01x02 - Dead and Breakfast

[bunniefuu]

They're creepy and they're kooky.

Mysterious and spooky. They're all

together, kooky. The Addams Family.

Their house is a museum where people come

to see 'em. They really are a scream.

The Addams Family.

Neat. Sweet.

Petite. So get a witch's shawl on,

a broomstick you can crawl on. We're

gonna pay a brawl on. The

Family

They're creepy and they're creepy

Mysterious and spooky They're all

together spooky The Addams

Family

Bye, Timmy. Goodbye,

Lucy. Uh,

home, bitter home. Back with my

best friend in the world.

Thanks. Make that my two best friends.

He's home, too. Hi, Lurch. You

forgot something. Wallace,

how did you get loose?

Gee, I wonder how.

Hi, Fang.

Wow, you're sure getting fast with those

chib knots.

You had to do it. You just had to do

it. How was I supposed to know?

Welcome home, children. How was school

today?Fine. Hey, what's the

matter?The Robins are singing. The

sky is Azure Blue.

It's another miserable sunny day, Uncle

Fester. Oh, Gee, if you two are feeling

down, do what I do.

Blow yourself up. You

see?I feel better already.

Are you ready to finish posing for me,

Lurch?

Thank you. Now, could you look at me with

that boyish twinkle in your eye?

Perfect. What's

wrong, dears?There's more to this than a

sunny day, isn't there?I'm afraid so,

Mother. We've got a special project from

the Happy Dale Club at school. I didn't

know you two were members. Neither did I

till Einstein Adams here informed me.

I only signed up because I thought we

could use it to club things.

Thanks, Thing. Look, I even carved one.

Thanks, Thing. Hello.

It's for you, Granny.

Granny's psychic hotline. Grannyspeaking.

That's a tough one. Let me ask the voices

from beyond.

They say if your pizza's not there in 15

minutes, call and find out what's taking

so long. Don't mention it.

Bye bye. Uh, Donatello. What

would he do with that?

Jess, what is your project this weekend,

children?Merci beaucoup

thing. Creative problem

solving through junior career

exploration. That doesn't sound so bad.

Oh, yeah, right. It means we have to...

We gotta... What does it

mean?It means, Wonder Boy, that we've got

to start our own business this weekend.

You can sell advice with this book.

Predicting the future the

toenail way. That

mystic stuff is a bunch of hooey. It is

not. I'll show you. Hey,

you know the length of your toenails

reveals a lot about your personality.

I don't get it. According to this toe,

you're supposed to be bright. That's me.

Watch

family. I'm home. Yeah.

Hi, Dad. Welcome home, darling. We missed

you, Father. Hello, children.

How'd you do in the sumo wrestling

contest, Dad?I finished third. Third.

That's right. But I also finished second.

And 1st. I'm happy for you, dear,

but you look so tired. I know,

Tish. It's that hotel I stayed at.

Couldn't get any rest.

Thank you, Thing. Few minutes in the old

straight jacket will have my back in the

knot. Should have seen this hotel, Tish.

It was horrible. They actually had hot

water. There weren't any lumps in the

mattresses. Uh, the children could run a

better business.

You missed. A little lower next

time. Thanks, Dad. Speaking of

business, dear, Huxley and Wednesday have

a project for the Happydale Club. Our

assignment is to open our own business

this weekend, Father. It is?What kind do

you have in mind, my little twin terrors?

Well, we thought that we might try an

onion aid stand. Or maybe mow some

cemeteries. Or you

could open a hotel. A hotel?

Nothing perks me up quicker than a sudden

back spasm. Really, Father, that would

be a lot of work. And we would rather

think nothing of it, Corpsling. You can

turn the old Adams homefront into a lodge

and we'll be there to help.

See it now. Wednesday in Pugsley's

Ded and Breakfast.

What do you say, Tish?Sounds like they

have their hearts set on it. Of course

they can, Moscheri. You know

what it does to me when you speak French

or one of its many knockoff languages.

Speak some more. Anything. Eiffel Tower,

Souk du Jour, anything.

Mother, would you please tell Father that

you can thank him later, dear. I know how

much our help means to you.

Great. Now we're trapped running a hotel.

What are you talking about, Wednesday?

This is perfect. You know, Dad, he'll do

everything for us. We won't have to lift

a finger. By the way, don't worry. This

is your hotel and you get to do

everything. We're just here to help.

Well, at least we'll get our Happy Dale

Club project done. I'll show you the

Happy Dale Club.

Master Granny Wednesday and Pugsley are

opening a dead and breakfast.

Sounds like fun. Yeah, there's

nothing I like better than standing over

unsuspecting visitors, you know, and

staring at them while they're asleep.

Time's a wasting, offspring. You're

right, my dear. Let's break out the

bathroom. The first thing we should do is

take the padding off the steps. Come on,

let's tell them we don't want to open a

hotel. We can't say that.

You heard how excited they were. I mean,

just look at them. Yeah, you know

it's a big deal when Dad rolls out the

barbed wire. Lurch, I need

some advice. What should we do?

Do you really think so?

You're right, Lurch. We're Adamses

through and through, and everyone knows

what that means. We eat our young.

No, Brain Zero. We never let each other

down. It's the Adams way.

Hotel management, here we come.

Not now, Pugsley.

Oh, a new hotel to add to my

list. I think I'll stay there next.

Thank you, Thing dear. It's another

masterpiece, Tish. Wednesday and

Pugsley's dead and breakfast. High rates,

cramped rooms, free creatures under beds.

Disgusting, aren't they, Love Lump?They

sure are, Dipsy Doo. Well, they can't

open a hotel. Who knows what kind of

people they'll attract. Not to mention

the negative impact on our property

values, dear. I'm not Happy Dale Heights'

largest underwear manufacturer for

nothing. Dad, you're the only

underwear manufacturer in town. That's

because I drove out all of those

underwear wannabes. Those deluded

Adamses actually think they can live life

their own way. Hold me,

dear. I'm a quiver with disgust.

Of course, Sugar. Stop. Dad, the Adams

aren't all bad. They are too.

And we're going to stop them. I'm calling

my pal, Mr. Limp. And NJ,

NJ. You stay away from those

troublemaking Adamses. Relax, Dad.

I'm just going to mail a package

for you. Thanks, Lurch.

Oh, hi, NJ. I take it your

parents still think we're dangerous.

Yeah, and they're not too wild about this

hotel idea either. It was our family's

idea, and we don't want to let them down.

I know what you mean. My dad is helping

me too. It couldn't be worse than what

we're doing.

I'm selling underpops, my dad's

latest idea for a frozen treat.

It's worse. Ah

Well, I better go home and put the tomato

flavoredIn the freezer. See you

later. Bye, NJ. Good luck. You mind

mailing me back thing?

You know, Pugsley, NJ's right. Maybe

opening a hotel isn't so bad. And it

would mean a lot to mother and father if

we could do a good job. Stop it.

We'll play later. Oh, all right.

I guess we really should try to do a good

job. Eureka, our first

customer. Welcome to our

humble den and breakfast, my friend. Are

are you and your wife the owners of this

business?No, it belongs to my fine

children, Wednesday and Pugsley. I'm

Mr. Limp, the health inspector, and I'm

here to shut this place down.

Shut them down. Nonsense, old boy. Why,

once you see the class establishment, my

children run here. I'm sure you'll change

your tune.

Oh, what about the health codes?What kind

of business are your children running?Oh,

they got everything. Hot coal dance

floors, slow room service, even

complimentary piranha baths.

Piranha baths?Are you unsure?

What if someone gets hurt?Oh, we don't

charge extra for that.

Do it faster. Never have, but never

will.

This is an outrage, a menace, a blood of

the neighborhood. We think so.

Wait until you see the skunk run. Bad

news. Dad's showing him everything.

And if I remember my county health codes,

he can close us down with one phone call.

We've got to think of some way to keep

the inspector busy or he'll close us down

before we finish our project. I'll get

the bazooka.

No, we need something worse.

Worse than a bazooka.

Granny.

Where?Where

No, noReading. I don't want to sword

fight. Yes. What's that?Not

what?Who?Flattery will get you

everywhere, big boy. The name's Granny.

But you can call me Wild Granny.

No, not that. Get it away.

You're a bundle of nerves, old man. This

job's getting to you.

And by Jove, I know just the cure. A

restful night at Wednesday and Pugsley's

Bed and Breakfast. No, not that. What a

splendid idea. And he can stay for

free. No, please. Yep,

it's all here. You need rest,

relaxation, an irresistible woman. And

besides, toes don't lie.

Just follow us, Granny. Come along,

my little jomeo. No, really.

Help! That Mr. Limp is a

strange one, eh, Tish?I'm afraid so.

But there's hope for him yet, darling. As

if he's in their hands now. Thanks

for keeping Mr. Limp busy. Uh, I mean,

entertained, Granny. My pleasure. I

haven't even started on his right foot.

Hey, that tickles.

Excuse me. I understand you rent

rooms for the night. Not just rooms,

Madam. We have dungeon space, cages,

large boxes with air holes. We have it

all. Well, I'll take one then. Room,

that is. Screaming or non-screaming?Uh,

non-screaming. Name.

Mrs. Quaint. Dears, you have a

new guest to show to her room. Great.

Pardon me, but before I go, do you have a

safe where I could keep my pearls?Safe.

Did you say safe?

Not now, Otto. We're busy. We

hid your box behind the cash bundles.

Just go straight past the diamonds, then

right at the Pearl studded silverware.

You can't miss it. Anything else?

The people in this town sure can be

weird. You said we

didn't have time for fun and games.

Pardon me, I just get swept

away sometimes.

Thank you, Lurch. You heard him. Dinner's

ready. Let's help set the table.

The silverware is gone, and so is

everything else. We've been blundered,

pillaged, and robbed, too.

Imagine, somewhere andOur house

st*lks a lying, stealing,

dangerous criminal. Isn't it great?

Somebody said crime. That's my

middle name. I thought plumbing was your

middle name. Well, that was last week.

I've always been known as a floofist.

Wow. Can you help us solve the mystery?

Help. Just watch. Hmm

It was Mrs. Quaint. Mrs. Quaint?

Uncle Fester, this is really important.

How do you know that?It's electoral, my

dear Wentz. By examining the facts,

studying the clues, and blowing myself up

a couple of times, the answer was clear

to the genius that is my brain. These 8

by 10s, Otto and I took of her cleaning

up the safe didn't hurt either. We had

better tell mother and father.

Morticia Gomez, I think

we're a little late. And we thought

these cages were belated anniversary

gifts. Wrong. Not

even that eww, I don't think could stop

me from nabbing all this loot. I ought to

wait. She's armed. Yeah, and

with one of my inventions. That's right,

you creepy brats. Now, blow my

toe or else I'll sh**t. Well, I hope

so.

Excuse me a moment.

OK, now don't anybody move or I'll sh**t.

Bad move, old girl. The last person to

grab Winsy's braids was that crook, the

late Grabsy Macbill. He was such a nice

man. Was?But what did

you do to him?You don't want to know.

When is he choosing the spinning brave

talk?That hurts.

Mother, may I borrow the Iron Maiden?Of

course, dear. Thank you.

Oh, no, Miss, are you thinking what I am?

How could I forget, Tish?Dangerous

criminals in a desperate scuffle, trapped

hopelessly in hanging cages. Teddy,

you chose the most romantic night for our



Wait, I think this is the appropriate

moment to... Unleash Uncle Fester's

Wolverine?No, use some creative problem

solving and get an A on our assignment.

Works for me. Can't this thing go any

faster?

Rats. Isn't she going into

the minefield?

Yes, lucky devil.

Good show. Bravo.

But wait a while before letting us down,

children. Your father and I are just

getting uncomfortable.

Oh, this is unbelievable. You're you're

arresting the wrong people. You want

those Adamses inside. But

Dad, the police say Mrs. Quain is wanted

in eight states for hotel robbery.

Actually, it's nine, but but they're the

ones who are who are dangerous and

corrupt and sinister and not

nice. Why, Norman Meyer, I didn't know

you cared. I demand to see the health

inspector now. Lighten up,

Norman. You should give the place a try.

I haven't been so relaxed in years. Now,

if you don't mind, this charming lady and

I have a badminton game. And I do

mean

badminton. Well, how come you're.

Come on, Dad. Our underpops are

melting. Wait till the Happy Dale Club

hears about this A+ project. What flair?

What creativity?We're flopping proud of

you. Why, most Adamses would have been

happy with just taking her to an ant

hill. No, not my children. Thank

you, Father. We're just trying to be good

Adamses, right, Pugsley?

Ready for your next business?Father, how

about a nice family dance instead?

Capital idea. Did someone mention family

dance?Might I recommend the

South Idaho.

On a Friday?Oh,

yeah. Hey, how about the face

slide?

Buster, that was a long run.

Oh.