01x05 - Into The Woods

[bunniefuu]

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did you ever wonder what happens after

the game ends sh**t I'm late for dinner

welcome to the other side

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oh hey

neighbor sorry rip the Mrs hates it when

I do

that well you do have a tendency to get

drunk and sh**t

stuff like

everybody what are you up to rip waiting

to throw the old ball around with my son

in a couple of years he'll be too old

cherish these days rip cherish them

Soldier

outstanding hey Pops let's make this

fast I'm rolling calls what are he up

with the mmers here's your glove

yo getting another call Peace Out ready

Billy it's the Billy talk to talk heads

up a damn dad you trying to k*ll you

Billy throw the

ball doggy it's time to reveal the

latest fashion the jog BR from boys how

do you like me

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now hi

sexy where are you going

no I didn't want to wake you uh sexy you

were snoring real loud I know a damn

Mexican

rhinoplasty last night was

beautiful I can't wait to do it again

and again and again and again and again

and again and again and again again

again come on I'll make your sloppy joe

vindel

see you no more Puerto Rican

rum hey kids common here when I'm not

rapping about the virtues of medicinal

marijuana AKA The Chronic I'm out on the

front lines in a fight against magic

cookies say this ordinary lab animal

here is your brain this would be your

brain on Magic

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that's why you should stay off the magic

cookies peace out y'all

yeah wow that looks terrible for you I

know we got to get some Friday works for

me you get the cookie dough I'll get the

Magic chips M I don't know my mom's like

a super narc she'd be able to smell

cookie crumbs on me if I was even

talking about hey kids everything okay

in here

mhm something's wrong I just don't know

what it is yeah I don't mean to be

prejudiced but do we really want our

daughter hanging out with an

elf I believe the correct term is elf

and American what the hell are you

wearing only the latest

fashion is more impressionable than I'd

hoped gee what makes you think that he

can dress up like a tree but he can't

have a catch with his dad now what kind

of boy can't have a catch with his Dad

he just needs to be unplugged maybe I

should take him camping look me

blinks start

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packing so you seem to be spending a lot

of time with Zenna lately I

guess but you know High School a

Whirlwind pasti of short-lived

friendships the only common thread of

which is growing

up I know you're at the age where

there's a lot of pressure for you to

experiment with different things and I

want you to feel free to talk to me

about that sort of stuff oh totally I

would totally tell you

Mom Mom paper towels you said you needed

paper towels what oh forget it we'll get

them next time no they're on tail there

is no next time all

right I believe I was here first no

actually I was here

first bring this up

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quick price check on cookie dough price

check on

cookie could you just put it in the bag

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oh can we go in a minute

dear yellow oh hello cutie Ramona H

how'd you get this number I tried them

all I got to

go ah so what do you want to do tonight

h a little take out rent the DVDs Ramona

you know we have no future don't you

[Applause]

uhoh tonight we have no future

tonight go back home and I'll call you

tomorrow

is all right thank you

brother I'm in serious

trouble jazzed about our adventure so

where we going you're not going anywhere

my son and I are going to a meadow

nestled between two forests where the

apple trees are in full bloom and the

brisk air reminds us of what it means to

be alive you know I know a better place

wow that place does sound better you've

never been to my place how big's the

biggest apple you ever ate at your

campsite uh foot tall mine's 111 ft

we're there

hello what what do we do eat it all at

once or or just nibble should we dunk it

in milk or does it become magic milk

then eat them however you want we'll

just need something to get the smell off

our breath when we're done and that's

why I brought these cookies if we ate

gum they'd know we were eating cookies

but if we eat cookies that means we

weren't eating

cookies it's a

thinker try this one it's a 30 o 6 you

can drop a deer from 500

M great we'll fish for breakfast and

hunt for

dinner that boy needs to learn the

basics my sure you want to do

this this is what it takes to have a

catch with my son

then yeah

epic whoa check this

out

no

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no WAOW they're working already and we

haven't even taking a bite uh Hey man

bad trip bad trip

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what have we here well uh I'm going

camping see

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you hey hey yo you actually know where

you're going at all I think we're

getting pretty close to Jon ofo's

childhood

home where the hell are the apples shut

up you're stressing me out

and uh yep we're

here great the trees out well let's set

up camp the first thing we're going to

need is uh food yes now you're talking

whoops whoops do you think any of this

stuff is

edible ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow delicious

yes in my house you eat magic cookies in

my house we didn't eat them Mom this is

what you mean by being open with me

lying to my face I suppose you're going

to tell me that these cookies aren't

yours that you holding them for

somebody that's true Mrs S this is all a

big mistake see I was holding them for

Sully and Sy was holding them for Alice

and Alice was holding them for you Mrs

smash and burn quiet elf excuse me

believe the term is elf and American can

we leave you will be released at an

appropriate time well within the

boundaries of the Geneva Convention

Alice you are grounded you are never to

see Zenna again you are never to see

Sully again you will see the garage

again because you're going to be

cleaning it up for the rest of your

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life Rael in

college Miss Goody Two Shoes the perfect

nerdy mom who did everything right since

the moment she was

born our Crazy Summer H so crazy as

scrapbooked

it no

way magic

cookies mom you are so

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busted I finished cleaning up the garage

I know you think I'm being harsh but

it's well known that magic cookies are a

Gateway snack how would you know Mom

it's not like you ever ate magic cookies

or have

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you what a question now go to

bed so you did eat them I didn't say

that so you didn't eat them Alice Mom

I'm asking you a simple

question no I didn't eat them

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uhuh uh something else I was wondering

have you ever lied to

me thought

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so son how do you like it here in the

forest do you hear something ringing

hello it's the

Billy can you hear me

now can you hear me

now Billy you all right there man those

dogs look

hungry those are

squirrs what if they're not wearing

these sneakers anymore back home and

these

sunglasses what if they're over what if

they're not everywhere I look the forest

is mocking me those dogs are the

worst haters

haters again Billy squirrels they're

little Tails Dad read the signs it's

right in your face tail up Billy's not

cool Billy Billy We're alone here in the

forest you can decide what's cool out

here but they're all eating acorns all

of them that means

yes acorns are the must eaten n of the

Season they're

in hello and one for

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you my face my face they're eating my

face hello hey girly what's your dad's

deductible I I can barely hear you where

are you oh uh we're out here at Mount

wotika

woa we get married in the

snow

Ramona

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whoops oh man I haven't myself

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out you're going to miss a great party

at zenna's basketball

head hm if we don't have trust what do

we

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have what the

H hi Mom I was just going to mow the

lawn you think I only put laser

detectors around your room you insult me

well you insult me take a look at

this top right

pocket I've always regretted that night

nights and afternoons look at that mid

early mornings how do you feel now

hypocrite ow you're right Alice I am

being a hypocrite but what I did was a

huge mistake and I know I'm supposed to

let you make your own mistakes but I

just wish you could learn from mine so

go to the party if you want I love you

no matter what wow thanks Mom sure Alice

by the way the more you resist a trap

the tighter it gets uh mom mom

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hello gorgeous

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Gorge oh I'm starving

dad well go sh**t us some grub

kid there she is kid sh**t it

why do I want to k*ll that thing

again a it's cute hey you want to eat

k*ll it everyone's doing it come on be

part of the In Crowd but I don't want

to what should I you did it Billy did

what you decided something for yourself

you stood up for something you actually

believe in years from now when when you

look back on that great man that is your

father give me the g*n I'll k*ll it no

heads up

Dad hey give me

that you know what we're

doing sure do

Dad it's fun having a catch with the old

man isn't it

yeah we should try this with a ball

sometime there you

go

why stop screwing

around and sh**t my ex-girlfriend

x what do you mean on your

a

you you oh

[Applause]

God come on Salona we had a nice night

but you and me we're like chocolate and

vanilla you go together perfectly in a

swirly cone of deliciousness bad example

different we're different you're a girl

and I'm a

guy damn it I suck at these you're wrong

we were made for each other turbo and if

I have to k*ll you to prove it I

will but I'm a I'm a republican okay I

said it are you happy now are you

happy oh not ideal but our love is

bigger than the two-party system yeah

but I support offshore oil drilling you

serious and school vouchers oh but the

school vouchers will take away crucial

funds from public schools yes Ramona but

parents should at least have the right

to choose where and how their children

are

educated but not at the cost of our

democracy oh oh no you disgust me we are

through she'll be back

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hello uh Mom hey honey what's going on

I've been doing some thinking and maybe

going to that part is not such a good

idea after all I'm proud of you Al I

really

am oh you look at that sh**ting star H

it's a amazing is anyone else having a

hard time hearing the Crickets

yeah a

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nature what honey

cookies I'm going to throw this away

maybe I should throw it away do you want

to throw it away

together hey who ate the magic

cookies I'm a bird I'm a

bird look at me I'm a

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bird I'm not a bird I thought it was a

bird

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d

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