Masameer Junior (2025)

[bunniefuu]

I'm not leaving the closet.

You can leave if you want to.

-How long are we staying?

-Until they forget about us.

-What if we get hungry?

-I have dry yogurt.

Good job, Abu Ghannam. How many?

-Two and a half.

-That should last us a week.

-What about water?

-Humans can live without water for weeks.

-But you're a dog.

-What did you call me, Talisca?

Enough! You packed us

into your closet without a plan.

This is a fortress of resilience!

I knew it!

Ms. Widad!

-Get out of the closet!

-No!

It's time for the world to see

who you truly are!

First grade students.

Ms. Widad, I'll miss you.

I'm greatly indebted to you.

MASAMEER JUNIOR

How about we skip the school phase

and join the workforce immediately?

Saad, please, spare us the business talk.

The workforce? What will we even do?

Do you know how much

C4 expl*sives makers earn?

Saad, C4 expl*sives are banned.

Besides, it needs a diploma and a permit.

I know a diploma forger.

Well done, you creative genius!

Three six-year-old kids

with a diploma in b*mb manufacturing.

Don't you think we're a bit overqualified

for the labor market, Mr. Smarty Pants?

No more cupcakes!

Only assignments

and hard labor.

I hope Ms. Widad can handle my absence.

DEPTHS OF IGNORANCE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

Hurry up, before you miss the assembly.

Just shut up!

Why is he on edge?

This is our first day

of elementary school.

And?

We heard that elementary school

is the graveyard of men.

No.

What's this nonsense?

You're living the dream.

If only I could go back in time

to elementary school.

Life was easy.

All you have to do is come to school,

sit your a*s in a desk,

and solve equations like,

"Two plus two equals 36."

Now I know why you're a doorman.

Why are you in a rush?

The hard times will come later.

You're living your best days.

You know, Pythagoras here has a point.

-He's right.

-To the first grade!

What's the worst that could happen?

HELL

Hell!

You steal, you go to hell.

You lie, you go to hell.

You wear jeans, you go to hell.

Hell!

Hell!

Hell!

I stole your sandwich.

And where's the juice?

Juice?

Saad! Don't!

My face! Oh my God!

The juice is gone.

Why did you do that to your friend?

Weren't you listening?

If you steal, lie, or wear jeans,

you go to hell.

But he didn't steal a camel.

It's just juice.

Oh, "just juice"?

And when we smoked cigarettes

then went to your uncle's?

What did you say

when he asked about the smell?

That a supermarket employee was smoking,

then he touched me.

-Then what happened to him?

-My cousins beat him.

Three broken ribs,

a punctured lung,

and five years in prison.

And hard labor.

Saad, where did you get the football

we played with in the Ramadan league?

I stole it from Shneef,

the one with the ears.

Exactly. He and I stole, and you lied.

That's two.

Okay. Thankfully,

we didn't commit the third one.

-None of us wore jeans?

-Yes.

How do I look, guys?

We need to atone for our sins.

PRISON

Good evening, Burhan.

Wow, you've lost weight.

Keto diet?

You ruined my life.

-But you touched me.

-Where did I touch you?

My heart

You touched it with your tender soul.

Enough, Burhan. You're being a baby. Here.

For the psychological damage

we've caused you.

Five riyals? You cheapskate!

It's worth 200 where he's from.

What do you say, Burhan?

Let's forgive and forget?

Thanks!

I'll see you in hell, God willing.

I found it.

You think Shneef will forgive us

if we returned it like this?

Hell.

Hell!

Don't cry, dear. What's wrong?

Looks like he's lost.

There's a grown-up.

Sir, we found your son.

Thank you.

Have you seen my boy?

He's wearing a red hat.

Call an ambulance.

Save your credits.

Poor thing.

Bro, it's a wolf, not your nephew.

What about animal rights?

Release the poor animal.

No! It's a wolf!

Bro, helping animals is a good deed.

Be free, young soul.

NURSING HOME FOR THE ELDERLY

We did them good.

We spared them the humiliation of old age.

ORPHANAGE

Help! Somebody help me!

Call the fire department.

It's rush hour.

It will take them an hour to get here.

The poor woman will die.

-Get out.

-What?

-We need the water to put out the fire!

-It's not--

The whole thing costs 300 riyals.

Turn it on, bro!

The death toll of the fire

that started this afternoon

and burned an entire neighborhood

has reached 255.

In addition to financial damages

estimated at around 64 million riyals.

The authorities

are still investigating the causes.

So that's it? We're going to hell?

Don't say that, Abu Ghannam.

Call an ambulance!

It's all because of our sins.

It's all because of our sins!

Somebody save me from this dirty man!

It's not what it looks like, woman.

You're naked on the roof at night.

What am I supposed to think?

Take it easy, woman.

Dr. Mariam Nour says

that wearing a towel boosts the immunity.

And what's with the TV?

I'm just watching The Terminator,

starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

"Terminator"?

Yes, of course. "I'll be back."

Go to him

I knew it, you b*stard!

Actually

It's not my TV!

Have fun with Maisa.

Wait, woman! Who will wash my pants?

Where are you going?

Come back! Be reasonable!

Hey!

Samaher!

Come back! You're mistaken!

God help me! Sultan, talk to your sister.

I'm the one

who told her to leave you, pig.

Samaher! Baby doll!

Maisa is better than you!

DONKEY CAMP CAFE

VIP COFFEE SHOP AND HOOKAH

Go to him, go to him

Plant a kiss on his cheek

Oh boy!

It's crowded.

They came for Maisa.

This is the only place in the whole town

where men come behind their wives' backs

to indulge in sin.

Sin?

Whenever Uncle Shlaash's wife catches him

watching Maisa, they fight.

Hey!

Enjoy your sins while you can,

because soon

I'll take away this forbidden ecstasy!

b*stards!

You're my love

You're my fate

What's on your mind?

Maybe we can't change the past,

but surely we can fix the future.

What?

What did we learn

from all our past experiences?

That we're surely going to hell,

God willing.

No, Big Nose.

We're highly efficient at taking lives.

-Yeah?

-We have to slaughter the wench.

-Who?

-Maisa Wahbi.

-Why k*ll her?

-Because she's a homewrecker.

To atone for our sins,

we need a huge good deed.

Good on you, brother.

-What's with the terrorism vibe?

-What terrorism?

You want to k*ll an innocent woman?

Bro, I'm just saying,

let's resort to violence

to avoid going to hell.

That's the definition of terrorism,

you b*stard!

Big man, do you know where Maisa Wahbi is?

Maisa Wahbi lives

in the Republic of Artaqia.

Artaqia?

Yeah.

If you want me to tell you

where Artaqia is,

you have to solve this riddle first--

Man, shut up!

I don't have the time! Tell me!

I wanted to sound wise!

-You didn't give me a chance.

-Spill it!

Okay, fine!

I'll read this to you.

It might help.

"The Republic of Artaqia

is an island in the Arabian Sea."

-"It has a calm climate--"

-Enough!

Never mind him. Let's go, guys.

Hey!

Kids!

Do I need to tell them

that Artaqia is a failed state

controlled by violent gangs

who deal in human trafficking

and that the United Nations

Development Programme

classified it as a disaster area?

Eh, it's not my problem.

At least say "Bismillah," glutton.

Bismillah, from the first to the last!

Trad, are you crazy?

-The end justifies the means, Saltooh.

-Huh?

Marriage is the pillar of society.

Eliminating Maisa will save it.

A good deed

that'll save us from going to hell.

-I'm not convinced.

-Why don't we ask the teacher?

Where do you think we are,

a circumcision ceremony?

Shut your mouths.

Our lesson today

is about the signs of the Apocalypse

SIGNS OF THE APOCALYPSE

both the major and minor ones.

Yes?

Where is Mr. Muneer?

He died.

How did this happen?

Sudden death, God forbid

SUDDEN DEATH

is one of the signs of Apocalypse.

The Apocalypse?

That's why we can never know

if we'll still be here tomorrow or not.

How did he know it's tomorrow?

Considering the amount of depravity

that is spreading in society,

it's highly likely.

That's why, my children,

it's essential to--

The teacher is dead.

Three tickets to Artaqia, please.

-We have no flights to Artaqia.

-Damn!

Children aren't allowed to board

without a guardian.

Double damn!

My pants.

My pants.

My pants!

Hello?

They stole my pants, Adel!

-What?

-They stole my pants, Adel.

My pants!

Are you insane? You know what time it is?

Remember what we talked about yesterday?

Gas prices?

No, idiot!

The thief who stole

Jennifer Lopez's pants.

What does gas have to do

with Jennifer Lopez's pants?

He stole them and sold them

to the highest bidder, idiot!

-How much was it?

-It happened to me.

You stole Jennifer Lopez's pants?

-Drop dead! They stole my pants.

-Why would they want them?

What do you think? They'll sell them.

That confidence! Get over yourself!

What do you mean, jerk?

Are you comparing

your pants to Jennifer's?

Every item has a buyer, Adel!

Your pants are not an item!

-Why would they steal my pants then?

-I don't know.

All I know is

that I won't find four idiots

bidding on your pants

at a Christie's auction.

Hello? Nafea?

I got a bit nervous.

-Why?

-I fear my pants won't sell for much.

Shut up and go back to sleep, man.

You gave me a headache.

Don't lowball my items!

To hell with you and your pants!

The American State Department

has advised its citizens to leave Artaqia

within the next 24 hours

in light of reports

warning of an upcoming t*rror1st attack

by the September's Flower t*rror1st group,

which will lead to the total collapse

of this devastated state.

I miss Um Saleh.

Please help us, big guy.

Please, free us, brother!

I haven't seen my kids in four years.

Blessed is the axe and its owner.

Hurry, please. There's no time.

Hit it at an angle.

Quietly. Don't make a sound.

The b*tch is here.

Oh God, help us!

Leave them alone, shalkokha!

Good job, Trad!

Good job, Trad!

Mr. Shalaby.

You're a good boy indeed.

That's it? Have I atoned for my sins?

Like the day you were born.

Do you promise, sir?

THE PERFECT SUMMER DESTINATION

FOR KIDS AND ADULTS

What?

Man, Artaqia is nothing like I imagined.

And Artaqians are nothing like I imagined.

Excuse me, Auntie.

Can you help us find Maisa

Wahbi?

Who is this blue guy?

This is Riyad Chamoun,

President of Artaqia,

who was assassinated.

After that,

the country descended into a civil w*r.

Is this guy in every town?

He's the Artaqian Hizam.

Hey, thanks.

The red ones on the right

are the September's Flower Group.

And the yellow ones on the left

are July's Thorn Group.

They've been fighting for over a decade

and won't reconcile.

Poor people!

Man, to hell with their country.

It's not our problem.

Keep your eyes on the grand prize.

We find Maisa Wahbi,

stab her, and then make a run for it.

But how will we find her?

The post office knows everyone's address.

Good afternoon.

Can you give me

Maisa Wahbi's address, please?

Are you stupid?

I won't give it to you.

Bribe her, Abu Ghannam.

I'll send her a letter if you want,

but I won't give you the address.

That's outdated! I don't want a pen pal!

I want to meet the woman today!

Let's go, guys!

Excuse me, miss.

I want to send this flower to Maisa

and I want you to write her a letter.

No harm in sending her a letter.

-Hold on.

-Huh?

-I have a better idea.

-Say it.

-How about

-Yeah?

we catch a pigeon?

-I can see where this is going.

-Wait, let me finish!

We catch a pigeon,

then we go to a stationery shop.

-Enough, brother!

-Let me finish!

Then we buy a quill brush for writing

and an inkwell.

-Enough! We get it!

-Can I finish, please?

Then we write a letter.

Then we tie it to the pigeon's leg.

We understand the plan, smart-a*s!

-You didn't ask me what's in the letter.

-What's in the letter?

"From his majesty, Trad Lion-Dog,

to the cow that is Saltooh!"

"Shut up before I stab your pancreas!"

Take it easy, bro.

We need a modern means of communication.

We need

Wait here.

ARTAQIA'S PHONEBOOK

M

Majid Abdullah.

Malik Nejer.

Maisa Wahbi.

Hello?

-Hello.

-Who's speaking?

-Maisa Wahbi's residence?

-Yes, it is. Are you the plumber?

Yes, I'm the plumber.

Yes, I'm Abu Jalanbo.

Why are you late? When are you coming?

I'm on my way, but I forgot the address.

If you could

Remind me, God bless you.

POST OFFICE

Why don't we ask him?

Maybe he knows where Maisa is.

My mom told me not to talk to strangers.

You're in Artaqia, bro!

Everyone around you is a stranger!

Hello, good sir.

Do you know where we can find Maisa Wahbi?

Are you sure Maisa is there?

It's very close by.

Flower neighborhood, 50 September Street.

Okay, don't worry.

I'll be there soon, ma'am.

Don't be late, ple--

Shut up, you wench.

Flower neighborhood, 50 September Street.

Flower neighborhood, 50 September Street.

Flower neigh

Flower neighborhood, September Street!

FLOWER NEIGHBORHOOD

SEPTEMBER STREEBuilding number 50!

AMAL PLUMBING

FULL MAINTENANCE

Plumber boy.

I'm in

I won't say it.

You know what, I will. I'm in deep sh*t.

The deepest sh*t.

What do you want?

Maisa Wahbi.

No children allowed.

Good sir, your fly is open.

Good job, Saad.

That's what's called blending in

and gaining trust.

What is your order?

Maisa Wahbi.

Sir, nobody can give you "Maisa"

except the manager himself, Abu Ali.

Then take me to Abu Ali.

Follow me.

My mistake.

Watch out!

You're so late.

You know, it's raining, and

and there was a lot of traffic.

Yeah, right.

Can I ask you a question?

I welcome nosy people.

How can you live with yourself?

-I don't get it.

-Honestly, you've got double the trouble.

Double the trouble?

You're not only a plumber, but also a dog.

May God forgive you.

Come on. Get in.

There it is.

Don't touch anything but the pipe.

Excuse me. Where is Mrs. Maisa?

That's none of your business.

Do your work and leave.

MEDICAL FILE

God spared your life, b*tch,

and you still didn't repent.

God save me from hellfire.

This is your time, big boy. Bring it on.

Listen closely.

Before you meet Abu Ali,

there's something you must know.

Yes?

You'll notice

that his accent is a bit odd.

-And what's the problem?

-There's no problem.

He's been trying to blend in

with the Artaqian society for years,

and he has come a long way,

but it still shows in his accent.

And he's very self-conscious about it.

So, please don't comment on this

or ask him where he's from, okay?

We're all human, Auntie.

Why are you standing? Sit down.

Are you new to Artaqia?

Yes, I just came today.

You foreigners have ruined Artaqia.

You left nothing for us,

natives of the land.

Honestly,

I feel there's space for hospitality.

How so?

Back in Saudi Arabia,

we welcome all foreigners, no problem.

We have many expatriates

from Egypt and Yemen

You idiot, don't mention Yemen!

There was someone at our farm

from the Philippines,

a faraway country in Asia.

A talented barista.

He makes cappuccino and mocha.

-Mocha?

-Yes, mocha.

A coffee drink named after the port in

In Yemen.

What do you want?

Maisa. They told me you had her.

This is Maisa.

And this is Um Ali.

I know you came for Maisa.

But hear me out, Um Ali is better.

Three times the amount

for half the price. What a good deal!

We don't accept

the July's Thorn yellow money.

We don't use it here.

They lost and it's done.

We only take the red ones.

Of course.

-Man, you're Yemeni!

-What?

-You're 100% Yemeni, you b*stard!

-Saad!

Show some respect! I'm a native Artaqian!

And I'm native Japanese!

Talk is cheap, kiss-a*s!

Shut up and know your place!

My tuk-tuk!

Oh God!

Freeze!

Saltooh!

Trad!

Saltooh!

Trad!

Trad!

Saltooh!

I'm starving!

Hey!

I want bread! Give me food!

Al Ettifaq is the champion,

in Al Qadsiah's face!

Seriously, Abu Ghannam?

"A plumber and a dog."

"A plumber and a dog." To hell with you.

And how can you live with yourself

being a servant and a woman!

Damn. What a comeback.

I swear, it would've destroyed her!

Tell me,

any information on the distributors?

The third man, the general,

is in our hands.

Welcome back.

Where did you zone out?

My axe was very close

to feasting on her flesh.

-Who?

-Maisa.

You really found her?

Oh, almost.

I was about to slit her throat.

Okay, don't worry, bro.

Once we're out,

we'll make her meet her fate.

It's difficult.

Her house is crawling with guards.

Not for you, big guy.

Thank you, Abu Ghannam,

but I don't think any of us

can bypass the security in her house.

It's impossible. We need someone

Someone

Someone

You donkey! You son of a donkey!

How could you make this mistake?

By the Flower, if I didn't need you

in the upcoming mission,

I would've impaled you!

Next time you think of taking the men

to a nightclub,

you'll be the one

providing the services! Got it?

Forgive me, sir.

OPERATION WASP STING

What's gotten into you? We were about

to eliminate our enemies in July's Thorn,

and you're drinking!

-Sir, I was--

-Shut up, you slob!

I don't want to hear anything from you

or anyone else!

How's the food?

-It's all right.

-The best chef in Artaqia cooks for us.

He has nothing on Al Tayef.

What brought you here?

Let's cut to the chase.

We have a situation on our hands.

-We need your "patronage."

-Patronage?

Why?

-A favor. We need your help.

-Help with what?

You're blessed,

being a muscular and bald t*rror1st.

We could use your services in

eliminating a woman,

who spreads vice and depravity.

Who are you, for me to help you?

Easy, big man. We'll pay.

I spit on you, dog!

I don't negotiate with the likes of you.

I'm Major General Meshaal Mashoor!

Is that really your name?

I only take orders from the caliph.

I only serve September's Flower.

C4!

This is C4!

Who made this?

Bless your hands, man,

you're truly an artist!

Get your dirty hands

off of our weapon, c*ck!

-Don't shout!

-I'll shout whether you like it or not!

I could hear you in my office, Meshaal.

I apologize, sir.

How's our mission going?

Sir, thanks to God and to your guidance,

we're close to seizing

total control over Artaqia.

The yellow group of July's Thorn

are taking their last breaths.

Our enemies are left with strongholds

in only 5% of the capital.

Compared to the September's Flower control

of 95% of the land.

We tried to disarm them using diplomacy,

but they refused to respond

and k*lled our messengers.

Because you're weak, baldy.

Sir, after our attempts

to convince them have failed,

with your blessing,

we'll attack the hideout of their leader,

Zaghloul Al Maatar.

General Zaghloul Al Maatar,

the head of the snake.

We'll eliminate him

and wipe this evil from Artaqia for good.

Man, wipe your caboose first.

I meant the train wagon.

Thank God.

I want to remind you

that after the operation is done,

we'll keep our promise to the people,

and let them decide who rules Artaqia.

Enough weapons and enough sh**ting.

After all, September's Flower's purpose

is to serve the Artaqian people,

not ourselves.

Long live September's Flower!

Long live September's Flower!

Who is this bigmouth and his friends?

Hello, I'm Commando Trad Lion-Dog,

leader of Heatwave's Flower.

This is Saad Abu Ghannam,

leader of Dawan's Tree.

Sorry for making you Hadrami.

My pleasure.

And this is Saltooh Dakheel Allah,

leader of Sleepy Cloud.

I'm Saltooh Dakheel Allah.

So you're not from Artaqia?

No, we're not from Artaqia, good man.

We came to finish our business

with a woman, then we'll head home.

A woman? Who?

Maisa Wahbi.

Maisa Wahbi

Maisa Wahbi

Maisa Wahbi

The man is stunned.

My Maisa.

That wench!

Even the t*rror1st has fallen for her.

What have you done?

Nothing.

Nothing yet.

Hey!

Your Eminence.

Caliph.

I can see your feet.

-What do you want?

-What's your story with Maisa?

None of your concern!

You just became tense

when we mentioned her name,

so I wanted to let you know.

Know what?

-That I was at Maisa's house today.

-Liar!

Flower Neighborhood, 50 September Street.

My Maisa's address.

She was your Maisa a long time ago.

-Now, she's someone else's Maisa.

-What?

-Do you know who was there?

-I don't want to know.

The yellow one, Zaghloul Al Maatar.

-He took your Maisa to bed.

-Enough!

Her name on his phone is "Town Bicycle."

Shut up already!

Okay, I'll shut up.

One last thing, I promise.

-What?

-I was fixing the pipes at her house.

She was sitting with her lover,

Zaghloul Al Maatar, and said

What?

"The caliph's bird doesn't sing."

Get me a bike to roam the city

The quickest way to break a man's heart

is to show him his enemy with his lover.

You're playing with fire.

We're dead if the one-eyed one finds out

we're manipulating his caliph.

On the contrary, the baldy should know

that Maisa is married to their enemy,

and that his caliph is obsessed with her.

So he would eliminate her for us,

along with Zaghloul Al Maatar.

Women are a t*rror1st's obsession in life.

If a woman affects him in any way,

he kills her without remorse.

Oh, Trad! You're a genius, I swear.

Wait, Saltooh,

let's bad mouth baldy. I hate his face.

He has a sinister look.

What eyes, man? The poor guy has only one.

Right? He looks like an idiot.

Muscles without a nervous system.

That's why we should use him,

because a bull only speaks in violence.

Trad, teach me

to be as sly and smart as you.

Don't change.

Stay as cute and lovely as you are now.

-My darling Maisa.

-Commander of the Faithful.

The men are waiting for you in the hall.

I no longer want to assassinate

Zaghloul Al Maatar.

Send him a messenger

advising him to surrender.

Is he for real?

We've been preparing for three months,

and now he canceled it all.

How could this be? I like k*lling!

Causes transcend individuals.

Sir, we are all tired

of the absence of stability.

Not only in September's Flower,

but in all of Artaqia.

The country needs a strong leader

to hold it together.

If not willingly

then by force!

Excuse me, ma'am.

You received a flower from a fan.

Put it in the safe.

But, ma'am,

there's a heartbreaking letter.

Read it to me.

"Dear Maisa Wahbi."

"We are three orphaned young boys"

who have butt cancer.

It's when you have cancer in your butt.

We are about to die.

We came to Artaqia

hoping to fulfill our dying wish,

which is to meet you, Maisa Wahbi,

face to face.

One hour tops

and you'll hear about Maisa's death.

Hello, young boys.

Hello, good guy.

Will you climb the birdie's nest

to pluck her?

The birdie?

We mean, will you give the baby nom-nom?

Nope.

You're not surprising the wolf in its den?

Nope.

Won't you oil the tractor's engine?

Nope.

Won't you tighten the bike's gears?

Chirp, chirp.

Enough, you two!

I'll give it to you straight.

Straightforward.

What's red with legs like bamboo,

praises Allah, but skips Ramadan too?

I'm no fool, dog.

I understand what you mean.

Okay, since you understand,

k*ll Maisa

who made your caliph lose his mind.

Wait a minute.

Are you also crazy about Maisa?

Trad, what's the riddle's answer?

What's red with legs like bamboo,

praises Allah, but skips Ramadan too?

A rooster, idiot!

Please, man.

If not for me, do it for your caliph.

Look at him.

Look at his eyes, and his nose.

Look at his earlobes.

How magnificent is he!

Doesn't this gorgeous man deserve

you slitting Maisa's throat for him?

How I miss the kindergarten closet.

Okay, mastermind, what do we do?

Once the caliph finds out,

he'll free us for sure.

My love story with Maisa

is like no other.

MAISA WAHBI

ARTAQIA'S NATIONAL TREASURE

I apologize, but this is all I have.

Are you okay?

I'm Ghandoor, and I'm a big fan of yours.

Nice to meet you, Ghandoor.

Take me with you.

Take you where?

I want to be your bodyguard.

I'll protect you,

and I won't let anyone come near you.

What more could you wish for in life?

I still have one more wish.

After we get married and have a boy,

I want to name him Riyad.

Why Riyad?

HAND IN HAND,

WE BUILD A BRIGHT FUTURE FOR ARTAQIA

After President Riyad,

who did amazing things for Artaqia.

You want kids?

Of course, honey.

And I hope they look like you.

Do you know what this is?

This is September's Flower.

The star is in bad shape.

We don't know when

she'll be able to sing again.

This is your last salary. You're fired.

Really?

The vice president stressed the need

for self-restraint and meaningful dialog,

and to prioritize Artaqia's interests

above all else.

For his part,

the UN Secretary General, Javier Cuellar,

has expressed deep concern

over the crisis that is ravaging Artaqia,

urging everyone to quickly respond

to the humanitarian situation

which is on the brink of collapse

in the devastated nation.

No.

No!

SEPTEMBER'S FLOWER

The truth is,

I couldn't get over my love for Maisa.

I tried to keep busy

with bringing victory to my country,

but I couldn't.

Okay, fool. You ruined it with your men

and aborted the mission.

How is Maisa relevant?

When I knew she loved Zaghloul Al Maatar,

I couldn't bring myself

to assassinate him and break her heart.

Damn this man.

What a simp.

For 30 years,

all I wanted was to know why.

Why what?

-Why did she leave me so easily?

-Because you're weak.

She overreacted.

A cold-hearted b*tch.

-She won't show mercy to you or herself.

-Enough!

Man, when I was at her house,

I found her medical file.

She was seriously ill 20 years ago

and had a hysterectomy.

You'd think she would stop sinning,

but she's worse than before.

A hysterectomy?

Big beard, where are you going?

Open the door!

-I have--

-Saad, shut up!

Maisa!

What's wrong with you, man?

Are you smitten, shalkokha?

Behave yourself! Don't call me that!

Do you even know what it means?

No, I don't, but it sounds like an insult.

What does "shalkokha" mean?

Ask Dakheel Allah.

He trusted a woman who destroyed him.

Shalkokhie.

-Guys, I have--

-Not now, Saad.

Let us have fun with Maisa's shalkokh.

Shalkokh. Mr. Shalkokh.

It's clear you're a big shalkokh.

Shalkokhie.

-You, shalkokh.

-You and your family are shalkokhs!

I'm scared of knowing what it means.

Shalkokhie.

Shut up!

You animal!

-You doomed us!

-I'll k*ll you!

I hope you burn in hell!

-Guys--

-Saad, shut up!

-Get off me!

-Okay!

If they don't want to know,

it's not my problem.

Get off me. Let go of me!

You're suffocating me.

Saad!

BREAKING NEWS

the little state in North Africa,

after a major general rebel

called Meshaal Mashoor took over

What is this?

September's Flower

doesn't point g*ns at civilians.

Sit down, Ban Ki-Moon.

Not raising g*ns at civilians?

You're a stereotypical t*rror1st, man.

A gullible t*rror1st played by his men.

You and your cat eyes.

For 20 years,

I've been dealing with the vilest humans.

But I never met anyone more vile

and heinous than you!

Boy!

What's in the letter?

She's done it herself.

To the heroes fighting butt cancer,

let me introduce myself.

I'm Patricia, Madam Maisa's maid.

Unfortunately, she couldn't respond to you

because she has become occupied

with a sudden concert tonight,

but here is the concert address.

If you can make it,

I can take you backstage

so you can meet Madam Maisa.

Please accept my regards, heroes.

With all my love, Patricia.

Damn you, you wench!

Screw you and your infidel boss!

Calm down, bro!

Her maid didn't say anything.

Her maid is a b*tch!

-You don't know what happened.

-What happened?

The minute she opened the door,

out of nowhere, she asked me,

"How can you live with yourself?"

-What does she mean?

-That I'm a plumber and a dog.

How did you not respond?

Didn't respond?

I gave her a comeback

that roasted her face.

-She couldn't handle it.

-Really?

I said, "How can you live

with yourself being a maid and a woman?"

-Wow, dude! Fatality! You're so tough!

-You're a genius, Trad! You ruined her!

If you can't take it, don't dish it out.

Now, let's focus on what's important.

Third time's the charm.

LONG LIVE MAJOR GENERAL MESHAAL MASHOOR

LONG LIVE THE MAJOR GENERAL

No! Get your hands off me!

You're not the president!

I'd never accept you as our president!

It's a transitional phase,

then it'll go back to normal.

You're all the same! You're all worthless!

Listen to me!

My only president is the constitution!

Give it up for the Thighless Dancers

folk dancing crew!

And now for the big surprise.

Give a big round of applause

to the Arab songbird, the one and only,

queen of Arabic music,

Artaqia's national treasure,

Maisa Wahbi!

Maisa!

Ghandoor!

What brings you here?

I no longer want kids. I only want you.

What are you saying?

I found out today. I'm sorry.

Sorry for what?

For pressuring you.

I didn't know that you

can't have children.

Ghandoor.

Maisa! Maisa! Maisa!

The shameless woman is late.

Run away with me.

Let's make up for what we missed.

I knew you were naive,

but I never imagined you were this stupid.

How?

Do you actually believe I left you

because I can't have kids?

Why did you leave me then?

Because you were one of Riyad's followers.

HAND IN HAND,

WE BUILD A BRIGHT FUTURE FOR ARTAQIA

The moment you told me you loved Riyad,

I lost all interest in you.

What was your issue with the president?

He was against July's Thorn.

We're thankful for the efforts

of July's Thorn,

but today we're a state of institutions.

For the sake of Artaqia,

I ask them to put their g*ns down,

and join the table of politics.

FOR A BRIGHT FUTURE FOR ARTAQIA

We had to put an end to his madness.

What are you saying?

Poor man!

Like you weren't involved

in his assassination.

No!

The day Riyad Chamoun entered the hospital

for his medical examinations

was our opportunity.

So it happens.

We needed a loyal soldier

to break into the hospital.

Joseph volunteered for the job.

But how can Joseph enter a hospital

crawling with guards?

And here comes stupid Ghandoor,

who would do anything for his Maisa.

And gives Joseph the perfect excuse

to enter the hospital.

ARTAQIA CENTRAL HOSPITAL

Maisa! Maisa! Maisa!

Maisa! Maisa! Maisa!

Maisa! Maisa! Maisa!

Maisa! Maisa! Maisa!

Today, we enter a new era

in Artaqia's history.

Yes to a new present.

Yes to a bright future.

Shortest presidency term ever.

Focus, man!

I'm trying, shalkokh,

but Al Maatar is blocking her.

Saad!

Abdullah?

Abu Fahd?

-Cool! Are you with July's Thorn?

-Yeah. You're with September's Flower?

Yes. What made you join July's Thorn?

I like bananas,

and it rhymes with July, you know?

Understood. Bananas are full of potassium.

-Why did you join September's Flower?

-Trying to get a divorce.

-How?

-She hates extremists groups.

I joined the most extreme one,

so she would divorce me.

Okay. Could you move the knife away?

Oh, sorry!

It's okay, man.

The wench is running away!

No!

Why did you k*ll her?

Maisa, please get up!

Get up so I can k*ll you.

Maisa!

She was in the palm of my hand.

It's okay, Trad! It's okay!

-It's okay!

-Hold on.

Why are you not sad?

Because

you guys had a point.

Ghandoor and these three saved Artaqia.

Ghandoor and these three saved Artaqia.

Ghandoor and these three saved Artaqia!

So we k*lled Maisa?

You're the main reason.

I'm excited to see the teacher's face

when we tell him what we did!

Morons!

You're mere insects!

A disgrace to art,

society, and development!

Maisa Wahbi is a pure woman,

a voice out of this world.

Are you proud of taking away

this angelic voice forever?

You're definitely going to hell!

Didn't you die?

Yes.

I died on the inside

because of the horrible news, damn you!

He means that Mr. Midhat said you died.

I was hospitalized

because I had a brain stroke.

I was on my deathbed,

but then I recovered,

except that the stroke changed

some aspects of my personality.

And what about Maisa?

Isn't k*lling her a good deed?

You dog! You're all in danger

and might go to hell for your heinous act.

Man, I can't tell what adults want.

God help us.

The world is marching toward its end,

and Maisa's gone, and Um Bunana remains.

Um Bunana?

A t*rror1st who recruits women

to extremist groups.

g*dd*mn her!

Blessed is the one who kills her

and rids the world of her abomination.

Prepare to leave, guys.

You and your pants have irritated me!

You're insulting me

even though I'm paying for your trip.

-They'll all laugh at us!

-Abu Abdelrahman, this is a just cause.

You're out of your mind!

Thirty-six hours of flights to look

at your pants in a New York auction!

Excuse me! This isn't just an auction.

This is Christie's!

Christie's or whatever!

It's just a pair of pants!

Not all pants are the same.

-A white pair, the only kind you have!

-Shh!

It's starting.

Gentlemen, we open the auction

with this Artaqian uprising piece.

It's a boat that uses old pants as a sail.

We start the bidding at $500.

$500!

I told you my pants were a masterpiece

and you didn't believe me!

$501.

$501 for the man

wearing glasses at the back.

Huh?

$550?

$550?

-Adel, bid for a million.

-What?

Anyone?

Bid for a million

or it'll be the end of our relationship.

Are you for real? Screw our relationship.

$550?

$550?

Sold to the potato-head man.

No!