02x07 - The Older Woman

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

not worry is just a little power failure

I have it fixed in a jiffy what are you

gonna do honey I got all the wiring in

the house hooked up to my computer all I

got to do is plug it into a power source

but the power's out dad you're

forgetting one little thing we've got

our own walking talking little generator

come here Becky raise your arm and let

there be light and on the seventh day I

rested well just overloaded her circuits

probably the brindle's their lights must

be out to their likes have been out for

years okay thank you let's see what the

problem is here what do you want here it

for lights are out to my pants wanted

snow could I have some candles I guess

so

why does your family always borrow stuff

don't you ever go to the market

sometimes but my mother sister lives are

shorter here well you won't be needing

these candles anymore I'm saving for

when you're older and wax your legs

thanks you wanted me my cousin Mary your

folks are waiting she's staying with us

for a few days see 16 people save you

look so much alike we could be twins

that's bad news for Mary Mary hi Jamie

Harry here later on to see you mom so

that you can forget the candles Oh Mary

take them anyway there's nothing we love

more than letting stuff to the windows

here take our salt and pepper shakers -

thanks Jamie but we won't need them I

think we got a little Ladykiller here by

there I should fix the problem here it

is worried Vicki but we can finish our

game now okay okay now game our finish

can we would you say Vicki okay now game

our finish can we had she's talking bad

words that overload must have damaged

her more than I thought let's see well

of course

her radio thir monic generator is

malfunctioning and the RPG fluctuations

are oscillating at a sink that makes

sense

tends to be pissed no I'm gonna have to

pick up some parts from the plant

tomorrow well unfortunately I think

that's our only problem

Vicki go to your cabinet and stay there

they're staying Kappa need your to go oh

boy

[Music]

I'm telling you Reggie Mary's the most

beautiful girl I've ever seen I can't

get her out of my mind she's like a

human Twinkie so what you gonna do about

it I don't know it's tough to date a 16

year old when your body only goes up to

12 why don't you try smoking a fight you

know you look older you could say

smoking stunted your growth it's gonna

take a lot more than a pipe I've got an

axe older to be more sophisticated like

the guys in the old TV movies how do I

look like you have to go to the bathroom

floors look I'll see you later all right

uh give me a call and get back from

Fantasy Island

hi Jane listen I gotta go to the plant

to pick up some parts to fix Vicki you

want to go no thanks dad but I really

could use some advice advice sure our

Jam you got it have a seat huh do you

know anything about women

not anymore Jamie I got married I'm

serious

this good old someone real special but

I'm not special to her how do I get her

to know me better and to like me ah Oh

Jamie I'd say the best way for a man to

win a girl's heart is to to be very

clever how do you do that well there's

this little trick I pulled in college

once you see I was crazy about this girl

I could not get her out of my head

you mean mom no a roommate

Barbara Edinson

I mean when this girl smiled you could

hear violins this is where the clever

part comes in you see your mom was crazy

about me but I wanted to date Barbara

so I'd ask your mom outright but I'd ask

her to bring Barbeau along to you know

using some excuse right so mom was your

second choice no no as it turned out the

more I was with your mother the more I

realized that she was the one that I

really loved well I still think that

what I did was a pretty good sparing

flavor what I mean anytime now no

Harriet she's not herself today you want

to play I've got nothing to do until

Mary comes home did you say Mary uh-huh

Harriet if I ever told you that when you

smile I hear violins Oh Jaime how would

you like to come to the movies tonight

I'll be still my heart

I take that's a yes updates Mary up at

6:00 what's me I got to do with it she's

your houseguest right we can't leave the

poor girl sit home all alone baby rude

auntie knees just so thoughtful

I'm in heaven

okay that should stop you from talking

backwards now go find mom and help her

out okay well the old Roy what's the

what's the bedding for Barbara Edinson

Barbara Edmondson remember my old

college roommate the one that used to go

with us on all of our dates and oh oh

yeah that that that Barbara the one that

you were telling Jamie all about the one

I was second choice - honey I can

explain that you see well anyway I mean

you were the one I fell in love with and

married doesn't that mean anything to

you yes it means you can stick your cold

feet on your own bat tonight

[Music]

you look beautiful tonight Mary there

you go again the little Ladykiller what

about me well like you said Harriet you

two look like friends so you must look

beautiful too

Jamie you and your sweet talk me my

sweet here here you would you like some

popcorn I love it

go get it I mean it'd be rude if I'd

left you to sit here all alone see

you're so gallant take your time

[Music]

[Laughter]

so marry that's such a pretty name

I bet you were named after the Virgin

Mary clothes Mary Tyler Moore I really

like the perfume you're wearing

surprised most boys your age wouldn't

even notice it

that's because I'm more mature than the

average 12 year old I even shaved

tonight for you really is it a bad shape

peach fuzz you kidding I get my 6

o'clock shadow at 2 o'clock

[Laughter]

hey Mary

some later Jamie what are you calling

laughs oh my sweet terrific hi Annie

how'd your date go Abe Lincoln had more

fun in the theater than I did I'm sorry

what happened for one thing I took dad's

advice well in the future when you want

to know about women don't ask a man

that's the woman well woman how about me

I passed the physical what would you

like to know

well there's this girl really nice but

she hardly knows I'm alive have you told

her how you feel No

so do it goes the firm men who are more

direct and honest who don't play games

direct and honest huh I'll give it a try

thanks mom oh my back is k*lling me

Hunchback of Notre Dame must've slept on

that sofa Vicki I think that fixed you

how are your systems terrific I got the

world's tallest chipmunk air I fixed

your voice what'd you say come out with

holy rock Vicki don't do that there I

turned your voice off you're so smart

why'd you fix my back Oh

what do you want Harriet I brought you a

poem that expresses my feelings for you

great mail it to me when I wake up in

the morning when I go to bed at night

the pimple on your chin is never out of

sight I'm really touched in fact I'm so

touched I have to see Mary Mary why it's

about a surprise gift for you me Oh

Jamie you remembered our anniversary

it's been 12 hours since you've heard

the violin terrific just like a baby you

mean you slept in your stomach and

burped all night okay okay I didn't

sleep a wink but I bet you didn't either

are you kidding there's a lot to be said

for controlling your own electric

blanket I also like your side of the bed

it's a shorter walk to the bathroom okay

okay you got me over a barrel

you can also say you're sorry for

pulling a dirty trick like using me to

get at my roommate okay I'm sorry

well come on honey I mean am i off the

hook please okay you're off the hook

shake you think I'm gonna spend the

night on the sofa and settle for a shake

[Music]

where's Mary what am I gonna say to her

your mother said to get washed up for

lunch

hey Dad funny fixed you he finally fixed

me I'll be in later I'm busy I know what

I'll say Mary my dear I'll be directed

honest

let's get married not stupid

she'll think I'm a jerk who says dumb

things but I'm just a playboy who toys

with women's emotions your mother said

to get washed up for lunch not now Vicki

Oh Jamie Derek said you wanted to see me

Yeah right oh she said also to mention

something about a diamond bracelet oh

[Laughter]

this is my sister Vicki thank you say

hello to Mary hello to Mary well hello

to you too Vicki would you want to see

me about Jamie Mary I'll be direct and

honest now that's stupid

Vicki you want to be direct and honest

with me about what about the fact that

I'm madly in love with you what why

would you say such a thing

he's a jerk who says dumb things come on

Jamie quit fooling around I really have

to be somewhere I'm not fooling Mary

there's no use in fighting it fate

brought us together and it's gonna keep

us together Jamie this is ridiculous

he's a playboy who toys with women's

emotions

Vickey go let's get married

now let me be direct and honest with you

Jamie you're too young and too short

that's only temporary

besides being younger is an advantage

you'll die first and you'll never have

to be a lonely Widow I don't know

whether to laugh or to get mad at you I

think you better stick to Harriet she

says you're crazy about her

are you kidding I only pretended to like

Harriet so I could be with you what

Jamie that was a terrible thing using

Harriet like that I'm ashamed of you I

don't ever want to see you again but you

will because I'm gonna be at your side

I'm gonna call and I'm gonna write you

I'll walk you to school I'll tear your

books

I'll even brush your teeth after lunch

goodbye

the little old lady k*ller I'll pick you

up at 7 to walk you to school Mary do

you expect me believe that a girl like

that it's interesting to k*ll like you

why not well no if I was Mary I want a

guy with a lot more experience like me

alright who this Jamie Lawson who wants

to know my name is Christopher when I

find the little creeps and bother and my

girlfriend Mary I'm gonna rearrange his

face I'm graduated he used a creep who's

facial one of your range

you got anything to say well you still

have lips yeah let me be direct and

honest I'm Jamie I just look like him

yeah who are you the pool man let's see

how long you can breathe underwater okay

Christopher you can put them down I

think got the message

not so fast first he just slow learner

Claire Mary why would you do this to me

you're sure yeah why you did Harriet

it's inexcusable and I also don't want

you hanging around Mary anymore I just

thought I could get her to like me like

you why would I waste my time on a

little kid and nothing but nothing she I

can like Ladykiller better mom says you

must come in for lunch Jamie come on

Christopher the little baby has to go in

for his bottle you can tell that little

skunk Jamie I'm never gonna talk to him

again she said she's never talking to

you again little skunk and you can tell

her I don't blame her and I'm sorry he

doesn't blame you and he's sorry Harriet

I really do feel awful about what I did

and I'd like to make it up to you I've

taken you to the movies alone just the

two of us go on what else I'll even put

my arm around you

all the way around all the way around I

love it when you go caveman on me

see you later sweet cheeks my mom says

you must come in for lunch now

[Applause]

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- Jesus

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