01x07 - International Creature Convention

[bunniefuu]

[marshaller] Ahh!

Human Resources is going global, baby.

International Creature Convention,
here we come!

ICC! The big ICC!

Oh, I can't wait to f*ck a bunch of randos

at a magical Radisson
in the sky above North Korea.

Ooh, Maury, will you write my
room number on my forehead in Sharpie

so everyone knows
where to find me and my holes?

Of course, Connie. What about you, Walter?

Are you excited for your annual f*ck
with Simon Sex?

No, my heart can't handle
these once-a-year flings with him.

I'm going Simon sexless this year.

Oh, damn. That's a sad way
to start this episode.

Ugh, what am I gonna do?

- [melodramatic music playing]
- I can't do this to Emmy.

[moaning] I can't do this to Emmy.

Seriously, I really can't do this to Emmy.
I'm sorry, but we have to stop.

[chuckling] Come on, Rochelle,
you don't want to stop.

I know, but it's over...

- [gasps]
- Hey, Rochelle, my trusted best friend.

So glad we get to be conference buddies
all weekend, right? Girl time!

Yeah! Your first conference.
It's gonna be great. [laughs nervously]

Oh, yeah, and thank God
Dante's not coming. [chuckles]

I mean, I've been in such a dark place
lately because of him.

- He really is the f*cking worst, right?
- Of course!

You still agree with that statement,
correct?

Yeah, he's the worst.
You should definitely not be with him.

Yeah, but not just me though, right?

'Cause nobody should be with him, right?

[nervously] Yeah, nobody.

Don't worry, I'm here. I'm here,
yes, with a brand-new fashion belt.

And I can't wait to judge all your
shameful dalliances from the sidelines.

Hey! There's nothing shameful

about tugging and chugging your way
through a parade of strangers.

Yeah, I already booked an appointment
to get my stomach pumped.

Remember to tell him beforehand
you want to keep the stuff that comes out.

Yeah, of course.

- ["Make Me Feel" by Janelle Monáe playing]
- ♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪

♪ That's just the way you make me feel
That's just the way you make me feel ♪

♪ So real, so good, so f*ck' real
So real, so good, so f*ck' real ♪

♪ That's just the way you make me feel
That's just the way you make me feel ♪

♪ It's like I'm powerful
With a little bit of tender ♪

♪ An emotional, sexual bender ♪

♪ Mess me up, yeah
But no one does it better ♪

♪ There's nothin' better ♪

♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪

[expectant music playing]

[alarm beeps]

Welcome to the
International Creature Convention.

Pick up your credentials here.

[tellers translating]

All right. Roomies.

Roomies! Fun!

We can stay up late
ripping into that shithead Dante,

who is riddled with chlamydia,
which I gave to him.

Walter, my love.
You look good enough to eat.

Well, you're gonna die hungry, boo,
because the kitchen is closed this year.

Hey, Simon Sex, you beautiful b*stard.
How are you?

[chuckles] Maury.
I'm all right, I'm all right.

- But what's wrong with Walter?
- He's protecting his fragile Lovebug heart

because he thinks all you care about
is his fragile Lovebug dong.

Well, that's not true.
I care about every part of Walter.

If I could,
I'd put them all in my a*s at once.

- You are a g*dd*mn poet, man.
- And you're a warrior, Maury. I love you.

- Hey, I love you, too, brother.
- Wow.

Well, I've gotta run. I'm getting a drink
with Philip f*ck before my seminar.

Philip f*ck? I love that guy.

Hey, Maury, I'm getting a text
from Martha at moveon.org.

- Want me to tell her you love her too?
- Sure, she sounds nice.

Ooh! Hey, let's go to the Sexpo.

I heard a guy in Iceland made a car
that runs on ej*cul*te, it's called...

- Toyota Cumry?
- Yeah, Cumry. Yeah, you guessed it.

Ooh, I wonder who's gonna win
The Dolly this year.

What's "the Dolly"?

The Dolly Parton award.

It is the most prestigious
humanitarian award a creature can get.

Yeah, it takes a big heart. And let me
tell you, big t*ts don't hurt either.

Rochelle, I, uh, have a feeling
this is your year.

Aw, Pete.
So you think I have big t*ts, huh?

[scoffs nervously]
No, I think they're very normal.

They're perfect. I mean,
I don't know what they look like.

- I only look at your face.
- Relax. I'm just f*cking with you.

Oh! [laughs nervously]

That's funny.

Um, hey, speaking of amusement,
we should get a drink before dinner?

All right. You're buying.

I'd love to buy. [chuckles nervously]
I have my debit card, traveler's checks.

You'll find I have many modes of payment.
And she's gone.

Hey! Watch out for Rochelle, dude.

Her heart is f*cking rotten.

And between you and me,
her t*ts are mostly bra.

[laughs] That's a good one, Emmy.

Uh, can you please let go?
You're hurting me.

Yeah, that's called pulling a Rochelle
'cause she's a hurter

and she's additionally also bad.

What's up, my fellow Shame-heads? [laughs]

[guest scoffing derisively]

Uh, hello, I'm Lionel from the US office.
Would you like to trade business cards?

Are you sure your name isn't

"Pathetic Loser
With a Hideous Braided Belt"?

No, it's Lionel.

[in Farsi] That guy is so lame.

[in English] Excuse me, barkeep? Hello?

[whistles] Hello? I know you can see me.

- Here, let me help you. Bartender!
- What would you like?

One Shamearita, please.

It's like a margarita, but the bartender
has to whisper something bad she did

into the cup before she gives it to you.

I stepped on my boyfriend's tiny dog.

And I'll have a tap water
in a piping hot glass.

Oh, straight out
of the dishwasher, please.

- You're not drinking?
- Oh, no.

No, I need my senses sharp so I can
judge others as cruelly as possible.

It is a work trip, after all.

- [sighs] That's too bad.
- [nervously] What is? What's bad?

Please don't turn away.

It's just... I've been watching you
and that magnificent belt.

You like it?
I bought it just for this conference.

- [chuckles]
- Well, if you're willing to take it off,

I was hoping we could ditch this stupid
mixer and get a little shameful ourselves.

Ditch the mixer?

And miss an exclusive opportunity
to network with industry thought leaders?

Listen, where I'm from, we have a saying,

"Life is short, so come upstairs
to my room and f*ck me."

Ooh, Lionel likey very muchy.

Mmm! Ah!

Let's entwine ourselves
like the braids of my brand-new belt.

- [shatters]
- [both] Yeah!

Sorry. I went too far. Sorry about that.

Roll up, roll up.
Jars of c*m from around the world.

Oh, my. What's this freaky little box do?

This is the Kickstand 3000.

It's a VR experience where you can feel
what it's like to be inside a b*ner.

T-shirts! Get your T-shirts!
We got Mickey Mouse with t*ts.

We got Homer Simpson
titty-f*cking a Bart Simpson.

I will take 500
of Pikachu rimming Eeyore, please.

Hey, amigo, amigo,
since you're getting so many T-shirts,

I'll throw in a free key chain, eh?

Hey, thanks a lot, man. I love you.

What is your deal? Why are you telling
everyone "I love you" all of a sudden?

I don't know,
I guess I'm just an affectionate guy.

Well, you never said it to me.

Well, 'cause it'd be
f*ck' weird to say it to you.

And, besides,
you've never said it to me either.

- Well, I don't want to say it.
- Well, I'm not gonna say it if you don't.

If it's so important to you,
I'll say it, but you first.

- We'll do it at the same time.
- Fine. Should we do it right now?

Eww, no!

I think maybe
we should be alone for our first time.

Yes, that seems best.

Spunk Tank. Take a dip in the Spunk Tank.

Ladies and gentlemen,
remember, this is for charity.

Simon Sex, what is more important
to the human experience, love or lust?

Well, I'm a Hormone Monster, baby.

And I've gotta say
lust makes the world go round.

It starts in your toes,
and crinkles up your nose,

and meets in the middle
where your genital grows.

Ugh, of course that's what you think.

Ooh, Walter, care to expand
on your rude comment?

You know, I've just found
that love is nurturing and eternal,

while lust is cheap
and disappears after a nice fat O.

Kind of weird to imagine
Walter having a nice fat O.

- No, it's not. I do it all the time.
- [phone dings]

What the f*ck?

- [romantic music plays]
- Oh, sh*t.

Um, I... I gotta go pee.

Walter, my darling, you assume that love
and lust must be mutually exclusive.

Why can't there be both?

You're saying
there might be love with the lust?

I'm saying
there might be lust with the love.

Mmm-hmm.

You know when love and lust work together...

Wrapping themselves around one another...

...into a flesh pretzel.

God, I've missed you.

- [loud crash]
- [audience exclaiming]

Dante, what are you doing here?
We said we were done.

You said that.

I made myself clear.
I can't keep having sex with you.

It's not about the earth-shattering,
duvet-soaking sex.

- It's not?
- No, no, no. I'm here because I love you.

What? No... No, you don't.

I do. I have never felt like this.

It... It's better
than 150 grams of ketamine.

And if you don't know drugs, that's a lot.

I mean, that could
put down a f*ck' horse.

Oh, sh*t. Emmy's coming.

- You gotta hide.
- [grunts]

[chuckles] All right,
but at this latitude,

it is gonna take
every ounce of my strength

not to bury my face
in your magnificent place.

Okay. Stay strong, I guess?

- Hey, bestie. See you up in the room?
- Yup! You got it.

[Dante] Oh, someone's EpiPen
is down here. Aiiee!

Oh! Sorry?

I said, "IIII can't wait
to see you for drinks later!"

Well, IIII am going
to the business center

to print out my boarding pass
for the return flight.

But, uh, I'll see you at the bar.

Oh, f*ck me.

Okay, but I'd rather make love to you.
I mean, for many, many hours.

- Think Sting without a deadline.
- Uh... Oh, God.

[both moaning]

I'm Asha, by the way.

Oh, yes. I'm Lionel.

Nobody asked you, you pig!

Excuse me? I... I just thought we were...

You thought wrong.
Now, take off your cloak, you rat-f*ck.

Should I take it off sexy
like I'm at the doctor or...

Stop! Float there naked.

- Ooh! What? What's so funny?
- [laughing]

You. Your legs look like they're decaying.

Your d*ck looks like it's made of dust.

And the rest of you
makes me f*cking nauseous.

Um... I'm sorry, what? Sorry?

Get over here, and bring that chewed-up
piece of sh*t d*ck with you.

Oh, I get it!
This is, like, your thing, isn't it?

Shame and sex mixed together.

Oh, how very exhilarating!

Now, apologize
for looking in my direction.

Oh, I'm... I'm... I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for looking at you, Asha.

- [grunting]
- [Asha moaning]

- Yes, keep going.
- You disgust me!

Belittle me some more,
you gorgeous maniac.

Don't tell me what to do.

[in Luo] Piece of sh*t.

[in English] Yes! Yes! I'm that... that...
that word you said.

God, I've never felt so alive.
Step on my dusty little d*ck!

- [door opens]
- Oh, sh*t! Arsalan.

Lionel. My name's Lionel.
But, you know, go on.

- Go on, you can call me whatever you like.
- [whispers] No! My husband, Arsalan.

[anxiously] You're married?
Oh, God. Oh, God.

Shut the f*ck up and hide under the bed
like the c*m stain you are.

- Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm in love with you.
- [door closing]

It's cold in here. Are you...
Are you finding it cold in here?

I don't wanna be
too cold when I say it, so...

Just say it. Jesus.
It doesn't have to be such a big deal.

[sighs] I love you, Connie.

I love you, Maury.

Oof. Okay. That wasn't so bad.

Yeah. It was kind of nice to say.

So, what now?

Should we, I don't know, make love?

Sure thing, lover.

[romantic music swelling]

- [music stops suddenly]
- That was...

- Not good.
- ...very bad.

I... love you?

Ew, ew, stop. That's nasty, stop.

Yeah, it felt weird immediately
coming out of my mouth. I'm sorry.

Walter? Where's Walter?
I need to talk to him.

Walter's in the bathroom.

He seems to be listening to
a Mariah Carey album from start to finish.

And I'm just not comfortable
interrupting that.

I'm a total as*h*le!

I've been involved with this guy Dante

that my best friend
was just hooking up with

and I've been keeping it from her!

- wh*re!
- [dejectedly] I know!

How could you do this to Emmy?

I just can't help myself!

I tried to break it off with him,

but then he came here,
and he told me he loves me, and...

- What if I love him too?
- Oh! Well, that would change everything.

- It would?
- Simon, honey, should we sing about it?

What are we waiting for?

[upbeat music playing]

♪ So you've been sexing
With your best friend's lover ♪

♪ Well, girl, you got to know
This unwritten rule ♪

There's a rule?

♪ If it's love that you feel
You got a right to make it real ♪

♪ But if it's only f*cking ♪

- ♪ That sh*t ain't cool ♪
- Oh.

♪ You see, it's all about your motivation
Are you a Jezebel or Juliet? ♪

Well, neither.

♪ Does he fill your heart
With excitation? ♪

♪ Or does he only make your panties wet? ♪

What are you saying?

- ♪ Are you in love? ♪
- Me?

- ♪ Or just an as*h*le? ♪
- Maybe.

♪ You've got to make up your mind
And commit ♪

Like now?

♪ Do you feel it in your soul?
Are you half of a whole? ♪

♪ Or just a horny, selfish
Double-crossing ♪

♪ Sex-crazed piece of sh*t? ♪

Okay. Okay, I get it. Let me think.

♪ We share
A deeply satisfying connection ♪

♪ Do you just mean how nice
He fits in your box? ♪

Yes! No.

♪ He gives me warm, strong waves
Of affection ♪

♪ Like when you're riding
On his three sweet c*ck? ♪

Well that too, but...

♪ Do you cuddle and coo
When the sex is through? ♪

♪ Or get your rocks off
And you're out the door? ♪

♪ I like to cuddle ♪

- ♪ You want to be there when he's needy ♪
- Yes!

- ♪ His savior and his sweetie ♪
- Yes!

♪ Or just his
Late-night booty call wh*re? ♪

No offense.

- ♪ Am in love? ♪
- ♪ Are you in love? ♪

- ♪ Or just an as*h*le? ♪
- ♪ Could be an as*h*le ♪

♪ Is the passion in my heart or my cl*t? ♪

♪ In your cl*t ♪

♪ Am I righteous and true?
A lovestruck ingénue? ♪

♪ Or just a vile, disgusting
Friend-betraying lowlife piece of sh*t? ♪

♪ Am I in love? ♪

♪ Or just an as*h*le? ♪

♪ Could be in love ♪

♪ Are you just an as*h*le? ♪

♪ I think I'm in love ♪

I'm in love.

Yeah, I do love him. Thank you!

So, what about us?
Is it love or are you an as*h*le, honey?

Baby, I'm in love

with your as*h*le.

[yelps] Okay!

- [door opens]
- Hey, I'm glad you're here.

Can we talk for a second?

Okay...

[sighs] I kissed Dante at Doug's wedding,

and we've been
more-than-kissing since then,

and I'm so, so, so,
so sorry I kept it from you.

[sarcastically] Oh, okay. Wow.

Finally, she admits it
after 24 and a half days.

I'm sorry. I really am.

Oh, my God, you're such an as*h*le.

No, I'm not, 'cause here's the thing.

I... I love him, and he loves me.

- What? That's a million times worse!
- [anxiously] No! No, it's better.

Maybe for you,
but it makes me feel like sh*t.

I mean, you're basically
telling me that Dante loves you

when he never gave a f*ck about me.

No, that's not...

And the fact
that you thought telling me that

would make me feel better
about what you did just shows

how f*cking self-centered you are.

- Emmy, please. I...
- You know what? f*ck you, Rochelle.

I hope you enjoy my chlamydia.
It's quite the strain.

- [door slams]
- Oof.

Look at this room! It is a mess!

[Asha] I am not going
to put my clothes in a wardrobe!

We're only here for two days!

[Arsalan] Oink, oink!
You should sleep outside

like the hog that you are!

- [slap]
- [Arsalan] Oh, you're gonna slap me?

Well, I'm gonna slap you! [slaps]

- [Lionel] Oh, he's a monster! Oh!
- [both slapping]

- [Asha sobs] I hate you so much!
- [Arsalan] Well, you're stuck with me.

"Till death do us part."
Remember that bit?

- Now clean up this g*dd*mn room!
- [door slams]

- [Asha sobbing]
- [Lionel grunts]

Oh, that was horrible!

Do you think we should
clean up the room like he said?

[crying] I don't know what to do.

I feel so trapped.

Well, well, okay. Let's see.

Oh! Here's a pitch.
Why don't we run away together?

Arsalan would rather k*ll me
than let me leave. I wish he were dead.

Oh, well, okay,
does he have any, uh, chronic illnesses?

Unfortunately, he's in perfect health.

Oh, well. Well, there you go.
I guess we're stuck.

[seductively] Unless someone
takes matters into their own hands.

Yes. Uh, what?
You mean like, uh, m*rder him?

Oh, my God! You would do that for me?

Oh! I suppose, uh...

[nervously] Yes? I'll k*ll your husband?

I love it.

- It's reprehensible.
- It's dastardly.

It's repugnant.

I guess m*rder's not such a big deal.
It's just, uh...

You know, it's just...

What is it?
It's just taking a life, isn't it?

- Shut up and kiss me!
- Oh, right.

[both moaning]

- Hey, is your friend running late?
- Oh, only one hour and 17 minutes.

So... you maybe wanna give up your table?
There's kind of a line.

Yeah, buddy. We will blow you if
it'll get you out of that f*cking booth.

Um, I'll just take the check.

- Hey.
- I love you.

- Really?
- I do, yes!

I've thought about it and I love you.

Oh, Rochelle, that makes me happier than...
than hour five of an ayahuasca trip.

- And if you don't know ayahuasca...
- Let me guess, it's the best part?

It really is.

Ugh, you're a poet and a warrior, Dante.

Ooh! Get in here.

[both moaning]

They should make a drink called,
"Backstabbing wh*re on the Beach."

[chuckling]

- I know somebody who would love that.
- Maybe you've had enough.

Oh, my God,
you're trying to take care of me?

[laughs] Are you into me?

No, nope. Not at all.

[suggestively] Oh, no!
That makes horny baby Emmy so sad.

Okay, you should drink some water.

How about I drink that d*ck instead,
Dr. Responsibility?

No, thank you.

[melodramatic music playing]

Shall I just push him over the ledge?
Seems rather easy at the moment.

I could just rush him like a hippopotamus.

No! A long fall is painless.
Too good for him. Use this instead.

Oh! A firearm.

[suggestively] Oh, it's so sinister,

murdering your husband
right in front of you.

Ooh, Lionel, I could steam broccoli
with my crotch right now.

Oh, my naughty little Instant Pot...

Oh! Hello... [chuckling]

[excitedly] Now, go! m*rder my husband!

Yes, your kiss is my demand.

[suspenseful music playing]

Well, well, well, if it isn't
my conference-long enemy, Arsalan!

Who the f*ck are you?

- [c*ck g*n] I'm your worst nightmare.
- What?

I'm a wizard with a firearm
who's making love to your wife.

Ha-ha-ha! You're gonna sh**t me,
you f*cking weirdo?

- You don't have the ba*ls and you don't...
- [g*n fires]

Ahh!

- [whimpers]
- You did it! My hero!

Oh, I did! That was thrilling! Ah!

[nervously] Was it too heavy-handed
when I said, "your worst nightmare"?

I thought it really added some gravitas.

Oh, why thank you, Arsalan.
Arsalan! How did you...

Bulletproof vest, you dumb as*h*le.

Ooh! Say goodnight, Lionel.

[Lionel grunts]

Everything's weird now.

I know! Now that we said "I love you,"

I don't want to destroy your a*s,
I want to protect it.

Damn it, Connie,
I knew this would ruin everything.

Maybe we wouldn't have this problem

if you weren't saying the L word
to every damn monster in the whole hotel!

- Oh! Okay, here it comes. The blame game.
- I am blaming you 'cause it's your fault!

You pressured me to say it
and now you're mad at me?

- You said it and then you f*cked me bad!
- No, you f*cked me bad!

- I hate you!
- I hate you too!

[both yelling]

[both sighing contentedly]

I guess the trick is to show you that
I love you by f*cking you like I hate you.

Oh, Maury, that's beautiful.

Man, we really
did a number on this room, huh?

Hi, housekeeping? Would it be possible
for you to blindfold a housekeeper

and send her up with a flamethrower?

Oh, excuse me, send "him" up.
Yeah, I stand corrected.

Well, it's a male housekeeper.

[Lionel groaning]

- What is this? Where am I?
- [Arsalan] You deceitful b*stard.

You actually thought you were
going to m*rder me and steal my wife?

Actually, yes.
I was, uh, really excited about it.

Look at how humiliated he is.

What a desperate loser.

Let's make ravenous love
in front of him, darling.

Oh, I get it. I get it. Yes.

Yes, I'm a pawn
in your shameful sexual chess game.

- Yes, tell us how repulsive we are!
- Yeah, we are sick!

- You're positively demented!
- [Arsalan] Mmm, yes.

You're truly unwell!

All three of us, each one more
disgusting and shameful than the next.

An unholy trinity of sickos
engaging in a perverted ménage à shame.

Indeed! Hurt me, lover.

Ahh! Now you hurt me!

- With pleasure!
- [slaps lightly]

I said hurt me, not tickle me!

- Oh, okay! Lookie what I found.
- Be careful with that.

Shut up, you wretched cuckold!

- [Asha] Lionel...
- [laughing] I'm gonna k*ll him again!

[both screaming]

Oh, sh*t! I thought you were
still wearing the vest!

Why the f*ck
would he still be wearing the vest?

I don't know!

It stings!
It's so much worse than you imagine.

- [Asha] No! No, no, no!
- I'm dying!

Lionel, come,
help me put pressure on that wound.

Well, actually,
I think I'm gonna skedaddle.

[sighs] I'm not seeing my belt anywhere.

- [sobbing] Lionel, please! He's dying!
- [Arsalan groaning]

Yeah, right. Bye!

[jazz music playing]

And this year's winner
of the Global Creamathon is...

The Mexico City office.

- [crowd applauding]
- Hey! All right!

Good for them, I love those guys.
I f*cking hate you, though.

Aw! Tell you what, I'm gonna give you
a hand job under the table.

And I'm gonna put
both my thumbs in your butt.

- I'm gonna need you to shift to the left.
- [exclaims]

[drunkenly] Hey, waiter lady.
Two more Bloody Marys.

And FYI, your ice cream sucks.

That is butter, ma'am.

Okay, cool.

Is she okay?

That's the friend that Rochelle
was "not an as*h*le to."

Oh, dear.

And now to present the Dolly Parton award.

Please welcome Vladimir,

the fellating Hormone Monster.

- Go, Vlad, go!
- You're a shoo-in for this one, babe.

You know, usually when I open envelope,
is money for fellating p*nis.

[all laughing]

The winner is

Rochelle Hillhurst!

- Come here, I'm f*cking proud of you.
- [guest] Go, Rochelle!

Boo! Boo! Okay, don't clap for her.

What do you think, audience?
Should I give it to girl or fellate it?

[all chanting] Fellate it!

- [crowd laughing]
- Just kidding. Congratulations, honey.

Wow! I don't know what to say.

Say you're a lying, two-faced sl*t
and a shitty friend.

- Hey, Emmy, calm down.
- Yeah!

No, I'm not gonna calm down, Pete.
She's f*cking Dante.

What? Rochelle and Dante?

Okay. Looks like somebody
took open bar as a challenge.

- [crowd laughs]
- You're such a smug b*tch!

[crowd gasps]

Emmy, sit down,
you're making a fool of yourself.

Oh, yeah, that's right!

'Cause I'm the fool
and you're the perfect one!

- That's not what I said.
- But it's what you think!

You always thought that,

and now you're getting this stupid award,
but heads up, you guys!

[loudly] Rochelle doesn't love anything
but her own greedy p*ssy.

Emmy, stop it.

You can shut
all your three dickholes, b*tch!

And speaking of b*tches,
you're the bitchiest b*tch of them all!

Hey, it's not my fault I'm successful
and you're a world-class f*ck-up!

- [crowd gasps]
- [Emmy growls]

I f*cking hate you, Rochelle,
and I hate this conference,

and I hate Maury and Connie
jerking each other off under the table!

All right,
we got a shout-out in her tirade!

[drunkenly] And I hate
how this room suddenly got...

[groans] ...very spinny.

Emmy! Honey, honey, you're getting
very hate-wormy. Are you okay?

What, a woman can't speak her mind
without being "unwell"?

[vomiting]

- [guest 1] f*cking disgusting!
- [guest 2] On my f*cking t*ts!

[guest 3] Oh, God!

Actually, yeah, I don't feel that great.

Goodbye, my love!
Thank you for a beautiful weekend.

We'll always have the Radisson
in the sky above North Korea, my darling.

Psst. Hey, I heard
you f*ck' k*lled someone last night.

No, no, no, he's gonna live,
but I am down one braided fashion belt.

[sighs]

I mean, logically, I can't be upset
about Rochelle and Dante.

We weren't together
and Rochelle has autonomy.

Pete, shut the f*ck up.

You're allowed
to be upset and feel things.

Well, no offense, Emmy,

but you're not the best
brand ambassador for feeling things.

I think it's better
to bury all my emotions deep down.

I wish I could do that.

[sighing]

What's up, Maury? That's your fourth sigh
in two minutes. Spit it out.

Nothing! I'm just really, really

not in love with you.

Well, good. Let's keep it that way.

Okay.

["Eternelle" by Brigitte Fontaine
playing in French]