01x13 - Adventure of the Romantic Pigeon

[bunniefuu]

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[Applause]

based on stories by paul gallico

starring wally cox

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casual

i can't eat the sprinters

and just like you were in the next room

what's higher in the holiday doing

uh well miss trinity's uh writing a very

interesting article on pigeons

pigeons

now get this and get it straight smith

henrik van hooten is on his way here to

new york

and i've just found out that he'll be on

a train tonight between amsterdam and

rotterdam now all you've got to do is

find him and to have an interview with

him

uh do you think you can handle that

smith well i could because this man is

hot copy smith he's got an atomic

formula that'll light up the whole world

from a plant no bigger than a dog house

and he's presenting it to the u.n

now you get off your elbows

and get to him well i have been trying

to get to him uh mr finish but i've got

any pictures

the answer

tonight

yes

yes

furnace

how did mr apprentice react to my

projected article on the life and habits

of the pigeon joel oh he was crazy about

it

good

he also implied that we'd both be dead

pigeons if we don't find this hendrick

van hooten

he's on a train between amsterdam and

rotterdam tonight

i think we better get packed oh

what's the matter

i don't think mr prentice realizes what

this might do to my research into the

thought patterns of the pigeon uh you

may find this hard to understand but mr

prentice really isn't interested in your

pigeon research really

no he wants us to find this dutch

scientist this might not be maddie's

picture taken

it's the world's greatest authority on

nuclear energy i wouldn't mind excuse me

where you going

i believe homer has returned

home

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this is homer a member of the family

columbine

oh

although he may have a touch of tipler

blood

he drinks

tipler is the name acquired because of

the rather peculiar maneuvers during

flight

i believe he has a message for me

haram what's this all about you mean

this drinking pigeon brings you messages

well perhaps i better explain you see

most homing pigeons are trained to

return to a locale

the stimulus being food

i therefore reason that

if i were always to carry a bag of

popcorn he could be trained to return to

me

my my being a person rather than a place

well what about these messages

well that's a rather interesting

development for which i have as yet no

scientific explanation well what are

they you see when i send homer out i

attach a communication to his leg gives

him a sense of

mission uh what sort of communication oh

usually some poetry of my own

composition and what does he come back

with well oddly enough

he usually returns bearing a bit of

rather unbridled keats written in a

feminine hand

where did you get it

i have no idea

excuse me

keats

worse

shelley

i feel that things are rushing to a

cl*max

i think you need a train ride to cool

you off

let's pack

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i am sorry well let go oh first

say i

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would you mind helping me up

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i'm awfully sorry i just wasn't thinking

what destruction if you should put your

mind to it

any bones broken

quite amusing

oh i didn't mean that

having trouble

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just not myself today joel

um we got a job to do

blind van hooten

homer

i just couldn't leave him

i see

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i see no van hooten of course he could

be anyone then how do we find him

chuamadam i told you france i have a

plan

he travels with a companion

i believe it to be a daughter

at any rate he does not travel alone

yeah so so we look for two people

and then

mania excuse me please

it seems i have a problem

a rather complicated problem

the uh gentleman knows something of

mathematics oh god

then perhaps you would be so kind as to

see signs

they mean something indeed they will

mean that we have found our man

for only a hendrick van hooten could

come close to a solution

shall we go a moment

let me find him

then

then i shall make him a most generous

proposition for his discovery

if he does not accept

ah

yes

off the train with both van hooten and

his daughter to a spot where we can be

more persuasive

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we've got to find van hooten and i can't

do it sitting here holding this stupid

pigeon it is popcorn he loves popcorn i

believe he spent his childhood in a

drive-in movie

hiram this bird belongs in the baggage

car and you belong on the trail of a

story now are you a newspaper man or a

pigeon fancier

well i should think a little bit of both

well i

i

[Applause]

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how do you do

i thought i saw a pigeon in here

really

all pets must be taken to the baggage

car

tickets gentlemen

here

that pigeon

i heard

really

your ticket

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do you seek to make the fool of me

certainly not

regulations as laid down by the nato

landscape rail transport commission are

not to be flouted yes sir

be warned

for the next violation you shall both be

put off the plane

yes sir

i knew it would happen

how do i recover homer joel

put salt on his tail i'm going to the

diner

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we are not intruding no come in

thank you well

my uh my friend and i have a small wager

you see we have an algebraic problem and

he wages that no man on this train is

able to solve it

you uh know something of mathematics

oh uh smattering

from perusing the private diaries of

euclid and some of the others

oh i take it you do not travel alone

oh no

and you go to after them yes if i'm not

put off the train

oh oh i see your chest huh

perhaps you would be so good as to look

this over

hey this is interesting

you shall of course require paper and

pencil one does not deal with

quaternions in the head alone

is it all right if i count on my fingers

well

i believe that taking the vector sine of

u to be the

cube of y

and the tensor of b to be equal to the

definite integral e over the

the

c minus x to the first bar of l to the

nth power of

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there's only one man in the civilized

world who could have done that without

the use of an electronic computer

congratulations oh just a lucky guess oh

hardly

well now we can get down to more serious

matters good we are fully aware of the

little secret you are carrying with you

oh you are

and i should very much like to have it

simple as that

now this is how i do business

you take it a signed blank check i leave

it to you to fill in the amount oh thank

you very much but

i wouldn't want to part with homer uma

ah the code name for your project i

understand

well

no i don't think i do

but you understand figures my well dear

sir

well i will name one

three million gilda

let's see that would be a little under a

million dollars

you drive a hard bargain

i will make it a million dollars

thank you but

i don't want to sell

well two million dollars fill it in

i don't wish to pry but why are you so

anxious to acquire homer

because i alone will know what to do

with it that is why

three million

do you think i'm not able to pay is that

it i warn you sir my patience goes thin

four million and that is my final figure

no

i i don't think he's really worth it but

thanks anyway can you leave us no choice

friends

you should await the return of your

daughter

you may have quite a weight

oh we should be very patient

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strong as you like what do you say

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oh they're uh waiting for my daughter oh

your daughter

joel you found homer i flew into my soup

in the diner

that is homer

yes isn't he a beauty

you are buying a pigeon

and your name is

hiram holiday i'm sorry i should have

introduced myself

and you have no daughter only a pigeon

hans come

you will say no word of this to anyone

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what was that

i believe they thought i was van hooten

they seem to be after his secret

what

say jewel

there's a message in homer's capsule

i never put a message in there

shelley

oh

that's impossible

what is

the maximum velocity of a pigeon

is about 25 feet per second but this

train is going at least 100 feet per

second you can hardly have flown to

amsterdam and returned well i told you

we only flew into my soup

joel the conclusion is inescapable she

must be on this train

oh you mean the pigeon lady yes

and i must confess i find the prospect

quite exciting

because i've always admired shelley

harem snap out of it who has been really

are after van hooten then not only is

his discovery in danger it could be his

life i know

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now listen

are you listening to me of course joel

now i'll cover this under the train you

go back that way and cover the diner

i'll join you there you got it

good

this is more than a story now harold

it's the matter of a discovery vital to

the world and a man's life

find van hooten

i'll do my very best joel and good luck

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i'm terribly sorry i have some cleaning

fluid in my bag it's my own formula

and please no

i was going to sit down

well then do

it safer that way

thank you

i beg your pardon

oh i believe he desires some popcorn

hardly

he brings me a message

he brings you a message

excuse me it's most private

shelly

the fountains mingle with the river

and the rivers with the ocean the winds

of heaven mix forever with the sweet

emotion

you

you know the quotation

quite well

and perhaps i can tell you for a week

i've been brought poetry from a man i've

never met

it's most interesting he's an adventurer

he's the last of the romantic heroes

yes i can see him

he's tall with raven locks and one

ringlet falling over a bronze brow

his shoulders abroad

his step

is that of the panther his gaze is keen

and questing i don't suppose he wears

glasses

hardly

oh excuse me oh

not at all

you will excuse me i'ma write an answer

you do not mind holding the bird

not at all

hi roman

hello joe

are you playing with a stupid pigeon

again i found her joel or more

accurately homer founder found who

i don't know her name

what about van hooten have you found him

no

snap out of it

she thinks i have raven locks tumbling

in ringlets over a bronze brown

after all this you haven't even told her

who you are it would have been too cruel

hiram i don't understand you at all i've

seen you tame a man eating lion and you

won't even tell a girl that you've been

writing her poetry i feel more at ease

with a lion well put your mind on the

problem with hand now i've covered over

half of this train and not a

doctor bird here comes the conductor

how do you do

uh

one of yous

uh from my head

i have warned you both of you that all

pets must be taken to the baggage car

i shall not be made of food the doctor

forget about the pigeon

how could i forget it i want your help

it's a life and death matter that we

find this henrik van hooten scientist

yes

he has a discovery that some men are

trying to steal from it

it's an atomic power plant that will

light up the whole world

it's only as big as a dog house

so

american jokes yes dog houses

atom bombs

very

funny

i don't think so

it isn't an atom b*mb it's a

wonder where he came from

both of you on the next stop ah you

can't

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no

no i

i cannot give my secret to

men such as you

you cannot force me to give it

so we cannot force you

no

no

once later

father

i

your daughter

now perhaps you will be more receptive

you are made

someone will come the train is slowing

down

i have arranged for us all to leave for

a quieter place

and your charming bird my dear

we want you to be most comfortable

friends they're banks

well that's that

i'm sorry joel

sure

if we could find the police station and

have them wire rotterdam

i doubt if we could even find a time of

day around here

what is it

i believe somebody else got off the

train

you will walk directly to the car

hello how do you do

hey those are the two men that were

after van hooten

i fear they found him and the girl is

that his daughter

also my correspondent my pigeon what are

we gonna do

you try and find the police i'll have to

hitch a ride

we are all comfortable

good

i see we are not followed

to your farm whole bang

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that is good

you are a reasonable man

what could i do

you hate my daughter you will find me a

most efficient guardian of your secret

or giving it to the world

you are almost a dangerous radical my

dear sir

what guarantee do we have a safety once

you have the formula for you have my

word

he did stan

obey answer it

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may i come in take them home

[Applause]

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you came along good

i would have brought my friend joel but

i must warn you he's gone for the local

constraint

what did you do

the formula the bird will find its owner

do without what you will my father's

discovery now belongs to the world

perhaps we can catch that part catch a

falling jar the bird is winging its way

to the man i love i should not have

listened to you you could cost me my

farm quiet cheese maker

hands come fake

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you

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you

take the bird farms

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now over there both of you

don't pinch my cheetahs

good quality cheddar i believe

stand aside

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destroyers

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[Applause]

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you are magnificent

i'm sorry i don't have raven locks from

this day on wherever you are i will come

to you really

by picture

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uh that's my new york call mr furniture

hello

hello mr prentice did you get my story

all right

and not at all bad huh

what

what

well how do i know how the pigeon always

found harem and the girl he just did

that's all

well how do i know how a bird's brain

works

oh if anyone should know i should

be very funny

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now all right mr prince

all right

now don't believe the story don't

publish it

goodbye

didn't like the story joel no

i'm sorry

say uh

i'm teaching homer here to fly to new

york uh where miss van houghton is any

messages

take this down

dear mr prentice

you sir are an ignorant bumbling louty

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i think he prefers shelly

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the adventures of hiram holiday starring

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