02x12 - Sepulveda Boulevard

[bunniefuu]

We're tiny We're toony We're all a little

loony And in this cartoony, we're

invading your TV We're comic

dispensers We cut them all dispensers

On Tiny Toon Adventures, get a dose of

comedy So here's let the acres, it's a

whole wide world apart Our homes, we only

stand alone, a cartoon worth of art Let's

rest, we're rejected Expect the unexpected

to start They're free, they're funny

They're fast and busted funny Much hannah

matches money And my wreck is a pain

She's happy and plucky Disney, devil,

yucky Purple's a ducky And Gogo is

insane At Acme University, we

earn our two degrees That's the teaching

cats and getting laughs in 1933 We're

tiny, we're tiny We're all a little loony

It's tiny, tuned adventures Come and join

the funsong

is done.

Yeah. This is Sepulveda Boulevard.

San Fernando Valley. Los Angeles,

California. Someone must have tipped

those cops off about that crazy dame up

on Sepulveda Boulevard.

But, before you read about it in the

inquiry, maybe you'd like to hear it

straight from me. Hey, you at the camera!

Down here, you louse! That's me,

Montana Max. Cartoon writer.

How'd I end up here?In the gutter on

Sepulveda Boulevard?

I'll tell you if you quit with the big

music stings already. It all started six

months ago, but I remember it as if it

were today's cartoon.

One of the studio's script writers was

hot on my heels.

I'd, uh, borrowed one of his scripts.

Relax, this is Hollywood. This is the

valley, Bub. There I was, Plucky Duck,

on Sepulveda Boulevard.

What's with the voiceover, Duck?It's my

right to do a VO. I'm a member of the

union.

I do the voiceovers in this picture. Got

it, Duck.

Got it.

I needed a place to hide out. I had

landed myself in the driveway of some big

ol' mansion that looked run down and

deserted. It was like one of those

mansions the cutesy toon animators drew

back in the '30s. You remember cutesy

toons?Lucky you.

Yuck! Yoo-hoo!

What took you so long?I've been

waiting all my life for you. You're cute.

In here. I figured,

if ever there was a place to stash that

script and hide out for a few days, this

was it.

Go on, madam is facing. Hide

your feet.

Have him come upstairs, Hammy Whammy.

Upstairs?Hide your feet.

If you need help, Mr. Kitty, call for

me. I had a feeling that Butler was

wacko, but what the heck?In a couple

days, I'd be out of there, stealing more

scripts and living it up in Bel-Air,

making it with the Goth sticks.

Hello. It's game

time. Where's the kitty?

Where's the furry fuzzy wizard for vocab

head?You got me, sister.

I do. I got you already. Ugh

Back off, fruity.

You found the kitty! You win! Come

back, kitty! That was enough for me.

I was history.

Oh, please stay and play hide-a-kitty

with me. I'm

so alone.

Don't you think that I'm cute?

I recognize that voice. You're Elmira

Desmond, star of all those cutesy-toon

cartoons back in the '30s. You used to be

big. I am big!

It's the cartoons that got small.

It's her mind that got small. Nobody

wants cute anymore! Big,

fat Mr. Producer Head says Mr. John Q.

Public doesn't want cute! I don't

even know Mr. John Q. Public! What does

he want?Violets!violence!

It's not cute. Do you like

violence?Only if it's gratuitous.

Montana Max. Cartoon

writer?You didn't tell me you were a

writer. So am I.

Who isn't?So

she brought me into her inner sanctum to

talk shop. Meanwhile, the camera did this

endless, tricky, 360-degree pan that

never really paid off. Hey,

tell me, babe, how long is a cartoon

script these days?Depends on who you ask.

Ask a writer 45 pages. Ask a director

about four. I wrote a new cutesy

tuned 101 Cuddly

Puppies Meet Princess Pretty Girl.

And you'll play the princess, right?

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huhAnd I'll have Mr.

Cooper to direct it. What do you think?

She's off her bean. I hope it's a

garbanzo.

I decided to read her script. I thought I

was playing it smart. You know, maybe it

was something I could steal or borrow.

You found the

kitty!

That's it! I'm outta here!

Hey! What?! Oh! Let me go!

You still reading the double script?Oh,

that's it!

The script pages lay before me like a

death sentence.

During the commercial break, I'd come up

with a plan. I would do some rewrites on

Cuddly Puppies meet Princess Pretty Girl,

and then put my name on it. The plot?

Princess meets puppy, puppy meets

princess. You get the idea. It was

sickening, but if I could steal it,

who cared?Bite your feet.

It wasn't easy. There was that butler,

always lurking. A sl*ve to the whims of

Elmira Desmond. Where's the kitty?Find

the kitty! Determined to make a cartoon

comeback in an industry that had given

her the boot.

Stop your voice over. I can't find the

kitty. Please help me.

Yeah, so get lost.

You found the kitty again, Munty

Wunty.

Find the kitty, find the kitty.

wasn't all work in Hide the Kitty.

Once a week, I was forced to watch all of

Elmira's old cutesy-curies.

We're cute, we're cute, gagas, we're

cute, adorable, we're lovable, we're

cute, cute. We are

very cute.

Elmira Desmond. still sleepwalking

along the giddy heights of her lost

career.

Those silly-headed producers! Haven't

they got any eyes?Have they forgotten

what a cute star looks like?I'll

show them. I'll be up there again, so

help me, 'cause I'm cute!

I kept pounding on the Underwood. She

kept pounding on the cat. Loo loo, skip

to my loo, loo loo Skip to my loo Loo

loo, skip to my loo Skip to my loo, my

baby Ta-da!

Oh, thank you, Monty, and I love you,

too. Thank you, thank you. You've been a

great audience. Encore!

Oh, Monty. You want me to do it

again?

Madame has only done it 17 times.

Okay. Hit it, Hammy.

Oh, loo, loo, Captain

Maloo, loo, loo, Captain Maloo,

my baby! Call



I did it! I did it! It's done! Finished!

So the script was finally done. And even

though it stunk, I put my name on it.

What?You want me to have

morals?

Hampton delivered the script to the head

honcho, Cooper Deville, over at Warner

Brothers.

And he took that pesky puss with him.

HmmSo Montana Max is trying to

steal another one. Well,

turnabout's fair play. Hey,

what do you want?It's a valley.

This is for Cooper DeVille.

That's one funny cat, or my name isn't

Gordon Cool.

That night, Elmira threw a big New Year's

Eve party. Elmira

Desmond. Just look at her. Completely

bonkers. Convinced that Cooper DeVille

would direct her in her lousy script. But

that lousy script was mine.

Happy New Year, my sweetie-bye

boyfriend, Monty Wonty. I love you

with all of my little heart.

Umm I got

girl germs on my head! Cooties!

Somebody sh**t me! I'm allergic tocooties!

Then get this, sports fans. She untied

me. There it was. Probably my one and

only chance to get out of there. But I

made one of those stupid decisions you

make in life.

Maybe it was a full moon. Maybe I was a

little bonkers myself. I must have

thought there was nothing out there for

me beyond Sepulveda Boulevard.

But you want to dance, frog face?

I asked her to dance.

Happy New Year, Montana Max!

How'd we get in here?

Incredible as it may seem, we got a call

from one Gordon Kuhl, some hotshot

studio exec. But that goofy

Elmira refused to talk to anyone but Mr.

Cooper Deville. I was playing it cool. I

figured by the time Elmira found out my

name was on her script, it'd be too late.

I'll be right back, my

precious, cute, adorable love kenz who

asked me to dance because he loves me

with all of his heart! Right your feet,

madame. As for you, Monty,

someday you will end up face down in a

gutter. I will see that this is so.

Well, I'll be. Elmira

Desmond. I haven't seen you in

years. You're just as cute as ever.

I know.

Tell Mr. Deville, Elmira Desmond is

here. Elmira Desmond?

Elmira Desmond. Elmira Desmond. Uh,

Mr. Deville. Elmira

Desmond is here. Elmira Desmond!

Oh, it must be about that, you know, that

script of hers. Ooh, that girl's got more

heart than anyone who's ever worked in

this town. Yes, well, here she

is, sir. Koofy,

Woofy, catch me! Oh, Mr.

DeVille, did you like my princess pretty

girl script, did you?

Actually, I... You did like it, didn't

you?'Cause it's got lots of puppies!

Yeah, Elmira... You loved it! I knew

it! That's why you had Gordy cool

comics! I did?Yes, you

silly old director head!

Wait right here, Elmira, I'll be right

back. Get Gordon Cool on the phone.

Hey, there's that funny cat I want in our

next movie.

What's so funny about him?Are you

kidding?Why not cats a hoot?That's why I

called Elmira Desmond. We need this cat.

What?You want the cat?

We're cute, we're cute, gee, how they

cute, adorable and lovable, we're cute,

cute, cute.

Wait, tell Gordon Cool to forget about

that cat, because we'll get him a

different cat. Oh, yes, sir, yes, yes, yes

We will never tell Madame about the cat.

It would destroy her. Oh,

no, never.

While Myra walked out of that studio

convinced of Vil loved her script,What a

lunatic.

You're a lady looking for this?Hand

it over. You tried to cheat, Madame.

You put your name on her script, but

I took care of that. You mean-- Yes,

I put Madame's name on your script. You

slime. Mahdi's been

had. I cannot let her be destroyed.

You see, I made Elvira Desmond

a star. Ha!You!

There were three young directors who

showed promise in those days. Cooper

DeVille, some other guy whose name I

can't remember, and me.

And I gave it all up for

Elmira. You see, I

was her first.

You're cracking up! Mmm!

Isn't that fountain romantic?We'll use it

in my cartoon!

Tell her, Hampton! There's not gonna be

any cartoon! The studio just wanted

furball! Deville was too soft to tell you

the truth. No! No cartoon?

No... Princess pretty girl?

Madame is the cutest star of them all!

Uh, yeahYou're both insane! You're

living it up in La La Land! And you are a

thief!

You are a poop!

Yikes!

Well, this is where you came in. Some

story,

huhWipe your feet. Wipe

your feet. Your

sewer is spitting out has-been writers.

Shh. We are sh**ting.

Are you ready, Elmira?

What is the scene?Where am I?

This is the staircase of the palace.

Down below, everyone is waiting for

you, Princess Pretty

Girl. And...

So happy to be making a cartoon again.

And after 101 cuddly puppies meet

Princess Pretty Girl, we'll make another

cartoon and another

cartoon! All right, Mr. DeVille, I'm

ready for my close-up.

Brilliant! It's produced, directed, and

written by me.

What do you expect, this is Hollywood?

This is a valley, Bob!

Let the show begin!