01x03 - Old Bale Eye

[bunniefuu]

Where's he gone?

Slippery little zogger.

He's in there, ain't he?

I've nearly got him.

Grab 'im, Ruff, grab 'im!

[grunts]

I've... Hang on...

Gotcha!

Ow! Little zogger bit me!

I'll gut him!

I'll gut him!

No! Please! Don't eat me!

[screaming]

[laughing]

[slurps]

[approaching]

[mechanical whirring]

What the zog is you two doing
to me best grot!?

Boss! They was gonna eat me!

That so?

We was just...

We was just...

[grunts]

[blade slashing]

[slams]

[yells]

Don't even think about it!

[whining]

Pathetic.

Really pathetic.

[unclenches]

Zog me, this won't do.

This won't do!

What are you doing?

You yoofs ain't ever gonna be proper boys
with fighting the likes of Gibbit here.

You yoofs ain't ever gonna be proper boys
with fighting the likes of Gibbit here.

Ow!

Proper Orks have proper enemies.

You need to get big and strong.

Orks get big and strong
by beating the best,

not by fighting grots,
even if you is going to eat them.

Enemies like what boss?

Hmm… hmm...

Oh, like beakees?

[laughing]

Well, yeah, beakees is well hard,
but I ain't talking about beakee tinboys.

Well, yeah, beakees is well hard,
but I ain't talking about beakee tinboys.

Oh, pointies then?

They is weak,
but they is fast, and well stabby.

But ain't talking about them either.

You want a proper enemy.

Like what the prophet hisself has got.

Listen here, yoofs.

We Runtherds have all the stories.

I'm going tell you about Ghazghkull.

I'm going to tell you about Old Bale Eye.

I'm going to tell you about Old Bale Eye.

Yeah, that's right.

Bale Eye,
the meanest Ork k*ller of them all.

Dat's him dere.

A humie?!

[Dursnang]
Nah, nah, nah! Not just a humie!

[Dursnang] Yarrick! Old Bale Eye!

[Dursnang] The greatest foe of the great
Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka.

[Dursnang] The greatest foe of the great
Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka.

[intense music]

[Dursnang] The Beast of Armageddon,

[Dursnang] the conqueror of Piscina,
Golgotha and lots of other places besides

[Dursnang] the great prophet,

[Dursnang] the big green, the Goffiest
Goff, the stabbiest stabber,

[Dursnang] the fightiest, hardest warlord
what has ever been ever, and that is

[Dursnang] a very long time.

[bang]

[Dursnang] And don't you forget it.

[grunts]

[grunts]

[Dursnang]
Only if you become a warlord like him,

[Dursnang] can you get an enemy as good
as Old Bale Eye.

[Dursnang] He's got an eye that'll burn a
hole in ya!

[Dursnang] A claw that'll rip you in half!

[Dursnang] Though he's a skinny runt,
he carries a g*n what is so big

[Dursnang] and so heavy only humie beakees
have them.

[Dursnang] Why, I reckon you couldn't
carry it between you,

[Dursnang] but he waves it around
like an itty bitty squig.

[Dursnang] but he waves it around
like an itty bitty squig.

[Dursnang] And he rides a Battlewagon
so big and so shooty,

[Dursnang] an 'undred Flash Gits
couldn't take it down.

Cor!

[coughing]

[record scratch]

[Dursnang] Hang on, that comes later.

Y'see, even without all that,
he's well fierce.

[orks roaring]

[explosions]

[laughing]

[whirry noises]

Get out of my way!

Gorka! Morka!

Gorka! Morka!

Waaagh!

For the Emperor!

[g*ns sh**ting]

Ghazghkull nearly had the whole lot,
before Yarrick stops him.

So he sends in one of his best and baddest
warbosses to sort the old man right out.

Ugulhard was the biggest, toughest,
meanest Snakebite in all the horde.

This is gonna be too easy!

[grunts]

[chainsword revving]

[g*nsh*t]

[grunts]

When is you humies gonna learn,

this world is green!

[growls]

[chainsword slashes]

[chainsword slashes]

[thuds]

[revving]

Like for like.

Which part are you willing to give to me?

Which part are you willing to give to me?

[echoed screaming]

[grunts]

[Dursnang] Bale Eye is so tough
that he takes Ugulhard's klaw as his own.

[Dursnang] Humie Mekboys fixed it up good.

[machine engaging]

[Dursnang] Then Bale Eye hears Orks is
scared of him,

[Dursnang] Then Bale Eye hears Orks is
scared of him,

[Dursnang] and that they is saying
he can k*ll with a single look.

[Dursnang] So he gets a shooty eye put in
and all!

[Dursnang] Again and again Ghazghkull
comes to take away the humie huts,

[Dursnang] but Yarrick beats them back
every time.

[Dursnang] Then some beakee gits shows up
and spoils all da fun,

[Dursnang] and that was that.

[Dursnang] Old Ghazghkull has enough,
so he goes away.

[Dursnang] But bale eye won't give up.

[Dursnang] No, not him,
so chases the prophet across da sky...

[Dursnang] ...to a place the humies call
Golgotha.

[Dursnang] There Bale Eye finks
he has Ghazghkull caught.

[Dursnang] Only that ain't it, cause
Ghazghkull is as cunning as he is brutal.

[expl*si*n]

[Dursnang] It's a trap.

You ain't so tough after all, is you?

You ain't so tough after all, is you?

[laughing]

Chuck him in with the rest of the humies!

[laughing]

[grunting]

[Dursnang] He was given to us Runtherds,

[Dursnang] And you knows how mean we can
be.

[screams]

[screams]

[Dursnang] And did that finish him?

[Dursnang] Did it zog.

[Dursnang] It weren't long
until he was up to his usual tricks.

[intense music]

[flame torches]

For the Emperor!

[all cheering]

[knives stabbing]

[Dursnang] He fights his way up
to the space hulk's Dursnang hole.

[expl*sive blasts]

[Dursnang] Ghazghkull are not there.

[Dursnang] But yarrick kills all da orks
he finds.

[Dursnang] And that's with one arm and one
eye.

He isn't here, Commissar.

Destroy it.

Destroy everything you can.

[glass breaks]

[bang]

[expl*si*n]

[klaxon ringing]

They're coming!

[g*ns sh**ting]

[growls]

[explosions]

For the Emperor.

[grunts]

For the Emperor!

They say that a lot.

So, what, is Bale Eye dead then?

Dead? Dead?

Old Bale Eye?

Nah!
It takes a lot more than a cunning ambush,

a good whipping, a battle
and a big expl*si*n to k*ll him off.

[Dursnang] Oh no, he lived alright.

[screams]

You. Humie.

The boss wants to see you.

[all yelling]

[all] Bale Eye! Bale Eye! Bale Eye!

[door sliding]

You.

You.

Get in.

[grunts]

What kind of trick is this?

No trick. [scuffs]

Good enemies is hard to find.

[laughing]

So off he goes, straight back to Golgotha.

[Dursnang] And he takes it right back
with some big cannon thing.

[expl*si*n and yelling]

[expl*si*n and yelling]

[Dursnang] And then we takes it back.

Waaagh!

[Dursnang] And we all thought that was
that.

[Dursnang] The years go by,
and Old Bale Eye becomes even Older Bale

[Dursnang] Eye. Meanwhile, Ghazghkull Mag
Uruk Thraka chases his dream

of the big Waaagh!

[Dursnang] Across the stars,
following the voices in the great green.

[Dursnang] Across the stars,
following the voices in the great green.

[Dursnang] Gork and Mork, the gods,

[Dursnang] They tell him what to do,

and all the time his power
grows and grows.

[Dursnang] Until, one day, he comes back.

[lightning crashes]

[thunder booms]

[eerie music]

[grunts]

[glass shatters]

[Dursnang] Ghazghkull has a few new
tricks.

[Dursnang] He teleports a bunch of boys
onto da planet.

[Dursnang] And he drops massive rocks onto
the surface,

[Dursnang] So we orkses can have some
forts.

[bang]

[Dursnang] They was impregenernab-
impregger unbeatable!

[Dursnang] But not to Old Bale Eye.

[Dursnang] But not to Old Bale Eye.

[machines blasting]

[laughing]

[explosions and g*ns firing]

Aim! Fire!

[b*mb expl*si*n]

Charge!

So, if you want to get bigger

the proper Orks, with our enemy.

You have to go and pick on something a bit
meaner than him.

Why should we's listen to you?

You is old, and stumpy.

With that leg.

Yeah, that leg!

[both laughing]

I bet you's got no proper enemies,
like that!

You want to make an enemy out of me?

You want to make an enemy out of me?

[both panting]

Thought not.

I'll let you into a secret.

Old Bale Eye is my enemy too.

How'd you think I got this here?

[knocking]

[g*n blasts]

[laughing]

[grunts]

[Dursnang] When he comes in,
all shouting and sh**ting,

[Dursnang] His eye blazing.

[Dursnang] I fought him.

[Dursnang] And I lived.

[Dursnang] So don't you ever tell me
I ain't got no proper enemies.

[Dursnang] So don't you ever tell me
I ain't got no proper enemies.

He fought Old Bale Eye?

He fought Old Bale Eye!

That's right, boo!

[both screaming]

[footsteps faing]

Thanks boss.

You're alright, Gibbit.

For a grot.

But if you ever let anyone
eat you, I'll k*ll you myself.

But if you ever let anyone
eat you, I'll k*ll you myself.

-Where is he now?
-What?

Old Bale Eye, where is he?

What? Him?

In the big black, right now.

Looking for Ghazghkull, and when
he finds him,

oh, when he finds him...

oh, when he finds him...

...what a scrap that is going to be.