01x08 - October 17, 1998

[bunniefuu]

Good evening, and welcome to Whose Line

Is It Anyway?Tonight on the show, he does

his own stunts. Wayne Brady, she does her

own choreography. Denny Siegel, he does

his own hair. Colin Mochrie, he does

okay. Thanks for asking. Ryan Styles. And

I'm Drew Carey, your host. Come on now,

let's have some fun. Hey.

Hello. Welcome to

Whose Line Is It Anyway?The show that

asks the question, whose line is itanyway?

If you never saw the show before, it's

how it works. These performers here have

to come out and make up sketches and

skits based on suggestions on these cards

that they've never seen before and based

on suggestions from the audience. They

have to make it up right on the spot, off

the top of their heads. It's really fun

to watch. And then at the end of every

little game that we play, we award points

that don't matter at all. And

at the end of the show, I pick a winner,

and they get to do a little something

with me.

Wish I could tell you what it is, but

we're owned by Disney. First game

we're going to play is a game called

Let's Make a Date. This is for all four

performers. Ryan, Colin and Wayne are

going to be contestants on a dating type

show, hoping to be picked by Denny.

Denny's going to question him, see who

she wants to go out the most. But each of

them has a strange characteristic or

identity, and they're all written down on

these cards here in these envelopes. They

haven't seen them before. This is the

first time they're having a look at them,

and Denny's going to question them and

then try to guess who they are at the end

of the game here. So when you're ready,

Denny, go ahead and off you go. OK,

Bachelor #1. Hello.

Condense. Well,

that's their number one. Yes.

When I go out to dinner, I never pay for

myself because I don't have to.

So...

Wow. I could just stop playing

right now, but I'm contractually

obligated to go on.

Bachelor number two. Yes. I never went to

college because there were just too many

books.

What I'm wondering is, if you were my

professor, Bachelor number two, Yes. what

would you teach me?What would I teach you?

I think I would teach... Are you allright?

I'm fine. I'm just feeling a wee bit

under the weather.

Okay.

Bachelor number three, hello. Hello, it's

very nice to make your acquaintance. Oh,

thank you. Um..

Bachelor number three. Yes. My ideal

date involves a good-looking man, a fast

car, and a reflective surface in which I

can check my hair. I'm wondering, what's

your ideal date?Well, uh, probably the

same. You have lovely hair, by the way.

I'm sure that's your natural color.

Well, bachelor number three, if the date

goes well, you might get to check.

Alrighty, bachelor number one. Si si

hastis humante.

So what I'm wondering is, if you took me

out for a romantic dinner, what kind of a

meal would you take me to?I would

take you, take you, take you to the place

He put a smile up around your face

Because I go, I go, the deal will

seal When I give your behind a happy

meal

All right, bachelor number two. Bachelor

number two, I've always been a city girl.

If you were to take me out to the

country, what would we do there?I don't

know, I'd go all the way home.

Okay.

Okay, uh..

Okay, Denny, you want to go ahead and

guess who they are?Okay, well, I don't

want to go with bachelor number one

because he's an Italian opera singer and

he probably has to go to bed. Right.

Exactly. That was a tough one. I don't

know how I got that. And bachelor number

two would upset all my rabbi friends

because he's turning into a pig. Yes.

But I'm kind of interested in bachelor

number three because he's either taking a

lie detector testOr he's a

fly getting zapped?Uh, he's

kind of like a fly getting zapped, yeah.

He's, uh.. He gets an electric shock

every time he has an impure thought. Ohh

So that was that. Nice

job, everybody.

That'll be 1,000 points to Colin for

turning to a pig quicker than Bill

Clinton did.

Now, let's go into a game called Song

Styles. This is for Wayne and Laurel

Hall. Wayne Brady, Laurel Hall.

Amazing, honestly.

Amazing, amazing. Do

you go to school at all?Are you a student?

Do you have a job?What's your name?My

name is Trisha. Trisha. What do you do

for a living, Trisha?I teach swimming

lessons. You teach swimming

lessons?Come here, Trisha. She teaches

swimming lessons.

we're gonna give Trisha a second to go

changing her swimsuit and come back out.

Wayne, uh, you're gonna sing to Trisha

who works, uh, teaching swimming lessons,

which I'm sure pays fabulously. And, uh,

you'll be singing in the style of Louis

Armstrong.

Hey, baby

I want to sing a song today

I saw you at the YMCA

Oh, I knows it could not be fun

If I was grinding, would you give me CBR?

This is my song, and my song has

been sung. You've got a

real nice looking aqualung.

Oh, little darling, accept this

from me. I'm gonna do a little

solo for my beauty from beneath the sea.

I said...

H2O Oh,

teach me all that you know

Oh, yeah

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm going to give all the points to Louis

Armstrong on that one. That was great,

man. A million points, like you'd need

them. Buy yourself a car.

Now we come to a game called Props. This

is where they divide into two pairs, try

to come up with as many different ways of

using these props as they can. Ryan and

Denny, come get your prop.

Remember, we're on a Disney-owned

network. And

Wayne and Colin, come get your prop.

Ryan and Denny, you'll start, and I'll

buzz you in between. Boy, you were right

about that early bird gets the wormstuff.

ohh The passing of the Olympic torch.

What the...?What the...?Hey!

Uh Uh Master Luke, I've been shot! Master

Luke! If

the bird's going in that direction, I'm

going that way.

Finster and Pfister, one moment, please.

Finster and Pfister, one moment, please.

Finster and Pfister, one moment, please.

Welcome to Las Vegas!

No, it didn't help at all.

What you looking at, Kyle?I'll kick your

butt

Yeah, yeah, I'm Italian. How'd you know

that?Thank you very

much. How's your haste?Stay by radio.

We're gonna go see a commercial when we

come back. We'll have lots more Whose

Wine Is It Anywhere?

Hey, welcome back to Whose Line Is It

Anyway, the show where everything's

made-up and the points don't matter. If

you're keeping track of the score, I pity

you. Okay, now let's

go on to a game called Party Quirks. It's

a game for Denny and Wayne, Ryan, and

Colin. Now, Denny, you're gonna be

hosting a party, and then Wayne, Ryan,

and Colin will be the guest, but each of

them has a strange quirker identity that

are written on these cards here. They

haven't seen these cards before, it's the

first time they're having a look at them,

and Denny has to guess what the quirks

are. So, why don't you guys line up

there. I'll bring you in with the bell,

one at a time. And Denny, whenever you're

ready, start the party. Come

in. Hey. Hey,

Wayne. Hey, Denny, how you doing?

How you doing?50,000 points. Good to see

you. I have another guest. Excuse me.

Yes, hi.

Excuse me, I have another guest. Nice to

see you, Colin. Yes, yes, come in.

It's too high. Help me down, Daddy. Oh,

come on, you can do it. You can do it.

Ohh There you go. Well, thank you for

inviting me to your lifeboat. Are you all

right?Look up.

ohh

Wayne! Wayne! Wayne if you...

You don't have to stay if you don't want

to. I think you'd be more comfortable

being in an actual pinball machine.

Very nice. Ohh

Yes, I... Thank you for coming. I know

it's hard for you to make time when

you're in every Hitchcock movie evermade.

Are Are you my Thanksgiving dinner?

close. You're a beheaded chicken, aren't

you?

Hey, Colin, nice T-shirt.

Thousand points for

Colin. Now let's play a game called

Greatest Hits. This is a game for Colin,

Ryan, and Wayne with the help of Laura

Hall. On the funeral of Laura Hall.

What's gonna happen here is Colin and

Ryan are gonna be TV voice-over guys.

They're gonna be talking about the latest

compilation album, and Wayne is gonna try

to sing snippets of the songs that Colin

and Ryan give to him. And what we need

from the audience is a sort of profession

that you normally don't sing songs about.

Anybody?

Butcher. I heard butcher.

So, the name of your album is...

Songs of the Butcher.

I know, don't. Don't touch that channel.

Don't. We've got a special offer for you.

Songs of the Butcher, a two-CD set.

Nothing but hits. We've trimmed the fat.

Bell-bottoms, platform shoes,

glitter, afros. But enough about Ryan.

That also reminds me of disco.

And one of the best hits on this two-CD

compilation set is a

great disco hit... Tenderize

this.

Hey, listen to me Yeah, it's no

surprise Let me see that big old thing

you used to tenderizeYou're looking

at me You're treating me like a piece of

meat So come over here and

use that thing to bead Oh, I've got some

loving that you don't want to miss So let

me get real naked so you can tenderizethis

You know, as a special bonus, if you

order by midnight, what will they receive?

They will receive it earlier than if they

ordered it later. That's right.

Now, a special bonus of these two CDs. A

bonus?That's right. We have songs of

relatives of famous people. Who

can forget the famous

song by Ray Charles' cousin, Buddy,

who's got the pork?

Not this little woman think I'm a dog

Oh, I love your white meat Give me that

pork Oh,

listen, lady Think that you might be

big Oh, I

love my piggy and I love my pork I love

my piggy when I take it to work Oh, give

me pork That's what I say Oh,

yeah I want my pork

Don't know white meat I want it today

Pork it out

Thank you! You know,

Colin, we're not just

offering this deal in this country. We're

offering this to people throughout the

world, because Songs of the Butcher

transcends so many borders and

boundaries. That's right! Who could ever

forget the song that was on the the hit

parade, the ska hit?

Wieners, legs, and chops.

Oh, that's right, that

one. Yes. Now become a seated type of

meat You get stuck Me know you realizing

I'm the winner and the chop You take out

the wiener, you put it in your mouth You

take out the wiener, put it in your mouth

And then you wiggle it all about Because

the wiener The chocolate and the wiener,

the wiener Eat the chocolate and the half

of a buck Me 'cause me like to eat it

And after that is finished, man, we take

no joke. Me like to take a winner, and

then we have a smoke. Smoke the winner.

Come on in now. Smoke the winner.

Please order now. Order now, won't

you?Don't go away. We're going to win a

commercial. Find out who the winner is.

And we're going to go in the community

with some of the man and come back with

more Whose Line Is It Anyway, right after

this.

Hello, and welcome back to Who's Lion?Is

it any way?The winners tonight, Ryan and

Colin. Ryan Song, Colin Muckley. What

we're gonna do for you tonight is a game

called Helping Hands. What's gonna happen

is Ryan and I are gonna be doing a scene

together with the help of Colin, who's

gonna be the hands for Ryan. Ryan cannot

use his own hands, just like in real

life. And, Wayne,

what's our scene?Ryan, who is aiming for

a promotion, has invited his boss, Drew,

over to impress him with his barbecue.

Oh, boy. I hope everything goes OK. Ryan.

Hi. How are you?Nice to see you, sir.

Nice to see you. Nice spread you have

here. Oh, so what do you have for us

today?Oh, we got everything, boss. I I

got all the different kinds of meat,

'cause I wasn't sure what you'd like. I

got wieners. Do a lot of great wiener.

Oh, ohh Ryan, you're

talking to me. I was known at school for

my wiener impersonation. Well, here's a

walrus. Here's a walrus.

That's really great, but you're getting

your fingerprints all over my dogs. Oh,

maybe we should have burgers instead,

sir. I'm sorry. These ones seem to be

done already. I'll just put one in a bun

for you. How's that, sir?Any, uh..

I'd like some mustard and ketchup with

that if it's okay. Oh, you bet, sir. We

got lots of it right here. This would be

over here. This would be the mustard,

sir. How much do you like?Just a little.

Just a little for you. That's plenty.

Ketchup, sir. Yes, please. Oh, right.

Ketchup is right. No, that's a mustard

again. I'm so silly. The ketchup is right

by my brewskis here. There it is. I don't

think this is working. Oh, yeah, it is.

There it is. Oh, no, you're not.

Say, do you ever drink ketchup raw?Do you

ever just try to drink ketchup raw?You

know I love it.

How was that?

Maybe you'd like to wash that down with a

cold beer. I would, I would like to wash

that down with a cold beer, sir. Here,

let me get you one first. Let me shake it

up, make sure it's okay. Oh, is there

beer in there?Can I hear it?Is there beer

in there?Is there beer in there?your beer?

Yeah, maybe I'd like some chips. Maybe

I'd like some chips. Here we go. Ah,

that is some beer. That one. I can't

wait. I can't wait.

I always like to drink it with the spout

upside the can. Yeah, that's a

good idea. Boy, oh, boy, nothing like

some whiskey and some chips. I'm a whale,

I'm a whale. Say, what's those little

wood things for?Oh, well, this is what we

put on the barbecue. Thank you, sir.

These are the wood chips for the

barbecue. Oh, yeah?I think I can

juggle... Are they mesquite or something

fancy like that, or just regular?Are they

mesquite or anything, or just regular?

What the hell do you mean by that, sir?My

wife told you to say that, didn't she?

Look, I don't need your promotion. I

don't need your job. I don't need

anyone. Don't cry.