01x02 - Training Day

[bunniefuu]

[phones ringing]

[upbeat music plays]

[man] Hello. Human Resources.
How may I direct your call?

[laughs] Oh, I totally get it.
My son just left for college too. [laughs]

Oh, let me connect you to
the Identity Crisis Center. Please hold.

Grace, I'm going on my break.

I don't get it.
Why doesn't Phil just feed himself?

- Oh, hi!
- Right there!

Sex in the kitchen again.
[laughs] Yay, fun.

The f*ck' show is called
Somebody Feed Phil, baby. Oh, sh*t!

- Oh, whoops. Sorry. Sorry.
- [Mona grunts]

Every bite with this guy,

it's like he's been on Earth
for two whole f*cking minutes.

He looks like a toddler getting
a colonoscopy.

- [Mona grunts]
- Face or t*ts, honey? Quick! Face or t*ts?

Neither. It'll cake in my fur.

Or you could not ej*cul*te
in the kitchen at all.

- Let's just both blam on the floor.
- [Gavin] Here I come!

Okay, I'm just gonna grab
my Chinese chicken salad.

All right, fine,
I'll watch the bloody show.

Ah, don't bother.
I can already tell you won't like it.

You know, Phil Rosenthal created
Everybody Loves Raymo...[screams]

Oh, God!

[wails] I slipped in the c*m!

[yelping] Oh! Oh!

I think I broke six of my... [screams]

Seven of my legs!

[wails]

And my salad is ruined!

- ["Make Me Feel" by Janelle Monáe playing]
- ♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪

♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪

♪ So real, so good, so f*ck' real ♪

♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪

♪ It's like I'm powerful
With a little bit of tender ♪

♪ An emotional, sexual bender ♪

♪ Mess me up, yeah
But no one does it better ♪

♪ There's nothin' better ♪

♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪

[phones ring]

How is Jose supposed to answer
the g*dd*mn phones now?

Oh, I can still manage.

Don't be a f*ck' hero, Jose,
let it go to voicemail.

Whoa, whoa. What's going on here?

Mona and Gavin were fornicating
in the kitchen again

and left a puddle of ej*cul*te.

Excuse me, it was a pile of ej*cul*te.

It looked like an anthill
made of mayonnaise.

Well, Jose almost died on that anthill.

[giggles] He can't die.
He's a super spider.

- He's in Sony, he's in Marvel...
- [chuckles]

I think you're thinking
of Spider-Man? I'm just a spider, man.

- [chuckles] Jose. Hi.
- Hi.

Oh, shut the f*ck up, Jose.
Don't be nice to these animals.

"Animals"? We're not animals.

We are monsters. Insatiable,
hairy jizz monsters with no boundaries!

Ooh! I wish I could cut off my own c*ck

so you could strap it on
and f*ck me with it right now!

Hey, Mona, Gavino,
maybe take it down a notch?

I think our coworkers
are just looking for a little apology.

Okay, fine!

[sarcastically] I'm so sorry

Mona and me left a lot of c*m
on the floor in the office kitchen.

- And a teensy bit of urine.
- I'm very sorry about my c*m.

Okay? Everybody happy?

[scoffs] The Archdiocese of Baltimore
apologizes better than that.

And it's not just Mona and Gavin
who should be apologizing, thank you.

It's all of you.
Todd, roll the f*ck' tape.

- You f*ck on our mail carts.
- Hey, it's your favorite aunt, Grace.

Toot, toot! Hot bones coming through!

[Petra] You fellate each other
in our vents and on our desks!

Hey, Gil, you using
a different d*ck shampoo?

- [Petra] Even the f*cking snack machine!
- [Tito screams]

My favorite snack
is Beats by Dre headphones at the airport!

[Petra] Working with you
is ruining our f*cking lives.

Uh, one second.
Was that last one my house?

Yes, Jose. We sometimes f*ck
at your place and watch Starz.

Starz with a "Z," baby!

Ugh! That's it. I am calling Corporate.

- What? Oh, man!
- Corporate?

Those prissy twats
wouldn't know a hard d*ck

if you chased them
down the stairwell with it.

Ooh, you guys are in trouble!

- You too! You're jerking off right now.
- [giggles] No, I'm not!

- Oh, yes you are.
- [giggles] No, I'm not.

- Yes, you are.
- No, I'm not!

[sighs]

No, I'm not.

Hey, Walter! Okay, I'm taking a survey.
Would you rather fart fire or pee ice?

I'll pee ice. Duh! [laughs]

Wait, why are you here and not with Becca?

Oh, she doesn't need
me bothering her right now.

She just had a baby.

- So, you're avoiding her.
- Pssh! No, I'm giving her space.

Love is about many things, bug,
but "space" is not one of them.

Love is smothering like a rogue nurse
who's taken mercy into her own hands.

Wow. I guess I have
a lot to learn about love?

Yeah, no sh*t.

[gasps] I have an incredible idea.

You should learn about love

from the bug
who knows the most about love,

and that bug happens to be

- grabbing you by the collar right now.
- [gasps]

- Are you gonna k*ll me?
- Ooh! Better, honey. I'm gonna teach you!

[snapping fingers] It's a Lovebug
ride-along, b*tch.

- [cackles] Let's go! Whoo!
- [Emmy] Whoa!

[phone rings]

- [sizzling]
- [screams] My spider d*ck!

Rochelle, do you want to
tell me what this is?

An application for the Phoenix Suns
credit card our client Doug wants to get?

- Well, yes, that's objectively what it is.
- And subjectively?

A bad decision. This is a joke credit card

and the punchline
is a lifetime of crushing debt.

Ugh, you are such a Logic Rock!

The Connecticut Costco Credit Union

has a perfectly reasonable card
and it's not purple.

But Doug loves the Phoenix Suns.
He's their number one Hartford fan.

And if he spends over 30,000
in the first three months,

he earns a full leather
varsity Suns jacket. It's so purple.

No! Doug needs to be saving money
for Donna's engagement ring.

That can be the first thing he buys
with his new Suns credit card.

[sighs] Look, I know you've achieved

a lot of success
in a short amount of time.

- And you're classically good-looking...
- Mmhmm. I was born this way.

- ...and people like you.
- Boy, stop.

But you're mistaking that for being right,

which you're not, you're very, very wrong.

This card isn't just irresponsible,
it's dumb and purple.

Hm. You know what? You're totally right.

The Costco card makes much more sense.
How did I not see that before?

- So stupid. Ah!
- Oh, uh...

Well, don't be too hard on yourself.
The print is very tiny.

See? That's why we work so well together.

I have an idea,
and you tell me why it's dumb.

I'll go clear this up with Doug.
Thank you.

Oh, well, de nada. In fact, thank you.

Oh, no, thank you.

Okay, I'm just gonna close the loop
and just say, "You're welcome." [chuckles]

This is horseshit.
We don't need sensitivity training.

Yeah. I'm very sensitive.
I can't even watch a Hallmark commercial

without frosting my coffee table.

I say, the minute
this bozo from Corporate comes in,

we cut off my d*ck
and throw it at his head.

- [Connie] Yeah!
- That's right.

You really want
someone to cut off your d*ck, huh, chief?

Yeah, maybe.
What are you gonna do about it?

Cut off my d*ck?
Here. Here's a bread knife.

- Okay, monster friends.
- [whimsical music plays]

Let's put away the knives
and keep our genitals on our bodies, yeah?

Sound good?

Oh, you must be
the killjoy from Corporate.

I could hear your tight butthole
squeaking down the hallway. [squeaks]

[monsters laugh]

Yes, I'm from Corporate and I do have
a tight butthole, but I also have a name.

It's Empathy Mulholland.
And, folks, I get it.

You don't want me here.

Yeah, we wanna k*ll you
and make doody on your corpse!

Tyler! But yes, as always,
the f*cking idiot speaks for all of us.

But, hey, monsters, we have a problem.
[whispers] Your coworkers are upset.

Our coworkers
can suck Gavin's severed d*ck.

- [Gavin] Yeah!
- I hear you. You're Hormone Monsters.

You want to fornicate
wherever and whenever you want.

- [Maury] Yeah!
- [Connie] She gets it!

I can tell you're very passionate
about intercourse,

and that's beautiful,

but you just can't do it in the office
ever again starting right now.

[monsters] What?

[angry protests]

I'm so mad, I wanna f*ck
in my place of business!

Let's get out of here.

We can go "intercourse"
at Jose's house and watch Starz.

With a "Z"!

Ooh! That sounds like
a really nice afternoon.

But, unfortunately,
if I don't sign-off on your training,

you're all gonna get fired. Yucky.

- What the f*ck?
- [angry protests]

I can't go back to work
on the flip-flop factory floor.

It's too hard to say!

And I can't move back in with my parents!
They don't let me party, man!

- Mona?
- Fine. I'll stay.

But I'm going to be incredibly unpleasant.

Just like my parents

when they found me smoking
that icky-sticky with all my cool friends.

[intriguing music plays]

Whoo-hoo!

Good morning, Long Island!

Love is in the air.

Can you smell it, Emmy?
Can you smell the love?

That depends.
Does love smell like garbage?

No, that's just Long Island, honey.

Now, my first client, his love is so big,
it could fill all of Lake Ronkonkoma.

All the way from Lakeshore Road
to Little Vincent's Pizzeria.

And if you don't know Long Island,
that's really far away.

So, you're just at 100% all the time, huh?

Love lesson number one:

if you're not giving it 100
then what's the f*cking point?

Now, walk with me. Hold my hand.
Squeeze it, crush it!

- I don't wanna!
- Harder, I wanna hear the bones.

- [bones crack]
- Oh!

- Good morning, Brent. Mwah!
- Mwah! Mwah!

Good morning, Walter. You're just in time.

Somebody's grumpy-pants because
they haven't had their bweakfast. [laughs]

The shrimp's almost ready!

Oh, okay. The husband is cute and
he's cooking prawns at dawn, Emmy likey.

[sighs] Gerald's fine.

We only stay with him because
we could never share custody of Mr. Tails!

- [upbeat dance music plays]
- [Brent] Ooh, yes, hunty, yass!

Cat- egory is thick girls with attitude!

- Strut, strut!
- You're here because Brent loves a cat?

- Of course!
- [Brent] Yass!

Mr. Tails is the most magnificent creature
that's ever graced this disgusting city.

- Who's our favorite baby kitty cat?
- Ooh!

Who's keeping me in this dead marriage?
You are!

Uh, am I missing something?
I mean, that's just a stupid cat, right?

Love lesson number two!

The world is made up of many types of love

and they're all perfect
and they're all equally important.

[sniffs] Whoo!

Jesus, Walter, is that cocaine?

It's catnip, baby.
Kitty coke. The meow pow.

- Meow-meow!
- Ow!

- You scratched me, you f*cking psycho!
- [cackles]

Love lessons
number three through a million:

- Love is a f*cking psycho.
- [mellow R&B music plays]

♪ When me and love get together
I give up all control ♪

♪ I ghost my friends
And put the family on hold ♪

♪ I let everything slide
Forget the bills and the rent ♪

♪ Love ain't happy with half
It wants 100% ♪

♪ It's a total obsession
An all-in game ♪

♪ I'd rather k*ll it than to lose it
And love feels the same ♪

♪ 'Cause love is a psycho
And I'm a psycho for love ♪

♪ Love is a psycho
And I'm a psycho for love ♪

♪ Me and love
We like our loving at the maximum dose ♪

♪ It's like that movie Fatal Attraction
But we're both Glenn Close ♪

♪ It consumes my every hour
And haunts every dream ♪

♪ It shows up at my job
Makes an embarrassing scene ♪

♪ Yeah, we tumble and we tussle
We scratch and we bite ♪

♪ But if it ain't a little scary
You ain't doin' it right ♪

♪ 'Cause love is a psycho ♪

♪ And I'm a psycho for love ♪

♪ Love is a psycho
And I'm psycho for love ♪

♪ And I know that love will never leave ♪

♪ 'Cause I slashed its tires
And I stole its keys ♪

♪ Yeah, love is a psycho
And I'm a psycho for love ♪

♪ Yeah, love is a psycho
And I'm a psycho for love ♪

Okay, are you sure that catnip
wasn't actually cocaine?

No, I'm not! [laughs]

[phone rings]

Doh! [groans]

Damn it!

Um, Rochelle?

Mr. Pete-Pete-Pete.

Hey. I feel like
I was a little rough earlier

when I was explaining
how dumb your idea was.

Look. I get it. You're a Logic Rock.
You're just doing what you think is right.

Oh. [chuckles] Exactly.

And I was just doing
what I think Doug would love.

Totally. Uh, wait. What did you do?

[giggles] You'll see.

What did you do? That car is a lease!

Isn't it boss?
Now my whole car looks like the jacket.

Oh! Do you love it, Doug?

Uh, was Charles Barkley
the most dominant power forward

in NBA history
despite being only six foot four? [laughs]

He sure was.

You Lovebugs make
the most ridiculous decisions.

- It's impossible to collaborate with you.
- Come on. You love it, you dumbass rock.

I certainly love it.

And I assume you put this all
on your Phoenix Suns purple credit card?

That's right.
Finally catching up to us, Pete.

Look! It's got a basketball on it
and the basketball is on fire.

My God. It's a sun, Doug!

[Empathy] Consideration. Yeah?

Let's explore that word through
my favorite activity, corporate role play.

How about my d*ck
plays the role of a salami

and you have to slice it off
to make a nice charcuterie?

Um... [mouth pops]

Connie, why don't you join me up front?

Okay, I love acting.

Now, Connie, what is something you hate?

Oh, gosh, so many things.

The Apple TV remote,
Adolf Hitler from n*zi Germany.

Oh! And the sound of toenails
getting clipped. [groans]

Okay. Great.

Now let's pretend that you're at your desk
and I've come by to be a Chatty Kathy.

All right... [breathes deeply]

You may begin.

Oh, hey, Connie.

Sorry I was late for work.
Mama's sick again.

I wonder when I'll ever have my own life,

- free of Mama, from all that wailing.
- [toenail clipper clicks]

Oh, my God, do you mind?

And scene.
Now, Connie, how did that make you feel?

Bad! Like I gotta poop at a house party.

So, would you say that
I was considerate in that interaction?

No! And you knew I didn't like that.

Exactly. But I did it anyway.

[gasps] That's what we've been doing
f*cking in front of our co-workers.

- We've been bad little birdies.
- This is all such bullshit!

Gavin, where's this resistance
coming from?

I don't know. My d*ck?

- But you can always lop it off!
- [monsters laugh]

- Gavin?
- Yes?

- Please pull out your pecker.
- Yeah? Why?

You said I could lop it off
and I would like to lop it off, please.

Right from where the shaft
meets the ba*ls.

Oh God! Please don't take my d*ck.

Why, Gavin?
Why shouldn't I take your d*ck?

Because I want it! I just...
I... I don't... I don't think I deserve it!

And why don't you deserve it?

[sobbing] Because it's such a good p*nis.
And I'm such a bad monster.

Wow, that is a breakthrough.

Mmm. Mama earned her
glass of rat's blood tonight.

Ooh, ooh! Now do me.

Yeah, I wanna know
why I hold onto so many winter coats.

- I wanna know why I'm afraid of dolls.
- [cheers]

I want to know why I work
with such a bunch of pathetic pussies.

Okay, I bet she could tell ya.

You're gonna love Yara.

All my clients are my favorite,
but Yara truly is my number one.

- I'm her ride or die.
- [gentle music plays]

Oh, man. You should have warned me
your client was an old person.

I know we're not supposed to say it,
but the elderly have a stew smell.

Well, if we're not supposed to say it,
then, honey, don't say it.

Knock-knock. Guess who?

- [gasps] Safi!
- That's right, baby. It's Safi time.

Wait, Walter, what's happening?
Who's Safi?

Ooh, get ready for some sh*t, bug!

- Are you Safi? Oh, God. Am I Safi?
- [dreamlike music plays]

Ah! Beirut, 1972.

- Wait, what? How did we get here?
- Well, it's Yara's dementia.

[Emmy] Oh, no, Yara has dementia?

[Walter] Uh-uh. Yara gets dementia
because Yara has Alzheimer's.

It's one of those diseases
some humans get as they get older.

It causes these fabulous time distortions.

- Whoa.
- Yara, my darling,

we have a date with destiny.

[in Arabic] You look so handsome
in your suit, Walter.

[in English]
You know, I always dress up for...

- [both] Safi!
- [mysterious music plays]

Ooh-ooh! I'm gonna order
a Lebanese c*ck.

- Shh!
- What?

It's five o'clock
in someone's mental decline.

Hush! Destiny enters stage right.

Safi!

Oh, Safi is the waiter.

She came here every day
after university to see him.

He serves her favorite rosewater tea
without asking

and an almond cookie
he never charges her for.

Actually, he stole
a lot of stuff under the table,

but alas, because of her family,
they could never be seen together.

Okay, forbidden love.

Now, you're speaking
my Danielle Steel language.

Those books are porn.

And isn't Yara just a star?

[laughs] I mean, following her heart,
tradition be damned.

Oh! Look, it's happening.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What does it say?

"Tonight. The beach. Meet me."

Oh! Such concise language.

Man, I have a huge b*ner
in my heart for these two.

To quote Danielle Steel,
"My member is throbbing."

"Full vehicle wrap,
neon purple underglow kit"?

- "Custom Suns airbags"?
- [Doug chuckles]

Yeah, makes me want to crash my car.

Uh, how could you
possibly afford all this, Doug?

You're a TaskRabbit.

- Actually, my rating dropped too low.
- Oh, God.

There was some mounting evidence

- of some TV mounting accidents, so...
- [scoffs] Sure.

...now I'm just a rabbit
'cause I still love to f*ck!

- You sure do.
- Go easy on him, Pete.

He just lost his job.

Freelance labor matched
to temporary local demand

through an exploitative app
is technically not a job, Rochelle.

- Sounds like a job to me. Money is money.
- It's a gig. A gig!

Jeez, Pete, you sound a lot like Donna.

And what about Donna, Doug?

You're supposed to be saving money
to buy Donna an engagement ring.

- Oh! Damn. I didn't think about that.
- No, you didn't.

I was caught in the rapture of love.

- What in the absolute f*ck did you do now?
- And here it comes.

- I... I can explain.
- It's so f*cking purple!

Well, it's also orange and yellow.

I can't f*ck' believe you, Doug.
You did it again.

Oh, God. Did what again, babe?

Made me fall in love with you.

- I love it! And I love you!
- [pleasant music plays]

Oh, babe, I love you!

[both moaning]

Okay. This doesn't make any sense.

That's love, baby.

You know what?

I was gonna wait to do this
at the Suns versus Nets game next week,

but I'm so g*dd*mn wet right now.

[chuckles] Douglas Frederick,
will you marry me?

[Doug squeals]

Yes! Yes! Several times, yes!

Now let's get all Steve Nashty in that
throbbing chariot of yours. Go, Suns!

[Doug] Go, Suns!

- Go, Suns!
- [sighs]

Go, Suns.

Yara's here.
She's ready, but will Safi show?

Has Safi been k*lled by the secret police?

[chuckles] JK, JK, he hasn't.

We've done this hundreds of times,
but it's still my favorite. I'm addicted!

And it never bothers you?

Which part?

The part where she's tragically trapped
in an endless loop of lost memories?

Emmy, let Yara and I have this.

[gasps] Oh! There he is.

Oh! What a God damn Phoenician hunk.

- [Emmy] Damn!
- [suspenseful music plays]

[in Arabic] I didn't think you'd come.

Of course, I love you.
I'd walk 500 kilometers for you.

And I would walk 500 more
just to be your...

Just shut up and kiss me!

[Safi] Mmm...

[exclaims in English] Look at them.
Such passion.

Such a sunset.
I want to stay here forever.

Ma! It's me, your son, Amir.

Do you know where they put
the good blankets I got you?

- Amir?
- [distorted whooshing]

You know, the ones
with the Yorkshire Terriers you love?

- Safi?
- Not Safi.

- Why no Safi?
- Amir.

Excuse me, do you know where our
good blankets are? It's freezing in here.

- I can see my mother's n*pples.
- Safi!

What's happening?
Why's that man talking about your n*pples?

Where are we?

We're back in the U.S. of A-holes.
He does this all the time.

Walter, you're sweating.

Stressing her out.
Sticking her in here to die.

Why can't she just be back in Lebanon
with Safi?

- This is so f*cking unfair.
- [ominous music plays]

Walter? Be careful.
You're turning into a Hateworm.

Love lesson number one million and one!

[roars] The line between love and hate
is thin as hell!

You'd think if you c*m enough,

it'll finally drain the fat

out of your fat f*cking face,

but that's just your mother talking.

[sobs]

Didn't that feel good?

Yeah. I feel f*cking skinny.

Oh! Pfft! Come on, Maurice.
Don't you see what she's trying to do?

What, help me divorce my self-esteem
from my load size?

No! She's trying to tame you.
She's trying to tame all of us!

I can imagine how frightening
that must be for you, Mona.

I can imagine popping out your eyeballs

and dangling them from my crotch
like a pair of testicles.

[Empathy] Thank you for that.

Come on, we are Hormone Monsters,
don't you forget it.

We're the f*cking rock stars
who get rock stars f*cked.

- It's true.
- Does Steve Winwood count?

'Cause I work with Steve Winwood.

And rock stars write songs about f*cking
that make other people f*ck!

- Alright!
- Steve Winwood f*ck.

More than you'd think.

You tame us, you tame them.

And if humans stop f*cking,
no more humans!

- Yes!
- No more humans, no more Human Resources.

Yeah! And then you're all stuck
working with that alien race

that hasn't evolved past
sucking its own d*ck.

You wanna talk abut sex in the workplace?

- Well, honey, sex is my workplace.
- [triumphant music swells]

[monsters] Yeah! Preach, Mona, preach!

- What do we want?
- [monsters] Sex!

And when do we want it?

[monsters] All the time!

- [all] Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!
- [Rick] Chex Mix! Chex Mix! Chex Mix!

Hey, Rick. We're chanting, "sex," bud.

- Your move, Empathy.
- [monsters] Sex, sex!

Stop! Okay. What if, as a compromise,

I get Corporate to give you guys
your own designated f*ck room?

Oh, with a drain in the middle
so we can hose down our drippings?

Well, that sounds more like a m*rder room.

Yeah! To m*rder our private parts in.

Well, Mona, what do you say?

[suspenseful music builds]

They're falling in love.

Throw in a flat-screen telly
and a subscription to Starz.

With a "Z."

- And I suppose we have a deal.
- Done.

[cheers]

- Hey, listen, could we get a dildo cubby?
- Yes!

I'm just thinking ahead.

- Where are we? I'm so confused!
- [tense music plays]

Mama, please. [speaks Arabic]

How dare you put your mother
in this zoo for old people?

- Relax. [in Arabic] Take a deep breath.
- Leave me alone!

[in English] Do you know
what an insult that is to your mama?

- She did everything for you!
- [rattling]

- [Walter grunts]
- Walter!

- I f*cking hate her being old.
- Ahh!

He just wants his mother
to have the good blankets.

At least he visits her.
He's doing his best!

- Oh, Mama, I almost forgot.
- [Tito] Oh, my God! What was that?

[bugs gasp]

- Is this rose tea from the café?
- [mysterious music plays]

Yeah, I told you. I ordered it from
YourLebaneseMothersTeas.com.

- Aww.
- And it's not cheap.

- Here, Walter, smell. Smell the tea.
- [Walter groans, grunts]

[sniffs] Oh. Oh!

That smells like... Safi.

[magical music plays]

Finally. I bought these nice blankets

for my mother
and you keep them in the closet?

- What are we paying you for?
- [barks]

This is my son Amir.

He visits me every day
and he takes the best care of me.

Please, Mama. Not in front of the doggies.
[speaks Arabic]

[sighs] I always forget this part.
It's nice.

"Always"? This happens every time?

Oh, no. Sometimes I really lose my sh*t.

And he keeps visiting
even though you freak out on him?

And she doesn't know
who he is half the time?

Well, he loves her.

Huh. I guess love means showing up?

Well, look at you! All the way up
to lesson number one million and two.

Hm... And so then, maybe,
I should be showing up for Becca.

Hey, now, you're not as
grossly incompetent as you claim to be.

Well, I never said that.

Oh! Then who said that?
Somebody said that.

Did I say that? I probably did.

[email chimes]

Hey, Petey-Petey, you rock-hard sweetie.
You still mad at me?

Hey, Rochelle-Rochelle. You are a Lovebug.
We work together. [clears throat]

I guess that's a no?

Well, it seems Doug's terrible purple car
worked out even better than you thought.

What's up, everybody?

I'm in Hartford, Connecticut, today,
and this fool's driving me around.

Look what he did to his car.

Hey, Sir Charles,
the basketball is also a sun!

[laughs] Oh, man, this guy is an idiot.

I love it.

- Doug got a job?
- Gig. He got a gig.

- Yeah, with his hero!
- Well, it's a start.

Well, I got you something.
A little peace offering.

Oh. [chuckles]

You, uh, know I'm a rock, right?
I don't get cold.

Of course you don't.
But hey, you look kinda cute.

- I do?
- Mm-hm.

- [chuckles] Oh, thank you.
- Of course.

- We, uh, have a thing now.
- [laughs] Yeah.

A sense of camaraderie captured
in a meaningful object.

Okay, if that's what you want to call it.

I like it despite its impracticality.

Okay, cool. I'm done. Have a good night.
[laughs]

- Good night, Rochelle.
- [upbeat music plays]

[Mona] We hormone monsters
want you to know...

We hear you.

We see you.

We respect you, man, and women.

And we're sorry we were naughty.

But we've learned something.

We deserve our good dicks.

And we're gonna try
to be more, you know, considerate.

Yeah. And more professional.

All while still being
the rocking f*ck stars that we are.

[monsters] Teamwork is cream-work!

There's a drain in the middle. [laughs]

- Oh, yeah!
- [grunting, moaning]

Oh, God!

- [phones ringing]
- [grunting]

[Petra] Jose, answer the damn phones!

Oh, for crying out loud, Petra!
I'm on my lunch break.

["I Like The Way" by
Tommy James and The Shondells playing]

♪ I like the way you call my name ♪

♪ It sounds so nice
I could never explain ♪

♪ I like the way you hold my hand ♪

♪ It lets me know that you understand ♪

♪ I like the way you wanna kiss me ♪

♪ And I like the way you always miss me ♪

♪ I like the way, I like the way ♪

♪ I like the way you come around ♪

♪ And cheer me up whenever I'm down ♪

♪ I like the way you make me feel ♪

♪ The love we have is so very real... ♪