01x04 - Episode 4

[bunniefuu]

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w

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w woo

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[Laughter]

[Applause]

look at the state of

her what a

disaster victim

[Laughter]

CL okay boys and girls this is Mark's

mom and she's going to tell you what

it's like to be a scientist hello

everyone hello I'm actually a forensic

scientist now does anybody know what

that is no well when there's been a

really bad crime I go and help find out

who did it so if someone's been shot or

maybe drowned I can work out exactly

what happened by examining the evidence

maybe they were smothered with a bag or

strangled with a wire or say pushed onto

a metal Spike so that most of their

internal organs their guts are forced

out through the front of their belly I

turn up at the scene of a crime to find

for example this eyeball I can tell

whether it was gouged out by a spoon or

maybe a screwdriver or if it was just

some guy using his fingers to rip it out

of the dead man's head I can get

Fingerprints of the maniac to help find

him now I've brought along some photos

of a really bad gangster man he was

found with his brains all spattered out

in his car we can take a look at the

pictures actually I think we can just

leave that for today Francis we've got a

a lot of parents to see thank you yes

but they didn't get to see the S head I

brought um me another thanks everybody

quickly give Miss Shivers a round of

applause thank

[Applause]

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you

question where is their I feel Tower

where is their

Tower okay um

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Tokyo Paris

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tonight at 11 how professionals make

love this week the switchboard operator

could you hold on please could you hold

on please could you hold on

please my life is good the sun it shines

and oranges taste much

sweeter sorrow is but a day away like

rain on Santa marar

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last week on rainfall on Santa Margarita

poppy told Kirk k*ll me and you'll never

find my family secret horde of n*zi

gold so join us now as we return to the

van hanker and Orchards on rainfall on

Santa

Margarita but I already know the

location thanks to Brad the long lost

brother that you've never met on

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Santa these Indian head massages are

very

popular oh the skull is

gross the skin sticking under my

fingernails

excuse

me did I say that out

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loud so uh anything else on uh yes I

think there's something good on Channel

4 something right then you've got the

remote you've got it I don't have it

who's where is it you sitting on it

start up is

there for God's sake turn it over stuck

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stop

the up for God's sake get it why is this

happening

[Laughter]

F see a game of

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Charades this is my ARS look at my AR

bet you wish you had an AR like this

great a*s cracking a*s what an a*s what

an a*s buns buns la la la la la la la

this is my AR it's not yours the bet you

wish it was

yours sauce lovely smashing super

a sace it's such a lovely a

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sauce I bet you wish you had it but

you've not got it because it's my

arm my lovely

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[Laughter]

arm hi there would you like to try some

spicy Chito Pizza

what are you

doing sorry I'm must read the

signals okay boys and girls I work in an

abire does anybody know what we do in an

abire well in an avatar we k*ll animals

why do we k*ll animals so as you you L

can eat

them and sometimes it can even be fun

stunning animals then watching them

twitch and bleed on a hook some folks

say how could you enjoy doing something

so cruel but we've all done cruel things

that we've enjoyed haven't we boys and

girls I mean come on hands up who's ever

trapped a pigeon in a b full of water

um hands up who's ever fed bubble gum

yeah H right thank

you and now BBC Scotland delves deep

into the archive and goes right back to

1959 for a classic episode of the

Scottish sitcom up your

M

up

up oh time that's the minister coming up

the stairs holy

smoke at that skill a clean woman it's

done and have you get the scon out of

the safe I I've polished the step I've

scared the oven I've FL the dog's M I've

even put a Fresh coat of paint in The

Damp all right then I'll no need to take

a slipper to you right well that's

everything then a't

it the bus why is that woman we forgot

to get married JS oh the minister will

no mind as long get his but King oh will

he know time are you forgetting that

we've got six wins jings the minister

will sing Hi fiddly D though if he sees

the b*stard WIS be talking this to me

I'll get drummed out of the Masons what

are we going to do what are we going to

do the winds will no be a problem Tam

how I forgot that last week they all

died with a

tuberculosis Magic

hello Mr Chu hold on you know your

minister that I am not I am Mr scobby of

the newly fed Social Security I'm here

to give you lots of

money if you've got any

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[Laughter]

wins I'm

oh you get used to

this please a you

come okay folks back to what you were

doing excitement's

over interpretations of Dreams

if you dream of popcorn you will sleep

on a zed

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bed last week on rainfall on Santa

Margarita I already know the location of

the secret horde of n*zi gold thanks to

Brad the long lost brother that you've

never met

so join us now as we return to the van

hanker and Orchards on rainfall on Santa

Margarita well that's where you're wrong

because I'm

Brad on

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[Applause]

Santa a live concert committed to vinyl

that which cannot be surpassed minimum

double platter gatefold sleep leave

loads of thank yous on said sleeve for

you to read and enjoy so what do you

reckon is the best live album of all

time the best live album of all time

Iron Maiden live in Rio your HEAP live

in Moscow Saxon live in bansley

Woodstock three days of peace love and

no toilet paper or who could forget the

Grateful Dead's live dead there's just

so much life in the Dead live I like No

Sleep Till Hammersmith by Motorhead I

can't think of Motorhead without Imaging

all the big WS on the side of ly's

face JY Jimmy don't die don't die I

shouted but his brains were slipping at

the side of his

skull hang on JY I show

his was already we he was

already well thanks very much Louise but

I'm sure children that there's also a

nice s to working in an ice cream

van okay who's this

BL um

BL um just black yeah that leaves me

with um just black

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okay you good people you've waited long

enough well you didn't come here to see

my ugly

face all the way from Chicago Illinois

please welcome the Soul Sister Miss

Rebecca Rabino

[Applause]

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[Laughter]

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he

[Applause]

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interpretations of dreams if you dream

of a dolphin you will laugh at a

clown Rock of Ages C for

me let me

hide myself

H sung well

sung thanks very much well sung yeah

some chant are right enough the Lord's G

you a gift there now thank you very much

Nori I will accept a compliment as long

as I can hand it back to when K all

right anyway stop trying to distract us

it's your turn for a song yes oh no I'm

not much a singer Liz no no oh come on

norig he's a blast M it's not just for

us it's for Christ the Lord to well if

you put it like that what choice have I

got

e two 3 4 what a friend we have in

Jesus hey who's singing this song me and

you I don't be a grumpy this is one of

my favorites I which is why I'm singing

it I'm I'm singing it you hear all right

greting

feet what a friend we have

in well you're that intent in singing it

Liz just you sing it I'm not that

bothered about singing it

anyway then sings my

soul my savior God

to

thee how great

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thou I see I knew that one get you you

couldn't help yourself greeting face oh

I say you played a Blinder there Pauling

I can keep my mouth shut when I hear how

great th art I but that that's what the

devil would want Nori everybody quiet

nobody singing Nobody praising Jesus's

name PR him again he another him Nori

and this time we'll let you sing it

yourself what about um oh what about the

Lord's my shepherd the

Lord's my

sheer not

want 11 how professionals make love this

week the bus driver are you getting off

are you getting off are you getting off

are you getting off are you getting

off look I'm a Scorpio and I'm just

going to come right out and see it okay

I don't mean to sting you but I am a

Scorpio and I don't beat about the bush

all right you about another drink sit

down evasive Taurus boozing as pear see

typical Taurus think obsessed and

stubborn I don't think I'm stubborn you

are stubborn I'm no stubborn see typical

Taurus stubborn about not being stubborn

but you look you were seen last Friday

night out there in the car park half

shagging Jenny Murray Jenny Murray I

mean come on she's a Capricorn

she's the goat the mixer the man stealer

we one drink I went up the road pish

Taurus

Bluff what about you and Maly Maguire at

the Christmas

party I'm a Scorpio I have a sexual

charge Malcolm's a cancerian yeah the

comforter anyway what I wanted to say is

you're

forgiven Taurus and Scorpio we should be

together I think we should start a

family you might try for a wi yes I do

and I want our child to have the best

possible start in life so if you get me

up the duff by 12:00 the child will be

born

qxl km we Gavin haly we're the Bonkers

crew and we're here with the weather and

traffic on qxl FK FM mad Bonkers on with

the traffic it's mad quiet but if you

see anything Bonkers out there why not

calling and tell us mad Bonkers under

the Mad fairy report lean ceiling all

the way so if you're going for a Bonkers

weekend in Iron why not try the four

course lunch on the ferry delish dinner

is

served is that gone that's Bonkers

that's goners that's mine that's Bonkers

that is mine that's a traffic and

weather

[Laughter]

man excuse me excuse

me and

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a

hey k*ll my chips your B

s get my lers

back listen I'll call you okay thanks

byebye Jan come to the canteen look TR

by the way got these it's an old look

they're hanging

off what are you doing sorry I misre the

signals Caroline yes you must be Chris

how you doing I'm fine thanks sorry I'm

late always takes me ages to put my

nappy on

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last week on rainfall on Santa Margarita

you think you know the location of my

family's secret horde of n*zi gold

because of my twin brother Brad whom I

have never met told you but that's where

you're on

because I'm Brad

so join us now as we return to the van

hanker and Orchards on rainfall on Santa

Margarita I know

because I'm your

sister on Santa margarit

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[Laughter]

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oh my I'll have to Cal down to a frenzy

here I'm a hot

flush right that's what happens when you

reach that juncture in your life with

your inner thermostat

changes tell you I'm seriously think of

having it all taken away h a whole lot

just marching right into the Royal

infirmary and saying oh surgeon that's

now on 40 years I've pay my National

Insurance stamp nothing even had so much

as a skin tag removed Time for Action

let's get things happening here Plum me

up with one of the colostomies one of

they bow in the bag jobs

H yeah that would be

rare imagine it ease and comfort you'd

get just sitting in your own armchair

and letting go I would have to keep

getting up during the touch a

Morse he's a great reactor that Dale boy

he came a long way for more hours you

get what I'm seeing