03x02 - The Best Friend I Never Had

[bunniefuu]

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happy babies

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I

love great jokes

I've got my computer

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yeah

is everything all right in here

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all right

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okay

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I'll find you you little blue weirdo

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come on piggy you're supposed to draw on

the TV nah I'm Gonzo oh boy

[Applause]

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[Applause]

change the sandwich wrap Skeeter it's my

turn

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I know I'll draw a fish

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pretty neat huh

check this out

huh hey no fair

sorry scooter

hey guys watch me put a mustache on this

little guy

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here

oh yeah I'll get you this time

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[Applause]

stops

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huh

Masters

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having a good time kids

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yeah Manny using the sandwich wrap to

draw on the TV screen was a great idea

I'm glad you like it Kermit are you

lonely

looking for that perfect friend then you

should try Hal's computer Friend Finder

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send in ten dollars and tell us about

the pal you'd like to have and we'll

find you the perfect friend hey what a

great idea yeah I bet we could find a

whole bunch of perfect new friends huh

Nanny well I don't know Fozzy whoa great

idea

do it oh hey let's go yeah listen kids

maybe you could how much money

16 cents I got a nickel

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dollars

how much is that one I'm not enough

Gonzo

I've got an idea kid you're gonna get

no you don't need the ten dollars piggy

we don't you can use Scooter's computer

yeah that's right his computer can tell

us who our perfect friends are just like

on TV

that's right Kermit try it out

I'll be back in a while and you can

introduce me to your new Pals all right

who's

who's first I

I what I mean I am going to let my sweet

little piggy go first

thank you Gonzo okay just give me the

facts on your perfect pal and I'll

program him into my computer let's see

my perfect pal would be short green and

handsome

foreign

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silly they're grown up can't you tell

um yeah sure he was everything every big

girl could get a frog Fearless eyes

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yes he was everything a girl could want

in a box

oh

almost everything

so what can I do for you ma'am um well

I'm looking for excitement and romance

relax your search is over I know

yep I found them this morning excitement

and romance you did say you were looking

for him didn't you

[Applause]

okay okay sorry

[Applause]

I'm Kermit what

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thrills

you get me out of here Kermit

I can't step on it my feet don't reach

the pedals how was I supposed to know it

was a foot shot not perfect I just

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that's much better okay hang on

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[Applause]

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um Weller I think two bucks for gas

ought to cover it

[Applause]

I'm shaking Todd let's just call it even

keep the money

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[Applause]

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thank you

why can't you be more romantic because

I'm not perfect piggy I'm just a frog

who wants to go next I will my perfect

friend would be a very friendly comedian

like me

look fuzzy gee

hey you're Charlie Chaplin aren't you

you're one of my all-time favorite

comedians wanna be my friend

I love the way he walks

wow

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say I'm getting kind of hungry Charlie

have you got anything to eat

oh I get it to lay up song what a great

joke Charlie

ah I know just how it feels Charlie

whenever I tell a bad joke I get hit

with tomatoes

sorry I didn't mean your joke was bad

but maybe I could lend you some of my

jokes

how about this one what do you call a

guy with a chicken on his head

foreign

[Laughter]

I guess you heard that one

wait a minute I got a joke I know you'll

just laugh what did the Seven Dwarfs say

when someone asked them what color snow

was

give up they said isn't Snow White get

it seven dwarfs Snow White waka waka

waka wow

ouch

there's nothing worse than Frozen

Tomatoes what the what the heck

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wow

oh my gosh I don't know if this perfect

friend business is such a good idea

whoa animals

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break the computers

best friend Ronald

slime Frozen

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no

no friends

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get me out of here

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all right

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monster

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foreign

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I've got it no

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rain go bye bye is everything all right

in here yes Danny we'll try to keep the

noise down okay you almost got Us in big

trouble animal

surely I don't know about you guys but I

know exactly what makes a perfect friend

the perfect friend must be very

intelligent mathematical and thinking

and have tons of information at his

fingertips

the screen went blank I don't understand

it I entered All the Right Stuff

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who are you

perfect

you programmed me yourself I did I mean

yeah I did I can play it again

[Applause]

anything

listen pal how about a game of

tic-tac-toe

okay

hey

you lose but I didn't even play yes

yes I do I predicted every one of your

moves and based

lose that's no fun hmm I know let's put

together a jigsaw puzzle

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it's always best to put the borders

together first

I've already solved the puzzle what

watch

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oh that's no fair I didn't even get a

chance to find one piece why don't we

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gosh I didn't know computers like

parties sure

okay pal

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huh

new friend

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computer palsy

well I don't need a stupid computer to

find my perfect friend I can use my

imagination my perfect friend would be

very athletic poor muscular

wow a person could really get in shape

here yeah

I build muscles on my nose

foreign

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yeah that's right are you ready for your

workout

sure let's go yeah

first we'll do some tune-ups

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to reach don't worry I'll fix it

up down up okay here you go

okay now it's barbell time

boy I'm finished

yeah me too

all right pick up those bars and start

pumping

one two one two one two easy enough one

two one one two one

hey Rob I bet you can't lift the

dumbbell sure I can watch hey what are

you doing a dumbbell silly oh I know wow

that ready guys

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some friend he turned out to be Skeeter

some muscle men are just too interested

in themselves to have fun yeah I guess

you're right I don't know about you guys

but my perfect friend would be pink and

sweet and oh

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crazy imagination

should have your blue eyes and blonde

hair

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a blank mind the perfect canvas to

create my perfect Pig

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it is I your perfect clumsy onesie Gonzo

darling would you like to come here

don't bees like honey

okay

for you piggy my sweet why thank you

Gonzo wow piggy you're even more

beautiful than I imagined how's about a

little peck on my nose oh pick up my

dreams not in front of our perfect

children

ah children

it must be your perfect friend Kermit

cry perfect piggy I brought along

Gonzo's perfect friends Ralph and fazi

hi Gonzo hello hi guys uh actually uh

Piggy and I were

planning on spending the afternoon by

ourselves no we weren't kanji onesie we

want nope you're a perfect friend and

Skinner are coming to have lunch with us

they are hey hello oh boy I think my

imagination is broken come on piggy

let's get out of here we're going so

me perfect animals

learning perfectly ridiculous

[Laughter]

don't you wanna play with us

go away

go away

Gonzo snap out of it are you okay yeah

you're just a bunch of long-nosed

weirdos what are you talking about Ganzo

I'm sorry guys I guess I

guess like a sick pal pal I guess we'll

never know what makes a good friend wait

a minute that's it what's that good

friends are like good songs

they're all different different but

always in harmony

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from your head to your toes we like it

that way

I wake up green every single day

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[Applause]

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people are different

it's perfect

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we all have things that we're nervous

about

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time

well Nobody's Perfect

then there's no such thing as a perfect

friend of course there is we're all

perfect friends piggy yeah

get down

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I don't believe it piggy rubbed me gosh

maybe you and I are perfect friends

Skeeter of course we are a scooter we're

twins uh gee Rob between your music and

my jokes we've got a lot in common yeah

and fleas too huh oh

yes

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thank you animal well kid it looks like

you found your perfect friends after all

thank you yeah

yeah Nanny she thinks Godzilla

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thank you

piggy wouldn't you like to be closer

friends say this crowd

oh my God

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