01x03 - Episode 3

[bunniefuu]

Man: Rise.

Captioning made possible by
Acorn Media

[Organ playing]

Boys: Look ahead
to a life worth living

Full of hope, full of faith,
full of cheer

To a life that is
made for giving

Without stint, without shame,
without fear

Look ahead to the one
who leads us

To the Lord
who guides our ways

We shall follow,
follow, follow

We shall follow him
all our days

Deep breath.

[Inhales deeply]

Uh...

Uh...

Uh...uh.

Ugh.

Uh-huh.

[Exhales heavily]

Mmm. Mmm.
Uh. Uh.

Uh. Uh.

Might as well put
your shirt on now,

Mr. Powlett-Jones.

Is, uh...everything
all right?

Can't complain,
mustn't grumble.

Ahh! I see.

Everything all right
with you,

I suppose you mean.

Yes, it is.

Sound as a bell,
old chap.

A-1, for insurance
purposes.

Oh, good.

Yes, providing you lead
a sensible sort of life.

You know, not too much
wandering over cliffs

or standing in the path
of express trains.

You know
the sort of form.

You should live
to a ripe, old age.

Oh. Fine.

You sound as if you
don't believe me.

Oh, no.
It wasn't that.

Uh...it's just that...

Well, there was
something I thought

I might mention,
since I was passing.

Well, go ahead!
Go ahead, old chap!

Well...you know I'm
getting married soon.

Mmm. Heard as much.

So you're getting
a checkup,

getting some
insurance cover.

Sensible man.

Oh! Congratulations!

Thank you.

Yes, well...it's hard
to know how to put this,

uh...but I've had some
misgivings about it.

Yes?

About...the physical
aspect of it.

Oh, don't give it
a thought, man!

A lot of nonsense talk
about that, you know.

In my opinion,
it's damn difficult

to overdo
that sort of thing.

Now, I've given you

a clean bill
of health, old chap.

You're not going
to strain your heart

or black out at
the breakfast table.

Take my word for it.

That's not quite
what I meant.

Oh. My mistake.

Well, go on, then.

Well...

since they shipped me
back to England,

and before that
in the trenches,

l...haven't exactly
been bothered by...

uncontrollable
sexual urges.

Quite the contrary,
in point of fact.

Is that very unusual?

No, it isn't.

Veldt starvation,

we used to call it
in South Africa.

I got any number
of men coming to me.

They seemed to think
they'd lost

all interest, capability
into the bargain.

I've known chaps ask
for aphrodisiacs

along with their
demobilization kit.

Every one of them
thought

he was
a special case.

You did, too,
I expect.

Yes. I did wonder.

The fact is most males
adjust themselves

to deprivation
after a time.

I did myself.

Well, you've
found yourself

a filly
you fancy now.

I understand you
didn't take long

to make up your mind
about the girl.

No, I didn't.

But...before running
into her, I...

Well, I never had
the slightest inclination

to go off and...

find myself a woman.

A virgin at 23.

Now, that's a bit
unusual, isn't it?

Not in your case,
old chap.

Sensitive nature,

brought up
in the chapel...

then pitchforked into
that bloody holocaust.

No, there's nothing
unusual about it at all.

The extraordinary thing
is that you could manage

to discuss it
with a stranger.

Uh...

Yes, well,
if you knew how I had

to screw myself up
to do it!

Glad you did.
Glad you did.

You made a splendid
recovery, you know,

but your body takes
its own time.

Old John Thomas is
a contrary beggar.

He knows
when he's ready.

So you...you don't
think I need any--

Oh, bless you! No!

You've had the luck
to find a girl

to revive your
natural instincts.

My advice to you is
to let well alone

and give those instincts
free rein, all right?

Yes.

Thank you very much.

You want children?

Oh, I--l don't think
I thought about it.

Fine. Fine.

Don't.

If they come,
they come.

When they like,
rather than when you like.

Family planning,
my foot.

Have you got
a photo of the girl?

Uh, yes, I have.

Let's have a look, then.

Ah! Bonny lass.

Sturdy.

Sturdy?
Hearty.

Good stock.

She'll be very good
for you.

Well, how are you liking
it up there at Bamfylde?

Oh, I...
I like it fine.

Well, mostly because
Herries knows what he's about.

I owe a good deal
to that man.

Yeah, you're not
the only one.

I knew that place
in Weskar's time,

do the boys' hall.

He's changed all that.

Mind you, Algy's got
his problems, you know.

Oh, yes, I know.
He was--

Now, there's nothing
I'd like better than

to hang around here
gossiping with you,

but I've got a baby due
up at Barrifield Farm.

So if you must worry,

worry about that
school of yours.

Whiskey and cider,
Alderman?

That would be
very welcome.

Well, what did you
think of it?

Well, I can't say
that I was impressed

with that so-called
science lab

of yours, Carter.

No, I wasn't
impressed at all.

Have you seen
the technical school

over at Woolerton?

Yes, I have.

They'd laugh
at yours.

Say when, sir.

That's enough.

No, I'm afraid
there's never been any

scientific or technical
bent to Bamfylde.

Latin, Greek,
rugby, football.

You couldn't build
a business like mine

on Latin and Greek.

Exactly, sir.

Well, I do what
I can.

You've seen it.

We have boys in this
school who would make

first-class scientists
and engineers,

but we haven't got
the tools of the trade.

No, I'd like to install
modern equipment

so that they could carry
on real experiments,

and[/1] I would like
to have some

metalwork equipment,
lathes.

Let them see what
it's like to work

with their hands as
well as their heads.

You'd like to see
some fettlers.

I beg your pardon?

Fettlers--lads who'll
take their jackets off

and get
their hands mucky.

That's the trouble
with this country, Carter.

There's not enough
fettlers.

Uh, exactly, sir.

And I'm afraid the
public school mentality

tends to look down
on men who make things.

I'd like to change
all that, Alderman.

And build yourself up

a good, big science
department, eh?

Well, I'm sure it will
benefit the school.

And you think
you can see where

the money's coming
from, can't you?

It's all right,
Carter.

There's no need to be
too delicate about it.

I'm used to being described
as a w*r profiteer.

Well, that's w*r
rubber ducks back for me.

My firm responded to
the needs of the country.

We rolled up our
sleeves, did the job,

and made a damn good
profit into the bargain.

I'm not ashamed of it.
I'm proud of it.

That's the way
the world works, Carter.

The w*r was
a good time for me.

Well, I'm sure
no one holds that

against you, Alderman.

I'm damn sure
they do,

and so will you.

I'm a man
of feeling, Carter.

I want to make
a gesture.


for a w*r memorial.

That seemed about
the right way

to make a gesture
to me.

That's a very generous
donation, Alderman.

I thought so.

And do you know, Carter,

today's the first time
I've been invited

to set foot
in the school?

Really, Alderman?

Oh, I find that
hard to believe!

You know, I've, um...

I've often thought
it's a crying shame

you've never been invited
onto the governing board.

So have I!

A man with your
standing in the local--

A man with my money.

[Chuckles]

It's all right,
Carter.

I understand
your motives,

and I respect them.

It's good to know
that someone here

has got a head
on his shoulders

and his feet
on the ground.

We'll see...how this
memorial business goes.

If it goes well...

then I might consider
involving myself

in doing something
further for the school.

I don't mind telling
you, Herries,

it sticks in my throat.

Yes, well...

you left us with
no doubt of that

at the meeting,
Brigadier.

However,
majority opinion

went against you.

Whole business
has a thoroughly

nasty smell about it.

You're not
completely opposed

to the idea of a w*r
memorial, are you?

Now, don't you put word
in me mouth, Herries.

I'm too old
a bird for that.

I'm not going
to forget the w*r.

You're[/l] not going
to forget the w*r.

We don't need these
damn great monuments

going up all over
the place, do we?

No, we don't.

But the boys might,

generations after this.

This school
will still be here

when we're gone, huh?

Yes.

Yes, yes.
All right, Herries.

And if everyone's
having one...

Well, this school's got
as much to remember

and be proud
of as any, eh?

It's the chap who's putting
up the money, isn't it?

[Grunts]

The man makes a fortune
out of the w*r,

then wants us to put up
a statue to him!

Come now, Cooper!
It's not to him!

Well, I wouldn't
put it past him.

What's he going
to call it?

The Alderman Blunt
Memorial?

Ellie: You know it's
early chapel, don't you?

Herries:
Oh, yes, dear.

Soitis.
Soitis.

Well, what are you
doing, then?

I'm designing
a w*r memorial, Ellie.

Well, let me see.
Mmm.

Oh, Algy!
What a monstrosity!

Wh--?
Do you think so?

[Laughing]
That's quite ridiculous!

Well, I'm not
very good at drawing.

Even making
allowances for that,

I think it's dreadful.

Oh, dear!

The governors have agreed
in principle, you know.

l...I think it would mean
something to the boys...

and I would like
a w*r memorial.

Oh, well, if Mr. Herries
wants his w*r memorial,

Mr. Herries must have
it, I suppose,

but not one like that.

Well, that's what
they're like, Ellie!

Don't you like
w*r memorials?

Oh, it simply seems
to me ridiculous that

in order to remember
the fallen,

you men insist
on raising up

great stone columns.

What is the use of them?

Can it be something
that women

aren't supposed
to understand?

Well, I hadn't considered
it in that light.

Not much improved if you
look at it sideways, is it?

Oh, put the ridiculous
thing away

and let's go to sleep.

If you really want
my opinion, Algy--

Yes, I do, dear.
Of course I do.

Well, I think it'd
be so much better

to give the school
something useful,

something that could
be enjoyed.

Not great lumps of stone
for generations

of small boys to skin
their knees on.

You know, that's
an interesting idea.

I think it's rather
a good one.

Well, yes,
of course it is.

Now, think of the boys
from this school

who went to France
and never came back.

How would they want
to be remembered?

I wish we could ask them.

Ask young
David Powlett-Jones.

Yes! I think I will!

Good.

God, the ways we find
to make the time pass!

Is there life
after evening prep?

Not here.
Not at Bamfylde.

How's that
external degree

of yours coming along?

Oh, I'm still
grubbing away at it.

No, that's not fair.

l...I'm really
interested in the work,

but there's so much else
to think about at the moment.

Indeed, there must be.

And to be
Bachelor of Arts--

ah, it's
a pale ambition

to one contemplating
the joys of marriage.

But you'll keep at it?

Oh, yes.
Good man.

Have some more gin.

Oh, no. Look.

I don't want to drink
all your gin.

Oh, take it!
Take it!

Misogynists can
afford to share

their little
luxuries.

To the mysterious
joys of marriage.

Whatever
they may be.

Thanks.

Well, you'll know
soon enough.

Doc Willoughby
pronounced you fit

for the cause,
has he?

Oh, yes,
and gave me a lot

of unsolicited,
good advice, as well.

Ahh!

Then you won't be
wanting any of mine.

I had yours last term.

I'm afraid I took very
little notice of it.

My dear chap, I'm very
glad to be ignored!

It wouldn't do
for all of us to wither

into stale and
crusty age like me.

The world must be
peopled...l suppose.

Who better than you
to doit?

Such was your reasoning,
I suppose?

No reasoning in it.

l...I just couldn't bear
to be without her.

I felt like that from
the moment I first saw her.

I never felt like that
about anyone before.

I still can't get over it.

Sorry.

Oh, I'm...acquainted
with the feeling.

Do you think
she'll like it here?

Ahh, she may be as
eccentric as you or I.

At least you played
fair with her.

You showed her the place
in all its grim reality

and its benighted
inhabitants.

It was touch and go
that day!

I'm not surprised.

Well, now, she has
only herself to blame

and your magnetic
charms, of course.

Howarth?
Hmm?

Would you be my best man?

You're not serious!

Never more serious.

Why, I'm hardly
the best man type.

More like the specter
at the feast!

I haven't worn
striped trousers in...



No need for them.

It's not a dressed-up
occasion.

Any suit will do.

Even that one,
at a pinch.

You may be surprised
to know,

young Powlett-Jones,

that I own
a very decent dark suit.

You'll do it, then?

Yes, I do seem to have
agreed, haven't I?

Enjoy your hol, sir.

Thank you, Dobson.
Same to you.

Dobson: Make the most
of them, sir.

Thank you, Dobson.
I always do.

Uh, no, sir.

Mr. Powlett-Jones
we meant, sir.

Go away,
facetious boy!

Go home to your
despairing parents!

Yes, sir.

Sir...

Sir...
don't be good.

Be careful!

[Boys laughing
and cheering]

[Organ playing]

Not contemplating
flight, I hope.

She's very late,
Howarth.

I can't think
what's the matter.

Brides are always late.

She's not very late,
you know.

Oh, I wish
it was all over.

You've got the ring?

Yes, of course I have.

Well, let's see it.

I told you
I have the ring.

Show it!

You really must
stop doing that.

I don't think
I can go through

with it, Howarth.

Nonsense!

No, I mean it.
I...

I think I'm going
to pass out.

Rubbish!

[Organist playing
"Wedding March"]

David:
My wife and I...

[Applause]

Well, that's all
I wanted to say, really.

[Laughter]

Except to thank you for being
with us on our happiest day,

and for all the wonderful
things that you've given us.

Um...Welshmen are supposed
to have the gift of the gab.

Well, I hope you won't mind this
one being a bit tongue-tied,

especially when he's the...
happiest man in the world.

[Applause]

That's what I call
a good speech.

Just long enough.

[Woman gasps and yelps]

[Laughter]

No, I don't remember
any Sammy Pritchard.

Oh, that's funny.

Your son knew him well,
Mrs. Powlett-Jones.

I can't seem
to place him.

Of course
you know him!

Sammy Pritchard.

Used to talk
about pythons

lurking on
the bracken beacons.

Oh. Oh, was that
Sammy Pritchard?

Pythons?

A miracle.

[Tapping on table]

Uh, ladies
and gentlemen,

my friend Howarth,
my best man,

would like
to propose a toast

to the bridesmaid.

[Applause]

Ladies and gentlemen,

before asking you
to raise your glasses

to this delightful
young lady,

I should like to say
a word or two

about my friend here.

Most of you already know the new
Mrs. Powlett-Jones very well,

and therefore, you know
how fortunate her husband is

in his choice.

Now, I have known him
for over 12 months,

and I should like
to reassure you

that she is
just as fortunate.

[Applause]

David Powlett-Jones
served for 3 years

with great gallantry

in the worst of the fighting

in the worst of the wars
this country has known.

Now, at Bamfylde School,

he is surprising
everybody,

because he is that
rare phenomenon,

a schoolmaster
more anxious to learn

than he is to teach.

[Giggling]

On behalf of Bamfylde,

I welcome
Mrs. Powlett-Jones.

Like her husband,

she will be very welcome for
the new life and stimulation

she will bring
to our community,

although it may well be
that, looking at me,

you may feel that help
has arrived too late.

Still, while there's life,
there's hope.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the bridesmaid.

[Chatter]

[Train whistle]

Well, we did it!

We did it!
We got married!

And it was all
right, wasn't it?

[Softly]
Yes.

What was the best
bit for you?

I don't know.

Well, the best bit
for me was when

Griff turned out
to know the woman

who bred
the vicar's bulldog!

No, it wasn't, really.

The best bit was right
at the beginning,

when I turned round
and I saw you.

I knew everything
was going to be

all right then.

Hey, wasn't Howarth
amazing,

coming out
with all that?

There's no
predicting that man.

What's the matter?
Nothing.

I mean, are you
all right?

Yes, silly, of course.

I'm just going out
in the corridor.

All right?
Yes, of course.

No.

What is it, Beth?

Come on. I'm the one
that panics, not you.

What are you scared of?

It can't be me,
because I'm--

You're scared enough
for both of us.

No, Davy.
It's not that.

It's...

What?

Look, tell me.

Well...

Oh, I can't!

Oh, this is so stupid!

But...you were
so sure of yourself

at the church,
far more so than me.

Well, I was
all right then.

Oh, I wish
you had sisters.

What have sisters
got to do with it?

Well...if you had
sisters...

Well...something
awful's happened.

Well, not really awful.
It's just...

Well, tonight...
we won't be able to...

Well, it must have been
all the excitement.

Oh!

That's why I kept
dashing off and all that.

Oh, David,
I'm so sorry!

I had it
all worked out.

I'm sure
I got it right.

Oh, Beth!

I didn't know what
it could be!

Pull the blinds,
David.

Hey, people can't
tell from walking

down the corridor,
you know.

Don't make fun of me.

Hey, what's
the ticket inspector

going to think?

I don't care.

Oh! I feel such a fool!

You're supposed to think
of all that sort of thing

if you're a girl,
you know.


Honestly!

It wasn't due for
at least another week.

Must have been
all the excitement.

Hey.

Is it all right, me telling
you things like this?

Yes. I like it.

All new stuff to me,
but I like it.

Oh, David.

I do love you!

[Door opens]

Man:
Tickets, please.

Sorry to disturb
you, sir.

Um...m-my wife...

wasn't feeling
very well.

That's quite
all right, sir.

Sorry
to disturb you.

I won't be back
again, sir.

I could lock you in,
if you like, sir.

Oh, no! No. That
won't be necessary.

Right, sir.

Have a good holiday,
madam.

[Laughter]

"No, thanks.
That won't be necessary.

My wife isn't feeling
very well, you know."

[Giggling]

Do you feel cheated
of your rights?

Outraged!

I don't feel shy
about it anymore.

Do you?

No, I don't.

Hey.

I think this
is going to be

a really good
honeymoon.

Best we've ever had.

Man: Thank you, sir.

Good morning.

I feel such a fraud.
Don't you?

No. Why?

Well, they're all going,
"I say, by George,

honeymoon couple."

Well, we are one.

Little do they know
our dread secret.

Mustn't let them
get too close.

No, we mustn't.

Why mustn't we?

The eyes give it away.

I used to know a chap
in the trenches

who said he could tell...

a virgin or not

by the size of the pupil
in relation to the cornea.

Do you think
they'd throw us out

of the hotel
if they knew?

Oh, yes, certainly.

Oh, I was afraid
of that.

Here comes the chap
to take the order.

Act normally.
Right.

Good morning, sir.
Morning, madam.

Good morning.
Good morning.

I trust you slept well.

Oh, yes.
Thank you.

Like two logs.

Excellent.

May I take your order
for breakfast?

Yes.

Uh, porridge?

Bacon and eggs--
two eggs.

Uh, sausage, tomato.
Kidneys?

Yes.

Kidneys, toast,
marmalade,

and coffee for two.

Jolly good for you, sir.

[Yawning]

I mean, we never did

get much courting
done, did we?

Well, we're making up
for it now.

I mean, there were
such a lot of things

to do in between
kissing and...

I hope you're not

getting
too impatient.

Oh, no.

I'd like us to go on

sort of making it up
together,

as if no one had ever
thought of it before.

That sounds nice.

And that's how it's
going to be.

Beth: Oh, Davy!

It's so easy.
Mmm.

Oh, I didn't know
it could be so...

astonishingly marvelous.

Oh, I did.

I knew you'd be
wonderful.

You are wonderful.

No, I'm not.

Yes.
I must admit I am.

Quite right, too.

This is going to make me
insufferably conceited.

Oh, no.
You're perfect.

See what I mean?

Oh, Davy.

I hope I have a baby
right away.

[Laughter]

I mean as soon
as I can.

Is that all right?

'Course it is.

Do you want one
very much, then?

Mm-hmm.

Not just for me.

Almost more for you.

I mean, you've seen
so much death

and suffering.

Be like something to put
against all that.

Does that seem silly?

No.

A w*r memorial--

the only kind
that makes any sense.

I'm starving.

Oh!

That's the one I favor,
Mr. Carter.

Ah, yes. Yes.
That's very dignified.

You don't like the one
with the angel?

Now, that's
very artistic, I say.

[Groans]

Not that I go in for
that sort of thing

very much myself.

Nor do I.

I don't want anything

that people can call
vulgar and showy.

I know that's what
they'll expect of me,

but it's not what
they're going to get.

I want something simple.

As you say, dignified.

And with this one,

you can see where
the money's gone.

I always like to see
where the money's gone,

as I want other
people to see it, too.

So this is the one,
Mr. Carter.

Um, I think I should
tell you, Alderman,

that the whole scheme

is going to meet
with some opposition.

The headmaster's convening
a committee to discuss it.

He's not against it,
is he?

Oh, no, no. He's too canny
to commit himself.

He hasn't asked me
onto this committee.

I'm sure he couldn't
refuse you, Alderman.

Should I have a word
with him about it?

No. Leave it.
I'll bide my time.

I'm used to opposition,

and I'm used to getting
my way in the end.

Well, here it is.

Good gracious me!

It's worse
than I remembered.

Has old Brewer been keeping
his cows in here?

Just one of his
laborers, sir.

Now I'm going to have
one of my laborers

living in it, eh?

Will I ever live it down?

They'll be calling me

the Wackford Squeers
of Bamfylde.

Oh, it's not that bad.

How much is he
stinging you for, David?




Typical peasant robbery.

I bet he hasn't paid
a penny

towards putting
it right.

Oh, you'd win
your bet there.

Did you drag that lovely
young girl down here

from a perfectly nice
nurses' home

to live in picturesque
squalor in a hovel?

You must be
a very persuasive chap.

Oh, Beth thinks
it's wonderful.

Beth.
She does, does she?

Well, so it is, too.

Hello, Davy!
Ah!

Oh, hello, Mr. Herries.

[Chuckling]

I brought the headmaster
to have a look at the cottage.

Yes. He didn't want to.
I had to make him.

Oh, well, lucky I had
my best dress on.

That's very nice.

And I like your taste
in furniture,

Mrs. Powlett-Jones.

Well, thank you,
Mr. Herries.

Would you like to sit
in the place of honor?

Oh, thank you
very much.

Beth, you can't
put him there.

I'm fine here.

Would you care for a glass
of wine, Mr. Herries?

There is nothing I'd like
better, Mrs. Powlett-Jones.

We haven't got
any wine.

Oh, yes, we have.
Found some in the cupboard.

Elderberry. Old Brewer must
have forgotten about it.

It's all right, David.

She--she's got me
well worked out.

Oh, something
I wanted to ask you.

I've got a boring
little chore for you.

You know, there's
a sort of committee

to discuss plans
for the w*r memorial.

I thought we'd like
to have you on it,

well, representing
the interests

of the younger
old boys, eh?

But I'm not an old boy.

How you do put your finger
on these little snags.

"Not an old boy."
What a blow.

I had thought of that,
you know.

What I thought was
that you'd been

through the same experiences

as the chaps
I'm thinking about.

We'd like
to have your views.

Oh, thank you very much,
but I--

I feel it's only fair
to warn you, though,

that w*r memorials are
not much in my line.

Splendid. Splendid.
That's exactly what we want.

You just come along
and speak your mind.

[Door opens]

Herries:
Ah, here we are.

Oh, thank you.

To Mr. and Mrs.
Powlett-Jones

in their new home.

Thank you very much.

Yum-Yum!
I beg your pardon.

Yum-Yum. I won't take
no for an answer.

Can you sing?

'Course I can sing,
Mr. Herries.

There you are, then.
It's all settled.

You're Yum-Yum,
I'm Ko-Ko, he's--

no, I think we'll let
him off this one.

Oh, you see, I'm going
to revive the Savoy operas.

We haven't had one here
since before the w*r.

And you are going to be
our leading lady.

Oh, I am clever,

k*lling two birds
with one stone, eh?

[Chuckles]

I'm going too fast
for you, David.

Well, never mind.
Your wife will explain.

So, Colonel Blood came
to the conclusion

that what he needed to do
was something outrageous,

something that would make
the whole nation

sit up and take notice

and do Colonel Blood
a bit of good

into the bargain.

So he hit upon
the most amazing plan.

What do you think he did?

What would you do

if you wanted to do
something outrageous?

Yes, Kassava.

Sir, I would blow up

the Houses
of Parliament.

Well, yes, that's
a very good idea,

but that had been
tried before,

and Colonel Blood wanted
to do something original.

So what he did decide to do

was to steal
the Crown Jewels.

[Bell rings]

But as to how
he went about it

and just what
happened to him,

you'll have to wait
until tomorrow.

[All groaning]

[Piano playing]

Splendid! Splendid!

Of course, you've got
to remember you'll feel

much more like
little Japanese girls

when you've got your
costumes on, won't you, eh?

All right, go on.
Off you go.

Now, my dear,

could we just have the end
of your solo once more

just from, uh,
"Pray, make no mistake"?

Ah, pray make no mistake

We are not shy

We're very wide awake

The moon and I

Ah, pray make no mistake

We are not shy

We're very wide awake

The moon and I

Oh, it's coming
along, eh?

It's coming along!

Oh, I think
we'll stop there.

Now, all you Japanese
ladies, go on.

Off you go. Play rugby.

And you know, you're
still galumphing around

like a lot
of railway navvies.

If you can't learn to Titipu
about on your tiptoes,

I'm going to hobble your
ankles and bind your feet.

Yes. Go on.

You've been warned.
Off you go.

I saw Dr. Willoughby today.

I am.

What?

Pregnant, silly!

Well, isn't it marvelous?

Oh,

yes!

Oh!

But what
about this?

Oh, yes. Oh, dear.

How can we tell
Mr. Herries?

How can we tell
Mr. Herries what?

Um, I'm afraid that
Beth's gonna have

to withdraw
from the production.

What?!

I'm gonna have
a baby, you see.

Oh, what splendid news!

But, oh, you mustn't
think of dropping out,

my dear.

It won't affect
your voice, I'm sure.

But surely you can't
have a production

of "The Mikado"

with Yum-Yum
great with child.

'Course we can.

Oh, never let it
be said

that Bamfylde
was afraid of innovation.

Now, you're Yum-Yum,
and don't you forget it.

With your husband's
consent, of course.

So there I was, you see,

my first night
away from home,

standing on the pavement
in my new uniform

half past 11:00
at night,

and locked out
of the nurses' home.

What did you do,
Mrs. Powlett-Jones?

I climbed in, of course.
I was petrified.

I was sure I'd be caught
and sent home

on the first morning train.

But it wasn't even
your fault.

I know, but I was sure
no one would believe me.

No. They never do.

I think you'll find
a kindred spirit, Beth.

Oh, I think they're
all kindred spirits.

Come on, Kassava.
Have another chocoly.

No, thank you.
I'm beastly full.

Well, I'm delighted
to hear it.

Your little brother's
coming next year, isn't he?

Yes, he is.

Then I shall become
Kassava Major.

Mmm. And you'll be able
to introduce him

to all your mates.

Mates,
Mrs. Powlett-Jones?

Oh, dear. Friends.

"Mates" is what
common people say, like me.

But you're not common,
Mrs. Powlett-Jones.

David: No, she isn't.
Well said.

Look, Beth, I'm sorry.
I got to go.

It's that committee meeting
at the headmaster's.

Oh, look, there's no need
for anyone else to go.

I shall be late.

Well, cheerio, sir.

Bye-bye, sir.
Good-bye, sir.

Now, I wonder
if any of you fancy

helping me whitewash
the scullery.

Cooper: What is it
supposed to represent?

[Clears throat]

An angel poised
on a globe, Brigadier,

representing
the embattled world.

Poppycock.

Hear, hear.

Tosh, gibberish,
and nonsense angels.

Herries: That's
one thing settled.

No angels, eh?

Well, I must say
I'm relieved.

I knew every one
of them boys--

workers, slackers,
rum characters,
and heroes, too.

Not an angel among 'em,
I'm glad to say.

So it's going to be
the infantryman

or the plain stone cross.

Is that what we're saying?

Hmm. Any views?

Powlett-Jones, we haven't
heard from you yet.

Um, yes, well,
you may not like this,

but as an ex-serviceman,

I got to express
an opinion.

Those things
are meaningless to me.

All three of them.

In fact, I go further
than that.

Monuments like that seem
to me to be a mockery

of all that we thought
we were fighting for.

Who's he?
Powlett-Jones.

Bit of a Bolshie.

Well, do you have
any positive suggestions,

Mr. Powlett-Jones?

Yes, I do.

If £5600 is going to be spent
on a memorial to the dead,

why can't it be spent
on something practical?

Such as what?

A gymnasium to replace
the old covered playground.

Modern cooking equipment
in the kitchen.

Even a dynamo down
by the piggeries

to supply us
with our own electricity.

A piggery's not
a w*r memorial.

Herries: Now, now,
Cordwainer, be fair.

It's certainly
worth considering.

What do you say, Carter?

With respect,
Headmaster, no.

It is out of step

with the sentiment
behind the gift.

Mr. Blunt would
not favor it.

You could at least
consult him on the matter.

Well, I have done so,
as a matter of fact,

Powlett-Jones.

And Alderman Blunt
wants a proper job done.

He favors the stone cross.

Well, then, that's that.

I suppose we
should be glad

he didn't want
the angel, eh?

Well, that's settled,
then, eh?

I was asked here

to represent the interests
of the old boys.

Well, we don't know
what they are.

Don't you think
we ought to find out

before we accept?

Nearly 100 fell,

but 6 times that number
served and survived.

I propose that we put it

to the O.B.A. meeting
at Easter

and get their views.

Not on.
The offer might be

withdrawn by then,
don't you see?

Settle for
the bird in hand.

My sentiments
exactly, sir.

We don't want to give
Alderman Blunt the impression

that we're looking
a gift horse in the mouth.

Now, I move an amendment
that we accept the money now

and put the work in hand
straightaway.

Stout fellow.

In favor?

Against?

Carried.

And thank you all
very much

for giving
your time to this.

Finished?

Not half finished.

I've got an essay to do
for the history degree.

I've got two sets
of books to mark,

and I can't concentrate
on either one of them.

I keep seeing
that busted, smug face.

Which bust is that,
then, Davy?

Carter.

He sums up everything

that's wrong with this
school.

Ooh, poor chap.

Carter's all right.

He knows how to get
the right people

on his side.

He made me look a bloody
fool at that meeting.

Oh, come on, Davy.
I'm sure you're exaggerating.

No, I'm not. He had it
all worked out.

He knew exactly what
I was going to say.

Well, I'm not
going to give up.

Well, you've got to,
haven't you?

I mean, they voted
and everything.

You did your best.
Forget it.

No.

No, I'm not going
to give up that easily.

Well, you won't get
that committee

around, will you?

Hey, why not just get in
behind the pavilion

and give him a straight
left to the jaw?

Don't be
so bloody silly.

Don't shout at me.

Oh, Davy, where's
your sense of humor gone?

I think I've lost it
over this, Beth.

You think I'm making a fuss
about nothing, do you?

No, I don't.

I think you're right,
really, and it's a shame

you couldn't get them
to see it your way.

A shame?

Yes. That's all.

David, a w*r memorial

isn't going to hurt
anyone, is it?

I think this--

Go on.

I think this thing's
about the w*r

you still can't think
quite straight about.

Oh?

I was in the w*r.
You weren't.

How can I expect you
to understand?

I do.

You want me to think
you're perfect, don't you?

'Course I don't.

Yes, you do.

And you are for me.

But you can't expect
everyone to see you

the way I do, can you?

[Laughs]
God forbid.

What you gonna do, then?

I'm going to circularize
all the old boys,

all the ones we've got
addresses for,

ask them
what they think.

Is it worth it, Davy?

I think so, yes.

Who's going to lick
all the envelopes, then?

Well, I had hoped
you might help me.

Herries:
Well, now, gentlemen,

I've reconvened
the memorial committee

because some of our members

felt there was room
for further discussion.

We're gluttons for work,
you see, Alderman Blunt.

We can't get enough of it.

We'll be glad if you get
on with it, Mr. Herries.

I got an appointment at 6:00.

I'm sure we very much
appreciate your giving us

your valuable time.

Now, at the last meeting,

there was a general feeling
that the stone cross

would be the most suitable
form of monument.

I believe you favor that
yourself, Mr. Blunt, hmm?

That's correct.

And then Mr. Powlett-Jones
there raised a general issue

which I thought was
well worth following out.

Perhaps you'd like to
explain yourself, eh, P.J.?

Yes, um, thank you.

[Clears throat]

Well, as you know,
at the last meeting,

I felt that the views
of the old boys

who fought in the w*r
should be consulted

as to the nature
of the memorial.

Well, I wrote to them.

I've had over 400 replies,

and here they are if anybody
wants to read them.

Um...


form of conventional monument

like the stone cross.

All the rest, over 350,
asked that the memorial

should be of some practical
value to the school.

That's all.

I think you deserve
our thanks

for making
so much effort.

Well, I certainly think

this is well worth
considering, hmm?

Any views?
Brigadier?

Well, I'd say
young Powlett-Jones

has given us something
to think about there.

Got a point, huh?

Headmaster,
might I have a word?

Go ahead. Of course.

Well, as you know, I am
an ex-serviceman myself,

and I hesitate to go
against the Brigadier.

But I see the memorial
as a tribute

from those who survived
to those who fell,

a magnificent tribute

thanks to the generosity
of Alderman Blunt.

Why something as huge
and useless as that?

Good God, man,
they didn't die

for a stone cross,
surely.

If I might finish what I
was going to say, Headmaster.

Of course.
Carry on, Carter.

Well, I was going to say
that as a schoolmaster,

thinking of the boys, now,

a proper memorial is going
to mean more to them

than an addition
to the school buildings.

Useful though that may be,

they'll soon forget
that a building

is anything other
than a building,

whereas a memorial,

something that they
see every day,

well, it'll keep
before their eyes[/I]

the courage and sacrifice
of the men who died,

and it will remind them

that there are
higher things in life

than their petty
day-to-day concerns.

And if that makes me sound
like an idealist,

I make no apologies.

It's not a question--

And there
is one other thing.

I'd like to see
the wording of the letter

that Mr. Powlett-Jones
sent out.

I mean, it's not difficult
to get your way

if you have a gift
with words.

I'm sure that if it
were put to them properly,

the majority
might go the other way.

I resent
that suggestion.

Here's the letter

if anybody wants
to read it!

I also resent
Mr. Carter's implication

that he has a monopoly
of idealism around here!

If this w*r was fought
for anything,

if any good's going
to come out of it,

it has to be
a determination

to make this world
a better place.

And here we've got
a chance to do something

about it
instead of wallowing

in the tragedy
that's behind us.

Well, thank you, gentlemen.

We seem to have a little
difference of opinion here.

Perhaps we should put it
to the vote, hmm?

I'd be very happy
to propose that the--

Blunt: Just a moment,
young man.

Let's just be clear
what you'll be voting on.

I promised the money
for a memorial.

That's a memorial.

A memorial is one thing.

A gymnasium's another.

I know that.
You know that.

I'm surprised
you've tried it on.

Haven't you heard
that I don't take kindly

to people choosing
how I spend my money?

If you vote,

you'll be voting
for a proper memorial

or for nothing at all.

Well, that,
I would say, is that.

I'm sure we would
have no wish

to vote on that,
Alderman Blunt.

I think we should.

In that case,
I propose formally

that we accept
Alderman Blunt's

generous offer of
a stone cross memorial.

Seconded?

Yeah.

In favor?

Against?

Carried.

Carter: Powlett-Jones,

just a word, old man.

[Chuckles]

Oh, no hard feelings
about that, I hope.

You had a good try,

but there was no moving
him, was there?

You don't look
too sorry about it.

Look, um,

just a word
in your ear, old man.

You're still pretty new
here, aren't you?

You can't be expected

to know how to handle
the locals like Blunt.

Now, it so happens that
I was born and bred

in this part of
the country,

and I know these chaps.

Rather you than me.

Yes, well, handled
the right way,

they can be
damn useful to us.

Do you think
I care tuppence

about a w*r memorial?

What I want is
a decent physics lab,

and we'll get one, too,

if we play Blunt
the right way.

Now, obviously,

he wants something to show
for his money first.

So, we let him spend

the first 500
the way he wants,

he'll end up endowing us
very handsomely.

You want his kind
of money that much?

Why not? It's as good as
anyone else's, isn't it?

No, it isn't!

It comes from soaking
the government

when they didn't
have a choice.

I hate those b*stards
who sat tight

and made a fortune
out of the w*r.

I got a damn sight
more time

for the conscientious
objectors.

Yes, well, that's
a very high moral tone

to adopt at your age,
isn't it?

Why don't you toddle
down to Blunt's bank?

You see if his money
smells any different

from yours or mine.

Listen.

I slept in barrack huts
built by men like that!

Unseasoned timber
they were,

and they worked out
about 5 bob a foot,

rotting underneath
and cold all night!

A shilling a day
we bloody got

for keeping Alderman Blunt
safe back home

where no nasty Germans
could get at him!

I wouldn't expect you
to understand that.

You never did get over
the Channel, did you?

I think you'd better
get ahold of yourself.

To hell with Blunt
and everyone like Blunt!

I feel like spitting

every time I pass
his bloody memorial!

And you can tell him so
from me if you like.

You seem to be
his bosom pal.

But I don't like, old man.

I have better manners
than that.

Oh, dear.

Oh, Davy.

Which bloody man
was it this time?

Two bloody men--
Blunt and Carter.

Oh, that's not fair.

I say it isn't.

I can't even cope
with Carter on his own.

Oh, Beth.

It's a good job I got
a long walk home.

Gives me time
to simmer down a bit.

I was wondering

if you'd kick
the front door down.

Well, I decided
I'm going to blow up

their bloody memorial.

Let them pick the bones
out of that.

David, you don't
mean it.

No, I think I'm
over it now, Beth.

Oh, dear.

I said some things
to Carter

that will be all over
the school in the morning.

I don't know what
he does to me, that man.

Never mind.

You've got a lot
that he hasn't got.

What?

A woman who loves you.

David?
Hmm?

Dr. Willoughby
came today, and he

brought a gynecologist
friend from Bristol.

What for?

Well, it's nothing
too bad.

Um, have you got any
twins in your family?

Twins?

That's what
they think.

Is it all right?

Yes, of course it is.

Oh, it's just when
you said "gynecologist"

I got so scared.

No wonder I'm so big.

Do you still want me
like this?

Mmm. 'Course I do.

Now?

Oh, particularly now.

I thought your mind
was on higher things.

Like what?

w*r memorials.
w*r memorials.

Good God. I must
have been bloody mad.

No tea?

Tea?

Afterwards.