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01x05 - N.J. Addams

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Addams Family". Aired: September 12, 1992 – November 6, 1993.*
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Series focuses on the Addams Family at their ancestral home in the fictional town of Happydale Heights.

01x05 - N.J. Addams

Post by bunniefuu »

They're creepy and they're kooky,

mysterious as kooky. They're all

together kooky, The Addams Family.

Their house is a museum where people come

to see them. They really are a stream,

The Addams

Family. Sweet

Petite So get a witch's shawl on

The broomstick pewpie crawl on We're

gonna pay a call on The Addams

Family

They're creepy and they're creepy

Mysterious and rookie They're all

together rookie The Addams

Family

Children, it's time for school.

Pugsley, did you remember to bring your

jacket for the bus ride?Yes, Mom.

You don't seem to be very excited about

going to school today, Pugsley. It's just

that today is Friday

underwear day.

Remember to hurry home after school,

children. Tonight's the Big Addams Family

reunion. Oh, boy, the family

reunions are always great.

Stop slobbering in there. Thank you.

Thank you again for coming today, Mr.

Wembley.

And young Mr. Adams apologizes for what

he did to your two by four collection,

don't you, Pugsley?

Oh, yeah.

Now let's all welcome two very

special speakers, the

same speakers we had last Friday

and every Friday,

because they're such good friends with

the principal, Mr. and Missus Norman

Meyer. Thank you,

Mrs. Blossom. Good afternoon, class.

Now, last week you marveled at our

underwear puppet show.

This week we present the exciting world

of underwear through the ages.

Why me?Now, would anyone like to take

our widow Normie's place and be our

helper this week?No.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Forget it, Pugsley Adams. What your Pit

Gibbon did to our underwear cupcakes last

week. It looks like you're the lucky boy

again, son. Yeah, real

lucky.

Oh, come on, Ng, you can do it.

In the beginning, there was prehistoric

underwear.

Whoa. Way to go, Ng. You're

holding them upside down, son.

Pardon me.

Then there was Egyptian underwear.

Hold them straight, son. Now these shores

discovered in the tomb of King Tut are

Norman Junior. You've destroyed a

valuable antique. Sorry,

Dad. Exactly how long have I been

telling you about underwear?Every day of

my life. Oh, poor

Angie.

Normina, darling, why don't you play that

little underwear ditty you were strumming

last night?I have to talk with our son.

Yes, dear. Once Upon a time, in the

chest of drawers lived the underwear man,

the underwear man. Once Upon a time.

Son, son, son, how will you ever take

over my business when you don't know your

underwear?Well, maybe it's I.

I mean, well, maybe I don't.

Come on, son. Tell your old dad.

What's bothering you?Oh, never

mind.

Norman Junior. Look at me. OK.

Underwear is your life. It's in your

blood. Come on, son. You're. Destiny

is waiting. 57 pairs of underwear on the

shelf. 57 pairs of underwear. If

one of those pairs should happen to tear.



I'm doomed.

Hi, Lurch. Hey, big guy.

Thanks, Thing. Did NJ's parents put on

their weekly underwear show?Yeah. Are

they still mad at your Gibbon?Yeah, but

they're even madder at NJ.

A little to the left. There.

It just needs your special touch, Uncle

Fester. Coming right up, Morticia.

Oh, perfection. Wait a minute. I

missed something. What?Me.

I love decorating.

Children, I'm so glad you're home. We're

ready to help with the Addams Family

reunion. Wonderful. You two are in

charge of the appetizers. The last time I

saw them, they were running loose in the

basement.

Be a pair of deers and go find them. Yes,

mother. Gomez. Oh,

Gomez. Dear. You've spent all

day in and out of the molten lava. Now,

I want you to have a good time, but you

don't seem to be enjoying yourself.

I know, Tish, but this seals it. Now that

Uncle Fudgy can't make it, I'm really

worried. Our family reunions seem to have

lost their old, their old.

Spark. Thank you, Thing. But didn't

you enjoy it when Uncle Goner crashed his

blimp into the open-air poetry reading?

Yeah, of course, Tish. But that was 10

years ago. Sure, we've had the occasional

scorpion kissing contest, but All in all,

it's just not the same. Oh, well,

c'est la vie,

Gomez. I said c'est la

vie. You did, Tish. That's

French.

See, Tish, I really am upset.

It's slowed down my reaction time.

There, there, dear. I'm sure

this reunion will be a disaster. I hope

so, dear. I hope so.

Now, dear, don't be too hard on we don't

know me. Too hard. Narmina, wake up and

smell the Poly cotton blend. We're

talking underwear here. No, even more

important, Norman wear.

Here, look! Oh, don't tell me

that Fester's pet vulture's been nesting

in our underwear storage room again. No,

it's for Aunt Jay. He says, I'll

never be the Norman Meyer you want me to

be. He's run away.

I hope we scraped enough algae off the

rafters. You know how much Aunt Ben loves

Lurch's dip. What's that?

Maybe it's a scary monster, and he's

going to burst out of the ground and tear

us limb from limb. Dreamer.

Hi, NJ. What's up?I've had it with my

parents. I've had it with their

constant pressure. And most of all, I've

had it with all their underwear.

Wow, this sounds serious. It

is. My parents have got my life all

figured out. They never let me do what I

want. That's why I'm running away from

home. I'm going it solo. Mano e

mano. You got a spare room?

Are you sure this is what you want to do,

NJ?I mean, why would you run away to here?

Because here I can be myself. Man,

your family really knows how to live. Got

it. Sometimes being in atoms can

can be challenging too, NJ.

Are you kidding?It's 100 times better

than being a Norman Meyer. You've got to

hide me. Please. Can you?HuhHuh

He sounds desperate. Let's bury him in

the graveyard. I think we need to do

something a little more subtle. Brain of

flea. You're right. Come on, NJ. We'll

throw you in the quicksand. Pugsley,

allow me to handle this, OK?

We know it's not right to keep this from

our parents thing, but we must help poor

NJ out. Yeah, he's our friend

and he's in trouble. Besides, this idea

won't hurt anyone. It won't. Darn.

And Noggin.

What lovely smiles. It's so

nice to see the both of you again. Yeah,

have a great time. I am. Dear. Try to

sound a little more excited. You're

right, Tish. Uncle

Cleaver. Glad to see you,

Cleaver, old man. You're going to have a

great time. Oh, flapping good time. This

is going to be the best family reunion

yet. Do you really think so?Nah, she just

told me to say that. There. There,

dear. Father, we

have a surprise for you. Yeah, it's an

Addams you've never met. Really.

Introducing Mumbles Addams.

A new Addams, you say?Why do they call

you Mumbles?

Great story, huh, Dad?Well, I'm glad you

could make it, Mumbles.

Yes.

But as you can see, things are pretty

dull around here. Gomez, quick.

Uncle Guzzle's drinking off the floor

again. What do you need from me?Your

drink. Hey, over here.

We'll give you the Grand Tour, Cousin

Mumbles. Yeah, let's go. Uh

ha. And just where do you think you're

going?

Relax. It's just Granny's psychic

checkpoint.

Is something wrong, Granny?No, but I

think I'm standing in one of Uncle Gazo's

dreams.

Hi, Cousin Ed. Do you know Cousin Mumbles?

He understands you. You

know what's really scary?I think I

understand him too. Oh,

Mumbles, it's your turn to be kissed

by Aunt Goomba. Our aunt,

pucker

up. Ew.

It. You simply must introduce me to your

friend. Me too. Me too. Of course,

Mumbles Adams. You must be my Uncle

Flossie's son. I could tell by your

teeth. I don't

think so. He's obviously from

the Cleaver Adams side of the family. The

sweaty palms, the furtive look. You

like knives, don't you?Don't you?

I knew it. I knew it.

Go ahead, take one. I got lots more.

Oh, can I have one?

Sorry. Hold it. Cousin

Mumbles is from my side of the family.

And mine. My side of the family.

No, ours. They

like me. They really like me.

Ken Hutt, it's time for a Norman Ware

check. CheckListen closely, Norman

Ware patrollers. We survived the elastic

shortage of 88. We

protected our extra largest from that

herd of marauding goats. Oh, that was a

touchy situation. But now we face our

greatest challenge, finding my

little boy. Study these

photos carefully. Here's Normie at two

years and one day. Here's Normie at two

years and two days. And look, look

He's wearing his first pair of underwear.

I customized them myself. There, there,

Bunky. They'll find our widow

Normie. So move

out,

then. Well, Tish, that's everyone. Let's

get this over with. I'll

show you, first cousin, what's removed.

Tish, what's going on?I don't know, dear.

Hey, Gomez, everyone's fighting over

Cousin Mumble. They're wrecking the

house. Oh, dear. Our

furniture, our dishes, all ruined.

Yes, like old times. Hey,

caramba. There's hope for this reunion

yet. Let's have a look for ourselves,

Tish.

You wouldn't want to leave now. We're in

the midst of some heavy-duty family

bonding.

Hold it, everyone!

Wait for me!

No, really, Uncle Cleaver. I'll juggle

these later. Man, I

thought your family knew how to live. But

they're a little too weird for me.

And you may not have noticed, but your

uncle backwash smells kind of funny.

What's wrong, NJ?Don't you like being an

atom's?It's just that I thought my life

would be easier as an atom's, but it's

not. Incoming weasel.

Cousin Mumbles, I've got great news.

You're invited to sit next to Uncle

Francis and his mother during dinner.

What'd he say?I said no

thanks. I don't want to touch Uncle

Cleaver's knives. I don't want any more

of Aunt Kumba's kisses. And I especially

don't want to sit next to Uncle Fracas or

his mother.

Bad move, old boy.

Come again?Help.

Uncle Francis, stop. This is a family

reunion. You just can't chase Cousin

Mumbles like that. Here, you forgot your

cousin smacker.

This is not working. We'd better do

something, Pugsley. OK, go,

Frackus, go. I was talking about

helping NJ Einstein.

Oh, no.

Thanks, guys. And what am I

going to do?Being a Norman Meyer is bad

enough, but being an Adams is even worse.

I don't fit in anywhere. I'll never be

like anyone else. What's wrong with that?

HuhWhat do you mean?Yeah, when I grow up,

I want to be just like Uncle Boyle.

Thanks, babe. Think about it,

NJ. None of the atoms are the same

like me. I'm different from any other

atoms, but my family still accepts me.

She's my favorite relative. Hey,

you can always be an atoms in your heart

and still be your own kind of Norman

Meyer, right, Pugsley?

What?Just talk to

your parents and tell them how you feel.

That's it. I've had enough.

NJ, wait. No, you're right. I've

got to stop running away from my problems

like this one. What have I done?Oh,

Wednesday. He'll be all right. Want some

coal?Now you've

done it. If you want a piece of NJ Adams,

you've got it. Come on, big

man. Let's get it on.

Go ahead. Just try to rip me to shreds. I

dare you. That sounds like fun, man. But

first I want you to apologize to my Mama.

That's all.

He'll be with you in a minute, Uncle

Fracas. It's no use,

dear. He can't find our weedo normie

anywhere. Hey, Scott.

I was too rough on him. Why, if

NG were to come back, I'd. I'd

go to work tomorrow without my tie.

Norman. Well, this is important.

I've lost my little Normie, and I'm not

very happy.

There, there, dear. Mom.

Dad, you're you're sharing

affection. Normie.

Thank goodness you're back. Son,

we'll try not to be so critical of you in

the future. Like right now, the way

you're standing, slumped over with bad

posture, and it could ruin your back for

life. But I'm not going to say anything.

No, siree, not me.

Mom. Dad, I didn't mean to

make you so upset, but I have something

important to tell you. Maybe I

maybe I can't be just like you want me to

be. Wow, I said it. Oh, that's OK,

son. We'll try to be a little more under.

Under. Understanding. That's the

word, son. Wow, Dad, are you really

going to work tomorrow without a tie?Why

not?I guess I can be a bit of a rebel

myself sometimes. George,

this is the best reunion yet, and we owe

it all to Cousin Mumbles. Father,

Cousin Mumbles is gone. Gone. But

what about the reunion?

Here's the life of the party. Dear, the

excitement doesn't have to end just

because Cousin Mumbles had to leave. By

Jove, you're right, Tish. When was the

last time you saw this many happy

Adamses, this much fun, or this much

broken furniture?I can't wait for next

year's reunion. All right, Shane.

Mother, Father, we have a

confession to make about Cousin Mumbles.

Just a minute, my little scourges. A

toast to Cousin Mumbles. Bible for Adams

of the Year. That is if he can beat out

Uncle Doug in the primaries.

Now, what was that about Cousin Mumbles?

Nothing, Father. Yeah, we'll tell you

tomorrow. Hey, Gomez, we

got the whole brood here. Let's do a mega

family dance. Top floor idea, Fester.

How about the Monkey Muffin Bucket Stand?

Nah, we did that last year. How about

Loomis Adams' Bat Bite Jubilee?

Eureka, Fester! Mirch, start the

music!

Ow! Ooh Yo! Uh, uh, uh,

uh Good one, Fester. You sharpened your

teeth.

Oh.