01x01 - Happyester Fester

[bunniefuu]

They're creepy and they're kooky,

mysterious as spooky. They're all

together spooky, The Addams Family.

Their house is a museum where people come

to see 'em. They really are astreum,

The Addams Family.

Neat. Sweet.

Petite.

They're creepy and

they're

creepy. Mysterious and

spooky They're all together spooky The

Addams Family

Ah, lurch old boy, you've outdone

yourself. So I had many a tree stump in

your day, but the termite stuffing makes

this one outstanding.

Thanks, Thing.

Uh, Juliet, it's time for you to practice

the fine art of feeding yourself.

Not too fast. That's it.

Savor the flavor. You know, Tish,

dinner just isn't the same without

Fester. He'd sit here after he was done

smiling and dabbing his mouth.

And then he'd belch and blow out a window

or two.

I haven't seen Uncle Fester since he

staked himself to the anthills. I

know, dear, but something was bothering

him even then. Those screams were

half-hearted, and I didn't hear his usual

joyous cackle. Would you pass the termite

dressing my little family blight?

Dear, where are your manners?

Sorry, Mom. You forgot the

gravy. Oh, yeah.

Sorry, Dad.

Uh, crunchy. Just

the way I like it.

I've been looking for this. The Art of

Channeling Mimes, volume one. I think I

just found volume two. Good.

Now I can wait a minute. Oh,

no.

I can feel the mimes speaking through

me.

Do you think Uncle Fester's all right,

dear?He's been down in the basement for

almost a week now. Well, you know how

these geniuses are always working on

something.

Yes, but he was so upset for not selling

his last invention, and he had such high

hopes for his lint wigs.

Oh boy, I hit the jackpot.

Excuse me a minute.

I didn't want to miss the

afterblast. What's all the excitement

about, Fester?Take a look for yourself. A

little hard to read, old man. Allow me.

Uh, that's better.

Hey, my dessert just ran away.

Go get it, thing.

Dad, Zooks and good night. Fester has

invented a new fabric. It's bulletproof,

self-cleaning, and it tastes good with

dip, too.

Congratulations, Uncle Fester.

Isn't it exciting, Fester?Your first

successful invention?I call it

Happy Esther after Happydale Heights,

our fine city. As I live and breathe,

this Happy Esther is cheap to make, too.

Follow me, Fester. I know just who to

talk to about your new invention. Au

revoir, darling. Connie, you spoke

French. This one. No, no, no, no, noThis

one. No, no, noThis one. What's wrong,

darling?I can't make up my mind. Both

arms are so beautiful. I know,

dear, but Fester is waiting. Well, don't

worry about me. I'm enjoying Granny's

mime act. You're right, Tish.

We'll be back.

Eek! What is a candy chug?The

Adams?They're in our

yard. Oh, no. The grass. Open up, Norman

Meyer, old boy. They've contaminated our

door.

Quick, son. Take this out back and burn

it. Dad, they're standing on the

sidewalk, too. I know, son, but it's

nothing a good hosing won't cure. What

would you say if I offered you a prime

business opportunity, Norman Meyer?First,

I'd laugh in your face. Then I'd become

violently ill. See?Told you you'd like

it. My brother Fester's

invented a brand new fabric. I don't want

anything that jerk invents. Did you hear

that?He doesn't even know me that well,

and already he treats me like family.

That's Norman Meyer for you. It's called

Happy Esther and it's self-cleaning. Who

cares?That's cheap to make, too.

Adams, why don't the two of you step

inside for some dessert?We'd be

delighted, old man. Great.

Mi casa es su casa. Make yourselves

comfortable. May I talk to you for a

moment, dear?Of course, love toast.

You can let me go, Mom. They don't bite.

That's not true. Remember that Tenguin

Fester snapped at me?Oh, Mom, he was

only trying to snag the fly that was

buzzing around you. What are those two

atoms doing in our house?That new

fabric will make Norman wear the talk of

underwear fans all over the

Please don't juggle the bronze underwear.

They've been in the family for

generations. Our apologies, Norman Meyer,

but we didn't see any axes lying around.

Yeah, you want me to give you back the

pair I slipped on?They're riding a little

high. No, please keep them. We'll

be nice long enough to get the formula.

Then we'll get rid of Festus. That's

Fester. Whatever.

Dearest. Have you forgotten about Rumpco,

huhOur nearest competitor?They're having

a lot of success with their prize in

every pair ad, you know?Norman Junior.

You tell them to stop throwing the

furniture. Right, Mom?

The very fate of Norman wear could depend

on us getting that formula. You're right,

Butterglob. I'll do my best to help.

Would you like some gelatin fruit ring

with whipped cream?Nah, I'm allergic

to whipped cream. You got any pencil

shavings?Ew.

Fester, Norman Ware is prepared to buy

your fabric and offer you a job. That is

smashing, Fester. You've never had a job

before. Well, I I did work in that one

place, you know. But they said that after

the flea season ended, the Ducks wouldn't

be needing my services.

Just sign on the X's and Norman Ware

International will present you a net

check for the sum of $522.71.

Handsome price, Norman Meyer. But what

about Fester's job?How would you feel if

I offered you the title of Are you ready?

Vice President?Actually, I'd

prefer the title of fungus chewer,

but Vice President would be okie-dokie

with me. Then sign the contract, giving

me solo exclusive only guy with

clout ownership of Happy Esther.

I'm. I'm not sure, Norm.

Happy Esther, you know, is the

culmination of a lifetime of

dreams. Besides, I can't

remember how to spell my name. Fester,

I'm pleading. Norman, where needs you?

Nah, I can't do it. I hope Dad

doesn't treat Fester like dirt and toss

him out on the street. You mean Norman

do that to me?I

told you he was a real charmer. Well, in

that case, the least I can do is look the

place over. See you in the

morning, Big Kahuna. I'd

better tell Wednesday in Pugsley.

Oh, thanks for coming, you guys. I was up

all night thinking about this. I thought

you were trying to take off that bronze

underwear after that. You know, I'm kind

of nervous. I mean, people outside our

house are so weird. Wow.

Worry no more, Uncle Fester. We'll

protect you. Right, Pugsley?Good

for evening. Good morning, Mr. VP.

Great day to sign a contract, wouldn't

you say?I'm not sure if I'm Vice

President Material, Norm,

but if you need an extra speed bump in

your parking lot. I'm your man.

Oh, nonsense, Fester. Come on, have a

look at your new office. Hurry up,

Pugsley, or you'll miss Uncle Fester's

office.

Your own VP suite, Fester. How do you

like it?Gee, Double N, I'm not

sure. I kind of had my eye in that cozy

little office downstairs. What office?

Now this is more like it. Oh,

catered lunches. Oh, these channelers

really know how to live. But Fester,

you're going to be a VP, boy. Don't you

want to take advantage of your many norm

and wear privileges?

OK. Can I have one

of these for home?For goodness sake,

Fester, you're brushing your teeth with a

broom. I

am. Oh, sorry. You got a

mop around here anywhere?What?Oh,

yeah, of course. Partner, hey, can I get

anything else for you?Well, maybe a pile

of oil-soaked rags to put next to the

heater in case I get tired.

Hey, Norm, it looks like I'm not the only

one who likes the new digs. The little

bad influences have settled in, too.

So, Norm and MayaWho wants to stop

Rumpko from being #1, does he?

Well, Fingers will just have to take care

of Fester and his formula.

Uncle Fester, you got to take this

office. It's filled with the need tostop.

You ain't kidding, Pugsley.

Hey, Norman, can I crawl around in these

whenever I want?Of course,

Fester. Why, I want Norman Wear to

be like a like a second home to you. You

mean I can hose down the walls and grow

fungus?I suppose.

Look, Fester, from now on, it's you and

me. Me and you, mano e mano. With your

brains and my underwear, we can change

the world. Not to mention putting my

competition Rumpco out of business

forever. Who would have

known that the big cheese of Norman Ware

would care so much for little old me?

Ohh I'll save that for my collection.

Norman and Fester buds,

pals, chubs. That's

us. Just sign here, here and here. I

don't know. I feel a void.

What's wrong, Uncle Fester?

Something's still missing. What?

WhatWhatever it is, I'll find it. Well, I

did make this small list.

Item one, wombat barn. Item

two, electric chair and couch.

What?Matching tattoos?Yeah.

Won't we look snappy, boss?I think I'm

going to be ill. In my office. Let's

try that corner over there. It's kind of

empty. That's OK, Fester. I'd better get

on with the list. Patience, Norman.

Patience. Remember, we're getting a

billion dollar formula for $522.71.

Chief, is that you?

Boy, I didn't think he'd get to item

number 98 so soon. Thanks,

boss.

But what are you doing in our uncle's

office?Yeah. Do you have an

appointment?Buzz off, squirts.

What a rude man, Pugsley. Huh

You said it Wednesday. Did you get his

wallet?And then some

underwear hitman. He works for Mr.

Norman Meyer's competitor, Grumpco.

So. So Uncle Fester could be in eminent

danger. He might be kidnapped. Blown

up or spirited away to who knows

where?Lucky dog. Hey,

Quinn! Stop

it!

Get out of the way! Go fast! Add a hand.

Oh, Esther, let's play a little game

called Or Else. You tell me

your formula for Happy Esther now.

Or else.

All

right, Baldi, where's the formula for

Happy Esther?It's all up here in the

genius that is my brain.

Well, you better cough it up if you know

what's good for you. OK,

now I mean the formula. Tell me

what it is now.

Well, first you take three parts of.

Don't do it, Uncle Fester. He's a spy

from Rumpco. You mean the

company with the prize in every pair?

Yeah. Want a shoe?You

think I'm going to betray the normster?

He's my pal, my compadre, my

shaving partner. Uncle

Fester, this is getting dangerous. I'm

going to tell him the formula. Huh

Smart move, girly.

You getting this, HQ?

Roger. Chlorine.

Benzine. Margarine.

Nitroglycerin. Yes.

What was that last one?

Nitroglycerin.

Ouch.

I hate you.

Oh, clumsy me. I must have given him the

wrong formula.

I don't care how much money I could make

cheating him, Dream Stub. This Fester is

impossible. Fruit bat feeders. I'll

call you back. Uncle Fester caught this

spy from Rumco. You can rest at ease, Mr.

Norman Meyer. The underwear balance of

power is preserved. Oh, boss,

will you ever forgive me for being so

selfish?I mean, you've been loyal to me

and all I do is make demands.

Well, no more.

That's it. I'll sign that contract

whenever you're ready.

Yeah.

How many L's in Fester?As many as you

want. Now, where's the formula?

Here you go, you lucky muckety muck. Here

comes a gopher eyelids and one tuck and a

duck's teeth and mix. Oh, boss, we have

so much in common. You like

manufacturing elastic and I like eating

it. The whole world is our honor.

Why, with a friendship like ours, there's

nothing we can't.

That Fester person is not allowed to

enter, approach, or even look at Norman

Ware again. Does this mean I'll have to

cancel our appointment at the tattoo

parlor?

Maybe this'll cheer you up, Uncle Fester.

Well, it's worth a try.

Nope. I'm still depressed.

Lurch, how thoughtful.

Thanks, old buddy. I doubt it will help,

though. I just don't

get it. I thought Norman was my friend

forever and ever. Or at least until the

next presidential election. Don't give

up, dear. Things aren't always what they

seem. Why that

sneaky devil?Who's sneaky?Don't you see?

Norman Meyer knows that an inventor like

you is too good to be stuck in some

office. Why?He's made his loss the

world's gain. Oh, what a man.

So selfless, so giving.

He would let me blossom at his expense.

How could I ever have doubted him?

You said it, Lurch. Calm down.

What is it?

Millions of new pairs of Norman Ware have

been sold to date, made with the

revolutionary new material Happy Esther.

But now people everywhere are complaining

that Happy Esther becomes horribly itchy

after a few hours.

Fester, aren't you the modest one?

You didn't tell us Happy Esther was

itchy. Well, it's just one of those

extras I threw in, you knowWait

until they try to wash them.

That's when the shrimp eggs kick in. Mr.

Norman Meyer, how do you explain what

you've done to people all over the

country?Well, I...

Oh, look at the poor guy. He's so happy

he's made America itchy he can't even

speak. Norman needs me

like he was there for me. So will I be

there for him.

Oh, isn't that sweet?Fester is

helping that nice Mr. Norman Meyer with

his questions.

You see, nobody wanted happy Esther, but

not my pal. He was determined

that every man, woman and child in

America have itchy legs, shrimpy

shorts and scratchy pants.

Ah, my larcenous loved ones. This calls

for a family dance. Did you hear that?

Come on. Did somebody

say family dance?How

about the dry wipe hoedown?Guster,

it's miles to the airport. Oh, yeah. OK.

Well, then how about the pork bump?

Big one, Wednesday.