02x01 - Color Me Addams

[bunniefuu]

They're creepy and they're kooky,

mysterious and spooky. They're all

together, kooky, The Addams Family.

Their house is a museum where people come

to see 'em. They really are a scream,

The Addams Family.

Neat. Sweet.

Petite. So get a witch's shawl on,

a broomstick, pewpie, crawl on. We're

gonna pay 'em all on. The Addams

Family

They're creepy and they're spooky

Mysterious and spooky They're all

together spooky The Addams

Family

One second.

There. How's that, Morticia?That's the

perfect pose for your portrait Fester

deer. Now, wait. Wait, waitHow about this?

Umm

Ow! Yeah, mama. Now what do you

think?That's fine, Uncle Fester.

Uh uh, Thing. Hand off.

Thing, could you fetch me some jaundiced

yellow paint?I need it to capture

Fester's glorious eye color.

Nah. What you really need to be using are

your living paints. Why's that,

Uncle Fester?Because I really want to be

captured on canvas. Watch.

ohh

Now that's what I call art, and with a

bad attitude to boot.

Cousin

it. It's old top. Back from the

Madagascar yak wrestling competition, I

see. How'd you do?

You sly devil. No woman can resist you

regardless of her size, shape, or

species. Darling, Cousin It's here so I

can paint him. I'll get your canvas.

No, Gomez, I'm going to paint him.

I should have known. Of

course, old man. We'll be happy to prime

and rustproof you first.

Now, Thing, I appreciate your help,

but this is my project.

Ah

Parental units, I present my artistic

masterpiece.

Iced ugly. Tish, our boy. He's

frozen. Every fiber of his being stopped

cold. Oh, reminds me of our honeymoon in

Antarctica. Ha ha. Gotta me up. Speaking

of Antarctica, my ice sculpture of Uncle

Frostbite should be about done.

HuhThe statue's melting. Yes,

just like dear Uncle Frostbite

thing. I told you not to tamper with

my work. Now be a good thing and find

a project of your own to do. Oh yeah,

touchdown. Uncle Fester, that pose is

exquisite. It would

be if those hungry ferrets in the corner

would hurry up and latch on to my

jugular. You know, Tish, your work is

so comforting, it's just too bad we can't

share it with the rest of the world.

Querido, what a wonderful

idea. I've always wanted to have a

gallery showing. Thundering buffaloes,

Tish. That's an A1 idea.

I'll get hold of Van Swash at the Hoity

Gallery and arrange it at once.

You sod. Lurch,

please let Uncle Fester down. I'm much

too excited to continue now. Yes,

Mrs. Adams.

Hold it. I don't want to fall on the

floor. Open the trap door first.

That's better. Now I got a clear path to

the incinerator. Falls away.

Well, this is marvelous. It must have

taken a great deal of imagination to come

up with such a creative concept. It

didn't take much imagination, Van Swash.

That's Uncle Jigsaw. He really looks like

that. You know somebody that looks like

this?Know him?Why?He lives with it. Well,

at least parts of him do.

One second thought. Take it away. I don't

want it here. And how about this portrait

of Cousin Dribble?You know her, too. Not

only that, sir. She's available.

Oh, my aching stomach. Father,

he's overwhelmed. Ah, too bad your mother

isn't here with a canvas. This is a

moment that should be captured for

posterity. Out! Out,

you sickos!

I've got every piece except the painting

of Cousin Dribble. Oh, I hung that up in

the gallery for Mr. Van Swash to admire,

Father, and

admire it. He does.

That thing is frightening, completely

beyond recognition. Why, thank you, Miss

Piff. But if you think this is

frightening, I have something that will

really make your hair stand on end. Oh,

my scars. That is one idiot. Oh, that's

my son, Pugsley. This is what I

wanted you to see. No, take it away.

Please. PleaseJust go, please.

How sweet. She's

overwhelmed.

I can't understand why none of the

galleries would show your artwork. I'm so

disappointed. It's affecting my game.

Caramia, you got a ringer?Yeah,

but aim higher next time. I like it

better when they bounce off my head.

Don't you see, Mother?Like all great

artists, your highly evolved work needs

to be displayed on its own. Gadfrey.

That's it, Tish. I'll just buy you your

own museum. Hello,

operator. Get me the Louvre. That's

sweet, darling, but I'd prefer a small

backyard charity showing for the art

program at the children's school. Hmm

Our backyard needs some work, but I could

unleash a herd of angry cows and pump

in some of that raw sewage from Uncle

Fluster's bedroom. Hey, I was saving

that. Oh, well, I guess it's for a good

cause. Here.

Toss that over there by those burning

tires, Lurch. Uh,

the backyard's starting to look better

already. Hmm,

children, did you get the quicksand pit

restock?Sure thing, Dad.

Oh, I gotta tell you, muffin tin, that

underwear meatloaf looks so good, I don't

know whether to eat it or wear it.

No nibbling on the label until supper

game. Oh, sorry, Normina.

The high-stakes world of the underwear

business has got me a little edgy today.

The Addams.

What are those no-good Knicks up to?

Hey, Norm. Morticia's having a charity

art show for the junior high, and I got

myself embroidered for it. You want to

see where Lurch signed his name?No.

We can't let them show they're huge

art to impressionable young children.

They could be scarred for life. We've got

to stop them. Oh, but I can't, my little

congealed salad. I got the granddaddy of

all underwear deals about to pop, and I

got to stay glued to the phone. It's up

to you, Normina. The ball's in your

court. It all rests on your pretty little

shoulders. Can you do it?Can you do it?

Are you up to the task, Pot Pie?Well, I

hope. I'm in for it.

Maybe. Good, goodThat's the

spirit. Now go over there and kick some

Adam's buttYou can count on me, sidedish.

Nice turnout, eh, Tish?Old friends

stopping by, mingling with each other.

And the buffet is really popular, too.

Care for some punch?Come

on, try it. It'll put hair on your chest,

or melt it off like mine.

Ladies and gentlemen, honored guests,

both living and deceased, I now

present the Art of the Atoms, featuring

the work of my beloved mortician.

Told you they'd like it, Caramia.

Caramia.

Step right up, folks. The art won't bite.

At least it's not supposed to.

Can I interest anyone here in some

psychic art?Oh, give it up,

Granny. That psychic art is a bunch of

hogwash. It is not. Then

prove it. All right, then close

your left eye. Now your right eye.

Now the other one. But why do I have to

close that one?It's shielded by

clothing. Just do it.

Oh, OK. Now,

imagine yourself at the beach when the

sun rises, waves crash,

gulls squawk, so calm, so

peaceful. Except for that steamroller

that's careening out of control and

heading right for you. Look out.

Well, what do you think?Man, that

psychic art back's a wallop. I

believe. Oh, boy. I

believe.

Cease and desist, Thing. This artistic

statement is a most personal one. Run

along, dear appendage.

Where are your parents?Yonder,

admiring the performance art of friend

Lurch.

What?Oh. Oh,

disgusting. By the way,

if that's supposed to be your brother, it

doesn't look anything like him. It will

after he breaks out from inside.

What a nice pose. This won't take

long.

Thing. This is my

drawing.

I'm finished, Madam. There you are, dear.

This doesn't look anything like me. Not

physically, no. But I've captured the

real inner you.

No, noAnd with exercise

and the proper diet, you can bring that

inner you out. Morticia Adams, what is

going on here?Uh, Normina,

so nice of you to come to our little

charity art show. Can I interest you in

this scenic depiction of Uncle Carcass's

Mojave adventure?Gross. That would

give me nightmares. And a few rare

diseases, if you're lucky. Hey, Normina,

want to buy a ticket to our charity art

raffle?I'm the prize. But you're not a

piece of art, old man. Well, I will be

after Lurch mulches my body and spreads

it all over a canvas. Well, I'll take a

shot at that. That's that's

disgusting and vile.

I know you. You're Digby Korblar, the

art critic for the Happydale Heights

Gazette. Do you read my column?

Read it?I line the inside of my

clothes with it. You want to

see?No. Nor do I want to see any more of

this so-called art show. You hear that,

Tish?One look and he's already made-up

his mind. I smell a four-star review.

Nah, that's just the ink dripping from my

trench coat. And it's only from a

three-star review. Thank you, Mr.

Korb Larb. I'm so pleased you like my

art. Like it. I loathe it. You call this

art?You're not an artist. You could never

be an artist. But I thought. Isn't that a

bit harsh, old man?That was nothing. I

intend to write the most scathing review

of my career. Good night. The

creator cakes are hard, but cheeky,

cheeky. I

don't understand. I put my soul into my

work to mention Uncle Gonner's leftover

enzymes, and I didn't even get a chance

to unveil my latest creation.

Fear not, Mater. Like Uncle Fester's

tooth decay pinata, it may take others

years to appreciate your efforts like we

do. She's right, Tish. I'm sure

tomorrow's crowd will love your work. She

can't show tomorrow. Oh, no.

I have got to stop this show tonight.

It's made a left turn past Gross, and

it's heading toward Ew. Now, how to

stop it?Think, think, think, think,

think. I've got it. Oh,

aren't I the sneaky one?

Oh, get your thorny tendrils off of me.

I'm a married woman, you know. Well, I

can't wait to see what masterpiece is

under here.

Yuck. That's more disgusting than the 8

by 10 Glossia Fester's nasal cavity they

sent us last Christmas. Impressionable

children could be warped by this for

life. I must take action.

It's my civic duty to censor this

painting. Whoops.

Caught in the act of organism. That

disgusting hands on to me.

Yes. See, officer, I told you this is

where they came from. So I see, ma'am.

Lurch, who's pounding on the door,

disturbing our sleep?Mrs. Norman

Meyer and the fuzz.

Thanks, old girl. Now I get to spend the

rest of the night tossing and turning.

She's the one, the culprit, the

perpetrator. Lock her up. Lurch,

where did you get that gargoyle?It looks

familiar.

It must have gotten loose from that

dreadful painting of yours. Look what I

found. Say, where'd you get him?He

crawled up my trench coat and passed out.

I never have any luck with pets.

My painting. Someone's used the

living paint and freed the gargoyles I

painted. Who could have done that?

Normina. Nobody had seen my

painting, but you knew about the

gargoyles. No, no, wasn't me. I

just wanted to ruin the painting, not set

those those things free. She's

got you there, Tish. An ironclad alibi

thing. Do you know anything about this?

Now you tell the truth, young hand.

Mr. Adams, these monsters are running

amok in the city. So you got a problem

with that?Well, frankly, Sir, yes.

OK. I guess we'll have to stop him, but

it's your loss. Thing. I'll deal with you

later.

Thing. Haven't you?Yes,

you're right, dear. My living

paint. Quickly to the canvas.

Querida. When you paint like that, it

reminds me of that feverish look you get

when you're tightening the rack. Cara.

Mia Gomez. Paint now,

pant later.

Right.

Lurch, would you do the honors?Hey,

lucky for you, we've got the old rhythm

master here to lay down a groove for us.

What happens?Now, now Fester will perform

the ancient ritual of the calling of the

gargoyles.

Testing. Testing. Is this thing on?Thank

you very much. I'd like to send a

little something to all you gargoyles and

gargettes out there running them up

tonight. And it goes something like this.

Here, gargoyles. Gargoyles. Oh,gargoyles.

Oh, yeah, gargoyles.

Do you hear me callin' ya?Come on home to

me 'Cause I need you by my

fabric gargoyle Come to

me, gargoyle Oh,

gargoyle You

hear me, gargoyle Hey,

hey,

gargoyle Here, gargoyle

Man, I love that note.

There. They're all accounted for.

You're not going to let them get away

with this, are you, Officer?No, ma'am.

Morticia Adams, I'm afraid you're under

arrest for violating civil code number



gargoyles without a license. Mrs. Adams,

I heard you were responsible for those

bizarre creatures running around the

city. I didn't know Wednesday and Pudsley

were running around the city. I think

he's talking about the gargoyles,

darling. You mean you actually painted

this?Yes. Well,

it's it's horrid. Puprid.

Thickening. No. Brilliant.

None of that matters because she's going

to jail. Jail. You don't send geniuses to

jail. You celebrate them. Morticia

Adams will be the new darling of the art

world. Tish, when was the last time an

Adams was celebrated?Not since those

scientists found a way to vulcanize Uncle

Fester's armpits. Uh, that was

nothing. I'm just waiting for that big

breakthrough so they can laminate my

uvula. You don't think I'm going to live

next door to all these gargoyles, do you?

You're absolutely right, Normina.

We've been selfish. Won't you take one

home as a gift from us?Oh, no. Get

away. Get away. Oh, no. Look at that.

She's overwhelmed.

Thing. We need to talk about these

gargoyles you released.

Congratulations. It was your quick

thinking that stopped them. Now, I know

you like to help me, but there are some

things that we each have to do alone. So

when I'm busy doing my paintings, you can

create masterpieces of your own.

She's right, Thing. What do you say?

Magnifico. Now we'll have two

world-renowned artists in the family.

Father, perhaps the officer and Mr.

Korblarp would like to join us for an

Addams Family dance. Yes, ma'am. We'd

love to, ma'am. Absolutely. Capital

idea. What about the blister juice rumba?

Come on, Gomez, you can't do that without

holding a corn dog. Darn, you're

right. Ha ha. Then how about the cloche

Fandango?You read my mind. Lurch, you

play. I'll lather.

Ohh That's going to sting in the morning.