01x04 - Mascot Rumble / Heathcliff of Sherwood Forest

[bunniefuu]

Who's the sassiest, brassiest, classiest

cat?

Heatcliff. Who's

got charm?Who's got warmth?Who's got

style?You can bet he'll never get caught

in the dog catcher's net. Heatcliff.

Who's light on his feet?A whiz of

disguise?Who'll steal a mackerel right

under your eye?Heatcliff.

Here come his friends, a trio of creeps.

dingbat, ohh the vampire dog, the

spari of the skeleton, and that

jack-o'-lantern of all trades, nobody.

It's the Heathcliff and Dingbat Show.

Sam Sneak, Private Eye. This is

the place, all right. Odd Jobs

Incorporated, reporting for the file

clerk jobs. Now listen, creeps,

I'm hot on the trail of a missing

diamond. You can start by

filing this.

Spare rib, get our complete filing

system.

It'll take till doomsday to file all

this junk. No, it won't.

ABCDD

for desk.

And I got it all in in a single

file. Nothing to it.

Speaking of nothing. Where's nobody?Blah,

blah. Under N. Where else?

Let's see. Newts.

Nuts. Nerds.

Nasty!

Nobody!

A customer, quick, get this place ready.

I need the services of a private eye.

Would you settle for two private eyes and

a professional nose?

I don't know who to turn to. I'm so

upset. I've lost my yes,

yes, pet Maltese parrot.

Where were you on the night of the 5th?

Why are there fingerprints on the ends of

your fingers?Which came first, the

creature or the egg?The creature, of

course. Wrong. The egg.

Mommy. Tell us the

truth. You're really a spy and the

missing parrot has the secret message

that'll save the world, right?How did you

know?Monsters intuition.

The blood guy who stole your parrot. Can

you describe him?He had deep

set eyes. Yeah. Cauliflower

ears. Yeah, yeahA high

forehead. Right, blah, blah. And a

large scar on his face. Aha!

I think I've got it. Here's your man.

Nothing like him. Good. We have our

first lead.

I learned this trick from Warlock Bones,

the blast detective in Transylvania.

Aha! I've picked up this hen! Hurry,

you birdbrains, while the trail's still

fresh!

It'll be a sin to mislead those

bumbling creeps.

I think we've lost the trail. No, we

didn't. Don't head. He went that way.

I think we just ran out of clues.

Look, there they are! You're gonna tell

me that secret, or else,

confess. Never! Not

even for a ton of parrot seed!

See how you like this, then.

Look out! Here he comes! Act

inconspicuous!

He's gotta be around here somewhere!

Here, parrot! Parrot!

Harvey wants a safe cr*cker!

I need my safe-cracking pool!

Go!

Stethoscope.

Sure.

Don't worry, I come from a long line of

safecrackers.

Great. Now we've got a petrified parrot

on our hands. I'm going to pulverize

you monsters in the creep dust.

It's only fair to warn you. I know

kung-boo!

Catch you, pedant knappers!

You scared him stiff. He'll never be able

to tell us the secret now.

Just a second. He's trying to tell us

something.

Ohh

Well, what's the message?Give it to me.

I can't! It's a secret!

At least she filed us undersea for

creeps.

We now return with the Heathcliff and

Dingbat Show.

Oh, hiya. I know I'm more the Prince

Charming type, but in this fairy tale,

the starring role's a woodchopper. It's

also a story about this Red Riding Hood

chick, plus your basic perfunctory

villain, a hungry wolf.

Hungry?I haven't eaten in weeks.

Oh, but that tasty little dish will

remedy that problem.

Hold it, Red. Blake off,

you big wolf, you!

We have a lunch date.

And your lunch! Not on my

turfy dozen. Into each

light, some logs must fall. This

is my lucky day.

Hey! Goodness, this

is my lucky day. Fortune must

be smiling at me. No, my name's

Heathcliff. Purveyor of pure and noble

deeds. Get your sweepers.

Some lucky day. Oh, Nick's on

visiting Granny Red. There's a wolf in

the woods. But I must. The poor

little deer will... who will starve

unless some short, stubby hero is brave

enough to take my place. He

Okay, Red, I'll take your place and take

care of Grant. Oh, he, Cliff.

You'd risk your life for little old

me?No big deal. I got eight more.

Besides, wolf taming's my favorite

pastime. Later, Red.

ohh It's off the granny's and I go, go,

go, go, go, go. Great,

'cause I know a shortcut.

This bit always works.

What is it?Singing telegram

from Red.

Meet me in town for a big, big

sale. Hurry. A sale?

Wonderful. I love sales.

And no sign of the wolf, which means I

gotta just granny sit. How

dull. Hiya, Granny. It's

about time, Red. I'm famished.

Oh, my. What thick eyes you have, Granny.

All the better to see you with, Red.

My, what a big nose you have.

Oh, sorry, Granny. I suspect that big

fig is the you-know-who. Wait!

You forgot to ask about my big teeth.

I already know. The better to eat with,

you mean eat you with.

A soup pot?Good! Granny will love my

special soup.

Maybe I ought to turn

vegetarian. Oh,

your soup will be ready soon, Granny.

Just a few more ingredients. One will do.

You.

Wonder what that dumb wolf's up to now.

The last one. And this one's pure

genius.

Just a minute.

A minute's all I need to accomplish my

destiny deed.

Railroad tracks. Hmm

I love playing railroads, too.

I'm awaken on my railroad.

I'm awaken on my railroad. Oops, ran out

of track.

Hey, Wolf, next time try flying.

Actually, flying doesn't bother me. It's

those sudden.

Oh, Granny, your soup's almost ready.

Coming. After all I've been

through, soup doesn't sound too bad.

Super hot sauce and chili Peppers and

just a dash of atomized mushroom and

voila. It's ready. Hurry, Red Riding

Hood. I'm fading

fast. Don't worry, Granny. A spoonful of

my special soup will get you on your

feet. Toot sweet. Give me that bowl. I'm

starved.

Uh ohI feel an attack of

heartburn coming

on. Uh, water's good for hiccups, Granny.

Water?Water?Lots of water?Now I think

we're coming to the happy ending of this

fairy tale.

Yeah! I wonder what he's all fired

up about, Granny. He's sure burning up

the road.

It looks like he blew his stack about

something. Or somebody. How

about supper as a reward?Hmm

I could use some sustenance. Beef

salmon. Now you got me famished.

Anne, we'll start off with a bowl of

that soup I smell. Huh

My soup?Uh.. No, no thanks,

Granny. I I just got

unfamished. What's with him?

I guess too modest for rewards.

Some happy ending. This hero doesn't even

get the fish. Oh, well.

We're almost to Mammoth Studios. Blah,

blah, blah. I'd better spruce up for my

movie debut.

You boneheads better stay in line. I told

the director that we'd be his best

stuntman ever.

Your new stuntman reporting for work.

Wonderful. Wonderful. Woodrow did a

good job with you. You

will be perfect for my movie.

Frankenfright meets the Legion of

Monsters. In the first

stunt, the Legion of Monsters

sends a skeleton to drop the

chandelier on Frankenfright.

Spare rip, get up on the chandelier.

Wipe up! Ready?Action!

Catch, catch!

You will be his stand-in in the

chandelier... That

sounds dangerous. I may be

fearless, but I bruise

easily.

Spirit, stop him.

Dingbat, get me that chair or I'll turn

you into bat soup. Since you

put it so nicely, how can I refuse?

Action!

Watch the holder!

It's about time!

Cut! Cut! It's all wrong!

Okay, now this is the big love scene.

Roll 'em!

The ladies always fall for me. Come

on, you creepy Casanova. We've got to get

back before you get us fired.

Cut!Now you will

replace the star so the ghost monster

can chase you off the cliff.

Wait, it's too far down. Don't

worry. There will be a

net to catch you. A net?

Well, if you insist. Blot, you make it

too easy for a daring stuntman like me.

Blah, blah, blah.

Okay, action.

I can't see. Where are we going?

Spare Riff, do something quick before we

become a monster mash. I'll save us.

How about this?

You're finally using your brain, Spare

Riff. At least we

didn't hit the ground.

Hey, what am I doing in here?

Take down the good-- oh! Your

numbcuffs ruined my first two

scenes. You better get this one

right. All right. Action.

Butt

Butt Butt This is your last chance. You

will be Frankenfright, and that

mechanical monster will attack you. You

ready?No way! I win!

Get in that rowboat, and we're going with

you to make sure you don't goof up.

Action!

That's a bit too close for comfort. Blah,

blah, blah! Stop

yapping and take care of that monster.

Right, nobody. Uncle Blightkiller's

false fangs will save us.

Get blighting!

Your uncle's fangs did the trick!

But they don't know when to stop. Let's

move it!

No! No no That's unwrong!

Ouch! That's the last time I

blotto these! Let's wrap

up this monster. Get the mummy. Right!

Be careful with that monster!

How's that for a stunt?Well

done. You destroyed my

million-dollar monster. No

problem. We have our own monster, but

it's just about to hatch.

Wrong monster.

Get off, my boss. Get out!I

never want to see you again!

Something tells me we just lost another

job.

We now continue with the Heathcliff and

Dingbat Show.

This is great transferring from my milk

route to the factory, away from

Heathcliff. Somebody

mention my name?And...

a milk factory full of milk oh my lucky

ah yes all my problems are behind

me now all this peace and

tranquility calls for a celebration

I'll drink to that

Heathcliff and enjoy your

milk ah the

sauce of my greatest treat

Ah ha! Come on, ladies, take a break.

We'll go outside for some fresh air.

Still calm, cool and collected.

It's time for Genius to win out.

What's this?Dangerous Bull,

do not enter. HmmA

spontaneous but brilliant scheme that

will ensure Heathcliff's exitpermanently.

This way, ladies. Here he comes.

Hey, Toro!

Looks like a bull ring. Indeed,

Heathcliff. But it's perfectly safe if

you don't wear red. Huh

As you can see, folks, being a cartoon

star ain't all that easy. Sick

'em, Toro!

I saw this one in an old Bugs Bunny

cartoon.

Ole.

Sorry about that, Toro. I I hope you're

not going to let him get by with that. I

hope.

Ah, psychology always works. And I got

my pants pressed, too. Hey, uh,

Toro, you forgot something.

Oh,

no. Oh, you need my assistance.

Hey, wait for

me! Charge!

I saw this one in an old Roadrunner

cartoon. Oh, funny!

The old pie interface technique works

every time. No,

I won't get mad. I won't. I

won't. Yes, I will! In fact,

I'm red with rain!So

I see. Yeah, so does Coral.

And you know what happens when Coral sees

red.

That Coral, that's merely a figure of

speech.

Dumbo, can't he see I'm not red with

rage anymore?Maybe he's colorblind and

thinks yellow is red.

I want F-Raw because I'm transferring

back to my route away from Heathcliff. Ah,

milk. Lots of milk.

An endless supply of milk. This ain't a

cartoon. This is... Heaven.