03x06 - Silent Mode

[bunniefuu]

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

[CARRIE BRADSHAW]
Lilies of the valley in the garden

bowed their delicate white bonnets

to the pounding rain...

[♪ PENSIVE CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

...as the woman inside
braved the unknown.

[RAIN PATTERING]

I've never had mutton before.

Yeah, it tastes exactly
like I imagined it would.

It's very, um...

[SMACKING LIPS]

...mutton-y.

Apologies. My stew isn't
really meant for others.

It's just for me.

I think we need more Malbec.
[CLEARS THROAT]

Oh, yes, please. Twist my arm.

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

- That's good, thank you.
- Mm.

Well, you can... blame the rain.

It ruined my plans
to take you for a proper meal.

I was very surprised
to get your invitation.

You know, I thought your
credo was "work, work, work."

This is work.

You're still talking about the stew?

So... I'm doing
Margaret Thatcher, right?

And I'm down here and I'm
banging away at her every night.

[CARRIE] Oh, good Lord.

I don't think this is

appropriate dinner conversation.

And I think I've got my first chapter

to a point where my approach is lucid.

But, would you...

would you read it?

Really?

I never show my work
in progress to anyone,

but with her,
I need an outside female eye.

Well?

Will you?

[SMACKING LIPS] I'll read
your first chapter if you read mine.

Of course.

And when you read what
I'm, um, I'm calling a novel,

just don't think Great Expectations.

Think "Lower Your Expectations."

Oh my gosh, Duncan
served me the worst meal

of my entire life. Mutton stew.

So, now I've got
"acid reflux of the lambs."

- Who's Duncan?
- [CARRIE] Aidan!

Duncan. My downstairs neighbor.

- Ugh.
- [ANTACID TABLETS RATTLING]

Do you not listen when I'm talking?

No, I listen. Duncan.

- Like the doughnuts.
- [CARRIE] Yes.

Like the doughnuts.

And they say we Americans
aren't cultured.

Alright, well, I'm a better
listener in person,

so get ready for
a whole lot of listening,

'cause I'm coming up. [SPITTING]

I'm sorry, what? I wasn't listening.

[AIDAN] Ha-ha, good one.

Wyatt's doing this wilderness program

in Wyoming for a week!

- Really?
- Yeah, and it was his idea.

He found it online,
we vetted it, all cool.

I don't know, it's a real
breakthrough, Carrie.

Him, you know, taking the
initiative to change things up.

Wow, that's great.

That's fantastic. Good for him.

Can't wait to see my girl next week

and do some listening.

And some other things.

[CHUCKLES] I know what you're sayin'.

[♪ LIGHT PLUCKY MUSIC PLAYING]

[INHALES SHARPLY] Oh.

Hi, guys.

How'd you sleep?

Rise and shine, beauty.

- I let you sleep in.
- [SCOFFS]

It's... [CHUCKLES] It's 7:00 a.m.

Not in Bali!
I've had three cups already.

Oh.

- I like the service here.
- Well, don't get used to it.

You've hit the three-day limit.

- [MIRANDA CHUCKLES]
- It's part of your exit package.

[GASPS] Hey.

You'll be happy to know

that Seema may have
found me an apartment.

Sappho and Socrates
will be even happier.

[WHISPERING]
I don't think they like me.

Yeah, they are still on the fence.

She sent a link. [GASPS]

And it's a winner.

[GASPS] Perfect!

You didn't even look.

- Just get out.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]

Jesting aside, you're welcome to stay.

No.

I'm a grown woman with a son.

I can't become a l*sbian cliché
and move in after "hello."

Thank God. That's exactly
what I was thinking.

[MIRANDA CHUCKLES] Good.

- [JOY] Mm.
- [KISS SMACKING]

Hey.

Speaking of my son,

I would like you to meet Brady.

Oh.

- Okay.
- Yeah?

Brady. That's such a lovely name.

What's the story there?

Oh, it's his, uh, father's last name...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Much too much information.

- [PEOPLE CHATTERING]
- [SIREN WHOOPING]

Oh! Charlotte!

- Oh.
- Charlotte, hello!

Bitsy, hi.

You know someone who has the Big C too?

No!

Why would you even think that?

Because you're going

into Memorial Sloan Kettering
Cancer Center.

I... I don't know anyone.

I'm... I'm just going in to volunteer.

- Oh!
- To help the people

that I don't know with cancer.

How wonderful! [CHUCKLES]

Should I go in and
volunteer as well with you?

No, no.

There aren't that many
volunteers needed.

Oh.

You know, also...
you're always so busy, socially.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Which reminds me!

I am gonna see you next week

at the "Tea Time at Tiffany's" event.

- Fun, fun!
- [CHUCKLES]

What "Tea Time at Tiffany's" event?

I... I don't know anything about
a "Tea Time at Tiffany's" event.

Yes, um, it's just tea
in the private club

- with some influencers.
- Hmm.

I... I'm going as Carrie's plus-one.

I may not be an influencer,

but I was the first person to
buy a Schlumberger parrot brooch

after the Beyoncé ad came out.

Yes. Um, I... I better go.

Oh, oh. Go, go!

I... I'll send
the flagship store manager

my purchase totals
for last year. [CHUCKLES]

Breakfast at Tiffany's? Please.

They owe me breakfast,
lunch, and dinner!

- Yes.
- Ha, ha! Yeah! Mm.

[♪ "TOUCH ME IN THE MORNING"
BY DIANA ROSS PLAYING]

♪ Hey, wasn't it me who said ♪

♪ That nothin' good's
gonna last forever? ♪

♪ And wasn't it me who said
let's just be glad ♪

♪ For the time together ♪

♪ It must have been ha... ♪

[♪ MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY]

I never thought this day
would come, Rocco.

But Poust and Patel paid
the lease on this car, and...

[CLICKING TONGUE] ...right now,

I can't afford the overhead.

As soon as the Patel Group
is up and on its feet...

I will come back for you.

And, when you return the car,
take my vanity plates.

No, please don't get out.

Just be easier this way.

- [♪ MUSIC RESUMES PLAYING]
- ♪ Well, I can say goodbye ♪

♪ In the cold mornin' light ♪

♪ But I can't watch love die ♪

♪ In the warmth of the night ♪

♪ If I've got to be strong... ♪

[MIRANDA GASPS]

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

You realize it's not been
made public yet.

This is a whisper listing.

[WHISPERING] Oh, my God! It's perfect!

[NORMAL] I looked for
months with my other broker,

and he never found any place like this.

You're amazing!

Well, not gonna lie... I am.

You are!

Okay, so I happen to know
the sellers are looking

for 150 over asking.

Offer that, and it's yours.

Oh. Well, I don't believe in that.

Don't believe in what?

The whole "offer over asking" thing.

- It's gross.
- "It's gross"?

I'm not familiar with
that negotiating phrase.

[CHUCKLES] Manhattan real estate

is already overpriced, and
they expect me to pay more?

Sorry. No. I won't be
part of the problem.

Okay, well, this isn't
a mission statement,

it's an apartment.

If you want it,
that's what it will take.

[SCOFFS] Well, if that's what it takes,

then it's not for me. On principle.

You said it was perfect.
What's a principle

- versus a perfect apartment?
- [DOG BARKING]

Hear that?

Yappy dog next door.

- So, not so perfect.
- [MUFFLED YELLING]

Well, there are a lot of things
in life that are not so perfect.

But you keep going.

Seema, I believe in you.

You will find me a place
just as perfect as this,

minus the over-asking.

Just FYI, I work in real
estate, not un-real estate.

You're amazing. You said so yourself.

[SIGHS]

If you choose radiation,

- I'll be here every day...
- [HARRY SIGHS]

...to pick you up and drop you off.

- And if you choose surgery...
- We'll just tell people,

what, that I'm going in for a facelift?

You don't need a facelift.

Well, now there's some good news.

It's all good news, honey.

He said at this stage, at your age,

with your health, it's 98% curable.

Yep. I just gotta decide between
long-term bowel dysfunction

or long-term erectile dysfunction.

So, win-win.

He said possible
long-term bowel dysfunction

and possible long-term
erectile dysfunction.

He has to tell you
the worst-case scenario.

Listen...

I'm thinking surgery.

Just get it out and be done with it.

Whatever you think.

Either way,
everything is gonna be fine.

- I love you, Pollyanna.
- Mm.

I love you too.

♪ I'ma checkmate, y'all ♪

♪ We in the castle, not ridin'... ♪

Buongiorno. What can I do for you?

Signora?

His eyes are up here, ma'am.

Oh my gosh, Anthony!

This line, it's like the old
Barneys Warehouse sale,

but instead of Balenciaga, it's bread.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

Okay, here you go, ma'am.

A cappuccino, half oat milk, half skim,

- one shot, I'm exhausted.
- [MIRANDA CHUCKLES]

Thank you.

- I did the impossible.
- [ALL GASPS]

Hold the applause
and the standing ovation.

Oh, I knew you would come through!

Look.

- Whoa.
- [MIRANDA] Wow.

- [PHONE RINGING]
- Oh, oh!

Oh, this is Harry!
I've gotta answer this.

I... I'm gonna take it over there.

I mean, he's just calling to say "hi."

He... he really does this
all the time, no big deal.

[PHONE CONTINUES RINGING]

It's maybe more perfect
than the prior one,

because it's a condo.

So, no snooty co-op board,

and no noisy animals next door.
Pet-free.

Wait a minute. What about dogs?

- Dogs are pets.
- Well, you don't have a dog.

Yeah, but Joy has two.

Oh my. Doggie sleepovers?

We're at that level
of intimacy already?

- Maybe.
- [CARRIE] Ooh.

She's meeting Brady on Friday.

Really?

When will you be introducing her to me?

Soon. The point is...

That you love Brady

- more than you love me.
- [SEEMA CHUCKLES]

Joy is way more attached to
her dogs than me at this point.

I'm pretty sure, if there's no dogs,

there's no Joy.

And there's no other two bedrooms

in that area at this price.

It is either this, you bid over
on the whisper listing,

or light candles to whatever deity

specializes in real-estate miracles.

- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]
- You have till Friday at 5:00.

Hmm.

[MARION] Make it a little tighter.

- [LISA] Oh, that's good.
- Mm-hmm.

- [PHONE RINGING]
- Oh, my God, it's Chauncey,

my husband's campaign manager.

He's been harassing me all week.

- [CHUCKLES]
- You bowl once, and he thinks

you're up for every
baklava bake-off in Queens.

- [MARION LAUGHS]
- [LISA GROANS]

Guy's got some big cajónes
for somebody named Chauncey.

- [CHUCKLES] Right?
- [CHUCKLES] Yeah.

Well, I'm about to break
the sacred rule

of mothers everywhere
and put this in silent mode.

Quite a few people I would
like to put on silent mode.

You're not one of 'em.
So, I'm thinking...

[♪ GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]

Thanks again.

[SIGHS]

[PEBBLE CLINKING]

[SIGHS]

- [GLASS SHATTERING]
- [SCREAMING]

No!

I...

f*ck!

I just... I... [SCOFFS]

I can't believe this. It's so stupid.

I mean, I thought that,
you know, throwing a pebble

at your window would be...
would be cute.

- [CARRIE SIGHS]
- 'Cause it's our thing.

I think maybe we need a new thing.

Jesus Christ, it was just
a little... a little tap.

Must've just hit wrong.

Mm, it must have.

These windows survived the Mexican w*r,

the Civil w*r...

the draft riots of '63.

As in 1863.

[SIGHS]

Hurricane Sandy.

f*ck me.

- f*ck, f*ck.
- Ooh, Aidan. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Watch it. You're gonna get cut.

Me? You're... You're not...
you're not wearing any shoes.

Why... why are you
not wearing any shoes?

Oh. It's Duncan, you know,
the downstairs neighbor

and noise and...

It's a whole thing.

Okay, look, I can... I can fix this.

I'll, uh, I'll find a glazier,
and he'll just...

he'll come here and replace the glass.

Well, you...
you can't replace that glass.

They do it all day long. Yes, he can.

No, he can't. That glass is...

That glass is really old
and it's, you know,

it's, like, really delicate
and wavy and...

makes rainbows when the...

sun hits it in a certain way.

[CARRIE SIGHS]

You're making me feel worse.

[CHUCKLES] I'm sorry,
I'm not... I'm not trying to.

It's just, new glass
just isn't the same.

Then, I'll... I'll find you old glass.

I'll f*cking find you old glass.

Aidan, seriously, we'll just...

honestly, we'll have
someone come and fix it.

Why is nothing going my way?

Wh...

[♪ SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

What's not going your way?

[SIGHS] Wyatt wouldn't get
on the f*cking airplane.

No, I... I thought
he really wanted to go.

Yeah, well.

He changed his mind at the gate.

And we were like, "Uh-uh, sorry.

It's only a week, you're going."

And then, the whole way home...

Kathy's just sittin'
in the car in silence.

And we pull up to the farm,
and then, y-you know,

she looks at me right in my face
and she's like, you know,

"What did we do that was so bad

that we had to send our kid
to the Grand Tetons?"

And she's crying, and...

- Aidan, honey.
- No, no, no!

Do not feel bad for me, okay?
Don't... don't come over here.

Just, in fact, why... why don't
you go put some shoes on?

Okay, but please be careful.

Too late for that.

[BROOM SWEEPING]

Okay. Yikes.

[AIDAN SIGHS]

Yes, exactly! [EXCLAIMS]

- Cut back to her right there.
- Okay.

It's like you're inside my head!

And there it is. Boom, boom. [CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS] Oh, God, you're so intuitive!

Really? Wow. Can I get that in writing?

Because my wife thinks I am clueless.

Oh, you're married?

I did not know that you were married.

Yeah, I just like to keep
work and personal separate.

- That's it.
- Yeah. Absolutely.

- Yeah.
- [KNOCKING AT DOOR]

Herbert! An in-office visit?

To what do I owe this honor?

Oh, this is my editor, married.

Mar... Marion!

Marion, this is my husband,

- Herbert.
- [CLEARING THROAT]

Hey, uh, it's nice to finally meet you.

Yeah, it's... you too.

Can, uh, can you give us
a minute, please?

- Absolutely.
- [LISA] Yeah.

- I'll, uh, I'll get a refill.
- Okay.

- Yeah.
- [LISA CLEARING THROAT]

I've been trying to reach you,
but your phone's

- been turned off.
- Yeah, I turned it off

- because of Chauncey...
- Baby.

- It's your father.
- What about Daddy?

He had a stroke.

Oh my God. Oh my God.
Well, what... what hospital?

- I'll... I'll go to him now.
- No, no, no, Lis.

It's too late.

He's gone.

What do you mean, "He's gone"?

- No.
- I'm sorry.

- No! No!
- I'm sorry, baby.

- [WHISPERING] No.
- I'm sorry.

[SIGHS, KISSES]

[WHISPERING] I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- [CRYING] That's my daddy.
- I know.

- [SOBBING]
- I'm sorry.

[♪ SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS, SNIFFLES]

[PHONE RINGING]

Hey! I tried to call you earlier,

but your voicemail was full.

Yeah, there've been a lot
of calls, Charlotte.

My father died.

Oh, my God. When?

[LISA] This afternoon.

He had a stroke
out of nowhere, and, um...

[CHARLOTTE] Oh, no.

I mean, yes, he was elderly,

but the doctor at his last appointment

[VOICE BREAKING]
said he was in amazing shape.

[SOBBING] Amazing shape.

I... I'm so sorry, Lisa.

[SNIFFLING] And they let me see him

at the hospital, but he was
already gone when I got there

because I stupidly put my phone
on silent mode to edit.

So, I never really got to say goodbye

because of work.

Work that he raised you to do.

Thank you, Charlotte.
Thank you for saying that.

That's enough.
I... I've been crying all day,

and I have to find a way
to stop crying.

[CHOKING UP] No, you let yourself cry.

[LISA] No, there's so much to do.

- I have a million emails coming in.
- [COMPUTER CHIMES]

[GROANING]

No. No!

This can't be happening.

What? What can't be happening?

I just got an email blast

inviting me to my own father's funeral!

[GASPS] Who does she think she is?!

Who does who think she is?

[LISA] Lucille Highwater,

failed actress turned general manager

of my father's theater

and the perfect reason
for me to stop crying!

I'm gonna blast Lucille
with an email of my own.

- [ANNOUNCER ON TV SPEAKING]
- [HARRY] Come on. Come on!

Come on!

- [HARRY SIGHS]
- [ANNOUNCER] A low drop to the center,

and that's good to get him on.

[ANNOUNCER CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

[SIGHS] Do you know
how much I love you?

Yeah, I do. I do. I do.

- Honey.
- Wha...

- Look at me.
- Can I look at you

- after this pitch?
- Baby.

Lisa just called me and told me

that her father died suddenly.

Suddenly? Wasn't he almost 90?

Yes, but the doctor had told her

that he was in good health.

Oh... oh, o-okay, okay.
I see what's happening here.

'Cause the doctor just told us
that I was in good health.

Aside from the cancer.

- [ANNOUNCER] He steals home!
- What!

Wh... No, no! He stole home!

Charlotte, look what you made me miss!

Baby, I am sorry.

[CRYING] But that is
a game, and this is life,

and we have got to be here
for every moment.

Okay, okay.

Okay, look, last time
we talked about this,

nothing bad was gonna
happen to me. Right?

And I'm sorry about Lisa's father.

Please, send my condolences.

But can I please
have my Pollyanna back?

Of course.

- [CHARLOTTE SIGHS]
- [ANNOUNCER] Hard drive into third.

[ANNOUNCER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Quick throw to second.
Ball over the turn...

- Harry, I love you.
- I love you, Polly.

But I'm not taking my eyes
off the game again.

[ANNOUNCER] A triple play!
Oh, my God, unbelievable!

- I have never seen a play like that in my life!
- [HARRY EXCLAIMING SOFTLY]

Hey, I put Shoe in her room.

Coast is clear.

I found a place with a warehouse
full of vintage French windows.

Look at this, all shapes
and sizes, in Scranton, PA.

I say we rent a truck tomorrow,

- we go down, see what they got.
- [CARRIE CHUCKLES]

Honey, we're not trucking
to Pennsylvania tomorrow.

- Come to bed.
- It... it's two and a half hours.

- Let's go find a rainbow.
- [SIGHS]

I've got an event at Tiffany's.

Oh. Okay, I... I'll go.

You can't keep a damn
plywood plug in there.

Okay, so, you know, we'll call someone.

Regular glass is fine.

- Come to bed, I miss you.
- Okay, just give me...

- give me five minutes.
- [KISSES SMACKING]

I'm gonna find an antique
glass place closer to here

'cause I broke it and I'm gonna fix it.

- [CARRIE] Five minutes.
- [AIDAN] Okay.

[♪ "EGGS IN ONE BASKET"
BY TELE NOVELLA PLAYING]

Aidan? Aidan, honey?

♪ They told you not to put
all your eggs in one basket ♪

♪ To have a plan B for safer landing ♪

♪ But the universe
wants you to ask it ♪

♪ For that which you need,
and it will answer ♪

- ♪ A little hope ♪
- [CARRIE] Hello!

- How are you today?
- ♪ Makes its nest ♪

♪ In the rafters ♪

[CHARLOTTE] Oh, I just
love coming to Tiffany's,

even if it's just to look
in the windows.

[CARRIE] Oh, don't say
"windows," it triggers me.

- What?
- Aidan smashed the window

- in my gorgeous French door yesterday.
- [GASPS] No!

- Yeah.
- How did that happen?

- Ugh, it was an accident, a...
- [SIGHS]

A romantic gesture gone wrong.

And then I made it worse
by saying that the old glass

- couldn't be replaced.
- Oh!

[SIGHS] We haven't seen
each other in two months

and then we didn't make love
because he was up late

looking for windows... yes...
and then he left town...

[SIGHS] ...to search for antique glass

before I woke up.

- [GASPS SOFTLY]
- Oh!

- [CHARLOTTE SNIFFLES]
- Hmm.

[CHOKING UP]
Everything's just so fragile.

Okay, wait. What's
happening now? Are...

[CHUCKLES] Are you about
to cry over my French doors?

It's just... everything.

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

Lisa's father died yesterday.

No!

- Oh, no, I'm so sorry.
- [SIGHS]

Well, will you tell me
when the funeral is?

'Cause I... you know, I would...
I would want to attend.

Of course, of course.
I should've told you earlier.

- No, no, no, no.
- But my mind is just all over the place.

- I mean...
- Attention, Tiffany shoppers!

- [CARRIE] [GASPS] Hi!
- Oh, Bitsy!

- Oh, good, you were invited!
- I sure was!

- [CHARLOTTE SIGHS]
- My invitation was in spam!

- Oh.
- [CHUCKLES] This is why

I don't believe in the E-vite!

- Ugh, I'm right there with ya.
- Oh, Carrie.

Can you believe it?
For a New York minute,

I actually thought Bitsy von Muffling

had fallen off the A-List.

- You? Never.
- [CHUCKLES]

Oh, and I get to see you this weekend

at the Townsend boat party!

- [CARRIE] Ooh!
- Townsend boat party?

I don't know anything
about a Townsend boat party.

Isn't... isn't the event this way?

Uh, I... I better check my spam.

- [CARRIE] Oh.
- [WHISPERING] I did it again!

- [PEOPLE CHATTERING]
- [♪ SOUL MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY IN DINER]

- Hello, Lucille.
- Uh, uh, uh, uh!

Theater business. Sorry.

[LISA SIGHS]

I am also sorry to drag you here,

all the way across the bridge
from Park Avenue.

I thought it was
important that we talk.

Oh, I thought it was important
that we talk as well.

But first...

I like your purse.

Oh, uh, thank you.

Michael Kors.

Hey, Miss Lisa! Nice to see you again.

- Can I bring you the usual?
- Yes, ma'am.

One chicken and waffles.

The same, Loubelle.

I am so sorry for your loss.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Lucille, I was somewhat taken aback

to receive an invitation from you

inviting me to my own
father's funeral service.

Oh, I prefer "Homegoing,"

as I referred to it on my invite.

Right.

So, I guess what it is I came
"all the way across the bridge"

to discuss is, why is it your invite?

And let me tell you why.

When I was sitting
with your father, day to day,

over these last 20 years,

doing everything I could do
to raise money,

to keep his beloved
Newark Free Theater afloat,

your father would say to me,

"Oh, Lisa's busy.
Don't bother her with this.

And don't bother Lisa with that."

So, when it came to his
Homegoing, I thought to myself,

"Don't bother Lisa with this."

It is not a bother.

Well, now see, that's news to me.

- Here we go.
- Why don't we go ahead and eat

- and then we can continue our conversation.
- There you go, sweetheart.

Miss Loubelle, may I have
some hot sauce, please?

Don't trouble yourself,
Loubelle, I got some right here.

In the Michael Kors purse

her dear devoted daddy gifted me.

I think Sappho kinda smiled at me,

but maybe it's wishful thinking.

I have to tell you something
before Brady gets here.

Oh. Okay.

You know how you are with my dogs?

- Adorable?
- [JOY CHUCKLES]

Tentative.

That's how I am with people's children.

I don't know if they don't
like me or I don't like them,

but it's always awkward.
So, sorry in advance.

Understood.

And are you also saying something else?

What I'm saying is,

when it comes to children,
I'm on the fence.

It's probably why
I've never had a girlfriend

with a child before now.

Am I your girlfriend?

Well, I hope so.
I wouldn't be flogging myself

in public like this if you weren't.

Oh, here he comes.

- Hey.
- [MIRANDA SIGHS]

- Hey.
- Mom, what is happening?

- You hate eating outside.
- Well, I have my reasons.

- Meet Sappho and Socrates.
- [BRADY] No way!

- Look at these guys.
- [MIRANDA CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

And this is Joy.

- Hello, Brady.
- Hi.

- Um, can I pet them?
- [JOY] Yes, of course.

[MIRANDA] So, this is Sappho,

- and this is Socrates.
- Aw!

Okay, like, the two
greatest dog names ever.

- Hey! Hey!
- [SOFTLY] I'm off the fence.

[BRADY] Aw, they're so sweet.

- [BRADY LAUGHING]
- [MIRANDA] Aw!

I should probably talk to you, too.

Oh, no, no, no.
That's totally unnecessary.

[MIRANDA LAUGHING]

Well, can you tell me of a better place

to celebrate his glorious life
than his own theater?

No, I can't. I... I can't.
Daddy would love it.

Thank you, Jesus!

- [CALL BELL DINGING]
- [WITH MOUTH FULL] Oh, God.

This key lime has seen better days!

Fine, but, Lucille,
nothing too theatrical.

What exactly have I envisioned

that's too theatrical?

Simple, respectful.

You will pick one or two
speakers from the theater,

I will do my eulogy,
and that will be it.

[SCOFFING] Well, now.

You've got a lot of opinions

for someone who was too busy

to come say goodbye to her daddy

on the last day of his life!

- Loubelle, may I have the check?
- Oh, keep your earrings on.

I recognize I just crossed a line.

But I want to be involved.

All I have is the theater.

And the memory of a man

I spent the best part of my life with.

[CALL BELL DINGING]

Simple. Respectful.

So, I'm in?

[DOOR OPENS]

- [CARRIE] Aidan?
- In here.

Hey! [CHUCKLES]

Oh my. So many doors!

And I thought I had a shopping problem.

- When'd you get back?
- Just now.

Took way longer than I thought.

I don't think it can be fixed.

What, you need four more doors?

No, they're all from the same era.

I just...

I don't think any of 'em
have a rainbow.

That's... that's probably gone,
'cause I ruined it.

[DISTANT SIREN WAILING]

[AIDAN SIGHS DEEPLY]

Hey, stop walking around.

Come here.

- [AIDAN SIGHS]
- Closer.

Okay, good.

Stop acting weird.

I should have never mentioned
the silly rainbow.

Give me a kiss.

[AIDAN GROANS]

I slept with Kathy.

What do you mean, you slept with Kathy?

Um, after the airport...

she was just so upset, and...

I mean, we both were.

Or I guess we were just
trying to comfort each other.

It just happened.

And it... and it was a mistake.

I mean, we both said so.

A-And it will never, ever happen again.

It's just... it won't.

It's so odd, but I...

I kind of understand.

Or, I don't know, maybe I'm in shock,

I don't know, or...

No, I do.

I understand how that could happen.

I'm so sorry I betrayed you.

Wha... [SCOFFS]

What do you mean, you betrayed me?

Well, 'cause we agreed
to wait for each other,

and I slept with someone else.

Well, I didn't agree to that.

What did you agree to?

That I would be here waiting
till you could be with me.

And... till then, you could
sleep with other people?

Y-You expected me
not to sleep with anyone else

- for five years?
- Well, yeah.

That's what I agreed to.

Okay. That's what you agreed to,

and even you couldn't do it.

Yeah, 'cause I f*cking broke our trust.

That's why.

[LAUGHING] Oh, my God.
This is so male or...

oh, my God, or medieval,
or I... I don't know.

I don't know.

My mind is just racing.

What... What do you mean?
Your mind's racing where?

Sleeping with Kathy, I...

- [AIDAN SIGHS]
- Because you were upset,

I understand.

I'm just having a harder time
understanding why...

we have not had
this discussion until now.

Uh, do you want
to sleep with other people?

No, I don't want to sleep
with other people.

I want to sleep with you.

And I still want that.

You... you hear me, right?

- Yes?
- Yes.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

[♪ GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]

[♪ GENTLE MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

[♪ "AMAZING GRACE"
BY URIEL VEGA PLAYING]

[CHAUFFEUR] Good morning.

Alright, let me get that for you.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING QUIETLY]

[♪ "AMAZING GRACE"
INSTRUMENTAL CONTINUES]

- Well? Do you approve?
- [LISA] Mm.

- It's beautiful.
- [CHUCKLES]

Let me get the, uh, program

out of my Michael Kors.

- I have several. [CHUCKLES]
- [WHISPERING] Yes.

You're up second-to-last
and scheduled for three minutes.

I only get three minutes to speak?

As my King used to say,
"No one was ever mad

about getting out of
the theater early."

- Break a leg!
- It's a funeral.

And it will be fabulous.

[CHUCKLES] And good
morning to you, Mr. Endicott!

[EUNICE] Now that I met
all of Newark in the lobby,

could you, um, seat yourself

so we could start the proceedings?

[CLEARING THROAT]

A funeral in a theater? Dear lord.

I'm sorry. She means well.

- No, she doesn't.
- Mm-mm, she doesn't.

But her digs are strangely comforting.

Like old times.

- Ooh. Ooh. Ah.
- [ANTHONY] She must be very sad.

- [MIRANDA] Yeah.
- What the hell happened to you?

I took the PATH train here.

- [MIRANDA CHUCKLES]
- I had to walk from the station!

These heels were made
for driving in my Mercedes,

not hoofing through Newark.

Why didn't you take an Uber?

Miranda told me it would be quicker.

I got here in 25 minutes.

Where is Carrie?

It is not like her to be late.
I hope she's okay.

- [MIRANDA] Yeah.
- [ANTHONY] I don't know.

Here she is.

- [MIRANDA] Oh, hey!
- What is up with his pants?

Hey, everyone. And just, uh, FYI:

The Big and Tall Shop on 21st Street

is now Castro Convertible.

So, where'd you get that?
The Short and Tight Men's Shop?

- [GROUP CHUCKLES LIGHTLY]
- Should we go in?

- [CARRIE] Yes.
- I like a tight pant.

- [MIRANDA] Thank you.
- [CHARLOTTE] Oh, uh, Lisa put us

up front with the family.

[CARRIE] Hey, how was the trip?

If there is an open casket
in there, throw me in.

[♪ KEYBOARD PLAYING SOFTLY]

I've been thinking
about that perfect apartment.

Offer them the 150 over the asking.

And find out what they'd take
for the furnishings too, okay?

Why the sudden change of heart?

I think it'll bring me more joy.

- [FABRIC TEARING]
- Oh, sh*t.

What? What is it?

I think my pants just split.

Yep.

Damn, I can see my big and tall.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

- What's so funny?
- [AIDAN SHUSHING]

[♪ KEYBOARD CONTINUES PLAYING]

Everything looks in order.

[♪ KEYBOARD BEGINS PLAYING
"MAGIC TO DO" FROM "PIPPIN"]

♪ Join us,
leave your tears and sorrow ♪

Spoke too soon.

♪ Join us, leave your field to flower ♪

Pippin? It's a Pippin funeral?

♪ Come and waste and hour or two ♪

Too theatrical.

♪ Ah, doodle-ee-doo-doo ♪

I didn't know we were
going to a carnival.

[PERFORMERS] Love!

- [APPLAUSE]
- [MICROPHONE CLICKS ON]

The Newark Free Theater's
Post Office Players.

[CHUCKLING] Yes! They delivered!

Thank you, ladies.

And now, welcome Lisa Todd Wexley.

- [APPLAUSE]
- [♪ LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING]

Come up with me.
I... I can't do this alone.

Change seats with me, Henry.

I cannot see a thing

sitting behind Miss Coretta Scott King,

styled by Liberace.

- Uh, I heard that.
- Yes, I meant you to.

[♪ SOFT KEYBOARD MUSIC ENDING]

Um, before I start, I... [SNIFFLING]

I'd like to thank everyone for
being here for my father today.

[ATTENDEE] He was always there for us.

- [AUDIENCE MURMURING]
- [LISA] As... as that gentleman

just reminded us,

my father was... [SNIFFLING]
there for him.

It...

seems as if my father was always there.

For this theater that he loved
so much, and all of you.

[SNIFFLING] He was always
there for my family, for me.

And...

I just wasn't there for him in the end.

And, uh, he left before... [SNIFFLING]

...I got there.

And... I wasn't there.

And I...

[SIGHS] [WHISPERING] I can't.

[WHISPERING] It's okay.

[LISA] I can't continue.

[HERBERT] [WHISPERING]
It's okay. I got it.

My wife was not with her
beloved father when he passed

but for the last 22 years,

she dragged me to every production

that he staged right here. [CHUCKLES]

- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
- With some unknown writers.

I... I think one of them was named

Will There Be Afros in Outer Space?

[LAUGHTER]

[HERBERT] Uh, bring the other
car around. Thanks.

If you're not by your loved
one's side when they pass,

it means that their spirit
doesn't want you there.

They want you to remember them
the way that they were,

not in their final hour.

[♪ SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

Here. Belgian lace.

Launder it by hand.

[SIGHS, SNIFFLES]

Well, I guess now's
as good a time as any.

- Mm-hmm.
- You stay close.

- Always.
- [SOFTLY] Come on.

- You good?
- Yes.

- Okay, you ready?
- Yeah.

[CARRIE] [CHUCKLES] Okay. Right, left.

[CARRIE] Despite the shatter,

the woman knew the break wasn't fatal.

[AIDAN SIGHS]

[CARRIE] With time and care,
it would soon be repaired.

Because the ties that bound them

were stronger than any spun glass.

[WHISPERING] Go back to sleep.
I'll call you when I get home.

[WHISPERING] You are home.

[KISS SMACKING]

[AIDAN] Love you.

[SIGHS]

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

[CLEARING THROAT,
MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[AIDAN] It's open.

- Morning.
- Duncan.

Duncan. That's it.

I'm... I'm so sorry to intrude
so early in the morning.

Carrie might have mentioned
that I keep night hours.

I was just leaving this.
It's a chapter of my book.

Oh. I'll, uh, make sure she gets it.

Okay. Thanks, mate.

[♪ GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]

[♪ LIGHT, PEPPY MUSIC PLAYING IN STORE]

[INTERCOM DINGS]

Charlotte?

What... what are you doing down here?

W-Why...

Why are you holding adult male Depends?

Harry has prostate cancer.

[CRYING] He doesn't want
anyone to know or to find out.

So, that's why
I'm all the way down here.

And, please, forget that I told you.

I'm only telling you because...
'cause you saw the Depends.

- [CHARLOTTE SOBBING]
- Oh, honey, honey.

Here, sweetie, look at me.

You tell me anything, alright?

Any thought, big or small.

I will not tell a soul.
I promise, I'm your vault.

[CHARLOTTE SIGHS]

They found it early, but...

- [CARRIE CLICKING TONGUE]
- I just...

I can't s-stop thinking
that he's gonna die.

[SOBBING]

That's why I've been such a mess.

[SOBBING]

♪ I might have spent six months ♪

♪ Lying on my living room floor ♪

[SOBBING CONTINUES]

♪ I might have been sick, then well ♪

♪ Then sick some more ♪

[♪ "LETTING GO"
BY ANGIE MCMAHON PLAYING]

♪ Than I ever have been ♪

♪ I've been learning 'bout letting go ♪

♪ How to do it without my claws ♪

♪ Scratching the surfaces ♪

♪ I've been learning
'bout wasting time ♪

♪ And closing some doors ♪

♪ Hoping to open more down the line ♪

♪ I've been learning
'bout wasting time ♪

♪ And closing some doors ♪

♪ Hoping to open more down the line ♪

♪