magic at school.

Thanks, Roman. I owe you one.

[chuckles]
You owe me a lot more than one.

[sighs] Dinner's ready.

Who wants steaks? I cooked them rare,

so they might be
a little bloody. [chuckles]

Too soon, Dad. Too soon.

Well, you know what that means,
more for us.

[♪ upbeat music interludes]