01x03 - Basic Win-stincts

[bunniefuu]

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did you ever wonder what happens after

the game ends sh**t I'm late for dinner

welcome to the other side

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[Applause]

I got the skills to pay the

bills I'm on

you hey somebody get a picture of

this 36 see no butter

[Applause]

G

participant High

rule any of you know where the icy Chasm

of disfigurement is yeah right here just

so you know I'm bailing on jym tomorrow

h no you're not why it's just the

popular girls showing off their bodies

and making everyone everyone else feel

like crap that sounds awful hey uh

where's your school and what time's

jimm sh**t I think I can

help however I offer no guarantees why

do I even bothered the uranium monkey

has been missing since before Pitfall

Harry's days uranium hey Mom if you do

find it could you not touch my breakfast

for like 160,000 years whoa whoa hey

Rael look how big your check is someone

made a mistake cash it cash it fast it's

not a mistake rip oh right cuz you're

paid once a month no I'm not I'm paid

every week well I guess I'm not doing

the math right cuz it seems like you

might be getting paid a little bit more

than

me times

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four in every contest there can be only

one

participant you got a trophy for just

up I didn't you show up Dad I stayed I

guess it's good for

self-esteem you think he needs more

self-esteem got it in my mouth I

rule you got to earn a trophy Billy or

it just doesn't feel right then you must

feel so very wrong

rip come on give me a hug I win plenty

fats so p on

what the

hell here's the most recent one

boss it's come to my attention we

haven't won in a while anyway that all

changes today Alonzo how's the car

perfect shars perfect tires just the way

you like them Chief filled with soup

filled with soup did I say soup I'm in a

I had soup for

breakfast nothing wrong with soup for

breakfast who's ready to

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win tires need to be

realigned no

hurry I got it I got it

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oh nice sweatshirt

malice yeah why aren't you wearing your

uniform well let's see um I don't want

to be objectified I don't want to play

into stereotypes and if I want to pack

sand in my butt I'll do it on my own

time translation she is flat aha

hey where'd the ball

go oh I've got to k*ll a stomach

ache hey kid I need you to pick me up

something from the drugstore can't busy

well I guess you're too busy for some

well-deserved recognition another trophy

I need some an acid some

Licorice and the cheapest bourbon

they've got and uh get some lemonade for

yourself thanks did I say you I meant me

and make it snappy

papy I

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[Applause]

am the uranium

monkey it's

beautiful cute

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later Sparks you know the city code

prohibits Subterranean drill noose pods

after 6 it's 5 after exactly hey got

yourself a monkey huh please it's not

just any monkey Sam it's

uranium boy that must put a lot of

strain on your marriage what with you

finding all those monkeys while rip

can't go 10 ft without crashing but it's

all

good punk

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a*s oh bad day not too bad only blew up

four times in three races how about you

any progress on the monkey dour monkey

what

monkey actually

rip oh sorry Sam didn't see

you we wanted to talk to you about

yesterday at the game why you hit me

right in the boobs but not with the ball

with your

words I I did yeah Alice what did you

mean when you said that stuff about

stereotypes and being

objectified we're programmed to think

that we have to show off our bodies to

every skey guy but we don't I don't oh

so that's why you wear that camouflage

sweatshirt every single day no I wear it

because it's soft and because this world

is so upside down and messed up and

perverted sometimes it feels like I need

camouflage just to stay alive W oh and I

have hairy arms

wow here you go turbo eh eh eh and the

award goes

to went to store this is to all the

haters who didn't think I could go to

the store you'll know who you

are oh

ah Western medicine treats the symptoms

never to cause Billy how would you like

a trophy for picking up some herbs down

in Chinatown a Chinese trophy yeah Tick

Tock numnuts

what is this H looks like a uranium

monkey to me

uranium all this has to be treated very

carefully where' Billy get this I found

it in Raquel's bathroom why didn't

Raquel tell you about it that's a good

question you didn't ask if I had to

wager I'd say she pies you she doesn't

Pity Me

yeah you're right she just makes more

than you and basically kicks your a*s at

everything no she doesn't all right babe

I'll see you later tonight love

you I don't know about you but for me

that was tremendously

awkward hey Alice what

the Tiffany Amber Brandy what's going on

you know the world is so upside down and

preferred did it's so great to finally

be my own person but you're all wearing

my own sweatshirt I don't want every

sleazy jerk looking at my body I don't

want every skeezy popular girl to look

like me look if you want to be an

individual you'll never get there by

copying me m how do you spell

copying oh you're up late yeah sh**ting

some uh oops want to play a little no I

think I'm going to

bed do nothing me come on what are you

scared Scaredy Pants scaredy panty

baby I don't want to play

rip 40 it's a

Slaughter it's like going up against a

brick wall isn't

it RI I don't want to

play How You Like Me Now [ __ ] oh it's

pretty sneaky Rael wouldn't expect you

to sneak around like

that you ready to go to bed now cuz I'm

just getting warmed

up hello

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what was that you missed it on

purpose no I didn't yes you did I know

you Raquel you don't miss layups you are

pitying me I am not yes you are you are

pitying me and I

win

rip rip

oh first danzel then hie now me and of

course the great Sydney portier we have

firmly knocked down the door Billy what

the hell are you wearing all the cool

kids are wearing this sweatshirt but you

wouldn't know anything about that it's

my sweatshirt I've been wearing it every

day for the last eight years I wish you

could hear yourself right now

sad what are you going to do I'm getting

my identity back can you wait until

after I swing by Tony

RAS a place for

ribs hey Brandy it's Alice anyway you

and the girls have got to meet me at the

mall our sweatshirts are great but I

feel like we're only halfway

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there why are you

here

touchdown I don't know wife sent me

Ripley smash and burn get your a*s in

here

touch so rip what brings you here well

the thing is I've been going through

some rough D what are you doing this

technique allows you to answer questions

without editing yourself we did discuss

this never discuss this oh well then you

must have been very surprised where were

we where to start my wife isn't doing as

well as me and she's

jealous okay I'm not doing as well as

her and I'm the jealous

one that was the truth I know machine

stuck come

on the thing is she has so many

accomplishments that she started to hide

them from me meanwhile I can't win a

race so you want to win yes but I think

that no no no no no you think that's

your problem a race car driver's

greatest asset is his instincts

instincts equal instincts but when you

think you turn wind stinks into think

stinks and think stinks stink now say it

back to

me I can't all I forget that say this

winner at work winner at home winner at

work winner at home come on winner at

work winner at home winner at work

winner at home again winner at work

winner at home let me hear it from your

lug nuts winner at work winner at home I

am a winner

I am a

winner touch

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you hey jerbo I got all

your

oh damn he's

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good

wow can I you in a trophy bowling

archery uh space

invading anyone can come in here and

just buy a trophy from you yeah that's

why we call it Ken's trophy store I'm

Ken the troll with the mole and I Mike

the mole on the troll and we won't be

unold

yeah it really makes you wonder what the

point of everything is don't you think

Ken

Mike I'm a troll it's been sober for 18

days we best not go down that road it's

been a rocky couple

weeks well if you're just going to sell

trophies without making anyone do

anything to earn

them I'll take one of

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everything yeah

nice bike Brandy it's Tiffany no problem

everybody makes that

mistake I've got winners wa W hey Alice

what's the deal you're objectifying

yourself so this is my body and no one's

going to tell me what to do with it what

but what about all that stuff you said

before about being modest that's all

true I'm trying to tell you just to be

true to yourself

not to follow the first person you meet

who has a point of view what so you can

wear a bikini everywhere and expose 98%

of your body at all times and treat

yourself like an object for boys to

drool over if you want

great hi Brandon

or or you can have some measure of

self-respect well at least you get it

what's your name turba

I thought your stomach was k*lling you

there was a thumbtack stuck in my fat

Roll All

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Along hello rockel how do you know my

name I've been expecting you are you

really as wise as Dr Zed said you are

speak okay so I went back to work last

year because the kidss were getting

older and my husband was into it too but

now I'm doing better than he is and it

feels like we're competing against each

other in a real relationship one does

not keep count and one does not hide

anything monkey Seeker you're right but

what can I do now stay here for the next

s years and train under me as my naked

maid only then will we attain wisdom

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wa out of my way

back that's

to learn to drive mix early

RI I have to talk to you is it a good

time I've kind of in the middle of

something here I've been thinking than

stink stink em Ras

it I'm sorry rip I just I should have

told you about the

monkey I was trying to protect protect

you no you're right I've been losing a

lot now I have to win win at work win at

home babe would you love me any less if

I didn't bring home a monkey every week

of course not then why would you think

that I'd care if you brought home a

stupid trophy I don't want to compete

with you but I don't want to compete

with you more that was a joke it's not

you against me rip it's us against the

world

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then let's win us a

[Applause]

race oo nice driving you see what I have

to deal with with these guys watch

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this nice shot

coming up on your

[Applause]

right

sorry no

biggy I was going to give this to Billy

yeah he won't miss it he prefers lizards

[Applause]

rly smashion BD wins it's up in Mir wooo

Y what about your

trophy I'm looking at

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her Billy it's it's your turn can't not

now you know having this number of

trophies isn't just an honor it's a

responsibility Billy it's not the number

of trophies that matters it's the

size sing it with me

rip e e

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d

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