02x02 - Money, Money, Money

[bunniefuu]

Intro

[Music]

hi Jessica mind if I sit down

not at all see you I thought maybe we

could talk what for maybe we can have a

relationship I think we have a lot in

common I can never be back okay then how

about just a date without a relationship

Jamie we've been through this before

yeah I know but that was last term in

grade school this is junior high I'm not

the same man I've matured wanna see the

hair on my toes no thanks well you can

take my word for it and how about that

date and just what would we do on our

dates Oh

like go for a chili dog and then I'd

walk you home I even stand downwind so

you couldn't smell the onions on my

breath

forget it Jamie I'm not a chili dog kind

of a girl I don't know I think you're

pretty hot stuff

you're cute Jamie it takes a lot more

than chili dogs to date me try getting

your bank account matures boy it's any

higher it'll be in orbit area what are

you doing here well yours was just a

couple of blocks mine so I thought maybe

we could have an intimate little lunch

together no way Harriet if anyone saw me

having lunch with a grade school kid

there goes my reputation I'll be dead in

the water I don't know why you're so

hung up on Jessica all she's got is long

blonde hair a great big he runs a

beautiful face what else is there how

about a date I love silly die

now Harriet I don't think it would be

right for both the food and the date to

give me heartburn I thought you liked

warning right oh my god over him he's

not my time comes for now I'd better go

I hate seeing Jamie how do you do it

you've got girls hanging all over you

here he isn't a girl she's a mouth with

pigtails girls never even give me a

second glance what about brandy Ross I

saw you dancing with her last week at

that costume party sure cuz she didn't

know who I was when I took my

Frankenstein mask off she screamed he

can't have everything Warren and missed

you the smartest kid in class that's a

given but I trade on a whole semester of

age for just one night a wild passion

[Laughter]

Budget

[Music]

yeah I need Vikki to help me with dinner

just a minute honey this is really

important okay Vicki about-face oh I

wish you wouldn't do that

Oh Vicki turn your body around to honey

remember we were talking about how we

were gonna be able to finance Jamie's

college education how can I forget it's

gonna cost us a fortune yeah let's hope

that one day he'll graduate make a lot

of money and buy us all the things we

couldn't afford cuz we sent him to

college let's stick it to that Lowell

freeloader

yeah I fed all of our expense

information into her computer and she's

figuring out how much we can spend on

each item and how you doing Vicki I

process the information and the weekly

budget is now ready

oh and Joanie whatever Vicki says goes

she's the boss I'm the boss okay hi hi

honey

yeah I was wondering if I could have a

raise in my allowance I have take that

up with a boss you know okay what do you

say mom no any wrong boss asked Vicki

Vicki yeah we're on a budget now and

she's in charge of it okay so how much

is my allowance Vicki your allowance is

the same three dollars a week yeah but

I'm gonna need a little more your

allowance is three dollars a week it's

still three dollars a week

sorry Jamie but nothing is more

important than your college education

and we're all gonna have to make some

sacrifices College is six years away

what am I gonna do about my expenses

nothing man junior high

well what expenses you know books papers

pencils Jessica Jessica is the girl in

grade school who dumped on him and

squashed a tomato in his face the good

ol days

he's Jamie I thought you were over her

me too dad but I think about her all the

time

yesterday I even saw her face in my

cereal she snapped crackled and popped

her way back into my heart even

beautiful when she saw be huh

yeah but she won't go out with me unless

I spend a lot of money on her honey

that's what it takes you're better off

without her you can't buy love on three

dollars a week maybe you can rent it

sorry Jamie but we're gonna have to make

this budget work and it's gonna have to

be a team effort do I have a choice no

I'm the boss that's right but if there

is a real problem there is an emergency

fund of $200 $200 where are you keeping

it dad I mean not that I better not wait

you couldn't you see I programmed Vicky

to hide it and even I don't know where

it is we can't get it unless Vicky

computes and it's a real emergency and

Vicky what happens if somebody tries to

get that information out of you

[Applause]

Warren

[Music]

Jimmy got a second

oh sure Warren but make it quick I got

some heavy breathing to do with Jessica

well after watching you in action

yesterday I got an idea how about you

giving me some pointers on how to get

girls to like me

what do you say pal gee Warren I'm sorry

but I don't have the time I'm just too

busy I'll pay you a lot of money but

never too busy for a pal how much money

do you have 100 dollars a few hundred

what'd you do give up stamp collecting

for mugging

oh no I saved it up for my allowance and

birthday gift some stuff like that since

nobody likes me I don't have anyone to

spend it on you see I'm not really this

chubby part of its a money belt well

Warren my pal your trouble life is about

to change

tell you what I'm gonna do I'm gonna let

you follow me around on my date so you

can observe the master at work

Wow and you know what I'm not even gonna

take a cent of your money you're kidding

you need a gonna teach me for free on

the kindness of your heart right and all

you have to do is pick up my expensive

out of the kindness of your mini belt

what a guy

well this way it's more humane just sit

right here and watch the big Jay in

action lesson number one how to get a

date I'll take notes keep your ears open

ears open and watch closely and watch

you don't have to write down everything

I think I don't have can I use that

water money for a second sure what for

is Jessica's favorite color is green

Jessica can I speak to you for a second

it's very important well okay just come

by sweet today is your lucky day you're

moving to another city but I moved away

how could we keep our date on Saturday

Jamie why are you wasting your time you

know my requirement yes I do and that's

why I'm requiring you for dinner at La

Petite Maison Jamie you don't have the

money for that kind of place oh my dog

oh wait a minute

knowing you that's probably monopoly

money if it is I pass go and stop that

loaded see for yourself

it's the real stuff all right you always

were my favorite genie

[Laughter]

bye cutie pie are you doing Vicky I've

Vicky

scanned the entire book and fired the

recipes in my memory bank wonderful

you're the cutest little recipe box in

the world - who I Harriet - Jamie please

oh well I'm afraid he's getting dressed

honey he's got a big date tonight

I know what Jessica she's pretty but

he's trouble

what do you say me a message for me

please I'm sure what then I may be

harder to look at I'd be easier on his

heart

Dylan oh one more message well of course

dear what is it was Harriet's problem

Jamie heck hath no fury like a woman

scorned

oh honey 18 holes of golf without a cart

or a caddy nothing about my sagging

shoulders and what's left of my legs our

new budget is k*lling me think about how

much money you saved well just that much

closer to having the money for Jaime's

College not if we have to spend it on my

funeral we're doing our part to see

budget cooking mm-hmm what's that funny

smell dinner it's cabbage they're 12

different things you can do with cabbage

I think you forgot one honey disposal I

hate cabbage give it a chance tonight

I'm making cabbage all a mustard I'd

rather eat my golf shoes all a mustard

okay that does it

our son is eating out tonight at a fancy

French restaurant

and we're having cabbage 12 different

way

I think we should go out for a change

and we'll use the emergency fund where'd

you hide it Vicky I'm programmed not to

give you that information I'm aware of

that I'm the one who programmed you this

is an emergency I'll be the judge of

that

Vicky it's very important that we go out

to dinner tonight

going out to dinner does not compute as

an emergency don't get smart with me I

built you I can take you right apart

again get the message the message is

[Applause]

don't sit there help me Jamie a cartoon

Vicki it would be nice if we went to

dinner out if we don't we will starve to

death

you can't starve there's a lot of

cabbage in the kitchen I don't want

cabbage when I got money a little bucket

of bolts

[Applause]

Monsieur

[Music]

hello may I help you yes I have a

reservation for two mr. Lawson

you I'll miss your Lawson that's me but

I'm not mrs. Lawson well we usually

don't have customers of such tender age

actually we have asparagus older than

you let me ask you Monsieur are you

intend to pay for this with your parents

credit card

perhaps no I've got a ton of cash - oh

yes I remember it well this service mat

was it

[Laughter]

[Music]

[Music]

[Laughter]

don't you just love these little places

it's like being back in France I know

what you mean did you say you spoke the

language see the menu for me it's in

French it is when oh I'll excuse me I

have to wash my hands

ah Monsieur is this young man tells me

he's with you yeah my chauffeur your

chauffeur could you please tell me what

is Bren a while right if you mean

probably it means a frog legs do you

have anything on the menu they can't get

up and walk off the place

where did you leave everything to me I

will take very good care of you I was

just gonna suggest that pretty smooth

huh

Dinner

[Music]

that dinner was absolutely I can't find

the word I can expensive um excuse me

Jamie I gotta go I promised my mom I'd

be home by 8:00 why Warren what are you

doing here oh you probably saw me come

in with my beautiful day right there's

your beautiful date um listen since I

gave you all my money

could you give me enough for her for

whom back there sure always glad to help

the needy

I want it what do you mean you gave him

all your money well it's just a loan to

cover me into my investments pay off

what investments stocks bonds pot

bellies so in other words Warren's the

one who has all the money and is paying

for dinner Jessica what's the difference

the important thing is that two people

share a special relationship right but

you're not one of the two people me

something's going terribly wrong

let's go cutie pie she touched my bare

skin and thanks you're a terrific

teacher I'm a terrific jerk no I could

not help but notice Monsieur that your

lady friend ran off with your chauffeur

that happens a lot in France well at

least I hope you enjoyed your dinner

your check Monsieur no money all right

what are you trying to pull here you

little squirt what happened to your

money just walked out the door with my

date hmm I guess it's time to call the

parents huh right come on you deserve

what Jessica did to you you were trying

to be a big shot instead of being just

what you are a little shot

Jamie you can't force someone to like

you just by spending money on them and

look what you did to our budget I'm

sorry dad I won't be that stupid again

now we've got a real emergency Vicky

described the emergency I had to use the

rest of the household money to pay

Jamie's restaurant bill so we have to

use the emergency fund to get through

the rest of the month that computes as

an emergency

good now where'd you hide the money I

swallowed it we're gonna get it I guess

I'll have to take her apart that won't

be necessary

open my frontal integrated circuit board

okay now what

punch in code green one four nine two

code green one four nine two now stand

back

[Applause]

she's not small wonder lovely and bright

and soft littles

she's a small

a child like other girls she's a miracle

and I grant you she changed you a new

sight she's small

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[Applause]

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