01x19 - The Company Takeover

[bunniefuu]

the 30 minutes late what time did you

tell the other club members to be here

Reggie I stuck a gnome their school

lockers that said 4 o'clock sharp did

you say today I knew I forgot something

well at least read the minutes of the

last meeting Vicki the last meeting

started at 403 and broke up at 404 when

the president said let's collect jeez

I've got to be going what's the rush I

had to stop by our pharmacy to pick up a

prescription for my mother she's

pregnant

she's going to have a baby you're

kidding well it's either that or she

swallowed a basketball you do know how

that stuff our babies are made don't you

of course I do except for a few minor

details such as what if I knew they

wouldn't be minor I know how babies are

made you do Vicki yes first a bee stings

the father then the bee stings the

mother then they call in a stroke who

delivers the baby say what Vicki who

told you a dumb story like that your

father dad you don't think your father

really believes that stuff do you of

course not but if he does he's in a lot

of trouble I think I better have a talk

with him and check it out hi everybody

hi Harriet Harriet why I can hear clear

room

what are you doing Vicky we were talking

about making babies you mean like when a

mommy gets you know pregnant my father

might hear us I'm not supposed to say

that word let alone talk about it

talking is not the way you get pregnant

how do you get that way first a bee

stings the father then the bee stings

the mother then they fall in a stork who

delivers the baby me huh

oh I like that a lot better a girl at

school told me got a girl could get

pregnant from kissing a boy Ron Jamie's

mother kisses his father all the time

and she doesn't look like she swallowed

a basketball through the hole pick up a

thread pull it through yeah you got the

idea Vicky got the idea here you give it

a try it takes all practice to get the

hang of it it takes a lot of practice

Vicki nobody likes to show off robots

tyranny mm-hmm you can't get pregnant

that way

has she been watching dr. Roth on cable

TV

who knows where she picks things um how

was your day honey terrible I even

stopped to look at a house for sale on

the other side of town because Brandon

Brenda lives way over here oh honey

ever since he became head of our

department he's been insufferable and

cheap he stalked me for lunch again

today honey he's the guy who invented

going to the restroom and the check

arrives close in there I calculated

because honey's no smarter now than he

was before thanks Vicki go to your

cabinet go to my cabinet go to my

cabinet you always say that when you

can't think of something better

I think our robot needs a little slap on

her plastic tush

[Music]

good afternoon

I Brandon come in this is not going to

be a pleasant social visit

we know what's wrong my wife Bonnie and

I are very very very upset with you I'm

referring to what your Vicki told our

sweet little parrot what did Vicki tell

Harriet about six well Brandon if you're

spelling that for me I already know

about it

what exactly did Vicki tell her about

having babies Oh Vicki told Harriet that

a woman gets pregnant from being stung

by a bee you mean that's not the way it

happens

Brandon I can't imagine where Vicki

would have gotten a strange idea like

that huh what can you tell beats me

we'll think you obviously learned it

from somebody around here now the

question is just what do you propose

that I do about Harriet oh I guess you'd

start by keeping her away from bees

that's not funny my little Harriet is

only eight years old and now because of

your daughter I'm gonna have to talk to

her about sex I don't even talk to my

wife about it we leave notes for each

other in the bathroom mirror do you

think Vicki could have picked up that

bee story from Jamie well it's close she

picked it up from Jamie's father you

told her that I got it straight from a

pregnant parrot come on Ted why would

you program Vicki with a ridiculous

story like that well honey she's

supposed to be a ten-year-old kid I

figured she should know something about

the subject and when I was 10 that's

what I thought

hi I am dad we have to talk

would you mind if we went into the

living room mom it's kind of man-to-man

stuff

no dear you go right ahead thanks mom

thanks mom

[Laughter]

this won't take long

dad got all the time you need Jaime

what's on your mind well this is kinda

hard for me but I'd like to talk to you

about how babies are made

Jaime that's nothing to be embarrassed

about I'm not

and then you how do they make babies

how how how not well how they of course

I know all right I guess it's time Jaime

Jaime you see a man and a woman they

what they do is they they they talk it

over and then the bee stings the man the

bee stings the woman then they have a

baby I think I hear your mother call

he's been really nice having this talk

with you Jamie amazing that's what he

really thinks and how in the heck did

they ever have me scx

what did you tell him oh well I uh told

him the same thing I told Vickie oh well

they caught me off guard it was so

sudden I I didn't know what else to say

you can't let him go around thinking

that you know what will happen what

he'll grow up to be like his father

you really gotta tell him the truth

yeah but how much of the truth well why

don't you go by the library and pick up

one of those books that they use for

children help it's fine at all that's a

good idea

that's what I'll do you might even pick

up a few pointers yourself

[Music]

I can't get over it my dad must really

believe that story about the bees it's

embarrassing are you sure he wasn't just

kidding you know my dad doesn't have

much humor well these days people age

fast maybe his mind is going and you

forgot some day I've got to tell him the

real facts of life

but the problem is will he believe in 11

year old kid hey I've got an idea

they've got these books I tell you all

about things like that

you mean Playboy and penthouse no the

kind of books that parents get from the

library hey Shirley kids did you ever

see one I didn't have to I've got older

brother with the big mouth hey I've got

an idea - yeah I bet it'll work what's

that well you see since my dad program

Vicky was the wrong facts of life I

could program her with the right facts

of life so she can tell them what do you

mean program Vicky Oh

I mean she's into all that computer

stuff you could even say she's got

microchips for brain well your ideas

worth a try your dad sure can go through

life this way yeah I gotta make him

understand that if you step on a be the

only thing that swells up is your foot

oh I was just wondering Lerner do you

folks is there anything you want me to

say yeah yeah yeah tell him not to worry

about what that I'm gonna strangle

Brandon brindle but no jury on earth

would convict me obviously a mercy

k*lling what did he do now he moved me

out of my nice big comfortable office in

the one about the size of a filing

cabinet it doesn't even have a window

just a crack in the wall with a green

thing growing out of it well isn't it

obvious

to get back at me for what Vickie said

to Harriet about SES I mean I'm sure

it's just temporary oh well by the way

did you get a chance to look into that

book that we talked about yesterday for

Jamie yeah honey I had no idea the

library had so many books about how to

tell a kid the facts of life they even

have one where things pop out it you

ever come face-to-face with a cross-eyed

chromosome in 3d it scared me I screamed

out loud they asked me to leave the

library

oh honey Jamie's in his room now why

don't you go have that talk with him

I'll do it tomorrow first things first

I'm gonna write that idiot brindle a

letter and let him know what I really

think about him I want to do it while

I'm still hot tip that wise no but it's

so sad is fine okay how does this sound

may all the cholesterol in your veins

find a home and your fat head

oh how the socks coming Vikki I finished

when I ready oh good let me see it these

songs were supposed to be for Ted not

Kareem abdul-jabbar oh honey I what's

this it's a sock that Vicki made for you

Oh looks like a turtleneck sweater for a

snake why don't you give it to Brandon

honey you know that letter I wrote to

Brandon yesterday yeah well this morning

I dropped it off in the corner mailbox I

was hoping you wouldn't I wish I hadn't

after I got to work I found out why

Brandon moved me into that closet why

the company president is having my

office redecorated as a surprise for my

fifth anniversary with the firm oh no oh

no I could kick myself I could help you

I could help of you my only hope is that

the mailman hasn't picked up the mail

yet from that corner mailbox Oh what's

his name would you call the post office

and find out what their pickup schedule

is maybe I lucked out I wish I could get

that letter from the box but fast get

that letter from the box but fast I

don't think it'll work honey once your

mail a letter they don't give it back

they deliver it at least it gives you a

50-50 chance wait a min the Postal

Service either they deliver it or they

lose it hope they keep their record

intact

Ted why don't you apologize to Brandon

in advance and then he'll forgive you

are you kidding

he still hasn't forgiven his baby doctor

for slapping his face by mistake no

that's probably brindle now all right I

stand behind everything I said in that

letter in fact you ought to thank me for

some of the things I left out oh no

that's not what I meant Vicki

now you tell me let me look at the

schedule they picked up the mail this

morning no well I better take this back

before they pick me up here if you think

it

[Music]

[Applause]

open your eyes Nicki good morning good

morning come on out we got work to do

but first clean up my room and make my

bed no a robot doesn't say no it does

when your mother tells it to say no

right well there's something else you

can do for me

you see it's Saturday so my dad's home

this morning then I'm gonna tell you the

real facts of life and you're gonna tell

them to him I already know them the bee

stings the man and then the back

that's the sir kindergarten or my father

forget all that now listen carefully

this is really gonna open your circuits

[Laughter]

we got our morning mail dumb dumb dumb

you know what that means letter from

Jack win mm-hmm

means that Brendel got his mail to my

letter was probably in it do you think

he'd believe April Fool a little early

oh hi Brandon there how are you angry no

serious oh I am so teed off

I could k*ll tail it's for you morning

Brandon this letter that I just got is

the virus the most contemptible vicious

piece of character assassination I've

ever read I know Brandon but personally

well this should be horsewhipped

Brandon I think the person who wrote the

letter feels just terrible about it I

don't know to give you some idea the

mentality of this sleazeball he didn't

even have the nerve to save it I know

Brandon BAE what achieve yourself honey

the sleazeball didn't sign it obviously

a lucky sleazeball I can't show this

letter to my wife she puts me on such a

pedestal you know

I'm sure normally we share everything we

never hide anything from each other of

course we get undressed in the dark

Brandon why are you showing this letter

to Ted what key knows everybody at work

can you think of anybody who hates me Oh

Brandon I think most of people at work

think of you the same way I do

gosh tib that's awful nice to hear yeah

so Brandon why don't you let me get rid

of that nasty letter I mean we don't

want Bonnie to see this even by accident

do it

that's a good idea Ted I always knew you

were a real friend huh no matter what

Bobby says are you sure you got

everything I told you Becky all the

information is in my memory bank good

now go into the kitchen and tell my dad

you want to talk to him and don't take

no for an answer well honey I hope you

learned your lesson about poison-pen

letters I sure have

never sign them I guess I was so upset I

forgot to I have to have a talk with you

yeah well not now Vicki after after I'm

finished eating now

[Laughter]

Vicki would you be careful my arm

doesn't screw off like yours does

alright Vicki what do you want you have

to learn the real facts of life your B

story is for the birds

oh is that right yes this is the way it

really happens and that's not that's

enough Vicki see that's an awful lot to

absorb at one time it came from now when

I get through with your memory bank no

doubt you uh you heard that from Jamie

no doubt oh nothing

where'd you go ahead talk with Jamie oh

it's not necessary honey he's set for

life

I hear you what do you want here you I

have to talk to Vicky

it's very important oh okay Vicky door I

think you want to know that my father

told me the real facts about babies have

to do with salmon swimming upstream to

lay eggs I'm set for life

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

she's my small one dude lovely and

bright and soft words she's a small girl

a childlike

she's a miracle and I grant you chili

chained you to a new site she's not

small one

[Music]

[Applause]