01x12 - Impractical Jokes

[bunniefuu]

grandma's provided in part by the

Corporation for Public Broadcasting and

by the financial support of viewers like

you reach both speed reach both with

with rail mail

which one word

we tour the store

to a shining time station

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waiting there

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my kids

I guess you wondered what I'm doing so

I'm trying to fix this old Telegraph it

doesn't work well let's just say it's

sort of works sometimes no not really

because it doesn't send and it doesn't

receive and for Telegraph what else is

there

noises makes plenty of noises hmm

oh boy see I'm trying to fix it there

aren't many of these left on our

railroad and I'll be glad when they

replace all of them you weren't the

problem she was what are you right your

aunt Stacy is worried about whether she

can fix the Telegraph herself and

sometimes busy people just don't stop

and think about what they're saying you

know she wasn't exactly her mind was

elsewhere she wasn't paying any

attention to you but that's no reason to

be upset it's the sort of things friends

learn to accept in each other how about

the Sodor the very same way certainly

remember when Gordon made fun of Edward

about the cows I didn't tell you well

Edward was getting old his bearings were

worn and he clanked as he puffed along

he was taking empty cattle cars to a

market town

the Sun Shan birds sang but Edward was

heading for trouble come on come on

EEP oh oh oh oh oh scream the cars

Edward puffed and clanked the cars

rattled and screamed some cows were

grazing nearby they were not used to

train the noise and smoke disturbed them

as Edward Clank fine they broke through

the fence and ran across the line

toppling was broken and some cars were

left behind Edward felt a jerk but

didn't take much notice he was used to

cattle cars

both of those cars he thought why can't

they come quietly he was at the next

station before either he or his driver

realized what has happened

when Gordon and Henry heard about the

accident

they laughed and boasted fancy allowing

cows to break his train they wouldn't

dare do that to us

we'd show them

Oh Toby was cross you couldn't help it

Edward they've never met cows I have and

I know the trouble they are

some days later Gordon rushed through

Edwards station find the cows

hurry hurry hurry of God don't make such

a fuss doping such a fuss from all these

coaches long stretch of line lay ahead

in the distance was a bridge it seemed

to Gordon that there was something on

the bridge

his driver thought so too whoa God he

said and shut off steam said God it's

only a cow joe-joe he moved slowly onto

the bridge but the cow wouldn't sh**t

she had lost her calf and felt lonely

Moo she said sadly everyone tried to

send her away but she wouldn't go Henry

arrived

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what's this account I'll soon settle her

boeuf bill no said the cow Henry backed

away nervously I don't want to hurt her

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at the next station Henry's conductor

told them about the cow

and warm the signalmen that the line was

blocked that must be Bluebell said the

porter haircalf is here looking for her

mother Percy will take her along at the

bridge Bluebell was very pleased to see

her path again and the porter led them

away not a word

keep it dark whispered Gordon and Henry

to each other

they felt rather silly but the story

soon spread well well well chuckled

Edward two big engines afraid of a cow

afraid rubbish said Gordon

we didn't want the poor thing to hurt

herself by running up against us we

stopped so as not to exciter you'll see

what I mean my dear Edward yes Gordon

said Edward Gordon felt somehow that

Edward saw only too well

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sometimes Goran think she's so great

oh that's just the way is it doesn't

mean the other engines don't like him

well I'm off to play in a dilly lick

tennis tournament see you later

oh it still doesn't work think it would

happen nothing that's just the problem

time you all I get is oh boy it's like

if you had a telephone and it wouldn't

give you a dial tone so you couldn't

receive any calls well I tried nobody's

perfect maybe Harry you'll be able to

fix it when he gets back why is the

Telegraph important well it's how some

of the train stations can talk to each

other and talk to the dispatcher and the

way they talk to each other is really

wonderful it's like a secret language

all dots and dashes you know how your

name would sound mad and people can

understand that yeah all over the world

they have Telegraph's on ships like this

freighter so every Telegraph can talk to

every other one except ours because it's

broken ah good morning you must be miss

Stacy Jones how particularly beautiful

you look to a man of my utmost

sensitivity ah are you kidding kidding

ha ha heh a hard role and amusing and

things of that nature and you you must

be children how wonderful how would you

like a super-duper telescope that you

can look through with your very own eyes

are you feeling ok humor schemer I've

never heard of schemer although I do

understand he's a wonderful fellow oh

and here is that a lovely item that I

just for mentioned recently and you a

movement of your hike lastest must be

thinking to herself

hey how about a snack of some

high-quality peanuts yeah be convenient

at your leisure

so what do you think anyway huh know

what about what about the the whole

getup the whole thing my new concept and

my new uh there's my new marketing image

I'm like Fred Astaire the great dancer

except that I'm in retail I got a new

line the whole thing practical joke

devices novelty items I'm telling you

they're a riot

they can't miss no no no I never liked

these things schemer they can be very

mean mean of course they mean life is

mean that is what practical jokes are

all about now what do you girls know hey

Matt Matt my man guy the guy you know

what is really funny yep they say yuck

the Henry Ford did they say yuck Dwight

the Rockefeller dude what the problem is

with you people you don't know what

funny is and that's funny well listen

schema may not be perfect but he's

harmless and when he comes around here

usually makes us laugh so we got to

appreciate him for what he is do we have

to well when you get to know people they

gotta take the bed right along with the

blood Stacy's right you know the good

thing about schemas when he has an idea

he's not afraid to charge your head and

try it out but he can be such a pain

yeah the bad thing about schemas he

doesn't stop to think about how other

people will feel about his ideas so what

are we supposed to do well I think we're

just gonna have to put up with him I

must say the practical jokes sometimes

can be very silly and other times they

happen in the most unusual way why I

have a friend well let me show you let's

go down the anything tunnel

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[Applause]

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that's the great thing about Trane you

never know who you want to run into one

and you decide to stop by and say hello

Tom Dylan my granddaughter town yeah my

friend Matt I'm Matt and Stacey Joan I

gotta run things right here

nice to meet you Tom I've got bad memory

the telegraph won't work won't work

sound let the meeting leggett broman

well you introduce yourself to dawn in

there and I want to take a look at this

thing okay

do you work on the railroad no but I

sing songs about railroads here's an

Irish railroad workers song and the

chorus cos I was where in corduroy

britches diggin ditches Poland's witches

dodging hitches I was working on

railway in 1841 me corduroy breeches I

put on me corduroy breeches I put on to

work upon the railway the railway I'm

weary on the railway poor paddy works on

the railway

remember the course I was where in

corner hydrogen diggin ditches : which

is done by the railway in 1842 from

Hartlepool I found myself a job to do

working on the railway I was wearing

four entrances b*llet-dodging tonight

on the railway one more time I was

wearing barbra today's Mr Bond

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Thanks it was so nice to meet you folks

I'm gonna go meet my train on the

platform will you tell Harry yeah thanks

very much bye

I thought you I already tried that maybe

didn't attach it right maybe that's not

the problem

maybe thank you but maybe didn't it

that's right Harry

Stacey finally

that's not fighting they disagreeing

they'll make up before too long I won

well I didn't lose

I couldn't you see because no one else

turned up to play I'll be another

chemist ottoman mr. conductor Sarah yes

I will by telling you a story of James's

latest adventure one day James had to

wait at the station till Edwin and his

train came in this made him cross late

again Edward laughed and James fumed

away after James had finished his work

he went back to the yard hop onto the

turntable

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he was still feeling very bad-tempered

Edward is impossible he grumbled to the

others he pranks about like a lot of old

I'd and he is so slow he makes us wait

Thomas and Percy were indignant old iron

slow why Edward could beat you in a race

any day really said James I should like

to see him do it next morning James's

driver was suddenly taken ill he could

hardly stand

so the fireman uncoupled James ready for

shunting James was impatient suddenly

the signalman shouted there was James

puffing away down the line all traffic

halted he announced at last then he told

the fireman what had happened two boys

were on James's footplate fiddling with

the controls sure they tumbled off and

ran when James started four signalman

answered the telephone yes he's here

right I'll tell him the inspectors

coming at once he wants a shunters Pole

and a coil of wire Road what for

wondered the fireman search me but you'd

better get them quickly the fireman was

ready when Edward arrived

inspector saw the pole on the rope good

man jump in we'll catch him we'll catch

him puffed Edward James was laughing

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waterlogging children to itself

suddenly he was going faster and faster

he realized that he had no driver what

shall I do I can't stop

we're coming we're coming :

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Edward was panting up behind with every

ounce of steam he had at last he caught

up with James

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steady and would have called his driver

inspector stood on Edwards front holding

a noose of rope in the crook of the

shunters Pole he was trying to sleep it

over James's buffer the engine swayed

and lurched last got him he shouted he

pulled the noose tight gently breaking

and woods driver checked the engine

speed and James's fireman scrambled

across and took control so the old iron

caught you after all

chuckled Edmund I am sorry whispered

James thank you for saving me you were

splendid Edward that's all right

replied Edward the engines arrived at

the station side by side Sir Topham Hatt

was waiting a fine piece of work he said

James you can rest and then take your

train I'm proud of you Edward you shall

go to the works and have your worn parts

mended oh thank you sir

said Edward it'll be lovely not to Clank

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hmm now I feel so much better

I tried reconnecting I tried reversing

the virus why don't you look see for

yourself what I'm gonna do after Stacey

and Harry have spent so much time

working on it oh no that wouldn't be

fair - then I will give you a clue about

it though it's something to keep in mind

no matter what you're doing look for the

little things the little things hold big

secrets now it's time for me to scoot to

play a tune upon my food I you're all

right didn't do it

great now what wait a minute

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you know we're getting really worried if

the two of us couldn't fix it what would

they think of us at the Indian Valley

headquarters I'm really touched

hey uh Harry you all the railroad guy

you it's a pleasure to make your

acquaintance shake we've already met

schemer you're so right and that's what

I love about you my hands backwards and

I ended up building myself instead Harry

stupid thing that's not the only stupid

thing around that's right not the only

stupid hey why don't you come a little

closer here down come on a little bit

closer to me all right now I want you to

a sniff this flower ready one two three

is my cold not funny I don't think I

like these practical jokes I am NOT the

kind of person that people are supposed

to be laughing at oh maybe nobody is

schemer yeah well maybe it's even

schemer could learn a lesson there are

two sides of the every joke hey all

right Tom says the Empire limit is on

time it should be here in 10 minutes

great that gives you ample opportunity

to enjoy my jukebox go ahead throw in a

few nickels well

nice ok ok ok my treat anybody got an

extra nickel I'm kidding I'm kidding

you know I might not have my practical

jokes but I still got my music anyway

how about us having a big old party

thank you Rick welcome to Oh like who

needs a party like man life's a party

dig anyways these nickels are staying

put

I like them when did you start

collecting nickels Tito Oh back in 57 my

first gig bandleader said take 5 I never

stopped okay okay we get the picture

hey people later play

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sure there's time

first take your two spoons and put them

back to back put them together take your

pointer finger of your writing hand

point between the two handles open the

one hand and wrap it right around the

spoons hold the bottom one tighter than

the top one tap gently on your leg well

today's my train I gotta go you can

practice in by well guess how to play

the spoons

do you not apply them to stinky well

I've been known to rattle a few in my

day

you want to learn how to play the spoons

no way miss Joan I have more important

things to think about them spoons soup

spoon musical soup spoon musical soup

soup that sings to you while you eat oh

I can make a fortune on an idea like

that

come on we've learned a lot about people

today now let's see what we can learn

about spoons

remember hold it with the signal of your

writing hand in there that's it hole at

the bottom one tighter there you go

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reach both speed Richmond Wilson go

where the rail main run

reach forwards reach for the story

- shining time station

we're dreams

waiting there

see so far to travel so much to learn

friends by your side

hopes to hold on to do know so far you

go to his shining time station

where dreams can come true

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you